Guy Fieri Thread

[Anonymouse No.6931078]

Hey cu/ck/s, let's talk about our favorite chef, Guy Fieri and why he's better than any posers like Colonel Sanders or Gorden Ramsey

[Anonymous No.6931084]

GUY FIERI, have you eaten at your new restaurant in Times Square? Have you pulled up one of the 500 seats at Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar and ordered a meal? Did you eat the food? Did it live up to your expectations?

Did panic grip your soul as you stared into the whirling hypno wheel of the menu, where adjectives and nouns spin in a crazy vortex? When you saw the burger described as “Guy’s Pat LaFrieda custom blend, all-natural Creekstone Farm Black Angus beef patty, LTOP (lettuce, tomato, onion + pickle), SMC (super-melty-cheese) and a slathering of Donkey Sauce on garlic-buttered brioche,” did your mind touch the void for a minute?

Did you notice that the menu was an unreliable predictor of what actually came to the table? Were the “bourbon butter crunch chips” missing from your Almond Joy cocktail, too? Was your deep-fried “boulder” of ice cream the size of a standard scoop?

[Anonymous No.6931086]

What exactly about a small salad with four or five miniature croutons makes Guy’s Famous Big Bite Caesar (a) big (b) famous or (c) Guy’s, in any meaningful sense?

Were you struck by how very far from awesome the Awesome Pretzel Chicken Tenders are? If you hadn’t come up with the recipe yourself, would you ever guess that the shiny tissue of breading that exudes grease onto the plate contains either pretzels or smoked almonds? Did you discern any buttermilk or brine in the white meat, or did you think it tasted like chewy air?

Why is one of the few things on your menu that can be eaten without fear or regret — a lunch-only sandwich of chopped soy-glazed pork with coleslaw and cucumbers — called a Roasted Pork Bahn Mi, when it resembles that item about as much as you resemble Emily Dickinson?

When you have a second, Mr. Fieri, would you see what happened to the black bean and roasted squash soup we ordered?

Hey, did you try that blue drink, the one that glows like nuclear waste? The watermelon margarita? Any idea why it tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde?

[Anonymous No.6931094]

At your five Johnny Garlic’s restaurants in California, if servers arrive with main courses and find that the appetizers haven’t been cleared yet, do they try to find space for the new plates next to the dirty ones? Or does that just happen in Times Square, where people are used to crowding?

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If a customer shows up with a reservation at one of your two Tex Wasabi’s outlets, and the rest of the party has already been seated, does the host say, “Why don’t you have a look around and see if you can find them?” and point in the general direction of about 200 seats?

What is going on at this new restaurant of yours, really?

Has anyone ever told you that your high-wattage passion for no-collar American food makes you television’s answer to Calvin Trillin, if Mr. Trillin bleached his hair, drove a Camaro and drank Boozy Creamsicles? When you cruise around the country for your show “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives,” rasping out slangy odes to the unfancy places where Americans like to get down and greasy, do you really mean it?

Or is it all an act? Is that why the kind of cooking you celebrate on television is treated with so little respect at Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar?

How, for example, did Rhode Island’s supremely unhealthy and awesomely good fried calamari — dressed with garlic butter and pickled hot peppers — end up in your restaurant as a plate of pale, unsalted squid rings next to a dish of sweet mayonnaise with a distant rumor of spice?

[Anonymous No.6931097]

How did Louisiana’s blackened, Cajun-spiced treatment turn into the ghostly nubs of unblackened, unspiced white meat in your Cajun Chicken Alfredo?

How did nachos, one of the hardest dishes in the American canon to mess up, turn out so deeply unlovable? Why augment tortilla chips with fried lasagna noodles that taste like nothing except oil? Why not bury those chips under a properly hot and filling layer of melted cheese and jalapeños instead of dribbling them with thin needles of pepperoni and cold gray clots of ground turkey?

By the way, would you let our server know that when we asked for chai, he brought us a cup of hot water?

When you hung that sign by the entrance that says, WELCOME TO FLAVOR TOWN!, were you just messing with our heads?

Does this make it sound as if everything at Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar is inedible? I didn’t say that, did I?

Tell me, though, why does your kitchen sabotage even its more appealing main courses with ruinous sides and sauces? Why stifle a pretty good bison meatloaf in a sugary brown glaze with no undertow of acid or spice? Why send a serviceable herb-stuffed rotisserie chicken to the table in the company of your insipid Rice-a-Roni variant?

[Anonymous No.6931102]

Why undermine a big fist of slow-roasted pork shank, which might fly in many downtown restaurants if the General Tso’s-style sauce were a notch less sweet, with randomly shaped scraps of carrot that combine a tough, nearly raw crunch with the deadened, overcooked taste of school cafeteria vegetables?

Is this how you roll in Flavor Town?

Somewhere within the yawning, three-level interior of Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar, is there a long refrigerated tunnel that servers have to pass through to make sure that the French fries, already limp and oil-sogged, are also served cold?

What accounts for the vast difference between the Donkey Sauce recipe you’ve published and the Donkey Sauce in your restaurant? Why has the hearty, rustic appeal of roasted-garlic mayonnaise been replaced by something that tastes like Miracle Whip with minced raw garlic?

And when we hear the words Donkey Sauce, which part of the donkey are we supposed to think about?

Is the entire restaurant a very expensive piece of conceptual art? Is the shapeless, structureless baked alaska that droops and slumps and collapses while you eat it, or don’t eat it, supposed to be a representation in sugar and eggs of the experience of going insane?

Why did the toasted marshmallow taste like fish?

Did you finish that blue drink?

Oh, and we never got our Vegas fries; would you mind telling the kitchen that we don’t need them?

Thanks.

[Anonymous No.6931106]

>>6931102

[Anonymous No.6931108]

tldr

[Anonymouse No.6931119]

Anyone eaten at any guy's restaurants? worth it?

[Anonymous No.6931122]

>>6931108

[Anonymouse No.6931158]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T59KAU9n5xI

[Anonymous No.6931182]

[Anonymous No.6931195]

Fry gieri

[Anonymous No.6931199]

[Anonymouse No.6931507]

How do you say "that tastes good" again?

[Anonymous No.6931512]

>>6931507

TASTYVILLE

[Anonymouse No.6931519]

>>6931507
THE FLAVOR JETS ARE TURNED ON

[Anonymous No.6931523]

>>6931158
Who the fuck sticks their big, meaty, dirty fingers in someone's fucking sauce like that though

[Anonymous No.6931525]

>>6931523
Have you never seen the show?

[Anonymous No.6931536]

>>6931525
I have, I've just blocked it from my memory and automatically switch the channel if I see his fat lobster face

[Anonymous No.6931538]

>>6931536
You're missing out. Top 3 shows of all time: The Wire, The Sopranos, DDD

[Anonymous No.6931613]

>>6931536

Triple D might be one of my favorite shows of all time bro.

Only his earlier seasons though: his later seasons really suck something fierce though.

[Anonymous No.6931618]

>>6931182
looks like a dad that I'd want to meet.

[Anonymous No.6931633]

>>6931084
>>6931086
>>6931094
>>6931097
>>6931102

[Anonymouse No.6933407]

>>6931507
THAT IS OUTSTANDING OUT OF BOUNDS OFF THE HOOK SHUT THE FRONT DOOR CALL A NEIGHBOR & GET A TICKET
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHb6TMB-BLk

[Anonymous No.6933507]

[Anonymous No.6933957]

[Anonymous No.6933981]

>>6933407
>Uploader has made this video not available in your country
wtf kinda cuck shit is this?

[Anonymous No.6933993]

[Anonymous No.6934022]

>>6933981

True this fam

[Anonymous No.6935678]

[Anonymous No.6937642]

I'm rollin out

[Anonymous No.6937645]

>>6931199
I read gazes as glazes lmao

[Anonymous No.6937839]

>>6931119
Guy has a restaurant a few blocks away from me. I've eaten there once, and paid $35 for some venison wrapped in bacon.

It was actually an alright dish, but nowhere near worth $35. Sides were forgettable, since I can't remember them. And of course Guy Fieri wasn't there, so I had to do all of my own rama lamas and ding dongs.

[Anonymous No.6937862]

>>6937839

If you went to one of the restaurants he had before becoming a celebrity chef I can't believe you paid $35 for an entree.

It's been a few years since I've been, but his restaurants were pretty fucking reasonable the few times I went (I'd been both before and after he became famous).

They weren't bad, but had a really upscale atmosphere for the area, despite not being overpriced.

[Anonymous No.6938030]

He's very easy to make fun of. I always cheer up when people post him.

[Anonymous No.6938060]

i respect the way he asserts his dominance by walking into other people's kitchens and manhandling all their shit