/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.5260275]

ITT: drunk food stories
>about 3 months ago, get shitfaced w/ rookie
>wake up next morning on my kitchen table, hands covered in butter
>there is orange juice all over the floor, and the carton is sitting emptying the sink
>whathappened

[Anonymous No.5260285]

You cannot drink properly.

[Anonymous No.5260289]

>rookie
Wait, you guise is cops?

[Anonymous No.5260294]

>>5260289
whoops, *roomie

[Anonymous No.5260298]

>>5260294
Yeah, nice try pig, I'M ON TO YOU!

[Anonymous No.5260307]

>>5260298
f-fuck you pleb-tier macbook and your auto correct

[Anonymous No.5260316]

>>5260307
Right, "Macbook", just like "one of us", what next, you gonna try to steer the conversation toward where we buy our doobies?

[Anonymous No.5260319]

>>5260316
y-you're mistaken!

[Anonymous No.5260327]

I almost set my apartment on fire when I tried to boil water for something once while shitfaced. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up when my roommate started shouting that I had left a pot on too long. It was fused to the heating element, and I had to buy a new one.

I've also woken up with the leftovers of meals I don't remember ever eating. My favorite was when all the makings for chicken piccata were arrayed on the kitchen counter, there was flour and egg wash all over the place, squeezed lemons in the sink, dried noodles in a colander, an open half-empty jar of capers, and I never did find the plate or vessel that I ate out of.

[Anonymous No.5260331]

>>5260327
>It was fused to the heating element
>I never did find the plate or vessel that I ate out of.
my sides

[Anonymous No.5260341]

Last night I drank a heap of beer and 2 bottles of wine and woke up on the couch at 3am watching some infomercial about a professional nibbler and came up with a few ideas for renovations on my house.

[Anonymous No.5260367]

>>5260319
The only mistake I ever made was trusting this honeypot you call a thread.
>butter on your hands
Probably should have cheked his butt.

[Anonymous No.5260453]

>>5260275
You fucked paula deen mate.

[Anonymous No.5260474]

>start drinking and play video games
>stop and go downstairs for more soda to go w/ vodka
>brain blast
>rocky road cupcakes
>2 weeks later get friends together and make rocky road cupcakes

Best damn things I ever made. I felt like a fucking genius.

[Anonymous No.5260482]

>get drunk
>eat entire loaf of banana bread
>vomit it all up
>oh look banana bread batter.

I ended up baking it.

[Anonymous No.5260498]

>>5260482
oh god, what happened next?

[Anonymous No.5260518]

>>5260498
disgusting smells and ruined pans

[Anonymous No.5261343]

>Decide to stay at home for the weekend.
>whiskey + coke! yay
>halfway through the bottle my friend calls me
>"dude! that redhair chick that you dig will be with us!"
>slighty pissed OFF TO THE PUB!
>fun fun fun and slowly waving bye bye to
rationality
>after the pub everyone got the munchies so they decided to have a kebab/burger/pizza
>YOU DONT NEED THAT! ILL MAKE YOU A GOOD, SOLID MEAL IN MY PLACE! COME! COME ALL OF YOU!
>get home - finish the bottle of whiskey, go to sleep forgeting about the hungry group.

;_; They said that they had burgers on the way back from my place.

[Anonymous No.5261759]

Get blasted
Go to kitchen to cook food
Pass out make noise
Friend woke up angry
Burned the pot to death

[Anonymous No.5261769]

I got really high once and made some boiled rice. It was very bland but I still wolfed it down.

[Anonymous No.5261783]

>>5261343

Wow, you're a fucking dick.

[Anonymous No.5261784]

i once decided to deep fry some chicken in a pan when i was wasted. normally this isn't too hard, but trying it drunk? oh boy. i don't remember exactly what happened but i tried carrying the pan of burning oil outside to dump it (i guess???) and wound up spilling oil all over the floor and on my feet. i spent an hour crying in horrific pain and woke up the next day to the joy of figuring out how the fuck to get oil off of hardwood floor

[Anonymous No.5261793]

>>5261784
what happen to feet

[Anonymous No.5261808]

>>5261793
they were fine, i just got some second degree burns. oil burns hurt like fuck though good lord

[Anonymous No.5261812]

>>5261769
Did you died?

[Anonymous No.5261825]

>>5261812
Yes

[Anonymous No.5262090]

I remeber I tried to make a spicy mint sauce for some fries after 750 mls of vodka and 6 beer. I used ketchup, garlic powder, chilli flakes and Mint TOOTHPASTE. Oh god, it was disgustimg!

[Anonymous No.5262104]

>>5262090
>I remeber I tried to make a spicy mint sauce for some fries after 750 mls of vodka and 6 beer. I used ketchup, garlic powder, chilli flakes and Mint TOOTHPASTE. Oh god, it was disgustimg!

what the fuck

how are some of you still alive? i'd pass out before i got through an entire 750 bottle of vodka and i've been drinking on the heavy side for years

[Anonymous No.5262121]

>>5262104
"RIGA (Reuters) - A drunk Latvian had a blood-alcohol content more than 17 times the legal driving limit in the Baltic state when he was run over and killed, police said Tuesday.

The 50-year-old unnamed pedestrian, who also had more than twice the alcohol level considered lethal for most humans, was lying drunk on the road near his home in a remote part of eastern Latvia in the early hours.

Police said the man had probably been drinking home-made alcohol for several days because of the impossibility of reaching his blood-alcohol level of 0.9 percent in just a day.

They said the man was alive when he was run over by a car, creating a probable although unenviable record for alcohol consumption in hard-drinking Latvia.

"The cause of death has been marked down as a road accident, although the alcohol level would most likely have killed him anyway," said state police spokeswoman Kristine Mezaraupe.

Latvia, an ex-Soviet state which is still one of the poorest in the European Union, has a problem with heavy drinking, especially among men who have an average life expectancy of 66 years compared with 77 years for women."

[Anonymous No.5262134]

>>5262104
I dont know, I mean I started drinking at 17.
I started on 350mls of vodka and a couple beer. Over time I just seemed to need more. I remember when I was in Ibiza I drank 500mls mixed and then a further 500mls raw. My body used to be a lot more tolerable but now I limit myself to 400mls max and no beer. I guess people like me (working class, bored) have nothing better to do on a weekend than drink alcohol. Im irish if that helps haha

[Anonymous No.5262141]

>>5262134
you STARTED at 350ml of vodka? at 17? i mean, what? when i first started drinking i'd be drunk after drinking a couple beers

[Anonymous No.5262157]

>>5262104
>>5262134
That's pretty much how it works. At some point no matter how much you drink you always seem to need more. Also nothing's worse than ending up throwing up without ever feeling drunk. So I try to stretch a bottle out over the course of a night with copious amounts of beer, which I cannot get drunk on alone. It is extremely hard on the body, though, and I'm only 29 and already feel a decade older than I am. It isn't a good way to live.

[Anonymous No.5262162]

>>5262141
yep, that was before going to a club. Me and my friends would use thirty pound for a night out. 7.50 for half bottle of vodka (330cl) with mixer like 7up or so. 2.50 for taxis. then 20 for drinks. Could get 20 bottles of beer for 20 pound In club or 10 purple haze (aftershock red and blue wkd) . It was one pound and drink, now its 1.50 haha. I still do this degeneration on thursdays if theres a good crowd.

[Anonymous No.5262168]

>>5262157
Yes, I used to be super fit before all this socilaising. Its one or the other for me. But since I started working in a nightclub last year I see enough degeneracy in one night to last me a lifetime.

[Anonymous No.5262178]

>>5262162
jesus christ you have way more fun than i do. most of my drinking is drinking cheap vodka watching tv or using the internet. a high point in drinking these days probably getting to a bar with my friends and having a couple beers. nobody i know wants to get trashed and have fun like we used to in college. these days it's just like, maybe hanging over at their place and having a few beers while talking about work. fuck i miss getting out or having ridiculous parties

[Anonymous No.5262200]

>>5262178
>nobody i know wants to get trashed and have fun like we used to in college.
This is a good thing. In some cultures, especially slav cultures, heavy drinking is pretty much a means of keeping life expectancy down to economically manageable levels. And it doesn't even work very well at that.

[Anonymous No.5262205]

>>5262178
Yeah man its fun, it really is. I have college 4 days a week and work 4 nights a week so on a thursday I get my chance of getting completely REKT. Also, beside the club is a pizza place where I can get, 2 10 inch pizzas of my choice, 2 bags of chips (fries) and 2 dips for 10 pound. Its amazing. But im on paleo now so I rarely drink anymore. My thursday nights now consist of netflix and playstation. The only socialising my friemds and I do is drink and play football (soccer) or FIFA 14 Ultimate Team online.. Literally that is all we do for socialising.

[Anonymous No.5262269]

>be drunk
>make food, use my favourity eating bowl
>blackout during munchie time
>next week wonder where the fuck did I put my eating bowl
>lament the loss of it, move on with my life
>two weeks later I have special occasion, getting my suit from a cabinet I never use
>my food bowl is sitting there, with silverware neatly at 5 o'clock and napkin folded next to it
>what the fuck

[Anonymous No.5262351]

>>5262269
lost my shit

10/10 post would get drunk with

[Anonymous No.5262367]

>>5262269
a gift from blackout-drunk you
perhaps a warning even

[Anonymous No.5262369]

>>5260275

I know
i have tsoem stories, but ic just cant recall

[Anonymous No.5262376]

I wasn't old enough to drink at the time, but my sister and mom were hammered.
>they get hungry
>get slices of american cheese from the fridge
>they slap each other with the cheese
>the cheese gets thrown under the sink
>mom tries to get it out with her foot
>mfw she slips and puts a hole in the wall with her head

[Anonymous No.5262393]

Holy shit perfectly timed thread

> wake up this morning
> puke
> go to make coffee
> theres food? On my range
> check trash
> empty packets include instant mashed potatos, sloppy Joe mix, had to be at least 20 kraft singles, fruit salad, and vegetable stock
> remove lid from pot
>puke again

According to my wife I tried to make KFC famous bowls because they were closed.

Bitch let me waste good food

[Anonymous No.5262435]

>>5260275

>Have get together at my house
>Drink lots of vodka and rum mixes
>Wake up next morning
>Wearing pajamas
>The clothes I had last night are thrown in the corner and smell of urine
>There is a half eaten sandwich in the bathroom

I am 25 years old.

[Anonymous No.5262441]

>>5260474
>chibi Garrus
FUND IT

OT I always make popcorn or poach a whole carton of eggs when drunk

[Anonymous No.5262457]

>Drinking in Brewdog for a few hours
>Decide we need to go to a Chinese karaoke restaurant
>Head out to find one
>Eventually we do, also turns out to be an all-you-can-eat buffet
>Start drinking some weird Chinese vodka
>Nope
>Wake up
>Wontons in ALL of my pockets

[Anonymous No.5263147]

>>5262121
so I guess the car that hit him is the abominable snow man from ski free for drunkards.

[Anonymous No.5263162]

>be 20
>drunk as fuck
>go downstairs to get second bottle of vodka from freezer
>wake up hours later
>in a strange room. No fucking idea where i am
>completely naked in a strange bed. AND THERES A STRANGE MAN SITTING ON THE EDGE OF IT.
>HOLY FUCK
>starting to become coherent. Recognize man as aspie neckbeard neighbor.
>he tells me i just came in to his house and got into his bed and passed out and he didnt do anything to me but he wanted me to leave so he could sleep.
>hear my name being frantically called outside. Its my roommate.
>quickly get up and run outside, naked.
>can't even look at roommate whos asking if im okay and telling me id been missing for hours.
>dash into house.

Alcoholism, folks. I would have suspected the neighbor of abduction had i not done the exact same thing again in a different part of the state.

I'm in recovery now.

[Anonymous No.5265161]

>>5263162
LOLZ, you useless shitbag