Jewish recipes

[Anonymous No.9252179]

Some friends of my gf are coming to visit and they are Jews. I want to surprise them and attempt some classics. They are pretty traditional but are not insisting on kosher, so I'm guessing they aren't orthodox? Either way I've been told they would really appreciate the effort, so, jewish recipes please. Whatever you have and any tips would be appreciated.

[Anonymous No.9252194]

[Anonymous No.9252224]

>>9252179
Matzo balls are the classic, another common dish is brisket, if you wanna get really ambitious you could try to make corned beef or pastrami.

[Anonymous No.9252234]

>>9252194

Did you get lost on your way to /pol/?

[Anonymous No.9252249]

>>9252224

I have ordered some Matzo Meal, hopefully I can find a decent recipe. Brisket sounds doable too, but I doubt I have the skill for corned beef etc. Cheers for the suggestions.

[Anonymous No.9252265]

>>9252249
For matzo balls you also need chicken fat, for the brisket my family has recipe using onion soup mix that's pretty good I don't have it exactly but you could probably find it.

[Anonymous No.9252272]

>>9252234
>implying you have to be /pol/ in order to hate kikes.

[Anonymous No.9252298]

>>9252179
You can't go wrong with a roast chicken. I think traditional jewish recipes incorporate lots of garlic. Honestly if I were cooking a meal for my Jewish family I would do a roast chicken, a fruit dish, some kind of vegetable kugel, and maybe a challah

[Anonymous No.9252326]

>>9252179
Can't go wrong with a decently prepared brisket...follow that up with an overtly outragious bill for the dinner...the jews will feel right at home...

[Anonymous No.9252330]

>>9252179
Definitely get a challah

[Anonymous No.9252334]

>>9252179
you need the blood of a vigrin boy taken on a full moon
thats the secret to jewish food

[Anonymous No.9252354]

>>9252179

Why would you want to make Jewish food for them? They are Jews, they eat that shit all the time. Also, you won't get the recipe right for the first time most probably, so you are giving them inferior food as well. Try something that is not too extreme from your area, maybe make something international for a backup.

[Anonymous No.9252358]

>>9252334
Make sure he's Palestinian

[Anonymous No.9252659]

>>9252272
So true

[Anonymous No.9252674]

A baby's forskin served in its own blood sauce

[Anonymous No.9252683]

>>9252179
Take one Jew
Throw in oven
Turn gas on high
Bake until tender

If more than one Jew is coming over, repeat as necessary.

[Anonymous No.9252698]

>>9252354

I did think this initially. But the gf seems to think it will be well recieved. It's just for the first night, then it's over to the less extreme local fayre.

Great suggestions, from people. Thanks!

[Anonymous No.9252733]

>>9252179
You should make crab cakes and pork rolls.

[Anonymous No.9252739]

>>9252683

[Anonymous No.9252762]

Whatever you're making, be sure to incorporate pork and shellfish, Jews love that stuff. But don't tell them until after they've eaten. Makes for an extra pleasant surprise!

[Anonymous No.9252834]

Well, looks like this thread turned out just like you expected since you had 2 ideal /pol/tard triggers: jews and gf.

For an appetizer, I'd suggest lox with lavash, chopped boiled egg, onions and capers. It's salmon season so you could cure a wildcaught sockeye fillet in 24 hours and make your own lavash. I have recipes for both, but since this is just a /pol/tard bait thread, I doubt I'll post them.

[Anonymous No.9252923]

>>9252179
You should tell them that there will be bacon at your house.

[Anonymous No.9252941]

Your salad, sir.

[Anonymous No.9252961]

Bagels

[Anonymous No.9253568]

>>9252179
are they observant? if, so are you going to kasher your kitchen? are all ingredients kosher certified?

[Anonymous No.9254612]

Roast chicken is the simplest and best option. I personally hate matzah but it does fit well into the dinner plan. I think the best dessert would be a simple fruit salad.

[Anonymous No.9254615]

>>9252834
It's called smoked salmon and Armenian bread.

[Anonymous No.9254634]

>>9252179
>they are Jews
>I want to surprise them

[Anonymous No.9254885]

>>9252179
Jews would expect their guest to dish out the finest, they're modern but traditionalists at heart. I made a list for you, pick what you feel comfortable preparing for them.
Shrimp & lobster
BBQ some burgers, but don't be a cheapass, melt some cheese on every burger and make sure there's bacon ontop melted into the cheese
Mussels as appetizers
Pork chops
Crabs
Steak, get some good quality steak, slather it in butter before grilling and after, jews love fatty foods, they love schmaltz
and one final thing, slather everything in real butter, no cheap mass produced super market brand butter or margarine.

[Anonymous No.9254904]

>>9252194
>>9252334
>>9252358
>>9252674
>>9252683
>>9252733
>>9252739
>>9252762
>>9252923
>>9252941
>>9252961
>>9254634
>>9254885

You can always count on the redneck humor to be not funny.

Pic from Sammy's in NYC.

[Anonymous No.9254926]

>>9254904
I'm in NYC you hick!

[Anonymous No.9254934]

>>9254904
>redneck humor
I wonder who's the retard in this equation lmao

[Anonymous No.9254936]

>>9254904
Wrong. Sarge's Deli goy.

[Anonymous No.9254940]

>>9254904
Some of it was funny. The reason Jews are easy to make fun of is that there's a bunch of them that think you're not a real Jew unless you abuse women and you have a cow and burn down your house if your vegetable spoon touches your milk spoon.

Sammy's would probably be considered on the same level as a McDonalds lobster roll with a Hamas logo toasted into the bun to someone living in Kiryas Joel. Women freely mingling with men. Food hasn't been kept away from the filthy hands of goyim from the moment it was harvested, and so on.

[Anonymous No.9254955]

>>9254904
>redneck humor
LOL nigger you know nobody likes jews right? I know people from all countries and colours that hate jews. :)
You are the dumbest person ITT t b h.

[Anonymous No.9254961]

>>9254955

Fuck off back to >>>/pol/

[Anonymous No.9254963]

>>9254955
Guessing he either lives in one of those self-segregated places like Boro Park, or he lives in a place where there just aren't any Jews at all, like flyover land.

[Anonymous No.9254971]

>>9254961
Fuck off back to >>>/Reddit/

[Anonymous No.9255006]

>>9254904
its actually a historic reference but you can always count on liberal pseudo intelectuals not to get them

[Anonymous No.9255008]

I recommend that you make a normal dish that does not use matzoh - jewish people hate matzoh! they are forced into eating this for a fucking month every year! make things that can be made with normal ingredients like latkes, google "kosher style". In my experience Jewish people just eat the same dishes, just no pork products and no dairy cooked with meat (so you cannot butter fry onions for a beef brisket soup for example).

[Anonymous No.9255027]

>>9255008
This, I'm israelie and matzah is balls out disgusting. Try for some Jachnun if it's on Saturday, it's delicious and not hard to make (requires overnight cooking though).

[Anonymous No.9255032]

>>9252330
>>9255008
Also completely forget this! Challa will be important. Maybe some salad too, but try for a more israelie style (most families I know go bell pepper, tomatoes, cucumber, little bit of parsley. Top with lemon juice and salt and a little bit of olive oil.)

[Anonymous No.9255202]

>>9255027
Possibly because Matzahs traditionally should have gentile blood in them.

Fucking jews.

[Anonymous No.9255205]

>>9252834

You've been on here too long, you've become hypervigilent.

Why does this have to be /pol/bait? It was intended to be /ck/ bait, for actual recipes. I've happened to catch a few /pol/acks whilst I'm fishing. So what? It's to be expected, I'm ignoring it. Seen it all before.

Having a gf with Jewish friends is a perfectly reasonable scenario. If I wanted to Jew bait /pol/ I'd go to /pol/. Nothing gets them going more.

Post the recipes please.

>>9255008

I've noted the Matzoh thing, Cheers.

Some good suggestions. Plenty to look in to.

[Anonymous No.9255209]

>>9255205
>Why does this have to be /pol/bait?

1) Every "jew" thread is polbait.
2) The question doesn't even make any sense. Why would a visitor want to eat a poorly-made imitation of "home food". Fuck no, you serve visitors whatever is local/special to your area.

[Anonymous No.9255212]

>>9252179
don't spend too much

[Anonymous No.9255213]

>>9254961
Youre on the wrong side of the internet Shlomo.
(Most jewish food is basically palestinian food or eastern europe food they just straight up said "this is jewish food now" just like their names in hollywood and back in the day in germany)

[Anonymous No.9255219]

>>9255205
Because you are a retard for wanting to make jewish food for jewish people when they come.
For what fucking reason, they know jewish food.
Just serve whats regional, in season and is a classic food of the area.

Fucking mong,

Also, letting jews into your household, this time and year.
dumb

[Anonymous No.9255223]

>>9255205
SEEEEEEEETHING
You are so fucking mad right now nigger. :DDDD

[Anonymous No.9255225]

>>9255219
OP is a cuck.

[Anonymous No.9255228]

>>9255219

Fucking this. Nobody on vacation wants to eat a poorly-made imitation of what they normally eat. Get your guests something new and different. Make whatever YOU cook well, or whatever is special in your area.

[Anonymous No.9255236]

>>9252179
My personal experiences with Jews tells me that you should probably just dish up some bacon cheeseburgers with a Palestinian flair, served with a tall frosty can of Zyklon-B.

... Ok, fine, so that depends on whether or not they fit the Jewish Princess paradigm, but they're all told from a very young age that they're "God's chosen people," and the women tend to act like it.

[Anonymous No.9255239]

>>9255209

You obviously have never tried to make anybody feel welcome or learn anything new.

Keep your poorly made shit to yourself. I happen to be an excellent cook. Might not be like their family homecooking, but It's for one night only and I'd like to learn. The rest of the time we're eating local.

[Anonymous No.9255247]

>>9255239
You are seriously the most estrogent ridden poster ive seen in a while, i cant put my finger on it but every letter you write oozes numale with glasses and flanell shirt,

[Anonymous No.9255250]

>>9255032

Thank you. Not too different from a salad I make anyway. Sounds nice!

[Anonymous No.9255259]

Jewish food = arab food

Basically the same with a few differences.

Fuck Israeli food, eastern europe jewish food is where its at.

[Anonymous No.9255260]

>>9255239
>You obviously have never tried to make anybody feel welcome

You don't need to attempt to approximate home to make people feel welcome. You can extend hospitality without trying to copy home. And speaking as someone who travels a lot, the LAST thing I want is for someone to make me "home". Make what you like, not what you think I want.

>>or learn anything new.
You can experiment with learning new cuisines without serving them to your guests.

>>I happen to be an excellent cook.
Nobody was insinuating you weren't. The point is:
1) Even if you're an amazing cook, your first time making new food is likely to be mediocre. Why foist that upon a guest?
2) The last thing a guest would want is the same food as home. Cook them one of your personal dishes--something they'd only get from you.

[Anonymous No.9255265]

>>9255247

Might be because I'm female. Biologically.

Muh degenerates.

[Anonymous No.9255268]

>>9255202
Huh? Never heard of that. Matzah is bad because it's flavorless and hard. Matzah Ball soup is delicious, and Matzah Briach too, but why would you make then when it's not Passover?

[Anonymous No.9255272]

>>9252272
this

[Anonymous No.9255275]

>>9254904
>im not jewish but im offended on their behalf
ty anonymous liberal hero

[Anonymous No.9255295]

>>9255260

Some decent points. I might just make something local and ask the wife if she'd mind showing me how to make something.

[Anonymous No.9255324]

>>9255247

Did you just assume OP's gender! :O

Ruuuuuuuuuuuun!

[Anonymous No.9255425]

I really like cabbage rolls, but I hate how long they take to make them right. I can get them down to 4 hours, but not any quicker. Also, they're a bit insuffereable to make in the heat.

https://motherwouldknow.com/jewish-stuffed-cabbage/

[Anonymous No.9255507]

>>9255268
google "blood libel" idk why it is such an enduring bullshit bait.

[Anonymous No.9255575]

>>9255507
>>>/pol/ >>>/x/

[Anonymous No.9255579]

Latkes are always a hit and super easy once you get the hang of it. The key is really getting as much moisture as possible out of the potatoes before forming the batter. They also give the advantage of being able to customize to your cooking style. I think it's always cool to cook one of the classics and put your own personal spin on it.

Brisket is also pretty easy. It's always better smoked but a slow oven roast sliced thin on rye is just fine too.

[Anonymous No.9255990]

>>9252179
...Seriously? No one? I guess its up to me.

OY VEY GOYIM.

[Anonymous No.9256309]

>>9255239
The Jews, they love Chinese FOOD, make them some Chinese food or just order Chinese take-out.

[Anonymous No.9256408]

>>9255205
Ok, I'll post the recipes for lox and lavash.

Lox
2 very fresh sockeye salmon side, pin bones removed
1 cup kosher salt
1 cup brown sugar
1 bunch fresh dill
Grated lemon peel
Mix salt and sugar. Coat both sides of each filet rubbing it in. Sprinkle lemon peel over one side of each filet. Lay dill on one filet. Cover with other filet. Wrap tightly in plastic wrap. Put in shallow container with a few pounds weight on top (canned goods, beans in a plastic bag, etc.). Keep in refrigerator 24 hours. Rinse well and slice very thinly. If you have the setup you can cold smoke it, but it's excellent without smoking. You can do only 1 filet, just halve the salt and sugar.

Lavash
14 oz AP flour
1/4 cup sesame seeds
1 tsp salt
1 egg
2 Tbs melted butter
2/3 cups water
Mix salt, sesame seeds and flour. Add egg, butter and water. Mix until it comes together. Knead 4 minutes. Cover and rest 30 minutes while preheating oven to 375F. Roll out strips as thin as you'd like (I like a thin cracker like consistency so I roll out to 4 on my pasta machine) and place on lightly oiled cookie sheets. Bake 16-18 minutes until lightly browned like my previous pic.

[Anonymous No.9256478]

>>9256408

Brilliant. Cheers for sharing, I'll keep these handy.

[Anonymous No.9256542]

Can't go wrong with some challah bread and schmaltz.

[Anonymous No.9258131]

>>9256542
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHA

dipshit

[Anonymous No.9258148]

>>9252272
So you're a Muslim then?

[Anonymous No.9258257]

>>9255032
Here's an actual recipe. I got it from my grandmother. She's not Jewish but she has a lot of jew friends.

Pic related, it's one of my attempts at this recipe.

[Anonymous No.9258264]

>>9258257
Dammit, forgot the recipe.

3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, plus
1 (2 tsp) package dry yeast
1 egg, beaten
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/2 tablespoon salt
1/3 cup sugar
1 cup warm water (80 -90)
Glaze: 1 egg, beaten

Directions:

1. First measure out all your ingredients.
2. Now from the 1/3 of cup sugar take 1 tablespoon of the sugar & combine it with the yeast & warm water (you know you have the right temperature of warm water when it's warn to the touch). This is called "proofing the yeast"
3. After the yeast has dissolved (it's nice & foamy) add to it the rest of the sugar, salt & 1 1/2 cups flour.
4. Mix well.
5. Add egg (already beaten) & oil.
6. Slowly start mixing in most of the remaining flour. The dough will become quite thick. When the dough pulls away from the sides of the bowl, turn it onto a floured surface & knead for approximately 10 minute.
7. Add only enough additional flour to make dough manageable. Knead until dough is smooth & elastic, springing back when pressed lightly with your fingertip.
8. Place dough into a large oiled bowl turning the dough once so its oiled on all sides.
9. Cover with a damp towel & let rise in a warm place for 2 hours, punching down in 4-5 places every 20 minutes. After the 2 hours, turn your dough onto your working surface.
10. Prepare your baking sheet by oiling it.
Preheat oven to 375ḞF.
11. Next, cut the dough into thirds.
Roll each third out till its about 10-12 inches (I'm guessing I never measured it) & loosely braid all 3 roll together pinching the top & bottom half together& turning them slightly under.
12. Place on baking sheet.
13. Now let the challah rise for 1/2 an hour or until approx. doubled.
14. After the challah has risen glaze with beaten egg.
15. Put in preheated oven & let bake for exactly 25 minutes. Turn off oven and let sit in oven for exactly 10 min or 200 deg on insta read thermometer.
16. Remove from oven.

source: http://www.food.com/recipe/famous-challah-90765#ixzz1unFzuNat

[Anonymous No.9258341]

>>9258257
>>9258264

That recipe sounds pretty good and the cross section looks alright. But braid that shit or else you look like a goy.

[Anonymous No.9258348]

>>9258341
Normally I do but I made a loaf that time because I made BLTs with it. I have no pics of my braided loaves though.

[Anonymous No.9258692]

>>9252179
>this whole thread
>no one suggests Bacon Cheeseburgers

honestly i'm not sure if i'm proud or disapointed

[Anonymous No.9258754]

its basically eastern euro food but also try makin em matzo brei

real comfort food shit right there