alc/ck

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alc/ck Anonymous Fri Mar 24 02:38:09 2017 No.8724496 [Reply] [Original]

ITT: things you regret you've done while drinking

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 02:41:54 2017 No.8724503 Got into a fist fight and exploded diarrhoea all over some guy's bathroom. Both on the same night. Was too embarrassed to see those people ever again so deleted my facebook, changed my number and dropped off the face of the earth.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 02:42:07 2017 No.8724506 opened your thread

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 02:43:53 2017 No.8724512 >>8724496 Sent a text to a girl I knew and didn't even like offering to bang her. Would not have fucked her sober, thankfully she declined.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 02:45:26 2017 No.8724513 blackout tales: woke up in a pile of leaves in a stranger's lawn 3 blocks from my house pissed in my closet having mistaken it for the bathroom

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 02:49:08 2017 No.8724523 >>8724496 Accidentally fucked my best friends wife. I'm pretty sure her son is mine too but its probably a little late to say anything.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 02:50:40 2017 No.8724527 puking and shitting my trousers at the bus-stop at 4am went into an alley and wiped my ass with snow. walked around freezing for half an hour and ordered a taxi. I hope he didn't smell me from the back

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 02:53:34 2017 No.8724533 >>8724523 some friend you are

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 02:54:50 2017 No.8724537 >>8724496 Hit on my best friend's girlfriend with him in the room. Next morning I didn't even remember it happening and had no idea why they suddenly hated me.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 02:57:05 2017 No.8724541 Jizzed on my friends older sister while she was sleeping...

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 02:59:15 2017 No.8724544 >>8724533 >Accidentally Learn to read. He is probably infertile and the kid is nice so I did him a favor.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 03:04:03 2017 No.8724549
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Got invited to a party by my best friend. Place is packed, rivers of booze and kush a plenty. Toasted and feeling great. After all the guests leave my best friend pulls me aside and tells me his girlfriend wants to have a go at me.

And so, according to them I fucked her brains out while he watched and jerked off.

We don't talk much anymore. Last time I went over she was giving me bedroom eyes and it sent shivers up my spine.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 03:04:13 2017 No.8724550 >>8724544 whatever you need to rationalize being a shitty friend.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 03:04:38 2017 No.8724553
File: 286 KB, 940x670, 20170315_045210.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>8724496

>get shitfaced
>drive 1/5th mile to the gasstation to get more beer at 2am
>near blackout
>see commercial advertising croissant donut from dunkin donuts
>"I've seen those at apple pie bakery cafe down the road a few weeks ago."
>decide to get back into my car, drive to the CIA campus, park in visitors parking and walk into Roth Hall to get something to eat
>am baking class in session
>staggering drunk push my way through group of people to get to something sweet to eat
>walk through the dining room of apple pie bakery cafe, knocking jars of apple butter, honey and tea all over the place
>at this point im emotional because no croissant donut, fucked my whole trip up
>get back to car, start driving past farq hall to main exit
>security douche blocking exit
>stop, ask what the problem is
>"our security footage shows you tossing the cafe around, wait here."
>lolno, reverse into some bushes, drive across grass to get to exit road
>run redlight to get to backroads of Hyde Park back to my apartment
>all of this caught on camera
>get home, black out
>wake up pounding on my door
>answer the door, its the police
>police say they hace video of my vehicle leaving the scene of those crimes
>"i was here all night, my roommate had my car."
>ask to see roommate, no such person exists, tell them he went home for the weekend
>they leave saying they'll be back Monday
>didn't come back Monday
>tfw lifetime ban from CIA campus
>tfw no more delicious yumyums right down the road

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 03:08:07 2017 No.8724557

>>8724496
Puked on the headmistress of a semi-exclusive girls school, made out with aa fat chick in front of erryone and then abused the medical staff who were only trying to help me.

All in the same night and all on my first experience with significant quantities of alcohol. I was 14. Hardly touched booze for nother 4 years.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 03:09:24 2017 No.8724559 >>8724496 pissed in friends basement drain, blamed it on the dog

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 03:13:19 2017 No.8724572 >>8724496 I bit off a black girl's nipple/areola. I was really drunk.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 03:14:53 2017 No.8724578 >>8724549 And I should mention On a scale of 1 ( Andrea Dworkin nude) to 10 (Kylie Jenner covered in baby oil) his girlfriend was a 2 (Rachel Dratch)

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 03:23:23 2017 No.8724598
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As a serious-as-dog-dirt alcoholic who was fairly functional for a time, I have a ton of regret stories, but most are just cringe or depressing. You have to understand, I was so physically addicted that withdrawal symptoms began if I didn't drink for just a few hours. But here's a funny blackout story:

>spring 2012
>somewhat drunk from wake to pass out every day
>fired from previous job, need new one
>fairly new acquaintance works for hotel chain
>hasn't noticed I'm always sauced so she used her pull to land me an interview for a desk clerk position
>don't want to risk interviewer noticing liquor on my breath or mask it with smelly breath
>score some valiums
>day of interview comes
>forget not to get drunk
>clean mouth as best I can and take valiums anyway
>world goes black
>wake up next day pissed at myself for missing interview
>roommate: ..."Dawg, I took you there on time. You seemed okay."
>WUT
>call acquaintance who got me interview
>she mad
>reads off interviewer's notes to me
>"arrived apparently intoxicated"
>"claimed he is applying for GM position"
>"loudly announced he has 'worked in the hotel business for over forty years'"
>"announced that we 'can't afford his services after all' and walked out flashing middle fingers"
>acquaintance tells me never to use her as a reference again
>too embarrassed to face her anyway

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 03:37:20 2017 No.8724633 >>8724578 >I regret getting raped. I would too.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 03:41:04 2017 No.8724639 >>8724523 that's the kind of mistake you want to have

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 03:46:52 2017 No.8724649 >>8724553 I don't understand what makes people get into the drivers seat after drinking

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 03:50:02 2017 No.8724657 Strangled a friend. Fucked a male friend in the ass. All the times I've vomited.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 03:53:41 2017 No.8724665 >>8724496 drinking i only remember drinking

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 03:57:24 2017 No.8724670 Made out with my gay friend.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 03:58:27 2017 No.8724672 >>8724670 Since you are now a faggot that is just your friend now. You don't have to label him anymore.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 04:00:37 2017 No.8724675 >>8724553 >decide to get back into my car, drive to the CIA campus, park in visitors parking and walk into Roth Hall to get something to eat Don't you need a security clearance to even get near there? I thought they don't give those to alcoholics.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 04:01:20 2017 No.8724678 >>8724553 Ahh, that CIA.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 04:02:27 2017 No.8724679 >>8724675 It's the Culinary Institute of America. I was wondering the same thing. I also assumed it was a series of businesses that were outside of the main building that they were calling a "campus"

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 04:03:04 2017 No.8724680 >>8724675 80 percent of the faculty wouldn't be able to go to work if that was the case.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 04:03:24 2017 No.8724681 Nothing. O've drank with 1 friend and other than that I had a kid from it, which I did a tad bit regret, but 7 years later it's great . So, eh, yeah nothing. Wait, masturbating to things I shouldn't. I regret those times.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 04:05:17 2017 No.8724684 >>8724681 >I regret those times. Unless you think the CIA is going to break down your door, why?

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 04:06:20 2017 No.8724687 https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/at-cia-starbucks-even-the-baristas-are-covert/2014/09/27/5a04cd28-43f5-11e4-9a15-137aa0153527_story.html?utm_term=.1c44abba3009 Also fun cia starbucks on real campus story. Who knows, could be made up.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 04:06:21 2017 No.8724688

>>8724496

Woke up in a psych ward in a hospital. Apparently I was trying to get into my house, someone thought I was breaking in, cop came, and I told him I was going to hurt myself so he wouldn't take me to jail. Woke up surrounded by crazy people in an overcrowded hospital ward. Had to explain that I wasn't suicidal. QT nurse too. I was trying to get out of handcuffs too and I couldn't feel my thumbs completely for a month.

Also cheated on the woman I love. She dumped me eventually for other reasons. 6 of the happiest years of my life. She deserves better. I was out of control for a while.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 04:17:19 2017 No.8724701 I've pissed myself about 3 times sleeping in the 6 years I've been drinking, probably one of the lowest of my lows even though no one else knows about it. Lowest low would be peeing on the carpet in my SOs living room

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 04:25:12 2017 No.8724711 >>8724684 Moral reasons is all. I give no fucks about what man or a government can do to me; I incriminate myself to the fullest extent.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 04:41:36 2017 No.8724730 >>8724649 >need more beer / burgers / only going a few miles / losing control of my life

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 04:42:42 2017 No.8724732

>>8724649

Having gone to that school, knowing that the LCS janitor staff are lazy Mexicans that steal entire showcases of leftover pastries...leaving them on racks in the hallways of Roth Hall, I assumed I could just walk in, take a bunch of half stake sweets and leave without being noticed. Silly drunk me.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 04:45:14 2017 No.8724739 >>8724537 Not to my best friend, but I constantly do this to another friend's gf. We all get that it's just playing around.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 04:53:48 2017 No.8724748 >>8724496 stopped.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 04:55:41 2017 No.8724751 >>8724572 y are u not in prison? that is like severe assault - mutilating someone.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:01:04 2017 No.8724756 >>8724496 letting a black chick suck my dick

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:02:55 2017 No.8724762 >>8724523 How does this happen on accident exactly? How is she accidentally not on birth control?

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:06:40 2017 No.8724766 >>8724496 Had sex with my step sister. I wasn't even that drunk.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:09:03 2017 No.8724768 >>8724766 How was it?

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:11:48 2017 No.8724772 >>8724768 Pretty amazing.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:13:57 2017 No.8724777 >>8724772 Damn, now I'm jealous.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:18:28 2017 No.8724782 >>8724598 hahahahahahhahahah i love you man

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:19:17 2017 No.8724786 I regularly ruin keyboards by getting blackout drunk at my PC and filling them with rum I've given up on having a nice mechanical keyboard and just use a shitty cheap one with a membrane that makes it easy to clean.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:28:30 2017 No.8724796 At a St Patrick's day party last week I drank a shit ton and puked on my shoes, then in the uber home, and was out for the count the whole day after The thought of whiskey makes me want to puke now

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:28:33 2017 No.8724797

>get black out drunk at my house
>dad is home making dinner
>asks me if I want some food
>tell him "no, but I'll have something else of yours" (I'm straight)
>he apparently asks me what the hell I'm talking about
>I say "I want your dick and I want to call you daddy"
>he throws scolding hot bolognese all over me
>I start screaming and run out of the house with scolding hot bolognese all over my face / body
>wake up 12 hours later in a bush at the park near me house
>walk home and ask dad what the hell happened
>he tells me
>leave and get a hotel for a week thinking about the direction I'm taking my life

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:30:34 2017 No.8724802
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Drove drunk, shit-faced drunk only one time and it will be the last time ever
>be in college
>go to blacklight party
>it's actually insane
>get really comfortable and start beer bonging at an alarming pace
>cops come, guy who was going to DD in my car disappears for no good reason
>it's still early and my friend is bartending a few towns over
>practically blackout drunk already, driving like a maniac
>topping my car out on the highway, 115-120 mph
>get to bar in like 15 minutes, should have been more like 40
>walk into small country bar in white T-shirts covered in highlighter and wearing a bunch of glowing shit
>I'm only 18 but getting served
>drinks are 70/30 alcohol to mixer
>police station right across the street
>decide to bail
>way too fuck drunk, actually can't see straight
>have to pull over and puke, so paranoid
>make it home I guess, vow to never drive drunk again
>mfw I realize what I'd done the next morning

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:38:36 2017 No.8724813 >>8724802 >it will be the last time ever Please stick to this m8. It's not worth it ever

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:40:21 2017 No.8724815

Done a few stupid things drinking before I became a full blown al/ck/, highlight was hooking up with my girlfriends friend when we were all out together. Granted I was going to break up with her, but that was not the best solution.

Now I tend to just drink on my own, so stupid stuff is limited to saying stupid things to people on facebook / text. I try to stick to vidya and shitposting here so no recent stories.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:42:46 2017 No.8724817

A few nights ago I got really fucked up and decided to go to the 24 hour shot round the corner for some food at like 4am. I vaguely remember being in there and falling over taking a display with me. When I woke up there was no evidence of food so I assume I was thrown out.

Guess I won't be going back there.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:44:17 2017 No.8724819 Accidently went to a gaybar, ended up getting a bj on the street. Some idiot called the cops, but they where cool about it. Oh, I'm not gay btw.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:46:00 2017 No.8724821 I used to drive drunk quite a bit. Also, almost every fight I've been in is because I was being a drunk asshole.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:47:58 2017 No.8724823 >>8724821 >Also, almost every fight I've been in is because I was being a drunk asshole. my brother is like you. i fucking hate him

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:48:36 2017 No.8724824

>>8724821
>I used to drive drunk quite a bit
What is it like? Only times I have considered it is when I plan to have a couple of drinks and decide to drink a lot so need to get more alcohol. Never done it, too scared to getting caught / killing someone / crashing my car.

I usually just walk to the shop round the corner even though they have started to recognise me buying alcohol all the time.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:51:24 2017 No.8724826 >>8724819 >'Accidentally' went to a gay bar >Got a BJ (I'm assuming from a guy) >Not gay Keep telling yourself that.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:53:00 2017 No.8724828 >>8724523 John Redcorn?

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:53:14 2017 No.8724830 >>8724824 >What is it like? It's fun as fuck and entirely not worth it

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:54:03 2017 No.8724831 >>8724553 God you sound like one of my friends I game with a lot. Jesus

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:54:15 2017 No.8724832 >>8724826 I stumbled and my dick just fell into his mouth.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:54:24 2017 No.8724833 >>8724496 Pointing out a woman's pubes .......

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:55:31 2017 No.8724836 >>8724833 This needs context, write it out.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 05:58:23 2017 No.8724841 >>8724701 Yup. I've pissed myself a few times while be being blackout. Worst part was I was at a friend's house 2/3 times. The 3rd incident I just casually pissed through my underwear beside my bed. I don't even know lmao

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 06:00:42 2017 No.8724844 >>8724598 >'can't afford his services after all' and walked out flashing middle fingers lost it

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 06:03:59 2017 No.8724847 >>8724823 Yeah, I don't really like getting that fucked up anymore. >>8724824 I've been pulled over at least 5 times while I was drunk. Got 3 tickets and almost a DUI. >>8724830 is right, don't do it. Just sleep in your car if you have to.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 06:04:13 2017 No.8724848 >>8724782 get the fuck back to where ever you came from

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 06:06:30 2017 No.8724851 >>8724598 Most alpha thing I've read on 4chan

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 06:06:31 2017 No.8724852 >>8724786 i know that feel. i got pretty paranoid after switching from a desktop to laptop, so when i get drunk in front of it, i prop it up on a box on my desk and use a cheap keyboard with it

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 06:23:20 2017 No.8724871
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>>8724852
>>8724786
I've spilled many litres of water, booze and this stuff on my Corsair K95 and it's fine, all I had to do was dry it out for a day or two and it works just fine, just needs a good cleaning afterwards to get the bits of shit that dry out.

What kind of shitty keyboards are you buying?

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 06:27:14 2017 No.8724875 >>8724786 Sounds like you might have some booze under those keys anon, take a keyboard shot!

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 06:43:07 2017 No.8724887 >>8724852 You're not paranoid. My laptop has drunk many liters of beer.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 06:55:53 2017 No.8724905 >>8724848 fuck you faggot

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 07:12:38 2017 No.8724920

Hm, too much to list. I normally take benzos as well, so I don't remember, but...

Walked through rough areas calling people cunts, received three lickings, a robbery and three stabbings

Bought a cow (wanted to have loads of cheap steak, was going to beat it to death with a hammer and take off slices with a sword)

Been arrested while walking home from jail

Shat myself after shitting myself ( >>8719439 )

Drank the contents of my piss jug because it was full and I needed a piss but wanted to delay moving

Get into 5-figure debt to buy booze

Shoved booze up my ass to get drunk when I didn't have enough to get drunk just drinking it

Crashed into a roundabout while 4 times over the limit. My second dui

Fucked a microwaved watermelon

Tried to steal a boat

Called the Houses of Parliament and made an appointment with an MP, to ask him why vodka isn't cheaper

Called Buckingham palace and insisted I be allowed to talk to the queen

Hit on a 50yo hag

Spent 2 grand on weed grow equipment (just gathering dust)

Pissed on the floor/bed so frequently that a whole section of ceiling had to be replaced in the room below

Intentionally set my house on fire

Voted Lib dem

...I dunno, it goes on

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 07:14:45 2017 No.8724922 >>8724503 Jordan you fucking idiot we still know where you live

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 07:40:58 2017 No.8724946 Never did anything stupid while drunk. I have self control. My friends bf diarrhead all over her floor the other day and blamed it on the cat though. Some of the funniest shit I've heard.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 07:55:04 2017 No.8724965 Practically everything I regret was done while drinking. While drinking in excess at least. And mostly it's because my drunk self is even more unable to read women than my sober self and far more likely to assume they're into me.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 08:25:01 2017 No.8725011 >>8724496 ive lost items of clothing on 5-10 separate occasions alienated a group of friends missed out on sex over 50 times woken up in alleyways and parks 3 times wasted thousands not remembered seeing some bands i really wanted to see

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 08:29:01 2017 No.8725017 File: 381 KB, 407x467, oegamiom.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>8724503 hahaha

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 08:37:25 2017 No.8725039
File: 11 KB, 480x480, 1489229559067.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>drink once when i was 15 or so
>didn't like it
>since i have tendencies towards addiction and self-destruction decide to never drink ever again
>never drank again
>not even the smallest drop of beer
>i'm 26 now

Sometimes the best bet you can do when you know you can't trust yourself is to never go close to what could fail you.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 08:40:19 2017 No.8725045 >>8724496 One time at a house party. someone started talking about this gay ass show. and instead of telling them to shut the fuck up. I just walked away. perfect time to beat someone up

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 08:45:16 2017 No.8725054

>>8724802
i did something almost like this.

minus the crazy speed. and being suuuuper wasted.

I drank smoked at a party, stayed for like 5 hours after i was done drinking. Stopped drinking after i drunkenly tried to pick up a bottle that was on the road, grabbed it so hard it fucking shattered in my hand and caused a big slice in my hand. Bandaged it. knew to stop drinking than and there, basically nobody wanted to dance with a guy who was bleeding. decide to just chat with people now hours past more sober, run about 2 miles to my car i parked far away. start driving home, going like 80 90 at 2-4 AM very few cars, not swerving or nothing. still nervous as fuck cause my hand starts feeling the pain now that im sobering up. Next morning realize the steering wheel is covered in dry blood.

luckily i did not need stitches. that would suck cause no medical insurance.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 08:45:36 2017 No.8725056 >>8724523 Did you mow his lawn too?

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 08:49:25 2017 No.8725062 File: 571 KB, 900x600, dd.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>8724649 Impaired judgment, it's not that hard to figure out.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 09:21:25 2017 No.8725121
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>>8724920
>Bought a cow (wanted to have loads of cheap steak, was going to beat it to death with a hammer and take off slices with a sword)
Even if it isn't true that is one of the funniest things I have read on here

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 09:28:52 2017 No.8725135

>New Years 2017
>drinking too much because I'm bored and it's my girlfriend's brother's party and I don't know anyone
>slip into blackout mode
>apparently around 2am I decided to leave
>forgot my coat was in another room, so I walk out into -15c weather to wait for a bus that will never come
>feel pretty fuckin cold so I decide I'll walk towards my home along bus route which is over an hour's walk away
>find a woman's coat on the ground, put it on
>ice covering everything so I keep falling
>each time I fall I seem to lose a vital piece of property, starting with my cell phone
>fall and lose glasses but keep going
>lose wallet too and keep walking thinking I'd pick 'em up in the morning
>wake up the next morning with my knees and tailbone screaming in pain and my girlfriend pissed the fuck off, with no wallet, glasses or cell phone

Boozing has its ups and it has its downs

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 09:34:49 2017 No.8725148 >>8724523 Is he a literal cuck? If so then he deliberately hooked you up and watched it from the closet. That's what best bros are for.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 09:57:15 2017 No.8725198 >>8724496 -pissed myself countless times -bought and smoked crack -driven so drunk I had to shut one eye to see straight -fucked a friend's 15 yr old sister -fucked a dude I'm a fucking hazard.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 10:30:06 2017 No.8725262

- Drove high and drunk one night, blew a stop sign at almost 80mph in a 40mph.
- Vowed to never drive that drunk again or mix weed with alcohol (has not happened since, thank god)

- Party at my buddys place, jump off roof once, then jump through the skylight shattering glass all over the place and nearly breaking my leg in the process. All cut up and the alcohol in my system made me bleed easily.
- MFW no one knows i broke it despite being all cut up.
- That same night also broke down his front door (im 6'5) and jizzed on his passed out sister.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 10:35:27 2017 No.8725271 >>8724920 >Get into 5-figure debt to buy booze How do you even do this?

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 10:40:47 2017 No.8725283 >>8725198 >fucked a friend's 15 yr old sister Tell me more.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 10:41:12 2017 No.8725285 File: 2.26 MB, 808x734, TBR Jar & Box2.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>8724496 Put tiger balm on my dick and balls cause a mate dared me to, my dick and balls were on fire for a good while

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 10:50:16 2017 No.8725302 >>8725285 This is fun though

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 10:51:30 2017 No.8725309 Fucked a random bitch with no condom and puked all over myself on the bus on the way to the club

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 10:54:36 2017 No.8725316 >>8724598 Is this a script for a johna hill movie

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 11:08:56 2017 No.8725336
File: 14 KB, 300x440, dexter.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>Go to party of a friend I haven't spoken to in a year
>Fucked a girl back then that one guy had a crush on
>Sent him a pic of her ass crack with my sperm in between for fun
>Known as the biggest dick to roam the earth

>Go to party of friend
>Walk in and people are happy i'm there
>Eager to get back to drinking and smoking weed
>Guy that I fucked over was there too
>Told me he's okay with me now
>It's all her fault anyway

>One girl keeps eye-ing me the entire time
>Smiling at me and giggling at me
>I sit a little closer to see what she does
>She opens her mouth towards me and says:
>'You have the shittiest shoes I've ever seen. You look like a fucking clown.'

>Vocal sparring ensues for 3 hours long
>No clear winner and friends annoyed
>Get up to go to the park at 2 AM to smoke weed
>She starts to get up in my face and push me
>Still no clear winner
>She wants to fight so I push her
>She loses balance and falls between two lawnchairs
>I win

>Get kicked out of the party because I assaulted a girl
>The girl was the cumselfie guy's gf

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 11:11:54 2017 No.8725345 >>8724537 >hating your best friend because he hits on your gf autism

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 11:22:05 2017 No.8725362
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>>8725336

>One year earlier

>In a group of mutual friends, just guys
>Already known as a person that has no moral compass
>Random girl thrown into the group along with some guy

>Guy is a massive stoner that considers himself to be the nicest guy around
>Has a massive crush on the girl
>Let's call the girl Kike for the sake of this story, and the guy Twerp

>Twerp throws a birthday party and I am invited and so is Kike
>Gee golly good fun is to be had
>I come over and drink a lot of beer and watch Britain's Got Talent on the telivision

>Kike walks in with instant eye contact
>I have never seen such a fine specimen
>She sits next to me and starts this monologue of how she was picked up but has no way of actually going home
>This becomes a problem later on because every one's either too drunk or too stoned to take her
>Bravely volunteer to take her home with my bike

>Every one agrees and calls me a hero
>Every one but Twerp
>Twerp calls me over and tells me there's no way I'm taking Kike home. She stays with him, and will sleep with him

>Makes me promise I wouldn't take her home
>I promise

>Evening comes to an end and Kike wants to go home
>Twerp tries to 'fix' her to stay at his place and bang a little
>Kike kindly refuses and tells Twerp to fuck off

>I take Kike home and fuck her brains out
>Cum between her ass crack and snap a pic
>She didn't notice

>I apoligize to Twerp and guarantee I didn't fuck her
>Send him the cum pic half an hour later

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 11:23:40 2017 No.8725369 >>8725336 >>8725362 Oh wait this is a thread about things I regret. I regret not making a 30 minute long sex video.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 11:34:29 2017 No.8725396
File: 36 KB, 500x494, 1366409412370.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>first year of uni, still living with parents
>come home after getting absolutely fucking plastered at a free liquor party at campus
>pass out on my computer chair
>wake up to diarrhea exploding out of my asshole
>get whatever I can of it into a plastic bag
>go wipe my ass, and as much of the shit from the carpet and my chair as I could, go to sleep
>next day I'm too hungover to get out of bed
>mom apparently checked up on me a couple times, saw me sleeping and left
>go to the shower late in the evening, mom makes snark remarks about my hangover
>go back to sleep
>wake up the next day, realize room smells like fresh diarrhea
>clean up the carpet and chair one more time to make sure they aren't stinking everything up
>absolutely no recollection of the shit filled plastic bag
>go to school, come back in the afternoon, entire house smells like shit
>"oh fuck"
>find the plastic bag from under my recliner
>throw the absolutely noxious smelling bag in the bin outside
>try to forget about shitting myself for the rest of my life

I'm pretty sure my parents were too embarrassed for me to bring up the smell in the house because they never mentioned it. Also I'm pretty sure I was on the brink of alcohol poisoning that night.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 11:42:42 2017 No.8725408 >>8724920 >Voted Lib dem Too far mate, you gotta control yourself

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 12:29:18 2017 No.8725509 >>8724786 Just put in the freezer and you have yourself an expensive ice cube tray

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 12:32:56 2017 No.8725524 >>8724920 Careful, Bill. Hillary doesn't have a job anymore so she might catch you posting.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 12:52:44 2017 No.8725604 >>8725039 Cool story faggot no one cares

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 12:53:15 2017 No.8725608 >>8724496 Fucked my mom.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 12:54:03 2017 No.8725610 >>8724828 The firewater was strong at the party...

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 12:55:09 2017 No.8725616 >>8725039 Girls can fail/hurt you, guess thats why you're still a virgin.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 13:27:24 2017 No.8725700 >>8724506 let me guess, you are drinking whisky

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 13:45:04 2017 No.8725750 how do so many people shit themselves when drunk? Ive gotten blackout drunk and passed out vomiting on myself multiple times, pissed in closets etc. but never shat myself.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 13:49:38 2017 No.8725766

>>8725750

1) different people react in different ways. I've gotten blackout drunk before but I've never vomited on myself or shat/pissed/puked in improper locations.

2) If you are on the booze for a long time it gives you watery shits. I imagine that would make it much easier to crap yourself compared to getting hammered one day while otherwise having normal shits.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 13:53:19 2017 No.8725775 >>8724920 >Called the Houses of Parliament and made an appointment with an MP, to ask him why vodka isn't cheaper That's not a mistake, that's democracy.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 13:54:01 2017 No.8725776

>>8724496
I stood up in a hammock and feel through it, ripping it beyond repair. I broke a small wicker table by falling into it, and i clogged a sink with vomit. This was all in the same night; i was 18 in high school at the time.

I haven't been able to drink tequila since.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 13:54:08 2017 No.8725777 >>8725750 >pissed self but never shit self Aye, same here. I did pass out on the bidet and fell off before I was completely clean though. Got shitwater all over my jeans.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 13:54:50 2017 No.8725781

>Be 20
>at lake house with cousin and friends not planning on staying the night
>drinking, poker, pizza
>few hours have drank a few beers and some shots
>getting late want to go home
>"anon your not going anywhere your drunk, give us your keys"
>anon: Fuck no, no ones touching my keys.
>"ok anon, but your not leaving."
>get up and try to leave
>friends block me and lock door
>I sit back down and wait patiently.
>30 mins go by
>friends and cousin getting ready to knock out
>one of friends goes to bathroom
>rest run in bedroom and fight over where there going to sleep like faggots
>now's my chance....
>quietly get up and get to door like some mission impossible faggotry
>unlock door and dash to car
> get in car and drive off
>5 minutes later get call from friend
>"anon where'd you go?"
>anon: on my way home, end call.
>driving down dark county side roads, animals on side of road staring at me with big glowing eyes from headlights.
>get home 45 minutes later send text to friend, "got home"
>calls me a faggot
>I go to bed
>wake up next morning
>mfw realized some faggots egged my back window at lake house

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 13:55:16 2017 No.8725784

this is just some of the stuff i remember, the worst things have happened while blackout drunk (apparently)

>had autistic outburst at family reunion, called out individual family members and why I don't like them (basically because I'm an insecure faggot with a shit life)
>told my mum i was an ice addict even though i've never used
>shat in the shower, squashed shit into drain gaps with foot
>pissed on a wall right next to a club entrance, bouncers scraped my skin up on the pavement
>broke my ribs while riding my bike to liquor store in the AM, was going down hill hit the brakes too hard for some reason and body went flying into a guard rail

I'm only 21 but I've done thousands of stupid shit like this. I can actually handle myself pretty well, but every now and then I'll reach a threshold where I won't stop drinking until I blackout. Planning to quit cold turkey.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 13:55:18 2017 No.8725785 >>8724496 your mom

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 14:01:21 2017 No.8725801 File: 100 KB, 1000x1000, kahlua.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Be 14. Drank shots of Kahlua with cousin and two girls. Getsick. Enter grandmas house. Vomitalot. Downhill from that point.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 14:38:52 2017 No.8725927 >>8725369 here is your (you)

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 14:48:39 2017 No.8725953 >>8725927 Thanks

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:10:29 2017 No.8726028 >>8724851 where did we go so wrong that alpha is equated to life-destroying but humorous

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:20:51 2017 No.8726054 >>8725785 oh so classic childish response I have yet seen here.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:25:07 2017 No.8726064 >>8726028 take your head out of your ass >also: "we" just fuck off

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:26:37 2017 No.8726066 >>8726054 how bitter are you? i have been waiting for a your mom joke the whole thread. it's a classic

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:29:27 2017 No.8726073 >>8726066 >bitter how is calling out someone childish bitter?

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:30:00 2017 No.8726074 >>8726064 >literally blackout drunk in a job interview, mid-day >alpha >take your head out of your ass what did he mean by this???

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:30:31 2017 No.8726075 >>8726066 Its not a classic, its childish and boring. Because you say otherwise, doesnt mean its right.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:31:38 2017 No.8726076 >>8726075 >Its not a classic, its childish and boring. Since when are those mutually exclusive?

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:34:36 2017 No.8726086 File: 29 KB, 378x336, Bildschirmfoto_2017-03-24_20-31-10.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >three (You)s in a row well, that's good for me. i'm just gonna be happy and drag my drunk ass into my bed

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:41:25 2017 No.8726101

>Too fucked up to get home from a party and stay at friends nearby
>Wake up in morning to his mum yelling at me to gtfo
>Can hardly stand but stumble my way out house and get home
>Friend calls me later (he found it funny btw)
>About 5am I get up to go to the bathroom
>End up in his younger brothers bedroom who's shouting at me to get out
>Open up his closet and piss in it, all over his clothes
>His mum at this point wanted to toss me ass outside (bitch) his dad thankfully had some sense and realised I would die so put me back to bed.
>Suffice to say I'm not welcome there anymore.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:44:34 2017 No.8726112 Punched a hole in my windows screen and pissed out the hole into the bushes below. Weirdest part is the bathroom is 10 steps from my room but I didn't feel like walking

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:50:31 2017 No.8726119
File: 113 KB, 1280x960, IMG_0020.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>8726074
I'm the guy who did that.

It's a funny story to tell now, but there is nothing cool or "alpha" about it. And here's the thing: booze controlled my life. At the time I was the most pathetic fuck you could ever hope not to encounter. I did shit like that ALL THE TIME and burned just about every bridge to anything worthwhile. There's nothing badass about it.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:51:18 2017 No.8726123 >all this closet pissing this must really be an american thing. as an european, me and my friends have gone blackout drunk for over a decade and never did such a thing. sure, we pissed in a lot of places, but never a closet. interedasting

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:51:44 2017 No.8726124

>be 19
>going to friend's birthday party
>she opens the door for me
>usually wears baggy clothes/tshirts but today she's wearing a black cocktail dress
>turns out she had some assets she was hiding
>"hi anon!! come in!"
>quickly realize a problem: I know maybe 2 people at this party and dislike the majority of everyone else
>standing around talking ensues
>normie shit
>drifting off, beginning to feel out of place
>make myself a strong drink
>begin drinking
>continue drinking
>drinking straight alcohol attempting to play settlers of catan
>head starts hitting table
>can't keep my head up
>guy I know: "I'm just going to take this bottle before anon dies of alcohol poisoning"
>stagger/crawl to bathroom
>begin vomiting
>have moment of existential dread when I realize that this is the reason 80% of the men in my family are drunks
>they were the awkward kids at the party that can't fit in so they get drunk because they feel like that's the only way people like them
>begin vomiting and sobbing
>don't know where all this liquid came from, seems like I'm vomiting gallons
>birthday girl comes in the bathroom behind me
>"whoa anon take it easy lol"
>sees that I'm having some sort of crisis
>she's drunk and a little stoned
>gives my puke-caked ass a big hug in that little fancy dress
>running her fingers through my hair, pressing my face into her chest
>get calmed down, realize what's happening
>touch her ass a little bit
>she lets me
>when I'm empty and emotionally repaired she takes me to her bed and tucks me in with a bucket and a glass of water
>~2 weeks and a few dates later and she's my girlfriend
>coming up on 3 years with her here in a week or so

I guess in the long run it worked out, but I still regret trashing her bathroom.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:53:20 2017 No.8726127 >>8726119 We got that already, son, but thanks for confirming.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:54:42 2017 No.8726132 >>8726119 >I did shit like that ALL THE TIME my condolescence. these stories are funny if it happens every other month or so, but doing these things back to back must really suck. i hope you're doing better by now

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:54:53 2017 No.8726134 cheated on my girlfriend with some chubby chick that lives in my building while absolutely hammered on st paddys day. now she won't stop texting me to hang out. probably because I fucked her again yesterday lel.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:56:29 2017 No.8726140 I just drink alone so all that's happened is passing out in my own vomit.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:56:34 2017 No.8726141 >>8726119 hope you're doing alright man

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 15:57:42 2017 No.8726144 >>8726124 >everythingwentbetterthanexdepted.jpg

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:03:06 2017 No.8726162 File: 19 KB, 625x476, aku the man.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>8726124 Ayyy. Good for you, my man

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:04:03 2017 No.8726166 Locked my roommate out of our place. He tries to break through double plane glass window to open door but fails. Sleeps in his car, then grabs a ladder to climb up to our balcony.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:04:32 2017 No.8726170

>>8726123
I'm british actually. Normally very good for controlling my piss and shit but it happened once when very, very drunk.

Another story
>Girl is having 21st in her house then onto a club, so just pre drinks. Very nice house and area.
>I had gotten off work at 4, drank pints with mates till about 7, had a curry, then a bottle of orange mad dog 2020 by the time I get to party. Got a bottle of buckfast for pre drinks before club.
>Assumed her parents would have been out. Nope.
>Her parents, other family and friends. Most of the other people our age are respectable. I'm absolutely hammered.
>Trying to find somewhere to park my ass as I can barely stand.
>Try to go into a room but told we must take our shoes off as the carpet has just been put in.
>Within five minutes of having been seated I throw up all over the carpet. Girl who's party it is runs to get adults, my friends both laughing but trying to get me to move to toilet or just any other room.
>Throw up again and again while giving thumbs up to her parents who are screaming at me.
>Collect myself, stumble out to their front garden and fall asleep on wall/hedge.
>A while later a good friend gets me in a taxi and home.
>Saw that girl a few years later and she scowled at me so hard.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:06:09 2017 No.8726173
File: 5 KB, 184x214, PatrickHenry.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>8724496
blacked out at a family party, came to and one of my sister's friends was sitting right next to me on the porch. Apparently she had been feeding me drinks all day.

ended up making out and trying to fuck in the shed, had whisky dick. Another one of my sister's friends found us buck naked. RIP me

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:06:50 2017 No.8726176 File: 61 KB, 1078x651, 1473543869553.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>8724828

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:09:10 2017 No.8726183 File: 188 KB, 480x333, satan-1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] I killed God, it was a simple trick, so no point ever praying again.. oh wait..

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:09:15 2017 No.8726185 >>8724657 did he die?

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:11:48 2017 No.8726194 Drove my mom home blacked out once. I still feel horrible about this.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:13:12 2017 No.8726201

>>8726170
Another.

>Two friends and I in Romania following our football team.
>Friend A is wasted and goes back to flat (airbnb) way early and passes out.
>Hours late myself and friend B come back (this is about 4am on a thursday mind you)
>I've lost the other key, friend A won't answer phone, ringing bell and knocking door for ages. Half the neighbours are up and shouting at us.
>In our drunken stupidity we decide to kick the door in
>Trying and trying but guessing because it's romania it's reinforced.
>Cops turn up and arrest us for trying to break in.
>Acting like they don't know what we are saying. Flight in a few hours so no more additional funds needed.
>Friend and I cobble together about 70 euros and they let us fuck off.

Slept in the hallway until friend A woke up all bright and cheery, cunt.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:15:52 2017 No.8726210

>>8724496
>in NY and out drinking with friends who live there. They take me to great bars which have really good imports like pilsner urquell on tap (this was before the craft brew scene exploded). Drink all afternoon and get hammered. Go to an Indian restaurant for a late dinner. Start eating my extra hot lamb vindaloo. Eat about half and feel nauseous. Go to the bathroom and just after I close the door a geyser of beer vindaloo erupts from me. Vomiteverywhere.jpg. Go back out and tell friends we have to leave immediately. Have remaining food boxed, pay and bolt before the restaurant found out and summoned the cops.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:17:54 2017 No.8726217 >>8726210 What restaurant calls the cops because someone threw up?

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:23:55 2017 No.8726228 >>8726124 this warms my heart

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:24:24 2017 No.8726231 >>8726217 if you use the bathroom in an Indian restaurant they call the cops because you might let the toilet witch loose.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:24:31 2017 No.8726232 >>8726217 >indian restaurant They probably thought a toilet witch was afoot.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:25:36 2017 No.8726239 >>8726231 >>8726232 So do we fuck now?

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:26:21 2017 No.8726241 File: 410 KB, 394x553, burburger.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>8726239 >>8726232 fug :DD

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:26:25 2017 No.8726243

every time i drink i wander around shovelling food in my gullet like a fucking pig and i dont know why that is. i also sometimes make weird posts on social media screaming about how i'm an all powerful god ascending this existence. it's a wonder i'm not a meme among my friends sometimes.

oh yeah and i punched my best friend in the face once for telling me to shut up. he was also drunk.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:27:43 2017 No.8726247 Every relationship in the last ten years

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:32:16 2017 No.8726256

>>8724496
The list is endless. I do weird things when I get blackout drunk, which is every night. A few nights ago I poured beef stew into an ashtray full of butts and ate it. That wasn't the first time that's happened either.

One morning I woke up to find shortening smeared all over the walls in the kitchen. Apparently I sleepwalk, which is not a good thing because my house if full of stairs.

I don't know how many times I've poured a cup of coffee in the morning only to find something mixed in with the coffee. The worst was a soapy brillo pad.

I had to quit my job and delete all contact information after sending lewd messages to every woman in the office, including my boss's 14 year old daughter.

I almost burnt my house down after passing out with two lit cigarettes. The fire dept had to put out the fire, which luckily only destroyed my bedroom.

I need help.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:36:19 2017 No.8726262

Was gonna buy a laptop at cheapo place, salesperson 23 white female.
Fast forward
Met her at the club.." hey , yeah, laptop ok, blah.
Fed her drinks
Tried to kiss her, smelled liked vomit.
Hmm could still fuck her, though,
Got a cab/taxi. She fell asleep.
Hey
Paid the driver
Keys into the disignated place
Dukpl her on her cheap bed, ripped her clothes of.
My god, such a fatty.
Run out . Im still that guy you see running.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:40:57 2017 No.8726271

Does anybody else pour the last of their drink really slowly to try to trick the bottle into giving you more? Not just drinks, but any liquid. I know it's irrational but I can't help but do it, kind of like using invisible hiking sticks to pull myself along when I'm walking a long way and getting tired.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:42:46 2017 No.8726278 >>8726262 So you attempted to rape somebody because you couldn't tell they were fat?

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:44:14 2017 No.8726283 >>8726278 In my mind it was consensual.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:44:58 2017 No.8726288 >>8726283 >I identify as consensual sex

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:46:24 2017 No.8726291 How the fuck do you guys do all this crazy shit so much? I get blackout drunk regularly, and while it impairs my judgment, it never makes me completely psychotic like some of you guys. I act largely the same as I do sober, just with fewer inhibitions.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:47:37 2017 No.8726295 >>8726283 >>8726271 So did you hand yourself in? That isn't the kind of behaviour alcohol can excuse.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:48:26 2017 No.8726300

I drank about 7 of those red solo cups of straight liquor before blacking out. My brothers claimed I drank another 3-4 of them before being so drunk I passed out and shit myself. Don't really remember the night but there was a midget there. I don't drink liquor anymore.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:54:54 2017 No.8726314 >>8725039 Back to plebbit.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:57:05 2017 No.8726321

>>8724496
>in university ROTC and they have a program where you can join reserve unit at E-5 pay grade. Need extra money so do it. Monthly weekend reserve meetings are work until noon, then go drink at the club where beer is $0.25 per glass, $0.10 during happy hour. Get blasted. Drive home is 30 miles and halfway home on the interstate vomit while still driving the car. Somehow make it home. Crawl into bed. Awakened in the morning by my brother, who I share the car with, screaming at me for puking all over the front seat. Tell him to fuck off. He has to clean it up so he can get to work.

Yeah, I was a real asshole back then.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 16:59:48 2017 No.8726327 >>8726295 Duuh, yes I did.. then again ... what my slim, beautiful body was tricked into? Lets not go there.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 17:14:25 2017 No.8726369

>>8725781
Similar story
>be me
>gf throws party at her house
>our relationship is pretty rocky anyway, I'm not in a good space
>get extremely drunk
>was drinking out of a vase at one point
>this other dude that was there was hitting on my gf, she's going with it
>they end up cuddling on a beanbag outside while I'm doing other shit
>I notice
>I don't care
>friends take my keys off me since they can see I've had enough and want to go home
>go upstairs and lay down for half an hour
>get up feeling pretty good, go downstairs and bullshit my way into letting my friends give me my keys to get something from my car
>drive home

Apparantely after I left the guy tried to have sex with my gf, but he was a virgin and drunk and completely fucked it up. She now dates a mtf tranny and the dude dates this psycho bitch

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 17:16:40 2017 No.8726379 >>8725362 Pics or it didnt happen

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 17:32:29 2017 No.8726423 >>8726124 :)

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 17:44:20 2017 No.8726464 >>8725148 Actually if he was a "literal" cuck he wouldn't know about it

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 17:45:02 2017 No.8726467
File: 60 KB, 540x720, 17425050_10202672144360265_1023988467167504670_n.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>8724496
I once had 2 5ths of vodka out in my car that id had out there hid for like 4 months for a special ocassion because my girlfriend at the time would have fucked my ass up if she knew I owned alcohol but the pussy was just that good I assure you.
Anyway one day I opened one up and started drinking. I was beginning to feel pretty slizzered after about 4-5 quick consecutive shots and it was starting to get late so I figured hell im not feeling too drunk but I think maybe ill go to bed.
It was at that time I decided to take a 5 mg ambien that I had been taking for sleep for the 3-4 months I hadn't drank anything and went and hopped in the bed... Huge fucking mistake taking that pill but I had little experience with it.
Next thing I remember is my girlfriend coming into her room with one of the 5ths of vodka turning on the lights to wake me. She was like "what the fuck is this?" To my horror I see that I have taken one of her favorite shirts, opened up the other 5th of vodka, doused it with about half the bottle and had stuffed her shirt down in the remaining vodka in the bottle.
I had made a homemade fucking molotov cocktail while sleepwalking using my girlfriends favorite shirt and luckily decided to go back to sleep before I fucked something up with it. Unfortunately I left it lying right in the middle of the living room. If that girls eyes could have fucked me to death I swear that's what they were doing.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 17:59:26 2017 No.8726529

>drank two beers to get a subtle buzz
>have to study for exams the next day so I take some etizolam to help me sleep
>gap in memory
>suddenly notice I'm tripping balls
>apperently I thought it was a good idea to drop the tab of acid I was saving for the weekend
>try to study throughout the night to manage my time
>end up smoking weed and jacking off instead
>spend all of the day sleeping
>luckily the exam wasn't too hard

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 18:07:58 2017 No.8726554 >>8724598 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsxYfYCbVC0 reminded me a lot of this

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 18:19:05 2017 No.8726573

>took a shot or two of vodka
>barely felt more than a relaxing buzz but decided I wanted to add a little something to the feel.
>pop about 20mg of Ambien
>Wake up over 8 hours later in the ICU having my stomach pumped.
>Learn I had eaten 3 whole bags of pickle flavored potato chips and chugged a 40 oz malt liquor.
>I then snuck into a neighboring Ramada inns swimming area when I wasnt a guest there and decided id relax in the hot-tub.
>That is where the adventure ends with pickle chips vomited into the hot tub and my lying face down in the water certainly dead if I weren't found by workers.
>Part of me wishes they'd let me die that day.
>I awoke to:
>Hospital bill
>Court date and fine for Public Intoxication charge
>Bill from Ramada for a nights stay and damages
>A tube in my dick
>Mixing alcohol and hypnotics... Never again.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 18:22:47 2017 No.8726580

>>8724496
Two days ago the company I hired to fix my roof called at like 3pm to notify me that they would be sending the crew out the next day. The call woke me up from passing out drunk earlier and I just remember answering the phone and immediatly laughing uncontrollably and making weird ass noises at the girl until she hung up. I only know about it because of the voice mail I got from them when I actually woke up.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 18:25:08 2017 No.8726585 >>8726467 MY SIDES ARE ON VACATION

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 18:27:34 2017 No.8726591 >>8724649 When I get drunk enough I just don't give a fuck about anything. I'd imagine that's how it happens for most people

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 18:35:15 2017 No.8726611

>Brother, his friends, and I go to Vegas for new years
>Eat a shit ton at a buffet
>Go to Hakkasan, Tiesto is playing
>Drink a decent amount of vodka
>Follow my brother's friend who I've known since a kid around
>Go back to booth
>Blackout
>Wake up, getting escorted out of the club
>Walk back to hotel room
>Pass out
>Wake up standing in the bathroom
>Ask brother and his friends what happened
>Apparently threw up in booth and demolished a bathroom stall with more vomit
>They also got kicked out eventually because a friend's sister threw up in the booth also

Never again

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 18:52:21 2017 No.8726651 car accidents and DUI

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 18:54:31 2017 No.8726658 File: 23 KB, 300x300, supporting-an-alcoholic.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Drinking.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 18:57:53 2017 No.8726667 >>8726651 More Details to that or??

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 18:57:54 2017 No.8726668 Start wrestling when I camp with friends. One guy keeps wanting to play kiss spin the bottle like a 12 year old. I took the hit for that weirdo

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 19:14:36 2017 No.8726702 >>8724496 I stole a taxi

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 19:18:59 2017 No.8726712 >>8726702 kek

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 19:19:22 2017 No.8726714 >>8726667 i crash car car no good i don't regret anything else because people forget but my car isn't pretty anymore

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 19:22:28 2017 No.8726719

>>8724496
This one time when 19 I woke up drunk af and hungry af, nothing in house because we are basically poor kids living on our own, find my friends girlfriends choclate ice cream and devour the shit out of it. I blackout, then I woke up with melted choclate ice cream all over my lap and on the couch i was eating it on. I was still kinda drunk so i panicked and tried getting rid of evidence took off my shorts and wrapped my shirt around my lower body like a diaper. Then i cleaned the surface of the couch pillows and just flip them upisde down so no one notices. I think everything is goin unnoticed til my friends gf wakes up to use the bathroom, she freaks out thinking someone wiped shit on the walls around the toilet and goes to living to find 360 remotes covered in "shit" and on the couch somewhere where i hadnt cleaned. Friend is a beta with an alpha mindset so he gets mad af asking everyone what happened to impress her. I stop everything by saying "i have some confessions to make." I start off by saying first thats not shit its chocloate ice cream. And then he asks why are you wearing a diaper? I say i got drunk as hell last night and passed out eating ice cream. The whole room of our friends starts laughing and i couldnt help but laugh either. No figting or anything just a funny moment in life for you op keeping it real lol

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 19:22:44 2017 No.8726720 Broke three ribs on the walk home from the bar. Six months before that I broke my thumb one night out at the bar. This one I have no recollection on how I broke it, woke up and it was broke.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 19:31:02 2017 No.8726744 >>8724496 Fucked a girl from New Jersey

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 19:43:33 2017 No.8726779 >>8726744 Holy shit, of all the horror stories in this thread, that's the absolute most horrific. How could you?

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 19:45:48 2017 No.8726783 >>8725784 >>had autistic outburst at family reunion, called out individual family members and why I don't like them (basically because I'm an insecure faggot with a shit life) There's literally nothing wrong with having an Airing of Grievances.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 19:47:37 2017 No.8726790 >>8726779 Biggest mistake of my life

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 19:48:49 2017 No.8726796

>>8725283
It's not all that spicy, but here goes:

>in college living in big house with freinds
>friend's sister comes to visit night of party
>friend doesn't want to have to watch sister because girl he wants to fuck is coming to party
>friend asks if he can dump sister in my room with me while he goes to party
>no spark between me and sis, but she's kinda cute
>why not?
>friend drops sis off in my room and goes to party downstairs
>sis and I talk, she sits at my desk and draws, I play guitar
>within an hour we're bored as fuck
>"You want a drink?"
>she brightens up
>go down to party and walk off with bottle of SoCo and two cups of ice
>most of the way through the bottle she's much friendlier and seems cuter
>sitting on bed turns into me balls deep in her pretty fast
>she's kind of a dead horse, so I bust a nut and we finish the rest of the bottle
>friend comes to pick her up after party and it's pretty obvious what happened

I think he wanted to be pissed at me, but realized it was his bright idea to leave two bored, horny teenagers together in a bedroom for four hours with easy access to alcohol. Chances of that happening were pretty high, in retrospect.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 19:52:59 2017 No.8726815 >>8726744

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 19:55:44 2017 No.8726828
File: 176 KB, 732x1892, IMG_0001.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>8726141
>>8726132
Hey thanks, dudes. I quit drinking entirely about three years ago after things got even worse. I wouldn't call myself sober because I don't abstain from all rec drugs but I did give up the one I couldn't take or leave. Things got way worse toward the end as they often do with boozers.

>April 2014
>Been perpetually drunk since 2012
>running out of money
>family is threatening to 5150 my ass to a psych ward
>try to taper off booze
>get so sick with withdrawals that I can't even take another drink without puking
>three days in, hallucinations
>four days in, full DTs
>go to hospital in hope of detoxing safely
>at hospital, begin to believe voices in my head are real demon assassin things
>start to do what they tell me
>yank out IV
>go out in hallway and grab passing nurse
>shove him into bathroom and lock us both in
>won't let him out because voices say not to
>security has to jimmy the fucking door open because they can't find the right key
>So exhausted, haven't slept in days
>refuse to fight them
>police arrive, take me to mental institution
>mental institution sends me back to hospital
>FINALLY a Doc orders some benzos
>detox at a detox unit over the next few days
>when back to my wits, have no idea what was real and what was delusion
>still don't entirely to this day

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 19:55:45 2017 No.8726829 File: 41 KB, 475x360, 1487160272168.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>8724527 he's dead now, anon.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 19:56:58 2017 No.8726835 >>8725345 cuck detected

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 20:17:21 2017 No.8726903 >>8724672 found the newfag

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 20:19:28 2017 No.8726910

>>8724503
>Be me
>Hunted at a young age and raised to be responsible with guns
>Buy handgun at pawn shop
>Get drunk and bored one night and shoot at tree in backyard with friend
>Start shooting glass jars on bench
>Less than 50 yards from elementary school
>Think no one will give a fuck because I live in da hood
>Do not consider shotspotter (I'm drunk)
>Wake up next morning to white CSI van in back alley
>Oh fuck
>Cops be handling glass jars with gloves and shit
>Forgot to clean up mess (I was drunk)
>Look up on interwebs what temp fingerprints are best preserved at
>Cold weather
>Oh fuck
>Winter is here
>Police come by my house next day right as I'm heading for work
>Invite me to Q&A at the station coming weekend
>Show up at the slammer on Saturday under my own volition
>Popo tries to build rapport my asking if I have experience with guns (e.g. hunting)
>mfw you've read books on FBI interrogation techniques
>I dindu nuffins tee hee
>play DWBD (dumb white boy defense)
>Popo ends convo by telling me crime lab is really good
>wish him the best in their forensic endeavors
>proceed to sell gun to hillbilly in Walmart parking lot
>never hear from 5-0
>vow to never do dumb shit while drunk again
>rlz this is impossible
>fuck tha police

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 20:20:29 2017 No.8726914

>>8726256
>A few nights ago I poured beef stew into an ashtray full of butts and ate it.
That is one of the most wonderful things I've ever heard, I have to say.

>The worst was a soapy brillo pad.
I've drank coffee mixed with dish soap while I was drunk. Didn't notice until it was about halfway gone.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 20:23:09 2017 No.8726923 >>8726910 >dumb white boy defense How does that work?

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 20:26:25 2017 No.8726933 tfw got drunk again tonight. MAKE IT STOP

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 20:35:14 2017 No.8726955 >>8726923 very well, anon, very well. congrats on understanding the most important part of the story. >act extremely naive >use terms like administrative or bureaucratic errors >profit embrace the DWBD. It's all some of us have.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 20:38:52 2017 No.8726966 >>8726955 I don't understand Anon, I am but a humble drunk britbong Can you explain it to me like I am 7 ?

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 20:41:51 2017 No.8726977 >>8726955 No one is going to fault you for using it. If I had access to it I'd use "I was not aware I could not do that" all the fucking time. In fact, I'd say you'd be a fucking moron for not using it.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 20:44:44 2017 No.8726983
File: 99 KB, 640x668, IMG_3204.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

blacked out one night and as i was walking home i went into some random person's porch and just smashed up a table. the police were then involved. now i can't be an uber drive for 6 years

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 20:52:43 2017 No.8727003

>>8726955
>>8726966
>>8726977

First off, checked. Digits are unreal.

Here in Burgerland we have a concept known as "white privilege." I'm not sure if this still holds up in the UK (things are a-changing fast) but while we do not procure W.P. checks, you are still able to talk your way out of certain crimes just by being a clean-cut,naive white boi. Hope this helps.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 20:53:22 2017 No.8727006 File: 60 KB, 640x640, 1475938787871.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>8726910 'Murica.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 20:54:33 2017 No.8727011 >>8726983 True that.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 20:55:02 2017 No.8727012 Anyone here own a decanter? I always drink from a bottle but decanters are pretty sometimes. How do you feel about them?

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 20:56:06 2017 No.8727017

>>8726955
Ain't it the truth. I talked my way out of cops stopping me at 2AM in the projects after scoring crack by pretending I was from out of town and staying with a buddy, couldn't sleep and went for a walk. (The crack was in my sock). Cops told me this was a bad part of town and I should go right back to my buddy's place and go to sleep. I thanked them.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 20:56:49 2017 No.8727020 >>8724496 Passed out and pissed myself in front of everyone

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 20:58:18 2017 No.8727028

>>8727012
I have a few i picked up cheap at estate sales a few years back. Some old folks must have died and their kids were selling all their shit; got a bunch of crystal decanters for a buck a piece. I don't keep booze in them, i just think they make nice decorative pieces.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 21:02:34 2017 No.8727041
File: 46 KB, 500x335, tmp_6911-11860232-1716480923.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>8726955
>>8727003
This is so fucking true.

About 10 years back i was on cop watch for a house party my friends were throwing. Cops got called for noise and a bunch of drunk high schoolers and after talking to them for a few minutes and telling them there was no alcohol just dumb boys being boys and that we'd turn down the music they left without even asking to look inside.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 21:04:04 2017 No.8727046 Alcoholics should all be shot

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 21:05:30 2017 No.8727049 >>8727046 Said no adult ever.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 21:06:39 2017 No.8727052 >>8727046 Here's that (you) your so desperate for. I hope it brings some joy to your life.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 21:08:44 2017 No.8727060

>>8724496
Tripped, fell and had some weird scrape that just got really sticky and full of pus instead of scabbing over. I still have a scar where it was.

I also got convinced that one of my friends (a 35 year old married man) was a prostitute, and I was ranting to everyone about how I was going to get him to give up his life of crime.

Lastly, I stole a sandwich from Jimmy Johns by giving them an empty starbucks card instead of a credit or gift card, but I don't really regret that.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 21:16:27 2017 No.8727094 >>8727046 We'll start with your parents.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 21:19:43 2017 No.8727108 >>8727046 autist detected.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 21:25:07 2017 No.8727127

I have 4 duis

spent like 4 months in jail for the last and got home detention for the 3rd

whenever I'm sober (never) I think I'm never going to do it again but then I get drunk and I'm like shit lets get more alcoohl and go drifting

all 4 dui's were car crashes 3 were crashes into other cars

I'm a piece of shit but I don't even feel bad about it

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 21:42:06 2017 No.8727184 >>8724496 Kissed my friend. I want to forget it, but I just can't

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 21:44:00 2017 No.8727190 >>8727184 elaborate on this.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 21:52:52 2017 No.8727220

>drink 80% of a fifth of gin on a work night
>black out
>wake up at 10:30 am
>suppose to be at work at 8:00 am
>still drunk as shit
>make coffee
>drive to work
>talk to clients about their financial positions and investments drunk and hungover the rest of the day
gin is like water to me

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 21:56:05 2017 No.8727234
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>>8727190
There's not really much to it. It's some sort of challenge.

>finish what I'd equate to high school but in Denmark
>after that, students drive a truck to every person from class' home
>everyone drinks a lot
>finish certain challenges during the trip to make some changes to your student cap
>one of the challenges requires you to kiss someone from the same sex
>then you can turn your symbol upside down
>friend and I deicdes that we should kiss to finish that challenge
>we're both pretty drunk
>we kiss, tounge and everything
>don't really think much of it
>now everytime I'm reminded I cringe

My friend sort of also wanted to kiss me, because he had heard that I was a good kisser.
I mean, it's petty, but I really hate being reminded of it. Can't deal with it
Pic related, it's how a normal student cap looks. The colour of the bands can be different, same with the symbol

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 22:13:11 2017 No.8727295 >>8727127 >I'm a piece of shit but I don't even feel bad about it Yeah, that's pretty much the thinking of a true addict.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 22:25:38 2017 No.8727338 >>8724503 it happens

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 22:26:18 2017 No.8727340 >>8724523 but she must know

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 22:27:54 2017 No.8727344
File: 203 KB, 764x1024, sugar addict.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>8725396
i did the same drunk thing
>in my dorm in college
>wake up
>room vaguely smells like urine
>come back from classes
>smells worse
>clean the living shit out of carpet that reeks of urine
>smell is not as bad but still lingers mysteriously
>lift up this seat/cushion thing that had inch and a half of space between it and the floor
>lurking underneath is a plastic shopping bag full of dark yellow, rancid piss

apparently, i had woken up in the middle of the night sleepwalking, pissed into a bag, and shoved it under this fucking thing, and i've never pissed in the closet, pissed anywhere without remembering, or even pissed the bed in my years and years of alcoholism.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 22:29:26 2017 No.8727346 Told my mate that I didn't like the way he danced.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 22:43:48 2017 No.8727390 File: 106 KB, 348x278, 1480576044679.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>8727234

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 22:48:54 2017 No.8727410 >>8724523 nah definitely mention it the next time you see both of them together. itll make their marriage interesting

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 22:54:49 2017 No.8727424 >>8724496 Vomited on my mouspad, keyboard and computer chair. The keyboard didn't work at all after and I couldn't get the smell out of my mouspad or chair. Ended up throwing them all out - was like $300 wasted. This is actually the only thing.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 22:58:35 2017 No.8727435 Why do stouts always put me to sleep? I have one and im out

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 22:59:57 2017 No.8727438

>>8724496
>Share a fifth of whiskey with a cute girl in college
>Wake up the next morning, hungover as fuck and 15 mins before class
>Consider skipping class because I'm legitimately sick, but I remembered I had a big test that day
>Shamble to class looking/feeling like a fucking zombie
>Take the quiz, feeling like hurling the entire time
>Notice a faint smell of vomit
>Finish the test, shamble home, puke my guts out and look in the mirror
>I had dried puke all over my hair and clothes the entire time

It was embarrassing, yet somehow I scored higher than most of the class, despite guessing on mostly everything and getting a low D.

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 23:09:29 2017 No.8727457 >>8727049 Because most adults are just children with the law on their side :^)

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 23:26:37 2017 No.8727512 >>8724496 last st pats i was with my friends and i puked on a waffle house table and blacked out. they had to clean up

>>	Anonymous Fri Mar 24 23:29:04 2017 No.8727522 >>8724496 Pissed all over my roommate's car. On camera.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 23:32:19 2017 No.8727535

>>8724841
>I just casually pissed through my underwear beside my bed
I did something similar
>drinking tequila
>nothing to mix it with
>wash it down with cherry koolaid
>reach the point of blacking out
>already in bed
>need to puke
>know toilet is too far away
>decide not to even try
>lean head over the edge of the bed
>let it out
>wake up to an aweful smell
I just left the red streaks and stench there for about a week. I would just lay with my head on the other side of the bed to avoid it.

Anonymous Fri Mar 24 23:39:29 2017 No.8727564
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I read all these post and it makes me feel a bit better.
I've pissed my bed twice. Got out of my car one time and couldn't hold it so I pissed myself walking up my drive way and said I spilled soda on myself and actually threw soda on myself to make the lie believable.
2 things I really regret. Once an ex wanted to hang out and was dtf but bitched out. Another was an old coworker wanted to hang with her friend and my homie was down and willing to lie for me. My baby momma made me bitch out for both. Biggest regret is not leaving her sooner. She controls my life now and all I do is drink. But ay man. I love drinking

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 00:26:53 2017 No.8727688

Not too extreme but this was fairly recent
>in bed
>playing rocket league and eating peanut butter sandwiches
>finish last sandwich
>decide I need more
>get the peanut butter
>can't find loaf of bread
>spend a great deal of time trying to retrace my steps
>check in cabinets, bedroom and fridge several times
>breadnotfound.ERR
>have almost nothing else to eat
>decide to buy more
>know the grocery store is about a 45 min walk each way
>fill a McDonald's cup is Coca-Cola and Bacardi for the journey
>~10pm now
>begin my voyage
>dressed in a winter coat and a backpack
>very cold night in February
>windy
>hands cold carrying my mixed drink and smoking
>get to grocery
>go to restroom and waste time to warmup
>end up buying bagels, microwave popcorn, and some other things
>figure I'll just find the bread when sober
>get a case of beer from liquor store next door
>begin walking back
>feel like I've made a grave mistake walking around with a backpack full of beer and junkfood late at night
>paranoid I'll get robbed or have someone ask me what the hell I'm doing
>finally get home and decide to just watch some anime
>open the microwave to make popcorn
>remember I put the bread in there because the cat likes to chew the bag

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 00:42:55 2017 No.8727711 File: 20 KB, 402x432, w5yw46u.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>8724523 >Accidentally

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 00:51:15 2017 No.8727723 >>8724920 Of all the things on this list that defy logic, the only thing I want explained is >Fucked a microwaved watermelon

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 00:59:33 2017 No.8727735 >>8727723 kek

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 01:11:41 2017 No.8727763 >>8725135 why did they just let you leave? no-one looking out for you.

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 01:26:37 2017 No.8727785

>>8724496
Kissed a fat chick, tried to get with my friend's cousin, got my dick sucked by a married heroin addict, talked loudly about bestiality and Mr. Hands, puked up a ton of lasagna and ate it again, pissed off the roof of a Macy's, and made scrambled eggs at a Christmas party when there was plenty of food to eat.

The thing that concerns me most though was when I blacked out freshman year of college at a party and woke up the next day next to train tracks.

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 01:56:11 2017 No.8727827

>get off work one night
>bartender so been drunk for a few hours already
>pick up friends to go to house show
>drinking and dancing leads to wanting more drinking
>go to bar and drink till closing
>drive female friend back home
>"would you want to sleep in bed with me, anon?"
>whynot?.jpg
>fuck like rabbits until daylight
>leave at noon
>later that day she tells me she blacked out when we got to her place
>tell her we fucked
>she cries rape
>months later, cops come asking about it
>get charged and arrested
>lost my job and most my social life
>been sober since i got out of jail
lesson learned, dont get drunk around women. And definitely dont try to have sex with a drunk girl. This shit has ruined my life

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 01:58:03 2017 No.8727834 >>8727827 Lol

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 02:00:59 2017 No.8727840 >>8726170 >orange mad dog 2020 Oh I remember those days. We used to make ice cubes out of mad dogs and mix them with everclear and pushpops.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 02:02:03 2017 No.8727842 >>8724496 >things you regret you've done while drinking being on /ck/ right now

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 02:13:59 2017 No.8727862 >>8727827 So was she actually out of it while you were fucking or was she responsive but just didn't remember the next day? Because if she wasn't responsive, well...

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 02:24:41 2017 No.8727880

>>8727862
she was responsive while we were going at it. The argument being made is false consent (whatever the fuck that means) due to intoxication, when i was next to blackout myself. I'm not allowed to do my job (bartending) until this mess is cleared up and that can take at least a year, probably more.

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 02:25:12 2017 No.8727881
File: 46 KB, 812x612, quantum_bigger_uncertainty.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Was a cereal al/ck/ freshman year.

Was a straight edge friendless person throughout HS so when people wanted to hang with me, and drink., I went with it.

Still an al/ck/ but I dont blackout or do dumb things and generally am more myself after freshman year of college (5yrs ago).

But here's the highlights
>stole liquor from a grocery store till they caught on
>groped a Taiwanese chick that was stone cold sober (still regret it and it fucks me up)
>Got borderline raped by a chick (dont care though, most of the sex part was told to me by friends)
>cut myself multiple times doing idk what, think it may have been dry skin and doing dumb stuff
>not fucked a chick because my apt was littered with booze and had a twin bed that barely had me fit on it.
>contribute to me not graduating on time
>got me a DUI (didn't hit anyone or cause damage)

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 02:27:53 2017 No.8727884 >>8727880 That is fucked up. Can you not sue her for this?

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 02:30:43 2017 No.8727886

>>8727884
I've barely been able to afford a lawyer to defend myself and thats after having to get family to help. There wouldn't be anything to gain from sueing her for it. I just want to get my life back on track and get the fuck out of the city that ive lived in for the past 15 years.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 02:32:10 2017 No.8727888 I punch stuff. I've never been drunk around anyone else so I might punch people. I'm not sure. Victims include the wall and an expensive monitor.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 02:32:23 2017 No.8727889 >>8727881 Oh and this anon here, she took my virginity and I was a kissless virgin till a month prior

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 02:32:59 2017 No.8727890

>>8727884
>>8727886
the really fucked up part is that it was 2 months after the "incident" that she went to the police. She initially told me she wasnt going to press charges after it happened but she never wanted to see me again, and i never did talk to her again. I'm convinced that she was talked into pressing charges by someone

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 02:33:28 2017 No.8727891 >>8726185 No, he's fine. The person I strangled got some bruises on her neck, though.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 02:38:10 2017 No.8727903 >>8727890 I thought you could only make rape reports like 24 hours or some shit after it happens

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 02:47:11 2017 No.8727918

>>8727903
the statute of limitations is a year or more i think, im too lazy to google right now. theres no physical evidence that i did anything and theres no witnesses. the only thing on me is that i told her we had sex. If i was in a more clear state of mind i wouldnt have slept with her if i knew she was so far gone but its too late now and i have to fight this tooth and nail to keep my life from being ruined even more

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 02:52:12 2017 No.8727932 >>8724496 when I was 16 I apparently did a poo in front of a dairy (convinience store)

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 03:15:06 2017 No.8727973

>>8724496
>go sing karaoke when i'm too drunk to see straight nevermind remember any lyrics. has happened several times
>offer my socks to some dude on a cruise ship. no idea how this came to happen. he didn't want them
>shit my pants too many times
>piss my pants few times less
>piss in my friends laundry. i don't know why. toilet would have been just behind me
>loads of other things i can't remember right now

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 03:16:21 2017 No.8727978 >>8727918 That sucks man, hope everything works out for you in the end mate.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 03:22:03 2017 No.8727990 >>8727890 >>8727918 So I could get someone to jail without any evidence if I just wanted? Or does this only apply for girls?

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 03:26:31 2017 No.8727997 >>8727990 >8727990 Only for girls unfortunately.

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 04:22:47 2017 No.8728105

>old friend is back in town
>fairly wealthy mutual friend throws him a party at her house
>pregame at my place with different group before I head there
>end up pregaming for like three hours
>get to house party
>immediately charge up to old friend to give him a hug
>the kind where you lift them off the ground a bit
>end up hugging way too low, lifting too fast
>suplex him flat on his ass in a crowded room
>luckily land right between either shattering a table or domino'ing half the party

We laughed it off but fuck was that a close call, the rich friend would've severed ties if I was a foot to the left or right

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 04:35:01 2017 No.8728129

>>8728105
Another close call
>got drunk at home with friends
>can barely stand
>they all leave
>decide to have a smoke outside then crash
>sitting on front steps
>no railing, about 1m off the ground on the sides
>Canadian winter, -20 degrees out
>get up to go back inside
>slip
>fall into 50cm of snow in yard
>can't sit up without using bare hands in snow
>almost can't even do that
>struggle for 5 minutes half passing out before I can crawl up the steps inside
>nearly die a few steps from my door

Last time I'll ever step outside the house drunk and alone in the winter; still scares the shit out of me to think about dying that way

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 05:32:12 2017 No.8728188

>>8727990
You must have a vagina. In some US states a man legally cannot be raped. Doesn't matter if a woman drugs him, another dude ties him up and buttfucks him like there's no tomorrow, the law says nothing illegal would have happened because men can't be victims of rape in those places

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 05:44:31 2017 No.8728213

>be me
>had a few beers but im cool to drive
>head on collision with another couple
>the driver is dead on the road
>me freaking the fuck out trying to put their brains back in their head JFK style
>me crying my eyes out in my blood covered hands before about getting lynched by people who stopped to help.
>the girl driving had a blood alcohol level over 3x the limit
>I was just under the legal limit
>me and her ex boyfriends are friends with benefits to this day.
>feelsgoodman

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 05:48:10 2017 No.8728222 >>8724751 She was a hardcore bitch coked up beyond Taylor Swift's Wildest Dreams. I took home the bitten of skin and it's floating in Everclear.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 06:28:33 2017 No.8728277 >>8728213 >me and her ex boyfriends are friends with benefits to this day. Are you gay?

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 06:40:33 2017 No.8728290 >>8728277 No but when I killed his girlfriend he had to find another warm body with which he could latch to and suck off the life giving algae. I'm not one to turn down orphans. So gay, no. Big heart, yes. Drunk, perhaps.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 06:48:17 2017 No.8728303 >>8728290 so.......you're gay?

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 06:58:58 2017 No.8728319 Passed out in a locked cubicle of a McDonald's toilet. Woke up in a hospital bed. I don't ever want to find out what happened in between

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 07:05:27 2017 No.8728325 >>8728290 Dude. You're gay.

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 07:38:56 2017 No.8728373

Got sent home from work for smelling like booze. Ended up buying more, walking out into a forest in the snow and freezing cold and tried to an hero. Started panicking while half frozen and crawled out to the side of the road where a couple picked me up and drove me to the hospital. My brother and his wife kicked me out after that.

Shit was terrifying.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 07:47:37 2017 No.8728392 File: 2.33 MB, 161x149, 1470691144288.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>8728373 >guy nearly intentionally kills himself in a drunken stupor >gets kicked out wew gotta love family

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 08:32:25 2017 No.8728474 >>8727390 Indeed. And I can never escape it

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 08:35:00 2017 No.8728477 drunk as fuck right now. Playing UNO on ps4

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 08:37:50 2017 No.8728480
File: 17 KB, 479x408, oilcry.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>8728373
This same situation happened to me a few years ago, but it was after an Edmonton Oilers/Nashville Predators game. I was passed out on the side of the road and some hipsters picked me up and drove me home. Thank fuck the cops didn't find me first.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 08:42:49 2017 No.8728491 How soon does one starts getting alcohol withdrawls?

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 08:44:13 2017 No.8728497 I was at a party with live music and I fell right on top of the drums while dancing, like straight out of a high school American flick. Dismantled the whole thing and ripped the snare drump. I don't dance anymore.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 08:45:11 2017 No.8728499 >>8724512 This is tame compared to most of my nights

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 08:48:30 2017 No.8728506
File: 75 KB, 440x660, 1464129724298.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>8724598
I've done 3 interviews drunk. They were all minimum wage jobs. I might get fired from current job, now. I can't believe I have to do another interview drunk after this.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 08:57:47 2017 No.8728531 >>8727827 Lol, got what you deserved.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 09:01:32 2017 No.8728539 >>8727827 More like "don't tell a woman you had sex with her while drunk"

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 10:15:26 2017 No.8728658 >>8727688 please never post again. reading this was a complete waste of time, even by 4chan standards. this isn't even related to the thread's topic

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 10:44:31 2017 No.8728723

>>8728491
The handful of times I've had any real symptoms, it was 6-10 hours after the last drink.

Lots of factors to consider, mainly the severity/frequency of your drinking habit (the peak/duration of a maintained BAC level, I guess?) and then how abruptly you stop.

That 6-10 hr range was when I'd drink a fifth (or even a forty, if drugs were involved) of whiskey a day, for 5+ days, then completely stop, either from lack of funds or because my stomach couldn't take it.

If you've read this thread you'll know not to mix booze and benzos, but if you drink like that then have to go completely cold turkey, find some valium or else you're in for a rough couple days. Doctors and rehab are all obviously better, but not everyone can make that happen.

If weaning it off, valium, or doctors all aren't options, at the VERY LEAST find someone's couch to go through your shaky fever dreams on. You won't be social but withdrawal kills, and you can't call 911 if you're alone and start having seizures.

Sorry for the spiel but shit can get real scary real quick, as many here would attest

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 10:53:42 2017 No.8728747 >>8728392 In their defense I'd been warned by them about my drinking several times. That was just the nail in the coffin. They let me stay for another week until I got approved for an apartment.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 10:59:26 2017 No.8728764 I'm drinking this morning to kill a hangover and I already regret it, I have to go out for dinner tonight and I bet my hangover will be back but twice as bad.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 11:04:02 2017 No.8728774 >>8724649 its fun

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 11:13:11 2017 No.8728801
File: 85 KB, 444x446, 1485042509928_pol.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Any one like to fight while drunk?

>went to a lake side music festival
>booths giving away shots of vodka as advertisement for some local still.
>become buddies with the booth guy and drink about half a bottle
I'm not a drinker, I come to these threads for lol
>wake up in a drunk tank in some bum fuck mountain police station
>surprised I wasn't raped
>friends tell me I tried to fight a cop but was so ridiculously fucked up the the cop had mercy and filed no charges.

Go to local cowboy bar
>a tour bus of yuppy people show up
>one drunk faggot (99% it was Maynard James Keenan from the band Tool) is loud af and has an ego bigger then the bar
>told him to shut up
>the small bald semi-buff man (Maynard) gets in my face
>the second spit hits my face I layed him out cold, three quick crosses to to dome and he hit the floor
>his entourage calls the cops so I leave
>homies at small town bar don't give the cops shit on me so no charges ever pressed for decking Maynard.

Be volenteering at a church
>some half buff half baby fat Autistic kid has a problem with the work I'm doing AS A VOLUNTEER
>he shoulder checks me one time because I called him autistic (clearly was)
>so I open-palmed slapped him in the face
>he begins to tard rage and throwing pillow fist punches
>I land just one solid hit and bust his nose wide open
>best part is we're still technically working so I sit their and watch as he grabs a mop bucket and proceeds to mop up his own blood and a fresh stream lesks onto his shirt.

I'm only ashamed of the first one.

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 11:19:45 2017 No.8728821

>>8724496
>started drinking with a couple of buds, feeling pretty good
>someone gets idea to go get some shrooms
>cool idea bro
>drive 45 min drunk to grab some
>oh shit there is a party 30 mins away, lets go
>drinking on the way there
>"Hey we should probably pop some of these bad boys before we get there"
>take the shrooms
>find out party isn't happening but there is another one an hour away
>fuck it, road trip
>shrooms start kicking in on top of being drunk
>look to my buddy, he's the the lizard king
>oh shit these are hitting hard
>someone in back seat is like oh hey this road ends
>fly through some persons white picket fence into their yard.
>calm as fuck for no reason, just do a u turn in their lawn and drive back out through another part of fence.
>get to party, know absolutely no one there
>start to become paranoid about not knowing where I am or who these people are
>decide to chill in living room, a couple ppl are watching a movie
>decide to drink a bit more to calm down
>the movie that is playing is Pink Floyd's Another Brick in the Wall.
>nope
>start tearing up, thoroughly mind fucked at this point
>tell everyone in the party that "I have to tell the world a message that I just learned"
>get in car in the middle of night, not remembering how I got here and decide I will drive home
>blacked out
>remember just randomly doing u turns in the middle of streets in Flint
>end up in Detroit, "shit I think I went too far south"
>see a gentlemen on the side of the road, roll down window
>"Excuse me sir, I am incredibly fucked up and I am lost, can you help me"
>He says sure, "just let me in your car"
>brain has sudden (thank god) realization that this isnt a good idea
>look him straight in the eye, "no.........just no"
>roll up window slowly staring him straight in the eyes.
>drive away
>black out again
>come to 5 hours later, it is morning
>holy shit I know where I am, only 5 mins from home
>drive home, pass out, get text from buds that I left, they're pissed.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 11:26:02 2017 No.8728841 Pretty much caked a toilet in vomit, 100% covered in a thick layer of blended pizza and bile. Cleaned it with the whole roll of toilet paper but the smell is still there.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 11:59:22 2017 No.8728922 >>8728821 This was just fantastic anon, truly, you're a credit to us all.

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 12:11:31 2017 No.8728963

>Day drinking then end up at a club leave and get some food
>Meet a buddy of mine with some hipsterish kids going to a party and asks me to come
>Was going to decline but could tell the kids actively did not want me there at all so say yes just to fuck with them
>Within half a hour of getting there and sitting down I'm passed out
>Wake up and people are taking drugs, dancing, chatting usual shit
>Nobody is caring about me so it's chill
>Suddenly need to vomit but can't get up, do it down side of sofa discreetly
>Fucking masses of it, everywhere. Nobody notices.
>Okay time to leave
>Guy who's flat it is had been a mouthy prick to me earlier but I was too fucked to care
>As I try to stand up I stumble into the TV which falls and crashes to the ground, not smashed or anything but might be broken
>Everyone is shouting at me to gtfo, guy who's flat/TV it is starts squaring up to me.
>He's got a wee pencil mustache, a quiff and probably weighs about 50KG, tell him to get fucked.
>Stumble out just as shrieks go up about the vomit. Everyone is disgusted with me/pissed. Would normally care but they are art school faggots so I genuinely could not have cared less.
>As I'm going out the door he pushes me from behind (as in pushing me out the door) but there was no need as I was leaving anyway and not being aggressive etc
>Basically he was just trying to look alpha
>Door slams behind me and I turn round and boot it as hard as I can
>Door fucking flies upon, wood splintered, lock busted open
>Everyone who was in the hall is screaming and saying to call the police.
>I shout at them to get fucked as I walk down the stairs laughing my ass off

My buddy or someone must have given me up because he contacted me a day later saying I needed to pay for a new lock and shit (No mention of TV so assuming it was fine). I tell him to suck a dick. He's obviously with some dude becasue he sends me a pic of his mate (They're sat in a fucking cafe) and he's like I know where you stay cont...

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 12:17:19 2017 No.8728979 >>8728801 >be volunteering at a church you're drunk while volunteering? kek

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 12:18:37 2017 No.8728981

>>8728963
cont..

and me and my mate are going to come round to yours, fuck you up and take shit which is of that value so pay up.

I had gone out the night before and was still drunk. Send him a picture of a clawhammer with my dick in the picture. Tell him to come over, I'll fuck you and your boyfriend in the ass.

Honestly his reply was like "ewww you're fucking disgusting how can you talk to another human like that you piece of shit" Goes full tumblr on me and then threatens to contact the police. I just say lol you've just threatened me with violence and home invasion and robbery, good luck with that. He never replied kek.

I kind of regret this though because I was at a party a month or two later. Had taken quite a bit of ecstasy and was in a nice place. Two girls come and sit with me (score) and then start berating me for being a homophone and all this shit. I try and talk them down but they're shouting and shit and lots of people are listening in. Had to leave because of it which sucked.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 12:19:45 2017 No.8728984 >>8728821 You should have driven straight into a tree you stupid retard.

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 12:23:24 2017 No.8728996

>>8728963
>>8728981
sorry didn't make clear.

His buddy he sent me a picture of was kind of built but was dressed in like fucking 90s fila 'street wear' and looked like a try-hard hipster faggot. Also I recognised where they were at, it's a fucking hipster vegan gluten whatever type cafe in a trendy part of town. Not the most intimidating kek,

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 12:37:36 2017 No.8729035

>wrecked my car in high school driving drunk, walked two hours home and reported it stolen next morning and insurance covered the damages

>got pulled over for driving drunk in college, cops were cool and just let my friend drive the rest of the way who was much more sober

>fucked a girl in my roommates bed while my girlfriend was passed out drunk in the next room over

Probably a lot of other things I don't recall.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 12:38:27 2017 No.8729044 getting sucked off by a fat goth chick in a kids playpark an hour after she'd sucked my best friend (I didn't find out till the next day)

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 13:01:21 2017 No.8729125 >>8728764 Put down the booze and pick up some gatorade and eat some food now. You can still come out of this alright.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 13:28:41 2017 No.8729215 File: 150 KB, 798x800, 1368677593807.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>8728506 >I might get fired from current job, now. I can't believe I have to do another interview drunk after this.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 13:35:06 2017 No.8729246 >>8728801 >starting shit because you think BUT IM VOLUNTEEEEEEERING means there are no standards and nobody gives a shit trashy af desu

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 13:39:34 2017 No.8729263

perfect thread for me tonight

last night I cruised past my limit, got shitfaced with coworkers, blathered about how suicidal I am and how miserable my marriage is, loudly insulted the bartender and then just generally dropped spaghetti all over the floor. had a nightmare about it too, also implied I'm in love with someone else in a way that was not subtle

have to pull an 8 hour shift on three hours of drunk sleep now. I don't feel hungover yet but it's because my body isn't finished metabolizing the alcohol

too bad I know I won't kill myself because now would be a great time

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 13:57:24 2017 No.8729327 >>8729263 What's wrong with your marriage?

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 14:02:24 2017 No.8729340 What good things can you make with Gin and standard household liquids? I'm getting sick of drinking it neat, but I have no money to buy anything else.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 14:06:46 2017 No.8729355 >>8724920 >>8727723 I get why he fucked a watermelon, but why microwave it?

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 14:07:59 2017 No.8729361 >>8729355 so it feels closer to whatever hole they wanted to dig in

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 14:11:54 2017 No.8729376 >>8729340 Gin and bleach is tasty

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 14:13:02 2017 No.8729378 File: 441 KB, 914x1240, Screen Shot 2017-03-25 at 2.12.29 PM.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>8729355 I just want to know, was it a whole watermelon? A half of one? Just a slice?

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 14:19:27 2017 No.8729398 >>8729327 the only thing that's wrong with it is that I'm part of it. she's perfect and I'm an ungrateful semi-employed piece of fucking garbage. I don't know how much longer I can do this

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 14:29:07 2017 No.8729437 >>8729340 just get some cheap tonic and add a shitload of lemon juice.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 14:30:27 2017 No.8729443 >>8729376 Anon please

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 14:31:09 2017 No.8729450 >>8729437 >get some When I say no money, I mean literally $0.00.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 14:33:27 2017 No.8729461 >>8729340 what's in the fridge?

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 14:35:03 2017 No.8729470 >>8729450 what do you have around the house? you could do gin soda with shitloads of lemon and or lime.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 14:37:57 2017 No.8729484 >>8729461 >>8729470 Milk, water, and food. I tried the milk and it was fucking awful, does plain water do anything?

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 14:39:12 2017 No.8729486 >>8729340 >standard household liquids why don't you define what you have. you could probably make a tom collins if you have lemons, sugar, and fizzy water, but maybe your definition of standard is different than mine

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 14:39:50 2017 No.8729491 >>8729484 should have gotten vodka instead of gin. vodka with milk is godly.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 14:40:14 2017 No.8729493 >>8729484 yeah, but if you freeze it into a solid it will help you out more.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 14:41:43 2017 No.8729503 >>8729491 I'll remember that for next time. >>8729493 So on the rocks is my only option? I guess that's fine. Thanks.

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 14:52:01 2017 No.8729541

>>8729503
I mean, you have milk and water, I don't know what you expected to happen. syrups, juices, tonic, citrus fruits, or soda. you can pretty much put anything with gin that you would with vodka, it just has to match the flavor. you just have literally nothing to work with. could make a simple syrup and mix it with a squeeze of lemon, get a flat collins going

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 15:27:08 2017 No.8729675 >>8725198 >-fucked a dude still here? story?

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 15:27:10 2017 No.8729676
File: 74 KB, 500x462, C__Data_Users_DefApps_AppData_INTERNETEXPLORER_Temp_Saved_Images_1472360461128.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>8729246
You obviously have no idea about the situation or personalities involved. So keep running your miserable NEET life off half-assed assumptions.

>>8728979
It's a long story why I was volunteering at a church but I wasn't drunk for that story. Just goes to show you don't need to be intoxicated to tune someone up.

>>8728801

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 16:02:22 2017 No.8729769

>>8727535
>Be me
>Expat living in Spain
>Not a fluent in Spanish
>Drinking in a cheap Spanish dive bar
>Some guys ask me if i wanna play table football with them.
>POR QUÉ NO
>ask me if i wanna hang out with them
>POR QUÉ NO
>ask me if i wanna take shots of mysterious black liquid with them
>POR QUÉ NO
>wake up the next day in my room covered in puke

>por qué no

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 17:07:40 2017 No.8729987 >>8728658 (You)

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 17:20:03 2017 No.8730022 File: 72 KB, 500x464, 1412532235750.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] I drink every night before my exams because otherwise I cannot sleep. It's working out pretty fine actually

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 18:13:44 2017 No.8730233

>>8729484
>>8729503
Dude get some bakers yeast and transform some of your 20p, 50p juice into some high (actually substandard) quality cider/alcojuice or whatever. Even works with milk but I would discourage you from what. Then you can use your nonexistant disposable income to buy some mixing ingrediants

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 20:17:59 2017 No.8730585 >>8730233 add extra sugar too for a stronger alcohol.

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 20:55:16 2017 No.8730671

>>8730233
>get
>juice
>buy
Anon, I have no juice and no money. At this point I'm just not going to stop drinking, had one more glass on the rocks and now I'm on the verge of throwing up. I hope I haven't ruined gin for myself forever.

Which leaves me with a different question. When I have money, what can I make with the rest of this gin so I can't taste it?

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 21:11:08 2017 No.8730719 >>8730671 >just going to stop drinking

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 21:18:13 2017 No.8730737 >>8728188 progress!

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 21:32:38 2017 No.8730780 >>8728222 Pictures or no it didn't.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 21:46:00 2017 No.8730809 >>8728963 >>8728981 >>8728996 You just sound like you're a lout when you're drunk. Maybe in general too, who knows.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 21:48:50 2017 No.8730816 >>8730671 >When I have money try tonic + lemon like I suggested. it's really good but you do have to use a lot of lemon, up to half a lemon per glass. and even that one is better with vodka imo.

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 21:59:31 2017 No.8730846

>>8729398
Stop drinking [heavily] and work on yourself, anon. Not for her, but for you -- self-deprecation doesn't look good on you. Invest yourself into your hobbies; work on your resume; get a better job or go back to school. Work at being somebody you'd respect and things WILL start to fall in line... how do you expect her to love you if you can't love yourself?

Not trying to be a motivational ass or anything, but I've been where you are and worked my way up out of that pit of despair quite a bit has helped me to realize these things. Have some self-worth, for everybody else's sake.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 22:03:47 2017 No.8730856 >>8724496 I fucked the objectively ugliest girl on a campus of 20,000 people and if you require evidence you are a truly sick, evil fuck

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 22:06:04 2017 No.8730862

>>8729676
>It's a long story why I was volunteering at a church but I wasn't drunk for that story. Just goes to show you don't need to be intoxicated to tune someone up.

This isn't a thread about times you got in fights, dumbass. Fucking christ. I'm not surprised you can't read, unfortunately.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 22:20:25 2017 No.8730915 >>8730856 evidence no, pic yes.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 22:22:14 2017 No.8730921 >>8730816 I remember really liking gin and tonic, which is why I bought gin. Next time I'll be smart and get vodka/tequila

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 23:01:46 2017 No.8731043 >>8730862 I was volenteering at a church as part of a drug recovery program. What now faggot?

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 23:04:50 2017 No.8731054 File: 1.19 MB, 665x1182, 1488935759407.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>8727535 holy shit I did the same thing, was too comfy to get out of bed.

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/ck/ - Food & Cooking