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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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8317034 No.8317034 [Reply] [Original]

This man kicks down your door and storms into your kitchen and demands a meal.

What do you do and or make for him?

>> No.8317044

Beautifully pink Rack of lamb ruined by an overpowering red wine sauce

>> No.8317055

I shoot him in the kneecap for invading my home. And give him a nice police escort.

>> No.8317062

>>8317055
>Aiming for the legs.
>Not magdumping into his center of mass.
>Not dumping a can of chili on his body before the cops come.
>Not telling the cops he died of heartburn.

>> No.8317093

>>8317055
>>8317062
>shooting a michelin starred chef
>not enslaving him to be you private chef

>> No.8317095

A knuckle sandwich

>> No.8317098

>>8317095
He used to be a boxer, heh nice try kiddo

>> No.8317100

>>8317093
Marcus is a clever one. He would find a way out in no time

>> No.8317117

>>8317100
>He escapes using only a steel, corn holders, and a cutting board.

>> No.8317123

>Marcus will never look at you and say your cooking was good

hmm

I could please Greg Wallace easy enough but no one cares about him. Also fuck Monica Gelato she's famous for being a female p.o.c. sous chef under Michel Roux Jr. literally nothing acheived by herself.

>> No.8317129

>>8317034
some packet ramen and eggs and offer to suck his dick to not hurt me ;_;

>> No.8317135

>>8317098
I actively box, pfsh nice try kiddo

*Dempsey rolls behind u*
*gazelle punch*

Once again I've crushed a worthless object

>> No.8317153

>>8317123
Greg Wallace is being held against his will. Monica Guillotine is abusing Greg's poor innocence

>> No.8317837

>>8317034
I would make him some eggs

>> No.8317838

>>8317153
...I'll trade placed with him.

>> No.8317845

>>8317034
lol my door is made from steel and has a reinforced frame. This guy isn't kicking down shit. It's more like:

>Faggot kicks my door
>hurts food
>gets shot by my neighbors because they think it's a Mexican burglar
>Cops show up
>Can't get into my house now because it's crime scene
>Cops there for hours

GEE, THANKS ASSHOLE

>> No.8317848

>>8317034
nescafe 3in1 instant coffee to pass the time while i make instant noodles with lukewarm water

>> No.8317850

>>8317845
Where do you live, Syria?

>> No.8317867

>>8317850
just an average day in new africa

>> No.8320057
File: 49 KB, 640x480, 1471673522115.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8320057

>>8317095
I actually laughed out loud

>> No.8320077

>>8317034
Is that the villain from King of Kong?

>> No.8320109

Rice with Sauerkraut and butter. That's all i have atm. Who is that btw?

>> No.8320117

>>8320109
wait a sec butter is gone as of yesterday.

>> No.8320131

I kneel, suck his dick, and then cook him a flat iron I have in the freezer.

>> No.8320166

>Who is that btw?
The inventor of the McChicken

>> No.8320196

>>8317135
>*he teleports behind you*

>> No.8320199
File: 42 KB, 1280x720, jr.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8320199

This man kicks down your door and storms into your kitchen and demands a meal.

What do you do and or make for him?

>> No.8320223

Uh, I guess make him that sick nasty sandwich I made yesterday. Toasted sourdough, bacon, brie, thrown under broiler to melt the brie, topped with home made sauerkraut and a thousand island type thing I whipped up with some home made pickle, gochujang and fish sauce in it. That thousand island was retarded. It was delicious beyond compare.

Would this please the home invader?

>> No.8320999

>>8320199
Rimjob

>> No.8321817

>>8317055
God bless America, where we are allowed to defend our home from marauding chefs from Perfidious Albion

>> No.8321819

>>8317867
>>8317845

>new africa

Detroit huh?

>> No.8321835

>>8317034
Wathever I make him it's going to have enough poison to kill him in one bite

>> No.8321839
File: 38 KB, 599x222, 1473447789517.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8321839

>>8321819

>> No.8322087

>>8320223
Huh?

>> No.8322608

>>8322087
Hm?

>> No.8322698

>>8322608
Wha?

>> No.8322703

>>8322698
Wuh?

>> No.8322709

>>8322703
Uh?

>> No.8322717

>>8322709
Umm?

>> No.8322724

>>8322717
Hrmn?

>> No.8322726

>>8322717
Que?

>> No.8322731

>>8322724
>>8322726
Erm?

>> No.8322734

>>8322731
Errr?

>> No.8322741

>>8322734
Ahh?

>> No.8322745

>>8322741
uhh

>> No.8322793

>>8322745
duh?

>> No.8323017
File: 106 KB, 500x375, milk steak with jelly beans.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8323017

>>8317034
Dinner is served.

>WA LA!

>> No.8323046

>>8317034
I'd probably grab my baseball bat and tell him the fuck out of my house before I bash his head in.

You don't kick down my door and tell me to do shit in my house.

>> No.8323063
File: 288 KB, 1000x1000, D7C6CD8B-5BC2-4D84-A834-BE71B5386A8C-17543-00001A585687DBB6_tmp.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8323063

>>8323046

>> No.8323095

>open fridge
>take out big bowl of salad
>put some in a smaller bowl
>mix up some vinaigrette

easy

>> No.8323205

>>8323063
Would you like someone kicking your door down and giving you orders in your home?

Fuck a Michelin star, you don't come into my house like that.