/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.9323743]

ITT: Times you were LITERALLY the Joker with food/ in the kitchen

>go to snack on pistachios
>decide to preshell a bowl of shelled pistachios then eat them (bc I am so random!)
>eat 2 then don't feel like having anymore

[Anonymous No.9323756]

>>9323743
I left the kitchen without turning the light off.

[Anonymous No.9323767]

>>9323756
moms gonna freak!

[Anonymous No.9323771]

>recipe says preheat oven
>I don't

[Anonymous No.9323792]

>>9323743
Once I went to McDonald's and took at least 4 packets of salt and an extra straw

[Anonymous No.9323800]

>>9323771
You monster

[Anonymous No.9323801]

>>9323743
>Be me, working as a saute cook in an Italian restaurant
>Have to work with a fuckwit just promoted from dish named Jay-Tizzle
>Jay-Tizzle thinks he's the shit, goes commando every day
>Kitchen Manager gets tired of seeing hairy ass-crack every time he turns around
>SchoolsInSession.exe
>KM lays in wait with squeeze bottle of olive oil
>Butthole detected
>Greasy stream lubes up his Jay-Tizzle's ass like he was your dad at a massage parlor
>Owner thinks it's hilarious, makes Jay-Tizzle finish his shift with a greasy ass
>Never have to look at hairy man-crack at work again.

[Anonymous No.9323811]

>>9323801
So how were you the joker in this shit story?

[Anonymous No.9323821]

>made spaghetti
>made sauce that was awesome
>forgot about the spaghetti and just eat all the sauce

[Anonymous No.9323830]

>someone asks for salt
>hand them white sugar

[Anonymous No.9323834]

>>9323811
I wasn't. It was funny as hell watching him squirm and be all pissy about his greasy butthole all night though.

[Anonymous No.9323845]

>supposed to chop onion
>dice it instead

[Anonymous No.9323846]

>really like a youtube recipe & video
>dislike it

[Anonymous No.9323859]

>tell mommy her food was alright
>I actually loved it

[Anonymous No.9323861]

>recipe calls for a roux
>use cream cheese

[Anonymous No.9324234]

>>9323771
>recipe says to preheat the oven
>post heat it instead

[Anonymous No.9324310]

>>9323743
>pan frying bacon
>completely naked because it's so hot
>grease flying all over my chest and genitals
>0 fucks given
>eat bacon directly out of the pan, fuck plates

[Anonymous No.9324315]

>be Jared Leto
>cook

[Anonymous No.9324340]

>go to imageboard for food and cooking
>shitpost instead

[Anonymous No.9324373]

>>9324234
GO IN OFF THE RAILS ON A CRAZY TRAIN

[Anonymous No.9324378]

I ate candy before dinner once

Get edged fags

[Anonymous No.9324384]

>>9323743
Sparse amount of food stuffs available. For a rare occasion I'm too lazy to go get fast food. Cut up hotdog, rip up American cheese, crumble Doritos. Heat up. Feel sick for the rest of the day.

[Anonymous No.9324388]

>mommy tells me to go to bed
>she doesn't know I have a toaster oven and mini freezer filled with tendies in my closet
PUSH IT TO THE LIMIT
WALK ALONG THE RAZOR'S EDGE

[Anonymous No.9324397]

>>9323743
>mum can I have a biscuit I'm hungry!
>no you'll ruin your dinner, if your hungry you can have a piece of fruit
>I ate a single grape

[Anonymous No.9324520]

>>9323743
Oh man i loved this version of the joker. Be was litterally me. I do a lot of crazy shit in the kitchen.
I often make things extra spicey. I use a lot of garlic and onions. It can get intense really quick. Sometimes ill just invent new dishes while im cooking.
When i make rice i usually use chicken stock instead of water. Whenever peopel see me cooking they 360 and walk away because they are afraid of disturbing me while im "in the zone" hahahahaha

[Anonymous No.9324526]

>gotta put onions in my nongshim
>cut with flat side of blade, fingers reinforcing on sharp side
>bleed into pot, throw out onions

[Anonymous No.9324527]

>recipe calls for 2tbsp olive oil
>use vegetable oil instead

[Anonymous No.9324531]

>>9324388
Where'd you get those fine-looking chicken parts?

[Anonymous No.9324542]

>recipe says to cook onions on medium heat
>use medium high

[Anonymous No.9324568]

>bake frozen pizza with cardboard still under it
>get authentic wood-fired taste in mere minutes

[Anonymous No.9324577]

>>9324527
my nigga

[Anonymous No.9324602]

>>9324527
>tfw Bill is Bobby's father
My entire childhood is a lie

[Anonymous No.9324654]

>>9323743
>season a non stick pan

[Anonymous No.9324662]

YOU.
FUCKING.
FFFAAAAAAGGGGGOOOOOOTTTTTSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How in the FUCK does ANY of this STUPID SHIT make you the JOKER? Oh my fucking god you underage faggots need to DIE

[Anonymous No.9324679]

>>9324662
>doesn't yet grasp the concept of irony
>calls other people underage
You're either around 13, or severely autistic.

[Anonymous No.9324702]

>>9324662
is this clever metairony or are you just this stupid?

[Anonymous No.9324704]

>recipe calls for green bell peppers
>use red bell peppers instead

[Anonymous No.9324708]

fuck off /b/tards

[Anonymous No.9324709]

>>9324527
NOW THAT'S A SPICY MEATBALL

[Anonymous No.9324720]

>preserve tomato halve
>in onion-half container

[Anonymous No.9324728]

>recipe says to use 2 clove of garlic
>use 3

[Anonymous No.9324732]

>>9323743
I blew up my house because I left the oven on for a week while I went on holiday
>i'm a wild card

[Anonymous No.9324762]

>>9324679
>>9324702
You call ME stupid when you don't even use the word "irony" correctly???? You call ME autistic when this thread is the most autistic thing I've ever fucking seen on this board? This is not even Reddit humor. Not even YouTube nor Facebook nor Instagram nor pissing PINTEREST humor. This is CRACKED.COM COMMENTS SECTION FAGGOTRY. If you can't see that, you are FUCKING DELUSIONAL.

[Anonymous No.9324770]

>>9324762
M E T A ~ A F
E
T
A
~
A
F

[Anonymous No.9324789]

>>9324762
> in its broadest sense, is a rhetorical device, literary technique, or event in which what appears, on the surface, to be the case, differs radically from what is actually the case.
seems like he used the word irony correctly to me, since you dont seem to grasp the irony of the thread.
did you just assume he'd be wrong becasue people switch up sarcasm and irony all the time.
also what do you think are signs of autism, a poor sense of humour isn't one of them. extreme emotional responses to situations most people would easily cope with on the other hand.

[Anonymous No.9324835]

>>9323743
>look up vegetarian recipes
>replace tofu with chicken

[Anonymous No.9324836]

>>9324762
Dude, don't do this. There are too many people who are going to think you're serious and start acting like that non ironically.

[Anonymous No.9324856]

>>9324602
... fuck, i never thought of that.

[Anonymous No.9324952]

One time I put two sliced red peppers on my cheeks and screamed at my cat "why so serious"

[Anonymous No.9325620]

>>9324762
Teach me your supreme ways of metahumour pls daddy

[Anonymous No.9325625]

>>9324520
Fuck yeah

[Anonymous No.9325658]

>dine in at mcdonalds
>order lunch and desert
>"and to drink?"
>"no drink"

[Anonymous No.9325716]

>>9324602
Theres no actual proof of this.
>muh tv conspiracy!

[Anonymous No.9325729]

>at restaurant
>order coke
>"Is Pepsi OK?"
>i say yes even though it isn't ok
SOMEBODY STOP ME

[Anonymous No.9325785]

>>9323834
Okay, but did you fuck?

[Anonymous No.9325803]

>I sliced my mouth licking off a spoon

[Anonymous No.9325904]

>>9323743
>Spilled some milk on the floor
>Let the dog lap it up instead of cleaning it

SOMEBODY STOP ME

[Anonymous No.9326237]

>cut into a new onion to put on a sandwich
>cut one slice
>throw the rest away

ONE NOTHING WRONG WITH ME

[Anonymous No.9326254]

>>9324568
Chuckled

[Anonymous No.9326619]

>recipe calls for one big onion
>use two small onions

[Anonymous No.9327092]

>>9324662
>>9324762

[Anonymous No.9327345]

>>9323792
Did this with milk by the coffee machine at the corner store next day they had nothing
THEY LAUGH AT ME BECAUSE IM DIFFERENT, I LAUGH AT THEM BECAUSE THEYRE ALL THE SAME

[Anonymous No.9327354]

>"put in oven for 20 minutes at 425 degrees"
>actually put it in for 18 minutes at 435