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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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9437851 No.9437851 [Reply] [Original]

>tfw you love coffee but it always gives you the shits

>> No.9437862

>>9437851
Just take nexium each morning.

>> No.9437873

>tfw you don't give a shit about coffee and when you do drink it it has no effect on you

Must be hard not being able to consume all food and beverage with no repercussions.

>> No.9437881

>>9437851
Caffeine stimulates your bowels. That's why.

>> No.9437956

>tfw you can't stand the taste of coffee but it would probably be helpful on many occasions

>> No.9437999

>>9437851
>tfw you love 2D girls but cant find any to fuck

>> No.9438019

>>9437956
You will immediately cease and not continue to access the site if you are under the age of 18.

>> No.9438606

>tfw love my husband but he always gives me the hits

>> No.9438649

>>9437956
Caffeine pills are dirt cheap.
Google ECA stack for an even better combo.

>> No.9438683

Coffee shits are like half the reason I drink coffee. Otherwise I have to spend like half an hour wiping.

>> No.9438697

>>9438683
>he doesn't take a shower shit immediately after drinking his morning joe

>> No.9438705

>>9437851
Same
Decaf my man

>> No.9438717

I drink 2 cups of coffee in the morning and shortly thereafter have my once/day megashit, usually a rather long and thick roll that leaves barely a trace on the paper unless I seriously overdrank the night before in which case it can be rather loose.

>> No.9438744

>>9438717
Fuck that was funny to read.

>> No.9438766
File: 488 KB, 824x582, Screen Shot 2017-07-31 at 1.46.47 PM.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
9438766

>>9437851
>tfw you love getting the shits

>> No.9439150

>>9438766
Mah nigger. It's the simple things in life.

>> No.9439185

>>9438717
>>9438744

laughed loudly, precisely what i aim to

>> No.9439393

>>9437851
that's half of it's purpose for me. A little pick me up in the morning and almost always guaranteed to give me a cleansing morning shit. Makes the rest of the day much smoother

>> No.9439412

>>9437851
it just makes me piss often instead :/

>> No.9439420

>tfw you love beer but it always gives you a headache

>> No.9439424

>>9437851
You have IBS.

>> No.9440488
File: 142 KB, 780x1040, IMG_20170911_082158.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
9440488

>>9437999
you're not looking hard enough, I just found one the other day and invited her home

>> No.9440499

>>9439420
This means you're not drinking enough of it. Or you're drinking something like Budweiser.

>> No.9440606

>>9437851
So? Dont you have a fucking bathroom?

>> No.9440658

>>9438697
Shower shits are the best
Drop a load, waffle stomp it, and then the water washes you to cleanliness

>> No.9440661

>>9440488
Free
Pussy
Riot

>> No.9440663

>>9440499
> this makes me feel sick
>I MUST NEED MORE

Have fun dying painfully.

>> No.9440693

>>9440663
Will do. I'm hosting a race to see which will kill me horribly first: tobacco, alcohol, or extremely excessive amounts of salt.

>> No.9440716
File: 733 KB, 1200x1412, WhatAreSips.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
9440716

Op, there are other ways to get your morning caffeine. Monster Energy™ even makes coffee flavored drinks under the Java Monster™ branding label. Perhaps you should give these a try. The Ultra™ line of drinks has no sugar or calories and all of their beverages have other ingredients like caffeine and 4 different B vitamins and ginseng to help boost your cognition and immune system. I switched from coffee to Monster Energy™ Zero Ultra™ a while back and I'm so glad I did. Since doing that I've been promoted at work, my step son started calling me Dad, and my lovely wife has seemed friskier in the evenings. Give it a shot, you have nothing to lose.

>> No.9440724

>>9437956
200mg caffeine
200 mg L-thianine
Perfect combo

>> No.9440737

>>9440693
How will you be able to tell which one wins? I thought about doing this, but the variability of all of my experimental design got in the way of having clear results. Plus I'd be dead, so i'd have to hire someone to interpret the results and I just don't trust anyone well enough.

>> No.9440766

>>9440737
This is a good point. I'm hoping for an ideal afterlife- that which I will be able to review all of my statistics. I will be able to see just how many times I've ate at burger king, exactly how much hot sauce I've consumed, the amount of times that I've stubbed my foot on a large bottle of hot sauce, the ratio of how much fake cheese I've eaten vs real cheese, how much I have shit throughout my life and so much more. My cause of death would obviously be included. I would spend the rest of eternity reviewing these statistics and be incredibly happy with the overload of information.

>> No.9441086

>>9437851
I have IBS but coffee doesn't make me shit

>> No.9441101

>>9440716
So instead of getting the shits, OP will heart arrhythmias instead.

>> No.9441110

>>9440488
>Asanagi style
My nigger

>> No.9441147

>>9437851
>like coffee
>like appetite suppression from caffeine
>don't like chemical dependency on a stimulant
What do lads? I only drink it about once a week currently

>> No.9441194

>>9437851
What does Emi have to do with you getting the shits? Is this post a vague reference to the anal scene?

>> No.9441195

>>9437862
Will I lose weight if I take it

>> No.9441196

>>9437851
Thats a good thing in my opinion.
Makes your shitting happen at the same time every morning.

>> No.9442132

>>9441194
s-sauce?

>> No.9442142

>>9437851
I drink coffee especially for the digestive benefits.

Of course, I can't be sure that it's the sweetener or the coffee. Sometimes my protein bar made with sweetener gives me runs but not all the time. Coffee with sweetener (or just coffee) ALWAYS makes me poop.

>> No.9442147

>>9437881
It's not caffeine that causes the poops.

>> No.9442166

I never get the shits when drinking coffee.

>> No.9442173

>>9437851
tfw you love all food and you're an alpha chad so you can pretty much eat whatever you want. my gut is rock solid and could probably digest raw salmonella infested chicken with no symptoms.

>> No.9442286

>>9437956
It is although not so much if you start building up immunity

>> No.9442308

I only get coffee shits after my first cup of the day. After that nothing happens.

>> No.9442339

>>9437956
I put a swiss miss packet in mine and like 5 thingies of sugar when I need it at work.

Still gross, but it's not liquid Satan anymore.

>> No.9442349

>>9440716
I'd say this, but Monster is fucking expensive.

>> No.9442362

>>9442173
Unironically the same, ate at an Indian food joint, and all of my friends got sick for days while I went back for seconds that night, the only thing that really gives me the shits is if I eat non stop sweet shit

It's nice to have a chad stomach

>> No.9442380

>>9441194
Katawa Shoujo. It is VN featuring girls with disabilities. In Emi's case she has no shins. There are sex scenes, but they are pretty softcore.

>> No.9442395

>there are people on this site that dont know about KS
>when there are 3 banners

>> No.9442428

>>9442395
>There probably will never be another VN like it
>KS will always have an Undertale/JoJo fandom
I just want to play it for the first time again, mang.

>> No.9442593

>>9440716
stop posting this shitty, cancer meme
you must be 18 or older to post on 4chan.

>> No.9442620

>>9441194
JAM IT IN

>> No.9442741

>>9440766
that would be cool

>> No.9443809

>>9441101
>that KS reference
kek

>> No.9444145

>>9437851
I had this problem when I first started drinking coffee. while it still makes me have to poop, I no longer get the toilet bombs I once did.

>> No.9446021

>>9441086
Pretty sure I have IBS and I always feel my guts bubbling when drinking my first cup. Usually go up and explode on the toilet afterwards, loose as fuck.