What a Fedora Imagines When He Orders Black Coffee

[Anonymous No.7516913]

>*A portly fellow in a flame shirt waddles to the counter of a Starbucks*
>"What would you like sir?"
>*The atheist squints around the coffee bar, his hands at the sides of his khaki shorts like he had two holsters. With one hand he expertly pulls out his wallet and with the other, he brings the tip of his hat down before placing his order*
>"Coffee. Black."
>*A hush falls over the patrons and staff. Women gush in their panties as whispers from men can't believe what's transpiring. The barista looks like he's about to faint, his grip on the cup furiously shaking as he slides it over the counter to our hero*
>*The cheetoh avenger slaps down a sticky five and a quarter with his hamhock fist before mumbling to no one that they should "keep the change", knowing he's a far better human being than people that put sugar or milk in their coffee*

[Anonymous No.7516918]

>>7516913
Show us on the doll where the bad atheist touched you, godfag.

[Anonymous No.7516921]

>>7516913
Non fedora here, I order coffee black and request my coffee black. It's not a big deal and it doesn't make you a fedora tipper.
If you were a female that was ordering coffee black that might be another thing. Every woman I know orders her coffee with all sorts of bullshit in it to the point where some of them are embarrassed to order it at Starbucks. Mah extra shot with the blending and the white shot instead of etc etc.
Literally no one gives a fuck if you are a male ordering it black. Also get the americano at starbucks, it's better. You also don't have to say I'd like mah black coffee.

[Anonymous No.7516922]

>>7516913
Are you going to post this every fucking day? Fucking crossposters.

[Anonymous No.7516928]

>>7516921
It makes more sense for women to order coffee black if they're trying to lose weight because it has 1-2 calories without all the bullshit.

[Anonymous No.7516935]

>>7516928
>Implying women make sense.
>zing

[Anonymous No.7516936]

>>7516913
>mfw i drink ice cold black coffee

[Anonymous No.7516938]

>>7516936
>mfw I drink quadshots of espresso on ice, get rekt faggot.

[Anonymous No.7516943]

>>7516935
>implying I'm after poonanny for life without a secure sense of pragmatism instilled in it

[Anonymous No.7516946]

>>7516943
>implying I said you were.

[Anonymous No.7516949]

>>7516946
>statements of an implicative nature

[Anonymous No.7516951]

These threads are always hilarious to me because I know exactly what the OP looks like, drinking his white coffee with extra cream and sugar.

I've worked at several different coffee shops (both cafes and Starbucks) over the years and it's always the obese flyovers getting coffee with room/cream/sweetener, whereas it's younger college guys or skinny old men that get it black.

[Anonymous No.7516972]

>no cream...
>no sugar...

[Anonymous No.7517018]

>>7516913
>"I loooooooove coffee!"
>proceeds to add 20 packets of sugar and 30 creamers

Why do people do this?
They also have the hall to call those srarbucks girly ice cream frappes "coffee"

[Anonymous No.7517037]

>>7517018
who gives a shit? anyone who talks like that is probably about 15 years old. do you hang out with a lot of 15 year olds? maybe you're 15 yourself.

[Anonymous No.7517042]

>>7516918
>i created the universe through my own enlightenment

[Anonymous No.7517061]

Implying they think twice about you ordering it back. They have the little stand 5 feet away where you can add your own creme sugar half & half... And they probably just assume you're going to walk over there and do it yourself because you want it just right. It's 2016, literally no one gives a fuck what anyone else does because we're all too busy only thinking of ourselves.

[Anonymous No.7517065]

>>7517061
This is just OP's daily autistic arm-flailing session. He used to do it about people ordering water at a restaurant, and then people ordering steak as anything but dripping with blood. Now he cries about another thing some people do.

[Anonymous No.7517079]

>2016
>drinking any form of coffee
>not drinking tea
>not drinking water
>not eating better
>not sleeping better
shiggy

[Anonymous No.7517088]

>>7517079

>wasting your time shit posting on the Internet. Even if you are doing all those good things you're still wasting your life and time and living wrong. Fap and goto bed and get it over with, pussy nigga.

[Anonymous No.7517091]

>I don't drink coffee in any form
>I prefer tea
>also water
>I watch what I eat
>I'm a NEET so I can sleep whenever I want
shiggy

[Anonymous No.7517100]

>>7517091
>haha nerd you probably watch what you eat and don't shovel food into your face every hour

Oh my feelings are hurt

[Anonymous No.7517101]

>>7516913
the fat autist (i.e. you) is more likely to order with milk and sugar than black. people order black because they don't want the extra calories from the cream and sugar.

[Anonymous No.7517145]

Starbucks barista here. Fedoras always get chai tea lattes. It's literally just slightly spicy calorie water lel.

[Anonymous No.7517175]

So here's a question for baristas in this thread.

If I was to order a large quintuple latte...

That's a large cup of steamed milk... and then 5 shots of espresso, right?

That can't be used to quench thirst, could it?

[Anonymous No.7517190]

>>7517175
coffee doesn't quench your thirst, it makes you more thirsty desu

it's like drinking hot cocoa, only without the diabeetus

[Anonymous No.7517236]

I like my coffee like I like my women. Tsundere.
>Coffee is strong and acerbic around other people.
>Coffee is sweet and tender when alone.

[Anonymous No.7517291]

>having black coffee at starbucks

top jej, the only thing that chain is good at is sugary & fatty shit.

[Anonymous No.7517305]

>>7517291
I quite enjoy their drip. Have you even tried it?

[Anonymous No.7517334]

>>7517175
You can get it iced and it'll help

[Anonymous No.7517364]

>not just ordering a redeye

[Anonymous No.7517370]

>>7517145
I favor Papa Nichols over starbucks, but I usually get a dirty chai, a double in a 12oz or 4 in 16