ITT: Roommate cooking stories

[Anonymous No.9984505]

we've all had that one roommate, so post em
>get a new roommate for a sublease, current one is out of town
>just a week, no big deal
>first day, he puts a whole can of tuna into a saucepan and boils it. not the tuna, the entire can, like dulce de leche. pic related
>whatever, maybe just a strange way of cooking it, I don't eat tuna
>puts the pan right into the clean dish rack on top of other clean dishes without cleaning, still smelling like tuna
>next day
>roommate comes home with a 5lb bag of macaroni, some beef, and a tub of ketchup and limes
>cooks half of the bag of macaroni and nearly overflows the large pot
>cooks the beef and stores the raw remains open in the freezer, bloody as fuck, and stacked on top of some ice cream. ffs
>eats a small amount of the meat + macaroni meal he made with ketchup + limes
>stores the leftovers in a fucking popcorn bowl inside the fridge
>not cling wrapped or anything
>literally in a fucking popcorn bowl, filled past the brim
>whole fridge and apartment smells like beef-a-roni
send help

[Anonymous No.9984519]

show him how to be more sanitary with his food? he might not even realize the way he’s storing foot is a health hazard to not only himself but anyone else who grabs something out of the fridge.

[Anonymous No.9984524]

>>9984505
who did the pan smell like tuna if the can was boiled? did he open it?

[Anonymous No.9984525]

>>9984505
Subleasing for a week?

[Anonymous No.9984526]

>>9984505
homicide doesn't sound like a bad option

[Anonymous No.9984531]

>>9984505
I think you should confront him about not being so
unsanitary.

Also whats the point of boiling a can of tuna?
What kind of recipe required boiled canned tuna.

[Anonymous No.9984548]

>>9984531
>>9984524
not sure. haven't made tuna before, always disliked it so I thought there was probably some reason for it
>>9984524
i heard a pop the other day when i saw him doing that, so my guess is the can burst slightly
>>9984519
did this, and bagged up the food. I saw him cooking all those noodles and asked if he had a way to store all that shit.
>>9984525
it's more like a week and a half, but apartments in the area are picky with rules and he didn't want to lose his parking spot

[Anonymous No.9984551]

>roommate tries making macaroni and cheese in a Pyrex measuring cup
>Cold water in a glass container on top of a hot stove
>Hear a bang from the other room
>The thing detonated like a grenade, sending glass shards, boiling water and half-cooked macaroni all over the kitchen

Unfortunately, he was unharmed. He could not explain why he chose a measuring cup instead of a pot.

[Anonymous No.9984568]

>>9984505
>we've all had that one roommate
>we
>roommate

fuck off normie

[Anonymous No.9984649]

>>9984568

[Anonymous No.9984671]

>>9984568
Tell us a mommy tendie story then, you little faggot.

[Anonymous No.9984714]

>>9984505
>get a new roommate for a sublease
>I don't knowhow to cook so I fuck up
>snobbish roommate snickering at everything I do in the kitchen
>he even calls me out for putting my food in the fridge without cling wrap like I murdered a puppy and a kitten together
>god hes such a faggot

[Anonymous No.9984715]

>>9984568
Mommy and Daddy are your roommates, even if they only see you when you crawl out of your room for chicken tendies and energy drinks

[Anonymous No.9984764]

>>9984714
>sign a sublease
>don't know how to cook
>like a child with assburgers I remain silent, and do not ask for help
>roomates keep asking why I'm boiling cans of tuna, or not using shrink rap
>wtf is shrink rap, do they not understand boiling something completely gets rid of bacteria it's fine
>fuck the kitchen smells fucking awful
Honestly OP's room-mate sounds like a fucking faggot, who keeps crossing boundaries; one of which is fucking the kitchen up to the point where nobody wants to use it. A bottle of ferbreeze is like 3.99, so if you're cooking like a mongoloid you can cover it up. Fuck his faggot face up with his own beef for letting it drip blood on the food, I'd beat him half to death with the fucking cut if I saw that happen. Hell I'd probably start throwing away his food, and start going to the market to make a meal when I get home if it got bad. There are only so many lines to cross before your room-mate snaps anon.

[Anonymous No.9984802]

>>9984505
>just moved in with this Brazilian dude
>cool guy
>doesn't know dick about cooking
>in room one evening
>fire alarm goes off in entire apartment complex
>ignore it because it's always nothing
>5 mins later decide to go to kitchen to investigate
>just about to enter kitchen and see the walls flash orange for a second
>wtf.mp4
>walk in and roommate is standing next to cooker with a saucepan in his hand with his eyebrows and hair singed looking totally fucking bewildered
>he'd left the pan on the hob full of oil intending to make some fries
>it caught fire
>when he saw this the first idea he had was to run it under the cold tap
>ceiling is all black and fucked up
>veneers peeling off the cupboards because the flames melted them

It was pretty funny all in all
>nastiest smell ever for weeks

[Anonymous No.9984853]

>bloody as fuck
you're just as retarded as your roommate, unless he cut himself and bled all over the meat before putting it in the freezer.

[Anonymous No.9984886]

>>9984671
>>9984715
murdered

[Anonymous No.9984935]

>roommate gets hungry while watching Friends
>heats up a bowl of instant macaroni
>room smells like delicious cheesey noodles
>mfw

[Anonymous No.9984941]

>>9984505
This is how Iranians eat tuna fish too. Its fucking good man.

[Anonymous No.9984949]

>didn't wash out the skillet
>now the fucking grease solidified

[Anonymous No.9984950]

Nothing too bad, just that 90% of my roommates have been white American northerners IE Yankees, so all they "cooked" was Hamburger Helper, dinner kits and frozen ready meals.
One saw me make sausage gravy and tried to make some himself some time later. He didn't know you had to make a roux IE add flour to the pan and thought the "gravy" would thicken by simple reduction of the milk. Scorched the pan, the dumb fuck.

[Anonymous No.9984960]

>>9984505
Murder him, OP.

YOU MUST KILL HIM!

[Anonymous No.9984977]

>>9984950
Oh, if family counts as roommates, when I was a kid, my sister destroyed our kitchen not once but twice. Trying to make coffee.
We use a moka because ethnic and she had a habit of getting coffee grinds into the threads of the screw-on bits. That means the machine wouldn't seal properly. Which means that when the pressure builds up, it starts to escape from the side rather than that go up through the grounds. Which means the pressure would shoot the top-half of the pot off with enormous force. Which means coffee napalm all over the fucking place and a dent in the range hood.

[Anonymous No.9984997]

>>9984505

I'm so glad you put a giant red circle around, and arrow pointing to, the can. Never would have seen it otherwise.

[Anonymous No.9984999]

>Get george 4man grill
>Always clean it after I use it
>roommate starts using it
>always leaves a grease mess he never cleans up
>over seasons his fucking burgers leaves salt crusted on mah fuckn grill
>clean it and unscrew the back one day
>cut the wire
>roommate tries to turn it on
>doesnt work
>i tell him it shorted on me and almost shocked me:)
>tie wires back together and cook and clean it when hes not around

People like him are why we cant have nice things.

[Anonymous No.9985005]

>>9984949
I do this all the time. It melts again the next time I use it. I can reuse the leftover grease for a week.

[Anonymous No.9985016]

>>9984715
>>9984671
>>9984886

[Anonymous No.9985100]

>go to america
>get airbnb
>american host says I can have anything the fridge
>it's full of mcchickens and big macs

[Anonymous No.9985481]

>>9985100
Guess you didn't get the under the table travelling to the US warnings that are being issued? True, you have to know someone.

[Anonymous No.9985498]

>>9984551
Christ, I did this when I was like, 6 I think.

[Anonymous No.9985514]

>roommate has a crock pot
>he usually uses it for whatever he cooks
>he has a bag of frozen chicken breasts
>thaws out several chicken breasts
>puts the chicken breasts in the crock pot
>gets out a bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's Award Winning Barbecue Sauce
>Empties the entire bottle of the sauce onto the chicken breasts
>lets the concoction cook away for 3 hours
>the whole apartment smells like Sweet Baby Ray's
>at the bottom of the crock pot is a soupy mess of boiling sauce and chicken
>he says it's good

[Anonymous No.9985538]

>>9984950
You sound like a real cunt m8.

[Anonymous No.9985556]

>>9985514
kek. Not as strange as you guys, but I lived in a house with 14 other people. We had this one oddball. Would boil fuckloads of pasta, and eat it plain, with a bit of olive oil. Come to think of it, it's all I ever saw him eat. for 4 months, all I ever saw him eat was fucking plain pasta.

[Anonymous No.9985559]

>>9985514
That's about how my room mate cooks. She's fucking retarded when it comes to food.

[Anonymous No.9985563]

>>9985514
I mean at that point he might as well just heat up a bowl of barbecue sauce in the microwave and eat it with a spoon.

[Anonymous No.9985592]

Is he a nigger?

[Anonymous No.9985619]

>>9985556
did he by any chance, compete in any type of sport? my uncle does the same to get pure carbs before competing because he is a cyclist

[Anonymous No.9985622]

>>9985514
pleb tier, what do you expect from normies. You still made me laugh, you autistic faggot

[Anonymous No.9985635]

>>9985514
That sounds pretty good.

[Anonymous No.9985651]

>>9984671
I was just lucky enough to live in an area where living by yourself is a viable economic option.

[Anonymous No.9985682]

>>9985514
After experimenting with sauces I've actually discovered that HFCS sauces like Ray's have a better viscosity for clinging to food. I never found one of the more expensive, cane sugar ones that was worth a fuck. I tried. I tried them all because I fell for the 'HFCS is for plebes' meme.

I guess what I'm saying is you're all picky faggots with unfounded opinions.

[Anonymous No.9985686]

>>9985619
nope. he sat in his room all day. didn't even go to his classes.

I guess my eating habits weren't to great either. I ate chicken burgers every fucking day, with cheese, mayo and onions on it. Those frozen cheap ones. Also, lots of guac and corn chips, and every morning an egg with toast and a hashbrown.

[Anonymous No.9985687]

>>9984548
>it's more like a week and a half, but apartments in the area are picky with rules and he didn't want to lose his parking spot
I'm confused. Why can't he just leave for a week and a half

[Anonymous No.9985715]

>>9985651
So a shithole?

[Anonymous No.9985716]

>>9985682
Try sauce with molasses it's nice and sticky.

[Anonymous No.9985726]

You found somebody who needed a place to live for just one week, what the fuck did you expect from them?

[Anonymous No.9985911]

>>9984997
Underrated

>>9984999
You madman you

[Anonymous No.9986007]

>>9985556
i had a roommate like this. only ate buttered plain pasta or plain rice with mayo.
he would catch a cold every other week and was always depressed, low self-esteem.
did this for 10 years until a doctor said he'd literally fucked up his stomach and intestines cuz of it.

[Anonymous No.9986157]

>>9984505

stop being an apartmentcuck and get a house if it bothers you, faggot

[Anonymous No.9986250]

roommate one:
>buys a shitload of chicken breasts in the family pack to "save money"
>preps maybe two and puts the rest in the freezer
>weeks-months later I still see them in the freezer untouched while another new family pack of breasts sits in the fridge for his meal prep

just fucking buy two breasts and stop wasting freezer space

roommate two:
>stuffs a small saucepan with three ramen packets at a time

...that's the end of the story. he lets the water boil over obnoxiously and eats fucking three ramens at a time, guaranteeing that he has hypertension

[Anonymous No.9986382]

Not a roomie story but I had my Aunt live with us for two days when she was traveling back home (went from Texas to Washington).
>Within the first two hours, is cooking cactus and blending pinto beans
>Puts them in tupperware and places them inside fridge
>Later on open up fridge
>Everything spills out
>Aunt placed containers on some bagged veggies I tossed in there and it slipped towards the door from the inside
>Immediately starts yelling at me saying I'm wasting food
>Clean it up while she does this because I fucking hate a dirty kitchen
>Make my food and tell Aunt I wasn't going to pay for shit since it was her fault (politely)
>Later on go to grab some water
>Giant container of flan crashes out of the fridge
>Aunt peeks her head around the corner and sees the mess
>Starts yelling at me again and crying saying I hate her and that I'm wasting food
>Tell her to fuck off (politely) and ask her why she doesn't look at where she places things
>Tells me there wasn't any room for her food and she didn't know where to put it
>Gets caught trying to steal my Dad's DVDs the day after and gets kicked out

I fucking hate her and her literally autistic children. I can't believe I'm related to someone who lives off of furry porn commissions.

[Anonymous No.9986399]

>>9986250
Nothing wrong with having three bags of ramen so long as you chase it with eight bottles of water.

[Anonymous No.9986506]

>roommate buys 2 pack of frozen pizza
>cooks both of them
>puts second one in fridge with a paper towel over it
This guy went on to throw all his belongings in the garbage and disappear leading to me being evicted

[Anonymous No.9986538]

>he puts a whole can of tuna into a saucepan and boils it. not the tuna, the entire can
titus_get_the_cross.jpg

[Anonymous No.9986566]

>>9984941
Even a better reason to nuke them

[Anonymous No.9986576]

>>9984999
You could have just told him that he needs to be better using it or that you won't let him use it anymore. Instead you were a passive aggressive woman about it who then guilt tripped him over something that never happened. Your roommate might be an ass but you're a manipulative tool.

[Anonymous No.9986594]

>>9986382
Just have her deported back to Mexico. She sounds unstable.

[Anonymous No.9986596]

>>9984977
My dad and I both use mokas even though we are white as fuck, and we are religious about making sure the gasket and threads are always immaculate and the pressure relief valve is not blocked.

[Anonymous No.9986616]

>>9984505
femanon here, this story is about another femanon roommate:

>move into shared brooklyn brownstone
>existing roommate is in her late 30s
>knows how to cook but usually orders dominos
>every 6 weeks she freaks out about how much she's spending drinking/eating out and orders a giant $200+ fresh direct order
>she spends entire sundays "meal prepping" this shit
>literally never takes the prepped meals to work, they just rot in the fridge and when she gets home she orders more dominos (KEEP IN MIND WE LIVE IN NYC THERE'S ACTUAL GOOD PIZZA HERE)
>jumpcut to when actual rats start nesting in her room because she has leftover dominos pizza in boxes rotting and collecting maggots in her room

tl;dr my shitty roommate left rotting pizza and pizza boxes in her room and we got rats (NOT MICE, RATS) and i kicked her out cause her credit was shit and i was the only one on the lease

[Anonymous No.9986629]

>>9986616
hey
dominos isn't that bad anymore
not amazing as certain pizza places. but it beats pizzahut and other franchised restaurants now

[Anonymous No.9986651]

>laying in bed one Saturday night, not really drunk but not quite sober
>suddenly hear a commotion downstairs in the kitchen, sounded like grunting and then a crash
>head down to see whats up, maybe I get to hit my roommate with a tennis racket for fucking on the living room couch again
>nope, he's out cold on the kitchen floor, with the stone from my crock pot shattered around him
>smack him with my tennis racket a couple times and he shambles off to his room in a daze

Turns out, he got super drunk and thought that he left a bottle of vodka on top of the fridge. He tried to move the crock pot and dropped it on his head. I probably should have monitored him for concussion or something, but it was more fun to hit him with a tennis racket.

[Anonymous No.9986662]

>sophomore in college
>have three roommates in a two bedroom townhouse
>one roommate pan fries breakfast sausages every morning and coats them in pancake syrup
>one day this roommate isn't in the kitchen, but the food is cooking on the stovetop
>smells like it's burning, I go over and stir it a bit out of consideration
>roommate comes back and sees me, screeches not to touch their food

It really doesn't pay to be nice.

>same living situation
>different roommate makes nothing but boxed instant shit every day, like Kraft mac and cheese, Stouffers bread stuffing etc
>seals leftovers in plastic containers in fridge, but never actually eats ANY of them
>leaves them in fridge until they basically start to rot, then takes them out and puts them in the kitchen sink, supposedly with the intention of washing containers to reuse later
>The food is still in the containers
>Roommate never actually washes them
>The food-stuffed plastic containers just sit in our communal sink for days until third roommate discreetly tosses them out

>I was poor as fuck and would have loved to be able to eat those leftovers before they expired, but was too beta to ask/just do it.

[Anonymous No.9986663]

>>9986629
oh sure yeah, as far as big chain pizza goes dominos is fine but ordering it minimum twice a week and leaving it to rot in your room isn't okay. also, there's better and cheaper pizza available where i live

[Anonymous No.9986668]

>>9986663
Did she have pink hair and trouble glasses?

[Anonymous No.9986688]

>>9985715
lel

[Anonymous No.9986713]

>>9986668
trouble glasses, yes, but no pink hair.

she moved in with her shitty bf and now they're married, i was invited but didn't go to the wedding

[Anonymous No.9986723]

>>9985682
>>9985716
>HFCS
>Cane sugar
>Molasses
Fucking disgusting tomato candy sauce, why do people want their food to taste like candy, its so fucking gross.

[Anonymous No.9986734]

>>9984505
How did he open the can after boiling it? Wouldnt it have been too hot?

[Anonymous No.9986849]

>>9984551
Isn't Pyrex supposed to be safe to use directly on a stove? isn't the same glass used in laboratories?

[Anonymous No.9986966]

>>9986616
London?

[Anonymous No.9986979]

>>9986849
pyrex stopped being borosilicate glass a decade ago, now it's just regular silica-lime glass
even with borosilicate though you probably shouldn't put cold glass directly on top of a heated stove element

[Anonymous No.9986999]

>>9984999
>him
We know you are both girls.

[Anonymous No.9987017]

>>9986849
>>9986979
reddit

[Anonymous No.9987037]

>>9986616
Did you ever lez out with her?

[Anonymous No.9987052]

>>9986616
>needlessly advertising femaleness
you know the rules, anon
post vagin

[Anonymous No.9987081]

>>9986979
according to wikipedia, Pyrex cookware sold in Europe is still made from borosilicate glass.

[Anonymous No.9987241]

>roommate cooks like four shitty meals a week
>insists on having the kitchen completely to himself, I can't even come and get a beer or a snack
>uses a fuckton of dishes
>bangs shit around, slams cabinet doors closed
>uses my cookware
>doesn't clean dishes until the next morning
>gets offended when I was the dishes and pots I own that he used

>uses my tupperware and leaves food sitting in them in the fridge for weeks
>gets mad when I throw away moldy food

>uses my french press
>drinks one cup of coffee out of it and leaves it sitting there
>never rinses it out because he "forgets"

>buys large fast food meals
>eats half and then leaves it in the fridge for "leftovers"
>spergs out when I throw these greasy paper bags away 3 days later

I can't fucking stand him.

[Anonymous No.9987322]

>>9986576
I once told an unemployed (collecting welfare) roommate he should shower bi weekly at the least and he got all butthurt about it and then didn't take off his boots for a month and got trench foot. This was after a girl he tried to make out with told him to brush his teeth and he couldn't understand why. Some people don't care about themselves, why would they give a shit about your shitty george foreman grill?

[Anonymous No.9987341]

We used to have this shitty oven in the kitchen that we used only for heating drumsticks. It was filthy as fuck so I tried to clean it with no succes. My roommate told me that if the filth and grease wont come of with cleaning it would certainly not affect the food. He was right i guess

[Anonymous No.9987746]

>>9987241
>I can't even come and get a beer or a snack
are you actually following this rule? If you are, you are a massive faggot. If someone ever said I was not allowed in my kitchen, then that means I am going in the kitchen just to piss them off.

Jesus anon, stand up for yourself. You sound like a huge pushover.

[Anonymous No.9987772]

>>9984548
>>9985687
Im also confused by this.
Your roomate left for a week so someone else had to move in with you so you roomate who left doesnt lose his parking spot?
Is this black mirror?

[Anonymous No.9987785]

>>9987017
You're doing Gods work, anon.
>>9986849
PYREX is safe but pyrex isnt. Even if using a good PYREX pot start it at a lower temp until the glass warms up.

[Anonymous No.9987795]

>>9986849
>Isn't Pyrex supposed to be safe to use directly on a stove?
flameware and visionware and some other lines are, but most of it is not. plenty of lab glass is not made to be over an open flame either.

[Anonymous No.9987862]

My room mate always takes frozen chicken out too late and leaves it uncovered to thaw and then cuts it in half so it will thaw quicker, eventually tossing the semi-frozen chicken in the oven for an hour. The chicken is always eaten with a white tortilla wrap and ketchup.

My other room mate has literally been living on peas and chicken breast for a year. The chicken is defrosted and mass roasted on one day and then frozen again along with the peas then the whole frozen slab of peas and chicken is put in a roasting tray (peas up) and baked for 45 minutes or until it is defrosted. It is then dumped into a mixing bowl and eaten with a fork and no knife (this is unsliced chicken) and a dollop of peanut butter. The bowl is then rinsed and not washed and put on drying rack.

Other roommate would cook a pack of beef mince in two minutes and eat it with beef noodles. She also would regularly leave chicken and rice in the fridge to go mouldy, which smelt so fucking bad.

I had another flatmate once who would steam broccoli and sweet potato over a pot of boiling water for like, an hour, so that the broccoli smelt like farts and was like yellow. Also who steams sweet potato?

Had a flatmate's friend use my brownie pan to make a spinach lasagne, and then proceed to leave the like...1/4 eaten lasagne just sitting next to the sink for TWO weeks, despite not living there, so that it went extremely furry and mouldy.

Had another flatmate who tried to add flour after she thought she made a roux for mac and cheese

[Anonymous No.9987896]

>>9984505
>enter kitchen
>see hippie girl roommate dumping her green and full of fish shit aquarium water over all the dishes and using the dish sponge to clean the green mucous off the aquarium walls.
>realize our conceptions of hygiene are so different that there is no point trying to explain to her how utterly disgusting that was
>do 360º turn and walk away

[Anonymous No.9987925]

>>9987896
More like:
>to scared to confront her about it

[CRANK No.9987941]

>>9984715
Imagine becoming so fucking stupid you need roommates or parents to afford rent... Go back to school.

[CRANK No.9987951]

>>9985538
Yankee who can't cook detected.

[Anonymous No.9987962]

>buy 4 pack of medium sized foot storage containers (tupperware type stuff)
>'hey guys don't worry you can use these too if you want'
>a couple weeks later, pull one out of the cabinet
>it's covered in some unidentifiable brown/black shit
>take it to the sink and try to scrub the stuff off
>it doesn't come off even after a minute of aggressive scrubbing

well I guess they can keep them now. I've got most of my stuff in my room because of this shit

[CRANK No.9987968]

>>9985715
Try getting a education and quite living off minimum wage.

[CRANK No.9987978]

>>9986382
>furry porn women.
Found you'r problem anon.

[CRANK No.9987986]

>>9986616
>cunt here.
Why did your gender matter at fucking?
Like clockwork you cunts need to let everyone know youre a women.
Guess my fucking gender?

[CRANK No.9987989]

>>9986616
>my shitty roommate left rotting pizza and pizza boxes in her room and we got rats (NOT MICE, RATS) and i kicked her out cause her credit was shit and i was the only one on the lease
That's all we needed to know.

[Anonymous No.9987991]

>>9987986
You're gender doesn't matter here. You're just an anon on the other side of the computer screen.

(I get your point)

[CRANK No.9988006]

>>9987991
So then why tell everyone you're a femanon?
Just say your story and leave personal details out...guess my gender.
I'll give you a hint it's like a dinosaur.

[Anonymous No.9988008]

>>9987978
It wasn't clear enough but her son is the one that draws furry porn

[Anonymous No.9988016]

>>9988006
I'm not her, I'm >>9986668 and also >>9986651

I was simply agreeing with your post holmes.

[Anonymous No.9988050]

>>9984764
nice edge

[Anonymous No.9988075]

>>9985005
Based tip
Perfect for cast iron

[Anonymous No.9988092]

>>9988008
He probably makes bank. If he's any good, those people will spend thousands of tism tokens on a single image. That whole sect of people is like a never-ending well of government handouts.

[Anonymous No.9988102]

>>9987986
A butthurt faggot

[Anonymous No.9988105]

>>9988102
Oh shit is that- It can't be!
It's the legendary white knight!

[Anonymous No.9988117]

>>9984802
Damn that niggas lucky he didnt get turned into a piece of beef jerky.

[Anonymous No.9988122]

>>9986616
Nobody cares that you're a female.

[Anonymous No.9988123]

>>9986007
How can you fuck up your stomach on plain pasta and mayo?
Is it like too many carbs or starch or something?

[Anonymous No.9988130]

>>9986382
>that unexpected ending

[Anonymous No.9988144]

>>9986651
>Get home late one night
>Had a couple drinks, nothing crazy but feeling good.
>Roommate is in his room, thankfully.
>Roommate is a 6 foot drunken ogre of a man that constantly beats people with a tennis racket under for any minor upset or ruckus
>Dickhead alchy roommate put all his cooking shit on top of the fridge where I keep my alcohol (again)
>Stupid crock pot slips off and smashes me in the head, knocking me into a daze
>Ogremate drunkenly charges downstairs at the sound of commotion
>Proceeds to drag me by the leg back to my room and commences racket beatings
>Tfw lease can't end soon enough

[Anonymous No.9988147]

>>9987986
Is the fucking namefag complaining about someone announcing their gender?

[Anonymous No.9988153]

>>9988144
kek made me chuckle

[Anonymous No.9988174]

man, good thing I'm a homeowner.
Though I will be renting out a spare room sooner or later, will be good to establish some rules so I don't have greentext nightmares
I'd rather someone greentext about me, at least I'd still be the one in charge of my kitchen

[Anonymous No.9988183]

>>9988174
doesn't matter if you own the house or sublet, you don't control your roommate either way.

[Anonymous No.9988193]

>>9988183
I do if i make them sign a very specific contract.
a lot of these nightmare stories seem to have the unfortunate circumstance that you can't readily just get rid of the problem. I could.

[Anonymous No.9988202]

>>9988193
I highly reccomend becoming familiar with tenant protection laws in your location. They often are extremely restrictive in how or when you can evict a tenant.

[Anonymous No.9988236]

>>9985687
>>9987772
Different anon, but it's not that complicated. In many cities, the parking spot comes with the apartment. You have to be living in the place to use it, and you have to use it to keep it. A week and a half was likely enough time to consider the spot 'unoccupied' and sell it to another apartment, so someone had to be using it to keep it. The person that used it had to actually, legally live in the apartment, so subletting instead of just lending it out was required.

[Anonymous No.9988320]

>>9988105
Why come to /ck/ if you can't handle the bantz?

[Anonymous No.9988333]

>>9984524
Heating the can probably caused it to pop open

[Sulla No.9988353]

>Puts rice and water in a tupperware container with lid slightly open
>Microwaves it until its scorching hot and starts damaging the container
>Starts doing it with other stuff
>Permanent stains on the tupperware, not to mention whatever chemicals he ingested from getting it that hot
>Does it with mine one time and I tell him not to because it damages the tupperware
>"Dude it wasn't me"

>Has some thot over
>Breaks my glass caserole dish
>Asks me to clean it up
>Tell him to do it himself - I don't care if he has a thot over
>Leaves it there for a week, stepping over the glass to get outside and smoke cigarettes/weed
>Finally I clean it up and ask for money or a replacement
>"She knocked it over dude, get the money from her"

>Makes spaghetti and meatballs in a pot
>Covers it and leaves it for a few days
>"Are you going to clean that up?"
>"Yeah, yeah, I'll get to it"
>2 weeks passes and it stinks like a dead body
>Reach my breaking point
>Go to tell him I'm throwing the pot into the garbage if he doesn't clean it right now
>He went on vacation in Mexico for Christmas break without saying bye (also missed Christmas)
>Throw it in the garbage
>He bitches at me about it when he gets back
>Also because he blew all his money on that vacation, he doesn't buy groceries anymore, just fast food and cigarettes on his credit card (which his parents reluctantly paid off).

>Make a slow cooker roast beef
>Nigger eats 3/4 of it before I get home

>Go away for a month
>He puts all his garbage and dirty clothes in my room
>Tell him to clean it up
>"Dude chill"
>Yell at him until he does

>Starts balding
>Decides to go totally bald
>Wants me to cut his hair

>Do my dishes every night because I don't want roaches
>Throw his in there with it because its not that big a deal to clean 1 more plate\
>Leave for a week
>Come back
>Pile of dishes there
>"Can you clean that up"
>"Dude I thought that was your job"

Never move in with family - you can't throw them out

[Anonymous No.9988357]

>>9987862
How did you end up living with retards? Are you really stupid or poor?

[Anonymous No.9988372]

>>9988353
I swear to god, I thought this was building up to "and that's when I decided to throw his body into the river" or something.

[Anonymous No.9988374]

>>9984505
>living with total strangers

Honestly, I get the horror stories that could come from such a scenario. Thank fuck it's not a widespread thing in Euro land.

[Anonymous No.9988390]

>>9988092
>He probably makes bank. If he's any good, those people will spend thousands of tism tokens on a single image
You're severely overestimating the pay. Most I've ever spent is 140 on a reference sheet, which I obviously don't need very many of. You have to be legitimately good (meaning good enough that you'd be able to make money not making furry porn) if you want to charge more than fifty bucks for a single picture.

[Anonymous No.9988404]

>cooks milk in watercooker
>doenst clean the santoku and leaves it in the miost sink
>uses metal stuff on nonstick pan
>despite never cleaning the santoku uses it every single time (I already took it outta the kitchen)
>leaves stuff like onions and smelly cheese open in the fridge

And much more that I dont recall

[Anonymous No.9988570]

>>9984548
canned tuna is already cooked, you can eat it straight out of the can

[Anonymous No.9988607]

>>9988390
>>9988092
>tfw have spend thousands on furry porn over the past few years
>have become friends with most of the artists
>they're alright people, if kinda weird
it's a strange kinda feel

[Anonymous No.9988673]

>>9988353
I would have just thrown all of his shit out desu
I did that once with my brother and it worked.
That or just sealed off my room from the rest of the house and let him destroy it and live in his filth like that one legendary roommate story.

[Anonymous No.9988760]

>>9986616
>lives within walking distance to at least two 7/10 pizza places
>orders Domino's
I will literally never understand these people

[Anonymous No.9988851]

>>9988673
>legendary roommate story
Which one?

[Anonymous No.9988882]

>>9988851
http://www.wyseguys.com/blag/shitty-roommate/meet-jed/

[Anonymous No.9988936]

>>9984950
>He didn't know you had to make a roux IE add flour to the pan
you post like a fag

[Anonymous No.9988942]

>>9986596
>even though we are white as fuck

[Anonymous No.9989194]

>>9984505
i suggest taking the most extreme action: talk to him

[Anonymous No.9989232]

>>9988882
whoa

[Anonymous No.9990639]

Anyone have stories about good roommates?

>>9988882
I want to experience this in either Doom 2 or Resident Evil 7.

[Anonymous No.9990662]

>>9985538
>>9988936
yankees who can only """"""""cook"""""""" hamburger helper detected

[Anonymous No.9991329]

>>9984568
You want to know how I know you're a newfag?

[Anonymous No.9991351]

>>9984505
Just got a new roomate and he has some bad kitchen habbits.

Last week he made chili in the crock pot and left it on warm for 4 days. Claimed it was safe until he got food poisoning.

Also all his pans are fucked up. It smells like something is burning every time he boils water for ramen

He also doesnt do dishes. Just leaves them in his room until his girlfriend comes over and brings them out.

She doesnt even live with us, but she does more cleaning than him or any of our roomates. I'm a bit of a clean freak and I'd have gone insane without her help.

[Anonymous No.9991371]

>>9991351
My roommates put a lid in the bottom part of the stove and every time they used the oven it smelled like burning plastic.
They were putting putting in the broiler. My brother was trying to convince me that I was being an asshole every time i got worried when smoke filled the kitchen since 'its just crumbs and shit in the oven calm down retard'

[Anonymous No.9991375]

>>9986849
Probably either put the glass directly on a fully heated electric element or added cold water to a hot pyrex dish. Both can cause the glass to shatter.

I made that mistake when I was like 9.

[Anonymous No.9991382]

>>9988123
he started getting stomach pains.
went to a doctor. his guts were inflamed as fuck; developed an allergy to gluten. serves him right for not eating any meat, veges or fruit and only eating pure carbs for 10 years.

[Anonymous No.9991383]

>>9991375
I thought they new pyrex stuff breaks when rapidly cooled because its not the old material pyrex used to be made of and is just regular glass or something?

[Anonymous No.9991389]

>>9991382
>developed an allergy to gluten
I like to meme on gluten allergies but that shit would suck if I ever got one.
Working at whole foods really taught me how much shit has gluten
That said fuck that nigga how can you eat paste for 10 years straight

[Anonymous No.9991418]

>>9991383
New stuff breaks easy. Old stuff is slightly more durable, but it still needs to be treated well.

Rapid changes in temperature like I posted can still break "good" pyrex.

[Anonymous No.9991577]

>>9991383
This wasn't new pyrex. This event occurred more than ten years ago and the measuring cup was a hand-me-down from my parents that was made in the 80s. It's just not supposed to be used like a pot.

[Anonymous No.9991645]

you people make me so glad I don't have roommates

[Anonymous No.9991756]

>>9986629
What part of living in NYC did you miss

The best local pizzas

[Anonymous No.9991901]

>>9988092
I swear I'm, a fucking magnet for furries. One of my roommates in college was a furry. Befriended this guy at work, moved out of my parents place and lived with him and his brother for a bit. Turns out they're furries too. Then this girl I liked at work who wanted my dick is apparently a furry too.

The first roommate was a turboautist, but an alright dude. The other people I knew were pretty cool people actually.

[Anonymous No.9991954]

half the problems here is that you are too beta

[Anonymous No.9991958]

rice cooker in my communal kitchen

[Anonymous No.9992017]

>>9984505
>be me
>new roommate offers to cook on first night
>this could be cool
>opens box of hamburger helper, dumps in pot
>adds water margarine and raw beef
>boils for half hour and serves

[Anonymous No.9992070]

>>9984505
Not too bad, but he cooks in a metal pot and loudly scrapes it with a metal fork when stirring it or eating out of it. There's already a rule that he isn't using any of my cookware.

[Anonymous No.9992106]

Flatmate 1
>Used my cast iron hand-me-down while I'm away, I come back 3 days later and it's still soaking in a 50/50 solution of water and detergeant
>Tell him that's not cool, that's not how you use cast iron
Whatever, not everyone is a turboautist I guess.
>Using a fork to beat the eggs for an omlette in my cheaper teflon/fauxstone pans
>Looks like grand canyon copy/paste afterwards
Flatmate 2 (new flat)
>Tell him of flatmate 1, just to set autism awareness
>All good
>Come home one night to him scouring my rice cooker with steel wool to remove the burnt rice he somehow made
I still don't know how, do you leave it on 'warm' for a whole day or what?
>Get kinda mad, but not too mad
>He apologizes and uses far less of my gear from then on
>2 months later someone with a blue car (I have a blue bike) swipes his shitty Prelude and he blames it subtly on me, despite zero abrasions on my bike
>He moves out a month later and somehow
>some
>how
>All of my pots have a big dent in the middle
A string of fucking losers lately and it's really starting to pepper my peehole.
'Hey look, I enjoy cooking things with my nice cooking utensils, last flatmate ruined a few of my things, just ask first if you'd like to borrow stuff and I'll give you a few pointers'. Am I such a psycho? Next flat I move into I'm going to exclusively shop at sallys army or something.

[Anonymous No.9992141]

>>9992106
Ah shit, I forgot the best part of flatmate 1
>Invites his new chick friend over for movies and dinner
>Cooks hotdogs in water
>Boils rice
>Puts hotdogs and tomato sauce over salted rice
If he still got head after that, I concede to his prowess.

[Anonymous No.9992155]

>>9984764
Where do you live faggot, ill kill you and rape your mother
Fuck you too op. Pussy ass bitch

[Anonymous No.9992176]

>>9992106
>he blames it subtly on me
I'd have given him a fucking reason to ruin my pans after that, that kind of shit is NOT cool

[Anonymous No.9992189]

>>9992176
I don't disagree, but he was very poor both cash and asset, so it would be like sinking the ship I'm on etc. Found out a smidge over a year later that someone had narked on his little growing operation in his moms shed,robbed his bedroom and was asking around about where I lived. Wasn't really funny, because it wasn't me that narked, it was his dealer but nobody would sack up and tell him.

Sometimes you get to look back and think 'fuck me, that was close'.

[Anonymous No.9992341]

>>9992017
Did you grimace through it or explain that he might be functionally retarded?

[Anonymous No.9992349]

Last year I got to room with two of my really good friends, one had no cooking skill but was harmless, and the other guy was truly magical

>be sitting in my room, prepping for DnD with the whole household plus a few more in a few hours
>magical roommate, John, knocks
>"hey anon, I'm making mac and cheese for everyone, sound good?"
>remember buying macaroni and a bunch of decent-quality cheese recently
>get excited
>"sure john, go for it"
>about an hour passes before I hear a faint "almost done" through the door
>walk out with high expectations
>see glass measuring cup filled with hot dogs spinning in the microwave
>wtf
>timer on the microwave reads 1:45
>good fucking lord
>heart sinks but don't say anything
>on the stove is a large pot surrounded by 3 empty boxes of Kraft M&C
>John then drains the macaroni, but not all the way
>"The box directions are not really worth following, anon"
>microwave dings, mutilated hot dogs go right into the pot
>gracefully, John cuts the hot dogs up using a plastic spoon and the side of the pot
>people start arriving, among them including a good friend of mine, Alex, who has quite a bit of talent in the kitchen
>He immediately sees the pot of overcooked Kraft M&C and hot dogs
>We exchange a look of mutual resignation
>John then ads about a half-cup of soy sauce into the pot along with half of a package of cheese powder
>result is a grey-ish, orange-ish, far too salty paste
>Everyone plates up and begins eating, not without hesitation
>"WOW, this is really GOOD" says John the madman
>everyone else is noticeably uncomfortable
>Strategically wait until john goes to the bathroom, so that everyone can pile into *my* bathroom and take turns flushing this amalgamation down the toilet
>later after DnD we all go out for cheap chicken somewhere, sans John
>no one speaks about it again

[Anonymous No.9992367]

>>9991958

[Anonymous No.9992694]

>>9991389
He pretty much deserves what he got. The closest thing he had to meat or vegetables in that 10 years was the once-a-month trip to McDonalds. No wonder his guts fucking gave out on him. He's eaten more than a lifetime's worth of gluten already. 3 meals a day, piping hot rice w/ mayo or buttered pasta with no sauce or other ingredients.

It's funny that since the doctor ordered him to stop eating gluten and he's had to start eating properly his "depression" went away as well as him being full skeleton mode and pasty/pale and always "tired" and he's basically a normal human bean now.

[Anonymous No.9992698]

>>9991958
How have they not been evicted? Are you complaining to the landlord? Are you talking to your housemates about it?

[Anonymous No.9992710]

>girlfriend comes over for dinner and a movie
>surprise her by producing a tub of Ben & Jerry's from the freezer for dessert (pic related)
>notice the seal is broken
>check inside
>housemate has eaten the 'core'

[Anonymous No.9992723]

>>9992349
Someone really should tell John he can't fucking cook or he'll never stop

[Anonymous No.9992773]

Mine is a mild irritation, never cleans dishes entirely so while there's no food remains on the things they dump in the rack its often greasy as fuck and leaves everything else feeling slimy when I pick it up.
Starting to get the impression they don't know what the dish soap is for, but still manage to use the sponge at least.
And they seem to refuse to wash the pan they cook with so the entire place smells like the last thing they ate, slightly burned.

[Anonymous No.9992829]

>>9986629
Dominos is most definitely not better than Pizza Hut you faggot fucknut. You literally made up some bullshit on the spot just to have the chance to talk to "femanon here".

[Anonymous No.9993157]

>>9988357
There is a housing crisis where I live so I can't afford to live alone, but if I lived in another country I would be able to? And these people are all very smart academically, they are just abysmal at cooking

P.S. fuck you, I bet you live in a flyover state where living alone isn't more than $500+ a week

[Anonymous No.9993188]

>>9992710
>housemate has eaten the core
I don't know why that made me laugh so much.

[Anonymous No.9993190]

My roommate made me do all the cooking. he'd beat the shit out of me if I didn't

[Anonymous No.9993196]

>>9984764
>>9984714
Honestly, both are fags. When someone moves in with you, you lay down ground rules. If you move in with someone, ask if it's okay to do X. Seriously, this isn't difficult and keeps you from murdering each other.

[Anonymous No.9993226]

>>9987241
Tell him to stop using your shit if he's not going to clean it? Not that hard.

[Anonymous No.9993235]

>>9987746
This. Fuck him and his rules.

[Anonymous No.9993265]

>>9992829
didnt even see who you were replying to, but pizza hut is fat, hot shit compared to dominos. If I had to choose between pizza hut and starving, I would starve.

You have garbage taste.

[Anonymous No.9993445]

>>9988673
This guy's got it right. No amount of crap is worth taking from anyone, even family.

[Anonymous No.9993451]

>>9988936
and your shit's all fucked up.*

Ftfy senpai.

[Anonymous No.9993458]

I'm the room mate in this story I guess
>Buy some blue cheese
>Decide, after using some of it for salads that I want a blue cheese omelette
>Hadn't considered the fact that it's expired or that it's not meant to be cooked (still not sure which is which)
>Start cooking the omelette
>Head to my room for a sec while the thing cooks (we had electric stoves so the pans never really got very hot)
>The entire fucking house starts stinking to high heaven of like, wet socks or some shit
>I feel super bad about it but there's nothing I can do other than open all the windows and hope for the best

Not as bad as some of the stories here but meh, I was really stupid

[Anonymous No.9993493]

>>9993458
You shouldn't leave the pan unattended if you are cooking eggs you moron
If you are making a stew or roasting something or reducing a sauce then sure don't worry but fucking eggs? Couldn't you just wait two more minutes?

[Anonymous No.9993497]

>>9984999
Wow you are a bitch. Tell him to properly clean it or not use it at all. It is literally that easy.

[Anonymous No.9993514]

>>9993493
I'm stoopid

[Anonymous No.9993537]

>>9993190
you sound very beta

[Anonymous No.9993570]

>>9993458
I know the feels of being the moron in this thread, my dear anon.

>wake up surrounded by wine bottles
>vague memory of seing my landlord at my frontdoor from my bed
>explore house
>all windows open
>insane burnt stink
>pan full of black in sink
>one of the knobs on the electric cooker has broke
>get told later that the landlord got phonecall from other tenant that they thought the house was on fire, and to come down
>house still stinks of strong burnt over 3 days later
>I was down one pan, electric hob and a packet of noodles that day

[Anonymous No.9993633]

>>9986662
>I was poor as fuck and would have loved to be able to eat those leftovers before they expired, but was too beta to ask/just do it.


This is the saddest part.

[Anonymous No.9993731]

>>9986382
>I can't believe I'm related to someone who lives off of furry porn commissions.

[Anonymous No.9993841]

>I don't use the rice cooker that much, roommates do
>something spells moldy in the kitchen
>open the rice cooker
>see pic related

also some minor shit
>leave dirty pots and kitchenware around the kitchen for days
>empty the washing machine like once a week
>sink is clogged with rice and other shit at least once a week
>chop garlic with the bread knife
>spend a while making bolognaise, drop a can of beans into it at the end
Now a few of them have moved out and it's a lot better, because my new roomates actually know what they're doing.

[Anonymous No.9993857]

>live with my little brothers best friend because he needed a place to stay.
>"I swear bronon he is cool!"
>notice bowls go missing but think nothing of it. I've waited a while to do the dishes.
>suddenly no bowls or plates left and all utensils go missing.
>knock on the door and ask him if he knows where all of my shit is.
>"no anon, go away"
>tell him through the door that I will come into his room in 10 minutes and if I dont like what I see I will send him back to his parents.
>in about a minute I hear him scuffle around in his room. I go in earlier than said and see him in his kigurumi, holding a bunch of food-smothered plates over his trashcan.
>mountains of bowls and plates with stinky leftovers against the walls.
>clothes and snacks all over the floor except for a little trail of floor from the bed to the computer at his desk.

[Anonymous No.9993860]

>>9984999
>passive aggressive as all hell
Soy was a mistake

[Anonymous No.9993864]

>>9993860
the majority of /ck/ is female

[Anonymous No.9993883]

>>9993857
Did you send the disgusting little furfag back to his parents?

[Anonymous No.9993893]

>>9993883
I called his dad right then and there. In the doorway.

[Anonymous No.9993903]

>>9993893
Annihilation. How the fuck did you agree to that? How old was he?

[Anonymous No.9993908]

>>9993857
This is why you set rules before you let people live with you.

[Anonymous No.9993935]

>>9993903
I have a big flat with a mad rent. Need roommates for the money. I can afford it on my own but then I can't live like a human being. Military paychecks ain't as impressive as people think.

>>9993908
I didn't think it could get this bad actually.

[Anonymous No.9994246]

>>9986616
You sure type like a fucking broad

[Anonymous No.9994303]

>A couple nights ago, cooking with gf
>Apparently ran out of aluminum foil so she decided to use parchment paper in the baking pan
>I'm prepping vegetables in the another part of the kitchen and am unaware
>Smell smoke not 30 seconds after she puts food in the oven
>open oven up to blazing flames

[Anonymous No.9994313]

>>9994303
Oh, and it was turned up to broil.

[Anonymous No.9994336]

>>9993935
What about BAH? Why aren't you living within your means and saving money?

Just live in the damn barracks

[Anonymous No.9994381]

>>9987862
Learn to greentext or go post someplace else

[Anonymous No.9994391]

>boil the kettle to make coffee
>the water comes out some weird colour
>turns out roomate makes tea by putting the bags straight into the kettle and not bothering to take them out or clean it after

[Anonymous No.9994485]

>>9985005
this
it's full of flavor

[Anonymous No.9994534]

>>9994336
It was the only apartment I could find.

[Anonymous No.9994569]

>>9994534
Too good for the barracks?

[Anonymous No.9994599]

>>9994569
What are you even talking about? Homeless shelters?

[Anonymous No.9994620]

>>9994599
Nigga

You said you were military, but you're not living the barracks to save money.

[Anonymous No.9994657]

>>9987986
If it doesn't matter, why are you so upset?
Why do you let people fuck up your emotions so much? This person wasn't even TRYING to trigger you and off you went.

Is this who you want to be? A person who gets upset at people on the internet mentioning their gender? Not only that, but someone who gets upset and then feels the need to rage in a thread about it?

[Anonymous No.9994677]

>>9988202
It varies greatly when the landlord lives in the building.

[Anonymous No.9994698]

>>9991329
>chan-police - Detective Division

[Anonymous No.9994706]

>>9994620
Ah that. I am a royal guard at the castle. I did at first but got sick thanks to bad isolation.

[Anonymous No.9994713]

>>9991958
Fire cleanses everything.

[Anonymous No.9994730]

>>9992155

[Anonymous No.9994738]

>>9993190
Is your roommate your husband?

[Anonymous No.9994745]

>>9994706
>I am a royal guard at the castle
Oh I thought you were actual military, my bad

[Anonymous No.9994766]

>Peruvian roomie
>thank god he's almost never at home
>few times he's at home cooking it smells like shit
>he cooks some weird cured strips of meat
>i assume it's beef but I don't discard jungle style human flesh jerky

image probably related

[Anonymous No.9994778]

>>9994766
he's probably doing some anticuchos and if that's the case you're really missing out

[Anonymous No.9994788]

>>9994391
>Friend makes tea
>Week later I'm going to heat some water, open the kettle, 4 tea bags sticking to the bottom with swamp water around
That wasn't even the worst he did that day, he took a massive shit and didn't flush, thank God I live alone and don't have to deal with this shit on my daily life

[Anonymous No.9994802]

>be me in college
>buy a rice cooker, rice, soy sauce
>excited about how well it works, show it to roommate
>roommate is a big guy
>leave town that weekend (just two nights)
>he has eaten 1 quart + of rice and the bottle of soy sauce (20 fl. oz.) is half empty

[Anonymous No.9994861]

>>9994778
it smells like hell, i don't know if i would like that

[chop No.9994877]

>>9994766
That looks better than I remember.
Was it remastered?

[Anonymous No.9994883]

>have roommate
>roommate is not a complete mongoloid and knows how to cook
>makes an absolutely bomb as fuck chicken parm
>doesn't skip out on quality ingredients
>pays on time, every time
>become best of bros over the last four or so years we've roomed together

Really gotta wonder where y'all find these people, and why you choose to live with them.

[Anonymous No.9994940]

>>9986382
This post was a wild ride from start to finish.

[Anonymous No.9995029]

>>9993857
>kigurumi
bullshit

[Anonymous No.9995044]

>>9995029
Never.

[Anonymous No.9995092]

>>9994883
You guys suck each other's dicks too?

[Anonymous No.9995130]

>>9988144
>6 foot
>orge
Manlet/woman detected

[Anonymous No.9995147]

>>9988353
>>Go away for a month
>>He puts all his garbage and dirty clothes in my room
>>Tell him to clean it up
>>"Dude chill"
>>Yell at him until he does
Dude HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS EXACTLY THE RELATIONSHIP I HAVE WITH MY LITTLE FUCKING BROTHER. I swear to fucking god I fucking despise him he's so fucking inconsiderate and he's fucking 26 years old yet acts like he's 14 a rebellious. I fucking can't stand him. God damn I feel your pain man.

[Anonymous No.9995205]

>Roommate says he's going to cook for both of us one day
>says it's a surprise
>return home from work and he's in the kitchen
>the kitchen is filled with smoke
>he's about to jump out the window
>I ask him what the hell he's doing
>"oh anon, I was just stretching my calves on the windowsill"
>says that the smoke is actually steam and that he's making steamed clams
>thinking he has it under control I leave the kitchen
>10 minutes later he comes out of the kitchen with McDonald's burgers and claims he made them
who the fuck does he think he's fooling?, the house almost burnt down because he forgot to turn off the oven.

[Anonymous No.9995239]

>>9995205
>>he's about to jump out the window

[Anonymous No.9995245]

>>9995205
steamed hams is fucking reddit tier

[Anonymous No.9995302]

>>9995245
What is steamed hams?

[Anonymous No.9995326]

>>9995205
this is the plot of family guy or something right

[Anonymous No.9995329]

>>9993864
female (male)

[Anonymous No.9995330]

>>9995302
It's what we call hamburgers in Albany NY

[Anonymous No.9995335]

>>9987052
>>9988122
>>9987986
>>9987991

He probably isn't, but you get 300% more answers if you add that to your post, because people will get triggered because
> attention seeking or
> horny for female

[Anonymous No.9995336]

>>9994303
parchment paper shouldnt burn though. Ive cooked shit at 500F and the parchment paper didnt burn. turned a little brown but no fire.

[Anonymous No.9995347]

In college the guy I was living with knew how to cook pasta but that was it so he would reply on those stir in sauces whenever he didn't have the money to order in. Well, at one point he'd forgotten to buy said sauce and decided to open up a can of chicken and mushroom soup and just dunk the whole can over the top of it. So there I was watching him eat this grey, watery mess while he tries to convince me it's actually good. He swore by it the entire time I lived there and I saw him make it on a number of occasions after that.

[Anonymous No.9995367]

>>9995205

[Anonymous No.9995414]

>>9995205
similar story but more painful

>coming home from lecture
>pass roommate leaving, looks kinda sweaty
>"oh hey Anon, I'm just uh, I have to go to lab now"
>huh he's acting kind of weird
>go into the flat
>kitchen is full of hazy grey black smoke
>eyes immediately stinging and burning, can't see shit, think I'm dying
>lips, nose starts to burn
>jesus fuck I need to get outside
>beg the downstairs neighbors for some water
>finally get it under control, go back in with head wrapped in shirt to open the windows
>notice smoke coming from turned-off oven, open it
>stupid fucking roommate was roasting habaneros in the oven
>burned them and apparently thought the best course of action was to leave them
>and leave the flat full of poison smoke
christ that guy was a knob

[Anonymous No.9995439]

>>9986382
>fuck off (politely)

[Anonymous No.9995481]

>>9995335
Femanon here.
You cracked the code ;^)

[Anonymous No.9995482]

>>9995130
You can be an ogre no matter your height

[Anonymous No.9995551]

>>9985682
Any bbq sauce that doesn't have either tomatoes or vinegar as the first ingredient belongs in the garbage

[Anonymous No.9995588]

not a roommate story, but one of my tenants in an apartment complex
>be a short order cook
>want to make potato skins
>start heating up big pot of oil
>fire alarm starts beeping, turn it off, take out battery because i am a genius
>suddenly realize that i am tired and am going to go take a nap
>wake up to the apartment on fire

and that's why you buy tenant's insurance folks, because even if you think you're careful, and the building's fine, there's no guarantee that the retard on top of you isn't going to set the whole place on fire

[Anonymous No.9995773]

>>9986616
Nobody cares that you have a vagina you stupid whore. Why do women on 4chan have a need to let everybody know about the presence of a pussy between their legs?

[Anonymous No.9995784]

>>9986651
Based tennis racket anon

[Anonymous No.9995913]

>>9988353
>>9995147
itt enablers

[Anonymous No.9995917]

>during sophomore year in college live in house with 5 other friends from freshman dorms
>have mostly the same friend group and our house ends up being the usual party spot
>whenever one vietnamese guy gets drunk he decides that he has to start cooking
>his go-to "recipe" was raw chicken in a pan with a shitton of red pepper flakes and vegetable oil on high heat
>hood vent on our stove didn't actually vent anywhere
>the burning red pepper flakes create a noxious smoke cloud that sear your sinuses and cause everyone in the living room drinking to start coughing uncontrollably
>have to evacuate the house and open the windows and doors until it mostly disperses
happened at least every other time we had people over, usually when it was raining or 30F outside.

[Anonymous No.9995936]

>>9990639
>I want to experience this in either Doom 2 or Resident Evil 7.

What do you mean by this?
some other guy in that thread also said something about a doom 3 mod

[Anonymous No.9995994]

>>9993157
>shitting on flyovers
>while you're living with a bunch of neanderthals
i'm not sure of the message here

[Anonymous No.9996000]

>>9995330
I thought that came from Utica, NY.

[Anonymous No.9996015]

>>9995936
I think he meant in RE:7 or Doom 2016? Since they are some of the best games at making the environment feel real/horrifying

[Anonymous No.9996021]

>>9995588
You work as a cook and you go to sleep with a pot of hot oil on the stove?

[Anonymous No.9996038]

>>9995994
Literally jealousy incarnate

[Anonymous No.9996042]

>>9996021
i was telling the story from his point of view
no, he was not a very smart person
drugs may or may not have been involved, though honestly i'm not sure if makes him look any better if he was high as a kite

[Anonymous No.9996421]

People actually live in the same house with strangers? Roommates with someone you know, sure, but strangers? come on now

[Anonymous No.9996771]

>>9984999
Sometimes you need to be passive agressive. Im assuming youre roomate was some spectrum of autist and telling them about their fuck up more than once didnt do a damn thing. I know that feel bro

[Anonymous No.9996780]

>>9984505
Pic is not "boiling a can", they're making dulce de leche to pour on a desert, you'll thank them later.

[Anonymous No.9996894]

>>9986382
funny story about my aunt visiting a while back
>aunt lives out of town and pops in once in a while
>while she’s visiting, my mother has to go into the city for work
> I cook dinner
>central asian pilaf w/ carrots and raisins
>also okra
> i cook it really fucking well
> she gets inspired
> next night she says she’s cooking
>she’s really enthusiastic
>surprised when she tells me dinners ready
>she made sweet potatoes
>with raisins
>not even cooked, just dry raisins thrown on top
>here’s the kicker
>she baked avocado, pickled red pepper, and olives
>she baked a fucking avocado
>and unseasoned black beans
>she’s so proud of herself for cooking a “healthy and delicious” meal
>i insist on cooking dinner for the rest of the week
i’m not even joking there’s something mentally wrong with my aunt. I’m sorry, I needed to rant about this.

[Anonymous No.9996947]

>>9996894
There's nothing wrong with her, she's just a normie

[Anonymous No.9997078]

>>9996780
if you read then you'd know that it was a similar pic to give a visual, and that the person boiled a fucking tuna can you retarded fucknugget

[Anonymous No.9997385]

>>9993935
>Military paychecks ain't as impressive as people think

That's...horrifying, given no one believes you're even solidly middle class if you're in the military and aren't an officer.

[Anonymous No.9997407]

>roommate is a big guy

>>9994802
>>9994802
>>9994802
>>9994802

[Anonymous No.9998369]

>>9988882
holy shit
the narrator is the biggest bitch i have ever seen
what a pussy

[Anonymous No.9998393]

>>9984505

>buy a home
>girlfriend has recently married friends
>offer them to rent a room from me
>watch their daily dinner fight
>"whats for dinner tonight... THOMAS! It's your turn to cook!"
>"Honey, I worked a 10 hour day today, I'm exhausted!"
>" I only worked 6 hours, but it felt like 12! It's your turn! you do it!"
>their bickering and fighting just makes me want to improve my own relationship
>make a point of having fun in the kitchen and cooking together around them

[Anonymous No.9998423]

>>9998393
Marrying a white woman, what a rookie mistake.

I would bet my life savings that the marriage won't last 10 years.

[Anonymous No.9998487]

>>9987986
Why should we care about some fucking namefaggots opinion?

[Anonymous No.9998514]

>>9998423

their situation is not good, they bicker about fucking everything.

he is a beta at his core. You can clearly tell he is trying to be reasonable, talk things out calmly, and resolve the issues, but his wife just badgers him and keeps trying to convince the people around at the time that he is being unreasonable.

poor guy needed a green card.


While I'm here, anyone got any good recipes using szechuan peppercorns?

[Anonymous No.9998542]

>>9984505
I have so many stories to contribute. You see, I had a Gareth in my life. Gareth is the kind of person that inspires books and movies. Gareth was the type of housemate everyone finds hilarious in theory -- but would 10/10 murder if they had to spend more than a day in his actual presence. Gareth also brings back unhealthy feelings of rage and the need for blind revenge so I really shouldn't.

But, for reading this far, I'll leave you with this.

When I moved in and while I was trying to scrub away at least some of the plague rotting around the house, he declared himself an artist, and asked me for the empty cleaning bottles. I figured he would probably use them for some project or something, and let him have them.

No. No project. No project at all.

His artistry was "kitchening" (his word - apparently he excelled in all things kitchen) and the bottles were for his special "brew". Gareth, a pot enthusiast, used to smoke his joints down to saliva-drenched spitblobs which he would then proceed to toss in the spray bottles that he had filled with cider. The bottles (pic related) were easy to hook over his radiator and were narrow enough to fit snuggly over his headpost, hence allowing him to enjoy a warm sip of "tea" whenever he felt like it. He thought it was genius. He genuinely did.

Gareth. Fucking, Gareth.

[Anonymous No.9998813]

>>9988851
http://braindead-roommate-from-hell.blogspot.ca/2006_09_01_archive.html

[Anonymous No.9999583]

>>9995147
Rape him

[Anonymous No.10000733]

>>9996894
I can understand being upset because what she cooked was bad, but at least she had the consideration to make you food anon so you might not have to cook for once.

Granted I absolutely refuse to let anyone cook my food by the people whom I live with, but if they already did I'm not going to be an asshole and waste food like that.

The only time it has ever bitten me in the ass for doing so is when my mother once made jambalaya and I despise creole food.

[Anonymous No.10000818]

>>9995147
>>9988353
Oh you mother fuckers think that's bad.

Hol up, y'all bout to puke.

>living with mother and retarded older brother whom was twenty-four or so years old at the time.
>This man-child is 500 pounds and I have never once seen him bathe in his life before this point. The only time I have heard of him doing so, was when he was arrested and the police forcibly fire hosed him clean and incinerated his clothes.

>One day, Smelly-Mcracingstripe decided he was going to have is post-dinner snack, but all we had at the time was a few things in the fridge.

>I'm only aware of him doing this due to a couple of things:
>1) His stomping throughout the house will shake the fridge and windows. I'm not even remotely kidding.
>2) I hear his fat grunts from bending over to reach into the fridge.
>3) Shortly after that, about ten minutes or so, I hear a blender going off.

>Now, by this time I've gotten out of my desk chair and walked to my door, which directly connects to the kitchen area.
>I see this mass of sweat, food, and shame standing straight up inserting things into the blender, occasionally stopping to blend it together.

>I walk out of my room a bit and ask him what's he blending together.
>He gives me his patented fat grunt of disatisfaction at my question.

>I calmly walk over, but not close enough to smell him and see there, on the counter, a number of items.

>Strawberry ice cream container.
>Emptied bag of various vegetables (looked like mostly peas and carrots)
>Emptied sleeve of beef hotdogs
>Emptied container of whole strawberries
>Half emptied bottle of milk

>"What the fuck is that Bill?"
>"Uuuuuh it's a hot dog smoothie uhhh"


I watched in horror as this bovine-man gulp this slurry of horror down. I'm not even making this up, I've told this story to everyone anytime the subject seems to fit the need. I have many more stories, but the Hotdog Smoothie is ONE of the worst where I actually vomited.

[Anonymous No.10000828]

>>9988353
>associating with anyone who smokes

If a person is under 40 years old and smokes anything, but especially tobacco, it's a surefire sign that they're a lil bit shitty/mentally weak

[Anonymous No.10000848]

>>9988404
>watercooker
water cooker?

[Anonymous No.10001001]

>>9998542
>leaving joint buds in luke-warm cider for days on end
At least cider is acidic, so it might not be a biological WMD, but still.

[Anonymous No.10001033]

hi, I'm the roommate that microwaves spam, AMA

[Anonymous No.10001103]

>>10000848
Im guessing electric kettle.

Girlfriend made milk in mine once and was never allowed to touch it again. Luckily, it came clean at least.

[Anonymous No.10001115]

>>10001033
As long as you remove it from the can first, seems fine to me

[Anonymous No.10001286]

>>9995994
maybe because you're so stupid you cherry picked two completely different aspects of what i said and tried to make that the basis of my argument when that was clearly not the point. the point was that rent is so high where i live that you have to be making a fair amount of money to live alone, and these were all times while i was studying and couldn't work full time.

[Anonymous No.10001306]

>>9984999
how much of a little bitch you are amazes me. I'd love it if your roommate decided to throw your grill to the trash because he thinks it doesn't work

[Anonymous No.10001329]

>>9985556
>I lived in a house with 14 other people
are you a gypsy ?

[Anonymous No.10001333]

>>10001001
Everything smelled like diarrhea-encrusted, stale jizzsocks.

[Anonymous No.10001350]

>>9986382
>I can't believe I'm related to someone who lives off of furry porn commissions.
your whole family should be wiped off the earth

[Anonymous No.10001475]

>>9985556

patrician

[Anonymous No.10001533]

>>9987862

sounds horrible. steamed sweet potato is insanely good btw.

[Anonymous No.10001673]

>>9996894

doesnt sound all that terrible desu. not delicious, but also not offensive in the sligtest

[Anonymous No.10001680]

>>9998514

mapo tofu. chinese cooking demystified on YT

[Anonymous No.10001683]

>>9984505
ITT: Things that never happened

[Anonymous No.10001699]

>>10000828

are you fucking retarded? everyone in the 19th century smoked. the founding fathers smoked. rocket scientists smoke.

[Anonymous No.10001817]

>>9994883
It's bad luck generally.

You know you meet a decent girl or guy and assume they won't be retarded.
Next thing you know you haven't been able to cook in a year and have so many chipotle rewards points you barely even pay anymore.

[Anonymous No.10001925]

>>9996894
no wonder her son turned out to be a furry

[Anonymous No.10001943]

Actually no, I haven't had a room mate.

[Anonymous No.10001950]

One time I tried to tear gas my roommate by frying Chili Peppers at Max temp on a stove with cooking oil and shoving the pan of frying Peppers into his room and ended up accidentally sending out the fire alarm and when the fire department came they discovered that he was growing shrooms in his closet.

[Anonymous No.10002151]

My current roommate has absolutely no interest in food tasting good. Unless he's eating out his meals consist of A) cereal B) plain pasta, sometimes with ground beef he heated in a pan or C) canned soup. Nothing else, ever. I moved in a week before him so when he first moved in I drove him to the grocery store so we could stock up. I remember saying "I already bought a thing of salt but we still need pepper" and he said "why?" Idk why he chooses to eat like a prisoner

[Anonymous No.10004037]

>>9998542
Ok, ew. Why the fuck do I keep coming back to this thread.

[Anonymous No.10004045]

How do you people live with a roommate? Like I live on my own but I can't imagine half my living space and fridge going to a stranger I don't know thats fucking weird.

[Anonymous No.10005541]

>>10004045
I live with my brother and an old friend.
I used to live with a guy from my old job and it was weird. He had dogs and the entire place had ants and shit. Tbh you get used to it after a while but if you come straight from a comfy place like your parents is a shock.

[Anonymous No.10005581]

How do you all end up with such shitty people?

The only "horror" stories I have is from cleaning our kitchen when I was living in some dorms kind of thing for short term students.
>6 rooms share 1 kitchen/living room and 3 bathrooms
>apart from that one weird british girl who lived of "fish fingers" everyone is normal
>she was nowhere near as bad as anything in this thread though
>all moved in the same semester
>kitchen was quite messed up from previous gen
>the 5 of us decide to do a full cleaning
>every room has assigned cupboards
>there's 7 cupboards
>What's in number 7?
>old, moldy, unwashed dishes…
>cleaning the fridge
>whos milk is that?
>…
>Oh, it was best before last month, I'll just drain it down the sink
>it was the last month a year ago… almost puked

[Anonymous No.10007038]

>>10001699
did you read my post? I know it used to be a norm, but nowadays, a young person who smokes is for sure weak in some way or another.

[Anonymous No.10007369]

>>10000818
why have you told me this

[Anonymous No.10007409]

>>9998423
If you don't want your kids to be subhumans you'd better marry a white woman.

[Anonymous No.10007566]

>>10000818
dont be a baby, it might be really nice

[Anonymous No.10007601]

Northern Yankee fag here
>Live with ethnics
pic related
>only homosexuals who never clean
>they brag about cooking
>just make a mess and overly salty food
>vienna sausages and rice I shit you not
I decide to cook for the house one night.
> Mid level steak, fresh cut fries, broccoli/cauliflower
>OMG it's pink in the middle. I cant eat raw meat. Ironic
>Those steaks were on point
>They did not want to clean that shitty puerto rican pan of theirs. Was full of scorched rice
>Break my rice cooker.
Want to shit on them, but they were brey cool.
>also
Why are black people, and puerto ricans afraid to cook/eat meat that's below burnt? Pink is good mein brethren.

[Anonymous No.10007643]

>>9995205
Underrated

[Anonymous No.10007862]

>Coming home after doing groceries at the asian store.
>"Mate I've brought some soy sauce and sesame oil - It'll take me a while to finish that stuff so just use it if you wanna use it"
>Soy sauce empty after a weel
>Sesame oil has been used to cook pasta in water and to fry EVERYTHING
Afterwards I told him nah dude thats not how you use that shit get your own stuff and leave my stuff the fuck alone

[Anonymous No.10007889]

>>10000818
This is just too outlandish to be believable
I really hope this isn't real

[Anonymous No.10007904]

I don't have a specific story, but I'm in a Uni dorm and fuck the German and Indian roommates.

>always use my utensils and never wash them
>always leave piles of unwashed shit in the sink for weeks
>if they wash they just rinse things with cold water real quick
>they make a huge mess every time and never clean it
>stove is literally all gunked up with burnt disgusting shit
>keep burning baking paper, that they didn't even buy in the first place
>terrible smell everywhere
>Indian dude literally spills some yogurt in front of me on the table, smushes it with his fingers and walks away

Fuck Indians. Germans are subhumans too.

[Anonymous No.10007909]

>>10007601
>Why are black people, and puerto ricans afraid to cook/eat meat that's below burnt? Pink is good mein brethren.
Same reason why middle class white people think low and slow or "nose to tail" are some radical new hipster invention

Only a few cuts are good medium rare. If you grew up eating shanks and cheeks and stuff like that, it's going to seem weird to you to have a ribeye that's red on the inside, just like to you it probably seems like a wild gastronomic excursion to get meat that's mostly tendons and sinew

[Anonymous No.10007944]

>>9993157
Japan. I have a 3 bedroom house to myself for $500 a month and free gigabit internet. Just don't live in Tokyo Kyoto or Osaka.

[Anonymous No.10007964]

>>10007944
goddamm. I sometimes think about moving to KL or some place like that where I could live in a 1%er palace with my current living expenses but the latency really freaks me out, I dunno if I could get my job done on developing country internet

you have a residency dealy or what? working locally?

[Anonymous No.10007969]

>>9995347
It's actually pretty good.

[Anonymous No.10008012]

>>10001329
He might've lived in a ski town or a college sharehouse in an expensive city.
Last time I did a ski season our neighbors was a house of 20 Swiss but we only had 10 in our house. Landlords just pack em in 4-6ppl in a room and charge em full price.

[Anonymous No.10008030]

>>10004045
It's pretty sweet, especially if your housemates are clean and are good people. It's like being able to hang out with your friends whenever you want. Having someone to chat with over a beer and a smoke together after work is nice.

There are positives and negatives to both though. Living alone is pretty sweet too but it's a bit boring and lonely sometimes, but you get to do what you want when you want, don't have to share space or worry about making noise.

t. Dude who had bro housemates are uni, lived alone for 8 years, had housemates for 2 years now is alone again.

[Anonymous No.10008039]

>>10007964
If you have any University degree you can work in public schools teaching English. It's mostly just playing bingo and card games with kids for 2-3h then 3h coffee breaks shitposting on 4chan.

[Anonymous No.10008055]

>>10008039
yeah that sounds awful, I’m too old for that shit

I could work for my current job remotely but the poorer countries are a bit more relaxed about western people just kinda showing up and hanging out without a local sponsor

[Anonymous No.10008060]

>>10007369
Because the thread gave me a reason to.

>>10007566
No, you looked and smelled like liquid vomit.

>>10007889
Oh anon, it is real. I wish it wasn't, but it is. I used to have a picture, but overtime I lost it.

If I had to describe what it looked like with better detail, it looks like McDonold's Pink chicken slurry with bits of peas and carrots floating around it.

It smelled like a horrible mixture of Hot dog juice, the water in cans used to preserve the vegetables, and near rotten strawberries. The worst part of it was definitely smelling the salty hotdog water mixed with the vegetables. The strawberry smell was so faint it was just sort of there.

Still the worst part was watching my brother swallow this horrible potion like he was a pelican eating a fish. You've no idea of horror and disgust like I have anons.

I have more stories if anyone's interested, but that's definitely the worst when it came to food.

[Anonymous No.10008100]

>>10008060
and? the vast majority of people who invented most of the foods we consider great now both looked and smelled like vomit.

seriously, think about how shit like cheese came to existence, decades before fridges, hygiene, some dude saw a cows tits hanging below it, and he decided...to give it a tug, and then not just do that, collect it, skim it, store it, let it rot till it turned this yellow color or something

and then he ate it. never had applesauce with your pork? its not that far different...

[Anonymous No.10008684]

>>9987896
Why would she use a fresh sponge on her aquarium and why should she care about keeping dirty dishes sanitary if they already need to be cleaned and sanitized?

[Anonymous No.10008705]

>>10007601
>Why are puerto ricans afraid to eat meat thats below burnt
My dads family eats that shit all the time boi.
But if i had to guess its probably because most ricans eat sandwich steak and its always burnt well done. And a lot of pork and you can't have the shit medium rare.

[Anonymous No.10009073]

>>9985514
So pulled chicken sandwiches

[Anonymous No.10009299]

>>9998423
I think its usually optimal for most people to marry their race but they shouldnt be restricted to it. Tbh it sounds like you had to settle for something and have convinced yourself that white girls are scum. Hmmmmm

[Anonymous No.10009426]

>>10000733
Jambalaya is great you homo

[Anonymous No.10009439]

>>10007909
Literally no one middle class thinks that

[Anonymous No.10009816]

I'm too autistic to have any roommates
I care too much about my expensive computer equipment for anyone else I don't trust to live with me

[Anonymous No.10009839]

>>9990639
>Anyone have stories about good roommates?
All I've got is this autistic guy I live with.
He keeps to himself and always cleans things even if I tell him I'll do it.

[Anonymous No.10010002]

>>10007909
???
Brokefags growing up would probably have London Broil for steak choice. Which you basically have to eat raw.
>middle class white people, slow and low
They are probably the people who do it the most. Crockpot some food, come home from work and dinner is done. Bro the fuck you on homie?