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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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8178924 No.8178924[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

About 6 months ago I started doing shit pranks at work. It started off innocently: I ate an enormous amount of beet salad and took a monster log at work. I looked down and the red pigment was bleeding out into the water and I just couldn’t flush it, I wanted to show it off.

I went on a beet kick and left plenty of red shits in the bowl, to the point where someone left a note in the stall that “the person with the bloody stool should see a gastroenterologist” lol.

Anyway, I started doing themed shits: corn, Kool-Aid, chlorophyll supplements, asparagus (for the piss smell), etc. My diet actually improved from this. Most of the blame went on some dastardly summer co-op student, but now it’s clear it is a permanent worker. The best part is that we have politically correct “gender neutral” washrooms now, so chicks bear witness to my ultra shits.

However, the heat is getting too strong and I have to stop or else I’ll be caught if I keep it up. Does /ck/ have any ideas for a swan song shit? My one last nuclear dump?

Thanks

>> No.8178984

>>8178924
Big white/yellow liver failure shit

Spooky wopper and red wine for the green goodness

I also find having chili with shit loads (excuse the pun) of kidney beans swallowed whole can give a fucking frightening appearance to your shit. Looks like the thing caught fire and died in the toilet. Did one like that so big it built up like a volcanic island and broke the surface of the water.

>> No.8178996

>>8178924
I got you senpai. You need to eat a container of black icing. Yes black icing. That shit will make the most unnatural looking terrifying shit you can imagine.

>> No.8179011

>>8178996
>I got you senpai. You need to eat a container of black icing. Yes black icing. That shit will make the most unnatural looking terrifying shit you can imagine.
This sounds very interesting, I may do a test run over the weekend.

>>8178984
How can one replicate a liver failure shit? Kidney beans are a good idea, the textured shits are nice.

>> No.8179037

>>8178996
this
save a little icing to smear a message on the wall

something like "you'll never catch the shit bandit"

>> No.8179060

Blue food dye is safe to ingest.

How about nice puddle of blue piss

>> No.8179084

>>8178924
Get a jar of pickles and a gallon of milk. Wake up a few hours before work. Eat as many pickles as you can. Drink all the pickle juice from the jar. On the way to work drink milk. And only milk. Then wait.

>> No.8179133

Not food related at all but I had a friend in high school who smeared shit all over like 3 different bathroom walls over a week's period

He would write "feces fantom" in his own shit all over the wall. The best part was that he was one of the kids that no one knows so no one ever suspected him. It was pretty gnarly seeing his own poop all over the wall tho, smelled awful

>> No.8179156

>>8179133
Let me guess....did he have to get a psyc exam after?

>> No.8179159

>>8178924
Titanic portions of meat and cabbage
Several containers of garlic chili paste, kimchi, and as many whole beans as you can handle
If you feel dangerous enough to get food poisoning, bad clams will stink up the place for a good while
Yogurt followed by as much greasy food and broccoli (don't chew all the way) as you can stomach

>>8178996
I need to know what this looks like

>> No.8179163

>>8179133
He belongs in a David Foster Wallace short story.

>> No.8179195
File: 877 KB, 1836x3264, IMAG0189.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8179195

>>8179159
Here you go.

>> No.8179199

>>8179195
This was from 2 cupcakes with black frosting. So a full can would be just horrible to see.

>> No.8179207

>>8179195
Jesus. I'm assuming that it's blue because the "black" is just an ultra-concentrated blue or something, but that's fucked up. I like that you can see one scrap of shit peeping out from the depths like some sort of aberrant sub-oceanic creature.

>>8179199
I now NEED to see the results of the full can.

>> No.8179206

take a shit in a gallon ziploc and dump it at work
if you're there for like, 30 seconds nobody will suspect you and you get to make sure it's a good shit
you can even save up

>> No.8179224

>>8179060
I worked as a camp cook for a few years and would sneak blue food coloring into people's food. The lifeguard asked me why his shit was blue.

On a related note, I once ate an entire box of the captain crunch that was all crunch berries. The one where they were all red, blue, and purple. My next poop looked like teal and violet play doh rolled into shit logs.

You could also eat nothing but canned corn for a few days. I have a picture of when I did this somewhere, I'll post it as soon as I find it.

>> No.8179237
File: 84 KB, 2048x1152, 1529873_10202226796204926_1561243855_o.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8179237

>>8179224
Found it.

>> No.8179243

>>8178924
What happens if you get caught?

>> No.8179245

eat nothing but pumpkin seeds.

>> No.8179248

>>8179237

did your body thank you for all the micro nutrients?

>> No.8179249
File: 59 KB, 500x500, 1467996865520.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8179249

S A V A G E

>> No.8179254

>>8179237
what work toilet had those shitter pads?

those are pretty much designated to old fucks

do you live with your parents/grandparents and possibly just dumped a can of corn in the toilet

>> No.8179399

>>8179254
My grandma is in her last months, and I'm taking care of her so this was our toilet at the time. I did this for four days so I was leaving this everywhere.

>> No.8179414

>>8178924
Ive uses a gender neutral restroom at my college. No one ever locks the door so I walk in and the girls don't even give a shit. It's crazy fun. Maybe one day when I'm feeling more adventurous I'll actually use it.

>> No.8179424

>>8179414

>Ive uses a gender neutral restroom

Your story is odd.

>> No.8179447

>>8179206

I can't see it ending well.
>OP is driving his four, loaded gallon bags to work on the big day
>goes to make a left, and gets jackknifed
>the four gallons of assorted horror feces detonated upon impact
>a blob of gummy, fetid navy blue shit, like some sort of washed up sea slug, is embedded in the dashboard
>a chalky, cadmium red paste with wild streaks of pastel colors has shot over the entire front of the car as though fired from a blunderbuss, dispatch left unsure how much blood was released pre-crash versus post-crash
>the back seat is now a swamp of bile-yellow tar, flecks of corn and half digested onions trapped in it like prehistoric culinary beasts trapped in the tar pits
>the final bag was pale and sickly, like an uncooked bread dough mixed with White Out, ejected from the car like a cannon shot, killing a boy as it struck a passing car in another lane

>> No.8179473

>>8178996
Pepto bismol gives you black shit too.

>> No.8179476

>>8179447
this sounds like a shitty parody scene from dexter

>> No.8179481

>>8178924
Mexican food dhiarrea bonanza

>> No.8179492

Eat a couple heads of lettuce. That will provide a huge amount of fiber and provide considerable extra volume to your poop. You could probably drop a log 2 feet long.

>> No.8179573
File: 93 KB, 755x696, 1455343817942.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8179573

>>8179447
The entire fucking post

>> No.8179662

>>8178924
> Does /ck/ have any ideas for a swan song shit? My one last nuclear dump?

Upper Decker.

>> No.8179763

>>8179662
This. It will allow you to get away undetected more easily.

>> No.8179775

Ha ha. OP , that made me laugh. Grape soda creates a nice green colored shit.

>> No.8179776

You people are sick

>> No.8179818

Also,when you wipe and you have some shit on the paper, wave it around a bit for extra stink transfer.

>> No.8179838

>take dump in toilet
>quickly waddle to next stall to wipe / for alibi

>> No.8179854

>>8179037
lost thanks for this

>> No.8179859

>>8179447
holy kek dude spare my sides please

>> No.8180019

>>8179133
I went to high school with a kid who used to shit on a frisbee and put in the the drink receptical of vending machines.

He got caught. and everyone found out.

>> No.8180024

>>8179473
holy shit does it ever

>> No.8180035
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8180035

>> No.8180040

>>8179473
You shouldn't be drinking that much pepto bismol. The ingredients can deteriorate the lining of your intestines and lead to infection.

>> No.8180063

>>8179662
Most work shitters don't have a tank, as much as I would love to hear the results of a thousand flushes blue upper decker.

>> No.8180065
File: 1.07 MB, 1920x2560, 1009161958.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8180065

>meta
>ilovethisthreadsomuch.jopg

include me in the screencap.
pic unrelated its my apple pie.
if cuckjanitor deletes this thread its war, this board has had enough

>> No.8180076

Drink nothing but piña colada mix and don't eat for a day or two

>> No.8180112

>>8180063
depends on the building. Every day I'm tempted to use a bathroom on another floor and topload my morning big runny al/ck/ beer dump.

OP sounds like he works in an office. Make it happen OP. Make a stew in the tank of a monster turd and whatever else you can concoct. Pics or it didnt happen, of course.

>> No.8180138

>>8179037

So you went to Don Bosco, eh?

>> No.8180143

>>8179133

The Don Bosco Shit Bandit

>> No.8180189
File: 158 KB, 718x861, 1410528966692.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8180189

>>8178924
You might like this.
Also, I collect images of legendary turds if you feel like adding a few to my collection then I will be more than happy to take them in.

>> No.8180195
File: 974 KB, 1999x2500, 1371387970211.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8180195

>>8178924
And heres a set from a nice anon that spent an entire year working on this toilet time

>> No.8180199
File: 1.10 MB, 2592x1936, 1406020601531.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8180199

>>8179195
>>8179237
Nice!
A tad bit small but still pretty nonetheless.
Is it okay if I have them?

>> No.8180202

>>8178924
Contrive a reason for a doctor to give you a barium meal. Not only will your next few shits be ghastly pale, but they will be practically impossible to flush.

>> No.8180512

Corn and beets

>> No.8180583

>>8180065
Do people unironically ask to be included in screencaps or am I just not picking up on it from this one?

>> No.8180834

>>8180202
>they will be practically impossible to flush.
why is this?

>> No.8180930

>>8179011
Gotta lay the groundwork, anon. If you want it badly enough make it happen.

>> No.8180957
File: 103 KB, 600x800, uc davis sol image.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8180957

This will never be topped

>> No.8180970

>>8179424
I meant to say I've been inside of a gender neutral restroom

>> No.8180972

Eat nothing but MREs until you're ready to burst. You will crack the bowl, and spray the walls with blood from your torn asshole.

>> No.8180976

>>8179037
>kind of disgusted by thread
>read this and burst out laughing

>> No.8180997

>>8178924
Just drink a stupid amount of alcohol. My hangover shits are the most awful, putrid, sour smells ever.

>> No.8181026

>>8180997
Basically this. Any alcoholic can tell you just how bad it is.

>> No.8181048

>>8180834
because you are basically shitting out concrete after consuming barium.

>> No.8181871
File: 160 KB, 730x594, 1455568222773.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8181871

>>8179492
will this really work? i'm not OP but i want to shit out a huge landwolf-tier log

>> No.8181872

>>8180997
do this and have a huge meal of taco bell. beef, not chicken

guaranteed you'll have the loosest, foulest shit ever conceived by man

>> No.8181891

>>8180997
>>8181872
Third degenerate drunk chiming in to confirm these one hundred percent

>> No.8181956

Aspartame in large quantities is guaranteed to give you the most liquid shits you can imagine.
Drank .2 liters of basically highly concentrated sweetener once, legit thought the rest of my body would come out my ass after 15 long minutes of muddy waterfalls and stinky warm blizzard.
Felt clean as fuck afterwards too.

>> No.8182025

>>8181871
It might. I've gotten in the habit of eating a daily lunch salad made from 1/2 a romaine heart. Helps me take a non-wishy washy dump shortly after waking up, reducing the "think your done 20 minutes late have to go back and finish the job" situations. I go for 3 hour plus bike rides and having numerous times had to take a dump on the side of a gravel road, like to be certain the system is clear before heading out. Salad lunch also cuts down on fast food lunches due to laziness.

A few times when I ate two of my salads in the same day I had a sizable dump that just came out in one long single log. Pretty soft though and a bit fuzzy looking due to all the undigested fiber.

>> No.8182036

>>8181891
4th. Dark red wines and spicy greasy read meats and lots of pickled foodstuffs will give you rancid fetid soft serve shits.

Think tater tots drenched in malt vinegar. Loads of cheap red box wine. Chorizo tacos loaded with onions and hot sauce. Beer boiled fiery ramen noodles with fermented spicy ferment bean paste. Sardines in mustard sauce. Fuck solid poop binding fiber.

You want to shit out flaming hot squirts of explosive fecal matter. The kind of foulness that you either need a couple boxes of wet wipes or a shower nearby to even feel half way clean again.

>> No.8182064

Once bought a glass of pesto and ate with some pasta. Next days poop looked like it had mould on it, I almost panicked. Wtf. Then remembered the pesto.

>> No.8182092

guys why does my poop smell like imitation blueberries

>> No.8182147

>>8180957
Was this really at UC Davis? I go there and it makes me proud that something so beautiful ever graced our humble campus.

>> No.8182192

One time when I was around 16 I was playing NeoPet or some shit and eating flavored chewable vitamin C... one after the other.

I must have eaten like 20-30 grams, no exaggeration. Suddenly my stomach lurched and I had crazy diarrhea.

Probably not that unsafe and the results are predictable.

>> No.8182198

>>8180957
lol wow, just wow

>> No.8182215

>>8179447
I lost so hard I got a headache. Thank you!

>> No.8182287

>>8180970
Its really no big deal.

>> No.8182320

>>8181871
If you want a gigantic shit you need to take psyllium husk powder

>> No.8182367

>>8179447
Mother fucker just made me inhale Moxie, dat shit burns yo!

>> No.8183286
File: 1.98 MB, 164x275, 1370860444736.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8183286

>>8180957
no but this comes close

>> No.8183290
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8183290

>>8183286
fuck,
wrong one

>> No.8183303

>>8180957
I don't even understand how that is physically possible

>> No.8184898
File: 262 KB, 600x800, SPM_A0034.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
8184898

>>8180199

Got some classics from my poo folder for you, anon. I'll try to include the recipes to keep it /ck/-relevant.

This one was a diet of two midnight subway footlongs, heavy on the meat, coupled with some hardcore gaming and ignoring of the body's urge to defecate to ensure good compaction