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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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File: 296 KB, 1500x998, ina-garten.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5163782 No.5163782[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

>implying you wouldn't let the Barefoot Contessa take you away to her Hamptons resort to be her personal fuck toy
>implying she wouldn't berate and humiliate you for your subpar cooking skills and lack of familiarity with upper class New England culture
>implying you wouldn't enjoy it

>> No.5163783

>>5163782
also
>implying her husband isn't a fag or a cuckold

>> No.5163785

I can legitimately say I wouldn't have sex with her. She grosses me out for some reason. I just imagine she has a really stinky vagina and that's why her husband doesn't sleep with her.

>> No.5163798

The only food network woman I would lay with is Giada because shes the only attractive one

>> No.5163803

>>5163798
>mfw I was actually mad about south park's depiction of giada

>> No.5163814

>>5163798
yes yes yes

>> No.5163817

>lives in East Hampton
>not Southampton on or near Meadow Lane
She doesn't even make eight figures. That's really poor. It's disgusting.

>> No.5163818

hi im ina garten and i put lemons in everything

>> No.5163826
File: 40 KB, 687x515, 1391479973693.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5163826

>>5163798

Implying you wouldn't lay down with Guy Fieri with some food lube and a mac daddy patty, turning flavortown into sensualtown.

>> No.5163828

>>5163817
I bet she's acfually very very poor but her husband is some business or stock guy.

>> No.5163831

I get mad whenever she says to use a "good" ingredient. Like use a good olive oil or some shit.

>> No.5163849

>>5163828
that's pretty much it. jeffrey is some ex wall street big shot and is now some big time professor of economic something something at yale. she had a career at the white house but got tired of it and opened up her shop.

>> No.5163860

>>5163828
Her hubby is an econ professor at Yale, owns a trade consulting firm and worked as an economic and foreign policy advisor from Nixon through Carter. He also worked for as an advisor for Thailand IIRC.
Ina herself was a real estate whore IIRC, buying up a tonne of property in then-shitty DC then flipping them when the area began to gentrify. I think she also worked as a political analyst for several administrations. She worked with Ben Stein in the Reagan administration IIRC.
Neither of them are horribly poor, but just a little poor. Seven figure income. It's simply ghastly.

>> No.5163861

>>5163831
I bet she posts on /ck/ daily

>> No.5163863

>>5163849
>ex wall street big shot
I don't think he had anything to do with Wall Street. Not sure. I know with certainty that he currently owns a consulting firm.

>> No.5163877

>>5163785
I was immediately turned off to her cooking because she calls herself barefoot contessa, so the first image I have of her now is her gross face with her gross body and what I assume are extremely gross feet. I hate feet and ugly people feet are the worst. If she had just called it the contessa show or something I might have been able to give her a chance

>> No.5163921

I forgot the name of this one dish she made. It looked so good. She put crepe batter at the bottom of the pan, some sort of white dessert cheese filling in the middle, and more crepe batter on top, all in a square pan and baked it. Well, the dish is meant for normal crepes stuffed with the dessert cheese but she changed it to the pan to make it easier. It started with a 'P'. anyone know what I'm talking about? It looked so tasty but I don't know what the filling was made out of.

>> No.5163944
File: 246 KB, 630x420, pioneerwoman.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5163944

This woman, by far, makes the tastiest-looking recipes of all the women on Food Network. And her life seems so great, Big family out on the ranch, tight-knit community that cooks for each other.
I just want to live like a middle-aged white woman /ck/....with my women gatherings (no book clubs) and cocktails with sugar on the rim and baked goods... is that so much to ask? :'(

>> No.5163946

>>5163944
I fucking haaaate this bitch

Everything is just so fake

>> No.5163973

>>5163946
>I live a lonely bitter and hate-filled life JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE THAT ISN'T FAKING IT.

>> No.5163993
File: 1.04 MB, 291x292, temp.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5163993

>>5163944
The wife followed her a while when she just had a blog, she's pretty Christian and seems to really be into taking care of her family. She's too ugly for TV, but her food looks okay.

Giada is the only fuckable TV cook. I love those pearly whites, and her bubbly enthusiasm makes me think she's the type of girl who would try it in the ass just to make you happy.

>> No.5164000

>>5163946
gotta agree with this anon

>> No.5164002
File: 61 KB, 500x700, 1388636638547.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5164002

>>5163946


What? do you see how often on facebook she fucks stuff up and owns up to it? She's the least fake of the bunch. Look into her backstory before you go popping your ignorant mouth off on the internet child.

>> No.5164010

>>5164002
Ree pls go

>> No.5164022

>>5163946
>>5163993
>>5164000
>>5164010
Screw you guys Ree is awesome. She hasn't perfected her camera voice, but that hardly makes her fake.

>> No.5164029

>>5164022
hey i don't think she's fake, just unattractive

>> No.5164038
File: 441 KB, 2661x4000, nigella-lawson-10.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5164038

>>5163993
>Giada is the only fuckable TV cook

You meant to say Nigella, right?

>> No.5164042

>>5163944
Hahaha kill yourself, hillbilly

>> No.5164057

>>5164038

more nigella plz

>> No.5164066
File: 36 KB, 504x450, 1320503830866.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5164066

>>5164038
FUUUUUCK YESSSSSSS

>> No.5164068
File: 75 KB, 460x276, image.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5164068

>>5164038
You meant to say Rachel Khoo right?

>> No.5164092
File: 34 KB, 400x500, 2009-03-02-013_rachael_ray.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5164092

>>5164038
Rachel Ray is much hotter

>> No.5164098

>>5164068
trashy slut

>> No.5164101

>>5164092
>dat shooped belly

not fooling anyone

>> No.5164105

do you people genuinely judge internet/tv chefs on anything other than their cooking ability and recipes?

enjoy base camp

>> No.5164112

Gizzi Erskine is best waifu

>> No.5164120
File: 40 KB, 460x276, Rachel-Khoo-shot-in-her-P-008.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5164120

>>5164068
make sure you gently twist your head while pulling it out of you ass.

>> No.5164124

>>5164068
sorry..

>>>5164098
the ass

>> No.5164162

>>5163782
why are fat people allowed to be on tv

nobody wants to see that, unless they are hilariously fat or jolly like a santa clause. But those are only things for men. Fat women should never be on TV or leave their homes.

>> No.5164164
File: 76 KB, 620x413, 1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5164164

>not wanting superior finnish celebrity chef
>not watching as she cooks superior non-finnish cuisine because finnish food is fuckawful
If she's not your waifu, you're fucking gay.

>> No.5164184

>>5164164
>finnish food is fuckawful
Well maybe mammi and the sort but reindeer and potatoes are good, especially since the Finns have the best potatoes in the world.

>> No.5164191

>>5164184
>reindeer and potatoes
... meh.

>> No.5164262

>>5164184
does reindeer taste like whitetail at all?

it's not 'bad' if you cook it right it's just that i would never go out of my way to eat it if i didn't have redneck family give it to me for free

>> No.5164268

>>5164262
Very similar. Reindeer is farmed in Finland, so it's a little fattier than whitetail.

>> No.5164284

>>5164092
hahahaha
>dem low standards

>> No.5164292
File: 108 KB, 976x549, 1391488512496.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5164292

not enough Nigella

>> No.5164295

>>5164292

more

>> No.5164437

>>5164292
Dude who is this Goddess

>> No.5164457
File: 40 KB, 200x200, 1306992113788.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5164457

>>5163817
> tfw lived in Southampton for 5 years next to the reservation.
> chilled every day at coopers beach.

I miss living over there. I miss the nice locals. Now I'm stuck in Smithtown.

;_;

>> No.5164534
File: 43 KB, 635x500, nigella-lawson-charles-saatchi.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5164534

>>5164292
I hate to admit that this image arouses me, but it does.

>> No.5164537

you are all forgetting that mousy looking bitch who cooks using 5 ingredients

>> No.5166022

>>5164092
>dat pot belly
>dat no titties
>dat raspy bitch mouth

no thanks anon

>> No.5166077
File: 80 KB, 600x730, nigella-lawson-lead.jpg w=600.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5166077

>>5164437
>not knowing about based Nigella

She used to have a cooking show on Food Network late night/early morning. It was literally food porn: dressed sexy, low lighting, sultry-looking food, soft music.

Best faps of my life

>> No.5166103

>>5164164
nice fedora

>> No.5166110

>>5164437
a dirty skanky coke head

>> No.5166118

>>5163826
WOW THIS IS LIKE AN ORGASM IN MY PENIS

>> No.5166127
File: 150 KB, 797x515, 1387059119980.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5166127

>>5163782

I'd never once considered it, but you're absolutely right OP.

You complete motherfucker.

>> No.5166128

>>5163798
Her smile is repulsive

>> No.5166142
File: 74 KB, 468x715, LP.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5166142

>no Lorraine Pascale

racists

>> No.5166163

>>5166142
>implying we would be attracted to someone with aids

>> No.5166166

>>5166142
She looks like you could open a bottle between her front teeth, and scour a pan with her hair.

But then you'd have AIDS all over your bottle and pan.

>> No.5166188

>>5166142
>dat gap
would berry my dik in it

>> No.5166196

>>5166142
30 years ago she would have been in a National Geographic magazine with no shirt and a bone through her nose.

>> No.5166199

>>5166142
look i made da raspberries

>> No.5166202

>>5166196
did she live in an african tribe as a child?

>> No.5166291

>>5166142

She has a certain charm but I keep seeing Charlie Murphy in that smile.

>> No.5166294
File: 12 KB, 305x225, charliemurphy.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5166294

>>5166291

Maybe it's just me.

>> No.5166305

>>5166294
Well shit now I see it too.

>> No.5166315

>>5166305

Minus the gap, it's pretty fucking uncanny.

Sorry if I've ruined anyone's african cooking waifu.

>> No.5166322

I can't stand that flamboyant music that plays when it goes to commercial

>> No.5166326

>>5166315
eh, they all look alike to me.

>> No.5166333

>>5166315
It's more about the accent if I'm honest.

>tfw no well-spoken black english cook gf

>> No.5166339
File: 61 KB, 824x465, hisoka2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5166339

>>5166333

Stop giving me new fetishes you cosmic bastards.

>> No.5168604

>>5163798
how about that other one with the raspy voice (not rahcael ray, the other one)

>> No.5168606

>>5164038
she is jew

>> No.5168609

>implying we won't just pop pills and drink wine all day with her gay friends

>> No.5168611

>>5163782
I don't like her program and food at all.
I would prefer hang with Symon that looks a bro tier chef anytime.

>> No.5168613

Fuck you and your Hampton house
I'll fuck your Hampton spouse
Came on her Hampton blouse
And in her Hampton mouth

going to email this to Jeffrey

>> No.5168680
File: 64 KB, 630x419, image.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5168680

>> No.5168687
File: 55 KB, 550x413, barefoot-apple.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5168687

>> No.5168692

>>5166103
>mistaking a bowler or derby for a fedora
You don't know hats.

>> No.5168707

>>5168692
Different guy here. I know hats, and I think wearing any kind of "fancy" or "old" hat outside of a job or being over the age of 50 makes you look like a fucking retard.
Fedoras, bowlers, porkpie, whoopee hats, top hats, whatever.

>> No.5168710

>>5168707
>he doesn't wear old man caps

>> No.5168723
File: 2.92 MB, 128x96, 1390691833279.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5168723

>not wanting to impregnate Rachael Ray

Jesus christ...
Can you imagine what it would be like? I would cum soooo hard. "I told you not to cum inside me! UUUuuugh I said I'm not on the pill!" All in that annoying voice. Then I'd go to a CVS to get a morning after pill, as she wouldn't want to be caught in public buying it herself, and I would carefully replace the pill with something inert and let her take that.
Then you would have a /pregnant/ annoying Rachael Ray to have sex with as much as you want, she would have nightly cravings for her "midnight bacon", you could sleepily tell her to make you some as shes getting out of bed and heading for the kitchen. Oh yeeeeah.

>> No.5168729

>>5168723
I am surprisingly hard rn

>> No.5168734

>>5168723
>her screaming and moaning in her raspy voice
Jesus
Fuuuck her husband is lucky
ID play with her butt

>> No.5168741

>>5168707
I seldom notice what people wear. I've a hard enough time recognising faces and keeping track of the names that go with them without having also to pay attention to the everchanging nature of others' clothing as well.
As a result, I'm quite plain in dress. I wear black Tshirts, blue jeans with a brown hemp belt and black or brown trainers or boots with short black socks year round at leisure and white button downs with plain black ties, black suitjacket, black trousers with a black leather belt and black tip shoes with black gold-toes when forced into the office.
Even so, I recall her wearing a bowler or derby simply because of how common that photo is. How sad for you that you're so bitter as to have very strong opinions on people for what sort of hats they wear.

>> No.5168831
File: 177 KB, 311x297, 1376069298456.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5168831

>>5168723

>> No.5169420

I want to bang all the women on America's Test Kitchen. Especially Yvonne, mai bakerfu. Also Rick Bayless' daughter is pretty cute, she'll sometimes act as his sous-chef in a few of his shows.

>> No.5169430
File: 219 KB, 1920x1067, Giada-de-Laurentiis-bikini.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5169430

>>5163798
>Giada
Damn right

>> No.5169441

>>5166163
>>5166166
She doesn't have HIV.

>>5166315
>>5166202
She's West Indian black. Probably Jamaican or Bahamian.

>> No.5169442

>>5169430
She has a great body but meh face.

I don't understand how people go apeshit over Food Network "celebrities". There are women in my building that are much more attractive than Giada. Does being on TV really make them more attractive to you guys?

>> No.5169450

>>5163798
>lay with
what the fuck is this, the Bible?

>> No.5169452

>>5169442
She actually has really tiny arms that aren't proportional to her body too. Next time you watch her show look for them. Its kinda funny.

>> No.5169454

I had NIgella third after Rachel Khoo and Giada.

But after I found out she likes blow and weed, she is now all-time waifu.

>> No.5169457

>>5169442
>There are women in my building that are much more attractive than Giada

I'm sure there are. But, I haven't seen them so how can people discuss that online?

>>Does being on TV really make them more attractive to you guys?

Nope. But it means that other people know who/what we're talking about because they have seen the same programs, therefore we have common ground for a conversation. There's also the whole concept that this is a food board therefore it's reasonable to discuss Chefs and cooking-related TV personalities here. If we were talking about women in general that would be for another board.

>> No.5169459
File: 351 KB, 1323x907, nadia-g-kitchen-photo[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5169459

step aside plebians

>> No.5169460

>>5169457
>There's also the whole concept that this is a food board therefore it's reasonable to talk about which Food Network girl we'd bang if we could
Are you 12?

>> No.5169466

>>5169459

Love her, she ruined herself for me with her last batch of tattoos but early Ms. G was prime.

Did that show get canceled?

>> No.5169485

>>5169459
>plebians
Misspelling, "plebeian" is the most plebeian thing you can do.

>> No.5169540

>>5164457

At least you don't live in riverhead /:

>> No.5169547

>>5169485
Misusing commas is the 2nd most plebeian thing you can do.

You are both plebeians.

>> No.5169552

>>5169459

She can't even look at the fucking camera.

>> No.5169564

>>5163860
They're probably still really popular with the uber elite. All that ivy league, washington administration bull shit is the kind of thing those reptilian lizard people on the upper echelon of society love

so, anyway, yeah maybe they're not rich rich, but they're high class.

>> No.5169721

>>5169564
the word you are looking for is "comfortable"
besides-discussing wealth is so gauche. Better to focus on an individual's endeavors than their financial success. Focus on endeavors, and whether she shaves her minge or smothers you with her hairy piss mop of a cunt.
>latter please

>> No.5169763
File: 72 KB, 540x960, Nads.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5169763

>Rachel Ray
>Nigella
>Barefoot fucking Contessa

Some awful taste going on in here.

>> No.5169766

>you are now aware that Sandra Lee is dating the governor of NY

>> No.5169769

don't tell jeffrey

>> No.5169777
File: 10 KB, 275x183, download.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5169777

>>5169763

I agree

>> No.5169806
File: 90 KB, 379x600, 1391644528753.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5169806

>>5169777
We can fix this

>> No.5169814
File: 11 KB, 288x162, A-Chefs-Life-Feat1-288x162[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5169814

>posting anyone but this princess
>ever

>> No.5169819
File: 26 KB, 530x300, chef's%20life%20large[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5169819

>>5169814

>> No.5169835

Im just gonna leave this here...

>tfw she's a lesbian

>> No.5169840
File: 169 KB, 600x465, Candice_Kumai8.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5169840

>>5169835
Sue Storm got a cooking show?

>> No.5169844
File: 89 KB, 480x600, catcora.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5169844

>>5169835
damnit forgot pic

>> No.5169857

>>5169844
cat cora has been out for ever. I thought you were talking about >>5169819
she has a very masculine jaw, I would call her a handsome woman

>> No.5169863

>>5169844
>tfw I am okay with this

>> No.5169867

>>5169857
If you ahven't seen "A Chef's Life" on PBS, you should-you will fall in love.
>dat southern drawl
>dat food
>dat tiddays
waifu material

>> No.5169897

I would hit it. Hard.

>> No.5169898
File: 347 KB, 800x1009, pioneer-woman-interview.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5169898

>>5169867
no, I will have it downloaded though.

I don't get many good cooking shows very often. My husband got rid of our tv three years ago to make some sort of a point. He downloads the british version of the taste and ancient episodes of the french chef for me, but draws the line at rachael ray, nadia g, giada de laurentiis, or any of the other food channel ladies.(which is fine) He said Nadia G's made his dick twitch until she opened her mouth and spoke. Same thing happened to him with the pioneer woman lady. Apparently pic related feels differently.

>> No.5169903

>>5169898
I was the one who posted nadia G originally. It was a joke-that bitch is horrid. Vivian though...(>>5169819)...she is the real deal. Check out the show.

>> No.5169921

>>5163782
She's way to fucking fat.

>> No.5169923

>>5169898

>husband controlling what you watch

enjoy your abusive relationship

>> No.5169966

>>5166022
She has tits, they are just the grossest tits ever

>> No.5169993

>>5163782
No. Just no.
>bland new england food
>personality like the sole of my shoe
>annoying voice
>"Geoffrey"

>> No.5170180
File: 72 KB, 700x500, ATK-oats_t700.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5170180

fags

>> No.5170530
File: 99 KB, 588x441, Kelsey-Nixon_Vegetable-Recipes.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5170530

>can't afford upper tier cable/satellite packages
>don't know the pure lust she causes

>> No.5170761

>>5170530
She looks like a pure grudge fuck donkey punch.

>> No.5170778

>>5169844
she;s a llesbian though

>> No.5170781

>>5170530
oh fuck yes, I'd fuck her so hard, SO HARD

>> No.5170842
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5170842

>> No.5170845
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5170845

>>5170842