Room Mate Horror Stories

[Anonymous No.6584781]

Yo, dogmouth-anon here. I've got a lovely little story for you all.

>Bf's grandmas gifts a large beef tenderloin to us
>~$30 per lb
>beautiful fucking piece of meat
>get home with it
>BF tells dogmouth that we have it
>mfw
>dogmouth insists on smoking it for hours (FUCK YOU DOG MOUTH FUCK YOU AND YOUR SMOKE FUCK YOU)
>"nah dogmouth, it's tenderloin- it's super tender. You don't need to cook it a long time"
>"Nah anon, trust me. Even though it's called tenderloin it's a really tough cut of meat"
>Tell him I'll cut it in half, I want to make Wellington.
>next day
>"Yo anon this is not gonna be good for Wellington, you have to cook it slow."
>Get heavy "I want to use the whole thing" vibes.
>Ignore him. I'm literally so tired of his shit at this point that I've resorted to just leaving him to fucking soak in his bath of stupidity.
>Dog mouths brother talks to me next
>"Hey anon, dog mouth says you want to make Wellington. It's not good for Wellington, it's tough."
>Start to doubt myself
>Don't want to be talking out my ass
>Cut slice of Beef when they're not home, salt, pepper, quick sear on each side.
>Taste it
>Fucking delicious, gorgeous, tender piece of meat
>Cut off half of loin, put it away for myself
>Tell BF to tell dogmouth that it's tender as fuck, doesn't need to be cooked long AT ALL
>he does
>Dogmouth comes home when I'm not, still throws this bitch on the smoker. Wants to put it on for 3 hours
>BF now in charge of meat while everyone is gone
>Calls me to tell me that he had to remove the meat early to stop it from being a piece of leather
>GOD DAMN IT DOG MOUTH

I'm angry that I let him cook it all, and even angrier that dogmouth ruined a beautiful piece of meat.
My only relief comes in knowing that I cut some off. Preparation is everything.

[Anonymous No.6584835]

take pleasure in the fact that you had one nice peice of steak thanks to your superior knowledge and skills before the moron in your life ruined the rest of it.

if nothingvelse you can always, legit feel that you are a superior being

>in b4 no grils on interbutts
>in b4 xd silly bois dont hit on me
>in b4 fedorae rage

[Anonymous No.6584852]

>>6584781
>>"Nah anon, trust me. Even though it's called tenderloin it's a really tough cut of meat"
Why did you let it happen, what is wrong with you? Quit being afraid of confrontation

[Anonymous No.6584859]

>>6584781
Roommate sprayed chemical cleaner on another roommates food.

You could easily smell it.

We kicked that fucker out immediately, all shit on the curb, told him to gtfo or else police and threw away all the food in the fridge.

[Anonymous No.6584870]

>>6584781
This is my first time on /ck/ in a while, so I am not familiar with dogmouth.

Who is this asshat? And how did he manage to have any claim on such an expensive cut of meat when it was given to you by your BF's grandmother?

[Anonymous No.6584877]

>>6584781
Real question is why are you such a passive bitch?

[Anonymous No.6584888]

>>6584781

First of fuck off with your blog

Second why did you even let him touch it? Why are you and your bf such pussies?

[Anonymous No.6584899]

>>6584835
>take pleasure in the fact that you had one nice peice of steak thanks to your superior knowledge and skills before the moron in your life ruined the rest of it.

>if nothingvelse you can always, legit feel that you are a superior being

Honestly this is what's keeping me sane right now.

>>6584852
He's always so adamant. I'm also the only girl of the house/ the girlfriend within the group of friends, so I don't have he luxury of flipping shit. On top of that I'm also very timid, introverted, and kind (read: a pussy), so it's hard for me to speak up. Throw that in with the fact that my BF offered it to him and you've got the perfect recipe for me being a little bitch and not saying much:
>>6584877
Probably because I grew up with no say in my house, combined with the things mentioned above, and anxiety. I'm working on speaking up more and not being such a pushover even though it goes against my nature. I'm a lover not a fighter.

[Anonymous No.6584906]

>>6584899
The dude is clearly selfish, and on top of that, it is obvious he doesn't know what he is talking about. You made your claim, and he brought his brother into it to defend his lie.

I'd wash my hands of them.

[Anonymous No.6584910]

>>6584899
Your boyfriend is an idiot who lets an even bigger idiot tell him what to do.

[Anonymous No.6584913]

Does this "dogmouth" chap drink a lot?

Seems like the behavior of a drunk to insist that they know how to do something they have no knowledge of.

[Anonymous No.6584918]

Had a roommate so atrocious...
>I was going on a trip, gonna be gone for a couple months.
>Roommate, far as I'm concerned, is just a glorified house sitter for me that pays for a room.
>Clean the fuck out of everything, toss any of my food that's spoiling in the next couple days.
>Come home two months later
>Nothing clean
> friend of his in my room, been there long enough to have brought clothes and some furniture
> Sink full of dirty dishes and take out containers
> mold growing out of stainless steel stink. Both drains

That's just the first part of the first year.

[Anonymous No.6584929]

>>6584899
At least be a smug bitch about it to him then, honestly. You can let idiots be idiots until it affects you.

[Anonymous No.6584931]

>>6584913
Used to be an alcoholic

[Anonymous No.6584974]

>>6584899
Laugh at stupidity more. Unless they've an actual grudge with a specific person, they'll take a really quick laugh reflex as an indicator that they've just done or said something foolish and start to be a little more conservative. Good way for pussies to be heard.

Also just puss out regarding the loss of quality meat more. Seems like you're upset with yourself more than a dumbass.

[Anonymous No.6584990]

>>6584781
>Dogmouth-anon
I don't know what this means...

Sounds like you let all this happen to you, you are the one to blame.

This isn't your personal blog. Please think about others, and the quality of the board before posting next time. Perhaps you'd feel more comfortable over at Reddit :^)

[Anonymous No.6584999]

>>6584918
Con't?
>>6584906
>>6584974
>>6584990
Thanks for the advice /ck/, I appreciate it. I'm going to keep quiet after this post so that I don't bulk up the thread, but thank you for your words, and thank you to anyone who gives advice in the future.

>>6584929
:^)

[Anonymous No.6585002]

>>6584999
Switch those last two directions, I fucked up. Alright, now I'm done talking.

[Anonymous No.6585015]

I have one

>Join chef school
>meet this guy through my friend, who also attends the school
>he's that guy who always fucks himself over in the most hilarious ways
let's call him Stooge
>One day Stooge get's a whole chicken for us to cook
>my friend and I plan to stuff it with peeled alheira (google it) and roast it with stock
>WHEN SUDDENLY Stooge comes up with a great idea
>"my mom usually roasts chicken in a bed of salt"
>we're really tired and Stooge rarely gets to cook so we say why the fuck not
BIG FUCKING MISTAKE
>he starts dressing the chicken with stock from time to time
>we're too tired to realize what a mistake that was
>Chicken is finally ready.
>he takes it outta the oven
>there's this brown, caramelized like salty substance all over the tray
>sudden realization overcomes us
>he cuts the chicken
>"oh it's perfectly cooked"
>he serves it
>IT'S SO DRENCHED IN SALT THAT EVEN MY FORK TASTES LIKE SALT
>YOU COULD FEEL THE GRAINS OF SALT WITH EACH BITE
>HE'S STILL MOWING IT DOWN LIKE IT'S THE BEST THING EVER
>we burst into tears of laughter over how Stooge-like this situation is
>my friend says "my senses have never been this asSALTed before"
>horrible salt puns come from everywhere
>he ate the whole plate like a good boy

Fucking Stooge.

[cheerio hero No.6585058]

> rent room in bungalow
> master tenant moves out to stay with her family
> wants me to put bills in my name
> call landlord and find out she wasn't even supposed to sublet and they amount she charges me is the whole rent
> turns out she's the one that stole the Toyota 4 runner from the driveway
> her cooking was atrocious

[Anonymous No.6585095]

>>6585002
One little thing: it may be hard to speak up for you, but it's generally easier when you know you're right. In this case you had the internet at your disposal. That's being able to do the kind of research that used to take people hours or days two decades ago in seconds.

I just searched "smoked beef tenderloin" and without even clicking any of the links I learned two things: 1) it cooks in 20-30 min and 2) you have to be careful not to overcook it.

You could have shut dogmouth and his bro down in ten seconds with one google search. Remember this for the future when you're pretty sure you know what the fuck you're talking about. It's easy to check.

(FWIW, an equally quick search confirmed your idea of Wellington as a good thing to do with it).

[Anonymous No.6585101]

>Roommate always eats fast food
>Leaves cups, fast food bags with wrappers/containers for nuggets or whatever everywhere around the house, but mostly in his room since I pick up for his manchild ass outside of his room
>The smell of his fucking room
I'm at least glad he doesn't touch the kitchen, he'd probably fuck up all of my stuff within 2 weeks.

[Anonymous No.6585129]

>>6584918 again.

>>6584999, sure, I got time for another.

> be home for a while, cooking regularly because why not
> come from big family, so always cook enough for 4-8 people
> happily give excess to roommate because I'll never eat it all
> roommate starts eating my food whenever
> even when I say explicitly, "no, is mine" or "no, is for meal plan"
> use some of his ketchup for meatloaf meal
> roommate gets super pissed and goes on about how horrible I am for taking his food without asking(dude there are six bottles with one spoon worth of ketchup, two unopened bottles, and three partially used bottles in there)
> is passive aggressive about it until I get enough ketchup to replace the bit I used
> refuses to eat anything I make until I replaced the ketchup
> after ketchup replaced, goes back to eating my food.

Seriously dude, fuck you. You're a fucking entitled piece of shit alcoholic and I hope you choke on your own puke.

[Anonymous No.6585431]

OP here with a update. Boyfriend saved this bitch just in time. It's medium, but it could have been worse. Unfortunately a bit dry. I prefer mine rare- medium rare.

[Anonymous No.6585453]

>>6585129
Yo fuck that guy, super inconsiderate.

>>6585431
To add on to this, dog mouth doesn't know that my boyfriend took it out after less than an hour, so now he's all smug about how well "he cooked" it. Idk how I feel. I guess at the end of day I should just be grateful that the meat wasn't ruined entirely. Part of me hopes that one day he'll do it his way with no interruption and see how wrong he is. Oh well.
-end of blog post-

[Anonymous No.6585459]

Ok so I'm loving the stories and have to share one that is fucking bad. In my second year at university I lived with 2 stoners. One was a really cool guy, still good friends to this day, the other guy was decent but when it came to weed he was a fiend. He would smoke as much as he could during a session, say he didn't have any to pitch but had a personal stash and we thought he was stealing weed too. We had a communal candy dish of weed but had to stop that when it mysteriously disappeared and he'd deny it.

So my roommate and I left 2 grams of bud on a table and that night it was gone and he denied it. I almost fought the guy but my roomie was calm and the peacekeeper and defused the situation. When we were alone he said we should prank him for revenge and I was down, but now I wish we just fought and didn't end up almost killing the guy.

We all had to take a plant ID class as part of our program in first year. That included a huge plant collection that everyone kept afterwards because it took a lot of time to do and was a pretty cool keepsake. My roomie is immune to poison ivy (he is part Cherokee I heard natives can be immune) so he mounted it and handed it in to be a smartass and luckily the prof didn't touch it or he'd be really pissed lol. So my roomie took a couple leaves and crumbled it up with some ground up weed and put it in a pile on a table near the couch.

[Anonymous No.6585463]

>>6585095
bro, you can't believe anything you see on the internet, bro. I totally know what I'm doing, anyone can go on the internet.

[Anonymous No.6585466]

>>6585459
[continued]


When we got back from school the next day our roommate wasn't home and we had a msg from a friend saying he was at the hospital...... and no weed pile to be found. Long story short, we thought it would just give his lips blisters but his trachea and lungs were all blistered up and he literally almost died. His parents came up and he stayed in the hospital for a whole month and we never told a soul, they thought it was some caustic chemical burn or something, they'd never seen anything before like that. I

I was worried that by keeping silent we could kill the guy because they wouldn't know how to treat him. But he is fine now (sort of). He ended up dropping out for a year and has regained like 80% of his lung function to this day. I seem him a couple times a year and I always think about what we did. My roomie and I were terrified that we almost killed a guy although when he got out of the hospital and lived with us for a few weeks before moving back home with his parents, we didn't have to worry about him touching our weed. We could leave it in the open and he was just wheezing and taking inhalers and on antibiotics and steroids and couldn't even think about smoking.

It was fucked though.

[Anonymous No.6585477]

>>6585466

yep, you're a bad person and so is your featherheaded friend.

please refrain from murder in the future and consider suicide as an option for maintaining your self respect

[Anonymous No.6585478]

>>6584781
>Roommate piles dirty dishes to the side of the sink.
>He refuses to rinse them off since its the "dish washers job."
>He refuses to soak them in the sink due to that "spreads the germs around and makes the sink dirty."
>Literally will load his dishes into the dish washers maybe once a week.

[Anonymous No.6585511]

>>6585453
tell him the truth.

[Anonymous No.6585523]

Not exactly a room-mate story, but kinda related
>be in high school
>be playing vidya
>parents put left-over fish in microwave to reheat
>accidentally hit 20 minutes instead of 20 seconds
>something gets their attention and they forget the fish
>~15 minutes later
>still oblivious playing vidya
>parents notice horrible smell
>accuse me of shitting my pants
>eventually check microwave
>fish is burned to a crisp, tupperware has melted all over it

[Anonymous No.6585533]

>>6585523
>accuse me of shitting my pants
Are you a literal retard?

[Anonymous No.6585537]

>>6585533
No.

[Anonymous No.6585539]

>>6585478
You need to stop being a pussy and fight him or pull some shit he despises

[Anonymous No.6585544]

>>6585533
>literal
>literally
>literally
>literal
>literally
You're on a role, eh?

[Anonymous No.6585573]

>>6585463
True. But when it comes to food it's pretty easy to weed out the folks trying to recreate fast food at home or making food gore dishes from those making a serious attempt to make something good. Just read ten recipes and you can discern the lay of the land.

[Anonymous No.6585583]

>>6585466
That's a hard way to teach someone a lesson, and sometimes teaching someone a lesson the hard way kills them. You're lucky it didn't.

[Anonymous No.6585592]

>>6585466
More proof that stoners are fucking subhumans who would kill to protect their habit.

[Anonymous No.6585607]

I feel like 99% of stuff in these threads is massively exaggerated. I've only had 3 roommates of my college years but they were all decent competent people. Even the one frat bro guy was nice

[Anonymous No.6585613]

>>6585466
Floriculturist here. I would beat your ass if you even told me that story in real life. What kind of moron thinks smoking poison ivy is just going to blister your lips? You're fucking inhaling it, it's going in your mouth, to your lungs, and everywhere in between. Of course it's going to damage him. You don't even have to study plants to figure that out. Holy shit

[Anonymous No.6585642]

>>6585592
Sounds like that stoner is more of a man than you ever will be. You'd probably just get quiet and bitter and post how upset you are on 4chan.

[Anonymous No.6585645]

>>6584999
If that happens again, I would go with the halving it idea and put him up to a contest. You think it works one way, he does another. If his is better then you concede. If yours is then you get to feel good about yourself. It's how I would have done it, and I identify with your situation in many aspects. Don't be passive aggressive. You don't have to fear confrontation because it's not always a bad thing and you're not always bad for doing it.

[Anonymous No.6585675]

>>6584859
had the same thing happen
we called the cops and hemmed him up on an attempted poisoning charge.
>bros it was just a prank!
putting liquid lighting (super strong acid drain cleaner) in someone's drink is not a fucking prank.

>1 year in jail, 5 years probation.

[Anonymous No.6585719]

>live with annoying STEM roommate
>doofus thinks he's smart "IMMA MAN OF SCIENCE BRO"
>comes off as BBT autist
>manchild who's obviously been taken care of by mom and is probably on his third semester living on his own
>doesn't have a job but gets money from parents to order Pizza Hut four times a week and Starbucks everyday
>mostly eats premade campus food that he lets rot in the fridge because he isn't concerned with wasting money that isn't his
>if he cooks, it's mostly ramen, if not that then he fries a frozen chicken breast with frozen vegetables
>can't operate most kitchen appliances like can openers without my demonstrating

>first few weeks he's convinced that things I bought in the kitchen are his to take
>grabs my bottle of pic related because he ran out of his generic fake olive oil shite
>I was out on a date
>come home
>apartment has thick layer of smoke and the room temp feels really hot
>investigate kitchen
>no roommate, but oil spatters everywhere
>roommate hears me and comes from upstairs
>"wtf happened roommate?"
>"Oh I uh went to fry that chicken and uh it didn't work out to well. Sorry."
>see he used over half of my bottle to fry the unthawed chicken breast
>"So you gonna replace my olive oil?"
>he says yeah
>he doesn't go grocery shopping unless his dad comes to visit
>few weeks later
>dad comes to the rescue finally
>they get groceries
>replaces it with a shitty, rancid gallon of store-brand shit because it was obviously cheaper than the nicer brand I buy
>roommate acts like he did me a favor

He was one dumb cunt.

[Anonymous No.6585721]

>>6585613
>floriculturist
Jesus Christ the tumblr need for inane names for every tiny difference is spreading to jobs as well

[Anonymous No.6585725]

>>6585721
I can't tell if this is bait or if you're just that big of a fucking moron.

[Anonymous No.6585733]

>>6585725
It's all horticulture fella

[Anonymous No.6585737]

>>6584781
Do you know that this is the year of our Lord 2015? When disagreements like this arise, what you do is say, "Google it, dickhead." Then the dickhead Googles it and is proven wrong.

[Anonymous No.6585742]

>>6585607
I'm not exaggerating mine.

This is a guy who would save up for daylights saving time to go get the extra hour of bar time. I have driven him home from bars, stopped at late night food places, and have been asked if I was "the retarded guys keeper".

This guy would literally drink himself so fucking retarded that I would regularly have to order his food for him, lest we spend fifteen minutes for him to put his finger on the right fucking picture.

I still don't know how I didn't manage to kill him in his sleep.

[Anonymous No.6585760]

>>6585015

[Anonymous No.6585839]

>>6584781
my old roommate had a bad habit of downing my jello shots before i could get them to parties.
thats what was so useful about jello shots...you suddenly become everybody's best friend

[Anonymous No.6585856]

>>6585453
tell him the truth you stupid bitch

[Anonymous No.6586235]

>First year of college
>living in the dorms to get that "college experience"
>sign up for random roommate since I didn't know anyone going to the same university
fast forward to move in day
>I'm struggling to move all of my shit into half of this tiny ass dorm room
>as I'm unpacking I hear a timid knock at the door
>think it must be a staff member because my roommate would have a key
>go to answer the door
>standing in front of me I see a short, scrawny, acne ridden, greasy haired kid wearing a TAPOUT shirt and glasses

let's call him Matt

>behind him is what I can only assume to be his extended family: father, mother, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.
>he brought eleven people
>and by using these eleven people to their fullest extent, he was able to complete his move-in in just under four and a half hours.
>He brought FIVE large trunks, three huge cardboard boxes, and an assortment of other shit.

So begins the tale of Matt
Matt was literally autistic.

>first few days in the dorm
>Matt still has not begun to unpack, save for a few pairs of clothes, his BEATS BY DR. PEPPER, and his Mac.

The way the dorms were set up gave both people a bed, a dresser, a desk and a chair. They took up most of the floor space.

>Matt's trunks and cardboard boxes are taking up the space under his bed, beside his desk, and nearly halfway across the room
>I ask him when he's going to unpack and clear some space during casual conversation
>"THAT HALF OF THE ROOM IS MINE I CAN KEEP MY STUFF THERE IF I WANT"
>this guy is really sperging out, I mean he's making exaggerated gestures and nearly screaming at me
>back off the issue, not trying to start problems the first few days of the semester

Matt was hands down the worst roommate I've ever had. I have more stories if there's an interest.

[Piracy !!1zjmpE5cmno No.6586240]

>>6586235
Do go on

[Anonymous No.6586261]

>>6586240
If you insist

>First Saturday on campus
>I've got some weed and a bottle, I'm in the mood to stay in and just chill
>I'm talking to Matt about the brands of liquor I prefer when he says
>"Dude I can drink like a gallon of vodka and it won't do anything me but I prefer drinking beer. As as matter of fact, I'm gonna go out to the bars and get hammered!"
>With that, he was gone.
>He came back to the room three hours later and I heard him trying the door multiple times
>he starts banging on the door whining
>"let me innnnnn"
>So I go open the door for him and as I swing the door open he literally falls on me
>I help him stand up and get to his chair
>We get to talking again, he's obviously drunk or impersonating it
>he tells me in a comically slurred fashion that this was the result of FOUR BEERS
>FOUR NATURAL LIGHT BEERS
>I fucking lose my shit
>This enrages Matt
>Matt informs me that he's "A double black belt in Tae Kwon Do and studying to become an MMA fighter"
>then he passes out in his chair

Matt is 5'5" TOPS and weighs 110 soaking wet

there's always more Matt

[Anonymous No.6586264]

>>6586261
Just keep going, nothing like autist stories.

[Anonymous No.6586268]

>>6585523
>accidentally hit 20 minutes instead of 20 seconds
How do you fuck up that much that you forgot something after 20 seconds?

Do you not think to yourself, "those are some pretty long seconds?"

[Anonymous No.6586304]

>>6586264
>Nearly halfway through the semester, I'm in the room with one of my new friends
We'll call him Trevor. Trevor was a total bro.
>We're playing some Gears of War horde mode
>Matt walks in from class and sees that Trevor was sitting in his chair in his absence
herewe.go
>"WHAT THE HELL!" "WHY ARE YOU SITTING IN MY CHAIR?!"
>he turns to me
>"WHY IS HE SITTING IN MY CHAIR"
>attempt to diffuse the situation by making a joke
>Matt obviously doesn't understand or care
> I give Trevor my chair and hop up on my bed to continue playing
>Matt pushes his chair into his desk and hops into bed to watch a let's play on his Mac.

While we're on the subject of his bed I don't think he washed his sheets the entire time we lived together. He also slept through all of his classes and through every alarm he set, but that's a different annoyance.

[Anonymous No.6586326]

>>6585466

I guess that's one way to get someone to kick the habit

[Anonymous No.6586337]

>>6584781
i cant tell who is who in this story

0/10

[Anonymous No.6586339]

do you let your boyfriend fuck you raw dog?

[Anonymous No.6586344]

>>6586304
>Saturday night
>Hanging out with Trevor, he has poppers and we're doing them and drinking.
Poppers are terrible don't do them.
>Matt comes home from the bars and he's clearly four beers into his night, judging by the fact that he didn't notice Trevor in his seat.
>He asks us what we're doing
>We tell him and offer him a popper if he wants it
>He does a popper
>He lays down on the floor
>He screams "HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>moments later he snaps back to reality and says
>"That was great I should go get some of those"

Matt's parents were fairly wealthy and he had everything he could ever desire. The first night he slept in the dorm he decided that it was too bright, and the next day he had his mom come back to the dorm room to help him install room darkening blinds. The same day he decided that he couldn't see the TV because it was too dark, so his dad called the geek squad to do a $100 TV TUNE UP. They literally altered the brightness and contrast.

1:30 pm on a Wednesday
>Get out of bed, Matt is still sleeping
>Don't want to turn on the overhead light but shit nigga I gotta fuckin see
>go to turn on my desk lamp
>the bulb goes out
>go over to his desk and turn on his desk lamp
>he wakes up, notices that I've turned on his lamp and doesn't say anything
>the next day his lamp is inside one of his trunks

[Anonymous No.6586362]

I've only ever had one roommate and he was generally a nice guy. But he had a terrible diet, he would eat jelly sandwiches, that is, just grape jelly on a hamburger bun for dinner. One time he used my cast iron pan to boil steak ums and then cleaned it afterward with soap and water, I wasn't home to tell him not too.

He was a quiet guy and his girlfriend was too, but when he moved out he threw away more empty bottles of liquor than I'd ever seen before. Happy to live alone now.

[Anonymous No.6586372]

>roommates all worked in service industry
>all bros
>everyone knows how to cook
>roommates' girlfriends totally incompetent children
>can't cook for shit

living with roommates sucks, so glad I'm on my own now

[Anonymous No.6586378]

>stupid sack of shit roommate
>cooks everything in a giant pan cranked to max
>leaves my plastic utensils in the pan and melts several
>offers me enchiladas one day, hungry so I accept
>somehow raw and overcooked at the same time

[Anonymous No.6586400]

My old room mate used to hate washing up, after he'd finished a bowl of cereal or had a drink out of a glass he'd just rinse it under the tap and put it back in the cupboard. We ended up with cockroaches fucking everywhere.

Live alone now and couldn't be happier .

[Anonymous No.6586406]

>>6586344
>$100 TV TUNE UP. They literally altered the brightness and contrast.
I was not aware this was even a thing

[Anonymous No.6586411]

>>6586344
>>6586406
/r/ing moar stories btw

[Anonymous No.6586413]

>>6586406
MY MISTAKE, IT'S $250
http://www.bestbuy.com/site/geek-squad-tv-calibration/3552345.p?id=1218412703422&skuId=3552345

[Anonymous No.6586421]

>>6585675
Liquid laxative? Yeah, a prank. Drain cleaner? NOPE HAVE FUN WITH TYRONE

[Anonymous No.6586433]

>>6586411
>Saturday night
>Matt decides he wants to go to the frat parties tonight
>The frat parties usually started around 9
>He leaves at 7:30
>I decide to see what the little rascal is up to at 10
>Head down to the frats, i'm searching house to house for Matt
>Enter the third house, there's makeshift dance floor in the living room
>Matt is standing in the middle doing some strange combination of a lasso dance move and the dougie.
>The girls have instinctively sectioned off a 3m no-go zone around him
>He walks/dances(?) up to a blonde sorority girl and says something to her
>I couldn't hear exactly what over the music, but her reaction made it priceless.
>She stepped a full step backwards and physically winced
>Matt hangs his head and walks out of the frat

[Anonymous No.6586455]

>>6586433
Matt walks with the swagger of Hulk Hogan, he puffs out his chest, puts his shoulders forward and walks everywhere staring at the ground.

Matt moved out before the end of the first semester.
>Laying in bed around noon with my girlfriend who spent the night
>Matt busts in the door with his parents in tow
>I ask what's going on
>he tells me "I'm moving out"
>I ask why
>he tells me "because I feel like it"
>don't really question him, he clearly has a motive but I don't want to pressure why in front of his parents
>He takes a load of his possessions out of the room
>His mom says to me "Thanks for being so nice to Matt, it's hard for him to make friends, he's changing rooms to live with one of his friends from high school"
>His dad gives me $50 for curtains because he took the nice ones they bought him on move in day

Matt's parents were truly GOAT.

>mfw I replaced the curtains with black trash bags and spent the money on weed

That's all for now, can someone screencap these so I don't have to type this shit again?

[Anonymous No.6586587]

>>6585453
You're better than these faggots. This thread is better than the other piece of shit beer-bread/jimmy/everyoneispretendingtolikebeer ones.

this board is probably mostly women anyway. Stop pretending you're not better than the neckbeards masturbating to traps while calling your shit a blog post

[Anonymous No.6586659]

>>6585742
>let some retard you clearly hate ruin your food
>drive him places when he gets hammered
What gives you any right to complain you fucking enabler? He's your roommate, not your friend.

[Anonymous No.6586690]

>>6585466
I respect you for telling the story, but holy fuck man, how stupid are you?

Weed turns everyone into a beta bitch. You should have just beat his ass, instead you nearly killed him.

[Anonymous No.6586702]

>>6586659
On the driving him places, he'd lose his job of he got arrested for being shit faced, and I went with him because I was tired of him breaking down the fucking door to the house.

I wasn't enabling his drinking, he did that all on his own.

[Anonymous No.6586712]

>>6586702
Maybe losing his job would wake his ass up? Jesus I wish someone had given me tough love during my alcoholism

[Anonymous No.6586740]

>>6586702
What are you his keeper? How do you rationalize complaining about this lose when you do favors for him? This isn't about standing up for yourself, it's about having some goddamn self respect and dropping his ass. He clearly doesn't give a shot and knows you'll always be there, it's not gonna get better

[Anonymous No.6586759]

>>6586740
Actually, I did drop his ass. Near the end of the one year lease, told him and landlords that I wouldn't be staying. Gave new address to landlord, paid my share of the last month's rent, and was gone and moved in twelve hours. Started the moment he left for work.

I got my deposit back, so I guess the place was fine.

I just had to get some of that off my chest when I saw this thread, I guess. Been several years now.

[Anonymous No.6586791]

>>6585613

Yeah because whenever I burn things they always stay exactly the same with no altered properties!

[Anonymous No.6586793]

>>6586362
>boil steak ums and then cleaned it afterward with soap and water

Good thing that doesn't affect a properly done seasoning at all

[Anonymous No.6586814]

>>6586268
What do you except from someone who gets accused of shitting his pants?

[Anonymous No.6586836]

>>6584781
you should have just googled it m8

[Anonymous No.6586886]

>Come home
>Want a snack
>Buy canned fruit sometimes because I'm lazy
>Open a can of peaches
>As I'm draining the syrup water out roommate runs into the kitchen
>Fuck you this isn't for you.

He's such an asshole.

[Anonymous No.6586895]

>>6586886

He wanted your peaches and you said fuck you? Or he said fuck you?

[Anonymous No.6586901]

>>6586886
He heard you pour out the liquid and came running? Holy shit is he secretly a cat?

[Anonymous No.6587084]

>>6586901
Ops roommate is a cat

[Anonymous No.6587561]

>>6585459
>>6585463
You are a terrible person. Welcome to /ck/.

[Anonymous No.6587572]

>>6585719
You're a faggot and your roommate is a faggot

[Anonymous No.6587594]

>>6585733
this
proof that the faggot was lying and knows nothing about plants