/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.9789799]

Its ok, my child. You can confess your /ck/ sins to me.

[Anonymous No.9789810]

I sharpened someone's knife at thanksgiving and the stone was too fine and I ran out of time, so I just threw a massive burr on it to make it seem really sharp and they still don't know what a sharp knife really is

[Anonymous No.9789820]

>>9789810
Eat two McChickens and all is forgiven.

[Anonymous No.9789833]

Forgive me Father, for *braaaaaaaaap* I am sinning. I confess I am taking a huge dump in the confession booth. *pbbbbthhh*

[Anonymous No.9789851]

>>9789833
No sin is too great, my son.

Your penitence is one week without tendies and not browsing /tv/.

[Anonymous No.9789864]

Now I am jacking off in the booth, Father. Please, tell me how much I have sinned, for it will make me cum harder.

[Anonymous No.9789870]

>>9789799
>I made a sandwich on a surface who had raw chicken before
>I droped an egg on cold oil
>I ate nothing but chocolate cookies and Coke for a day
>I ate a dog snack once
>while cooking on the house of a female friend I asked for her to pass me cutlery that was way down so she had to get on all fours and point her butt up, she was wearing some semitransparent hippie sackpants that made it like she was wearing nothing at all, she told me"stop looking at my ass dummy" I didnt stop

Now that I think of it I think she did it on purpose as later she went behind the tv to fix a cable and made the same pose while giggling

I didnt do anything this will haunt my dreams forever, as she was my oneitis at that point

[Anonymous No.9789888]

>>9789870
yeah, she wanted the dick
massive sin that will be hard for our father to forgive

[Anonymous No.9789891]

>>9789864
Masturbation is not a sin, carry on.

>>9789870
You can be absolved of your sins if you ask that female friend over and cook her a nice meal and then eat her asshole out for dessert.

[Anonymous No.9789907]

>>9789799
Forgive me father for I have sinnned. A few days ago I got a new cast iron skillet. Yesterday I was cooking some sausage and onions in it for a jambalaya-type meal but with a more Mexican twist. I decided that since I had two cups of chicken stock I was going to cook the rice in anyway, it would be fine to use it to deglaze the skillet once the sausage was good and seared. I have no idea if that’s even something you can do without ruining the seasoning on the pan, but I did it anyway. It looka fine, but I blatantly disregarded the integrity of my tools. But perhaps the greater sin was the culinary abortion that was the resulting dish; kielbasa, black beans, and onions in a thick tomato sauce mixed into jasmine rice cooked in chicken stock with assloads of Mexican spices. I made a huge pot of it and the leftovers will likely last well into the week.

>>9789870
That last one is your greatest sin by far.

[Anonymous No.9789921]

>>9789907
Your sins will be forgiven if you mend the skillet and take care of it in the future. Watch two video highlight clips of Gordon Ramsey yelling at people and all will be forgiven.

[Anonymous No.9789924]

>>9789870
It's not your fault, you couldn't have known since it was probably the first time it happened to you. Next time be prepared.

[Anonymous No.9789933]

>>9789924
>Next time

[Anonymous No.9789938]

I haven't eaten anything but raisin bran for the past six days.
Every time I think I need to take a shit, nothing comes out.

[Anonymous No.9789952]

>>9789938
Ah my poor child.

Head to your nearest preferred fast food institution and order double your usual order.

This should do the trick for your sin.

[Anonymous No.9789956]

>>9789952
What if his usual order is nothing?

[Anonymous No.9789957]

An Italian told me not to eat gorgonzola with fruit but instead with bread or crackers. I don't understand why they say it's disgusting when it's obviously much better with fruit than with bread or any other bland starch

[Anonymous No.9789959]

Give it straight to me, doc. Do the daily doses really cure my cancer?

[Anonymous No.9789964]

>>9789959
It didn't for my dad.

[Anonymous No.9789980]

I can feel myself getting fatter

I ate an entire bag of Cheetos yesterday

[Anonymous No.9789984]

>>9789959
I've gotten my daily dose for the past 10 years and I've never gotten cancer. So something has to be working.

[Anonymous No.9790007]

I need to get this out into the open.

A few days ago, I woke up late and I was all like: "Oh fuck I don't have time for breakfast". Being the brainy specimen that I am, I started to shove some ramen into one of those glass Snapple bottles and then poured some boiling water into it and then gave it a quick shake before throwing it into my car and driving to work. As I expected the ramen had cooked by the time I had got to work, but it seems that harder than you think to nonchalantly drink a fucking bottle of ramen. My boss came over and laughed at me that morning and I've been the laughing stock of the office since then.

Last night, when I went to sleep I had a dream about a milkman who dropped off a bottle of ramen every morning to people's houses. I wake up not knowing if that was the stupidest fucking thought ever thought up by man or a solution to the epidemic of people not eating breakfast.

Father, please show me the way. Amen.

[Anonymous No.9790234]

>>9790007
pick up the gun, Anon.

[Anonymous No.9790247]

>>9789959
the fuck is a daily dose

[Anonymous No.9790280]

>>9789956
I think that probably makes 3 sins in total. The first sin, 1 for being a /ck/ without a usual fast food order, and another 1 for hiding such a sin.

[Anonymous No.9790288]

I ja/ck/post every day.

[Anonymous No.9790334]

>>9790288
what the fuck is that webm

[Anonymous No.9790359]

>>9790334
party cheese salad/the tip of the iceberg

[Anonymous No.9790643]

>>9790247
an animated gif of the character Piccolo from Dragonball Z violently raping the character Vegeta
t. /v/ermin

[Anonymous No.9790663]

>>9790643
is vegeta trying to fight back and screaming and crying like a little bitch

[Anonymous No.9790688]

>>9790007
How do you shove ramen in a bottle???

[Anonymous No.9790689]

>>9790334
You don't want to know

[Anonymous No.9790690]

I kinda like ketchup sometimes and I'm a tryhard with mustard

[Anonymous No.9790695]

>>9790247
>>9790334
Being a newfag is sinful.

[Anonymous No.9790704]

>>9789799
I like to use ketchup instead of butter on bread. Sometimes I put it on the same slice of bread I put mayo or mustard on.

[Anonymous No.9791945]

I dont clean cast irons
Copper pans or whatever are memes
I wash knives in a dish washer
I use paper plates
I masturbate to porn a lot
I love frozen pizzas

[Anonymous No.9791953]

When I was sixteen, I fucked up the three part process of making spaghetti. Instead of dumping the noodles into a strainer, I simply took the pot off of heat and poured the sauce into the boiling water...

[Anonymous No.9791985]

>>9789799
I used a spoon to scratch inside my but crack and then I used the same unwashed spoon to eat cereal, I was opposite ends tho

[Anonymous No.9791997]

>>9791953

[Anonymous No.9792002]

>>9789799
I actually like to cook, but most of the time I'm tired or just lazy.

[Anonymous No.9792051]

>>9789799
I'm lazy, so I chop my veggies on plates instead of a cutting board and use way to tiny knives to do it. I don't even want forgiveness, the guilt weighs heavy on my shoulders and I deserve it

[Anonymous No.9792056]

I don't actually cook anything and just eat fast food/ deli at the grocery store. I hate my kitchen because I live with three other people and it's always filthy, I love cooking, just hate my kitchen, so I live vicariously through you fucks.

[Anonymous No.9792061]

>>9789799
I fucked up chicken hearts.
I saw them on sale and I thought I could make them. By god I was wrong. I ate all of it too because my mom was laughing at me. If I die of some chicken related disease, I deserve it.

[Anonymous No.9792071]

I eat my boogers

[Anonymous No.9792235]

I used to put sour cream in my stir fry and rice/beans.

[Anonymous No.9792245]

>>9789799
I put honey on everything. Chips, bread, fish, pizza, rice, fries... shit is so good

[Anonymous No.9792261]

>>9792071
I also do this. My nose is extremely clean and I never get sick, although probably not causal.

[Anonymous No.9792304]

I wanted to work in a slaughterhouse because I like seeing chickens/chicks/ducks in distress and/or dying violently. I'm not even trying to be edgy. It's literally only birds that I like seeing die.

[Anonymous No.9792307]

>>9792071
>>9792235
>>9792245
>>9792051
>>9792002
>>9789870
are you me lol

lmfao youre such an insecure cuck holy shit lighten up my dude
>>9790007
itll all be okay

>>9789810
piece of shit

>>9789833
brraaaaaaap

[Anonymous No.9792324]

i like pineapple on pizza

[Anonymous No.9792347]

>>9789799
I crowded the pan
forgot the shaka shaka
made fun of a fat lady doing cooking demos on YouTube

[Anonymous No.9792391]

>>9789799
I cook my steak well done in microwave with ketchup

[Anonymous No.9792435]

>>9789851
>not browsing /tv/
Sounds pretty good to me. Literal 0/10 worst board

[Anonymous No.9792488]

>>9789810
Kys or confess.

[Anonymous No.9792499]

>>9792071
Fucking white people. I swear

[Anonymous No.9792517]

I prefer pizzas and pastas without sauce.

[Anonymous No.9792525]

>>9792499
*huffs jenkem*

[Anonymous No.9792616]

i cooked some eggs without oiling the pan

[Anonymous No.9792671]

Bought locally produced and affordable Asian style tofu, which doesnt even remotely compare to regular European vegan cuck grocery store tofu.

I was too lazy to marinade it, threw in in a very hot cast iron skillet. It was great, nice crust, yet soft and tasty. Figured I'd glaze it, immediately the hot skillet burnt all the sugar in the marinade and everything was black and gooey.

[Anonymous No.9792705]

>>9792525
Get the fuck off 4chan and do your schoolwork normalfag.

[Anonymous No.9792726]

>>9792071
Me too. I wonder if other people have disgusting-tasting boogers or it's just an acquired taste. I wonder how other people's boogers taste but not enough to ever dare it.

[Anonymous No.9792977]

I regularly use garlic power because I'm too lazy to mince fresh garlic. I use ground ginger instead of fresh a lot too.

[Anonymous No.9793495]

>>9792671
>Asian style tofu
Juxtaposed to
>Vegan cuck tofu
I'm sorry but this post beautifully demonstrates the inconsistent and nonsensical rhetoric of this hellsite. Words mean actually nothing, any expression maybe has a determinate meaning for all of five seconds before its opposite becomes interchangeable with it. Nothing means anything and every thread is a sad sham, a parody of authentic communication.

I fucking hate all of you.

[Anonymous No.9793520]

I made one of thos puffy omelet things because I thought I could do it better than le fwee eggs faggot. I stabilized the whites with with cream of tartar before returning them to the yolks after whipping. I used heavy cream to create the same volumizing effect in soufle. I then layered in with thin (mandolined) slice of ham and cheese before burning and crying. To be fair I still did all of this faster than some instagram fuck and if I lower the heat a notch I'm more than positive I'll have an exponentially better soufle style omelet than any of these piece of shit talking heads that seem to overun culinary circles.

[Anonymous No.9793632]

I have never used fresh herbs in my cooking. But I plan to remedy that in the spring. I'm going to start an herb garden.

[Anonymous No.9793677]

>>9789957
>fruit and cheese together
Sacredieu

[Anonymous No.9793690]

>>9793495
He’s right, you know. There’s a genuine difference between shitty tofu marketed to vegans and Asian tofu.

[Anonymous No.9793691]

>>9789957
>trusting Italians with culinary advice
Side note, I bet they were really just 1/6th Italian too.

[Anonymous No.9793711]

>spend hours simmering a delicious stock
>strain it over sink
>mfw i realize i didn't put anything underneath and poured all my stock down the drain.
I just stood there for a minute looking at the sieve full of boiled chicken bones and onions. Forgive me.

[Anonymous No.9793717]

>>9793691

[Anonymous No.9793721]

I put semen and spit in my French toast mix and serve it to family. I enjoy the perverse feeling of guilt.

[Anonymous No.9794748]

>>9793495
Regular tofu that is sold in grocery stores around here literally tastes like rubber. Has the same consistency, too. The only tofu with flavour you can buy is smoked tofu, which is somewhat decent or artificially flavoured tofu, which is disgusting and really expensive.

Asian tofu, on the other hand, has a completely different taste and texture. It's soft and almost spongy. It doesn't taste like rubber and it's decent even if you don't marinate it to hide its regular flavour.

Asians don't use tofu to substitute animal products, they use it for what it is. Asian tofu basically is soy cheese, just like Indians would use paneer.

[Anonymous No.9794755]

>>9792435
>co/ck/s thinking theyre qualified to judge the shittiness of other boards
wew

[Anonymous No.9794771]

>>9790334
its jack
honestly its not worth looking into, once you know of jack you can never go back no matter how much you wish you could

[Anonymous No.9794780]

I am extremely paranoid over getting sick so i cook my meat well done

[Anonymous No.9794786]

>>9792304
were you anally raped by a goose as a child or something?

[Anonymous No.9794793]

>>9794780
Same my man

[Anonymous No.9794878]

>>9794780
Seek help and Xanax.

[Anonymous No.9794888]

>>9792304
Cool. I also enjoy slaughtering animals. It's the power trip I guess?

[Anonymous No.9794953]

>>9793495
Found the liberal.

>Asian style tofue
AKA processed and bought from an asian store. It's got less water and a different texture, unless you get the smoked version. Then it's ACE

>Vegan cuck tofu
This is the shit you buy in any and every store that tastes like shit, has WAY too much water, and doesn't even have the right texture. You have to first squeeze all the water out, then salt it to get more water out, then freeze it to fix the texture.

It's not our fault you're part of the outgroup and can't understand the ingroup's language. I understood the man fine.
>>9794748

[Anonymous No.9795230]

>>9789924
That happened many years ago we had something on the line later but we ended being just friends

On the side note im smashing my wife's latina pussy errday so its all good

[Anonymous No.9795413]

>>9789799
I out lime on rice, spaghetti, just about everything. Excessive amounts too. Without it, everything tastes Like shit

[Anonymous No.9796386]

I have done nothing wrong but eat tons of eggs and put unhealthy amounts of garlic on everything.

[Anonymous No.9796431]

>>9793691
No real Italians (cousins in Italy) I'm the amerimutt. But yeah you're right

>>9793677
What's the problem? The sweetness and tartness goes well with the strong flavor

[Anonymous No.9796442]

>>9789799
I used to peel potatoes before boiling them to make mash potatoes.

[Anonymous No.9796450]

>>9793711
I aint even mad.

-god

[Anonymous No.9796634]

>>9793711
I was half a second away from doing this the other night. You're not alone, anon.

[Anonymous No.9796660]

>>9796442
A common sin, don't feel guilty child

[Anonymous No.9796947]

Fuck off the board you double niggers

[Anonymous No.9796950]

>>9789799
I once stuck my dick in chocolate pudding to see what I would look like if I was black.
Seemed a bit bigger lads.

[Anonymous No.9797074]

>>9789799
I buy frozen veggies and steam them in the microwave.

[Anonymous No.9797488]

alpha

[Anonymous No.9798395]

I make my baked potatoes in the microwave and eat them with salt, pepper, garlic powder and ketchup. Whole. Like fucking apples.

[Anonymous No.9798719]

>>9796947
>not blocking ads
you are the absolute nigger

[Anonymous No.9799565]

>>9793711
RUINED

[Anonymous No.9799568]

>>9792071
you don't even add spices?

[Anonymous No.9799580]

I have been living off munchies for the past two months because I'm too lazy to cook.

[Anonymous No.9799582]

I fry things in olive oil even though the smoke point is very low because I genuinely enjoy the carcinogenic burnt flavour

[Anonymous No.9799623]

>>9798719
how to block adds on chrome on my phone pls help

[Anonymous No.9799688]

>>9799623
>>>/wsr/

[Anonymous No.9800031]

I once ate 400g of chocolate after eating 600g of pizza all in the span of 1 hour.

[Anonymous No.9800260]

>>9789799
I eat canned baked beans in sause since I'm too lazy to cook.

[Anonymous No.9800319]

>>9791953
It can't be

[Anonymous No.9800332]

>>9792304
Apologize

[Anonymous No.9800433]

>>9792977
Oh come on.
How lazy can you be?
Just place the garlic on the board, get the coverings off, and then pound it until the juices come out.
What's so hard about that?

[Anonymous No.9800443]

>>9792435
>co/ck/ has never been to /asp/ie
im "finna cringing" 2bh

[Anonymous No.9800945]

its about 30 seconds of extra effort

[Anonymous No.9800986]

i don't like vegetables

[Anonymous No.9800988]

>>9789799
I've never held a chefs job for longer than 3 months.
I came out of college with straight A's too.

[Anonymous No.9800988,1]

>>9792307
hi