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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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5312053 No.5312053[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

Does anybody else get the coffee shits?

Where your body clearly wants to get all that coffee of its system so it tries to force you to poop when there's no poop left to give?

Is there a way to avoid that? I love coffee, I hate the coffee poops.

>> No.5312059

Most stimulant drugs stimulate the colon as well. How hard it hits depends on the person and the drug. I get the same thing from coffee. I just make it a point to have mine early, so I can void my bowels before I have to leave the house.

>> No.5312081

>>5312059
Yep. Talk to a smoker, they'll tell you they often get cigarette shits after their first smoke of the day from the nicotine. Switch to decaf if it's that bad.

>> No.5312086

>>5312081
One of the many reasons I quit smoking.

It's funny/weird as hell the first few times, but after a while it becomes a huge pain in the ass (lel).

>> No.5312128

Oh man, I tried coffee for the first time in months to try to pull an all-nighter. Awful idea. I ended up spending hours with the most God awful cramps and wanting to shit, but nothing would come out.

>> No.5312160

>>5312053
I'm bummed to hear that you don't like the coffee shits. One of the best feelings is when after a long night of drinking you wake up and have a cup of coffee, then expel shit-demons into your toilet.

>> No.5312170

Coffee guy here. I don't get the shits, but it does magically fill my bladder with a gallon and a half of piss after sipping a single cup.

Smoking, however, did give give me the shits back when I used to smoke. (Switched from smokes to coffee. Its cheaper and quite a bit easier on your body)
Especially when i'd be hanging out with friends and just lighting up one after another. I'd get this queasy feeling in my stomach like i'd just ate something bad.

>> No.5312200

>>5312170
>magically fill my bladder

Caffeine is a diuretic. How can you not know this?

>> No.5312206

>>5312053

caffein relaxes your inner sphincter

>> No.5312222

I just had this for the first time and i've never seen it mentioned here before. Weird.

>> No.5312257

Eat more fiber so you've at least got some shit to unload?

Or do decaf or half-caf but that's no fun. Or figure out some foods that slow colon motility. Maybe opiates?

>> No.5312263

just drink the coffe with breakfast, no one is too poor for toast

>> No.5312274

I get horrible stomach aches, and the shits from coffee. I never used to, but one day I got a girly soy salted caramel latte and it wrecked my stomach.

>> No.5312279 [DELETED] 

>>5312200
Caffeine is not a diuretic.

>> No.5312294

>>5312160

Truth right here.

What remains in the bowels of your, well... bowels, after a supreme booze bender is slowly poisoning your body. The sooner you have that coffee and take your first hangover shit, the sooner you start to feel immensely better.

>> No.5312327

>>5312160
My coffee shits are just mushy, warm, and generally uncomfortable.

>> No.5312703

Coffee shits can also just be training. They have studied and found even plain hot water drank at the same time each morning can trigger the shits. Ass has a mind of its own, with its own feelings, rituals, and habit patterns. I take mine out partying a lot but never let it get laid.

The crampy shits that come later after drinking half a pot of rotgut coffee, that's a different situation.

>> No.5312743

I love the coffee shits OP

First thing I have in the morning is a glass of water and a mug of black coffee (sometimes with some shortbreads or digestives). Flushes both ends of my system right out. Makes me feel like my entire body was reset for the day.

>> No.5313124

>>5312053
All of the time and I'm a long time coffee drinker.

I usually don't mind, but these days as I seem to be shitting bricks (no matter how much fiber I get).

>> No.5313178

I drink 3-5 coffees per day, compose my diet of like 315% fibrous vegetation still barely shit. Huge cal deficits I think.

When I do shit it's always a pretty god tier consistency with supreme ease of departure though.

>> No.5313183

The only person I knew that got coffee shits did so because they were intolerant to the caffeine. They easily drank non-caffeinated.

>> No.5313185

>>5313183
Same here. Don't drink caffeine because it makes me turn beet red like an alcohol flush. Gives me the shits too. I just avoid it.

>> No.5313219

>>5313185
Are you asian?

>> No.5314260

>>5312053

lightweight.

>> No.5314265

>>5313178
You either don't drink enough water, or don't exercise enough, or simply eats too much constipating food to counter the fiber intake (typically meat and carbs)
Also beware coffee prevent the assimilation of some nutrients like iron, so at 5 cofee a day (usually after meal I presume) you might have some deficits indeed.

>> No.5314272

>>5312743
Same. I love to be able to control my daily shit so I can spend a day free of fearing to go to the bathroom, or having to keep it until I'm back home.
Morning shits is the shits of the kings.

>> No.5314288

>>5312053
>Coffee shits
What the fuck?

>> No.5314293

>>5314288
Yeah I don't know either. Some people have bitch tier digestive systems. It pisses me off

>hey dude wanna go to 'x' for dinner
>nah man last time I went there I had the shits all night!

It's literally spaghetti bolognese, how do you get the shits from that?

>> No.5314295

>>5314293
That's not even a digestive system issue, that's you going to a shit restaurant.

Wendy's burgers give me the shits every time, without fail. No other fast food joint, just Wendy's.

>> No.5314296

>>5314295
How is it not a shit digestive system? It's bread meat and cheese and you're getting the shits?

>> No.5314298

>>5314296
It's also processed to hell and back, who knows what else is in there.

If it were just bread, meat and cheese then it wouldn't give me the shits.

>> No.5314312

Longtime 2-3 pots a day coffee drinker. I never had this problem until I started drinking.

The caffeine probably doesn't help, but I'm pretty sure the main culprit for my horrible shits is the alcohol. It makes my pee smell strong too.

>> No.5314361

>>5312053
the only way to avoid it for me is to avoid coffee in the morning. if i've had my breakfast and drink coffee just after that, i get the poops. but if i wait an hour or two, it's fine.

i think it varies though, try to change stuff in your routine and see if anything happens. i don't think that i need to tell you that eating healthy is a good start to getting a better coffee colon.

>> No.5314381

>2014
>drinking coffee instead of mainlining speed

It's like you don't want to be up for 2 weeks straight.

>> No.5314387

the first time I had coffee I drank 3 cups worth and then my piss ended up smelling like coffee

>> No.5314389

There's no way to really avoid it OP. My only other questions to you are
what kind of coffee is it? is all of it doing it? (i.e. instant, freshly ground, bought)
is it black or has additives like sugar/cream/etc?

I get coffee poops when I drink coffee with milk. I am a sucker for flat whites so when I get them I have to poop later that night or the following day. I'm learning my lesson from yesterday as I had rocket shits tonight. Damn coffee!

>> No.5314396

>>5314272
you're better off shitting just before your shower

>> No.5314400

I start my day with a bottle of water and a cup of black coffee. Cleans me out and wakes me u surprisingly fast. My pee usually smells like coffee for a while after though...