/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.4938622]

its time we give a big 'ol "fuck you" to food

fuck you cabbage for being delicious and making me fart the smell of death

fuck you mustard for pouring water on my sandwich when i forget to shake you first

fuck you hot pockets/pizza rolls/various other microwave treats for burning the motherfuck out of my mouth on the first bite and being ice cold in the center

fuck you everything delicious for being bad for me

fuck you chips for getting stale after one day

fuck you bread for being moldy when all i really want is a grilled cheese

fuck you milk for going bad when i still have half a box of cereal left

i can think of more but you guys go for it

[Anonymous No.4938655]

fuck you onions you make me cry

[Anonymous No.4938663]

Fuck you food for making me fat and ruining my life

[Anonymous No.4938668]

Fuck you peanut butter for sticking to the roof of my mouth.

[Anonymous No.4938677]

Fuck you ginger, I only need you every so often but I have to buy you by the pound.

[Anonymous No.4938680]

fuck you pizza for being fat and carb bombs

fuck you cheese steaks for being delicious logs of greasy meat, and for being hard to find a place that makes a decent one

fuck you hot dog buns for when you split in half, and the hot dog and all the shit I put on it falls out and makes a huge mess

fuck you garlic for making my breath stink and being impossible to get the smell off my hands

fuck you soda for being so tasty

fuck you bacon for either being messy to make in a pan, or taking forever to cook in the oven

fuck french bread for being so tasty, and making me feel like a fatass for ending up eating an entire loaf in less than a day

fuck you lettuce for going limp and soggy after like one day in the fridge

fuck you over easy eggs for being so easy for me to fuck up

fuck you bread dough for never rising right

[Anonymous No.4938681]

Fuck you slow cooker for being too easy to use, to the point that I neglect other methods of cooking. You're even worse than the microwave, because the food you cook actually tastes good

Fuck you pickles for being so ubiquitous at restaurants, and making every fry or chip you touch taste like ass

Fuck you poached eggs for being impossible to make

Fuck you garlic for being so tasty but making my breath smell like shit

Fuck you cast iron pan. You don't cook things nearly as evenly as everyone said you would

Fuck you omelette for always falling apart when I try to fold you.

Fuck you beer for being so fattening. There's a reason I drink as much whiskey as I do

Fuck you ginger. You always go moldy before I'm able to finish you

Fuck you smoked gouda. You're too tasty for your own good

[Anonymous No.4938688]

>>4938681
>Fuck you ginger. You always go moldy before I'm able to finish you
FUCKING THIS IT DRIVES ME FUCKING CRAZY. I ALWAYS BREAK OFF A SMALL CHUNK OF THE ROOT WHEN I BUY IT BECAUSE I KNOW THIS WILL HAPPEN, BUT I EITHER END UP RUNNING OUT WHEN I NEED IT, OR IT GOES BAD IN LIKE THREE DAYS.

FUCK

[Anonymous No.4938696]

>>4938681
>Fuck you omelette for always falling apart when I try to fold you.
It sounds like you're not using a large enough pan. You need the eggs spread out really thin.

Or, you could try making frittatas instead.

[Anonymous No.4938701]

>>4938698
It's not the same. It gets all mushy when it thaws.

[Anonymous No.4938698]

>>4938688
wrap in plastic wrap and stick in the freezer for later. stores forever in there

[Anonymous No.4938709]

>>4938680
>fuck you over easy eggs for being so easy for me to fuck up

That's just a matter of practice. I used to fuck up at least 1 in 3. Now I almost never do. Also, properly greasing your pan. That cannot be overstated.

[Anonymous No.4938715]

Fuck you potatoes, for not naturally falling apart into waffle chips.

Muh struggle is eternal.

[Anonymous No.4938729]

> not putting your chips in the freezer

Whatta pleb you are OP.

[Anonymous No.4939115]

fucking hot dogs that split open in the microwave

[Anonymous No.4939135]

Fuck you, french toast - I work out so whenever I want some I make like eight pieces and my family always gives me that look

Fuck you, Chef Boiardi (Boy-ar-dee)- I've outgrown the sugary bullshit of your pasta, and what I thought were tasty meals was just me soaking in more than my daily intake of sugar once or twice a week

Fuck you, Campbells - same as above, except with sodium

Fuck you, Coca-Cola - it's been a long battle, but after quitting you for the four dozenth time, I finally won, fuck off with your corn syrup bullshit that will never be a replacement for cane sugar

Fuck you, pizza - I should have known that all that cheese was just the dairy industry peddling leftover fat or whatever the fuck it is and putting it on pizza in place of actual cheese

Fuck you, General Mills, Post, and Kellogg's cereals - you know those vitamins you put in there mean jackshit and you market and set your boxes low enough for poor little kids who don't know any better so they'll get their bodies fucked up from all that sugar

[Anonymous No.4939168]

>>4939115
I-I actually like that...

[Anonymous No.4939173]

>>4938681
>Fuck you beer for being so fattening. There's a reason I drink as much whiskey as I do

I've got some bad news...

[Anonymous No.4939175]

>>4938072
this

[Anonymous No.4939179]

fuck you butter for having a lower burning temperature than lard

[Anonymous No.4939182]

>fuck you cabbage for being delicious and making me fart the smell of death
your problem for eating disgusting cabbage shit

>fuck you mustard for pouring water on my sandwich when i forget to shake you first
remember to shake first

>fuck you hot pockets/pizza rolls/various other microwave treats for burning the motherfuck out of my mouth on the first bite and being ice cold in the center
they can also be made in the oven, or you can wait

>fuck you everything delicious for being bad for me
eat less

>fuck you chips for getting stale after one day
learn how to close a bag properly

>fuck you bread for being moldy when all i really want is a grilled cheese
buy more bread

>fuck you milk for going bad when i still have half a box of cereal left
buy less cereal

[Anonymous No.4939184]

>>4938680
>fuck you garlic for making my breath stink and being impossible to get the smell off my hands
use tooth paste instead of soap

[Anonymous No.4939209]

>>4939182

[Anonymous No.4939227]

FUCK YOU EVERYTHING COATED IN SAUCE FOR RUINING EVERY ONE OF MY FUCKING SHIRTS FOR FUCKSAKES STOP THIS SHIT YOU SAUCY LITTLE FAGGOT.

[Anonymous No.4939234]

>>4939182
You're not a very happy person.

[Anonymous No.4939247]

FUCK YOU EVERYTHING DELICIOUS NOW I'M FAT

Except you, oatmeal. I will always love you with some Splenda and salt.

[Anonymous No.4939250]

Fuck you good bread, for going stale way before I have a chance to eat you.

Fuck you supermarket bread, for never going stale but tasting like ass.

Fuck you soda for tasting so delicious but rotting my teeth away.

Fuck you potatoes, you should be able to peel yourselves.

[Anonymous No.4939284]

fuck you peanuts for having so much potassium
fuck you cheese and dairy for making feel like I'm on death's door
fuck you onions for making me cry

[Anonymous No.4939291]

>fuck you cabbage for being delicious and making me fart the smell of death
Why does it not make me fart? I feel left out.
>fuck you mustard for pouring water on my sandwich when i forget to shake you first
Everyone hates mustard/ketchup precum.
>fuck you hot pockets/pizza rolls/various other microwave treats for burning the motherfuck out of my mouth on the first bite and being ice cold in the center
I've never eaten one, but I can imagine that being an awful experience.
>fuck you everything delicious for being bad for me
What things?
>fuck you chips for getting stale after one day
This has never happened to me (I assume you mean crisps?). Perhaps you improperly close the bag?
>fuck you bread for being moldy when all i really want is a grilled cheese
Honestly? I've never had bread, neither storebought, homemade or bakery-purchased ever go mouldy on me, ever. It just goes hard at which point I either grind it into crumbs to make semmelknödel or other other crumb-based uses or cut it into cubes to make bread dressing/pudding.
>fuck you milk for going bad when i still have half a box of cereal left
If it's just sour but not putrid and separated into two layers, you can strain it through muslin/cheesecloth or coffee filters to separate the curds from the whey. The curds are sweet and the whey is sour, oddly enough. The whey can be used to help clogged drains (weird, yeah?) or combined with rennet and cooked to make ricotta. The curds can be eaten as-is or whipped with sugar or jam and eaten like yoghurt. I like to stir in some müesli.
>i can think of more but you guys go for it
Fuck you overly sensitive smoke alarm for going off when there is literally no smoke at all.

[Anonymous No.4939294]

>>4939250
>stale bread
see >>4939291

[Anonymous No.4939297]

FUCK YOU CAKE, for every one putting you into cups and turning what used to be a once in a while, special occasion indulgence into my go to snack.

[Anonymous No.4939345]

>>4938622
fuck you ice cream tacos with the waffle cone shell!!! its only breakfast time!

[Anonymous No.4939361]

>>4938677
Where do you live that ginger is only available by the pound? In the CA bay area I can buy it in pieces as small as a single knob, so get what I need for $0.20. No idea what I'd do with a pound...

[Anonymous No.4939382]

>>4939361

He/she is probably just confused. Just because they sell it by the pound (which is normal) doesn't mean you have to buy a whole one.

Anyway, it keeps a long time and has many uses so I don't see what the problem is really.

[Anonymous No.4939393]

>>4939382
>keeps a long time
I find this is not the case. It turns fibrous after a short while. I prefer to buy my ginger brined and drain it it. It's been preserved and keeps indefinitely this way. Plus added bonus of never needing to peel it.
It's $1.89 per 200g (drained weight) jar which is about the same price as buying it from the white people store ($4/lb). Added bonus is that I keep the jars for storage.

[Anonymous No.4939401]

>>4939393

Yeah, brined keeps a long time, but it's lacking in flavor compared to fresh.

[Anonymous No.4939406]

>>4939401
Honestly? I barely notice a difference. I buy fresh when I'm making something that needs ginger juice. I also grow the fresh rhizomes for baby ginger, which I then pickle. For some reason, the brand of brined ginger I buy says "baby ginger," but it's totally not baby ginger.
Does anyone know why baby ginger turns pinkish orange when pickled but fresh ginger stays yellowish white?
I only recently figured out how to pickle garlic so that it doesn't turn greenish blue.

[Anonymous No.4939430]

>>4938622
fuck you everything delicious for being bad for me

You must eat a lot of fast food or packaged pre-made food and not know how to cook that well

[Anonymous No.4939603]

I declare this a hate thread created by the food privileged. I am reporting this thread because it demeans the food insecure people. Enjoy your IRS audits courtesy of the NSA

[Anonymous No.4939615]

you're not ai weiwei, gtfo

[Anonymous No.4939662]

>>4938622
>fuck you hot pockets/pizza rolls/various other microwave treats for burning the motherfuck out of my mouth on the first bite and being ice cold in the center

You need to learn the art of microwave cooking. Lower the power level and flip it halfway through. Why does everyone just seem to put everything in at max power for the full time and not mix shit halfway through? Why do people not let food items that get hot spots sit for a minute or two halfway through to let the heat from hotspots dissipate? This is why microwaves get a bad rap, your a bunch of lazy dumbasses. Most of my stuff gets cooked at 50-80% power.

[Anonymous No.4939691]

>>4938701
Plant it insandy soil.

[Anonymous No.4939715]

fuck you habanero for rendering me incapable of jerking off safely for like a day even if I wear gloves and shit while preparing you

and FUCK YOU pancakes for never flipping perfectly for me

[Anonymous No.4939718]

>>4938681
keep your ginger in the freezer, man.

[Anonymous No.4939732]

Fuck you, chili, for being so delicious and then giving me hive allergies.

[Anonymous No.4939748]

>>4939732
Chili as in a bowl of chili or chili as in the vegetable thingies?

[Anonymous No.4939752]

>>4939297
I don't know what you mean friend.
Cake in cups?

[Anonymous No.4939758]

FUCK YOU that one ingredient that you know you have available for a dish only to discover its gone bad by the time you need it

[Anonymous No.4939769]

>this thread

It's this way of fucking talking about food that makes me rage. Like the guy that does the recipes with the cunt stick figure.

[Anonymous No.4939771]

>>4939769
Just for you anon

[Anonymous No.4939787]

video related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_hboKNn_UI

[Anonymous No.4939795]

FUCK YOU HOLLANDAISE
FFFFFUUUUUCCKK YOOUUUUU
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN WANT
1 DEGREE TOO HOT AND YOU TURN INTO SCRAMBLED EGGS
1 DEGREE TOO COLD AND YOU TURN INTO A SOUP OF BUTTER WITH EGG YOLK
FUCK YOU, YOU THINK I'M WORKING IN A FUCKING LABORATORY HERE?
IT TAKES LIKE 30 MINUTES TO MAKE YOU PROPERLY, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT SHIT
I DON'T HAVE A GOD DAMN BAIN MARIE, WHAT IS THIS THE 19TH CENTURY?
I'LL JUST EAT BUTTER INSTEAD, ASSHOLE

[Anonymous No.4939805]

a huge FUCK YOU to mayo for being on every sandwich
fuck you sour cream for being in every bean dip

fuck you to all the people who only bring meat and bread to camping trips

fuck you to the fancy resturant pizzas where it is like 80% suaceless/cheeseless crust

a huge FUCK YOU to the taquerias that will only give you 1 cup of salsa and want to charge 50c or a dollar for a second, another fuck you to the ppl working there who only fill the cups halfway and another fuck you to the cheap ass taquerias who use watered down hotsuace as their salsa

fuck pulp in my drinks

[/k/avalry !q7cH1ATcOY No.4939806]

Not 100% food related, but >Start cooking some food for roommates
>they go into the kitchen
>sit their ass down.
>It's a cramp kitchen.
>The chair and table is infront of the fridge
>need to get shit out of the frige
>I get yelled at for "Needing to prepare better"
Fucking hell.

Atleast, by being the group's cook, and they just put money twords a food budget, which I spend on good shit for them.
Still pisses me off.

[Anonymous No.4939818]

>>4939769
I know how you feel. It's called a cringe.

I imagine everyone in this thread is wearing a backwards baseball cap and loves being a college student.

[Anonymous No.4939821]

>>4939182
Buying less cereal would only make you have an empty box and bad milk rather than half a box and bad milk.

[Anonymous No.4939850]

>>4939818
lol, that does look good though
post moar!

[Anonymous No.4939855]

>>4939850
No, his other comics are even more obnoxious.

[Anonymous No.4939864]

>>4939855
pls

[Anonymous No.4939873]

>>4939864
No. Not now not ever.

[Anonymous No.4940126]

>>4939818
>>4939769

Holy shit, get a sense of humor.

[Anonymous No.4940133]

>>4938622
>fuck you mustard for pouring water on my sandwich when i forget to shake you first

>he doesn't buy his mustard in a jar and mix it up first before spreading it with a knife

[Anonymous No.4940137]

Thank you based eggs, potatoes, and rice for keeping me alive when the going gets tough.

[Anonymous No.4940145]

>>4940133

>buy his mustard
>buy

what are you even doing here

[Anonymous No.4940148]

fuck you canned olives, you taste like there's a soft nickel in my mouth for a few seconds

[Anonymous No.4940156]

fuck you most foods that are full with carbs

[Anonymous No.4940186]

>>4940126
No.

[Anonymous No.4940274]

>>4938701
i never thaw it. i always shave it while its still frozen and have never had an issue

[Anonymous No.4940307]

>>4939769
I honestly thought I was the only person who hated this. I've never seen anyone else voice this opinion. Bless this post.

[Anonymous No.4940322]

>>4938622
fuck you seaweed for tasting so good but backing up my poops for 4 days and in the mean time my farts are pure nerve gas

fuck you ramen because when i eat you the noddles drip from like 5 inches away and splatter on my computer.

[Anonymous No.4940329]

>>4940322
>sitting 5 inches away from your screen like an animal
jesus

[Anonymous No.4940339]

Fuck you deep fried mushrooms for being so delicious yet filled with scolding hot lava juice and burning my hands and face that one time so I threw you across the room

[Anonymous No.4941914]

>>4940156
all my fav foods are like this, pizza, sandwiches, burritos, so i just increase the amount of veggies and try and cut down on carbs and meat mass when i can.

[Anonymous No.4941922]

Fuck you, Pizza Hut for your commercials for stuffed crust pizza. You might as well advertise heroin.

[Anonymous No.4941944]

FUCK YOU DRY-ASS, CRUSTY BROWNIE CRUST; WHY CAN'T YOU BE ALL CHEWY CENTER.

[Anonymous No.4941962]

Fuck you, all processed foods, for being so quick and easy that I forgo more healthy options.

FUCK YOU CANNED SOUP AND YOUR SODIUM.

[Anonymous No.4941963]

>>4941922
fuck you pizza hut for avertising any large pizza for ten dollars but every pizza hut i call doesnt honor it, what the fuck

[Anonymous No.4941966]

fuck you oven you never get hot enough and then i end up overbaking everything

fuck you dishes for not cleaning yourselves

fuck you chicken, for being so fucking disgusting to handle and yet being the most versatile of all meats

fuck you pickles, for always being thin or shredded at restaurants, yet 3 inches thick in the jar

[Anonymous No.4942024]

Fuck you bacon for popping hot delicious oil on me when I flip you in the pan

Fuck you Brussel sprouts because you're the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted

Fuck you tomato because I only need a couple slices to add to a sandwich and then I'm stuck with you sitting there uneaten

Fuck you mayonnaise jar because for some reason there's always gooey stuff on the squeeze cap before I use you and it almost puts me off

Fuck you instant ramen for having so much sodium in your "flavor packets"

And lastly, fuck you Oreo cookie for falling into my milk when I dip you

[Anonymous No.4942050]

>>4941963
doesn't include stuffed crust fyi. they ought to honor it, though. it's in the coupon section on the menu under $10 AWYWI. it's just ask for it only now so we're not supposed to mention it.

[Anonymous No.4942137]

>>4942050
>it's just ask for it only now so we're not supposed to mention it.
its constantly being advertised on my tv

1st one i called sayed they dont honor it in all of san jose
2nd one i called said they only do $10pizza up to 3 toppings
and then i see all these coupons online for a large pizza for 7 bucks, or buy one get one free coupons, and 50% off coupons, but i dont even bother with them cuase they seem fake as hell

[Anonymous No.4942165]

Fuck you tic-tacs for being delicious but giving me the taste of rotten death in my mouth if I ever eat more than two

[Anonymous No.4942166]

Fuck you strange vegetables, as an American I never have any ideas on what to do with you.

[Anonymous No.4942175]

>>4942137
huh. where i work we honor all of the coupons and discounts we get. maybe it's because the minimum wage is higher in san jose

[Anonymous No.4943035]

Bamp

[Anonymous No.4943084]

FUCK YOU hot wings for leaving my hands saucy and delicious yet i hate to lick or suck my fingers
FUCK YOU napkins! pulling your lil disappearing act on me when i need you!

[Anonymous No.4943096]

Fuck you Mountain Dew!
I miss my foot.

[Anonymous No.4943105]

fuck you lactose for being so prevalent in my favorite food items

fuck you lefthand milk stout, milkshakes, lattes, and other delicious food items for making my farts turn into a knockout gas

[Anonymous No.4943106]

Fuck you hot wings, you're expensive for such tiny little bird meat

Fuck you Aldi cashier judging me for stealing empty boxes off the shelves because fuck buying bags.

Fuck you holiday season, making me buy so much food and things for other people when I don't have enough food, money and things for myself.

Fuck you soda, you nasty, son. Waiters need to stop getting shocked that I order water.

Fuck you okra. I still won't eat it no matter how much is in all my mom's cooking when I visit.

Fuck you roommate for putting my cast iron bacon press in the dishwasher

Fuck you Ambien for making food confusing but also delicious

Fuck you white cheddar cheezits for being delicious.

Fuck you booze for leaving me with no money.

[Anonymous No.4943114]

fuck you bacon and everything you stand for

[Anonymous No.4943347]

>>4943106
>Fuck you roommate for putting my cast iron bacon press in the dishwasher
Somebody would've got murdered.

[Anonymous No.4943359]

fuck you grease in all my favorite foods for making my fingers greasy, which I can't stand

fuck you sticky sauces, for making my fingers sticky, which I can't stand

fuck you milk, for being so delicious that I have to drink 3 gallons a week

fuck you red wine, for oxidizing before I can ever finish the bottle

fuck you mcdonalds- your fries suck and all your food makes me piss out of my anus

fuck you burger king, with your plumping whopper patties

fuck you strawberries, because fuck you

fuck you cabbage, for being disgusting unless you're pickled

fuck you horseradish, for trying to be wasabi

fuck you doughnuts, for being anything other than krispy kreme

fuck your boar's head you're expensive

fuck you ketchup, because fuck you

[Anonymous No.4943681]

BUMP

[Anonymous No.4943695]

fuck you human for having meat with personality and giving me the shacks

[Anonymous No.4943700]

>>4943681
>bumping on /ck/
get out

[Anonymous No.4943758]

>>4938681
Chinese guy told me to peel ginger then put it in sherry in the fridge so that i have preserved ginger and flavored sherry for my stir fries. It works out great.

[Anonymous No.4943775]

>>4942024
>Fuck you mayonnaise jar because for some reason there's always gooey stuff on the squeeze cap before I use you and it almost puts me off

I fucking hate this!

[Anonymous No.4943777]

>>4939247
>artificial sweetener
fucking disgusting

[Anonymous No.4943800]

FUCK YOU PLASTIC TESCO PEPPERPOT FOR LETTING YOUR LID COME OFF WHEN I SHOOK YOU OVER MY FOOD AND EMPTYING THE ENTIRE POT OF WHITE PEPPER ON MY FRIED RICE WHEN I ONLY WANTED A SPRINKLE

FUCK YOU MUG OF COFFEE FOR LEAVING COFFEE RINGS EVERYWHERE EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T EVEN SPILL ANY

FUCK YOU EVERYTHING THAT HAS WELDED ITSELF PERMANENTLY TO MY COOKER, ONE DAY I WILL DEFEAT YOU, I HAVE THE BICARBONATE OF SODA

[Anonymous No.4943848]

>>4938681
>Fuck you garlic for being so tasty but making my breath smell like shit

just take out the stems.

[Anonymous No.4943875]

Fuck you milk for always giving me durrhea

[Anonymous No.4943894]

>>4938622

Fuck you pierogies for being delicious.

[Anonymous No.4943952]

>>4943800
I can relate to your sentiments.

But please... fix your caps lock.

[Anonymous No.4943989]

Fuck you popcorn for getting in my gums.

[Anonymous No.4944402]

FUCK YOU INTERNET RECIPE SITES, YOU NEVER HAVE THE PROPER SHIT I NEED OR WHAT THE ACTUAL RECIPE CALLS FOR AND I END UP MAKING A MESS AND MOST OF THE TIME IT'S JUST PEOPLE MAKING SHIT UP JUST TO FUCK WITH OTHERS

FUCK YOU DONUTS FOR BEING SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS TO MAKE AND SO EASY TO EAT

FUCK YOU RECIPE WEBSITE "REVIEWS", YOU MISLEADING PIECES OF SHIT

FUCK YOU SCRAMBLED EGGS, I CAN MAKE EVERYTHING ELSE BUT YOU. I COULD CONJURE UP A QUICHE WITH LEFTOVERS AND HALF A FART BUT I CANNOT FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK MAKE PROPER SCRAMBLED EGGS

FUCK YOU FROSTED FLAKES FOR BEING TOO EASY TO EAT AND MAKE ME SKIP PROPER MEALS I CAN'T KEEP EATING YOU ALL DAY YOU FUCK

10/10 tears in my eyes

[Anonymous No.4944414]

>implying anyone in this thread has read any other posts except his own

This is shit.