/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.5996670]

>that nervous, anxious feeling waiting for the biscuit tube to pop open

>"It's food, not a grenade, anon. Man up, pussy."

[Anonymous No.5996673]

>>5996670
b-but what if a rag head works at the pilsbury factory and put an actual grenade in one of those tubes?

[Anonymous No.5996674]

why do americans put dough in cans

[Anonymous No.5996675]

>>5996673
Your life isn't that exciting, anon.

[Anonymous No.5996684]

>>5996674
Laziness is the mother of invention.

[Anonymous No.5996689]

>>5996684
but dough's not even hard to make

[Anonymous No.5996690]

>>5996674
It's a tube of dough, not a can.

Why do canadians put milk in bags?

[Anonymous No.5996693]

>>5996689
Not an Americlap, but that's bullshit and you know it. It's not that's it's "hard", it's that waiting for it to rise takes hours. The stuff in the can has already risen, so you can just pop the can open, cut the portions, and bake them. You get delicious fresh bread rolls within half an hour.

[Anonymous No.5996697]

In Alabama we call em "whop-whop" biscuits. If the can doesn't pop while unwrapping then you have to "whop" em against the counter to make em pop open.

[Anonymous No.5996701]

>>5996670

>put bread in toaster
>get startled every time it pops out

What the heck, man.

[Anonymous No.5996706]

>>5996674
It is a cardboard tube.
>>5996689
Most can only make mediocre dough. Grands biscuit dough is tastier than your average.

[Anonymous No.5996710]

>>5996693
>You get delicious fresh bread rolls within half an hour.
No you don't. You get a shit quality substitute for good bread because you gave in to your laziness.

[Anonymous No.5996716]

>>5996710
>You get a shit quality substitute

Nope. Sorry anon but they're perfectly acceptable bread rolls. It's a bread roll. What are you expecting here?

I suspect you've never had a meal cooked by a southern grandmother with a basket of warm Pilsbury bread roles all wrapped up in a clean tea towel. You poor bastard you.

[Anonymous No.5996718]

>>5996670
I seriously hate opening biscuits because of this. An old roommate nicknamed me Biscuits because of it. Worst is when you think you're prepared for it and nothing happens, then starts the spoon dread. I also dislike opening champagne, but I'm enough of an alcoholic that it's not as intense any more. I just make my biscuits from scratch these days...

[Anonymous No.5996720]

>>5996710
There are people who believe this and serve bland biscuits they think trump store bought. They are deluding themselves. Only time I had good homemade biscuits from scratch was when a Southern woman was over to visit.

[Anonymous No.5996724]

>>5996720
Biscuits are entirely different though. There's no reason not to make your own biscuits; there's no yeast involved so no great time saving.

>Only time I had good homemade biscuits from scratch was when a Southern woman was over to visit.

Admittedly, it does require someone who knows how to make biscuits.

[Anonymous No.5996728]

>>5996697
Lol wow Alabama

[Anonymous No.5996733]

>>5996670

>not getting based crescent rolls and filling them with hot dogs and cheese.

[Anonymous No.5996736]

>>5996724
Umm you do realize this is a Grands biscuit thread?

[Anonymous No.5996737]

>>5996718

>alcoholic
>drinking champagne

Eughrgh

[Anonymous No.5996740]

>>5996716

What self-respecting southern grandmother uses pilsbury?

[Anonymous No.5996742]

>>5996740
For bread roles? Plenty. Not for biscuits, obviously.

[Anonymous No.5996749]

>>5996716
>Pilsbury bread roles
Not a role I'd want to fine myself in.

[Anonymous No.5996753]

>>5996740
The sister of the woman I mentioned earlier ( >>5996720 ) would cook Grands iirc but she had moved up here to the North and been living here for years.

[Anonymous No.5996754]

>>5996749

Yes, I'm sure you find the passive role to be more up your ally, if you know what I mean

[Anonymous No.5996756]

>>5996749
>fine

[Anonymous No.5996757]

>>5996749
Carlos is sounding more and more like the Riddler.

[Anonymous No.5996759]

>>5996754
>ally

[Anonymous No.5996761]

>>5996754
>up your ally
C'mon. No need to perpetuate the stereotype that Southerners are illiterate.

[Anonymous No.5996768]

there's a whomp comic on this exact subject but i'm too drunk to find it

based ronnie

[Anonymous No.5996776]

>>5996737
It's to supplement my vodka-waters when I'm feeling brunchy.

[Anonymous No.5996778]

>>5996670
Just crack it open with your hands.

That'll break the fear.

[Anonymous No.5996811]

If you want to know fear make some infected homebrew and bottle it.

[Anonymous No.5996813]

>>5996670
What the fuck is wrong with your packet of biscuits if it explodes?

[Anonymous No.5996817]

>>5996813
Nothing, they're just really tightly packed in there. Once there's a change of pressure or whatever the fuck from breaking the seal that shit happens and it explodes.

[Anonymous No.5996850]

>>5996817
How in the fuck does a biscuit blow up?

[Anonymous No.5996858]

Between >>5996670 and >>5996701, I'm convinced in the distant past, bread overlords used to torture humans. I can get over other startling events and noises. Something being slammed does not cause me to jump, nor something being dropped. So many things can be brushed aside, but when it's bread products at the heart of it... the anticipation is heart stopping.

>>5996697
Fancy midwesterners press on the seam with a butter knife.

[Anonymous No.5996864]

>>5996850
I think you should buy a tube and find out.

>>5996736
Anyone else remember Grands biscuits with raisins? I was picky as a kid and hated raisins, but oh man, could I eat fistfuls of those biscuits.

[Anonymous No.5996870]

>>5996728
I'm from Alabama, and I can assure you that I've never heard that fuckery before in my life.

Also, you can hate all you want on Bama, but I got two words for ya, shitbird: number fuckin #1

[Anonymous No.5996883]

>>5996870
>two words
>number fuckin number one

[Anonymous No.5996889]

>partially hydrogenated high-omgega-6-content oil
Enjoy dying several years earlier than you could have.

[Anonymous No.5996890]

>>5996864
I did, two nights ago. A packet of chocolate biscuits and nothing about them is remotely explosive.

[Anonymous No.5996903]

>>5996690
we don't. 26 years of living in Canada and not once have I seen or heard of people putting milk in bags.

[Anonymous No.5996906]

>>5996883
>jelly

[Anonymous No.5996915]

>>5996890
>nothing about them is remotely explosive.

If you grind them up into a fine enough dust...

[Anonymous No.5996959]

>>5996870
>number fuckin #1

not in education that's for sure

[Anonymous No.5996967]

>>5996870
>we have no pro team so we root for faggy collegate-level bullshit

[Anonymous No.5997034]

that feeling when you unwrap all the paper but it still doesnt go off......oh fuck what do i do

[Anonymous No.5997059]

>>5996870
>>5996906

How did your last bowl game go Mr. Crimson Tide?

[Anonymous No.5997064]

You put one end in each hand and break it like a twig.

[Anonymous No.5997135]

>>5996670
his palms are sweaty,
knees weak, can feels heavy
there's dough on his sweater already

[Anonymous No.5997150]

>>5997135

MOM'S SPAGHETTI

[Anonymous No.5997308]

>>5996670
>Slowly peeling back the roll
>Not even halfway
>BOOM
>Bursts open cutting my finger
It was like a bad papercut. I've never bought them since.

[Anonymous No.5997316]

>>5996903
its popular in europe and latin american countries for some reason its weird

[Anonymous No.5997319]

White bread is bad.

http://nutritionfacts.org/video/is-white-bread-good-for-you/

[Anonymous No.5997660]

>>5996737
what's wrong with that? I'm a heavy drinker/borderline alcoholic too, and I drink everything I can find. I just happen to be rich and have a lot of champagne around, so I stick to it if I feel like.

[Anonymous No.5997669]

>>5997660

Don't know about you but I get really blubbery when I drink champagne so I can't drink a whole lot of it

[Anonymous No.5997682]

>>5997669
yeah, you have a point here: but it's still better than beer if you want to get drunk quickly.

[Anonymous No.5997818]

>>5996670
>not making your own cinny tins

[Anonymous No.5998042]

>>5996903
Yes we do. Everywhere in Ontario you can get milk in 1l bags. I don't know if any other province does this but I had milk in bags for most of my life in Ontario. Get it in glass bottles now, superior milk.

[Anonymous No.5998071]

>>5998042
Enjoy your prostate cancer and other health problems :^)

[Anonymous No.5998085]

>>5998071
But I have to protect against osteoporosis somehow

[Anonymous No.5998092]

>>5998085
Eat greens, legumes, and chia, and add some calcium carbonate to your oats.

[Anonymous No.5998675]

>>5998071

Why do dudes even have prostates it's just there to get cancer and checked out by doctors

[Anonymous No.5998683]

>>5996870
Northern bro here. Can confirm: number fuckin #1 is two words.

Now take me to Hunt's in Dothan.

[Anonymous No.5998706]

>>5996670
Are buttermilk biscuits good?
Why the hell does that dough look so tasty? If I had one of those tubes in front of me right now, I'd be tempted to pop it open just to it the dough.

[Anonymous No.5998708]

>>5998706
Sorry, I meant
>"just to EAT the dough".

[Anonymous No.5998712]

>>5996706
>It is a cardboard tube.
sounds unsanitary

[Anonymous No.5998767]

>>5998706
Buttermilk isn't but the things made with it are.

[Anonymous No.5998804]

>>5998712

It's coated with sanitizer

[Anonymous No.5998825]

>>5998675
It's necessary for reproduction.

[Anonymous No.5998849]

>>5998825

No that's women

[Anonymous No.5998870]

>prostate gland
>noun, Anatomy
>an organ that surrounds the urethra of males at the base of the bladder, comprising a muscular portion, which controls the release of urine, and a glandular portion, which secretes an alkaline fluid that makes up part of the semen and enhances the motility and fertility of sperm.

[Anonymous No.5998873]

>Ctrl + f "flyover"
>no results

Well that's nice.

[Anonymous No.5998891]

>>5996670
There are two main categories of biscuits. The kind with yeast and the quick rise kind.
The buttermilk-southern style that is similar to scones? This is quick rising, and can be "dropped" or rolled. A tube of biscuit dough will skip the rolling step. These? Easy to make almost instantly and the canned version isn't that much better, when you can do the boxed Bisquick, with your own fresh milk (doesn't even have to be buttermilk you keep on hand). I prefer the crunchy nooks and crannies top you get on drop biscuits if I'm making sausage n gravy.
Now, the flaky-buttery-layer kind of biscuits? Or yeast dough of say an angel biscuit?? These are actually time and labor intensive, as you book a dough, turn it, fold it, and refold it to create those layers that pocket steam. Think phyllo or croissant dough. A canned Grands or similar of the flaky layers variety is absolutely invaluable, and no, you can't actually make them that much better at home unless you dust up your kitchen like a early morning shift at the Popeyes/Bojangles nearest you. Buy them. Feel free to butter up the tops with "real butter" when you take them out of the oven.

[Anonymous No.5998892]

>>5998706
Carbs are bad for you, anon.

[Anonymous No.5998897]

>>5998892
No. Processed shit is bad for you. Carbs from whole plant foods are great. Except for white potatoes. Consumption of those correlates with a 50% increase in kidney cancer. It's 400% for regular meat consumption, so you probably don't care.

[Anonymous No.5998901]

>>5998897
I do care, anon. Please educate me. Do you not eat meat? What did you have for breakfast? What will you have for diner?

[Anonymous No.5998907]

>>5998897
I have never heard of anyone getting kidney cancer. Must be very rare.

[Anonymous No.5998909]

>>5998907
But it fits his vegetarian agenda, so it's all good.

[Anonymous No.5998923]

>>5998897
lol

[Anonymous No.5999234]

>>5998870

But how can girls pee when they don't have a prostate

[Anonymous No.5999291]

>>5999234
tachyons.

[Anonymous No.5999543]

>>5999291

Guess that explains that cover

[Anonymous No.5999610]

>>5996903
>He's from the west and doesnt know.

[Anonymous No.5999677]

>>5999543
>based anon

i thought i was the only person in the world that ever played that game.

[Anonymous No.5999682]

>>5996701
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DeBfvPiFN0

[Anonymous No.5999734]

>>5996768
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0NciwY-leQ

[Anonymous No.5999750]

>>5999734
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-r7ahw9Z3o

[Anonymous No.6000184]

>>5999234
innertubes.

[Anonymous No.6000197]

>>5999734
>>5999750
this is why I hate it when people call canadians americans

[Anonymous No.6000215]

Why do white people eat this shit?

[Anonymous No.6000222]

>>6000215
The only people I can imagine not eating it are Asians.

[Anonymous No.6000225]

>>6000215
White families (talking extended families) won't readily take care of granchildren as most other races, so white parents are typically burdened to a level that other races are not. Thus, easy eating is good eating....to put it in just a few words.

[***STEAK PRO **** No.6000422]

>>6000197
I HATE IT WHEN THEY CALL CANADIANS PEOPLE

[Anonymous No.6000485]

I live in the Northeast of the United States and do enjoy biscuits, but I have never opened a can. I watched some youtube videos of such and I only had one question:

Is this real life?

It doesn't appear that biscuit can ruptures with any significant force or report. I cannot imagine any way opening such a can could inflict harm or injury.

I had that kind of feeling when I was firing a tennis ball cannon made from cans or a PVC potato cannon for the first time, and there is some kind of delayed ignition or no ignition, but goddamn I've shot loads of "man gravy" with greater force than these stupid cans rupturing and all these people open it like they are disarming a nuclear bomb.

mfw

[Anonymous No.6000489]

>>6000485

it's an ingrained reflex from when you're a small child

canned biscuits are something that children can easily bake, giving them a sense of achievement without much risk

but set them on the cylindrical jew too early in life, and they develop a "biscuit flinch"

[Anonymous No.6000491]

>>6000485
Even if you don't get easily frazzled they don't always break open easily.

[Anonymous No.6000515]

>>6000215
I don't.

[Anonymous No.6000521]

>>6000515
Because you only eat weeb chow.
>wryface.jpg

[Anonymous No.6000524]

>>6000515
Why are white Americans so defencive?

[Anonymous No.6000541]

>>6000489
>>6000491

Because childrens toys today suck. I had capguns, those little white "snappers" you throw on the ground, confetti shooters, other whizbang nonsense designed to make noise or surprise you, and shit like pic related. Lest we forget about the shocking pens/prank toys. You would think any infant with a jack in the box would never grow up to have these irrational fears.

[Anonymous No.6000545]

>>6000197

Because you would've said that it's a biological weapon and declared war on that tiny tin?

[Anonymous No.6000567]

>>6000541

I had the same toys. the key difference is that a cap gun snaps when you pull the trigger. snappers snap on impact. shocking prank toys shock you when you press the button.

the cylindrical jew, it pops at some random time. you keep peeling, but you never know when it's going to pop! that's why it's fun, but that's why some kids get the biscuit flinch.

[Anonymous No.6000615]

>>6000567
I accept the terminology of "cylindrical jew" as a technical term for these biscuit tubes but I disagree with the irrational fear and anxiety related to with opening them.

Opening the cylindrical jew cannot hurt you under any normal circumstances.
The opening is not very loud or violent and you should be prepared for the burst as you begin unwrapping it.
You can wear some gloves or eye protection to placate your fears of opening the cylindrical jew.

On the other hand, something like using rubber bands to open the Ovular Nigger; I can admit would make any sane person flinch even though its probably harmless. Vid related:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1VoK0Ga36w

[Anonymous No.6000633]

>>6000615

that looks like it would be a lot of fun while drinking

[Anonymous No.6000636]

It doesn't always pop open after unwrapping. Sometimes you need to slam it on the edge of a counter, wrestle with it in your hands, or try stabbing it along the seam.

[Anonymous No.6000657]

Or you could do as the instructions say and press the back side of a spoon against the seam near the end.

[Anonymous No.6000661]

>>6000636

It didn't open for me more often than not.

Not like it was hard to whack it against the counter.

[Anonymous No.6000664]

>>6000657
You'll find the instructions rarely help.

[Anonymous No.6000667]

>>6000664
Works for me which is why I remembered it off the top of my head.

[Anonymous No.6000675]

>> be me, opening tube of Grands Cinnabon rolls.
>>fuck, tube won't open, get spoon
>> press spoon to seam, tube explodes open.
>>CINNABON Mixture straight into the cornea. Blind in eye for days.

[Anonymous No.6000697]

>>5996903
That's because you Canadians cross the border to buy our milk to save some cash.

[Anonymous No.6000893]

>>5996697

[Anonymous No.6000947]

>>5996701

[Anonymous No.6001344]

>>6000222
Nope, my Asian family loves that shit. Gobble them up like hawks.

[Anonymous No.6001387]

>>6000567
>you keep peeling
I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with you people. I keep reading this thread and it's like watching people who try to open a can of soda from the bottom.
>LISTEN UP
>LISTEN UP
>LISTEN UP
Take the can of biscuits, position it, as if you're about to strike it's center against the edge of the counter, and the STRIKE THE CENTER OF THE CARBOARD CAN AGAINST THE EDGE OF THE MOTHERFUCKING COUNTER. There, it's open, you probably think it's fuckin' magic. Until this thread, I had no fucking idea there were people who didn't know how to do this.

[Anonymous No.6001404]

>>5997660
I throw up so hard from champagne. The hang over is the worst

[Anonymous No.6001412]

>>6001404

Yeah champagne for me is a kind of celebratory drink. It's too sweet to drink frequently unless you're a gigantic faggot

[Anonymous No.6001417]

>>5996693
I worked a year in a bakery and it's not difficult to make dough, you just need a good recipe and experience.

[Anonymous No.6001456]

Don't eat biscuits out of cans, they are miserably disgusting and goddamn biscuits are the easiest bread to make

[Anonymous No.6002001]

>>6000000
Get, lol

[Anonymous No.6002014]

>>6000541
>Posting the poppers with the hole in the top
Get some of the first gen ones that could suck out an eyeball, you pansy.

[Anonymous No.6002062]

>>6002014
I pressed one onto my brothers eye and he got a 5mm red spot on his eye-white.
Dad saw it and smacked me on the back of my head and said "what would you have done if the eye had come out?"
That was enough to scare me out of doing it ever again.

[Anonymous No.6002067]

>>5996670
>mfw my friend in my old apartment is filled with unopen biscuit cans because I couldn't get the package open

[Anonymous No.6002070]

>>6002062
That;s fucking terrifying

[Anonymous No.6002073]

>>6002062
Were you "auditioning" for Jackass?

[Anonymous No.6002115]

>>6002073
I was like 12 and my brother 7

[Anonymous No.6002120]

>>6002115
>>6002073
What I mean is, it was some time in the 90's, so it was before Jackass was a thing