/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.9795662]

Confess your sins. All will be forgiven.

[Anonymous No.9795686]

>>9795662
fuck you I'm sin-free, I'm christ o' the kitchen

[Anonymous No.9795706]

>>9795662
Somehow I always make the chicken a little bit uncooked in the middle. Im always so afraid to overcook it.

[Anonymous No.9795709]

>>9795662
I fuck my GF in the kitchen while I cook. I fuck her so gud I make her wet herself then I cum on her face. Then 45 minutes later I serve a meal to company in the same room.

[Anonymous No.9795710]

I report frog and bald guy threads.

[Anonymous No.9795713]

>>9795662
I can't eat fruit without being disgusted by the texture and the uber-sweetness of fructose

I do make exceptions for cherries and bananas though because the texture isn't as atrocious.

[Anonymous No.9796372]

>>9795662

I like artificial banana flavors like Runts.

[Anonymous No.9796382]

>>9795709
>implying fucking and cumming all over your dinner guest's food is a son

They'll appreciate the added zinc in their diet.

[Anonymous No.9796387]

>>9795706
get a thermometer

[Anonymous No.9796393]

>>9795662
why are there two of these threads?

[Anonymous No.9796403]

>>9795662
I once watched a fellow cook drop a hot ham-and-cheese sandwich on a rubber kitchen mat, dust it off, and serve it.

[Anonymous No.9796422]

>>9795662
food related: other than that one time i cooked a skinned deer fetus in the skin of a turkey.

i once threw a bit of human bone in a bone stock. i live in a place where it floods and coffins poping up is not uncommon, and well... it was old and dead dry and probably contributed no actual flavor. just being edgy.

[Anonymous No.9796445]

>>9796422
still have the bone, not sure what to do with it.. it is the unfuzed epiphisis of the femur from maybe a 10 year old.

[Anonymous No.9796448]

I ate this.

[Anonymous No.9796452]

>>9796403
Hell I'd probably eat it. I'd definitely jew myself into a free meal tho if I knew a restaurant did that.

[Anonymous No.9796462]

>>9796382
Yes, quite.

[Anonymous No.9796476]

>>9795662
>me, working room service at a fancy boston hotel
>phone rings.
>"room service"
>"Is your clam Chowder good?"
>"Yes Ma'am its exquisite."
>"Are you sure? because I'm from Cape Cod"
>"actually I am to. I can vouch for it. What part of the cape are you from?"
>"just bring me a clam chowder and xxx,xxx, xxx"
>CLICK
>bitch was rude, but whatever
>god i know that voice from somewhere. ugh.
>the other food items she order come up. Took a little while cuz the kitchen was backed up
>expeditor loads my tray with the ticket.
>i bowl the chowder
>run the order.
>get to the top floor
>FUCK I FORGOT A SOUP SPOON
>look around
>dirty tray in the bus room with a soup spoon in a half-eaten crock of french onion soup
>grab some ice from the vending machine
>melt the ice with my hands and scrape the crusted onion off the spoon
>spit shine it on my pants
>knock knock
>room service
>Kathy Bates opens the door
>play it cool
>visiting from Falmouth, Ma'am?
>Oh, I don't live there anymore.
>Enjoy your dinner.

TL;dr Kathy Bates put a spoon in her mouth that i cleaned on my pants, and she tipped me $20 for the privilege.

[Anonymous No.9796483]

>>9795662
i sometimes break spaghettis in the middle before cooking them

[Anonymous No.9796506]

>>9796448
even for kebab that looks like shit

[Anonymous No.9796600]

>>9796422
>human bone in a bone stock. i live in a place where it floods and coffins poping up is not uncommon

Do you feel like the embalming chemicals added much flavor?

[Anonymous No.9796616]

>>9796600
no joke, the kids in washington DC make a drug called "dippers" by dunking joints in embalming fluid and drying them out before they smoke them. Makes you horny then you black out with no memory. chemically addictive after one dose. Basically you're smoking rape.

But enjoy that bone broth!

[Anonymous No.9796659]

>>9796600
eh, the bone was scentless and old enough to be brown, not white. i dinnt die.

[Anonymous No.9796674]

>>9796393
There was a survey that found 74% of cu/ck/olds are literally retarded.

[Anonymous No.9797200]

I cook burger patties in the microwave

[Anonymous No.9797275]

my favorite drink is fireball on the rocks

[Anonymous No.9797440]

>>9796616
They don't dip it in actual embalming fluid retard. That's slang for sherm aka PCP

[Anonymous No.9797525]

my favorite beer

[Anonymous No.9797533]

>>9797525
stop being poor

[Anonymous No.9797642]

>>9795662
I bought refried beans and dry beans in one trip because I can't decide how I want to prepare my poorfag dinners.

[Anonymous No.9797673]

>>9796476
That's pretty good. Any other stories from the room service stint?

[Anonymous No.9797758]

>>9795662
I secretly snack on crackers topped with easy cheese

[Anonymous No.9797882]

>>9796448
is that a fucking chink phone watermark

[Anonymous No.9797975]

>>9795662
I use ketchup instead of spaghetti sauce

[Anonymous No.9798367]

>>9796372
Go fuck yourself.

[Anonymous No.9798369]

I don't allow cheese or pepperoni to go on my pizza, just the sauce. Then again, I only get pizza from a local place where the sauce is 50/10 and the cheese and pepperoni both taint the flavor. Regardless, I am embarrassed by this fact.

[Anonymous No.9798385]

>>9795662
Sometimes I eat steak medium well with ketchup because I like that flavor

[Anonymous No.9798388]

When I was a kid experimenting in the kitchen, I asked my mom if I could use a little of her pie crust. She agreed, so I rolled it out like pizza dough and added parmesan cheese and ketchup, then ate it without cooking it.

[Anonymous No.9798520]

instead of boiling water over a stove, I just microwave it.

[Anonymous No.9798529]

I ate a quarte pounder today with fries. I bought a McChicken and a McDouble and stuck it in the fridge for breakfast tomorrow.

[Anonymous No.9799627]

>>9797200
Hey, fuck you man, that's despicable

[Anonymous No.9799650]

I drink these once in a while

[Anonymous No.9799673]

>>9797440
no no no. WET is a joint dipped in liquified PCP. Dippers are straight embalming fluid. A city like dc has a lot of black-run funeral homes, and its not uncommon for a teenager to get his first job apprenticing at a mortuary. Then they get fired for stealing the formaldehyde.

the kiddos in DC can't afford the real thing, so they smoke this stuff. Wet (pop) goes for 20 or so a stick. dippers are like $5. Trust me - this is the voice of experience talking.

[Anonymous No.9799697]

I'm a /lit/fag who knows little to nothing about food or cooking, and come here only for beer threads and comfy webms.

[Anonymous No.9799712]

>>9797673
two notable ones come to mind.

one, an older lady opened the door wearing only a bathrobe and it was untied. She was prob mid-50's and made zero effort to cover up. she also didn't make any kind of a proposition, so I think she just didn't give a fuck.

Two - drunk ass lady laughing so hard she can barely get her order in. She orders two dinners, so i bring them up. Two 40 year old cougars drunk as skunks wearing negligee. I flirt a little bit, but i have a t least 3 hours of my shift left so i can't stay and don't really try to. about an hour later it was quiet and the manager told me i could go home if i wanted. here's what happened next:
>i call the room with the horny ladies
>"hi this is room service. I just wanted to make sure you enjoyed your meal and wanted to see if there was anything else i could bring for you"
>"yes a bottle of Moet and whipped cream and berries"
>"excellent choice ma'am how would you like the berries? we can bring them fresh or i can dip them in chocolate"
>"how about i just eat them off your chest?"
>"haha you're adorable ma'am. I'll bring an assortment" And how many champagne glasses will you need?"
>"3"
>"be right up!"
and that's the story of how i had my first threesome

[Anonymous No.9799792]

I use HP sauce for every meat, especially sausages, it tastes so good.

[Anonymous No.9799979]

>>9795662
Only peasants have to cook for themselves
>b-but it's cheaper
lmao poor people

[Anonymous No.9800020]

>>9799673
when you're saying kiddos are you referring to like 14 yr olds smoking their first blunts or are we talking legit crackheads

[Anonymous No.9800039]

I regularly eat Rustlers microwave burgers. I tend to add bacon, onion rings and jalapenos to them. Tend to just have them as a lunch thing, if I'm doing burgers for an evening thing then I'll make proper burgers with mince.