Food greentexts new and old

[Anonymous No.9551720]

Heres a new one
>sister just moved to her own place
>she only like sweet food and cant cook
>she invite the family over to dinner
>she want to show us what a strong, independent women shes grown into
>we gather in her kitchen where a big pot is boiling
>its a stew
>we sit down to eat and she serve us from the pot
>its a chicken stew, with spices
>its also inedible
>we just sit and poke around in the brown mess with our forks
>finally dad ask whats in it
>eh.. chicken, garlic, onions, tomato..
>how much garlic?
>two
>two cloves?
no two whole fucking goddam garlics holy shit that stew was nasty

[Anonymous No.9551746]

Are crackers really like this?

[Anonymous No.9551775]

>>9551746
Please delete that racial slur

[Anonymous No.9551782]

>>9551720
I've told the story before but I'll greentext it for this
>get invited to thanksgiving at a buddies house
>gonna deep fry a turkey
>tell him I can't wait, been so long since I had that crispy turkey skin
>He's cooking sides in his small kitchen so I hang outside
>few minutes before I start to get the oil hot, I go grab the turkey out of the fridge
>took the foil off because there was a layer of plastic wrap too
>looked a little odd but I didn't check it out
>oil is up to temp and I start to get the turkey ready to drop
>75% of the skin is not on the turkey, there is some on each leg and wing and that's it
>I can't believe what I'm seeing
>go into the kitchen and sarcastically tell him I need the skin for the turkey
>He points at a stock pot and says it's in there
>nothing left to do but drop this thing in the oil
>REALLY want to go home before it finishes
>pull the turkey out and it's black
>charred 1/2-3/4 inch down
>totally disgusting
>sad part is, my buddy is a head chef at a corporate restaurant

[Anonymous No.9551783]

>>9551746
nigger detected

[Anonymous No.9551786]

>>9551720
This is unrelated to the thread, but may I ask which device you posted this from? I'm particularly curious about what generates that image filename

[Anonymous No.9551787]

>>9551720

[Anonymous No.9551788]

>>9551720
>Being mean to your sister for a minor mistake she mad during her first steps into independence
>Not appreciating the fact that she tried to cook a meal for you and your family

You're a bad oniisan, Anon. I'm not sure what to say about the bitterness you have buried inside of you.

[Anonymous No.9551793]

>>9551720
>Being mean to your sister for a minor mistake she made during her first steps into independence
>Not appreciating the fact that she tried to cook a meal for you and your family

You're a bad oniisan, Anon. I'm not sure what to say about the bitterness you have buried inside of you.

[Anonymous No.9551800]

>>9551793
When was he mean? According to his story they put up with it rather nicely

[Anonymous No.9551805]

>>9551782
how's it feel fucking up that family's thanksgiving because you're an autist?

[Anonymous No.9551808]

>>9551787
mental af

[Anonymous No.9551810]

>>9551720
I feel skeptical about this.

[Anonymous No.9551811]

>>9551800
>Posting the story of his sister's failure online to thousands of mongolian beekeepers for internet attention
>Not mean

Put up with? Really? That makes it sound like it was an insult to his very existence. OP is just being a little bitch.

[Anonymous No.9551814]

>>9551720
>garlics
what did xhe mean by this?
Two bulbs?

[Anonymous No.9551818]

>>9551811
Not mean to her. What would you have done in his place? Eat the disgusting food just to be nice?

[Anonymous No.9551820]

>>9551787
I cringed way too hard at that.

[Anonymous No.9551826]

>>9551805
there was nothing else that could be done. the oven was full and there was no time to cook it in the oven even if it wasn't full.
>>9551814
that has to be what was used if it wasn't cloves

[Anonymous No.9551827]

>>9551818
Not be a cunt about my sister trying to cook for her family so I can feel better about my own shortcoming? Tell her what was up and help her get better?

OP is an unappreciative little shit.

[Anonymous No.9551840]

[Anonymous No.9551844]

>>9551827
>Not be a cunt about my sister trying to cook for her family so I can feel better about my own shortcoming?
How is he being a cunt? He's just sharing a funny story
>Tell her what was up and help her get better?
I see you've never tried giving a woman criticism about something she made, it never goes well

[Anonymous No.9551845]

[Anonymous No.9551855]

Anything have that ">he doesn't make his own pasta" greentext?

[Anonymous No.9551858]

>>9551827
This a strong womyn does not need criticizm, she needs validation!

[Anonymous No.9551863]

>>9551786
You tryna hack me iphone there bro?

>>9551793
Nothing mean about it. She saved the whole thing with some home made cup cakes afterward and we all had a laugh about it

[Anonymous No.9551864]

>>9551844
What part of his story was funny? Literally none of it. There were no jokes, no implications, nothing. All it was was "my sister fucked up, look how much sister fucked up, pay attention to me".

>I see you've never tried giving a woman criticism about something she made, it never goes well
>>>/r9k/

[Anonymous No.9551865]

>>9551746
I don't think I've ever seen a black woman under 40 capable of cooking at all.
>we ain' nee' dat stove!
>we got ahselves a big ol' buggit o' CHIGGIN!

[Anonymous No.9551892]

>>9551865
I bet they wouldn't cry about a bit of garlic either.

[Anonymous No.9551898]

>>9551787
I know someone with this exact mindset. Of course he doesn't work, so this can't be him.

[Anonymous No.9551917]

>>9551864
The story is fabricated. I didnt want to start a greentext thread without a greentext so i made some shit up. There were never a insulted sister or anything to get mad about. So you can sit back and relax. Or you can try to find sone other small matter to become upset about.

I would suggest you to take a shower first though. There seem to be some sand stuck in your vagina.

[Anonymous No.9551925]

>>9551892
Can blacks even eat garlic?

[Anonymous No.9551930]

>>9551898
I had a good size party of around 9 people, with 3 members of the opposite sex present.

[Anonymous No.9551932]

>>9551864
Please, go back to Facebook. Nobody wants you here and you're being a fucking cunt.

[Anonymous No.9551936]

>>9551917
>Lying on the internet

Anon, your behavior disgusts me.

[Anonymous No.9551948]

>>9551932
I think you should go back to fagbook, OP, and take your lame stories with you.

[Anonymous No.9551951]

>>9551840
>>9551845
lmao, what a faggot this guy is

[Anonymous No.9551957]

>>9551720
You type like a fucking middle schooler. Going to report you as underage just because.

[Anonymous No.9551959]

>>9551840
0/10

[Anonymous No.9551967]

>>9551948
>op
>everyone who isn't absolutely thrilled about me being here is the same person!
kek

[Anonymous No.9551973]

Oh man

[Anonymous No.9551978]

[Anonymous No.9551994]

[Anonymous No.9552016]

>>9551746
Sorry, darky our food doesnt come to us on a plastic tray that says UNICORP on the bottom of it

[Anonymous No.9552208]

>invite friend for steaks
>prepare for hours
>crack some beer, talk shit
>invite him to sit down
>time to fry the steaks
>got them room temperatured and all
>beautiful, beautiful steaks
>heat up oil, put steak in
>while doing so i tell him i thought about 2:30 minutes on each side
>medium rare, if thats all right
>nah, i would like it well done
Night ruined

[Anonymous No.9552256]

[Anonymous No.9552289]

>>9551827
You have to go back

[Anonymous No.9552344]

>>9551994
Heh. I remember this one.

[Anonymous No.9552371]

>>9551746
Reported

[Anonymous No.9552475]

>>9551978
>400 lb angry whopper dead on the floor
Obvious fake story but made me chuckle nevertheless.

[Anonymous No.9552514]

>>9551863
Nah, just curious. It's an iPhone then? Thanks.

[Anonymous No.9552624]

>>9551787
These people are like runaway trains. Better hope you arent in their trajectory.

[Anonymous No.9552673]

I understand that the guy was just a kid, but dammit, this made me mad.
>be me in my 20’s, just got apartment with my then gf
>I was super into cooking at the time, and brother had just got me 2 high quality tomahawk steaks from a place called “snake river farms” for my birthday
>had them sitting on counter for when I got back from work so I could make a tasty dinner for gf and I
>walk in to the smell of my steak cooking
>gfs little brother is there and has cut up my $80 steaks into tiny pieces and has them simmering well done for “””steak tips”” in a store bought brown gravy
>he was like 15 at the time and was taking some kind of culinary class at his high school and said he wanted to try this recipe
>he seemed really excited about it

I didn’t even bother getting mad

[Anonymous No.9552707]

>>9552673
Holy fuck

[Anonymous No.9552712]

>>9551782
>responsible for cooking the turkey
>walks away from the deep-frying food
>ruins it
>tries to blame his friend who was inside preparing the side dishes
You're a terrible person and a danger to everyone around you

[Anonymous No.9552744]

>>9552712
>walks away from the deep-frying food
I never seen the food until I pulled it out of the fridge. I know this is bait. but even if my buddy cut off the wing tips, he would of had a better stock than just throwing in some skin

[Anonymous No.9552785]

>>9552673

[Anonymous No.9552796]

>>9552744
How am I baiting? You clearly said you put it in the oil, then wanted to go home while it was cooking and came back to find it burnt.

[Anonymous No.9552879]

>>9552796
What are you, Fucking illiterate? He never said he went home or want away.

[Anonymous No.9552881]

>>9552208
did you fuck tho?

[Anonymous No.9552902]

>>9551782
The skin not being on the turkey had little to do with you burning it, you're just not good at deep frying a turkey

[Anonymous No.9552942]

>>9552673
Snake river is amazing. I'd have thrown him out.

[Anonymous No.9552947]

>>9552879

>>9551782
>>nothing left to do but drop this thing in the oil
>>REALLY want to go home before it finishes
>>pull the turkey out and it's black

Why would he mention wanting to go home unless it caused him to burn the turkey, and it wouldn't have unless he left it unattended for an extended period.

[Anonymous No.9552962]

>>9551720
Maybe she was trying to do a 40 clove chicken dish, but didn't realize that it's the slow roasting that makes that dish edible and it won't really work in a stew.

[Anonymous No.9552979]

>>9552947
You're just making assumptions

[Anonymous No.9553211]

>>9551951
file name for Irish Stew Guy.
From a time when /ck/ had memes.

[Anonymous No.9553231]

>>9552947
I REALLY want some pussy right now.
Doesn’t mean I have it.
Either you’re ESL or can’t into logic.

[Anonymous No.9553264]

>>9553231
I've never burnt a turkey because I was standing in the kitchen wishing I had a gf.

[Anonymous No.9553324]

>>9552673
I feel ya. Wife's younger brother lived with us for a year as a NEET and his parents wanted him out of their house:
>Wants to make a Bloomin' Onion
>Mixes together every half bottle of oil in the pantry - coconut, peanut, canola, olive to fill the frying pot to the brim
>heats to 400F and drops in giant onion
>oil splatter everywhere, reeks of smoke
> he didn't pay attention to it; onion fries to a black crisp
> I come home, ask what the fuck, tell him to clean it up
>he asks me if I want it because it doesn't look good enough for him to eat
>say no, tell him to clean it up
>says he can't because he has to visit his boyfriend for the weekend. takes a shower, grabs a bag of dildos or some shit and walks out leaving a huge mess

he no longer lives with us

[Anonymous No.9553335]

>>9553264
Was I implying anything of the sort?
If you’re the guy who I replied to you’re weird and I’m disengaging.
That original greentext never SAID he walked away.
It said he WANTED to be at home.
He didn’t say he WENT home.

[Anonymous No.9553340]

>>9553335
Explain why his unfulfilled desire to go home caused the turkey to be burnt almost beyond recognition.

[Anonymous No.9553349]

>>9551973
what was the recipe?

[Anonymous No.9553355]

>>9553340
You're retarded and drawing conclusions out of nothing

His desire to go home didn't cause the chicken to burn, much like how my desire to post on 4chan without retards doesn't stop you from appearing

[Anonymous No.9553420]

>>9553340
He seems to be implying that his friend who is a head chef did something that anon who is presumably a lower level pleb didn't like so in spite anon ruined the chefs turkey instead of going home which he really wanted to do given his tendency to flee and that it's the chefs fault because he is a chef so anon backstabbed him ruining Thanksgiving

[Anonymous No.9553838]

>>9551746

[Anonymous No.9554042]

>>9553340
There's something here that just isn't connecting in your head.

After seeing the fucking state of the turkey and it's lack of skin anon wanted to leave.
Because without the skin it would be ruined.
He didn't actually leave, but he wanted to.
Because he knew there was nothing humanly possible he could have done to salvage that turkey.
Because anon is a man of honor he waited for the turkey to be cooked to temperature instead of leaving.
Without its skin it was ruined.
Anon knew this would happen and probably warned his friend, who cooks professionally.

[Anonymous No.9554093]

>>9553324
The games are mentally ill. Not saying it as being a homophobe but it seems they every homosexual male has some sort of mental illness about them something about their personality. They come off as a whiny bratty teenage girl

[Anonymous No.9554103]

>>9551746
pretty sure they like to be called "cum skins" now

[Anonymous No.9554166]

>>9554042
Why are you whiteknighting for a loser who ruined a turkey because he wanted to go home? Did a chef yell at you for not washing the dishes properly

[Anonymous No.9554185]

>mom decides that we're having steaks for Christmas
>her and my grandma spend $200+ on premium steaks from a local butcher
>get charged with cooking steaks for Christmas dinner
>tell them outright that i'm going to cook these correctly
>not "bloody", but i'm not going to make them well done like they usually get
>explain to them that it will taste much better this way
>"oh of course anon we trust you you're a good cook"
>Christmas day i get over to Grandma's house and the steaks are already being marinated
>empty bottle of worcestershire next to it and some sort of Walmart spice blend
>god damnit
>whatever, comes time to put them on the grill
>stand outside in the cold darkness and it's lightly sprinkling freezing rain
>can't see a thing because there's no lights out here
>ah yes, this is why i was "chosen" to do this
>grill these steaks by phone light
>getting really depressed standing out there, dad had been killed only 2 months ago
>take steaks off grill, they're not perfect but whatever i don't care anymore
>i go warm up by the fire
>time to eat and i see grandma pull steaks from out of the oven
>broiled the shit out of them
>"oh anon these are so good thanks for cooking"
>practically inedible dry texture and tastes like garbage
>drank a whole bottle of eggnog-wine and cried later
the magic of Christmas

[Anonymous No.9554187]

>>9554166
(You)

[Anonymous No.9554201]

>>9554185
This is one of the weirder greentexts I've read in the past week I'll give you that much. Are your parents disappointed in having a gay son?

[Anonymous No.9554207]

>>9554201
i don't know, i don't speak with my mother

[Anonymous No.9554237]

>>9554207
Oh. I'm sorry man. But it does get better.

[Anonymous No.9554292]

>>9554237
not it's about something else, i don't think she knows or care if she does

[Anonymous No.9554311]

>>9554292
Well still I feel like an asshole. Sorry again.

[Anonymous No.9554482]

>>9553211
We still got memes. They're shit though.

[Anonymous No.9555201]

>>9554482
>grabs a tin of pineapple rings

[Anonymous No.9556244]

>>9552673
as a primary school teacher I've learned a specific way to deal with the fucktarded but too young to be guilty: sternly and calmly have them clean up after their fuckups. You don't rip his head off and shit down his throat, you say "sit down a minute boy. Listen, I know you're learning some new stuff and proud to try it, and that's cool and I like it, but you done fucked up by grabbing the wrong steaks without checking with me. So what you're gonna do is replace them." And then make him replace them, or work a debt for it. Don't be a dick about it, just teach him a lesson about wasting good things that don't belong to him. He'll grow up a bigger man for it with a better sense of responsibility and will be less likely to turn into a child-beating angry asshole.

[Anonymous No.9556291]

The three part classic

[Anonymous No.9556295]

>>9556291

[Anonymous No.9556297]

>>9556295

[Anonymous No.9556325]

>have tradition of inviting friends over for meals, drinks and shooting the shit
>usually soup because I'm broke
>this time have enough cash for a nice stew and it's St paddy's
>friend from the other side of the country is even back in hometown
>but the bugger's vegetarian now
>thank god he still eats fish
>make cod liver, parsnip, mackerel filets, shallots and potatoes into a creamy soup
>he buys the booze to excuse himself for forcing arrangements
>have an amazing evening listening to the taxpayers
and then some faggy friend wanted to visit a pub anyway so we went out and I had a 9€ gin, it was alright but not worth the dosh

[Anonymous No.9556512]

Bump

[Anonymous No.9556519]

>>9551782
>cook something to charcoal
>blame someone else

you could have fixed this by breading it or changing the cooking method you dork

[Anonymous No.9556534]

>>9551840
>The host looked annoyed so I told him.

Every fucking time

[Anonymous No.9556541]

>>9551845
To be fair, in this screencap the other guy is equally autistic

[Anonymous No.9556558]

>>9554093
Well in my experience, my gay friends are more mentally healthy than my straight friends.

[Anonymous No.9556561]

>>9551720

I always enjoy this one.

[Anonymous No.9556564]

>>9551720

[Anonymous No.9556579]

>Dad's GF is visiting, offers to cook dinner, which is a fresh side of salmon
>The recipe she has for it sounds pretty good, it's coriander, chilli, lime zest, bit of oil etc
>She doesn't wash the coriander before chopping it, I touch some and come away with my hands sandy
>I try not to be a bitch about it, I laugh and complain with her about how some stores irresponsibly don't wash their shit and help her to rinse it before it gets put on the fish, everything seems to have gone fine
>Dad tells her when the guests are going to be arriving so she knows when to put the fish in the oven
>She puts the fish in a good hour before they show up
>Fish is broiled past any salvation
>'This recipe is really good because the oil means you can keep it in the oven for as long as you need to without it burning!'
>About a quarter of the salmon ended up being eaten because no-one liked it
>I got pressured into taking most of it home with me
She's a lovely woman and I like her a lot but I'm not going to trust her with another salmon. My dad's half of the family can't fucking win with salmon, his favorite type of it is this disgustingly soft, tasteless pre-marinated shit that you get from ALDI and cook from frozen.

[Anonymous No.9556616]

[Anonymous No.9556622]

>>9556244
pedophile alert

[Anonymous No.9556647]

>>9552947
>>9551805
>>9552712
>>9552902
>>9556519
I did stay out side the whole time, but when frying turkey you don't keep pulling it up and checking. you figure the weight of the bird and amount of time to fry it and let it go, making sure the oil temp stays good. I'm not going to bread a 17 pound turkey. and the oven was full and not enough time to cook it in there anyway. and the skin not being on the turkey was the reason it was charred, the 25% of skin that was left on the legs turned out fine. the fucked up parts were that I told him a week before that I couldn't wait for that crispy skin and also we cooked a turkey two years before when he bought the fryer, and it turned out fine the first time when it had skin on it.

[Anonymous No.9556664]

>>9551973
...well? Did he get the recipe?

[Anonymous No.9556673]

Already posted it but:
>travelling through Europe
>Barcelona, leaving the morning after
>no place to eat open nearby, only a McDonald's
>fuck it
>have a Big Mac, some nuggets and a Coke
>everything seems fine
>wake up an hour and a half before I left to catch the flight
>feeling awful
>puke
>drink water
>puke
>go to airport
>puke
>check in
>puke
>buy a few Gatorades to try and keep myself from dehydration
>puke
>12 hour flight
>puke throughout
>get home
>puke one last time

I can't eat at McDonald's after that.

[Anonymous No.9556695]

>>9552673
you have the patience of a saint anon.

[Anonymous No.9556702]

>>9554093
faggot here, it's less of a problem with being gay, and has more to do with the gay community. For a long time people couldn't be open about loving dicks, so a bunch of noisy faggot's like to flaunt there sexuality as much as possible, because they themselves are boring, and there only defining characteristic is how much they love cock.

[Anonymous No.9557356]

bump

[Anonymous No.9557392]

>>9551720
>garlic and spices
>made the food disgusting
Sounds like you and your whole family have defective taste buds. I'd love to knock up your sister, force her to marry me and eat her chicken and garlic stew every week.

[Anonymous No.9557438]

>>9551746
We prefer to be called, "Crackfrican Americans"

[Anonymous No.9557483]

>>9551865
Lol I actually dated a black chick who had no stove. She must have spent $400 on food every month.

[Anonymous No.9557484]

>mom usually cooks thanksgiving but since dad died she stopped
>i'm the only one who lives in town with her, everybody else moved out
>so i start doing the thanksgiving dinner
>one thanksgiving she decides she wants to cook thanksgiving again
>tell her she doesn't have too but she insists
>she cooks it
>siblings flies in
>all sit down for dinner
>all complain about how shitty the thanksgiving is
>all blame me
>mom starts crying and says she's the one who cook this year's thanksgiving dinner
>siblings tells her she doesn't have to take responsibility for me ruining thanksgiving
>blames me for making mom cry
>get uninvited to all future family events

[Anonymous No.9557492]

>>9557484
Your family must hate you, Jesus Christ. What did you do to them?

[Anonymous No.9557499]

>>9556647
Nigga you still fucked up that turkey no amount of autistic posting is going to change that

[Anonymous No.9557504]

>>9551840
>they are unmarried but live together

[Anonymous No.9557644]

>>9557484
Wow. Fuck. why do your relatives dislike you so much?

[Anonymous No.9557736]

>>9551783
why do pigskins get so easily offended? LOL

[Anonymous No.9557742]

>>9557499
>>9557644
DUBS WOO!
esfores

[Anonymous No.9557852]

>>9554093
Nah, not everyone of them is like that. Just the attention whoring pieces of shit.

[Anonymous No.9557993]

>>9557484
You're mom sounds like a fag

[Anonymous No.9558018]

>>9551820
>I cringed
Why don't you "cringe" your way back to facebook, faggot?

[Anonymous No.9558199]

>>9557484
Sounds to me they were itching for a reason to shit on you

[Anonymous No.9558242]

>>9554185
>Grandma takes some fine looking roast out of the oven
>Go set up the table
>She cut the roast stuck it in the microwave at high for five minutes
>She takes out dry unediblr shit
>The news said you have to do this with everything you eat anon, otherwise you get sick

[Anonymous No.9558246]

>>9558018

[Anonymous No.9558444]

>be me
>favorite dish of all time is slippery ham pot pie
>loved by everyone else in the family
> no one makes it like mom, however she hates making it, blames it on arthritis that only flares when this dish comes up
>decide I'm going to learn to make it for myself
> get recipe
>boil ham, add ham base, mix flour and water, roll out, add to boiling ham broth, cook until dumplings are done
>EZPZ
>dumplings are always chewy, never the soft, pillowy goodness I've grown to love
> follow to a T on a half dozen occasions, still not as good as when mom makes it
>resign to my fate, this is the only dish she can make better than me
>fast forward to 11 months ago
>youngest brother passes away unexpectedly at 23
>family is completely devastated
>visiting the family during grieving process
> come to rely on cooking as a way to keep my mind off the loss
>offer to make slippery ham pot pie as a comfort food for us and the wellwishers that drop in
>"I'll do all the work mom, just watch me to make sure I make it right"
>follow her instructions carefully
>having a good time, mom rubbing in that I can't make it right, say it's payback for years of "fixing" her recipes like her well done porkchops and ketchup, kidney bean, and brown sugar Cincinnati chili
>follow all steps carefully
>"it should be done now anon"
>moment of truth
>it's still wrong, dumplings are chewy
>tell mom it's wrong
>"oh, I'll have some, just let me finish talking with my friend from out of town"
>so sad and frustrated I ate a plate of the most depressing comfort food ever made
>mom comes into the kitchen
>"you left the stove on"
>turns off stove, dishes herself a plate
>"It's perfect! I don't know why you said you can't make it"
>taste
>it's perfect
>realize the elusive step I've been missing all these years is overcooking the shit out of it
>mfw for a brief moment the greatest sorrow I've ever known was eclipsed by the rage of a thousand suns

[Anonymous No.9558528]

>>9557484
Either there's some details you're not telling us or your familly just really hates you

[Anonymous No.9558572]

>>9557484
>>get uninvited to all future family events
Awesome!

[Anonymous No.9558642]

>>9556673
>i ate at McDonald's
>then i got sick

wow, great story, anon. very riveting.

[Anonymous No.9558684]

>>9556647
>I told him how I liked my turkey cooked, he should have remembered that when he invited me to his thanksgiving dinner for his family
you're a good person deep down, huh?

[Anonymous No.9558721]

>>9552624
i think this is all one guy, he got so much shit for his posts he may have left, haven't seen him in a awhile

[Anonymous No.9558765]

>>9556664
this question must be addressed

[Anonymous No.9558783]

>>9552016
i only buy my food produced from the best conglomerate

[Anonymous No.9558821]

>>9553324
>grabs a bag of dildos or some shit and walks out
this shit right here

[Anonymous No.9558846]

>>9556244
this is good advice, what are you doing here?

[Anonymous No.9558904]

>>9554093
As a bisexual white male, I pontificate that the majority of homosexuality is rooted in trauma and social dysfunction. This is a broad stereotype applicable to the majority.

[Anonymous No.9558923]

>>9557484
no one is this retarded
what did you do to your family, what did you leave out of the story, or how much did you lie about it?

[Anonymous No.9558939]

>>9551720
I would eat that shit, I'm a garlic fiend

[Anonymous No.9558961]

>>9551720
>that picture

Are Americans really this disgusting?

[Anonymous No.9558986]

>>9558961
Yep, that's how we eat.
We could never figure out how eating utensils work, fuck you we're American.

[Anonymous No.9558994]

>>9556244
>how to grow your kid up to be a pussy

[Anonymous No.9559004]

>>9558961
That's poutine from Smoke's Pouteierie. He's probably Canadian, or at least in Canada.

[Anonymous No.9559077]

>>9556325
>talks like this
>€

irish?

[Anonymous No.9559124]

>>9552673
Holy shit, you're the "you have to eat all the eggs" guy.

[Anonymous No.9559133]

>>9557483
More like the tax payers did.

[Anonymous No.9559148]

>>9558904
So what's your trauma?

[Anonymous No.9559197]

Here we go

[Anonymous No.9559241]

>>9551994
>'Old Mexican Alamost Delicious'

[Anonymous No.9559342]

>>9556579
>>'This recipe is really good because the oil means you can keep it in the oven for as long as you need to without it burning!'
someone can't be that daft, surely?

[Anonymous No.9559468]

>>9556616
>chef Boy-yar-Dumb

My fucking sides

[Anonymous No.9559487]

>>9558994
This.

A good slap says so much more than that faggotry. It'll also teach him how to react when someone steps all over his shit.

[Anonymous No.9559546]

>>9552673
it's kind of weird that you left meat out on the counter and then went to work

[Anonymous No.9559553]

>>9559004
it's an international franchise now, so who knows?

[Anonymous No.9559561]

>>9551746
Yeah, we regularly take time to visit immediate family that left our households of 1 father and 1 mother.

[Anonymous No.9560318]

Bump

[Anonymous No.9561063]

>>9553838
Mfw wite pepol dun waah dere chicken propper
Yall nastay

[Anonymous No.9561170]

>>9551994
Wait people don't put paprika with salt and pepper on fries?

[Anonymous No.9561196]

>>9558994
t. confrontational sociopathic "that guy"

[Anonymous No.9561236]

>>9558444
I'm sorry about your brother anon

[Anonymous No.9561724]

>>9559077
French but I learned english with irish friends.

[Anonymous No.9561844]

>>9551787
This is the kind of person I imagine when when someone posts "do Americans really do this?"

[Anonymous No.9561879]

>>9561170
The world is really a frightening place

[Anonymous No.9561887]

>>9551864
dude you have never had a girlfriend if you think woman can handle criticism. about 85% of the time it goes tits up and they think you don't appreciate them or think they are smart.

[Anonymous No.9561910]

>>9561887
>or think they are smart.

Better than when they think acting like a stupid child is cute and ditsy

[Anonymous No.9561980]

>>9557484
sounds like they all have some guilt over not living close to a mother that needs them so shiting on you makes them feel loads better and helps them sleep at night.

[Anonymous No.9562014]

>>9561910
meant to type aren't smart. as in he must think im dumb if he has to correct me. and i totally agree, cant stand it when they act ditsy like its somehow endearing.

[Anonymous No.9562020]

>>9551994
>daddy grinds to feed his kids
Dad was a master troll

[Anonymous No.9562045]

>>9551787
For a few seconds into reading that I thought it was going to be a modified Irish Stew shitpost.

[Anonymous No.9562053]

>>9551820
kys newfriend

[Anonymous No.9562055]

>>9551783
>>9551865
>>9552016
>>9553838
>>9554103
>>9559561
I'm not even black lmao
whites get so mad over nothing haha

[Anonymous No.9562098]

>>9562055
Blacks are not "nothing" we are entitled to get a mad about them heres your (you)

[Anonymous No.9562108]

>>9562055
you are right blacks are nothing and will always be nothing.

[Anonymous No.9562502]

>>9558444
That's so sad but that last line is gold.

Life is funny like that Anon. Stay positive.

[Anonymous No.9562538]

>>9551898
That anon apparently lies about having a girlfriend I wouldn't be surprised if he was so autistic that he made the whole thing up to brag to 4chan

[Anonymous No.9562599]

>>9551973
>when the whole party fails the constitution check

[Anonymous No.9562629]

>>9557484
this story is leaving so much out that for all intents and purposes it is fake and gay

[Anonymous No.9562844]

>>9562045
Me too. I was really confused.
Are there that many similarly anal retentive autists on /ck/?

[Anonymous No.9564774]

>>9562098
>>9562108

Triggered whitey LMAO

[Anonymous No.9564988]

>>9564774
I'm going to call them white because my fragile psyche can't handle the fact that the whole world hates niggers not just white pipo

[Anonymous No.9565125]

>>9551787
Considering autism is ruled out, what is wrong with this fuck? Unless it's bait, which it probably is.

[Anonymous No.9565128]

>>9551793
Not as bitter as the stew was

[Anonymous No.9565137]

>>9561170
The charcoal roast chicken place that I used to live near used a mix of smoked paprika and chicken salt, holy fuck it tasted amazing

[Anonymous No.9565159]

>>9551951
No, he's just a guy who is pretty good at coming up with stories. His posts reek of bait

[Anonymous No.9565191]

>>9564774
Asians, Jews, Arabs, Abo's (aussie nigs) and even other black people hate black people too

[Anonymous No.9565193]

>>9551720

Shit, crackers can't eat no spice man.

[Anonymous No.9565198]

>>9558444
How'd your brother die, Trip?

[Anonymous No.9565206]

>>9554187
Holy shit, that captcha

[Anonymous No.9566425]

>>9551787
>>9551840
I can only imagine that these were posted by Marie.

[Anonymous No.9566439]

>>9551746

UMA DELICIA

[Anonymous No.9566504]

>>9552673
At first I got angry, but then I just laughed and laughed and laughed.

How can a 15-year-old not be able to differentiate between quality meat and regular meat? And did your girlfriend give him permission to cook your steaks, or did he take initiative without her consent?

Also, this: >>9556244

[Anonymous No.9566873]

>>9551793
The first time i cooked with garlic, i did not know what I was doing so I bit into a clove to see how strong it was. It was awful but I did not over spice the dish.

[Anonymous No.9566974]

>>9551800
Yeah I'm sure his sister will stumble upon this anonymous message and immediately realize it's about her and then break down in tears.
What a bully he is, shame on OP.

[Anonymous No.9566977]

>>9566974
Oh shit I meant to reply to >>9551793

[Anonymous No.9568087]

>kid me, visiting cousin with mom
>aunt complains how we never come over for dinner with them
>mom gets a little flustered but laughs it off
>aunt insists we stay for dinner
>mom pulls 50 excuses out of her ass, says we need to go
>aunt begs for at least me to stay over
>me having no idea what's going on, i offer to stay for auntie's sake
>mom books it out of there
>aunt serves food
>boiled unsalted potatoes, blanched unsalted carrots, chunk of unsalted unflavored boiled tofu
>i barely finish it to be polite, doing best to keep mouth shut
>talking to cousin later
>she had food allergy test, allergic to 15 out of 20 tested foods
>aunt was never a good cook anyway
>mom knew about this but never told me
>come home hungry and unsatisfied
>family finished off dinner, no leftovers

[Anonymous No.9568238]

> tip with a rip

[Anonymous No.9568265]

>>9551746
sadly yes, as a "cracker" I am ashamed to admit the others of my race that I've met are really shit at food in general. I don't associate with niggers, but from what I've seen they got memed pretty hard into overly salty deep fried shit. everybody fucking sucks but me.

[Anonymous No.9568297]

>>9552673
should have killed the little shit

[Anonymous No.9568307]

>>9568087
Your Aunt is a sweetheart. Hope you're regularly keeping in touch with her!

[Anonymous No.9568334]

>>9551720
She did nothing wrong. If you're cooking savory food, there is never, ever such a thing as too much garlic.

[Anonymous No.9568344]

>>9551782
What an ass, jeez.

[Krager !T5l/R87Z4g No.9568354]

>>9551746
I know right
Reading through this thread is making me nauseous

[Anonymous No.9568364]

>>9551720
>>9568334
This. I use half a bulb of garlic for a single serving of aglio olio. Two bulbs doesn't sound like too much for a whole family, especially when there was likely leftovers too.

[Anonymous No.9568375]

>>9551787
the chad autist

[Anonymous No.9569084]

>be in college
>see a small mom and pop gyro place run by an elderly couple
>start eating there almost every day
>usually get gyros, but sometimes get a salad or the soup
>husband pass away
>business starts going downhill cause the wife can't handle it all by herself
>her kids don't wanna help out
>still keep going there anyways, cause despite her not being able to run a restaurant all by herself, the food is still good
>I'm basically the only customer that goes there
>she tells me she's closing up shop and moving back to Greece
>thanks me for eating at their restaurant and for still coming up till the last day
>last day she gives be a big tray of homemade bougatsa
I really miss that place to this day, no gyro place could ever replace it

[Anonymous No.9569299]

>>9551720
Holy fuck thats SMOKES fucking poutine.

[Anonymous No.9569427]

>>9568307
She is and I do. She's just kind of a lousy cook is all, but she does have good intentions.

Makes pretty decent cakes, tho.

[Anonymous No.9569438]

>>9551746
uh oh, you really riled up the teenagers with your racial """"""slur""""""

[Anonymous No.9569471]

>>9554482
Imagine being Jack Jr and just thinking about how you could have been born into a family where your dad didn't have a shitty youtube channel, but might have known not to feed his family garbage.