/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.9866902]

Times people didn't want to try your cooking
>be me
>invites her friend to stay overnight while I was back from uni
>offer to make breakfast
>they agree
>I make scrambled eggs
>I do the Gordon Ramsey method where you constantly beat the eggs over heat
>hard work but so worth it
>put some salt, pepper, and spring onions in them
>start to pour some of the eggs onto my toast
>"You're going to get salmonella, anon!"
>I tell my mom that it's more cooked than sunnyside up eggs
>she doesn't care
>takes my pot of eggs and cooks them more
>doesn't even keep stirring
>eggs are now rubbery and dry
>"Mhm, these eggs are good!"
>try her eggs
>they taste the same as her shitty eggs
>tfw

[Anonymous No.9866926]

>>9866902
Never because cooking is considered some archane art and people think of me as some five stars chef for following instructions on a food whishes video

[Anonymous No.9866956]

>>9866902
i don't even attempt to cook for my parents anymore
my mother thinks she knows better than me every time we cook together and will burn or salt into oblivion every dish i let her handle
any kind of beef i cook will always be "raw" or "dangerous and undercooked" for my dad. he is actually one of those well-done and sauce kind of people and it makes me ashamed of my bloodline. good thing i'll never reproduce and introduce a child into this idiocy.

[Anonymous No.9867016]

>>9866956
My mother was similar but I'm pretty sure she was just angry at how quickly I learned to cook with absolutely no instruction. She would make up all kinds of imaginary complaints and it even got to the point where she would make up reasons to not even try it. Wasn't until my sister became so fascinated with whatever I was making that she begrudgingly started to pay compliments. Even still when I would try something new and have her taste it to see if it was ok, I could totally see in her face that it pained her how much better than her cooking it was.

[Anonymous No.9867020]

>>9866926
Holy shit are you me? I am the biggest retard ever and all I do to cook is watch chef john videos and copy what he does. Everytime I get comments like "omg are you a chef???" Thank you based chef john.

[Anonymous No.9867029]

>>9867016
my mom is a cunt too.

[Anonymous No.9867360]

>>9866902
I smell the soylent grin out of your post

[Anonymous No.9868125]

> be me
> Throw a bbq party
> Make 22lbs of chicken sate
> friend helps me to prick the chicken
> Word goes around he didn't wash his hands or some shit.
> No one wants the sate
> Everybody orders pizza

[Anonymous No.9868782]

i made a big, slightly oversalted brioche and left it out on my kitchen counter. my housemate had friends over and when i got back they said 'was it you who made that shitty cake?' and now they constantly bring up the shitty 'cake' every time i see them.

[Anonymous No.9868789]

>Made beef stew for the first time the other day (came out delicious by the way)
>mom be like: "omg that smells so good"
>offer her a piece of beef
>"i dont have time i have to go

I-its just one piece of beef...

[Anonymous No.9868811]

>>9868789
She always has time for some of my meat though.
If you know what I mean.
It's a "I fucked your mother" type of joke.

[Anonymous No.9868815]

>>9866902
>>9868125

American germophobia is why they can't have nice things.

[Anonymous No.9868828]

>>9868815
I'm a eurofag though

[Anonymous No.9868837]

>>9868125
Im pretty anal on food hygene (atleast when Im cooking for others), but holy shit, it goes on a bbq. All the bad stuff gets killed by the heat.

[Anonymous No.9868841]

>>9868811

thanks, we couldn't tell

[Anonymous No.9868844]

cold milk
hot roux
no lumps

[Anonymous No.9868864]

>>9868782
Having roommates shows you how awful normal people are. I now pay more in rent but treasure being alone and not having to deal with shitty people once I close the front door. Never again.

[Anonymous No.9868894]

>>9868815
I know, I was at a very nice steakhouse once and the lady next to my table orders a dry aged filet fucking well done, see specifically said she didn't want any red, and she sent it back when it had a little bit of red, almost fucking slapped her for doing that to a $60 steak

[Anonymous No.9868897]

>>9868844

[Anonymous No.9868950]

when i made pasta puttanesca my sister insisted i make a second set of sauce because my sister doesnt like anchovies

my mom made me do it even though my sister never ate anchovies outside salads which is not comparable to putting them in a sauce with a long cooking time

[Anonymous No.9868960]

>>9867016
>>The absolute state of women for .. forever

[Anonymous No.9869094]

>>9868950
Does she know it's in Caesar dressing

[Anonymous No.9869146]

>>9869094
Definitely not

[Anonymous No.9869194]

>mom and dad are typical, old, white boomers
>had to move back home after college for a bit
>mom insisted I cook since I wasn't working >finding things they liked on a budget that wasn't potatoes, meat, and steamed veg every night was a hassle
>mom complained that she was tired of eating the same things so I had to cook something new
>they don't like anything with "too much spice" or "weird stuff"
>don't like the majority of seafood unless they see other white people eat it and even then standard things like salmon they dislike
>but they like shrimp and they've made """gumbo""" before, so I'd make a good gumbo!
>http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/shrimp-gumbo-recipe-1946875
>didn't deviate from that recipe besides adding some okra, which my parents like somehow
>gumbo comes out excellent
>SO tries it, we can't stop eating it
>parents go to try it and I can tell mom doesn't like
>mom saw me make the stock from the shrimp heads and thinks that's "weird"
>she also doesn't understand why I didn't add the rice into the pot with the gumbo
>mom also thinks the gumbo is "too spicy"
>dad likes the gumbo because he's actually been to louisiana before
>mom thought gumbo was supposed to turn out more like the box mix she had made """gumbo""" from
>tells me how she only wanted "bland" food from then on

It was like feeding a toddler, so fussy. And it's only going to get worse as she ages.

[Anonymous No.9869239]

I decided I was only going to cook for myself, making food for my family is a waste of time and ingredients, and I always end up eating everyone's portions. It's frustrating

[Anonymous No.9869313]

Does it count if they refused after eating a large amount? Happened two years ago:
>have fatass aunt on my mom's side of the family
>I'm not the skinniest dude ever either, but if I'm the moon this bitch is fucking jupiter
>I'm at my mom's place for the holidays and she comes by to visit with a few others for christmas
>couple days after christmas I'm making a big pot of this mushroom chili for everyone
>nearly done, stir and leave it simmering the last few minutes while I go off to use the bathroom
>come back a few minutes later and aunt is sitting at the table by herself with a bigass bowl of chili in front of her
>kinda pissed because that was supposed to be for dinner but I figure there's still more than enough for everyone
>I checked the pot and in the time I was taking a shit I figure the bitch had to have eaten at least two other bowls from how much was missing
>become even more pissed
>"Oh anon this stuff is so good! What kind of meat is in this?"
>trying not to erupt in anger as I list off the ingredients I used
>get to mushrooms
>she gets a weird look on her face and stops eating
>backs away from the bowl and starts to almost gag
>throws the rest of what was in her bowl in the trash even though it was almost full
>I had to leave the fucking house because I was very nearly contemplating homicide at that moment
There were a bunch of people there but I had just enough left for everyone else for dinner. I decided not to make a scene since the bitch was going to be there another like two days only and I didn't want to fuck my mom's christmas up. Later on she had the nerve to fucking tell me to make it with meat next time because "mushrooms make me sick."

[Anonymous No.9869344]

>>9866902
Gordon Ramsay eggs are nasty though. My wife makes them all the time but I much prefer a classic fluffy scrambled.

[Anonymous No.9869362]

>>9869313
What did you do to the mushrooms to give her the impression that they were meat, fatty?

[Anonymous No.9869651]

>years ago
>make shrimp for family
>they all fucking love it
>try it again
>can't get it right
>they keep asking me to try it
GOD DAMNIT I DON'T KNOW

[Anonymous No.9870193]

>>9868782
>throws old bread in trash
> roommate proceeds to eat bread from directly from the trash

" That's probably the shittiest bread you have ever made anon"

[Anonymous No.9870239]

>>9869344
Try just pushing them around, tilting the pan once there is room left from the made scrambed eggs till there is no liquid left. Top will still be juicy and prevent drying out. The sramblet omelett style makes it great for putting on sandwhiches.

[Anonymous No.9870258]

>>9868811
What's the difference between his mom and a fridge?

fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.

[Anonymous No.9870276]

>>9869362
Not that guy, but mushrooms can have a vaguely meaty flavor to fatties with the palates of children, especially when they're masked with strong spices in a chili.

[Anonymous No.9871536]

>>9866956
My grandma is awful for this. If I don't hover over whatever I'm making she'll sneak a FUCKLOAD of salt into it when I'm not looking. Whatever I WAS cooking is fucked, now it's just sodium gruel.

[Anonymous No.9871548]

>Be American
>Cook
>No one wants to eat it because it is not McDonald's

[Anonymous No.9871549]

>egg-cheese-dashi-sake soup with venison meatballs wtf? yea

[Anonymous No.9871627]

>>9868864
This. I thought I hated everyone pretty reasonably, even for 4chan standards. But when I got college roommates, I realised that about 80 percent of other human beings are just walking pieces of trash.

[Anonymous No.9871632]

>be her
>he reads OP's story
>I randomly shift tenses in the first few lines
>our faces when the greentext story is completely incomprehensible

[Anonymous No.9871650]

>>9868894
God, I was once the chef's guest at a Michelin star restaurant, he invited my entire family and my cunt mother refused to even try the wagyu because "it's raw". It was fucking melting in the rest of our mouths and she wouldn't even try it. I was so embarrassed that even though I was stuffed from all the other courses I ate a few pieces off her plate so the chef would think she at least fucking tried it. Thinking about the number of times we've gone out to eat at a nice restaurant and she's ordered a steak well done gets me fuming.

[Anonymous No.9872253]

>>9871549
Doesn't sound that bad tqbh

[Anonymous No.9872281]

>>9866902
My stepdad is afraid of anything "ethnic"... Trying to get him to try jerk chicken turned into a drunken game of horseshoes - about ten people in the garage trying to throw chunks of spicy, delicious chicken into his mouth.

He almost refused to eat Thanksgiving dinner because I butchered the turkey before cooking it, and put it all back together for serving. Apparently that's "Just not how it's done". Took him five hours and ten beers just to tell me I did a good job on the bird.

[Anonymous No.9872284]

>>9869344
You're doing them wrong if you don't like them.

[Anonymous No.9872288]

Y'all have some shitty families.
Stay strong. Godspeed

[Anonymous No.9872344]

>mother in law loves something I made
>Oh anon whats this I never had X like this
>"Grammas recipe"
>"Just a thing I wanted to try"
>"Its *french/spanish/italian gibberish* but Americanized"
>After she has gotten seconds, is sitting there eating more and asked me how I made it I tell her outright
>Yeah its giblet gravy
>Its the blood sausage from farmer Gregs
>Its stewed oxtail
>suddenly cant eat another bite
The worst was the mexican tripe soup, she didnt come back for 2 weeks. By worst I mean best

[Anonymous No.9872387]

>be me
>hate ethnic foods
>make classical french cuisine from escoffier/larouse
>everyone loves it.

[Anonymous No.9872458]

">BE ME"

What started this nonsense? If you remove that part it will be read exactly same and still assumes it's about you. Who else would it be if not explicitly stated?

t. triggered buttblastmaximus

[Anonymous No.9872473]

>>9872458
you've been here all summer huh?
im going to try this without seeming like a faggot: >be me is a 4channel colloquialism, and you don't use t. when referring to yourself.
lurk more man seriously.

[Anonymous No.9872476]

>>9867016
What a spoiled little brat.

[Anonymous No.9872483]

>>9872473
There is no such thing as 4channel. 4chan comes from futaba/2chan, which was an offspring site of 2channel (much like 8ch is of 4chan) when Hiroyuki and Nigger Jim ran the site into the ground and sold everyone's ip addresses. We have never been "channel" just like 2chan is never called 2channel.

[Anonymous No.9872488]

>>9869313
THIS.
>have fat ass brother at least 500lbs
>doing 4th of july bbq for family and friends
>bison burgers, smoked pork shoulder for pulledpork, brauts, potato salad, crunchy cabbage coleslaw, beers
>only like 12 people there so enough food for everyone, kept it under 100 bucks
>rest of family is having a good time swimming and playing volleyball shooting guns and stuff
>come back to the grill to find my uncle has been giving brother in question a burger every 15 minutes
>two bowls of potato salad, 5 burgers, 3 brauts, macaroni; but hasnt touched the coleslaw
>finish cooking all the rest at once for family sit down dinner on some picnic tables
>11 people havent had anything but snacks and there are only like 7 brauts a few burgers and a ton of coleslaw
>get pissed and bitch him out over it; he ate like 2/3rds of the food over a few hours
>"broanon, I was hungry, it was going to get eaten anyway"
>whatever fuck you, let me grab the pork shoulder and pull it so everyone else can have pulled pork sandwiches with the left-over buns from you making double-decker bison burgers
>pull shoulder out of smoker
>.... what happened to the foil, how long has this been open and on
>pork is dry as fuck and already has like 2lbs pulled off it which I assume he ate by hand or mixed into the macaroni
>sit back on patio and crack open a beer while I watch friends bitch and complain about lack of food
How is this even possible... How can one person eat that much.

[Anonymous No.9872494]

>be me

[Anonymous No.9872499]

>>9872473
It wasn't and the influence to use otherwise came from reddit. Just like "t." Regardless it's simply unnecessary to use "be me" when it's universally understood without it.

[Anonymous No.9872503]

>>9872499
It's a meme you dip

[Anonymous No.9872507]

>>9872503
Fight the bad memes bro.

[Anonymous No.9872509]

>>9872507
Resist! the memes from 2007!

[Anonymous No.9872517]

>>9866926
where can i get cayenne pepper in bulk

[Anonymous No.9872530]

>>9872517
Restaurant supply - you can probably get anything from 1lb to a 50lb barrel shipped to you.

[Anonymous No.9872532]

>>9866956
dad didnt even let me cook ever because it was his hobby and his stuff
i havent seen him in two years
in those two years i learned how to cook
if i ever see him again im going to make his favourite food for him only better and then im getting drunk and beating him up because now i am bigger and stronger you piece of shit

[Anonymous No.9872537]

>>9872530
would that be enough to keep up with cheff jhon?

[Anonymous No.9872538]

>>9869313
>>9872488
God that sounds fucking horrible, but I have a story kinda like that
>When my uncle married my aunt, her family fucking hated him, never really got it because my uncle is cool as shit and they're the only people who i've ever heard talk shit about him
>her whole family is super obese, probably around 350-400 pounds for the mom and a little bit for her siblings
>My uncle does 2 christmases, one with my family and one with hers, and I heard they do some fucked shit
>They made just enough food for them and made him go do something outside, and while he was outside they took almost all but a little of the food
>My aunt, not being a cunt, got pissed at them and shared her food with my uncle, but he didn't have a fork, because the cunt mom took it, when he asked for it back, she hurried up and licked both sides of the fork and handed it over
>uncle left immediately, and there was more shit but my uncle never told me about it
It might have to do with the fact that my uncle is relatively fit and they were all lard asses

[Anonymous No.9872545]

>>9872537
You could probably do a line an hour for a year, and still have enough leftover for your friends.

[Anonymous No.9872547]

>>9867020
He's like the Austin Evans of cooking.

[Anonymous No.9872562]

>>9872538
That is vile. It's not because you're all fat and he's fit; it's because you act like pieces of shit...

[Anonymous No.9872576]

>>9872538
Some people are just fucked.

My ex gf's family is kind of like that. It took some serious cuntery on my part to get any respect from them at all - now they fucking love me, and she's off with someone else.

It's like being able to sound out the words of what that angry piece of taxidermy is saying (koli loslav dwi godene na dovie i ne veslavsya), but having to beat up an old Russian woman to find out what it means.

[Anonymous No.9872579]

>>9866902
>thanksgiving
>turkey
>wrapped in bacon, slow roasted in oven basted with wine and butter
>comes out beautiful
>tastes goddamn amazing
>i never got to try a piece of it
>I knew there was cyanide in it

[Anonymous No.9872581]

>home ec
>teacher told us to cook our favorite food and share
>made summer rolls
>people didn't want to eat because they've never seen shrimps before and the pork belly has fat
>whatever, me and my friend at it all

[Anonymous No.9872585]

>>9866902
>be me
>in real life
>go make sausage and egg burritos
>theyre absolutely stunning
>like
>wow
>wrap them in tortillas so they dont get cold
>run outside
>find stranger
>offer xer some
>they dont want to try it
what the fuck /x/ why are people such fucking fussy eaters

[Anonymous No.9872590]

>>9872473
faggot

[Anonymous No.9872593]

>>9872562
Did you read the story? My uncle is my dad's brother, he married my aunt and it was her family, my family all hates them after we heard that shit, I was young when it happened, so i've only seen them a couple times and I think fat women hate the fact that they are fat and take it out on non fat people

Who knows why they did it, but atleast everyone knows they're pieces of shit

>>9872576
Don't get the russian reference, but yeah some people are fucked

[Anonymous No.9872594]

>>9872581
>they've never seen shrimps before and the pork belly has fat

[Anonymous No.9872624]

>>9872581
Where the fuck do you live that shrimp is something alien to people?

[Anonymous No.9872630]

>>9872593
I fucked it up, but the text above that taxidermied cat is something like "Koli pospav dvi godini na dovu i ne vispavya" but I don't speak enough Slav to have any idea what it means.

[Anonymous No.9872731]

>>9867016
How could a mother act like this? Shouldn't you be proud of your child succeeding in something? What a fucking cunt.

[Anonymous No.9872737]

>>9868782
>having roommates

[Anonymous No.9872752]

>>9872731
Women are vile, petty creatures.

[Anonymous No.9872755]

>>9866902
I'd tell my mom to piss off then drink a raw egg in front of her.

[Anonymous No.9872822]

idk OP. my grandparents were legit humble people that traveled with the seasons to work in agricultural farming, they were braseros, but they also had legit simple but great cooking skills. tgey wound up with an citrus grove and small farm. my grandpa would drink a raw egg if it cracked on the way from the coop to the kitchen. so tgey weren't picky but would grow fucking amazing veg on their land, chickens, goat and rabbits and a pig in special occasions. we had it good. however everyone ese in my senpai is stuck in not trying new foods. my dad likes sushi. that's it.

[Anonymous No.9873706]

>>9866902
When I tried the ramsay method I realized every scrambled egg I had ever eaten in my life was shit. Fuck American style scrambled eggs. I've wanted to try French style where you cook them in a water bath and they come out even creamier. It takes long as fuck though and I never feel like going through the actual effort.

[Anonymous No.9873715]

>>9866902
I was going to make wordplay with eggs but you begin saying it is your friend and then change into your mom

[Anonymous No.9873727]

Reading this thread makes me feel a bit lucky that my family tends to enjoy my cooking. I can't recall them ever saying no to something I whipped up, and they'll happily dive into any dessert I make, and genuinely seem to enjoy it.

[Anonymous No.9873833]

>>9872458
Reddit started it. That's why you should tell every redditor that uses
>be me
to fuck off

[Anonymous No.9873857]

>>9868950
my mom doesn't eat any seafood products. whenever i make italian i use a bit of fish sauce, which is a fairly common trick. i've never told her and she has no idea why my pasta sauce is better than hers.

[Anonymous No.9873932]

>>9872281
>Trying to get him to try jerk chicken turned into a drunken game of horseshoes - about ten people in the garage trying to throw chunks of spicy, delicious chicken into his mouth.
Was the deal that if you could throw it into his mouth, he'd try it?
>>9872488
>>two bowls of potato salad, 5 burgers, 3 brauts, macaroni;
I'm skelly and can do that if there's a grill nearby and if it's not rude to do so.
>>9872494
>he doesn't just bee his self
>>9872509
this guy memes
>>9873833
this guy summers

[Anonymous No.9874716]

>>9866902
Whenever I don't bake fish or chicken, or when I don't make kool-aid or tea. At least my cousin likes the food/drinks I make.

[Anonymous No.9874744]

>>9873932
He said if I could get it past his lips, he'd try it. So I chopped some up, and the whole gaggle of us started trying to throw it in his mouth from 10'. If you missed, you had to drink and go to the back of the line.

[Anonymous No.9874757]

>>9874716
Who the fuck only eats baked chicken? That's the greasiest, least-pleasant way to eat it? Fried, grilled, roasted, sauteed, smoked are all better preparations.

[Anonymous No.9874762]

>>9872731
>not cooking with your mom and both enjoying what you made.
Visiting parents for Christmas right now. It's fun cooking with my mom, but I think we have similar tastes.

[Anonymous No.9874767]

>>9874757
Depends on if you leave the skin on, and how long you cook it. Also, fried is less greasy than baked? Nigger, what?

[Anonymous No.9874780]

>>9874762
I apparently make my mom nervous when I cook - I'm always a few steps ahead mentally, so I just rock it in autopilot which usually means I'm just following my knuckles with the blade, and trusting my hands rather than my eyes.

[Anonymous No.9874819]

>>9874780
That's a great way to cut your hands

[Anonymous No.9874842]

>>9874744
sounds unironically like good times

[Anonymous No.9874866]

>>9872581
Makes me furious when no one outside my family appreciates my pork belly, I always make the skin crispy and fat juicy but still getting hate for a "bit" of fat.

[Anonymous No.9874906]

>>9869194
>gumbo without okra
Fuckingg yanks
I'm pretty sure gumbo literally means okra

[Anonymous No.9874913]

>>9874819
Hasn't happened since my first year in the kitchen.

[Anonymous No.9874917]

>>9872576
>It's like being able to sound out the words of what that angry piece of taxidermy is saying (koli loslav dwi godene na dovie i ne veslavsya), but having to beat up an old Russian woman to find out what it means.
what

[Anonymous No.9874942]

>>9874917
I had it translated by a Russia bro... although he said it's probably Ukrainian.

The picture in >>9872538 (allegedly) roughly translates to "When you sleep for two hours and it's not enough sleep."

[Anonymous No.9875460]

>>9872630
It is probably ukrainian or some other non-russian slavic
>"when you have slept on the oak for two years and are still sleepy"

[Anonymous No.9875583]

>>9869194
The word originates from an angolan word meaning roughly 'okra' but Gumbo itself does not nessecarily have to have Okra and the best Gumbo I ever had didnt have Okra. Also I'm from South Louisiana.
There's also multiple kinds of Gumbo, Seafood Gumbo and Okra is good, Creole Gumbo is good with Okra, I do sometimes appreciate a good sausage and poultry gumbo but not that often with Okra, but my go to is Duck or Turkey and Andouille gumbo.
When I make gumbo, I by deboning my meat. I brown it, usually either turkey ,duck or an old hen cut up, brown it, then add a bit of wine to get up that fond at the bottom of the pot, remove the bones, then throw them back in, skim off some of the fat, then add a celery stalk, an onion some garlic salt and pepper and just make my stock that way. then I make a dark roux or just buy the stuff in the jar pre-made which is way faster and tastes no different than making it yourself, Savoie's is what I usually use. some andouille sausage, not too hot. Then sweat my vegetables, two cups onion, a cup of bell pepper, cup of celery, 3 cloves of garlic, big cloves, 3 bay leaves cracked, plenty of salt and pepper, then I throw this in with my roux and sausage, let it cook a bit, just enough to get it nice and all together before adding it all in together. into a nice big pot and letting that cook, reintroduce the poultry, some people like to put the file in when it's cooking, I dont, that's best done as it's coming out on the rice, and add a good bit of chopped parsely near the end of cooking so it's fresher.

The best Gumbo I ever had used duck and andouille sausage. Duck Gumbo is the best.

[Anonymous No.9876537]

>>9874913
>First year
Look at him, look at him and laugh.
Every apprentice needs that one cut to pull their head in

[Anonymous No.9876555]

>>9866902
>gordon ramsy invented scrambling eggs in a pan
>hard work
what i expect from someone who eats runny eggs

[Anonymous No.9876640]

Going WAYYY back to Christmas of 97' here;

>graduated culinary school, job lined up at father's friends new restaurant opening in January(ended up being March, but other story)
>making anything & everything all the time because practice for prime time
Had a friend at the time made great money, & got several grand Christmas bonus.
>so he & his wife buy like an ounce & a half of some great fucking blow
>be Christmas eve, made this huge spread for everyone
>started cooking night before
>set alarm multiple times throughout the night to wake up & keep shit on track for an early 1pm dinner
>everyone there by 11
>tray with a box of straws & huge pile of blow comes out by 1130, being passed around like a bong
>1 comes around, had the table set, bring out all this fucking food that cost hundreds of dollars & literally took from the night before to make perfect
>everyone takes a huge plate
>no on eats a bite

[Anonymous No.9876646]

>grow up with boomer mom who cooks by heating up frozen processed foods, fancy recipes involve mixing several processed such as putting jar pasta sauce on breaded chicken that's made of essentially Walmart tendies
>learn to cook in order to escape
>she literally never tries anything I make because she interrogates me to find out every single ingredient before she'll even taste it
>forbidden ingredients are "green things" (parsely, basil, oregano, green onion etc), tomatoes, spices that aren't pepper (but not too much), onions and garlic (but fine if powdered form), anything that could be construed as spicy ie. mild chili powder, cheeses that aren't mozzarella or cheddar, beef that isn't well done, chicken that isn't white meat, and pork (but hot dogs are okay)
>but she has no problem with eating any of the above if it's in the ingredient list of a frozen, pre assembled meal

[Anonymous No.9876654]

>>9876640
Is that a custom dentist club?

[Anonymous No.9876667]

>>9872731
Some women are normal and some are just real cunty. Believe me, this one was deep into the cunt side of the spectrum.

[Anonymous No.9876671]

>>9876646
Why don't boomers know how to eat?

[Anonymous No.9876695]

>>9876640
Wait, did nobody eat because of the blow?

[Anonymous No.9876696]

>>9876671
because they learned how to cook from people that grew up during the great depression

[Anonymous No.9876722]

This thread is going to give me a stroke

[Anonymous No.9876757]

>>9876695
Yep. Shit will kill your appetite.

I roasted a duck & a roast of beef (can't remember now what), made several kinds of dressings, potatoes, made a quiche, just made A LOT of fucking food, a cake, a couple pies, made cocktails(those went, I guess), just the biggest spread imaginable because much of it was to be offered on the holiday menu, & I wanted to be versed in making it. Plus I wanted to impress my friends, & I'll be honest, I wanted to hear accolades...fucking drugs, man...nobody ate shit but nibbles to be polite.

[Anonymous No.9876767]

I stopped eating their food when my mom thought to make an omelette you have to cook the egg first then add the vegetables

[Anonymous No.9876785]

>>9872752
who hurt you

[Anonymous No.9876803]

>>9868950

to be fair puttanesca is fucking gross and like the italian equivalent of ketchup on mac & cheese

[Anonymous No.9876813]

>>9869194

I've made gumbo 3 times before but being from canada I have literally no idea if it turned out right. all I know is that the second time I made it it turned out so delicious it was the first time I actually liked shrimp and I downed it within 24 hours.

[Anonymous No.9876821]

>>9872281

why would you butcher the bird before cooking it at thanksgiving dinner? yeah it was probably great but it's a fucking tradition thing, it has nothing to do with flavour. it's about breaking out the beautiful roasted bird.

[Anonymous No.9876827]

>>9876640

>doing cocaine

frankly you deserved it

[Anonymous No.9876852]

>>9872731

I think it has some crazy thing to do with feeling like they aren't needed anymore. It's like one your child is capable of handling things on their own - or even worse - becomes better at something than you, you no longer have purpose in their life therefore you have to put them down so they still come running to mommy whenever they need something. At least that's the impression I get from my mom. She constantly points out everything I'm "doing wrong" and has to show me the "proper or better way" to do it.

Like how I always stir things too much or too little or aren't using the right spices or freaks out if I don't follow her recipes. She'll try anything I make but it always ends with, "This is good but it would be better if you blah blah blah".

The last time she tried to backseat cook with me, I reminded her that she was a guest in my house and to get out of my kitchen.

[Anonymous No.9876870]

>>9872585

Hahaha

[Anonymous No.9876878]

Just crack eggs in a hot pan and stir it for a minute or two though fucks sake

[Anonymous No.9877257]

>>9876827
I kinda agree, but still...

[Anonymous No.9877709]

>>9876878
But it doesnt taste as good that way. Besides, when I do cook them like that, she gets mad because they arent completely dry and rubbery.

[Anonymous No.9877728]

>>9868950
Split the same sauce into two pots.

[Anonymous No.9877740]

>>9867020
I do this, but I can't stop myself from narrating it in his voice as I cook. I can't cook infront of other people because of it.

[Anonymous No.9877752]

>>9871549
>he also mixes eggs in with his soup
honestly it's my favourite food, adding eggs in after the soup has cooled a bit so that the eggs don't cook completely makes the soup thicker and better

[Anonymous No.9879311]

>be 8
>make a pb&j sandwich
>rip it into pieces and roll them into little spongy balls with my hands
>elegantly drizzle Hershey's chocolate syrup onto them just like the chefs I saw on the food network did with other deserts (pic related)
>present it to my mom
>she laughs and tells me she's not hungry
bitch

[Anonymous No.9879321]

>>9866926
>five star chef

[Anonymous No.9879527]

>>9874744
He actually sounds like a lot of fun

[Anonymous No.9879665]

>>9872538
Wow

[Anonymous No.9879685]

>>9879311
That's cute, but I wouldn't eat it either, anon.

[Anonymous No.9879727]

>be 15
>Make chocolate cupcakes from scratch for the first time
>Slightly healthier cupcakes without oil and a few other changes
>Aside from being a bit bland, they turn out pretty good
>Be proud of myself
>Convince my sister to try one after practically begging her to
>Tries hardly 1/8th of a cupcake
>Has it in her mouth not even a second before spitting it out
>Tells me it's horrible and walks away

Feels bad man

[Anonymous No.9879739]

>>9876696
At last I truly see

[Anonymous No.9879744]

>>9873833
This.

[Anonymous No.9879751]

>>9866902
>>9868125
>>9872387
>>9872494
>>9872585
>be me
>read these posts
>not actually about me

wtf?

[Anonymous No.9879850]

>>9876878
Wrong.

[Anonymous No.9879862]

>>9872581
>pork belly has fat
What is bacon?

[Anonymous No.9879872]

>it has green things in it
If you're 25 years old and you won't try anything with "green things" (anything green that isn't dried parsely flakes on garlic bread or chives in mashed potatoes) in it, it should be legal to beat you with a yard stick.

[Anonymous No.9879894]

>>9872731
>>>9867016
>How could a mother act like this? Shouldn't you be proud of your child succeeding in something? What a fucking cunt.
The mother was a picky eater set in her habits, simply put. It was only after the sibling pointed out the deliciousness that she got embarrassed with little backup to her assertions of negativity. How could a mother act like that? Easy, and it has nothing to do with anon, and everything to do with mental health. Never underestimate the power of insane people to act out. The thing to do with these kinds of people is nail down the real reason for the comment or behavior as being ridiculous and centered in a picky person's opinion. "Oh mom, you and your insane food rules again." After the 3rd or 4th time you psychoanalyze their behavior itself, and not the food itself, then you stop the comments about your food and then the real truth appears "I simply don't like chinese food because I've seen dripping chickens in the market" or "Indian people don't wash their hands well" or "I have never liked seafood" or whatever their issues are.
That said, as a child cooking for a parent, don't be in a big damn hurry to show off. Your aim and goal is that they can indulge your curiosities, and you should express it like that. Mom I've always wanted to make korean bbq, which is kind of a cross between stir fry and american bbq, but with some pickled heart healthy veggies, and chilies, so would you want to come over and rate my results? Don't act all haughty and better for making foreign food they never made for you, or whatever you think you make better, either season better, technique it better, or uses more expensive ingredients than your parents bothered to spend (while they were busy planning for retirement and supporting your ass). In other words, have some perspective from their side.

[Anonymous No.9879895]

>>9876821
I thought it was about being thankful the indians are mostly dead.

[Anonymous No.9879899]

>>9867020
You arethe cabeza of your cerveza.
Hot ru, cold milk, no lumps.
Freakylish small spoon

[Anonymous No.9879901]

>>9874906
>fucking yanks
>not fucking yankee carpetbagger scum.
Foreigner or fucking yankee carpetbagger scum detected

[Anonymous No.9879933]

>>9873857
>Italian
>Fish sauce

[Anonymous No.9879947]

>>9869313
Have you shared this story before? I feel like I’ve read it here once already.

[Anonymous No.9879973]

>>9872585
I would not want food offered by a random person unless im at the store.

[Anonymous No.9879984]

>>9876640
Dude, im sure your story is interesting, but what the fuck is that picture?

[Anonymous No.9879993]

>>9876785
No one hurt him, he just remembers high school.

Not like feminists

[Anonymous No.9879998]

>>9879862
Im often hard pressed to find any bacon that is more than 40 percent meat

[Anonymous No.9880023]

>>9872284
God you like a faggot

[Anonymous No.9880151]

>>9872473
lol 4chan rules of conduct kys ur self

[Anonymous No.9880181]

>be me
>eat a variety of food made from fresh ingredients while living at my parent's
>parents never complain about trying something new
I don't know if it's an American thing but we don't have any problem at all eating a variety of foods.

[Anonymous No.9880193]

>>9876803
>puttanesca
inb4 hooker sauce

[Anonymous No.9880198]

>>9879899
>ru

[Anonymous No.9880234]

>Be Mexican
>Family wants me to cook breakfast
>Omelette, be fast and easy for today
>ask of they want the American or French way.
>French because they are curious.
>They tell me it's raw
>"Its not raw, that's just the egg being not overcooked".
They tell me they like it overcooked.
>well Shit, this is the last time I cook if you don't like my cooking.

At least now they can somehow see how good Medium steak is, after I showed them evidence of it being safe to eat according to the government and shit

[Anonymous No.9880245]

>>9867020
A L P H A M A L E

[Anonymous No.9880276]

>>9868125
I wouldnt eat food prepared by 56% shitskins either amerimutt

[Anonymous No.9880315]

>>9869651
This is the worst feeling.

[Anonymous No.9880319]

>>9879751
>reditor tries to be funny

Leave please

[Anonymous No.9880325]

>be me
>culiomancer
>out at lower strata nebulai
>grinding for spices
>just learned how to make whipped cream pie
>get into a tussle with some hooligans
>THREE (3) dire dragons
>whip up a pie
>offer it to them
>they look at it
>look at me
>"naw were good"
>MISS
>tiz tells me to quit being retarded and throw it
>but my turn came and went
>get mauled to death for 7144 damage
Why the fuck do i have to force a nigga to eat cmon son

[Anonymous No.9880326]

>>9880234
>Mexican
>Believing the government

[Anonymous No.9880337]

>>9874757
Simon Belmont. Prove me wrong. Protip? You cant

[Anonymous No.9880340]

>>9866956
>>9867016
>>9867029
>>9872731
>>9876852
>>9879894
I fucking hate women so much

[Anonymous No.9880498]

>>9879727
>>Slightly healthier cupcakes
kys

[Anonymous No.9880512]

>>9872731
Some women are fucking nuts boi. I dont got a mom but my grandma raised me. She taught me to cook and when I got better than her, she stopped cooking and made me take over. Ive cooked pretty much every meal in the house from the time I was in middle school.

[Anonymous No.9880518]

>>9873857
I hate fish myself but Ill still use fish/oyster sauce in my cooking too. It really isn't the same thing as taking a bite of fish meat.

[Anonymous No.9880522]

>>9866902
I cook for myself. Fuck everyone else. If they don't like it they are welcome to cook their own food.

[Anonymous No.9880526]

>>9868894
Who cares, her money. Money can't buy common sense or taste but it pays the bills.

[Anonymous No.9880528]

>>9879895

If you want to get technical it was to give thanks to the native tribe that taught them how to survive the winter. They were friends for something like 50 years

[Anonymous No.9880533]

>>9879872

Frankly as someone who hates chunky veggie shit in my food, "green things" are by far the least intrusive shit that ever fets added. Red thing are usually far worse.

[Anonymous No.9880537]

>>9872284
I just love the texture of mushy slime in my mouth. Yum!

[Anonymous No.9880546]

>>9876821
I gotta agree. Why do that? Spatchcocking probably woulda been fine but if you actually did de-bone the whole thing and only cook the meat wtf? Then again, I cant imagine a turkey without stuffing inside it so.

[Anonymous No.9880577]

>>9868811
hahaha nice one

[Anonymous No.9880589]

I basically hate my family and don't visit for holidays or anything but holy shit some of these stories are bad, people say they would commit murder as hyperbole but I honestly think someone would get stabbed with a kitchen knife if I was being treated like this

[Anonymous No.9880865]

>>9868894
>requests no red
>gets red
>requests another one that has no red

the nerve

[Anonymous No.9880889]

>>9880537
>tfw personally prefer rubbery fried eggs
>always break yolks because like them fully cooked

[Anonymous No.9880910]

>>9867020
THANKS CHEF JOHN

[Anonymous No.9880990]

>>9872473
>>9872499
t. Comes from ylilauta. It means greetings in Finnish, or like Sincerely in english. It's absolutely appropriate to sign yourself with it, the ironic use of it to spoof someone came from /v/ and /int/ if I remember.

[Anonymous No.9881017]

>>9872532
Haha woah!

[Anonymous No.9881020]

>>9872458
>>9872473
>>9872458
>>9872494
>>9872499
>>9873833
>>9879751
>be me
>read this post
>turn 360 degrees and walk away
>my face when

[Anonymous No.9881031]

>>9867016
Maybe you actually sucked at cooking and she was embarrassed you couldn't seem to figure it out on your own.

[Anonymous No.9881039]

>>9866902
ofcourse they taste the same, its still eggs, but the texture is different

[Anonymous No.9881089]

>>9866902
>Letting your mother fuck with your cooking
Have some self respect you soyboy

[Anonymous No.9881820]

>>9880326
You'd be surprised, basically, if a book says so, it must be true, that's why so many Mexicans believe Comunism is not that bad, history books written by left winged motivated pro worker writers from the past.

[Anonymous No.9881866]

>all these triggered feminists ITT
Jeez. Doesn't take much, does it?

[Anonymous No.9881903]

>>9873833
not this

[Anonymous No.9882022]

>>9881820
One could say the same about you and your belief in the capitalistic system.

[Anonymous No.9882078]

>>9881820
>i'm a worker but god forbid I'd support any ideas that might benefit me

Good goy. Here's your butterball corporate farmed turkey for a xmas bonus!

[Anonymous No.9882086]

>>9867020
I didn't know he had such pretty eyes. (I'm a girl). Love Chef John.

[Anonymous No.9882096]

>>9882022
>communism (command economies) fell under their own weight
>capitalist (market economies) didn't, and probably never will
>'One could say the same about you and your belief in the capitalistic system.'

[Anonymous No.9882339]

>>9882096
What you have now is a relatively regulated market with a lot of subsidies to make sure certain branches do better than they should. Not to speak of how certain banks weren't even allowed to go bankrupt because of their own mistakes a couple of years ago.

And even then, how are your school and health care costs? What about the ISPs? Private industries sure know how to make compete and make the prices the lowest possible for the most efficient result.

[Anonymous No.9882353]

>>9882096
>capitalist (market economies) didn't, and probably never will
Nigga what rock are you living under? And is there room for one more?

[Anonymous No.9882382]

>>9879899
I miss the freakishly small wooden spoon

[Anonymous No.9882393]

>>9882078
>Being this astoundingly uneducated about economic systems

[Anonymous No.9882398]

>>9882339
Ah yes, for the rest of the civilized world makes no use of capitalism to sustain their economies.
You fucking dolt.

[Anonymous No.9882416]

>>9882353
Yes, because market economies crashed so hard they literally stopped existing. I really appreciate how our dear glorious chairman saved us from the hellhole that is capitalism!

[Anonymous No.9882447]

>>9882398
Pretty much the entire world use a modification that is neither capitalism nor communism.

Let the market control the fields that aren't very critical and have the government step in where you value a certain standard or availability. The government can fuck up but they won't go bankrupt easily and they are able to make services available at a loss.

The American capitalism cult we see today seems to be because of the anti-russian propaganda during the cold war, but it might be older than that.

God bless the lobbyists and monopolies.

[Anonymous No.9882452]

>>9882339
Government intervention =/= Communism, you absolute retard. Never reproduce, you piece of human filth. You absolute, supreme waste of space. Surely, Abraham did not make his covenant so something as worthless as you could curse his beautiful earth. Surely the almighty Allah cursed you more than even the lowly snakes, worms, and maggots. Even the eternally damned Lucifer looks upon you with disgust. Every man of worth throughout all ages, both past and future, would surely have slaughtered you where you stand, had they merely a glimpse of your repulsive self. Any civilization of note would have certainly committed unspeakable atrocities just so future generations would not have to suffer the absolute idiocy that is your bloodline. You, you pinnacle of human failure. The cesspool of human genetics. Even should you come to realize just how large a disgust you are, even should you kill yourself to regain whatever spattering of honor your entire bloodline had accumulated, your family's only accomplishment of any note or worth would be ending itself. You supreme epitome of human refuse. Never in your life respond to ANY of my posts again, you pinnacle of failure.

[Anonymous No.9882462]

>>9882339
No one even pretends the US isn't a corporate fascist state nowadays and has no resemblance to capitalism whatsoever anymore. It's literally a totalitarian state with the stranglehold gripped by the corporation. A perfect example is the medico/pharma industry. They want no regulation and no free market. Ask how much a medical procedure costs and they say "we don't know but you need it." It's equivalent to going to a car repair shop and having them say the same thing. Ironically, it's accepted because, muh socialism. It's why we have the 37th ranked medical system, 2 positions higher than Cuba at 39, lol.

[Anonymous No.9882507]

>>9866902
>tfw too autistic to read greentexts that start with "be me"
>like who the fuck else

[Anonymous No.9882508]

>>9882452
>Government intervention =/= Communism
Now where did I say it was? There's more to the world than Capitalism and Communism.

It's clearly not true, though, to the "supply and demand", "invisible hand of the market" philosophy to suddenly give out a lot of money as soon as certain companies start failing. Neither is subsidies to, for example, the corn market making the corn cheaper and other crops more expensive.

Buying politicians and regulations like they are commodities seem like something comparatively closer to the Capitalistic ideal at first glance, but I doubt even you approve of that.

[Anonymous No.9882528]

>>9872344
what was in the soup?

[Anonymous No.9882926]

>>9866902
>Make baked cauliflower for my white family
>put salt, pepper, garlic,
>and paprika
>they complain it's too spicy, so spicy it's inedible

>make miso soup for my father
>he picks out all of the tofu
>says he doesn't want to grow boobs

>make Vietnamese coffee for my sister with egg cream
She refuses to drink it
>says she'll get salmonella from raw eggs

>offer father some boba milk tea I bought
>says milk in tea is for pussies

>making mackeral in a cast iron pan one morning
>ask father if he wants some
>he tells me its a bait fish for poor people
>goes to drive through McDonalds an hour later

>sister asks me to make her some hot chocolate because she's sick
>look at the back of the box, says 6 oz of water per pack
>make it, bring it to her
>she takes a sip
>tells me I made it too strong
>makes me add more water to it

>>9882096
Even on /ck/ I can't escape capitalists and their bullshit

[Anonymous No.9883163]

>>9882393
>you just dont understand le economics

[Anonymous No.9883180]

>>9876640
>early 1pm dinner
What the hell

[Anonymous No.9883568]

>>9882452
>this will make people listen to me

[Anonymous No.9883572]

>>9882507
>be this anon
>think greentexts are only first person

[Anonymous No.9883583]

>>9866902
why are you eating runny, slimy bong eggs you faggot

[Anonymous No.9884321]

>>9882926
>dad is redpilled as fuck and does not want to be a soyboy the post
Smart man!

[Anonymous No.9884364]

>>9882926
>Having a veeb for a son
Your father is right to hate you

[Anonymous No.9884390]

>>9868894
Why order the fillet though?

[Anonymous No.9885385]

>>9872594
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous No.9885398]

>>9880276
Im a fucking white eurofag.

[Anonymous No.9885543]

>>9883583
Because it's good, fag.

[Anonymous No.9885621]

>>9882926
Well that last one isn’t too bad, but your dad sounds like a closet homosexual

[Anonymous No.9885717]

>Parents send my Dad's sister some fairly expensive cupcakes as a Christmas gift
>Dad talks to her a few days ago, instead of saying thanks for the gift or anything like that she tells him she can't eat them because they contain alcohol and it would give her seizures from her condition or some shit
>Says she just gave them to her daughter

Could have just said thanks for the gift, it's easy to see why my dad doesn't interact with his sister much, she's a nutty hypochondriac.

[Anonymous No.9885951]

>>9868125
Jesus, thats annoying. Was your friend ugly and smelly or something? Also it's pretty dumb since the heat would kill any bacteria.

[Anonymous No.9886049]

>>9866902
When I was rooming with some college buddies I ended up trying to teach this Stoner who showed up there all the time how to cook a few simple dishes because I was tired of him always getting on my nerves when I’m cooking
He asked me to make that one dish with the scrambled eggs on toast, like in OPs pic, so I taught him

Not only did he not pay attention, but he also meant a completely different dish and neglected to tell me until the end
He wanted toad in the hole and when I painstakingly made that for him, he microwaved it with a slice of Colby, completely ruining the texture

And he also never made that dish again

[Anonymous No.9886071]

>>9876640
And no one had any pot?

Someone should have brought weed to bring everyone's appetites back.

[Anonymous No.9886104]

People saw my food at the potluck and nobody wanted to try it. :/ Too bad, I guess since I used good bacon.

[Anonymous No.9886117]

>>9872532
Living the dream. For some reason, shitty parents think that they should be taken care of in their old age when they didn't bother taking care of their kids.

[Anonymous No.9886166]

>>988053
>disliking foods based on texture

Bet you're a murrican and that you've never eaten a whole raw tomato

[Anonymous No.9886176]

>>9866926
>dice onion
>"OMGEE ANON WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO USE A KNIFE LIKE THAT?"
>mfw
I just play it cool and say practice, but i always note who brings it up. Sometimes it's just flirting, sometimew they're dumb.

[Anonymous No.9886266]

>6 years old
>want milk
>ask brother to get it for me
>takes a long time
>he comes out with a bottle of brown milk
>dont even taste it
>find out later he was painstakingly cracking m&m's and making chocolate milk for me
>realize how disappointed he was when i said to his face i didnt want it

[Anonymous No.9887068]

>>9872731
Narcissism isn't always about looks.

[Anonymous No.9887450]

>>9886266
Go hug him you faggot

And get him some chocolate milk and M&Ms

[Anonymous No.9887491]

>>9886266
>can you get me x?
>"sure kiddo"
>brings you y
>"here you go!"
like what the fuck did he expect to happen
should have just asked you if you wanted regular milk or chocolate milk

this reminds me of this news story about a Japanese grandpa that built some massive Zeta Gundam statue for his grandson and he didn't like it
the kid was 8 and Zeta literally came out some 25-30 years before he was born
if the grandpa had just asked "hey kiddo what's your favorite Gundam" then they could have both been happy

[Anonymous No.9887550]

>>9880990
No it means regards.

t.someone who didn't start posting here this summer

[Anonymous No.9887562]

>>9886266
it's all well and good that he wanted to do something nice for you but you literally asked for milk, not chocolate milk
it's not your fault

[Anonymous No.9887573]

>>9866902
>Thanksgiving dinner at parent's house
>ask what I can bring
>mom says a side dish but nothing veg because sister in law won't eat them
>fine I'll make twice baked potatoes with bacon and cheese for her fat ass
>the day arrives
>she doesn't eat it because I put parsley in it
Since then I have seen her remove the single slice of lettuce from a McChicken, the best fast food sandwich

[Anonymous No.9887580]

>>9867020
Chef John is a God amongst men. His instructions are always so clear and he always explains WHY he does things, which makes it easy to know if you can skip the step or adjust it.

I have a man-crush on chef john, I admit it.

[Anonymous No.9887589]

>>9867016
My mother is the exact opposite of that. Whenever I fly back home for christmass she always defers to me for most dishes.

>anon, please seaon the meat, I usually underseason it
>anon, please check the soup for salt
>anon, how do I make sure my pastry doesn't get burned in the oven? can I put parchment paper over it?

It sometimes becomes even silly, because she comes to me with even the most trivial questions. But that's fun too. And I always ccok at least several dishes for christmass. My speicality is ground and seasoned carp in gelatine made from fish stew made from carp carkas. It's so fucking good with creamy horseradish or vinegar.

Kinda like pic related, but the meat is filetted out of the carp and then ground.

[Anonymous No.9887611]

>>9887573
For me it's the twice baked potatoes

[Anonymous No.9887629]

>>9887573
People like this make my blood boil.

My sister is like that sometimes. For example I was making Chef Johns recipe for oven made chicken with lemon, rosemary and some other herbs, and of course she had a problem with me putting herbs inside of the chicken. She was adamant that she won't eat it.

Except she forgot about it when it was done and she ate it just fine...

[Anonymous No.9887646]

I love reading these stories, but holy shit guys. My parents tried fucking with my food once, I told them to quit it, or I was going to leave and take my food with me. They did it away, and I left and took my food. Step dad got pissed. I told them if they want me there, act like it. I'm literally only there for them, and would rather be sharing my food with my friends who respect my food. They have yet to fuck with my food. Grow some back bones. You can still stand up for yourself, without being a dick.

[Anonymous No.9888155]

>>9887580
Chef John has a voice that I honestly can't stand listening to so I never got through a single recipe. I'd rather watch Pepin do his thing

[Anonymous No.9888172]

>>9888155
I'm pretty sure he's actually a computer voice

[Anonymous No.9888332]

>>9887550
terveisin means regards, terkkuja means greetings

[Anonymous No.9888343]

>>9882086
>(I'm a girl)
Thanks for the info faggot

[Anonymous No.9888370]

>>9874906
>gumbo
>yanks

????

[Anonymous No.9888377]

>>9886104
>saw my food
what did it look like

[Anonymous No.9888384]

>>9887573
that picture is triggering me

[Anonymous No.9888388]

>>9880340
I absolutely cannot fucking stand women. Luckily for me I also don't particularly enjoy sex very much so I don't have any physical need to give them the time of day either.
Women are unstable, moody, attention whoring, and outright obnoxious self centered idiots.

[Anonymous No.9888400]

>>9887646
This. Rather then be passive aggressive and resenting make it clear the behavior is unacceptable and follow through. If you take command without being a complete Dick it won't happen

[Anonymous No.9888412]

>>9876852
I am so glad my mother isn't like this. She also is an incredible cook so (and thankfully I am starting to take after her in this aspect) so if I ever find a better way to do a certain dish she loves to hear about it and sometimes even do it different herself.

[Anonymous No.9888436]

>>9868864
Really? I have lived with friends, fratboys, and random people throughout college and never had a horrible experience. The worst was one of my roommates would occasionally get into petty arguments with his girlfriend who had a shrill voice, but it was not terrible.

The worst people I have lived with is family.

[Anonymous No.9888464]

>>9888155
I used to find his voice unbearable too, but it's somehow grown on me and now I find it quite reassuring in an odd sort of way.

[Anonymous No.9888903]

>>9872581
My wife makes these all the time. Nice and refreshing in hot weather. She uses slot of mint too, which I like.

[Anonymous No.9889055]

>>9888388
Found the gay one.

[Anonymous No.9889131]

>visiting aunt's house when i was a kid
>aunt is like 300+ lbs and her family eats pretty much only eats highly processed foods.
>my mom wanted to be nice, so she makes french toast, sausage, scrambled eggs, and hash brown for breakfast one morning (also bought some maple syrup)
>tells my cousins the food is ready
>they give the plate a wtf is this look
>tell my mom they "dont like it like this" and proceed to get krusteaz french toast sticks and hash brown patties out of their freezer, nuke it, and cover their plate with ms buttersworth and hunts ketchup
>my aunt tells my mom, "they dont like that kind of stuff, theyre picky eaters" even though she went with my mom to buy the stuff at the store
>aunt didnt eat any because she said she wasnt hungry, but i saw her trying to sneak into her room with a plate the same frozen shit her kids ate

[Anonymous No.9890180]

>>9889055
I'm unfortunately not. I find the male physique absolutely repulsive, even traps disgust me. I completely understand why gay people choose to be that way though.

[Anonymous No.9890204]

>>9882086
shut the fuck up stacy

[Anonymous No.9890239]

>>9889131
>french toast, sausage, scrambled eggs, and hash brown
I'm calling bullshit... even the most diehard McDonald's fatty cake picky eater kids will still eat a full lumberjack breakfast strictly due to the delicious grease.

[Anonymous No.9890439]

>>9890239
Mate, you'd be pretty fucking surprised at how retardedly picky some people can be, my dad literally won't eat any other kind of pasta apart from spaghetti with bolognese sauce, I once made bolognese with some fettucine and he didn't touch the pasta at all, he only ate the sauce, he's one of those fatcunts who will wolf down almost anything that's in front of him but he's really retarded and picky about some shit

[Anonymous No.9890634]

>>9890180
>not simply choosing to find the male physique attractive

[Anonymous No.9890706]

>>9888388
>not humping and dumping
>not getting a fuck buddy so you can ignore all the drama

Look, I agree, working with women, or even trying to cooperate with them in a professional environment is awful 90% of the time, but they aren't all the bad.

[Anonymous No.9890770]

>>9866902
I had my dad tell me I'd get salmonella if I cooked my steak medium rare because its raw inside.

Why do I live with utter retards?

[Anonymous No.9890861]

>>9882086
he's probably one of the few people with brown eyes that looks good instead of soulless

[Anonymous No.9890889]

>>9890706
He said he doesn't particularly enjoy sex, so why should he get a fuck buddy or hump and dump?

[Anonymous No.9890972]

>>9887589
Some older people tend to lose their sense of taste as they get older which is why they oversalt things.

[Anonymous No.9892138]

>>9879901
>yanks
>yankee
>YANKS
>FUCKIN YANKS
Carpet baggin Yanks
Yeenkee
>Fugin yanks
>Yanks
The fucking nerve of some Yanks
Yanking it all up and about
I mean...
>Quit YANKIN my CHAIN
TWO SCOOPS
FUCKIN YANKEEEEEEEE

[Anonymous No.9893344]

Never. These faggots eat out of my hands whenever I'm around. I could throw on my apron and shit in my hands and they would ask for seconds

[Anonymous No.9893434]

>>9872624

Probably the non-coastal part of US and A. Most of those people have never eaten seafood in their lives.

[Anonymous No.9893468]

>>9893434
How often do you make things up and pretend they are facts?

[Anonymous No.9893482]

>>9879894
Indians actually don't wash their hands very well though.

[Anonymous No.9893873]

>>9866926

Fuck I love Chef John.

[Anonymous No.9893893]

>>9890861
those look more hazel imo

[Anonymous No.9893909]

>>9893873
The cadence and upward inflection in his voice drive me fucking insane.
You don't need...?
To pause for 2 seconds...?
Between every ingredient...?
That you're listing off...?
Or end every thought...?
Like its a question...?

[Anonymous No.9893912]

>>9866902
Last night I made eggs using this method thanks to you. Absolutely amazing! I'll never make them my old way again

[Anonymous No.9893933]

>>9866902
>pouring eggs onto toast
this is why ramsay eggs are shit, it looks like porridge. just stir them a little less to let larger curds form and don't overcook them

[Anonymous No.9894054]

>>9883163
The sad part is that you believe this picture unironically. lol

[Anonymous No.9894134]

>>9868864
had a roommate who would clip his nails LITERALLY everywhere but the bathroom.he'd do it in the living room, kitchen etc, maybe im just autistic but ruined my appetite every time

[Anonymous No.9894191]

>>9890634
I've tried but even of I did I still hate the concept of anal sex, I think it's disgusting. Plus dicks are gross
>>9890706
I did have a fuck buddy for a while but like all women got dramatic and weird after a while, I also get way over the top anxiety about accidental pregnancy.

[Anonymous No.9894232]

>>9893909
>#triggered

[Anonymous No.9894315]

>>9876722

[Anonymous No.9894353]

>>9894134
>maybe im just autistic
No, the thought of nail clippings flying around and possibly getting on food is pretty gross.

[Anonymous No.9894368]

>>9866956
Anon, you really should reproduce and pass down your skills to your children for the betterment of your future.

[Anonymous No.9895042]

>>9882926
neck yourself, subhuman scum

[Anonymous No.9895189]

>just before Christmas (Australia, so summer), brother's kid has her birthday
>her best friend's dad happens to live just down the road, nice
>the day before Christmas the aforementioned dad brings over a big fruit platter of plums, pears, watermelon, grapes all the good shit
>apparently my brother's wife answered the door, took the platter without even saying thank you and didn't invite him in
>they weren't doing anything that day either
>go over there today
>the full platter is on the bench STILL, untouched
he seems like a good guy to crack open a bear with, rip

[Anonymous No.9895190]

>>9895189
No ones a good guy if they crack a beer with you. Enjoy your poison

[Anonymous No.9895200]

>>9895190
I'd rather live to 50 free than 100 afraid of my own shadow matey

[Anonymous No.9895223]

>>9895200
Im not saying dont im just saying enjoy your toxins and the slight euphoria that youll get if you arent violently ill or too embarrassed with your actions

[Anonymous No.9895233]

>>9895223
Boy those school scare campaigns sure hit you hard

[Anonymous No.9895241]

>>9895233
Whatever loser. Be a winner have water with dinner

[Anonymous No.9895294]

>>9888388

[Anonymous No.9895309]

>>9869651
oh god it has happened when im drunk and season some cheese steak I dont what the hell i put in it but the meat came out so good and I can never replicate it because I was too boozed to actually remember. oh and it wasnt just me my nephew and my sister where going nuts about it.

[Anonymous No.9895337]

>>9876640
coke at a dinner party lmao what the fuck did you expect? im sure the ramblings and people trying to talk over each made for some good memories.

[Anonymous No.9895364]

>>9895241
>Be a winner have water with dinner
LMAO, that sounds like some shit out of a high-schoolers schoolyard-infomarcial called "alcohol and you"

[Anonymous No.9895598]

>>9867020
I'm probably in the minority but I really love the way he speaks. I'm not a native english speaker tho.

[Anonymous No.9895859]

>>9888436
you must be the normiest of awful normies

[Anonymous No.9896000]

>>9872499
It started on /b/ over ten years ago you utter fucking retard

It's a long running joke, a meme, you are seriously delayed, fuck off back to 9gag or whatever shitboard you usually frequent, you are not welcome here.

[Anonymous No.9896378]

No-one has ever eaten food that I've cooked. Either the people I know are fast food addicts, cook their own meals or complain about everything.

[Anonymous No.9896429]

>>9867020
Thanks based jew

[Anonymous No.9896511]

>>9879685
Same. Little kid hands always have a plethora of substances coating them.

[Anonymous No.9896833]

>>9867016
Wow this story.what a toxic lady. Half of me is impressed the other half of me pities you. I’m a pretty attractive female and absolutely will put out for a story like this if told at the bar.

[Anonymous No.9896862]

>>9896378
I'll eat your food, anon

[Anonymous No.9896951]

>>9882528
Well its tripe. Basically its just taco seasonings, beans, corn, potatoes and you guessed it, tripe. Soaking in a tomato broth with all the seasonings it just tastes like the spices, tripe itself doesnt have much of a flavor. She was halfway through a second bowl before I told her it was tripe and had finished it by the time she looked up what tripe was

[Anonymous No.9897000]

>>9888370
>reading comprehension
try again

[Anonymous No.9897187]

>>9872488
I hope you beat his fat ass until he couldn't breath unassisted
it's the only rational thing one could do

[Anonymous No.9897243]

>>9893468
every waking moment they must
it's tradition for those of the western coast to be blights on existence

[Anonymous No.9897294]

>>9869313
sounds like my mother

>"red onions give me a headache but nit white onions"
>"the smell of oil makes me sick"
>"oh this brand hurts my stomach"
>she eats out daily and is 285 lbs

[Anonymous No.9897372]

>>9890204
Awww, does the widdle boy hate women? They scary and smelly and woooo, make him cwy.

[Anonymous No.9897403]

>>9897372
Grils have cooties.

[Anonymous No.9897428]

>>9897403
they also practice bitchcraft, and consider anything that is not their way rape.

[Anonymous No.9897587]

Why do people want to be picky eaters? Is it just fear? Are they cowards? It's not hard to branch out, and it's often very rewarding.

[Anonymous No.9897697]

>>9895364
>eating the bait this fucking hard

[Anonymous No.9897919]

>>9896833
then show tits if his story moved you you dumb bitch

[Anonymous No.9897928]

>>9897587
pretty sure how your raised shapes it
if you grew up on tendies and ketchup youll be an awful human bean when your older

[Anonymous No.9898021]

>>9880340
>Conveniently ignores the comment about some guy's asshole dad

K

[Anonymous No.9898198]

>>9898021
da roastie is toasty

[Anonymous No.9898343]

>>9867020
you are after all the chef john of your cooking at home

[Anonymous No.9898579]

>bought a bunch of groceries for christmas so I can cook and eat in peace
>spend christmas alone
>day after day of christmas
>wake up to the stink of shitty weed
>go downstairs to my kitchen
>mom and sister(both now obviously high, neither of them work) have invited themselves over
>ask them about the smell
>"oh hi anon we thought to eat some scrambled eggs you want some?"
>my entire carton of eggs have been used up to create a burnt, rubbery mess, unscrappable from the pan
>"we thought some of the things in your fridge smelled funny so we threw it out"
>they immediately begin to leave and my sister takes a couple of my beers
>check my fridge
>thrown out a half-gallon of orange juice, my new thing of cheese, and both the salad and lasagna I prepared the night before
>burnt toast left in the toaster
>my cereal box is empty, bowl in the sink, they ate cereal after they burnt my eggs

if I didn't have this thread to vent in I'd start the apocalypse.

[Anonymous No.9898729]

>>9898579
you obviously change your locks or take away their keys jesus christ

[Anonymous No.9899038]

>>9895042
I don't understand

[Anonymous No.9899120]

>>9896833
>I’m a pretty attractive female
Without even seeing you, I can guarantee you're lying.

[Anonymous No.9899124]

>>9893909

He narrates adding them ya ding dong

[Anonymous No.9899179]

>>9898579
I'm with the other guy. Change your locks and don't tell them why until they inevitably complain about it next time.

[Anonymous No.9899196]

>>9866902
For Christmas eve, I made shrimp and pasta in a garlicy parmesian sauce, which everyone complemented me on because it was delicious. Except my older brother who made a microwave thing of Kraft Mac and Cheese and Pizza Rolls.
The next day, I made blackened grouper. The fucker brings over a lean cuisine.

I don't think I've seen him eat anything more advanced than chicken nuggets though, so I shouldn't be too surprised.

[Anonymous No.9899239]

>>9869362
Seriously? Mushrooms are a common meat substitute, because they have a meaty flavor. It tasted like meat because mushrooms taste meaty. Have you never had one, you fucking retard?

[Anonymous No.9899439]

>>9898579
I hope you threw them out of your house, or called the cops, if not, What a pussy

[Anonymous No.9899494]

>>9898579
How can someone be such a spineless little faggot? I refuse to believe this shit is real or people like you would have enough in common with me to even browse the same website.

[Anonymous No.9900467]

>>9899494
You forget that /r9k/ exists, and frequently leaks
all the posts about roasties should make that clear