/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.8588652]

Why all the Golden Corral hate? Golden Corral is honestly better than a fucking movie.

I have a friend named Bruce. Bruce looks to be some kind of honest-to-God pirate at first
glance, and I mean Captain Jack Sparrow's crew pirate, and the ornery, mean old fucking pirate
you'd never, ever want to mess with because he'd bite your God-damned nose off and eat it. He's
also wildly into K-pop, choreographs his own dance routines to it, and in the last year or two
has started just basically eating like a Korean, which apparently means shitloads of vegetables
and cabbage. Anyway, Bruce goes to Golden Corral like 2x a week, which I thought was kind of strange
due to his new health kick, so finally I asked him about it.

"Dude," he said. "Golden Corral has a shitload of vegetables, and their cabbage is great. But
you're missing the point. You don't go to Golden Corral just for the food. It's fucking dinner theater."

And you know what? He's right. For $12 you can sit and watch some of the most hilarious, downright
hellishly gluttonous behavior you will see outside the Plane of Fat in the Demonic Abyss. I went with
him one time and laughed so hard at some of the shit on display that now I go with him about once a
month, get a big plate of steak and another big plate of salad, stake out a spot where you can see
most of the buffets (and oh for fucking sure the CHOCOLATE WONDERFALL) and just observe the kind of
unbelievably self-indulgent (and self-destructive) shit that would make a European or Southeast Asian's
person head explode off their shoulders in horror and make someone with a "sick sad world" sense of
humor laugh their ass off.

Someone, say, like me.

[Anonymous No.8588659]

For example, the very first time I went with Bruce I was witness to "the recon." This is a real thing,
and what I am about to describe is not an isolated incident, no sirree. Humongously fat people will
literally go scout the buffet. Now, I think we all do this to some extent at a buffet, in the "Hmm,
what do they have to eat here?" glance-while-walking-to-the-table sense, but this is done with military
precision, people. I've watched with my own eyes three people, all of whom were 300 lbs+, meet briefly
and talk, then split up and go to the buffets, carefully eyeballing each selection, lips moving, fingers
pointing, as if cataloging the unearthly delights that await them, then fucking meeting back up in the
same place to discuss what they saw and plan an attack. I'm serious. They were like 10 feet away.

"Guys it looks like the fried chicken tonight is coming out pretty fast, pretty sure that stuff's going
to be good, but the rotisserie is just kind of hanging out. Pulled pork was kind of crusty but I think
if we dug down a bit there's good stuff there. There was a bit of a crust on the edge of the brown gravy
and someone dropped some fucking broccoli in it but the white gravy's looking fine. Outside of that, hot
bar A looks good. And of course the bourbon chicken looks good as always."

[Anonymous No.8588737]

>he thinks he can shitpost
>he thinks he's tough enough

Just think about that for a fucking minute. OK, frankly, it sounds pretty delicious, but holy shit how horrid does something like that have to be for you? Imagine trying to shit that out a few hours down the line. But now you have your third plate, and so now you can at least quiet the yammering fear that you won't get to eat everything in the entire God-damned place before it closes down for the night, and at last you can finally start to eat.

Again, this is not fantasy. I've watched this multiple times. I've seen a woman so fat she had to use a walker to move sit by herself at a 4-person table and completely cover the surface of it with plates of food before she started eating, and she cleaned every last one of them. It has the same uneasy, somehow alien fascination of seeing a car wreck, or a really hosed-up porn where the chick is wearing spider prosthetics and hissing all the fucking time. You're like, am I really supposed to be entertained by this? I kind of feel bad, and sort of weird, but... I mean, just fucking look at it. It's brutal, unchained nihilism unfettered from any concept of moderation or shame or self-preservation and frankly it's kind of fascinating watching someone deliberately say "fuck any sort of a comfortable life, WHERE IS THE THOUSAND ISLAND CONTAINER?"

[Anonymous No.8588756]

>>8588652
http://www.pjwnex.us/media/text/Golden_Corral.txt

[Anonymous No.8588760]

>>8588652
I remember reading this a few years ago. Was it on a separate web page?

[Anonymous No.8588814]

Quality over quantity

Pretty fucking easy

[Anonymous No.8589320]

>>8588652
I've said it before..I'll say it again..Reason I am fat is Golden Corral. I will go up to the buffet at least 4 times a visit and always load up on their mashed potatoes. I'll admit it I'm obese, 339lbs. It's largely the fault of society. I admit that it is partially my fault because I can't stop eating but I would say it is 80% the fault of society. Society made me this way. I was abused heavily as a child and sexually too. My parents were horrible and my brother sadistic. I had difficulty opening up to people all the time and still do. By the time I was 18 I was only 5'6, and 127lbs, balding, and with a dick slightly longer than 4 inches and not much better girth. But I mean I was not fat at the time, people said I had a nice face/funny personality and my hair was only beginning to recede. I managed to meet a girl. We were together for 3 years and it took me 2.5 years to open up to her fully. Then I caught her cheating and she ripped me apart. She used my past against me and made me feel horrible and she would demean me behind my back sexually to her friends. And then whenever I tried to meet other women they wouldn't even give me second thought because all they could see was a disgusting short, bald emotionally broken wreck. So no, I don't fucking care if I am obese you fucking faggots. SOCIETY MADE ME LIKE THIS. And all the fucking ADVERTISING of muscular attractive tall men in movies and commercials reinforces what is fucking almost unattainable for most because they don't have perfect genetics. So now I eat tons of food because it is the only thing that makes me feel ok and I like to drink a lot of gin/vodka and when I can get it I take oxycotin, and vicodin. I hate this world i ate this world i fucking HATE THIS WORLD and I fucking HATE women and I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF YOU JUDGE ME FUCK ALL OF YOU

[Anonymous No.8589331]

>>8588652
With smartphones you can download media and keep yourself entertained while you settle, rest, and prepare for rounds 2,3,4,5 and 6. You have something to do instead of just sitting there.

[Anonymous No.8589955]

Ive been to Golden Corral exactly one time. In this visit I saw some big "gonna lose her foot" lady fill her plate with meats on the bottom layer, sides like macaroni and mashed potatoes on the middle layer and then topped it off with deserts. I was astounded then but she wasn't done. She proceeded to take her plate and place it directly into the chocolate fountain with conveyer belt precision completely covering her "meal" in sauce. The guy working there just said "you can't do that" in the most defeated way that confirmed that this was not the first occurrence. I finally understood why they had defibrillators on the walls

[Anonymous No.8589976]

>>8589320
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsXTt0M21C0
Johnny was fat even as a child everybody could tell
Everyone said if you don't get straight you'll weigh more than Adele

[Anonymous No.8590014]

>>8588652
the people
seriously they are all uncultured swine

[Anonymous No.8590024]

stale pasta from old website.

[Anonymous No.8590653]

>>8590014
I like uncultured swine. I also think Bruce is a genius.

[Anonymous No.8590839]

White people y'all.

Make America great again!

[Anonymous No.8591904]

GC is like the applebees of buffets. If you live in a large city you can probably find cheaper buffets with better quality

[Anonymous No.8592346]

Dinner and lunch are awful at GC, but breakfast is pretty decent. I usually only see older people and church folks during breakfast and the food isn't bad, either. My only complaint would be that they don't use real eggs for the scrambled eggs, but they do have an omelette bar so its not all that awful.