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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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6230556 No.6230556 [Reply] [Original]

fuck you /ck/ fuck you fuck you fuck you

you didn't tell me this would happen

I thought cooking was supposed to be fun

I'm never doing this fucking bullshit again

>be total retard in the world of cooking
>this one fine bitch I wanna slam says she likes it when guys cook for her
>decide now is my time
>set up a time for her to come over to my place
>gonna cook her a romantic dinner and shit
>she seems excited
>a bit before she comes over I fly to /ck/
>learn what I can in 30 minutes about cooking
>decide I know enough and wanna boil some lobsters
>hell fucking yeah
>go over to the market and get four of their finest lobsters
>read somewhere online to bring a chill-chest to keep the lobsters in
>do just that
>walk around the store with my delicious friends in their new chilly home
>don't know how dumb I look
>bring them home
>have a bit of time before girl comes over
>decide to make some biscuits as an appetizer
>read somewhere that as a fun family game you can put coins inside biscuits and have people break them open
>think I'm gonna get lucky so I put a condom in hers
>lol I'm so suave
>she arrives
>tell her I'm just about to boil the lobsters
>she's obviously unfamiliar with the high art of boiling
>inform it must be done while they're alive
>she's really upset
>assure her they feel no pain
>put two of 'em in a pot of water
>want them to boil quickly so put flame on high
>leave the kitchen so we can chat it up on the couch
>a few minutes pass
>present her with the biscuits
>tell her to break hers open for a surprise wink wink
>she does
>nothing in hers
>take a big chomp of mine
>the most disgusting taste of rubber and plastic fills my mouth
>jesus christ it baked into the biscuit
>what was I thinking
-c

>> No.6230558

>>6230556
>high pitched screaming coming from kitchen
>she freaks the fuck out
>asks if the lobsters are screaming
>say "if you were being boiled alive, wouldn't you?"
>why the fuck did I say that
>smoke starts coming from kitchen
>oh fuck
>remember I left the paper bag with the other two lobsters out near the burner
>fly in there
>water is on a rapid fucking boil sending hot ass water everywhere
>paper bag is on fire
>oh fuck
>only one lobster is ash
>there were two
>where the fuc-
>one of the lobsters is clear in the hell on the other side of the kitchen
>it's rolling/running around to avoid flame and boiling water
>girl starts screaming
>run up to lobster
>stomp on it
>I'm wearing my cleats
>lobster goes everyewhere
>girls stops screaming
>the room is covered in ash and lobster
>she just looks horrified
>look over to her
>decide to just go for it and say "bon appetit, wanna fuck?"
>she slaps me and leaves
>tells all her friends who tell all my friends
>friends now call me chef boy-r-dumb

jesus fucking christ

>> No.6230563

im not reading all this shit

>> No.6230568

>>6230563
do it, it's delicious pasta

>> No.6230573

>>6230556
why did you make up this story and post it on the internet?
You could be making a difference

>> No.6230601

I was genuinely convinced until
>I was wearing my cleats

7/10 I keked audibly.

>> No.6230607

Not that funny/10

>> No.6230617

>>6230558
>run up to lobster
>stomp on it
>I'm wearing my cleats
>wearing my cleats
>my cleats

Who the fuck where's cleats inside?

>> No.6230627

>>6230617
they were black and the closest thing I had to dress shoes

>> No.6230640

Why the copy pasta? It's quite old.

>> No.6230785

jesus christ this threat is like fucking clockwork

>> No.6230983
File: 166 KB, 768x1764, 1394460345724.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6230983

>>6230556
retard

>> No.6231008

>>6230983
>retard

for sharing this story with you all? i am a teacher, and a leader of men.

>> No.6231037

>>6230983

hurrpdhduaaa durr durrr hurrrrr

>> No.6231647

haha~ remember this 'pasta from a few years back
still a funny read

>> No.6231653

>learn what I can in 30 minutes about cooking

i think i can see where you went wrong.

> wanna fuck?/slaps and leaves

ahh, this must be a nice pasta i have never tried before.

>> No.6232370

>>6230627
>can afford 4 lobsters for some girl he hasn't even fucked
>can't afford shoes

Stop pretending this is a true story