/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.6243154]

>make a ton of gravy from roast pork loin
>spill it all under the fridge
>mfw

kitchen fuckups thread?

[Anonymous No.6243167]

For reasons i cant quite fully understand today in broad daylight in full sight of god the father jesus his son and holy mother mary and sober as a judge i decided that melting some feta cheese in a cast iron pan along with some ham slices was wise.

I still dont know how im going to get that shit off of there

[Anonymous No.6243179]

My old roommate thought you were supposed to stir rice while its cooking. That shit came out as a giant rice sludge. He also made ribs in a toaster oven.

[Anonymous No.6243182]

>>6243167
was it tasty?

[Anonymous No.6243206]

>>6243182

Shit yes it was had it on brazilian pao avo with fresh ground black pepper

Thinking about experimenting with a feta cracker (like parmesan cracker)

[Anonymous No.6243210]

First time I deep fried potatoes. Left them unattended.
Was almost my last fuck up dude, seriously.

[Anonymous No.6243212]

I dropped/broke a fifth of vanilla once....at least it smelled nice.

[Anonymous No.6243213]

>>6243167
FIRE

[Anonymous No.6243224]

I prepared my lunch for work tomorrow but ate half of it this evening.

This happens once or twice a week.

[Anonymous No.6243253]

>>6243154
Not a huge disaster but...

Made turkey chili for pot luck lunch at work. I make it so often and so consistently that there is no need to sample it and adjust for taste. Co-workers laugh at my claim that my turkey chili is tastier and spicier that anything they make with beef.

> I'll show those fuck

Sample some after everyone had already tried it. Wondering why no one is complimenting me. Just as I take the first bite my feeble mind rewinds back to the kitchen. My jar of superfreaky patented spice mix is sitting in the cupboard, having gone unused.

Is like making cookies and somehow forgetting to add sugar and then forgetting to bake them.

[Anonymous No.6243257]

>>6243224
I just made another batch and ate half of that.

[Anonymous No.6243266]

>at a houseparty years ago
>friend bought a pot noodle while we were getting booze
>get hungry when party is dying down
>she remembers her pot noodle
>gets too excited and forgets to boil the kettle before pouring water in

She ate roughly half of it before throwing up

Fucking harrowing to watch someone crunching on a cold pot noodle

[Anonymous No.6243270]

>>6243154
Gotta terminate that lease and leave bro.

[Anonymous No.6243275]

>>6243266
What the fuck is pot noodle?

[Anonymous No.6243284]

>>6243275

Sorry, Bong.

God-awful dried instant noodles you add boiling water to when you can't be bothered to cook

I'd imagine there's some kind of variant in most countries

[Anonymous No.6243289]

Spend all morning making an amazing Mushroom Soup. Stock prepared the day before.
Let it rest on back burner. Second cook comes in for the day, making omelettes and turns on my burner by accident(you've worked here how long now you know what handle turns on what burner)
My 5 hour soups is scorched in less than a minute.
"Oh sorry"

[Anonymous No.6243307]

>baking potatoes
>in a glass pyrex baking dish
>so hungy
>starving
>potatoes are done
>waiting for them to cool
>"clean now so you won't worry about it later," I thought.
>put pyrex under cold water
>GLASS EXPLOSION
>mfw

I thought I was going to shit myself.

[Anonymous No.6243418]

>>6243167

I thought sober as a judge meant you're pissed as fuck?

[Anonymous No.6243429]

>>6243284
Pretty sure they're called cup o' noodles here in burgerland.

[Anonymous No.6243432]

I GOT MY BALLS CAU H HT IN BLENDER

[Anonymous No.6243458]

>>6243154

[Anonymous No.6243466]

>unloading dishwasher while waiting for oven to turn on (making a turkey)
>grab a mug and try to put it away
>cabinet is full, keep trying to brute force it in there
>forcing mug in causes another mug to be pushed out
>falls on counter and explodes
>ceramic fragments somehow slice up my hand and arm
>had to go the ER to get stitches
>the turkey sucked

[Anonymous No.6243488]

>cracked 5 eggs
>used the last of my heavy cream
>sizzle up chorizo and onions
>grate cheese
>throw it in my dish, stick it in the oven
>two hours later I realize I never took it out of the oven

Still contemplating eating my ultra crusty frittata thing

[Anonymous No.6243509]

you are absolved. Methodist,Roman Catholic and Babiest. Jewish and Muslim allowed.I kiked a piece of "lunch meat" under the fridge. well, that will be there awhile..don't feel bad

[Anonymous No.6243535]

>>6243488
>working from home
>put water on stove for tea
>hour passes
>smell burning metal
>pot is ruined, aluminum coating is vaporized
>tfw other pots are too big to make a single cup of rice

[Anonymous No.6244051]

One time I made Chicken Kiev and a lot of the butter leaked into the pan. I instinctively grabbed the pan without a oven mitt for some reason and burned my hand. When I pulled back my hand it sent the tray into the air and my socks got soaked with scalding hotnbutter, and I got a bunch of burns on my feet, had these nasty blisters for a while.

[Anonymous No.6244667]

>make 1c of clarified butter for a whole evening of cooking
>spill it on the counter and it all drains into the space between the stove and the edge of the counter

[Anonymous No.6244751]

>>6243284
>>6243429
what the shit are you talking about? we have pot noodles in england

[Anonymous No.6244756]

>wake up
>put my coffee maker on the electric hob
>turn it on
>it's cold so get back into bed
>wake up an hour later
>room is filled with thick rubbery smoke
>the handle melted and fell onto the hob

Not sure why the smoke alarm didn't go off.

[Anonymous No.6244822]

>>6244751
> typical bong demonstrates his astounding intellect

[Anonymous No.6244826]

> cooking on new stove
> fried rice with leftover rice
> heat oil on medium
> empty rice from Tupperware into pan
> it fucking explodes, spraying boiling oil and ballistic rice grains everywhere
> turn heat off and hide in a corner until all over
> rice fucking everywhere, kitchen looks like a warzone

[Anonymous No.6244832]

>>6244822
oi, u wot m8?

[Anonymous No.6244837]

>Cooking with girlfriend
>girlfriend usually makes the sauces and all because her mum taught her to make good sauces
>shes making a cheese sauce
>mum taught her to add milk
>no milk
>she insists she uses a yogurt
>i tell her its a terrible idea to substitute milk for yogurt
>she keeps insisting
>i tell her it will ruin it
>she wont give up
>let her win and tell her to go for it
>yogurt was a sweet one with sugar in
>sweet cheese disgusting as fuck sauce
>eat food without any sauce at all
At least she won't insist on that shit ever again.

[Anonymous No.6245232]

>>6244756
You might want to check the batteries on it.

[Anonymous No.6245251]

it bothers me that there is a business for inventing problems to make useless products, but there will never be a tool for cleaning underneath fridges

[Anonymous No.6245261]

>>6245251
you mean like an under-fridge vacuum wand

or a hose step with a small bit of air hose

or even an oversized bottle brush

[Anonymous No.6245276]

>be me in 2006
>young fella working in a restaurant first time
>2:30am
>doing the daily cleanup after 11h-shift
>exhausted as fuck
>went to storage facility for wiping floor
>this afternoon we prepared basil pesto
>app. 15 liters. huge bucket. middle shelf.
>wiping, wiping, whistling. ...wiping
>wiping done.
>grab my stuff and turn around

DONK!

>allthatsplatter.jpeg
>fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
>carry everything out of storage room.
>clean every single item
>fucking basil
>wipe floor again
>I hate basil!
>clean walls
>fuck u basil!
>put everything back in storage

the next day the head chef takes me to storage

>"look here. and there and over there.do you see the pesto splatters?"

>start cleaning out storage again.

>mfw

[Anonymous No.6245282]

>>6245276
forgot to mention:

>fresh basil pesto is stored in a chilled place

[Anonymous No.6245301]

>>6243154
>time to season my new wok
>hear animal fat is good for seasoning
>duck fat is the most expensive, so it's the best fat, right?
>heat wok up to the highest heat
>throw the fat in
>it bursts into flames

[Anonymous No.6245306]

>>6245276

and I have another one. ..I didn't mess up kitchen, but even worse: me, precious anon.

>be me in 1991.
>learning to speak and wanna see what mom is preparing for lunch
>grab chair in order to take proper look on the stove.
>so much stuff boiling and frying and shit
>mom takes pan off the stove
>"careful anon! it is hot"
>meeeehh....I don't believe her
>place hand flat on the hot plate
>instant bratwurst and much waaaaaeeeehheee
>after like 3 weeks my hand is ok.
>mum preparing lunch.
>I take my chair, pull it near stove and observe.
>mom moves pot from hot stove.
>"careful anon...you remember what happened last time?"
>anon still in denial.
>spread my fingers and go for the touchdown

>wäääähäähäąä....

[Anonymous No.6245324]

Back in college in my old apartment, I was microwaving easy mac, forgot to put the water in it. Smoke came rolling out of the microwave. Was pretty sure the fumes were gonna kill me

[Anonymous No.6245341]

>Drunk as fuck college student
>Also drunk as fuck and home alone all weekend
>Make 2 packets of Chicken Ramen cause I am hungry as fuck
>Fuck this is boring
>Decide to spice it up
>Add seasoning packets
>Add an entire can of canned chicken
>Crushed up Cheez-Its
>Copious amount of Ranch
>Bacon Bits
WAAH-LAAA
>Eat it all
>Sitting on my couch, closing in on sober
>Without warning violently vomit all over myself, the couch, my carpet/table/lit candle
>Seconds later have to shit like hell
>Spend the next 5 hours taking turns between shitting and vomiting at the same time, and cleaning

[Anonymous No.6245356]

>sick as fuck/lazy
>husband offers to make me tea
>fall asleep
>wake up two hours later, my tea kettle is still on the stove
>it turned from light blue to black
>had to toss that shit

It was a whistling kettle, and he forgot about it because he flipped the whistle open. At least he was trying to be nice with not having it wake me up.

Didn't buy a new kettle till few months later, almost did the same thing >>6243535 did at least ten times a week.

Also this, all the time

>turn on burner
>place pot/kettle of water
>forget about it
>oh yeah, why hasn't it boiled yet?
>check on it
>turned on the wrong burner

I almost set an oven mitt on fire like that. The fact that I didn't burn it completely only speaks to its quality.

[Anonymous No.6245365]

>>6245341
That's fucking wretched. I'm actually disgusted.

[Anonymous No.6245371]

>>6243167
>feta
>melt

[Anonymous No.6245372]

>spend 6 hours making stock
>spend another 4 hours making soup

>its beautiful
>best soup ive ever made
>still kinda hot
>start pouring it into my huge glass container
>phew didnt spill any
>oh wait I think I would like some extra spice
>add some garlic chili paste
>stirring it
>spoons lightly clinks side

>HUGE hole appears and soup spills everywhere

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Anonymous No.6245382]

>>6245365
Your telling me. Its been about 5 years and I haven't touched anything that I mentioned, except ranch since

[Anonymous No.6245390]

>>6245372
What really? Why? The heat?

[Anonymous No.6245398]

This happened a few days ago. I was attempting to make garlic cheese bread for spaghetti. Usually it goes smoothly but..

>warm water/yeast mix is almost ready, all foamy and whatnot
>mixing up some eggs for a little structure
>everything is ready to go and on the counter
>open cupboard right about yeast mix and eggs
>container of vanilla, the salt and the baking soda fall out and land in yeast mix
>yeast bowl tips over, splattered in warm water
>salt rolls out and tips eggs over
>eggs run all down the counter, onto my shirt
>drawer is slightly open
>is now full of egg and yeast mix
>drawer is full of silverware
>all the silverware is now a mess
>floor is a mess
>I am a mess

I took it as a sign not to bake that day.

[Anonymous No.6245446]

My roommate was notorious for leaving the burner on after she was done cooking. That's about all. She burned mashed potatoes she left on the stove top with the burner still on. Melted a plastic butter lid on an electric coil that she didn't realize was still hot. Left egg rolls in the oven for 3 weeks. Used a juicer but left all the pulp in the collection container and placed it back on top of the fridge. Found that one after she moved out.

[Anonymous No.6245450]

>>6245232
It's alright, I moved out of that place a few years ago.

[Anonymous No.6245461]

>>6244822
moderate kek

[Anonymous No.6245469]

>recovering from oral surgery
>make some chocolate pudding
>put it in the fridge before bed
>roommate comes home soon after
>knocks the bowl over and spills liquidy chocolate pudding all over fridge and on floor
>doesn't bother to clean it up
>get up the next day
>roommate is gone
>find note
>"anon you need to clean this up or we'll get ants"
>hours later she's home
>ask why she didn't clean it up when she spilled it
>"I was too tired and you shouldn't have left it there for it to get knocked over"

Sorry that was more of a roommate rage story that kitchen fuckup.

[Anonymous No.6245533]

>decide to make homemade lemonade
>buy lemons and most expensive sugar
>make a giant pitcher of lemonade
>brother has some
>puts pitcher back in fridge right in the front
>open fridge door in a rush while cooking
>suction from door pulls lemonade over the edge
>gallon of sugary lemon water all over kitchen
>mfw i have to unplug and move fridge to clean
>mfw i have to take kitchen table and chairs outside
>mfw when whatever is under my oven is gonna be god awful

[Anonymous No.6245577]

>>6245341
jesus man you fukcking earned that

[Anonymous No.6245589]

>>6243167

[Anonymous No.6245600]

>>6244837
>substitute milk for yogurt
OK, this is a bit off topic but doesn't that mean that she's using milk when she should be using yoghurt? Substituting x for y means you're actually using x, right?

[Anonymous No.6245615]

>>6245600
ya grammatically/syntactically you're right

[Anonymous No.6245618]

>>6245372
>glass container
why do these exist?

[Anonymous No.6245624]

>Make loose leaf tea.
>Don't finish it.
>Forget about it.
>Rarely actually make tea again.
>One month later.
>Roommate is sick, decides to make tea.
>Opens teapot to find month-old tea with mold.

[Anonymous No.6245630]

>>6245618

Cuz it's transparent (without being plastic) which is handy. Also I doubt he used Pyrex glassware.

[Anonymous No.6245637]

>>6245306
i imagine at that point your parents knew their son is retarded.

[Anonymous No.6245639]

>>6245306

I like how your mother just lets it happen a second time ... you obviously needed to get the tard burnt out of you, wise woman.

[Anonymous No.6245649]

>>6245390
That picture reminds me of my ex.

[Anonymous No.6245654]

>>6245624
>Roommate boils water in saucepan.
>Suggests I bleach the teapot.
>Ignore him. Scrub it with store-brand dish soap.
>Make myself tea to prove its fine.
>Drink tea.
>Go to work. Graveyard shift.
>Come home at 7 am. Tired as fuck.
>Sudden indigestion keeps me awake for over an hour.
>Feel a fart coming.
>Take a gamble, lose badly.
>Shart my pants.
>Change and fall asleep.
>Wake up an hour later and puke my guts out.

[Anonymous No.6245683]

>>6245654
>Admit I didn't clean teapot well enough.
>Roommate decides to clean it himself.
>Scrubs it again. Adds bleach.
>Decides to boil it because heat kills germs, right?
>Second roommate comes home.
>Sees boiling pot of fucking bleach.
>Flips shit. Turns off burner.
>mfw I almost killed myself tea poisoning.
>mfw roommate almost killed both of us with chlorine gas.

[Anonymous No.6245701]

>>6245649
Sorry anon.

[Anonymous No.6245718]

>>6245683
I didnt know boiling bleach made chlorine gas either. Then again I never would do that.

Semi-related story.
>Work at an amusement park in Ohio
>Every night we scrub and spray all of our equipment (Buckets that held peeled potatoes, racks, baskets, ect ect) in the back
>Scrub the floors and spray em clean (we had drains in all the floors)
>One day get bored, try to clean the fucking disgusting drain covers by throwing them in a bucket and soaking them in shit
>Nothings working, try bleach
>Starts to help, rinse everything off extremely well
>Run the bucket and the drain covers through the dishwasher 2x
>They come out, soak those fucks in Lime a Way to clean the rust
>Walk away
>Come back
>Smells like a fucking pool, nose and eyes start burning
>PANIC.EXE
>Run out of the room, get a deep breath and run back in dump the bucket
>Spray everything from across the room, felt like shit all day

Thank god the wash room is really an outside area with walls and a tin roof. Holy fuck it was pungent.

[Anonymous No.6245725]

>>6244751
burgerland
murica
not bong

[Anonymous No.6245741]

>making some russian food with gf
>some kind of ground beef fried things
>drop the patty in the flour
>flour all over the kitchen counter
>okay time to fry it
>throw it in the hot oil not even thinking
>hot oil droplets every where

>have one of those walmart electric kettles
>recently it stopped automatically stopping when done
>wake up and go fill it up , turn it on
>shower, change and all the morning shit
>smell something funky - plastic burning
>ohshit
>fucking kettle is melted to the base, water all gone
>let it cool down and pry it off

>wake up and really want some eggs
>3 eggs left in a 18 count container
>i'll just put these 3 on a perfectly fucking smooth counter
>throw away container
>turn on heat and go grab my phone
>come back and 2 eggs are splattered on the ground

fuck man

[Anonymous No.6245774]

>taking homemade pizza out of oven
>drop on floor upside down
>hulksmash glass door in rage fit
>no replacement parts available
>$600 pizza

[Anonymous No.6245794]

>>6245774
I hope you ate it
to not do so would show lack of character

[Anonymous No.6245815]

>>6245683
I have many more stories.
>First time cooking.
>Cooking like a caveman who just discovered fire.
>Brand new crock pot as house warming gift.
>Find spicy slow cooker chicken recipe.
>Calls for a bottle of hot sauce.
>"Tabasco is hot."
>Put in chicken breast with full bottle of Tabasco.
>Nothing else.
>Leave cooking all day.
>Come home. Open crock pot.
>Gust of unbreathable spicy air knocks me clear across room.

[Anonymous No.6245826]

>>6243289
By accident, or... "accident"... Think about it, Anon.

[Anonymous No.6245837]

>>6245741
>have electric kettle
>boiling water to make some coffee
>grab it before it stops automatically
>empty it into my cup, put it back and go on
>the kettle remains on
>go back later
>the metal coil at the bottom that warms the water is GLOWING HOT
>oh shit
>turn it off
>works to this day

[Anonymous No.6245943]

>>6245815
>make first omelette
>all our bowls are dirty
>beat eggs in tupperware container
>butter pan, leave butter out
>forget why I left butter out
>"I think I was supposed to add it to the egg"
>chunks of butter floating in poorly beaten egg yolk in plastic tupperware
>look in fridge for something to put in omelette
>lunch meat ham, kraft singles, spinach
>"ham, cheese, and spinach? sounds like a great omelette!"
>can't flip because i'm a disgrace
>omelette rips open, everything spills out
>egg burnt to hell and back
Pic related, I kept a photo to remind me of my sin

[Anonymous No.6245986]

>>6243154
I was seasoning some burgers once and when getting the paprika I made sure to tell myself not the grab the cinnamon. Somehow I grabbed the cinnamon and no red flag was raised when I did this. The burgers tasted awful because of it.

[Anonymous No.6245990]

>last night
>drunk
>friends have brought some pizza rolls over and I go upstairs to cook them
>pick the wrong pan so the toaster won't fully close
>whatever just wedge this can opener under the handle so the door stays mostly closed
>come back fifteen minutes later and the heating elements never turned off because the temperature never hit 450
>blackened pizza rolls

[Anonymous No.6246031]

>>6245943
it looks very pretty actually

[Anonymous No.6246043]

>>6243154
>>6243154
>>6243154


>Be 16 with no real cooking experience other than fucking around with friends
>Get set up on double date with friend and his two girl friends
>Want to impress the grill I'm set up with
>Oven fried chicken, mite b cool

>Get huge as fuck chicken breasts
>Don't know bout butterflying
>Roll them in flour and spices
>20 minutes later
>white as fuck flour sitting on top of chicken
>OH SHIT I NEED FAT TO BROWN IT
>pour melted butter on top
>cook for another 20 minutes
>doesn't brown it
>overcooked as fuck outside, sorta pink inside
>cook it another 10
>maximum rubber
>white clumps of uncooked flour

>friend tells me it's great, but he's very polite
>grill doesn't even like me anyway

Still have PTSD to this day about it. Especially after working in some restaurants.

[Anonymous No.6246126]

>>6245306
one more. but is slighty off-topic.

>around the time Germany lost to brasil at world cup finals
>over at a friends place
>junior high aged
>menu of the day: pasta with hot sauce
>buddy slices chili peppers
>I slice some more since we are going for hot sauce
>buddy does the famous al bundy hands in pants move "I got a itch"
>didn't wash hands
>the chili pain train arrives at its destination
>"aaaaahhhh" & "oooooow" he screams while mr. chili is agonising his nutsack
>to fucking funny
>way to funny
>forgot that I didn't wash hands either
>holy fuck my sides
>he starts jumping around "uuuuuuuuuuhhhh, my balls!"
>my eyes flooded with tears
>over-the-top funny
>wipe tears out of my face
>dry my eyes
>wait a sec...did I touch the chili too?
>I did
>my turn now
>[insert screaming here]
>his father walks in
>his son having wet tissues in his pants repeating "it hurts"
>me with face in the sink rubbing my face as hard as possible eyes glowing red like the terminator
>"you are idiots" mr. father says and walks off

still a great pasta sauce.

[Anonymous No.6246191]

>>6244751
I think by "Sorry, Bong" he meant "Sorry, I'M A Bong," not "Sorry there Mr Bong."

I can't eat the nice and spicy Pot Noodles because I vomited them up a few years ago, along with about half a litre of vodka. The taste always brings me back to that horrific incident now.

Anyway, I fucked up a couple of days ago. I'd finished a bottle of lemon juice that I cook with and had taken out the little plastic drizzler thing in the spout so I could fill it with water. I put the bottle back in the fridge so I could have a nice chilled weak lemon drink later, and I forgot about it.

Then a few days later I wanted a splash of lemon juice on my tuna sandwich filler I was making. Guess which bottle I grabbed.

[Anonymous No.6246264]

>>6245943
That's looks nice.

[Anonymous No.6246294]

>>6244667
i really, really hate that little space

so much grease is down there.... how do i clean it out?

[Anonymous No.6246347]

>>6245943
8/10 would eat

[Anonymous No.6246390]

>>6243466
>turkey
>spenny
Kek

[Anonymous No.6246483]

>>6245943
>late night snack
>fry up an egg
>make some toast
>put together to make sandwich
>too boring. what can we add?
>open fridge
>tub of leftover chili
>the abyss beckons
>dump cold chili on leftover egg sandwich
>don't even heat it up
>question my sanity on toilet shortly after
Again, pic related.

[Anonymous No.6246535]

>>6246483
>hungry
>feeling lazy, need something easy
>find potatoes
>how do i cook potatoes?
>start boiling them
>add carrots
>add salt
>add nothing else
>genuinely believe that this will have plenty of flavor
>never stop to think I could do something more
>i have meat in the freezer
>i have other vegetables
>i have oil, i could at least sautee them
>nope
>just a shitload of boiled potatoes and carrots
>roommate walks in, accuses me of being Russian peasant
>get defensive
>"This is totally enough for a meal!"
>take bite
>no taste
>potatoes are not even cooked all the way through
>still hard and crunchy
>mfw

[Anonymous No.6246564]

>>6246535
did you at least finish it to show him?

[Anonymous No.6246581]

>>6246535
>dinner
>no cooking tonight, please
>grab bertolli meal from freezer
>put in pot
>need to heat for about 5 minutes
>go to bathroom
>dick around on computer
>forget about food
>about an hour later, getting hungry
>I should make something
>OH FUCK ME!
>bertolli is now fused to bottom of pot
>kitchen reeks of burnt pasta for days
>mfw I cannot heat a simple frozen meal without fucking up
>avoid touching kitchen for a while

[Anonymous No.6246584]

>>6246564
I tried, but I made so many fucking potatoes I couldn't finish them all.

[Anonymous No.6246591]

Do ovens with timers or just any sort of appliance with a timer/alarm not exist in other parts of the world or are some of you guys just really stupid?

[Anonymous No.6246604]

>>6246584
Serious question, are you high a lot?

[Anonymous No.6246608]

>>6246591
Well, try and guess what I usually forget to do while I am cooking...

[Anonymous No.6246624]

>>6246591

yes, the oven i have now has no timer, and the one at my old place had a timer/clock thing, which was broken.

But i've only forgotten something and filled the house with smoke once. Ive filled the house with smoke more times from dumb cooking experiments.

[Anonymous No.6246631]

>>6246591
You've never burnt anything through drunken forgetfulness?

I usually do it after too many drinks or when I'm juggling too many bits and bobs and it's like spinning plates, then I get distracted.

Sometimes by 4chan lol.

[Anonymous No.6246641]

>>6246591
Wow you've never burned anything? Ever? That's really impressive man. I'm honored to even be posting on the same board as you.

[Anonymous No.6246789]

>make homemade pizza
>Dough ready
>Fuck yeah
>Put rolled dough onto peel
>Toppings.jpg
>Go to toss onto pizza stone
>Pizza crumples
>Sticks to board
>Fuckfuckfuck
>Pizza ruined
>Shaped into a big pile

Another time
>Thanksgiving
>Collecting fat from pan
>Put into container
>Knock container over by accident
>Mmm whatcha say.mp3

[Anonymous No.6246799]

>>6246789

[Anonymous No.6246892]

>>6245301
Oh fuck I know this feel.

>be me
>got a cast-iron skillet from my grandmother
>she got some fancy nonstick pans so she didn't want it anymore
>"Anon, I can't keep food from sticking to this."
>it's rusted, the seasoning is worn off and it's generally shit
>take it home, take a die-grinder to it, take it to about 800-grit
>coat the outside in veggie oil, inside as well
>bake
>wipe excess
>usually use the stove to give the interior a second seasoning
>get the pan heated up some more
>throw a spoonful of lard in
>I overheated the pan
>the lard goes from viscous fat to fucking fireball
>start digging in the cabinet for the baking soda so I can smother it
>my mother walks in to see this occurring
>she panics and throws her glass of water on the pan before I can say no
>thesmellofnapalminmorning.mp3
>the stove is charred, as is part of the floor before I can throw the baking soda around onto the various bits of flame

Good news: The pan was salvageable, and I now have a fire extinguisher velcro'd to the wall by the stove.

[Anonymous No.6246897]

>>6245624
>make coffee, didn't remove filter
>year later (I rarely drink coffee) when I do to make coffee again open up machine to find moldy ass filter

I just threw out the machine. Not even running bleach through it would make me want to drink anything from there.

[Anonymous No.6246923]

>>6246892
I love the fireball stories.
>>6245301
And this reaction image made me lol.

>be 25, I've been cooking since I was 18
>want to pan-fry some frozen cod since i bought a TON when it was on sale
>put pan on stove, turn that shit to max
>put oil in
>cut open packaging and ready self while it heats up
>should have checked temp first
>tossed 2 pieces of frozen cod in pan
>fireball.jpg
>I freak out and just grab the pan and remove it from heat, eventually fire dies down
>wonder how badly that could have gone, no fire extinguisher
>finished cooking the cod pieces normally like nothing happened

First, and hopefully last, time I'll light something on fire by accident.

[Anonymous No.6246934]

>>6245600
No.

[Anonymous No.6246991]

>>6244822
I don't know why, but this post made me laugh really hard.

[Anonymous No.6247012]

>>6246126
underageb7

[Anonymous No.6247029]

>>6245469
you immediately evicted her/moved out right?

[Anonymous No.6247040]

>>6247012
Learn to read you dumb fuck. He said GERMANY LOST, which means it was probably 2002. Get fucked.

[Anonymous No.6247046]

>>6247029
That's not how abusive relationships work.

She probably knocked that shit all over the floor on purpose to keep her bitch in line.

[Anonymous No.6247048]

>>6244826
wat

how?

[Anonymous No.6247049]

>My friend and I get really high.
> bored
> Hey lets cook something.
> Suggest deep frying things.
> But Anon, we don't have a deep frier.
>Pft it's just stuff boiled in oil
> put on a pot of oil to boil
> let oil heat up for like 30 minutes on 8/10 heat.
> looks good friends
> now what to boil in oil
> Twinkies of course
> friend throws a Twinkie into the pot
> yelling "Nooooooooooo!"
> slow motion as Twinkie careens through the assure to the pot
> grab friend and push her away from the stove
> turns out that there is too much oil onto boil
> hot oil flying everywhere
> erupts into flame
>Me and friend screaming and still high as fuck.
> other girl who is also high laughing her ass off
> friend and I running in circles
> What do we do Anon?
> imagine flailing arms
>a moment of clarity
>cover the pot with a metal lid
> the flames subside
>we hug
> the tribute was black.

[Anonymous No.6247069]

>mildy drunk and hungry as hell
>oh yeah i have a frozen pizza!
>oven on 400, everything goes well, sit down to watch some late night tv
>oven timer goes off, pizza bubblin
>nofuckingovenmitt.jpg
>roommate put them both in the washer and never put them in the dryer
>a spatula should work!
>pizza falls off spatula
>onto my bare fucking foot
>screaming
>molten cheese and sauce stuck to my foot and all over floor
>wicked burns on foot and no pizza and ended up cleaning floor in pain at 3 am

>do not cook with impaired motor skills ever again

[Anonymous No.6247094]

>>6247069
>1 spatula
Use 2 next time.

[Anonymous No.6247121]

>13
>Trying to begin cooking by myself
>Get 2 chicken breasts my mom was marinating
>Throw them in a pan on high with some soy sauce/something else mixture to cook in
>"Oh, the outside of the chicken looks cooked to perfection!"
>Take out of pan, go to cut up
>Not fully cooked at all, inside looks raw and almost jelly-like
>Ask dad what was up
>Crestfallen, I put the food back in the pan on a lower heat and covered it
>It cooked all the way through, but was dry as shit and tasted terrible

And that's when I learned about cooking til something was actually done.

[Anonymous No.6247123]

>parents go on holiday
>ask me to look after the house
>i move in, get comfy
>they left me frozen pizzas
>pre-heat oven for a while
>eventually return to kitchen, something smells funny
>think nothing of it
>get pizza out of freezer
>unwrap pizza
>open oven door
>cloud of toxic smoke billows out
>turns out, mum keeps her pans and spatulas in the oven
>plastic pan handles and spatulas melted all over the oven

[Anonymous No.6247133]

>>6247123
>Update
Fiddle sticks.

[Anonymous No.6247137]

>be 12
>get home late from whatever
>missed dinner
>mum says it's on a plate in the kitchen, just reheat it
>go into kitchen
>plate of food is there
>how do i even
>okay so i guess...
>put plate on gas hob
>turn on hob
>stand and watch my dinner reheat
>plate explodes
I'm supposed to be the clever one in the family.

[Anonymous No.6247145]

>>6247137
>Update
Twelve year olds don't into microwaves.
My child will know, or I'll buy stoneware as to not have my child killed in an unfortunate plate explosion.

[Anonymous No.6247146]

>>6245639

She was probably laughing her ass off.

She probably got a video recorder waiting to see if the third time would come.

[Anonymous No.6247158]

>>6247069
Next time grab an old shirt and wrap it around your hand. Drag the oven rack out and let it air cool or push the pizza onto a plate from the rack.

[Anonymous No.6247162]

>Cooking some nice breaded chicken breasts in a pan
>Moving them to a plate with tongs
>Drop one of them
>Instinctively grab it with my hand
>Literal sizzling noise like in a cartoon (it was dripping with molten olive oil)
>Manage to get it onto the plate

[Anonymous No.6247166]

>>6247069
Oh god I've done the dangerous dance of the single spatula pizza removal. It's terrifying. So much hanging in the balance. Never had your bad luck though.

[Anonymous No.6247167]

>>6247158
I'd like to add to this:

Make sure it's dry. You only make that damp oven glove mistake once.

[Anonymous No.6247175]

I left a pizza in the oven for 12 hours once. It literally made noises for a few hours after I removed it. Pic related.

[Anonymous No.6247179]

>>6245390
>That pic
At least it can seat two homosexuals now

[Anonymous No.6247182]

>>6247167
oh god yes. i've had three burned fingers before from damp oven glove removal. i wish i would have thought of that at the time though but thanks. i will most likely remember this next time i decide to mess around with the oven

[Anonymous No.6247185]

>>6247179
Or two sexually liberated ladies, anon.

[Anonymous No.6247189]

>>6247167
>damp oven glove mistake
Explain? I haven't had the privilege of doing this yet.

[Anonymous No.6247193]

>>6247189
the heat goes right through it and in addition kind of gives you a steam burn. always always always make sure your mitts/towels are dry it hurts like a motherfucker

[Anonymous No.6247195]

>>6247189
Liquid transfers heat much more easily than cloth. It'll heat up almost immediately and burn the fuck out of your hand while it turns to steam.

I remember learning that wiping down the popcorn kettle at my old job.

[Anonymous No.6247200]

The old popcorn in the microwave for too long, leaving a huge pot of sauce on the stove to burn (actually tasted really good, the burned portion lending the flavor to the very large amount of sauce) pot took me 500 years to clean though. Dropped a knife on my foot. Mandolin. Stink bug flew in soup as I was cooking it and I didn't notice. Left freezer open and had to throw whole thing of food away.

That's all I can remember

[Anonymous No.6247207]

>>6247200
I accidentally let some spices burn last week as I was toasting them for some chili. Not burn burn but get waaay to toasty. They tasted really good, surprisingly. Also you reminded me that I put a spider I found in the chili. Delicious. Did the stink bug have a noticeable effect?

[Anonymous No.6247208]

>>6246892
Fuck. You brought up some fun memories.

>be in highschool
>Spanish class is having "food day"
>can bring in any Latin-American food
>mom helps me make sopapillas.
>turn out great
>turn off stove and leave pot of oil to cool down before cleaning out
>less than a minute later
>hear the hiss of a thousand dragons coming from kitchen
>run in to find mom has dropped an ice cube into the still searing hot oil
>she thought it would cool it down faster

[Anonymous No.6247209]

>>6247207
too***

[Anonymous No.6247210]

pizza-on-foot guy here and i remembered another one that cracks me up but isn't related to food, just cooking

>19, first apartment
>roommates and i smoke a lot of weed at the time
>home alone because i work graveyard shift, bored, toking and listening to some music and get hungry
>turn burner on and heat up some beans and potatoes in curry sauce i had leftover from day before
>no microwave because it blows the cheap shitty outlets.
>put a piece of naan bread in oven to warm up and take pan off heat
>have towel on oven to take out when it's finished [the irony]
>still high as fuck but think i'm functioning fine
>hey, what's that really weird pretty light out of the corner of my eye?
>towel is on fucking fire
>throw it in the sink and run water over it while fire alarm screams
>turn oven and stove off and sit on the floor for about an hour
>night shift roommate gets home and finds crispy black towel on the oven what the fuck dude

>mfw i literally never learn not to cook messed up

never really smoke weed after that anymore though. it killed all my rational thinking and it was like i was a five year old going WAT DO WITH FIRE AHHHH it;s a surprise i didn't burn the building down

[Anonymous No.6247214]

>>6247207
it was only a smallish pot of soup, so yeah. The smell was immediately noticeable and horrible.

[Anonymous No.6247217]

>>6247214
I've never actually smelled a stink bug. They invade my place of work once a year but I always just take them outside. I'd like to smell it but I don't see why I should kill a bug just to get a sniff.

[Anonymous No.6247225]

>>6247217
fuck with them enough and they'll stink for you without having to kill them, that's for sure. If I were to describe the smell it's for lack of a better term "smelly". If you ever smelled a skunk it's sort of the same idea. It's a very immediate odor. They smell musty and sort of like acid. Also it sticks in your nose for forever and the roof of your mouth.

[Anonymous No.6247228]

>>6245341
I didn't notice the ranch until I read through it again. What the fuck is wrong with you?

[Anonymous No.6247238]

>>6247225
Maybe that explanation is good enough and I don't need to try this. Maybe..

[Anonymous No.6247245]

>get some milk in a glass bottle from parents who aren't going to drink it
>put it in back of fridge and forget about it
>three months later hear a loud BANG
>look around my apartment and can't figure out what it was
>milk is leaking out of my fridge
Holy hell that was quite the mess to clean up.

[Anonymous No.6247252]

>>6247208
>>mom helps me make sopapillas.
New Mexifag detected

[Anonymous No.6247296]

>>6247049
> be 7
> mom leaves me to my own devices a lot
> I want fries
> fries need oil
> lard is oil
> heating lard in a cast iron pan
> too hot
> I'm 7 I don't know a lot about cooking
> throw fresh cut potatoes in lard
> smoke everywhere
> hot lard sprays my 7 year old face
> hour lard in my eyes
> start crying
> mom comes into kitchen
> turns off pan and takes off heat
> hugs me and brings me to sit on her bed
> I cry telling her my war story
> we listen to old suspense radio plays from the 30's

[Anonymous No.6247307]

>>6247296
What a sweet story. I wish my cooking disasters ended so nicely. Does she have an amazing hip to waist ratio and supple, nourishing breasts?

[Anonymous No.6247310]

>>6243466
I've done this before.

[Anonymous No.6247319]

>>6247307
I don't know.

.-.

[Anonymous No.6247335]

>>6247245
What happened? Did it explode?

[Anonymous No.6247346]

Neighbor finished growing his bud plants (Coloradofag at the time) and have me all the trimmings so I decide to make some cannibutter. Put 4 sticks of butter and a little bit of water with a shit load of trimming on the stove to simmer for a while.
"Hey while this is cooking I'm gonna smoke a couple bowls!"
So I pass out for about 4 hours and wake up to the most deliciously disgusting smell ever and what could've been about $150 worth of edibles.
Thankfully there was enough trim left to make another batch, which turned out wonderfully

[Anonymous No.6247365]

>>6244826
What the fuck?

[Anonymous No.6247401]

>>6245390
Modern pyrex containers tend to break from temperature shock. I'm guessing that the spoon was the trigger for the shock.

[Anonymous No.6247480]

>>6247048
rice pops just like corn

[Anonymous No.6247494]

>>6247238
we can try to keep you safe another way
NOTHING ON EARTH eats stink bugs
there's some wasps that parasitize their eggs, but the adults are off in a little stinky ecological niche, all their own

[Anonymous No.6247502]

>>6247494
The neckbeards of the animal kingdom

[Anonymous No.6247512]

>Sick
>No kettle, so I was boiling water in a pot for tea
>Water is boiling, go to pour it in my mug
>Misplaced my oven mitt (and the pot had a metal handle) so I use a kitchen towel
>Out of it because of cold
>Don't notice the towel burning on the flame I forgot to turn off
>Smell something as I'm pouring the water in my mug
>Fire inching up the length of the towel towards my hand
>But fuck, I don't want to have to waste the water and wait for it to boil
>Pour until done
>Towel blackening, flames close to hand, somehow nothing else in the kitchen catches fire
>Throw it in the sink and run water on it
>Leave it there, pass out soon after, roommate questions me when he comes home.

[Anonymous No.6247521]

>>6247217
>stink bug
Just found out what these guys look like.
Huh, never knew those things were stink bugs.
Murdered one on my stove a few weeks ago.
>>6247225
Didn't smell really, or anything like a skunk.

[Anonymous No.6247631]

>>6247494
My dog fucking LOVES eating the damned things. Only predator the entire population probably has.

She'll track them down, chase them until they're thoroughly pissed and then eat them. Her piss and shit smells horrible in the summer from it.

[Anonymous No.6247645]

>>6247631
ahaha
your dog is a gourmet with decadent tastes

[Anonymous No.6247718]

>be me
>be like 16, friend is like 14
>we decide to fry up some tater tots
>being young and retarded, we think you have to boil the oil in the pot to get the tots to fry
>boil the oil
>put the tots in
>immediately upon impact of the oil the tots turn black and catch on fire
>spitting oil and burned tots bits fucking everywhere
>run out of the kitchen
>come back shielding myself with a blanket to turn off the burner
we also froze piss in a bottle in his freezer and his mom got really mad lel

[seizureanon No.6247746]

>preparing a meal for 20 guests
>being stressed
>having epilepsy but no seizure for almost 2 years so i thought i would be safe
>seizures triggered by stress
>wake up because the doorbell rings next to black steaks, panic increases
>have a black eye and bad physical ability straight after the seizure, therefore move like a zombie
>run straight into kitchen shelves
>about 3 litres of oil and 3 litres of wine spilled on kitchen floor
>MFW

[Anonymous No.6247752]

>>6247746
lol ur balding, get hair

[Anonymous No.6247756]

>10 person sleepover
>someone wants tots
>they preheats the oven
>forget of course
>come back later
>open oven
>his parents keep ALL their teflon pans in the oven
>handles melted
>teflon ruined
I was in the other room but they must've gotten a good cancerous smell.

[Anonymous No.6247758]

>>6247746

[Anonymous No.6247769]

>>6244822
10/10

[Anonymous No.6247772]

>>6244832

u pelican i swear on me mum ill ave your gobbler rumpy pumpy chumpy.

[Anonymous No.6247827]

>>6245615
>>6245600
this fucked me up, if you're substituting x (milk) with y(yogurt) then you're replacing x(milk) with y(yogurt)
is that retarded somehow?

[Anonymous No.6247848]

>>6247827
Pretty much i fucked up, i am terrible at these things but yes. I mean because we did not have any milk she used Yogurt instead.

[Anonymous No.6247852]

>Frozen pizza into oven
>go off to play vidya
>forget about the pizza
>come back to oven too late
>it's black
>last frozen pizza there was
>try a slice
Burnt pizza is fucking amazing, i occasionally burn my frozen pizza now on purpose.

[Anonymous No.6247946]

>>6247307
Dont talk about a niggas mom like that that shit is disrespectful dude

[Anonymous No.6248044]

>Thanksgiving before last
>Family wakes up early to go to brother's football game, I stay home
>Get a call from my mom to keep an eye on the turkey
>Forget about it, start playing vidya
>Suddenly, burning smell + smoke in the house
>Just as they walk back in the door
>Turns out the juices from the turkey overflowed and began dripping into the fire
>We have to take apart the oven and clean the whole thing, takes a while
>Thankfully, we had a second oven to continue cooking the turkey
>Felt bad for almost ruining Thanksgiving dinner.

[Anonymous No.6248067]

>>6243154
>Cafe/cafeteria place under a big office building in hamburg.
>them nazifags sure do love berry yogurt in the morning
>open 25 leters worth of yogurt and mix in the berries
>run out of honey, but its still needs to be alot sweeter
>add about 600g of sugar
>the sugar was actually salt.

[Anonymous No.6248077]

>>6243429
instant noodles
magi noodles
2 minute noodles
mi goreng
cup noodles
Pretty sure them shits have hundreds of names.

[Anonymous No.6248081]

>>6244826
Ha ha, your oil was too hot an the water in the rice boiled and exploded.

[Anonymous No.6248085]

>>6245251
owning a broom and being a legit /fit/ powerlifter?

[Anonymous No.6248089]

>>6245306
My mate licked a clothes iron when he was a kid.

[Anonymous No.6248098]

>>6244822

ave it you cunt

[Anonymous No.6248099]

>>6245589
The way that dude does the sign of the cross irritates me. If it's left hand then he sould go, up down RIGHT left.

[Anonymous No.6248103]

>>6243253
I've done that with meatloaf a couple times - I get cocky and go on autopilot and leave out the egg or breadcrumbs or something.

[Anonymous No.6248104]

>>6245943
Had to enlarge the picture to see it wasn't a three hat dish.

[Anonymous No.6248105]

>but 5pound for 1.5kg frozen chicken breast
>Throw it on pan without de frosting cook it on low heat until melted, crank up heat and butterfly it and cook it into delicious, juicy, soft chicken that needs nothing but a pinch of salt.
>do that as well a few days ago
>put onions on pan aswell because yes
>operate operationally in arma3
>go to kitchen later to make tea and get ready to get back to work
>see dried out piece of chicken and onion on pan
>tasted like sawdust

[Anonymous No.6248116]

>>6247069
Holy shit /ck/ I can barely cook cereal and even I fucking know that if you don't have an oven mitt, use a god damn towel. It will absorb the heat and not burn you if you're quick. I learned this when I was 12. Dishrag works too

[Anonymous No.6248120]

>>6247252
>implying sopaipillas aren't eaten in south america
and im not even that guy

[Anonymous No.6248127]

>>6247029
She moved out three months later. She was really fucked up. Depression, bipolar, alcoholic, always calling off work so there was this tension when she was home and I was afraid if we had a big blowout she'd kill herself, but she always paid her rent on time .

[Anonymous No.6248138]

>be dumb 19 year old in first apartment
>no idea how to cook
>durr I'll fry up some pierogies
>pour oil in frying pan
>get it super hot
>toss in frozen pierogies
>grease napalm everywhere
>so glad I was wearing a long sleeved shirt and glasses

[Anonymous No.6248140]

>>6243284
Yeh in Australia we just call them cup noodles

>Pic unrelated
>Drulunk bitches on the Seoul subway huehurhuheu

[Anonymous No.6248168]

>>6247307
you sound like a real pervert

wouldnotfriend/10

[Anonymous No.6248174]

>>6247752
probably because he is not a 12 year old such as yourself

[Anonymous No.6248176]

>>6247772
I love you silly brit bongs

[Anonymous No.6249135]

>>6248044
I had this happen.

>Made turkey and macaroni
>In one oven
>Forgot to put a cookie sheet under the macaroni, as it tended to overflow a little
>It overflows
>Fire
>Literal fire
>Family and I stand there like idiots waiting for the fire to die down so we can get the turkey

The oven, turkey and macaroni all ended up okay though. Had to replace the oven coil.

[Anonymous No.6249141]

>Seasoning cast iron skillets
>We've just moved
>Used to have a cement counter top, which I'd put the burning-hot skillets on to cool
>Not even thinking
>Put the skillets on the cheap, old ass counter
>Come back to a crackling sound
>The surface of the counter was peeling off

There's still a big black circle on my counter. Oh well.

[Anonymous No.6249147]

>>6243224
iktf man.
I made a bunch of chicken for my next three days of work and already ate half of it.

[Anonymous No.6249157]

>first time making redwine sauce
>make it from scratch, using thyme,carrot and what not with the help of a recipe
>recipe says "pour the sauce through a sieve"
>"ok sure!" pour (almost dump it through).
>FFFUUUUU-
>dumped the sauce down the drain

[Anonymous No.6249332]

>>6246591
I actually have an oven that's so old it doesn't have an analog clock, but it does have a timer that's super confusing to set. I dunno how to do it.

[Anonymous No.6249383]

>really hungry meaning I was grumpy already
>just came back from the supermarket
>my mother sent me a recipe which I wanted to try out
>put pan on high
>put pot with a bit of water on high and start the kettle
>start washing dirty dishes while pan and pot are heating up
>smell weird smell
>wonder what is going on
>turn around
>see that I turned on the wrong plate
>turned on the plate I had placed tomatoes on which were in plastic foil
>molten plastic foil burning up and into the stove plate
>quickly take tomatoes away
>every single one of them burst open
>quickly scrub stove plate to get the worst of the plastic off
>realise the pan is getting too hot now
>try to open jar of anchovies
>it just won't open
>give it my all
>lid pops off, jar topples over, spilling anchovy oil everywhere
>try to pry out some anchovies
>they're all clumped together
>manage to rip out a couple of pieces
>place anchovies in pan
>they burn up very quickly
>think fuck it, throw in canned tuna, didn't drain it properly because no time, boiling hot tuna water droplets jumping out of the pan and onto my arm
>open jar of capers
>spill capers water
>kitchen smells like burnt plastic

I should have just given up when the tomato thing happened but I powered through and it tasted pretty good.

[Anonymous No.6249397]

Not really a kitchen fail but
>Clean fridge out
>Some containers of rotten food from in the back of the fridge
>Leave out on counter because I was busy
>Come back to cook a few hours later, and while cooking
>POP
>Lid popped off one of the bowls really loudly
>Ohfuck
Shit scared me.

[Anonymous No.6249448]

>>6247401

>owning Tumblr containers

Wonder if it's PANsexual hewhewhew

[Anonymous No.6249472]

>>6245815

>Put in chicken breast with full bottle of Tabasco.
>Nothing else.

This is beautiful

[Anonymous No.6249480]

>>6246591
i would have fucked up so many dishes if not for that timer.

i always get slack for using it though.

[Anonymous No.6249495]

>>6247069
if the pizza came in a box, you could of used the box. just slide it under the pizza.

[Anonymous No.6249509]

oh though of one.

>watching Super Bowl with family. forget which one.
>sister wants some pizza
>frozen Tombstone pizza in freezer.
>pre heat oven, put pizza in
>set timer and go watch superbowl.
>hour passes.
>oh shit, the pizza!
>tv was too loud, we didnt hear the timer go off
>open oven door to see this big round black burnt as fuck pizza.

Could have been worse. we had another pizza and i stayed in the kitchen until it was cooked.

[Anonymous No.6249549]

>>6249509
>watching Super Bowl with family. forget which one.
How many families do you have?

[Anonymous No.6249559]

>>6249549
ha, i was referring to the super bowl

[Anonymous No.6249576]

made a vichyssoise with cahmpignons fell to the ground, i have to clean the wall or find a way to clean it.

[Anonymous No.6249668]

>brother hides half open oj in lettuce crisper sideways
>cap comes loose and fills up crispers
>its my fault cause he doesn't trust me around his stuff

welp

[Anonymous No.6249786]

>>6249332
Are you me?
Pic related
I need to wipe this down, cooked a lot of oil dishes today

[Anonymous No.6249855]

Someone post that Tartar sauce cake screencap please.

[Anonymous No.6249881]

>>6249855
What about this?

[Anonymous No.6249890]

One time I accidently shat on the baby carrots.

[Anonymous No.6250027]

My time to shine

>Be me
>Be maybe 11-13
>love ravioli
>decide to make some
>No pasta maker or rolling pin
>Smoosh dough with my hands
>Dough thick enough to satisfy a woman
>Make sauce
>Perfect, just need to blend it.
>Ask my father to blend it in the blender
>Tell him to hold down the lid
>Fucking pasta sauce everywhere because he didn't do what I just fucking said to do
>It pools onto the floor with the heat of lava
>On our feet and pants but we end up with some non floor sauce so that's okay
>Make filling
>everything is fine
>Shape ravioli
>Everything is still fine
>Put ravioli into water
>Didn't know water had to be boiling
>Ravioli filing everywhere

I had to take a walk after that.
It tasted okay in the end but not worth the horror.

[Anonymous No.6250036]

>>6250027
Another

>Youngster me wants jello
>Makes jello
>Lays it on a sheet pan
>Drop said sheet pan
>Red jello everywhere
>Under the fridge
>Under the stove
>Splattered and cabinets
>On the fucking rug

[Anonymous No.6250043]

>>6250036
Another because I'm clumsy

>mmmmmmmmmmmmm chicken tacos
>Make a spicy sauce in the blender
>put peppers jalapeno sauce
>blend
>open lid
>sniff
>Nasal passages burn
>Hands are burning
>Cry
>Debate snorting milk into my nose

Chicken was so fucking good though.
Made it many more times after that.
I miss it.

[Anonymous No.6250051]

>>6250027
Forgot to mention I didn't have a cutter for the ravioli so I used a knife.
They were oddly shaped

[Anonymous No.6250059]

I've done a lot of biological surveys and summer interns are always a catastrophe in the kitchen. Usually it's just laziness or basic kitchen ignorance, but this one stood out.

>The central office sends a summer intern out to me and the other dude I work with
>She's 20, has never cooked for herself
>After 3 weeks of buddy and I alternating making dinner, she finally volunteers her services
>Gonna make white turkey chili and cornbread
>Buddy and I go take care of the afternoon stuff, once we're done wind up fishing the nearby lake for a couple of hours
>Get back to the cabin 7 hours after we left
>All windows open, fans blowing like crazy, smoke still filling the kitchen
>Girl put 5 pounds of frozen turkey in the big pot on the stove on high heat and then took a nap
>Big pot so big it was touching the wooden counter
>Turkey resembles charcoal briquets
>Huge black scorch mark on counter
>She offers us pan of "sweet cornbread" as apology
>Take one bite
>Someone has confused a cup of sugar with a cup of salt

We dumped the cornbread back in the woods and nothing ate it for a week.

[Anonymous No.6250214]

>>6249881
Was going to post this, good work.

[Anonymous No.6250222]

>>6249157
forgot to mention one thing about this. i was cooking a nice dinner to my girlfriend, had limited amount of red wine (wanted to have a few glasses of it per person) and also limited time

[Anonymous No.6250225]

>>6243253
made dumb mistake like this last night, but outcome not as bad

>gonna make broccoli soup cause no meat today
>2hr before dinner, mom "get soup ready" and other naggings until fine
>cut and wash broccoli, throw in pot with water and salt
>great idea! i'll put the water on super low so water is already hot when rest of family comes home
>2hr later rest of family calls to say coming home, crank up heat and take a peek at broccoli
>mfw forgot to boil water before adding broccoli so i dont end up with brown broccoli
>too late now. boil broccoli
>few min later, broccoli no longer boiling. turns out the electric burner died. switch burners to finish
>transfer broccoli to blender. grossly overestimate how much water i needed
>serve watery brown broccoli soup

tasted okay but still fucked up a recipe where only ingredients are broccoli, water and salt

[Anonymous No.6250256]

Coffee BBQ Sauce.
Just found it with my best friend, ancient as fuck.

> 1 cup Double Strength coffee
> 1 1/2 cups catsup
> 1/2 cup Worcestershire sauce
> 1/2 cup brown sugar
> 1/2 cup cider vinegar
> 1 tsp chushed garlic
> 1 tsp chili powder

[Anonymous No.6250269]

>>6249448
> he whew whew

[Anonymous No.6250293]

>>6247756
>people who store shit in the oven

[Anonymous No.6250299]

>>6245251
IT's called a Shark vacuum cleaner with the appliance wand. Best fucking vacuum ever.

[Anonymous No.6250309]

>>6245718
Maybe he also put dish soap in with it?

[Anonymous No.6250320]

>>6246294
Pull out the stove, wipe it down with paper towels then get to work on it with hot waster and Dawn dish soap, maybe?

[Anonymous No.6250324]

>>6246535
>accuses me of being Russian peasant
I had a heartily laugh at this.

[Anonymous No.6250325]

>>6246581
Just set an alarm next time even if your intention is to stay put. Internet always beckons.

[Anonymous No.6250330]

>>6243154

early last year, probably around this time, i attempted to make noodles half asleep one morning
forgetting about it, the water that was left boiling evaporated an hr later of turning the stove on and the cats are freaking out,
theres some smoke so i turned off the stove and opened doors and windows
like a dumbass i grabbed the pan with a rag and tried to cool it down in the freezer (i don't know what the fuck i was thinking)
the cats scare the shit out of me and i dropped the pan in the freezer
bottom of the freezer melted and mom comes home
luckily the bottom of the freezer was easily replaceable, and my mom didn't really care cause her sisters apparently did it every god damn day when she was growing up

[Anonymous No.6250332]

>>6246591
IT's not even that. I'm sure everyone here has a cell phone, especially a smartphone. So even if there's no timer, there's an alarm on phones. >>6246641
Different anon here; I've never burned anything, but that's because I stay in the kitchen when I'm cooking since I cook many parts and not just heat a can of something up, so I need to be in there.

[Anonymous No.6250342]

>>6247069
>>nofuckingovenmitt.jpg
Did you not have any sort of towel? Fuck, is this how really, really poor people live? I've never had mits- just use towels. I'm so sorry you don't have any sort of towel.

[Anonymous No.6250346]

>>6247069
Also, who cares if they weren't dry? What the fuck is wrong with you?

[Anonymous No.6250362]

>>6250027
>>Dough thick enough to satisfy a woman

i loled

[Anonymous No.6250363]

>>6247175
>that hair
>them lips
Can I suck your dick?

[Anonymous No.6250423]

>>6250330
>her sisters apparently did it every god damn day when she was growing up
They put hot pans in the freezer to cool them down every day? What?

[Anonymous No.6250443]

>>6250423
no they constantly got water evaporated in the pan every damn day

sorry for shit wording

[Anonymous No.6250501]

>>6250443
No, it's ok. I'm shit at reading comprehension. You're fine.

[Anonymous No.6250633]

>>6247123
>actually preheating
>preheating with door closed nevertheless

[Anonymous No.6250642]

>>6247123
I've had this same exact situation happen to me, except my mom filled the oven with dirty dishes and shit that still had a substantial amount of food on it. It was the worse thing I've ever smelled.

[Anonymous No.6250866]

[Anonymous No.6250871]

Guy of the cat.
Your mother have to let you dawn in the shit when she discover of have an mongol.

[Anonymous No.6250874]

>>6250866

god damn it

[Anonymous No.6250882]

>>6250866
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7t-Nrek3VUE

[Anonymous No.6250903]

>>6250866
What the fuck?
What kind of fuck does that?
What a piece of shit. Sincerely hope they get burned alive too.

[Anonymous No.6250922]

>>6245251
I never realized before how convenient it is to have a fridge that has a cupboard underneath that sits right on the floor.
simply not possible to spill anything under there

[J No.6250928]

>>6245306
are you... are you fucking me? this is EXACTLY what happened to me at age 3. same situation and twice in a row with a couple of weeks in between aswell.
did she immediately stuff your hand into a plastic mug with cold water too?

[Anonymous No.6250941]

>>6248099

You should never end the cross on the left for the left is of the devil. Nobody i know is cristian and i still know this.

[Anonymous No.6250950]

Not really a fuck up story but happened none the less
> be at a friends house
> we smoking and drinking
> mention to friend I'm hungry and if he has anything to eat
> tells me to help myself
> man I want a fried pbj
> grab a pan and put some olive oil in it
> grab some bread and some pb and j
> jelly a piece of bread
> blackout then
> friend wakes me up the next day with the biggest shit eating grin
> beckons me to the kitchen
> in the kitchen is a empty container of peanut butter and a pan with two pieces of bread one with jelly on It floating in a lake of olive oil

God I still laugh just thinking about it

[Anonymous No.6250956]

>16 years old
>live with brother right across from my parents
>I'm hungry at home and everyone else is working.
>go over to my parents house to make myself some pizza
>for some reason i put my keys on the counter
>put the pizza in the oven at 200°C
>go back to my place
>notice i dont have any keys
>notice that the doors are closed
I got my brothers key from work and managed to get it out after an hour.
Still tasted pretty good though.

[Anonymous No.6250967]

>>6245654

i don't understand what you're supposed to hve done to yourself. why did he suggest bleaching it?

[Anonymous No.6251179]

>>6249157

[Anonymous No.6251215]

>>6248140

Do you put them on the barbie?

[Anonymous No.6251253]

>>6250222

>few glasses per person

How many bottles of red wine did you have on hand

[Anonymous No.6251375]

>>6247175
>>6250363

>that hair

Dude from the thumbnail I thought that burnt pizza was his stomach hair

[Anonymous No.6251458]

>at dad's house
>put the kettle on for hot tea after shoveling driveway
>go upstairs to change clothes
>get distracted by internet
>forget kettle on stove
>smell of burning plastic sends me running back to kitchen; kettle is charred
>freak out and remove it from stove top
>set it down directly on the counter like a retard
>linoleum countertop now has a big circular burn mark in it

Thank all that's holy that the kettle belonged to me and my dad is planning on replacing that countertop soon, or I'd feel terrible.

[Anonymous No.6251476]

>>6245341
I'm so glad I didn't eat breakfast yet. I might not eat anything today after reading that because my brain will make it will all taste like chicken bacon ranch Cheez-It ramen now. Damn, anon.

[Anonymous No.6251478]

>>6251458

Why do you place your kettle on your stove? Or is it one of those metal ones that go phhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE like those in movies?

[Anonymous No.6251485]

>>6251478
Yes, it's metal. It didn't have a whistle, though. But yeah, I put it on the stove; how else am I going to get boiling water?

Maybe you're thinking of a teapot instead.

[Anonymous No.6251488]

>>6251485

I always think of electric kettles

[Anonymous No.6251494]

>>6243154
>wife grew up with dogs
>boasts about how when you spill food while cooking, you call the dog, and the dog cleans your floor for you


>fast forward 2 years
>get a cat
>spill some scrambled eggs while plating, because hung over
>call the cat
>cat runs over, eats a single mouthful of eggs, and then leaves
>mfw there are eggs on the floor for 2 days, because my wife is visiting her sister and I don't feel like cleaning up

[Anonymous No.6251495]

>>6245446
>Left egg rolls in the oven for 3 weeks

How long was the oven on for?

I'll bet she wasn't missed when she went.

[Anonymous No.6251498]

>>6251494

Dogs are man's best friend, man. Gosh, dogs are just the best.

[Anonymous No.6251509]

>be 13
>making some popcorn
>put it in microwave for like 5 minutes since i just take it out whenever it stops popping, and popcorn buttons are shit
>decide to get some chocolate milk while it pops
>grab a big-ass cup from cabinet
>cup was actually a support for the shelf above it holding the wineglasses
>two dozen wineglasses shatter on the floor around me
>barefoot, don't want to step on glass
>microwave starts smoking
>fire alarm goes off, automatically alerting the fire department
>2 minutes left on the microwave, don't want a fucking fire to start
>leap over broken glass, turn microwave off
>fire truck arrives
>foot is full of broken glass
>popcorn is kill
>no chocolate milk

[Anonymous No.6251520]

>>6251509
you fugged up mang

[Anonymous No.6251523]

>>6251494
I'm disgusted, but I'm more impressed that your cat comes when you call it.

[Anonymous No.6251530]

>>6251509

Fuck, man. Some days you just aren't meant to do anything.

[Anonymous No.6251532]

>>6251509
>popcorn is kill
mysides.ini

[Anonymous No.6251541]

>>6251523
I tried my best to make her a dog

>she knows come, sit, stay, paw, lay down, roll over
>she will ignore you if there's a bird outside

[Anonymous No.6251545]

>>6251541
also, she will scratch the fuck out of your hand if you get near her while she's playing

[Anonymous No.6251553]

Finish baking cheesecake. As I take it out the oven I lose my grip and flips over, spilling all over the inside of the oven and on the oven door. Had to go down into the oven and attempt to clean it all out. Smelt like burnt ass that day.

[Anonymous No.6251562]

>>6251545

That's why I just poke my neighbour's cat with my flip flop whenever she's in my flat and playing. She's such a princess it's unbelievable.

[Anonymous No.6251688]

>>6251494
My cat would have eaten it. Have had her two months now, we found her as a stray. She's a fucking garbage disposal. She'll even eat fruit. Can't have anything out around her.

>>6251541
Impressive. My old cat that has now passed away always came when called, but it's because she was really cuddly and clingy, not trained.

[Anonymous No.6251760]

>Cook burgers last summer
>Take em off the grill, go inside
>Trip on doorway
>Drop them on muddy enteryway carpet
>Grab em
>Hot
>Wash em in the sink

[Anonymous No.6251883]

>>6251523
not that hard. its only lazy ass neck beards that claim cats cant be trained.

[Anonymous No.6251932]

>>6243307
why did you bake a potatoe in a glass dish to begin with?

[Anonymous No.6251942]

>>6247208
>>run in to find mom has dropped an ice cube into the still searing hot oil
>>she thought it would cool it down faster

[Anonymous No.6251949]

>>6249383
You are a walking health hazard.

[Anonymous No.6252144]

>>6247123
I never understood people who store shit in their oven. I guess if you never ever cook it makes sense but someone always seems to turn it on sooner or later.

[Anonymous No.6252196]

>dad wants steak
>mom says its too dark outside grill steak
>"no"
>ends up making steak with a flashlight
>ends up twisting his ankle and falling into the pool
>steaks burn

[Anonymous No.6252203]

>>6252196
OH DAD what a bumbling buffoon you are.

[Anonymous No.6252211]

>>6251509
>cup was actually a support for the shelf above it holding the wineglasses
Fuck people who do that shit. Just fix the goddamn shelf. Sorry anon, I bet you got blamed for that.

[Anonymous No.6252224]

>>6251495
Oven was off but she never bothered to take the old food out. I rarely used the oven, just the stove top. But after her I made it a habit to check the oven first before preheating.

[Anonymous No.6252251]

>>6252144
yea its pretty stupid.

only thing i store in my oven is stoneware and this thin baking sheet that is older than me. so its not a big deal if someone turns on the oven.

hell ive gotten so used to having a stone in there, ive pre heated the oven a couple times, fully expecting the stone to be in there. only to find out its empty.

[Anonymous No.6252260]

>>6252196
my dad used his grill no matter the weather. Rain, sleet, snow, windy, etc.

[Anonymous No.6252266]

>>6252260
he's a dummy

I bet he tries to buy corn in the winter, too, huh?

[Anonymous No.6252267]

>>6250642
Is your mom suffering from some form of dementia? I'd expect that behavior out of my grandmother.

[Anonymous No.6252296]

>>6252266
hah i think he did a couple times.

usually he just got the frozen ones from the store.

[cunt No.6252307]

Burnt the absolute fuck out of about $5000 worth of caviar.

[Anonymous No.6252365]

>>6252307
How?

[Anonymous No.6252391]

>>6247335
Bacteria that grow in milk produce a lot of gas. Now imagine if they're allowed to do that for 3 months.

[Anonymous No.6252523]

>>6249786
Mine looks really similar. Any ideas on how to set the timer?

[Anonymous No.6252575]

Not really cooking, but food related nonetheless:
>12 years old or something
>want some yoghurt
>grab plastic bowl
>pour in yoghurt from carton
>walk back to table
>bowl slips from fingers
>hits the floor, bounces, spins rapidly cartoon style
>straight |_| shaped line of yoghurt from wall to wall
>line stops right below the ceiling on both sides

[Anonymous No.6252585]

>>6243418
Depends on what time period you're from.

If you're from eleventh century Ireland, being as sober as a judge means you're so drunk, your antique oak desk resembles a brightly coloured piece of furniture from Ikea.

[Anonymous No.6252588]

>spicy black bean soup
>incompetent mother doesn't put lid back on container securely
>drop it in the 2 feet between table and fridge
>liters of black goop FUCKING. EVERYWHERE.
>dog cleaned most of it up
>mon visage quand

[Anonymous No.6252611]

>>6250874
>>6250882
>>6250903
>tfw I missed it because I Was at work

[Anonymous No.6252634]

>>6252144
I got the habit from my mother, but we've been pretty good about taking the things out. Only once did I turn on the oven without taking the stuff out, but it was her cast iron and oil pan with a very dutable handle, so nothing melted.

I still do it now in our house. I'm the only one that cooks, so there's no problem with someone accidentally leaving something in there. I just don't want crap getting in my oil from vacuuming or just everyday old skin flaking off and flying around. You just have to not be stupid is all, I guess.

[Anonymous No.6252636]

>>6252196
>not having a light outside or stand up flood lights
You dad is a child, isn't he?

[Anonymous No.6252683]

>make some delicious candied yams on on thanksgiving
>decided to make them again two years later from memory
>all smug around my college roommates "these are gonna be so delicious guys I swear"
>peel them over the sink, turn the garbage disposal on
>the garbage disposal breaks
>roommate cursing as he plunges in the sink, tries to fuck with the pipes
>heh... oops, guess we weren't supposed to do that... it'll be totally worth it though, just you wait
>put them in the oven as we fuck with the garbage disposal
>they're taking forever to cook
>realize I was supposed to boil the potatoes for a while first
>"come on anon we're starving, are they almost finished?"
>they're not even close to almost finished
>leave them in too long for the potatoes to soften up, turn heat way up
>the marshmellows and sugar burns
>house is starting to smell like smoke
>give up and take them out
>the center is still crisp and unchewable and they are coated with a black layer of burnt sugar

fucking awful I had to buy some pizzas to make up for that

[Anonymous No.6252763]

>>6252144
i dry dishes in a warm oven. no accidents so far

[Anonymous No.6252789]

>attempting to fry an egg for lunch
>egg slips from my fingers and falls to floor
>eggsplosion thankfully misses my clothes
>sadly clean it up and get another egg
>manage to crack it into the pan this time
>carry empty shell back to garbage can
>ribbon of albumen drips off the shell and down my pant leg
>go back to work with egg all over my leg

Some days I think the universe hates me.

[Anonymous No.6252825]

>>6243466
alternatively
>favorite bowl falls out of top shelf of cupboard
>explodes on counter and pieces go everywhere
>a couple go on the stove top near the burner while it's turned on
>go to grab it
>the clay is really fucking hot and I get a blister on the very tip of my index finger
>still have to clean up the rest of the bowl

sometimes i wonder why i even bother anymore

[Anonymous No.6252856]

I didn't realize how shitty Kryten's makeup was until this pic.

[Anonymous No.6252867]

>>6252856
That's only for one or two episodes. It's not Robert Llewelyn, it's some other guy.

Next season they had much better make up.

[Anonymous No.6253658]

>>6247145
>Implying average stoneware can take direct heat

[Anonymous No.6253702]

>live with friend in college
>we're both lazy/retarded and leave food/condiments out on our countertop all the time
>kitchen was tiny, so all of our counter space is loaves of bread, beer cans, unwashed plates, etc...
>after a holiday break, my mom makes me some tasty casseroles/noodle bakes, and puts them into glass pyrex dishes with plastic lids.
>you can put these glass dishes in the oven, if you take off the plastic lids, done it many times.
>one day, I take one of the glass dishes out, pop in the oven to heat it up, and then transfer contents onto a plate
>turn off the oven, to rest the empty casserole dish on top of the oven range, because there was no space left in the dirty kitchen to put an empty dish
>next day I'm with my buddy and we have a couple beers and get hungry again
>I decide to put another, smaller dish from the fridge into the oven and turn it on while we have another beer
>a few minutes go by and my friend said the place was a mess and decides to do the dishes, so he goes into the kitchen
>he says from the other room "uhhhh... bro what the fuck are you doing?"
>walk into the kitchen where this clear casserole dish is resting on a red-hot burner
>turned on the stove instead of the oven
>I turn the heat off and we both kinda laugh, leaving the kitchen
>30 seconds later the thing fucking EXPLODES sending glass all over the kitchen and into our living room
>I spend the rest of the night cleaning glass from the floor, carpet and even CABINETS where the dish shattered from cooling

[Anonymous No.6253706]

>go to make Easy Mac
>"add 2/3 of a cup of water"
>for some reason I read that as "two to three cups"
>2 1/2 cups of water!
>end up with macaroni soup

>be me, 2010
>senior in high school
>cooking class because electives
>making sugar cookies
>one of the other groups decides that salt would be better than sugar on top of sugar cookies
>they're about to throw them out when I have a stroke of genius
>tell them to give me cookies, I have a plan
>next period most of the same people from cooking had English together
>Mr. Parker, cool as the other side of the pillow
>walk into class and tell him we made sugar cookies and we had extra for him
>Mr. Parker lights up like it's Christmas
>give him the cookies and wait
>halfway through the period we're reading and everyone from cooking class knew what I had given him so we're all secretly watching and waiting for him to go for the cookies
>finally he takes the foil off
>this is the moment you've all been waiting if.jpg
>grabs a cookie and takes a bite
>freaks out and spits out cookie
>anonhowcouldyoudothis?!.png
>whole class dying
>give him my perfectly made sugar cookies because I'm not a prick

[Anonymous No.6253717]

>>6245533

For some reason I was already giggling hard at just the first two greentexts and your picture.

[Anonymous No.6253727]

>>6245774

Man these are great. Keep it up /ck/

[Anonymous No.6253738]

>going to potluck at pal's with the gf
>making pecan pies to bring
>time management skills are poor, pies are coming out of the oven right before we have to leave
>as I take the pies out, immediately flip one filling-side-down right onto the kitchen floor
>yell FUCK! at maximum volume and make >_< face
>she shakes her head in disapproval and tells me to control my temper

[Anonymous No.6253752]

>preparing corn on the cob for family dinner
>start de-husking real fast
>yank a taut corn husk fibre right across the palm of my hand
>human sauce goes everywhere
>mfw when I had to get stitches because I cut myself on corn

[Anonymous No.6253758]

not food, but happened while i was working in a kitchen

>long as fuck day
>haven't even have had time to drink because so much work to do
>thristy as fuck
>clean and dry glasses are kept outside, at the bar, no drying glasses left
>grab a glass that just came out of the dishwasher, hot as fuck
>"meh, it won't affect the water aslong as a don't let it stand"
>some ice and cold water

>hear a crack
>wut
>glass explodes in my hand
>cuts the skin between my long and ring finger pretty bad
>needed stitches


don't drink water, it's not good for you

[Anonymous No.6253813]

>>6253758
>different place
>cleaning the place
>we feep-fry a lot so we clean the friers every day
>turn them off, carefully empty oil into large pots via valves the friers had, scrub the entire thing real good, pour the oil back in (we would use the same oil for 3-4 days, depending on how dirty it got
>mfw pouring it back in

i had forgotten to close the valve again, the still very, very hot oil gushed down my leg

luckily i was wearing proper clothes and some very thick and good pants, the oil only gave me a few blisters and didn't leave a scar

[Anonymous No.6253828]

>buy (first) jar of jerk chicken seasoning.
>use pastry brush to brush it on to the chicken
>realize i've been dipping a brush that has been in contact with raw chicken into this jar that will no means be finished.

[Anonymous No.6253885]

Help

>Be me
>Be browsing thread
>Chewing gum because I do that a lot because of stomach problems.
>Forget about gum sometimes
>Eat soup
>Where is my gum
>Spoon soup to put into mouth
>Gum

I'm still eating it but I feel weird about it

[Anonymous No.6254016]

>>6252763
But why

[Anonymous No.6254233]

>>6252575
'nother
>make some chocolate milk from cacao powder
>bigass plastic mug
>cold milk, condensation on mug
>pick it up, it slips
>drops a whole 2 inches on countertop
>pic related
That green bowl on the right is the one I dropped in the yoghurt story, heh.

[Anonymous No.6254523]

>>6254016
helps out when you have a LOT of dishes to dry and you run out of dry towels

[Anonymous No.6254621]

>drive out to the coast with a couple of mates
>we bring a disposable bbq and burgers etc.
>we leave all that stuff in the car and go get wrecked in various seaside pubs
>in the last pub, those two get into a massive fight, ignoring my pleas for sanity
>i decide to wander around the town alone with mp3 tunes
>end up walking along the beach alone at night (pretty sweet)
>meet up with them further up the beach, they've made up again and started the bbq
>mfw they placed it directly down on the sand at ankle height
>there's a significant breeze blowing on the beach
>i tell them there will be sand in the food god dammit
>they laugh it off and make the food anyway
>first bite: yep, sand
>spit it out
>i tell them i'm not eating their sand burgers and they get all offended
>mfw they spend an hour eating these burgers and telling me what a pussy i am for letting a bit of sand stop me from enjoying their delicious burgers
>next morning (we slept in the car)
>mfw i wake up to the sound of both of them throwing up on the beach
>i'm fine
>i decide not to remind them that they ate sand that's probably covered in dog piss and sewage from the ocean
Needless to say, I had the last laugh.

[Anonymous No.6255257]

>>6247307
fuck you, now my dick's hard you faggot