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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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7123685 No.7123685 [Reply] [Original]

I haven't shit in a week.
What foods will help clean me out?

>> No.7123688


>> No.7123689


>> No.7123691

sugar free gummybears

>> No.7123694

cof bin dub ho muhfugga

>> No.7123712


>> No.7123719

not all food, but at the same time you should drink coffee, smoke a cig and chew some gum.
will drip out, post results

>> No.7123727

A few glasses of water and a walk.

>> No.7123729

once i coincidentally ate large servings of sauteed choy sum, broccoli, and beans in a single day

i didnt sleep much that night and had to leave a window open the whole time

>> No.7123733

coffee makes me shit in like 30 minutes

>> No.7123739

cut out as much soluble fiber as is reasonable (exception being prunes, which work in this case). eat foods high in insoluble fiber to stimulate the digestive tract. https://www.prebiotin.com/resources/fiber-content-of-foods/

drink tons of water. drink coffee.

>> No.7123855

3 tbsp dry chia seeds should do the trick

>> No.7123891

if it's been a week then see a doctor because you could have a bowel blockage and using laxatives (or foods that have a laxative effect) could rupture your bowel and send toxic poop into your organs.

>> No.7123992


Listen up OP. Last night I ended up having to visit the ER because of constipation. I was so fucking clogged I couldn't even get a suppository in because my shit was trying to push itself out but couldn't because it was to big to fucking make it out of my asshole. I could barely walk, and the ER doctor had to glove up and dig around in my fucking ass to get it manageable. Easily the most painful experience in my entire life, get your shit checked out because its not fun.

>> No.7124003


A few years ago, I went to the movies with a package of sugar-free Twizzlers. Halfway through the movie, I was on the toilet and stayed there for 3 hours. I felt like I had shit out all of my organs. I walked home from the theater and slept for 18 hours.

>> No.7124603

Don't do so much heroin(opiates OP. I still remember the constipation I got from the pain relief drugs after a hernia surgery ... when I was six years old (34 years ago)

>> No.7124621


>> No.7124648

In all seriousness, if you've been eating normally but still haven't shit in a week, it is time to see a doctor. Don't fuck around with this.

I just went through something somewhat similar, but I also wasn't eating anything, or what little I did eat I'd just vomit within hours. In my case this was caused by kidney failure after stones had caused a complete blockage. I almost died just over a week ago, and spent a few days in the hospital getting my kidneys back to working condition.

>> No.7124736
File: 404 KB, 565x539, 1407746325644.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>L.A. Beast
My nigga

>> No.7124745

Go to a doctor.

>> No.7124755

I used to only be able to shit once a week due to a bad diet. Feels good to shit every day now.

>> No.7124756

This sounds absolutely horrifying

>> No.7124759

>I haven't shit in a week.

WTF? Seriously? I agree with the others who recommend that you get to a doctor, pronto.

>> No.7124762

I only went every 5 or so days as a kid. It was a vicious cycle of my butthole being too shredded to release matter, and my shits becoming so big that they'd shred my butthole.

>> No.7124772

Drink a few glasses of apple juice.

>> No.7124807

Coffee, plus start eating oats and whey in the morning, preferably strawberry.

>> No.7124897

I was in the hospital for 2 days for pancreatitis, and they gave me dilaudid, plus I couldn't drink or eat anything, only IV drip. I was so fucking constipated when I got out, I felt like this guy >>7123992, and practically broke my ass getting that shit out.

>> No.7124947
File: 413 KB, 464x700, 1419891737410.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.7125047


>> No.7125068

step aside plebs, here's the master list:

>oatmeal with raisins
>ask for UNSWEETENED, iced, green tea form starbucks (this will make your anus a geyser, you've been warned)
>fresh hot coffee
>egg drop soup
>sugarfree gummybears
>bran cereal
>masturbation can seriously help

also if you havent shit in a week its almost a wonder how youre even alive, see a doctor.

>> No.7125082

>i'm constipated
>well have you tried masturbating?

>> No.7125175

People have already suggested a bunch of food, but if you get really desperate you can try a laxative pill like dulcolax or some such. Be careful though, depending on how constipated you are, you may be in for a lot of pain as the mass scrapes your insides.

>> No.7125183

I find kale is a wonder for this. Like scouring pads for your guts.

>> No.7125194

Coffee doesn't work.
go to any pharmacy and get a bottle of magnesium citrate.
drink it and guaranteed you will be shitting on a few hours.
if you go to a Doctor he will say the same thing.
you can even get it from WalMart for a dollar

>> No.7125541

OP here.
Drank two glasses of prune juice.
Took about 30 minutes.

Feeling a lot better now.

>> No.7125554

There's a lot of suggestions already in this thread, but before you do any of that, take some stool softeners and drink a lot of water.

>> No.7125565

Good for you, OP.
If you have regularity problems, it's always good to keep some prune juice AND a bottle of magnesium citrate on hand. Prune juice will relive mild to moderate constipation, mag citrate will relieve moderate to heavy constipation. Just good things to keep around like other first aid items.

>> No.7125577

Potatoes always make me shit my guts out.

Try some hash browns.

>> No.7125581

if that doesn't work you could always try some hash brownies

>> No.7125586

Drugs are bad, don't try that.

>> No.7125595

>implying weed is "drugs"

>> No.7125645

It is drugs.

Do you know what a drug even is?

>> No.7125662
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>> No.7125684

No shit story?

>> No.7125689

We both know that it is by definition a drug, but
I also think we both knew what I meant.

Caffeine is a drug, water is a drug, food is a drug, those are all bad? No. Therefore not all drugs are bad. I agree that "serious" drugs are probably bad for you, but weed is not a serious drug by any measure. You'd know this if you've ever taken a real drug.

>> No.7125695

Water and food are not drugs.

>> No.7125697

Is it seriously bad to not shit in a week?

I only take weekly shits.

>> No.7125701

I figured you'd do that. Though, by definition they actually are. Here are some other examples: Anesthetic, Penicillin, Antibiotics, Anabolic Steroids, Vaccines
If you think those are bad you're an idiot.

>> No.7125710

Somebody sounds assblasted.

>> No.7125723


So you think those are bad?

>> No.7125724
File: 70 KB, 550x367, redleaflettuce.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Or just eat something fiber rich at least once a day.

Red leaf lettuce, for example, is pretty tasteless. Chop up a few leaves and put them on or in something.

>> No.7125739

I'm not the person you were replying to, just pointing out how assblasted you sound.

>> No.7125758
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>> No.7125782

I'm confused, why do sugar free gummybears and other candies act like laxatives? What could they have possibly put in there in place of sugar that made it laxativy? Or is there some chemical mumbo jumbo that happens when they remove sugar from the mix?

>> No.7125815

Weed is a psychotropic drug you dumb prick. Just because you're a retarded pothead who tries to rationalize it not as one doesn't mean it's not.

>> No.7125819

It's an herb

>> No.7125831
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>> No.7125836

Ideally, yes. But unfortunately, a lot of people don't like eating vegetables, particularly greens or other good fibrous vegetables. So, they better keep some home remedies around, like the prune juice and mag citrate. Plus, sometimes medications and other health issues cause constipation that can't be fixed with just roughage. But, in an ideal world, yeah, everyone would eat their vegetables and poop daily.

>> No.7125853

Some of them are.

You should let your body do what it does normally. Can get rid of most things those drugs help cure.

>> No.7125861

Same as oregano and thyme yes?

Not even a little bit Jamal.

>Cocaine is just a leaf. Not a drug.
>Poppies are just flowers. Not a drug.

Shut your pie hole. You don't know what drugs are, apparently.

>> No.7125865

Yes, and coca leaves are herbs, and poppy pods are vegetables. Are you joking me nigger?

>> No.7125886

But the difference is that with cocaine and opiates you have to go through steps and add shit or extract shit to use them as drugs. With pot you just pick off a piece and smoke it.

Now I consider thc oil a drug, since it's extracted chemicals from the plant, but pot itself is just an herb/plant.

>> No.7125895

Are you both fucking retarded? Yes they are both plants. They aren't drugs until you bring in 3rd parties. I'm pretty sure you can't even get drug effects from smoking/eating those, but you can with marijuana.

>> No.7125902

Usually I eat a bowl of Ramen and drink a glass of milk along with it. That usually has me going to the bathroom by the time I finish. Also, no, I'm not lactose intolerant.

>> No.7125922

so then weed isn't a drug

>> No.7125945

You can chew coca leaves and get almost the same effect as cocaine.

Are you this fucking dense?

You can't just pick a leaf off a Marijuana plant and smoke it to get high dumbass. You have to harvest and dry the THC containing part of the plant.

You seriously cannot be this stupid unless you are 13.

>> No.7125947

You don't even need to dry the bud, you can literally just pick it and smoke it.

>> No.7125959

You are literally stupid kiddo.


>> No.7125980

Take it from a CD counselor, you don't need to dry it to get the cocaine effect, although it's not the same intensity if it's been processed

>> No.7126018

>Take it from someone who doesn't bother to read.

I know you don't have to dry coca leaves for the effect. So cocaine and pot sold are the same thing. Drugs. Dried and processed plants. Not herbs.

>> No.7126050


The laxative effect comes from the artificial sweetener, in most cases sorbitol or xylitol. While it acts as a sweetener, the body isn't able to digest it in large quantities (typically > 10g), so when someone eats, say 5 pounds of sugarfree gummy bears, a literal shitstorm ensues.

>> No.7126107

Eat a couple bowls of All Bran followed by a large glass of warm water.

>> No.7126145

They're both. But stonerfag is a retard.

>> No.7126178

Add some psyllium husk to whatever you're eating


>> No.7126279

>If you have regularity problems
It was just recently because of Thanksgiving.
I've lived on leftover dressing and mac-n-cheese for a week, it's no wonder I was backed up.

>> No.7126303

Just eat some raw vegetables that are high in insoluble fiber like carrots, broccoli, cauliflower... You'll be regular within 8-10 hours.

>> No.7126390

We agree. Good to know. 13 year Olds need to be banned honestly.

>> No.7126458

Boiled cabbage

>> No.7126610
File: 121 KB, 1000x1000, 1371659903183.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>these weedfags getting BTFO

>> No.7126618
File: 282 KB, 768x1024, 3839871834_181a39d116_b.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

literally reddit: the post

>> No.7126635
File: 148 KB, 500x359, 57377338.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Oh shit, I got called out! Better say he's from reddit, that'll show him!

>> No.7126637

it was my first post in this thread, how exactly are you going to "call me out"?

I know you're from reddit because I have an account there. no, it's not for discussing weed. I don't use marijuana.

>> No.7126649
File: 72 KB, 589x548, AT_099473_1405194.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>I know you're from reddit because I have an account there
Whelp, that pretty much settled that.

>> No.7126654

>muh secret club
>muh fictional rivalry
many people go to both sites despite what /b/ taught you
I've also been coming here since 2005, you probably weren't even born yet

>> No.7126676
File: 43 KB, 240x240, sampd7d7cb71f34b0258.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>damage control still going strong

>> No.7126689
File: 45 KB, 614x506, 3QL2y.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

U mad, straw man, etc etc, yes I understand.

Here is another funny meme for your folder.

>> No.7126694

Top kek

>> No.7126706


you need to consume a lot of water. In the mouth and up the butt.

last time i had surgery. I had so much morphine and oxycodone. I didn't poop for 4 days. So I put saline enemas up my ass and a little while later, a baseball of rock hard poo came out. If I wasn't so full of percocet at the time. It might have hurt.

>> No.7126978

I had forgotten about this. Made me laugh all over again.

>> No.7126993
File: 145 KB, 550x539, 1446142630569.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


ahahaha! what a dank meme! i'm literally loling irl! hahaha! I saved your picture so here is on I am posting for you to save too!

xD (mfw your meme!)

>> No.7126994

Non starchy vegetables, coffee, garlic.

>> No.7127013

tbhfamlads I like that I can go straight to /r/lactation if I want a bunch of titty milk, I don't have to hope some anon is loving me from afar.

>> No.7127023

Cant believe nobody mentioned vitamin C. Vitamin C powder will clear you right out. If you arent even constipated but just want a nice poo after work, take 1000mg of vit C and enjoy your flowing magic poop.

>> No.7127064

i like you

>> No.7127070

you're a complete idiot

but also you can straight up eat poppies and coca leaf

you can just swallow raw opium or smoke it straight from the plant I do it all the time

>> No.7127213


I swear the people that watch this guy have either a gorging or vomiting fetish. There is no other appeal

>> No.7127510


this always works for me

>> No.7127524

>haven't shit in a week.
Did you get so drunk on thanx giving that you forgot you put a butt plug in your pooper?

>> No.7127706
File: 682 KB, 1600x1200, vampire_hillary_clinton.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Have a picture of clinton, that should clear you out.

>> No.7127733

Fiber, lots of it.

If you haven't shit for a week you should go to the doctor, it may be a symptom of a perforated colon.

>> No.7127922

Drug means something like "chemical not strictly needed for the basic survival of an organism ingested to produce a certain effect."
So water and food are chemicals but not drugs.

People usually specify "hard drugs" when they mean the classification of substance that you'd be assblasted about putting weed in.

>> No.7128001

not shitting for a week is more of a health problem, you should've asked /fit/ dawg. but yeah reevaluate every drug you take, odds are one of them is the problem. normal people don't just not shit. also everyone recommending fiber could hurt him in the long run, remember if he can't shit then that fiber will be more likely to impact a colon.

>> No.7128288


>> No.7128800

Fruit & fiber one bars

>> No.7128925

Two cans of wolf brand chili
Some balsamic vinny
>a box of pasta
>crushes doritos
>a can of cheyboyardee extra big ravioli
>topped with two cans of black beans
>topped with green and red onion
>don't heat anything up,eat it cold and I promise you will shit it up
>cook the pasta though lol

>> No.7128939

Goji berries. Honestly, just eat a handful and youll shit a river

>> No.7128948


>> No.7128994


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