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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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6160422 No.6160422[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

So /ck/, I have a fart fetish and I have a gorgeous friend coming over for dinner soon. Is there anything I can feed her that'll make a rude smelly gassy eruption or two most likely to happen? Bonus points if it's not something you'd expect it from.

>> No.6160434

Lots of carbs like a heavy italian dinner and make her eat sort of fast like "oh I forgot we have to get to so and so on time" also serve champagne or soda with dinner
Something with dairy for dessert. But you might make her date ruined if shes trying to impress you and she lets out a fart during dinner, thats a newlyweds shared experience.

>> No.6160445

Jerusalem artichoke. Guaranteed explosive gas.

>> No.6160454

Carbs is definitely the way to go. Heavy pasta, with cream sauce. Carbs 'n' dairy. On another note, how is this thread getting legitimate responses? There really is something about this board that really comes together when talking about poop or farts.

>> No.6160456

>>6160434
She's an old friend, this isn't a romantic thing.
>>6160445
Just looked these up. They sound amazing.

>> No.6160461

>>6160422
Lentils or chick peas. Something like hummus and carbs.

>> No.6160465

You may have a fart fetish (kill yourself) but I assure she doesn't, and what you're asking us to do is tell you how to get her get out of your house ASAP to avoid being embarrassed.

>> No.6160469

>>6160445

"Which way soever they be dressed and eaten, they stir and cause a filthy loathsome stinking wind within the body, thereby causing the belly to be pained and tormented, and are a meat more fit for swine than men."

—John Goodyer

>> No.6160474

>>6160454

Because pooping and farting are universal human experiences that almost never get discussed outside of anonymous imageboards, so why not discuss the latest massive shit you had that smelled so bad it nearly caused a biohazard team to kick down your door?

>> No.6160480

>>6160434
>that's a newlywed's shared experience

seconded. the first time I had to fart when I started living with my boyfriend I went out onto the balcony or would take the trash out or something

After a few years I still try to go to the bathroom to let one loose. I know people fart when they sleep and for that reason I hate when he sleeps later than me because I worry he can hear or smell it

>> No.6160511

>>6160480
holy shit do all women do this

>> No.6160515

>>6160511
The ones that want their men to give them rimjobs do.

>> No.6160521

>>6160422
Saute cabbage and onions in bacon fat with salt and pepper, and hot sauce. Serve with sausages and really hoppy beer. Tell her it's German food to make her think it's unique and delicious.

>> No.6160522

>>6160480
If I have a gf I would reassure her that it is ok to fart around me.

>> No.6160532

Baked beans.

http://youtu.be/MDVrmSEZEKg

>> No.6160538

>>6160511
Ones that are respectable yea.
>>6160522
thats sweet but not all girl farts are cute little vanilla whisps.

>> No.6160554

>>6160515
All of my yes. Boyfriend can never find out or my plan is ruined.

>> No.6160557

>>6160538
>not all girl farts are cute little vanilla whisps
when you have a fart fetish, that is kind of the point

>> No.6160559
File: 20 KB, 425x411, 1339740898974.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6160559

>tfw mom's pissing in the toilet with the door open and stares directly into my eyes as she lets loose the foulest, nastiest fart i've ever heard

>> No.6160711

>>6160559
I almost pissed myself laughing after reading that.

>> No.6160717

>>6160511
I dated my boyfriend for at least four years before I'd fart in front of him or take a shit when he was over. I don't give a fuck anymore.

>> No.6160722
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6160722

>>6160422
>>6160480
>>6160522
>>6160538

>> No.6160725

>>6160559
that's what every NEET deserves

>> No.6160727

>>6160422
My girlfriend works night shift, and she stays up in bed while I sleep (she has to stay on her sleeping schedule on the nights she has off). Not only do I snore really loud, but I fart all night long apparently. She's woken me up on a few occasions fanning the sheets, and it smells like toxic diarrhea. We've had to leave the room a time or two.

>> No.6160733

>>6160727
Are you my husband?
All of a sudden when im reading or on netflix I feel a burst of heat and 2 seconds later the stank whafts up like a toxic cloud. I get so angry because I get nauseous quickly so we started using to separate blankets and I use his between us like a buffer.

>> No.6160768
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6160768

>>6160559
Time to move out

>> No.6160780

>>6160559
You know what to do

>> No.6160784

>>6160727
Sigh.....yeah, my husband farts and snores all night too. Every night. Snores like a freight train and farts like a dog that ate a bunch of cabbage and eggs. It's foul. We do what >>6160733 does, and use separate blankets because otherwise he'd run me right out of the bedroom every night. It's pretty funny though when he farts and makes the cat jump up and move to my side of the bed. What worse, is when he's farting and the dog farts too. Our dog sleeps in a dog bed next to my side of the bed, so then I'm getting hit on both sides. Pure hell.

>> No.6160791
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6160791

>>6160784
>>6160733
>married feels

>> No.6160811

>>6160559
Where do you live I can probably get with your mom. Unless your name is zion in which case ..... Yeah.... Sorry

>> No.6160818

>>6160727
What kind of job would a woman work the night shift at?

>> No.6160820

>>6160559
I think she's trying to tell you something.

>> No.6160831

>>6160818
Not that anon, but nurse?

>> No.6160834

>>6160818
She's a nurse.

>> No.6160835

>>6160818
Medical is typical, but it's not like women are prohibited from doing night jobs. I used to work the night shift in a metal stamping facility, and we had plenty of women working the night shift. Medical facilities, factories, 24 hour grocery stores, 24 hour restaurants, etc etc.

>> No.6160840

>>6160831
>>6160835
Ding ding ding. You would both be correct.

>> No.6160842
File: 6 KB, 369x369, 1352823381215.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6160842

An extremely flatulent man here. Here are some guidelines.
>beans
Normal length farts with a varying smell that depends on whatever else was eaten along with it
>cabbage, broccoli, greens
Takes a bit longer for the farts to build up. Generally deep sounding, the gas coming out in one large, long release. Smell terrible, but they dissipate quickly.
>pasta, ramen noodles
'Frog' farts. Tend to be short, but very noisy. Not much smell. You'll need to wipe later.
>White castle/Crystal flash
The grilled onions and undercooked beef ferment in your digestive tract, causing a particular odor that only occurs after eating these burgers. They're very, very fucking loud and long, and you'll be blowing rancid ass for at least 24 hours.
>boiled eggs
The showstopper. The sulfurous stench of satans ass that burns your eyes and sticks to your clothing like velcro. It only takes a few to get the maximum effect.

>> No.6160854

>>6160480
i made my gf fart in front of me once, she was so red from embarrassment but we laughed it off and been farting happily together for almost 5 years now. its funny every time.

>> No.6160856

>>6160422
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Unqv-tUJV8

>> No.6160870

>>6160854
>not making her fart directly into your open eyes
what a waste of girl stink

>> No.6160891

>>6160422

http://www.justonecookbook.com/recipes/japanese-beef-curry/

Made this the other night, including their roux recipe. I had the nastiest smelling farts in existence. Also drank some of my homebrew, though, which may have aided that.

>> No.6160932

>>6160480
Same. But my bf wakes himself up laughing from farts so I don't really care if he. Hears mine when I'm asleep. Otherwise I just go to the bathroom since I eat really light anyway so when they do come I can feel them

>> No.6160937

>>6160932
i'll be your boyfriend if you let me suck your farts directly from the source while you sleep

>> No.6160939

Also I've been on other boards too much I forgot ck is the place someone can say bf/gf without 200 replies of hate

>> No.6160945

>>6160422
Thai food does it for me. An ex GF told me that my farts are "pungent."

Beef w/basil and chiles, stuff like that, maybe a penang curry with extra chilies.

>> No.6160960

>>6160445
Don't forget to flavour with garlic!

>> No.6160983

I think this plot can be considered sexual harassment.

>> No.6160992

>>6160983
would it be sexual harassment if I farted on your moms oversize clit?

>> No.6160997

>>6160842
Underrated post

>> No.6160998

>>6160992
Yes.

>> No.6160999

>>6160939
haven't been here as long as you think

>> No.6161096
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6161096

>>6160939
/ck/ mostly stays on topic until the fast food shills, anti-meat shitposters and 'muh organic free range' faggots show up.
Even then, the shitposting is usually at a minimum compared to other boards.
Its pretty nice here.

>> No.6161195
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6161195

>>6160559
WHY THE FUCK IS /r9k/ LEAKING INTO /ck/ WITH THEIR OFF-TOPIC BLOGGING AND THEIR CHICKEN TENDERS ALL OF A SUDDEN?

YOU PEOPLE SPREAD THE WORST ATTITUDE, EVEN FOR 4CHAN. GET THE FUCK OFF MY HOMEBOARD AND TAKE YOUR RETARDED SADFROG WITH YOU

>> No.6161206

spicy kimchi, chick peas or tapioca pudding are the things that really give me gas. not sure if im a freak or these actually give other people gas but give it a try anon

>> No.6161210

This thread is fucking gold.

>> No.6161282

>>6161195
>sadfrog

His name is Pepe

>> No.6161285

>>6160422
What's wrong with that guys knee in the picture?

>> No.6161757

>>6160422
You do realise she's just going to hold it in or do it in the bathroom, you autist?

Girls don't just lose control like in your fart porn.

>> No.6161772

>>6161757
Actually, fart porn where the girl loses control instead of farting deliberately is maddeningly rare. Do your research.

>> No.6161783

>>6161772
Nobody wants to research your disgusting perversion.

>> No.6161790

You don't have a fart fetish and this is a troll thread.

>> No.6161795

>>6161790
>2015
>not having a fart fetish
what are you, some kind of fag?