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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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6083276 No.6083276 [Reply] [Original]

What are some of the worst dishes you've ever been served /ck/? My mom is the worst cook I know of and ruins every single ingredient she touches. I'm home for Christmas and tonight she gave me a bowl of what she called potato soup. What she actually gave me was potatoes in hot water with turmeric and cheese dumped in it.

>> No.6083293

>>6083276
One year for Christmas my grandma gave us the "talk". You know, the ol' speech that starts like, "Guys, this Christmas won't be like other years. Me and Pops are having to cut back."

OK, fine, you give shitty gifts anyways. I wouldn't even come if it wasn't for the food.

So instead of the usual sprawl of food, she serves some homemade pork fried rice. But it's exactly how you might expect an old white woman to make it. Boil-in-bag rice cooked and then cooled overnight. The next day fried in some butter with strips of pork and a couple of scrambled eggs and green onions.

We all went to McDonald's afterwards.

>> No.6083318

My dad will only cook well done steak... I gotta go with that. I thought steak was literally made of shoes for the first ten years of my life.

>> No.6083342

>>6083318
>tfw you used to hate beef because it was cooked weird as fuck

>> No.6083348

>>6083293
>Can't afford things like used to
>Stjll try to make Christmas a special family thing by offering homemade cooking
>everyone hates what you made
>even McDonald's is better
>McDonald's for entire family cost more than what we saved in gifts anyway

>> No.6083353

>>6083318
How many dads other there do this? Show of hands?

>> No.6083357

>>6083293
Why wouldn't your shitty family offer to go buy some fucking groceries? If things were that tough for your grandparents, but they still tried to make do, you fuckers could have stepped up. Seriously, who imposes on people who make fried rice for Christmas? What the fuck is wrong with you?

>> No.6083360

>>6083348
Well, they didn't pay for the McDonald's.

>> No.6083364

>>6083357
I guess. We were invited and weren't made aware of the plans.

>> No.6083372

>>6083342
>>6083353

He always made chili way too spicy, but I learned to love it... probably because it was the only way for him to have his beef well done, and for anyone else to be able to chew it without breaking teeth.

>> No.6083384

>>6083293
>OK, fine, you give shitty gifts anyways. I wouldn't even come if it wasn't for the food.
>wouldn't even come if it wasn't for the food.

I'm curious to know what is so horrible about your grandparents. I mean my grandparents give shit gifts at Christmas too, but it's always great to see them and give them gifts. I feel like there has to be more to this story of why Christmas with your grandparents sucks without the food.

>> No.6083395

>>6083384
You're reading way too deep into it. If it's shitty writing, then I'll own it, but there's supposed to be some humor.

The background information that is missing is how cheap she was -- to hilarious effect. My other grandmother wasn't like this. But this woman bought a lot of our gifts at garage sales. One year she somehow came across a crate of cheap binoculars (storage shed auction?), and that was our gift.

And of course we enjoyed her company. But that rice was awful, and we had a good laugh about it. Not at her expense, mind you. It was just something we look back fondly on. She died of cancer, and I miss her.

>> No.6083401

>>6083395
Yeah the humor didn't really come across at all.

>> No.6083596

store brand canned ravioli with sliced hot dogs. shredded iceberg lettuce with chopped onion and thousand island dressing. under baked Parker house rolls. jello with canned fruit salad in heavy syrup. I mean damn. Didn't anyone's mom or dad teach them to cook?, I'm no chef, but i could cook scrambled eggs, a ham and cheese or potatoes by age 6. Nothing to do with "women s lib" my parents tought their kids how to cook and survive.like sewing a button or hem, washing clothes, changing a tire, buying groceries, keeping a checkbook. life skills. II swear I dated a women whose 9 and 11 year old thought food magically appeared from subway and pizza hut, red plastic was normal and dishes did themselves, and 5 full garbage bags in the kitchen were normal. sigh.

>> No.6083616

>>6083353
Not my dad but my grandpa. He always overcooked the steak on the barbecue. Took forever to chew that shit

>> No.6085220

>>6083353
Yeah, mine did. Took me until late in college to figure out I liked mine rare.

>> No.6085228
File: 905 KB, 2048x1536, image.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6085228

This abomination appeared at thanksgiving- pear halts with mayo, cheddar, and a maraschino cherry.

>> No.6085232
File: 9 KB, 171x294, 1312309643613.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6085232

some veggie casserole dish that a friend of a friend makes everyone swears its good but its just nasty i think they all just say that to make her happy

>> No.6085245

>>6085228
iv seen this before i don't get it either

>> No.6085259

>>6083353
I'm glad to know that my dad gets it right, then. I've never known him to put a steak past medium, even though my mother is one of those poor, sad people that's terrified of even a little pink.

>> No.6085264

>>6085228
>cheese and mayonnaise
>on fruit

Why?

>> No.6085284

>>6085245
I've posted it before.

>> No.6085370

>>6083353
My father only eats medium rare or rare.
He's a good man.

>> No.6085386

>>6083395
I assumed you were a huge faggot until I read this. Now I know you're only a little bit of a faggot.

>> No.6085849

>come from /v/
> live alone
> read horrible dishes
> they are better than what I make for myself :(

>> No.6085853

>>6085849
Doesn't matter if you're willing to learn better

>> No.6085856

>>6085853
actually my girlfriend stayed with me for 3 months and everything she made was delicious.
She's chinese so it was all healthy to boot.
We will marry soon, so no need for me to learn.
I mean... usually it's not the fact that I don't know how to make better food, it's me being tired from work and lazy

>> No.6085962 [DELETED] 

>>6083276
Totally and completely comtemptous flyover hogwash

>> No.6085982

>>6085962

one day your forced maymay will make it

>> No.6085985

I love her, but my mum is an awful cook too. And she's compounding it because whenever she fails at cooking something her self confidence takes a hit and that makes the next time even worse.

Last night she made crumbed beef schnitzels. Beef really shouldn't be a schnitzel, but she apparently dun goofed and bought beef instead of veal. I made a bit of effort to hint at the fact that any attempt to crumb it would lead to a disgusting mess but she did it anyway.

Cooked way too hot in olive oil for way too long. The meat was slimy from the flour and eggwash, the crumbs were like a sponge that had been dropped in oil because she was trying to use very minimal oil and kept adding it in there and lowering the temperature of the whole thing. The beef was also overcooked to high hell and tasted like boiled meat. It was ghastly.

The extended family is lucky that I do the Christmas cooking and not her.

>> No.6086006

>>6085856
>I found someone to pander to my lazy ass, so no need to learn basic survival skills

you're pathetic, no wonder you come from /v/

>> No.6086027

>>6085228
I was at my Grandmother's house YESTERDAY and she made these for the first time since I was 7 or 8 (28 now). I've no idea if it's a Southern thing or what, but I remember it being some big treat to her.

Anyway, the most disgusting thing I've ever been served was a crawfish burger. My best friend's grandmother made it for me and, apparently, it was a beloved classic in her repetoire. It was sort of like a crab cake, but with crawfish, super dense, super oily, served on a buttered and then grilled hamburger bun.

Because I was raised to eat whatever was served me when I was a guest, I valiantly ate half of this sopping mess. I also broke up the flavor with apple slices they had at the table, which helped me at least keep the crawfish burger down. At this point, someone at the table said they couldn't eat any more because it was too rich, so I said the same thing and passed on eating any more.

>> No.6086128

>>6085985
In Amerilardland, we call this a chicken fried steak, and it is damn fine eatin'.

>> No.6086234

>>6085962
Go to bed.

>> No.6086246

>>6086128
yeah, if it's actually done correctly. Sounds like his mom had no idea what she was doing.

>> No.6086320

>>6086128
Imagine minute steaks covered in oil-soaked bread crumbs that had the consistency of boot leather and a hardly better flavour.

>> No.6087060

>>6086027
It's a southern thang.

>> No.6087081

>>6083353

steak is the only thing my dad knows how to cook

>that look he gave one of my uncles when they asked for well done steak still gives me nightmares

>> No.6087084

Came home yesterday to spend Christmas with my family. Mom pre cooked the steak "so that it doesn't take so long to get everything ready [today]"

Home sweet home

>> No.6087091
File: 52 KB, 300x374, image.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6087091

>>6083276
Is there a recipie for the thing in OP's pic anywhere

>> No.6087094

>>6087091
looks pretty straightforward to me

>> No.6087097

>>6087094
But what's the stuff on top?

>> No.6087098

>>6087097
hollandiase

>> No.6087099

>>6087098
But what's the white tube-like things?

>> No.6087103

>>6087099
Fuck off, it looked like cheese but ididn't know

>> No.6087108

>>6087099

carrots

>> No.6087154

>>6085264

>implying a Waldorf isnt heavenly

>> No.6087192

>>6087060
I'm southern and none of my family has ever made that shit.

>> No.6087197

>>6087192
It's more common in Alabama. Only old people eat it do make it. I don't know anyone under 50 that makes or eats it, but I know several old timers who do.

>> No.6087299

>>6083395
It's not shitty writting, just susubtle. It reminds me of my grandma. She had seven kids that lived to reproduce, ( two sets of twins that died) an old fashioned country lady. she could feed you, but her main intent was to teach you to feed yourself and others..We would visit Christmas eve or day before. exchange small gifts. beautiful wrapping on a pair of sox or handkerchief.. my Dad put it best.. at least you got two... cooking was not her best thing. keep it simple stupid.. I like your writting if you cannot cook at age 16 18 you are screwed I miss my grand ma. many life lessons. lived till 96. always faithful. shame the devil and tell the truth. it sounds Tyler Perry but is scouts-irish.

>> No.6087577

>>6085370

>Father always ate nearly bluebell red meats
>Can't stand anything above Medium Well because I swear on my life it reminds me of a mouthful of blood.

I'll take slow cooked red meats anyday over anything past Medium Well.

>> No.6087631

>>6086027
http://foodishi.com/recipe/pears-cheese-and-miracle-whip

lel @ that fat hog talking about sweetening mayo with sugar

>> No.6087640

anything marketed as "America's favorite ___" is often among the worst ___ I've been served.

>> No.6087653

>>6083353
Mine's like this to the extreme. He actually got mad at my mother when he found out she was cooking my steak rare because I asked her to (obviously I make my own steak now, this is when I was a kid).

>> No.6087658

>>6085264
cheese is fine little bit of mozz and prosciutto with melon is never bad but mayo on pears what the fuck

>> No.6087660

>>6087640
When you resort to patriotism to sell a food product, you're in dire straits.

>> No.6087690

chess pie in recent memory

something that i had low hopes for but tasted good was tater tots wrapped in bacon with brown sugar and chili powder on top.

>> No.6087701
File: 24 KB, 500x356, 6a00d83451b81169e20177441851f7970d-500w.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6087701

tripe menudo

every piece of tripe tasted like it had a thin layer of pond mud in the middle of it

>> No.6088836

>>6083276
My dad (single father so I kinda half forgive him) used to make 'meat loaf' by just pouring whatever was laying around into ground beef. I'm talking like canned peas + canned carrots + high fat ground beef + dehydrated potato flakes cooked at 450 for like an hour.
It was nutriloaf.
Prisoners are now suing prisons on human rights violations for having to eat the same food I got as a child.

>> No.6088878

>>6087701

Even though I know menudo is made with tripe, and read the word "tripe" successfully in the second sentence, I definitely read that as "Triple Menudo"
I was wracking my brain trying to figure out what that could possibly mean.

>> No.6088920

My mom used to make Beef Stew, but the beef was always hUGE overcooked, rubbery chunks, and she always used lentils, but would inevitably get sidetracked so they would burn on the bottom of the pot, and then the entire batch would taste Burnt as fuck. The worst part is that she would make a SHIT TON of it so it would be there, in the fridge, just sitting there, and there would be nothing else to eat, and we would tell her how much we liked it, but there was so much leftover. I used to wait till she was gone and just srape it into the trash in batches so she'd think we were eating it.

She also makes this weird jello dessert with a trust made of crushed pretzels. It's gross.

My aunt made a christmas ham once, and she literally just bought the ham and put it in the oven, no glaze, no seasoning. Fucking nothing.

>> No.6088950

>>6085228
>pears
>sour cream (cream cheese?)
>cheddar cheese
>maraschino cherries

absolutely disgusting

>> No.6089096 [DELETED] 
File: 21 KB, 469x500, dancing-granny.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6089096

>>6083276
O.P your mom may not b good cook but shes good with other things so chill.

>> No.6089107
File: 7 KB, 209x200, 1415953462680.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6089107

ITT:
>whiny little cunt farts

>> No.6089109

>gf wants to make "tuna pasta"
>boils pasta
>drain, put in pot with milk and heat up
>stirs in a can of tuna
>ready to serve

ugh

>> No.6089135

>>6087701
Dat aint pond mud son, its cow shit.

>> No.6089139

>>6088920
Pretzel salad? That shit is good as fuck if made right.

>> No.6089142

>>6087701
Someone done fucked up and did not purge their tripe.

That be cow shit

>>6087197
I'm from Al and I've never seen shit like that. Gizzards? Sure, but not that cheese/mayo/fruit abomination.

>> No.6089153
File: 34 KB, 500x500, kraft_singles_250g_1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6089153

My mom is Chinese/Thai, and makes godly Asian cuisine, but she always insists on making foods from other cultures (without a recipe to guide her).

Sometimes it turned out great. Other times, not so much.

I remember she went through an Italian phase and tried to make pastas, pizzas, and lasagna. Pasta was always overcooked and she used sliced American cheese whenever she had the chance (i.e. in absolutely everything).

Her carbonara was just melted Kraft singles.

She also tried other things (like Indian, Greek, and Japanese). I haven't had a meal with her in a long time, and sometimes I wonder if she's tried anything else I don't know about.

>> No.6089156

>>6089153
>I haven't had a meal with her in a long time, and sometimes I wonder if she's tried anything else I don't know about.

anal probably

>> No.6089386

>>6089153
Awww, go visit your mom for dinner, Anon. I'm sure she misses cooking for you!