/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.9807962]

i want to open a restaurant.
it will have more high-chairs than normal chairs
instead of normal chairs, it will have la-z-boy recliners.
instead of normal tables, there will be cedar planks and instead of table legs there will be cardboard tubes.
the restaurant itself will be an urban-modern gray building, but it will not have walls. only garage doors.
the theme of the restaurant will be unclear the entire time.
there will be a band that plays there, but it will be a 127-piece polka band that plays remixes of jazz music
the meals will range in price, anywhere from $4 to $60, but the prices will not be labeled on the menu, you will have to type the very long PLU into an iPad on the roof of the restaurant to find the price before import tariffs and taxes.
no matter what dish it is, it will be served on a plate made out of chocolate chip pita bread.
each table will be served with complimentary trix cereal with milk and a spork
all of the drinks will be served in pic related.
there will be a dress code to enter the restaurant. you can only wear trash bags and neon duct tape with ray-bans
the waitstaff will be dressed up as muppets of the opposite gender.
kwanza music will play as ambience.
you will get free refills without consent throughout the meal, but you will get refilled with a different drink than what you ordered, even if you ask for something different.
selected chairs will be spring-loaded.
if you are interested, i will post a menu.

[Anonymous No.9808114]

wacky

[Anonymous No.9808120]

>>9807962
>interested

[Anonymous No.9808122]

sounds too wacky for me

[Anonymous No.9808129]

The absolute madman

[Anonymous No.9808143]

>>9807962
There is no fucking way that this restaurant won't be based in LA. This kind of shit is something I'd expect to around there

[Acbn !7CUUUUUUUU No.9808819]

Post the menu

[Anonymous No.9809021]

>>9807962
how about a restaurnt thats a big open field full of trees and nice things with plenty of relaxing spots and people come and we sell them picnic baskets and they can spend the afternoon there and you dont need waitreses or tipping or any of that bullshit, just the kitchen staff, a landscaper and a janitor

[Anonymous No.9810011]

steak with plum and corn jelly - $6 dollars, but $8 if you want it well done
gummy worms, made with real cheese - $5
roasted lance cream cheese and chive crackers - $19
seal meat sausages with avocado juice - $4
coffee flavored berry pop tarts with a milk drizzle - $9
sunflower seeds - $55
sardines and mango preserves with kompot - $18
jellied ham in horseradish aspic - $60
creamy chicken with captain crunch casserole (the 5 "C"s) - $23
juicy fritters - $47
make your own insect salad - $8

now i just need a restaurant name

[Anonymous No.9810045]

>>9810011
"I thought I was being clever"

[Anonymous No.9810056]

>>9810011
Are You Not Entertained, Portland?

[Anonymous No.9810375]

K but do you deliver?

[Anonymous No.9810427]

>>9810011
>seal meat sausages with avacado juice - $4
That's a pretty good deal.

[Anonymous No.9810446]

>>9810011
Name it something long and pretentious, like "Without the breath of sorrow, love has no meaning." If you catch someone shortening the name in any way, ban them from the restaurant.

[Anonymous No.9810580]

>>9810375
we will only deliver to undisclosed locations

[Anonymous No.9810595]

>>9808143
Or Portland

[Anonymous No.9810601]

>>9810011
It's gotta be simple yet confusing. Name it "Tast" but it's actually pronounced "taste"

[Anonymous No.9810813]

>>9810601
like düsh?

[Anonymous No.9811962]

>>9810601
Pretty good

[Anonymous No.9811968]

>>9807962
so random xD
*holds up spork*

[Anonymous No.9812051]

>>9810813
An actual restaurant near me.