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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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4601905 No.4601905[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

>tfw food poisoning

What's the worst case of food poisoning that /ck/ has had?

>> No.4601907

>>4601905
>dying of food poisoning
>still has the strength to jerk off
Such a brave young man

>> No.4601912

I got three months of a gastric flu from reading the OP

>> No.4601936
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4601936

Ate a couple of fried scallops from an unsavory-looking but very cheap chinese takeout. 3 days of feeling like a chestburster had accidentally got into my guts and was trying to chew its way out.

I don't eat chinese any more.

>> No.4601946

>8 years old
>at Disneyworld with parents
>eat at pirate themed seafood joint
>get flounder
>full of bones
>almost choked to death
>next day get food poisoning too
>walking the streets of Disney & barf everywhere

>> No.4601948

I think I have some sort of iron stomach cause I eat so much shit and never get anything other than a mild case of the runs.

I did however have a case of food poisoning when I was a kid, I think I was about 6 or 7. I believe it was from a tomato of all things. Basically it was coming out of both ends, barely made it to the hospital before having to go to the toilet one more time. Spent 3 days with IV pumped into my veins. Scary part is that I was thrown into a ward of the hospital with a bunch of diseased people :/

>> No.4601950

Seafood at some shitty hole in the mini mall chinese place when I was a kid. Made me upchuck my guts all over my artwork. Quit being an artist after that.

>> No.4601953

I've never had food poisoning, including on trips to rural Thailand and Laos.

One time I claimed to have food poisoning from a Pho place, but it was really because I had consumed around 400 mL of tequila and gone for a run.

I usually try to stay humble, but goddamn my intestines are fucking iron.

>> No.4601955

One time I made fried pork wontons and they weren't pink in the middle, but two of the three of us that ate them threw up hat night.

Thankfully I've never had food poisoning so bad that I threw up more than once.

>> No.4601965

>>4601948
Same here. I can eat some really undercooked stuff like bloody chicken and only get a mild stomach ache that goes away once I take a shit.

>> No.4601968

>>4601905
I don't recall what it is I ate, but I went from perfectly fine to throwing up and shitting explosively every hour or so. Excused myself from the office, stumbled to a cab (along the way I may have thrown up some blood) and got the cabbie to take me to a doctor near my house.

Got back, took meds, stayed hydrated, and continued a half-hourly out-both-ends schedule for the next 24 hours. Recovered quite quickly once the intestinal rollercoaster stopped.

Unfortunately, as I didn't go to doctor approved by my employer's insurance provider (as there weren't any within several miles of either my place of work or residence, and different priorities are in play when you feel like you might die and you think you just threw up blood) they didn't cover a goddamn cent.

>> No.4601974

bad steak I got from safeway, tasted pretty good man. However after a few hours I had liquid coming out both ends and felt like my stomach was being torn apart. I was sick for about a week, and my mother decided I didnt need to go to the doctor, so I stayed home that week fighting to keep water down and not shit my pants. Feels bad man

>> No.4601984

dont know what I ate, but i was in a library when I started to have stomach pains. ignored it for ten minutes. got steadily worse.
stood up, almost passed out. waddled downstairs to where the bathroom was, but it was broken.
had to go up two floors to the childrens room and use the kids bathroom. hurt so bad I could barely request they unlock it. I was also leaving a puddle of my own sweat behind me everywhere.
after twenty minutes of by far the worst pain I've ever experienced, I cleaned up the sweaty ass toilet the best I could, washed up, and stepped out to find two police officers waiting for me.
they thought I was tweaking out on drugs and called the cops.
spaghetti EVERYWHERE

>> No.4601985

>>4601974

do Americans ever go to the doctor for anything less serious than a severed limb?

>> No.4601994

>>4601985
Not sure if serious. There are tons of people who head straight to the ER for anything at all. My office can't keep the same insurance provider for more than a year because our shitty employees do this. They're also usually scumbags who get out of paying the bill (aka my boss)

>> No.4602009

Harvey's outside of a convention this spring. Can't blame them for undercooking since there was like 300 of us waiting for burgers and they were understaffed. Just gave me some really bad diarrhea.

>> No.4602010

Welp, I steamed some cauliflower yesterday, it tasted a little funky and I ate it even though it'd probably gone bad. Didn't get sick persay, but holy shit I've been having cataclysmic farts all day long.

>> No.4602011

Did an internship in a kindergarten once and got free meals from a caterer because no pay otherwise ... one day the kids didn't want their potato salad because they said it smelled bad. I didn't notice anything, told them not to be such little sissies and ate two helpings ... puked my guts out an hour later.

Out of the mouth of babes ...

>> No.4602012

>>4601985
My wife is a doctor, so let me explain.
People with salaries can go to the doctor whenever because they have insurance
People with hourly jobs often don't have insurance and never see a doctor until they are practically dead.
People without jobs at all show up as medicaid and clog our hospitals and emergency rooms with sneezes and watery eyes.

>> No.4602014

>>4601905
Ate a random mushroom I found. 1 hour later i was shitting my pants literally. 2 hours later i was puking up stomach acid for around 30-40 minutes.

My friend wanted to take me to the hospital, but fuck that I didn't want to get my stomach pumped. I've never gotten food poisoning since then, and ive eaten some raw/knarly stuff. I think it gave me a super stomach.

>> No.4602021

>>4602014
>knarly
its gnarly.
props on your magic stomach though

>> No.4602025

>>4601905
I got 2 pints of raspberries for $5, washed them and ate them all because they were so tasty.

Liquid out both ends for like three days, survived sipping broth and water. I cannot stand the smell or taste of raspberries now. The smell makes me nauseous, and I've tried eating them again to get over the mental hump. NOPE.

>> No.4602037

not really "food poisoning"...but I'm pretty sure it's what caused me to get sick

when i was like 7...i attempted to make fruit salad

mostly cut up bananas with a handful of grapes and apple/peach pieces

made me throw up a lot....can't eat bananas anymore,shit sucked

>> No.4602042

I got food poisoning from McDonalds years ago, twice from the same place.
It was back when they didn't make your burger fresh and they used to sit in that lukewarm tray until you ordered your burger and they'd just grab it. This particular McDonalds isn't very busy and was the only one I know of at them time that stayed open 24hrs a day.

I was sick for about 2 months, struggled to eat anything more then one or two mouthfuls of food from a meal, felt horrible, got really underweight, shaking all the time. Was fucked.

>> No.4602048
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4602048

I'm actually not sure if this was food poisoning or not, but I suspect it did have something to do with what I ended up eating.

>Be me 2 months ago
>With sister and her friends
>We're gonna meet with sister's boyfriend at a hooka place
>Eat some takoyaki from a bubble teahouse
>Never ate it before, so assume it's supposed to have a shit texture
>1 hour later
>Go to hookah place
>Start feeling bloated
>Sister's boyfriend arrives
>Small talk because my stomach's starting to hurt
>[[cramping intensifies]]
>Literally the worst pain of my life
>Try to numb the pain with hookah
>Fail
>Ask sister for carkeys
>Apologize profusely
>Leave to down in the car for 30+ minutes
>Sister takes me home because I'm almost crying because of the pain
>She goes back to the hookah place
>Try to go to bed while one of the waves is easing out a little

>Next Day

>"Yeah, anon, he said you were being rude."
>"What the fuck, why?"
>"He said you should have just toughed it out or something. He said you were being a downer."
>mfw

>> No.4602050

ate raw oysters at a shitty chinese buffet. one f the worst mistakes i've ever made. three days of intense pain along with explosive shits and projectile vomiting. i couldn't keep anything down and i eventually got so dehydrated i had to go to the hospital where I had an IV put in me. i can still eat oysters but going into a chinese buffet makes me gag now.

>> No.4602053

I once got the hives after eating at a Subway. My whole body, got covered in these red bumps. I went to a doctor 2 days after and she gave me some allergy pills or something and this went away really quickly. I ate at the Subway at a different time and didn't get sick. The sand-nigger working there probably didn't wash his hands that day.

>> No.4602099

I have told this story before and I will tell it again

I was going snowboarding up in vermont in the middle of fucking nowhere and stupidly I ate checkers the night before.
On the ride up my belly was hurting a little bit but it was nothing bad but several hours later after arriving at the cabin I was not feeling good at all. I woke up with severe abdominal pains and ran to the bathroom in the middle of the night and I knew I had a long night ahead of me, every couple of minutes I would gather myself and take a breath but as soon as I moved the flood gates would open again.
I was in so much pain from the cramps and I just couldnt move without violently shitting myself and there was no relief in sight. In the pitch black of the bathroom I managed to roll off the toilet completely naked and find my way into the empty bath tub, the cool cast iron brought some slight relief and I remember thinking as I laid there in the dark "I'm going to die here".
I laid there for hours just shitting all over myself and stewing in it, eventually it got to the point where there was pure clean fresh looking water coming out of my ass and nothing even remotely solid to be found, just clear neutral water, gallons of it.
I spent the entire weekend hold up in that bathroom waiting for the sweet embrace of death and then finally after 3 days my stomach had settled enough that I could get in the car and go home. I didnt really eat a real meal for several days after and was still just slowly nursing myself back with corn flakes and soup.

>> No.4602133

>>4601936
that sucks man, real chinese cooking is the supreme cuisine

i ate a pork bun that had been sitting in a bane marie for too long

i puked like ten times then sharted the next morning. my girlfriend helped clean up both the puke and shit because she is good to me.

some of these stories are terrifying.

>> No.4602161

>mongolia
>Shitting colourless liquid
>6 days of agony

>> No.4602164

>>4602048
that's called nicotine rush you moron.
hookah/shisha is a whole tobacco leaf cure with spices and fruit flavourings to mellow the taste.

but essentially you're smoking a full strength barely filtered tobacco bong.

cramping pain was due to the diuretic and appetite suppressing properties of tobacco smoke.

also eat more fibre.

>> No.4602166

is it weird that I've never had food poisoning?

>> No.4602170
File: 55 KB, 630x772, 1346042417733.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4602170

>mfw a majority of these stories are avoidable cases and/or not even food poisoning.

seriously, eating a huge amount of any fruit is going to fuck up your digestive tract if you arent used to the huge amount of liquids and fibre in your diet.

>> No.4602173

I've eaten street food from SE Asia, Mexico, and Ukraine and still have never gotten food poisoning. Either I'm just lucky or y'all motherfuckers are pussies.

>> No.4602181

>eat Chipotle
>worst abdominal pain of my life
>liquid out both ends for a week

I don't go there anymore.

>> No.4602201

>Lunch time, about drop some fish in a pan.
>Smells like ammonia
>"I'm not eating this"

It's the worse I had.

>> No.4602211

>in pakistan
>get a soft-serve ice cream (so stupid of me!)
>alternate between puking my guts out and diarrhea
>every 30 minutes, all night

>> No.4602216

> start feeling dizzy at school
> vision starts looking like one of those 3D films without the glasses on
> woah this is weird
> somehow make it to the toilets
> throw up
> sit on the toilet for 5 minutes
> feel great afterwards

I've never been on holiday to a 3rd world country so I don't actually have any terrible stories.

>> No.4602232

>>4602211
>in pakistan
that was your first mistake

>> No.4602240

My last experience with food poisoning came in the form of some.. I can't even recall what it was that I ate, but some six hours afterwards I spent the next 24h alternating between vomiting and shitting, sometimes both at the same time. When I wasn't doing either I slept like a fucking log.

It was pretty awful.

>> No.4602245

The worst food poisoning I've ever had has been from Taco Bell. Twice. From different Taco Bells in two difderent cities. Both times I was turned into a human fountain.
Never again, you bastards.

>> No.4602249

>>4601905
By far was eating off chicken.
I went to a mom and pop Japanese ramen place and I ordered chicken ramen which had bits of chicken.

After that meal I was none stop shitting out whatever was in my body for a week every hour. None. Stop

Ita fucking horrible. I was shitting out blood water at one stage.

I called the store and all they did was offer me another free blood poop meal.

>> No.4602252

I died.

>> No.4602269

>>4602012
>start having diarrhea
>it turns bloody
>ignore the problem as it goes on for a month
>family speaks up about going to a doctor
>have barely anymore left from former job
>see doctor in town
>gives me pills and feel better
>go back and tells me I need to see internal specialist
>specialist tells me I have colitis
The kicker is that the specialist thinks it was stress induced colitis.I was living at home, jobless.That somehow made my digestive tract try devour itself.

>> No.4602282

>Be like 8
>Go to tavern/grill with family
>Order burger
>Take two bites
>know enough about food to figure out that it shouldn't look like raw beef in the middle
>tell dad
>He calls waiter, waiter WUTs hard, burger goes back to kitchen
>don't bother getting replacement, appetite gone
>Get home, shit for like 3 hours straight

Rivaled the time I ate an entire pack of Kraft singles in sheer amount of ass pain.

That's pretty much it though. Haven't gotten it since.

>> No.4602291

Ate at Panda Express one time, got sick for 4 days (extreme vomiting, diarrhea, the whole nine yards.)
Had to go home the first day, called in sick the three days afterward.

>> No.4602293
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4602293

>2pm
>eat pic related from day before without reheating
>eat 4 eggs for dat dere protein
>11:00 pm stomach feels like a hot air baloon
>rip the most vile fart ever
>puke for the next 9hours straight in 15min cycles
>diarrhea every 60mins
>so dehydrated my spit has the consistency of milk foam
>getting cramps in my hands and arms
>took me 45minute to get to the doctor, which normally takes me 10
>can't eat for 3 days
>took me over a week to recover
>entire chest hurts for a week

>> No.4602295

i was shitting all night every half hour and had to miss out on some free tickets to a berlesque show i won on the radio

wasnt too big a loss since tickets was onlyfive bucks

>> No.4602296

and then another time i ate a lb of baby carrots and thought i was gonna die

>> No.4602327

I'm not sure where it was from but I was shitting and vomitting pure clear liquid once all of the actual stuff instead of me was gone. Could barely drink water. I actually thought I was going to die.

>> No.4602328

I'm pretty particular about what i eat so the worst I've had was some stomach pains and the runs.

I don't travel out of the country though.

>> No.4602373

>>4602164
Nice to know. I'd tried to look up some things to see what'd caused it, but didn't find anything. I've never heard of this until now.

>> No.4602374

>>4602211
Yeah, soft-serve machines tend to harbor a shit-ton of microbes for whatever reason. Generally they're safer when they're used often.

>> No.4602422

I think my case that was the worst was me just feeling uneasy for a few hours, going to bed, than in the middle of the night getting up to run to the kitchen and nearly projectile vomiting some creepy pink fluid with chunks of what I ate the last day into the sink ferociously enough that at times I had problems with catching breath. After few minutes, I've done basic cleaning and weak, trembling but feeling a whole lot better went back to bed.

I don't recall having prolonged, stereotypical food poisoning that keeps you in toilet for 8 hours for the session of gut wrecking pain with a side of you vomiting and diarrhea-shitting nearly non-stop.

>> No.4602579

Gastro from garlic prawns at a pub/inn when I was 13. Garlic prawns used to be my favourite food, but I haven't eaten them since.

>> No.4602600

I rarely ever get sick but this happened about a year and a half ago, a little after I started working at my current job

>buy my usual sub and chips from the local Subway
>haven't actually been to this one in a long time but it's close to work
>next morning immediately shit liquid after waking up
>eat breakfast, it happens again after
>have to confine myself in the bathroom for a third time all in one morning
>spend the next couple days laying on the couch and only drinking water or eating saltines

Also after I was feeling better I couldn't poop for three days because of all the saltines I consumed. To this day I get a minor stomachache whenever I have to buy something from a Subway.

>> No.4602609

I have vague memories of when I was about 4, and we ate some canned tuna for dinner which turned out to be off. The whole family took turns shitting water, good times. I like to imagine at one point 1 was on the toilet while the other 3 were shitting in the tub.
Also a few years ago I had poisoning out of nowhere (still no clue what caused it) and I lost 3 kilos in 2 days due to constant vomiting/shitting. Was partucularly bad because I border on Auschwitz-mode anyway.

>> No.4602613

I've never had food poisoning that I know of.

>> No.4602617

>>4602613
If you ever have it you won't forget it

>> No.4602625

>be on plane back from holiday in Turkey
>stomache grumbles and I feel nausea
>run to the toilet
>proceed to take a diarrhea shit and vomit in the sink at the same time

thank god no one could hear me thanks to the noise of the airplane

>> No.4602637

>>4602600
why do you ever HAVE to buy something from a subway?

>> No.4602660

>>4602637
Usually whenever I go to the beach with my older sibling we'll buy a footlong sub that we split between ourselves.

>> No.4602661

>>4602600
>sub and chips from the local Subway
>chips
>Subway

Do you mean potato chips in like a packet?

>> No.4602700
File: 416 KB, 300x200, funniestgif.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4602700

>went to Haiti on missions
>mission successful, going away dinner
>haitian jerk chicken, fried plantains, beans and rice, and "salad"
>already eaten this once before on the trip at a local restaurant, so I didn't think twice about it
>ate my plate and half of another buddy's who lost his appetite
>about 30 min after consumption pure liquid shit
>proceed to pure liquid shit every 30-45 for the next, not even exaggerating
>had to give myself a suppository to keep from dieing
>too bad it was so hot in Haiti it was already partially melted before use
>that was the worst moment of my life

>mfw they used cholera water to wash the greens

>mfw when we were touring the compound, we saw a turkey they were growing for a holiday wallowing in the ashes from a medical waste furnace (Where they burned amputated limbs after the earthquake)

>> No.4602713

> Be six.
> Eat rice at elementary school cafeteria
> Hour later projectile vomit in the bathroom
> Continue for ten mintues of nothing but viscous bile
> Teacher finally comes and looks at me
> "Derpina are you -
> ghostface.jpg

> At hospital
> Mouth extremely dry, stomach shriveled
> Need water so, so bad
> Drink countless pictures of water
> Everytime I get one glass down I vomit
> Water hits ceiling like from a super soaker

> Goes on for a day straight
> Stil can't eat for a week in hospital, living off of sugar water pumped into my veins.
> Lose almost ten pounds in under a week

My family tried to blame the school food, which everyone knew it was, but it fell through because of some crap, can't remember. Cafeteria ladies treat me like crap until I leave for middle school.

>> No.4602727

>St. Patrick's day, Boston
>college student
>out with my girlfriend
>eat qdoba burrito at mall food court
>get halfway done before my stomach starts feeling gassy/overfull
>stop eating, get on the subway to go back to my apartment
>dizzy on crowded train, vision gets blurry 1 stop from our stop
>train door opens at my stop, shove my way out and puke on the platform one step off the train
>black guy 'OH SHIIIIT'
>everybody thought I was a drunk irresponsible college kid puking at 5pm on st. paddy's
>exploding from both ends for 24hours, barely get any sleep

Fuck qdoba.

>> No.4602749

i tried cooking jambalaya in a crockput with the rice in it and it swelled up until there was no more room left for the shrimp. so i didn't cook the shrimp quite right and i was just pooping water for 2 weeks.

then looking on the internet for home cures, i bought some bottles of apple cider vinegar and now whenever i have poisoning, i'll chug like half a shotglass of the stuff. it's the nastiest shit you can ever drink and burns all the way down but i rather stop shitting water than be concerned about my delicate palette.

>> No.4602765

>>4602749
Try Lime juice instead, straight, no sugar, and you can thin it out with a tiny bit of water if it's too sour for you

>> No.4602793

>>4602765

if it works as well as apple cider vinegar, i'll gladly upgrade. i'm also told another good remedy is coke syrup over ice cubes and you just crunch the cubes in your mouth or so a southern lady tells me

>> No.4602807

>>4602793
Worked for me better than some nausea medications, it's a pretty famous remedy for general stomach problems over here, pretty effective as well.

>> No.4602811

>>4602749
>half a shotglass
>apple cider vinegar
>it's the nastiest shit you can ever drink
A tablespoon of it is that bad? You exaggerate, surely. People who like sour things drink that for fun and it tastes good.

>> No.4602812

>>4602661
Yeah, they always have little bags of Lays and Sunchips

>> No.4602813

>>4602749
>>4602765
>>4602793
>>4602807
can you spell p-l-a-c-e-b-o?

>> No.4602810

c-diff

motherfuckers need to wash their goddamn hands!

>> No.4602825

>>4601905
I've been spared so far which is amazing.
I tend to take a lot of risks with food, often eating raw meat and disregarding the date on the packaging if it still looks and smells right.
Maybe I built up a strong immune system.

>> No.4602828

>>4602713
>Derpina

Please don't.

>> No.4602829

>>4602825
>if it still looks and smells right
Expirng date is only orientative
This is where you really can tell if shit's bad or not
Also if it's raw, but clean you should have no problems (don't eat like that erryday though)

>> No.4602836

>>4602813
You realize the main source of medicine was nature, right?

>> No.4602839

Something from McDonalds like 10 years ago. Thanks Obama!

Now here is a horror story:
My room mate and his girl store left overs in the microwave for a day or two then reheat and eat. Somehow they are still alive and never get sick.

>> No.4602844

>>4602713
>Derpina are you -

Fi, fi, fo, fum..
I smell the blood of 9fag scum..

>> No.4602847

I was at my parents house for dinner, and we ate meatloaf for dinner. It was kinda greasy, but was really good. About an hour later i felt a rumbly in my tummy, and tried to fart but loaded my pants... no stomach ache, and that one load was all that happened...

>> No.4602851
File: 2.55 MB, 640x360, Bleh.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4602851

>>4602839
Oh gawd.

>> No.4602858

>>4602828
>>4602844

Oh, get off your high horse.
I've never even been on 9fag.

>> No.4602888

what do you mean you're not supposed to store your leafy greens in your chicken discard bucket?

>> No.4602899

>>4602851
You microwave is probably the most sterile place in your whole house after its been used. Provided you don't open it it'll stay that way

>> No.4602918

>last year
>field study in a village near a beach
>last night, having grilled seafood
>already starving, ate some fish and a shitload of squid
>the squid's inside is still kinda slimy, idgaf because hungry
>4am, wake up because of stomach pain and farts
>go to bathroom, liquid shit for half an hour
>that day there's almost no water in the village
>i used 50% of available water to flush my shit

this happened in the countryside of a 3rd world country

>> No.4602923

>>4602899
But, it sounds like they toss food in and reheat it later, not cook it in the microwave and leave it in for days, so if what you're saying were true it doesn't matter.

>> No.4602924

>>4602899
How can you actually believe this. Microwaves don't kill everything. Ants frequently survive runs in microwaves. Not every area of the inside gets radiated. I've had a puddle of meat juice from a barbecue under the plate in my microwave and I guarantee that was not sterile. I've since cleaned it, but still.

>> No.4602950

Never had food poisoning.

Only ever had health problems related to food after overeating.

>> No.4602977

>>4602211
DO NOT
I REPEAT
DO NOT EAT ANY STREET ICE CREAM THAT'S NOT IN SOME FORM OF COMMERCIAL PACKAGING IN SHITTY COUNTRIES!

I made that mistake twice in my life, and I'm not about to make it my 3rd time. Every time I've pooped water out my wazoo. Every time.

>> No.4603001

>>4602170
That's absolutely right.
>>4602295
it's burlesque you troglodyte.
>>4602836
Thanks, jerk. Doesn't make the placebo effect any less profound, does it?

It seems that a good portion of the people posting got a brief bit of tummy upset. Poor kids. It's uncomfortable, a couple of vomits and twelve hours of diarrhea, absolutely, but it's not a bout of poisoning.
I've had real food poisoning twice in my life. Once when I was barely twenty and got campylobacter. I think it was from a bong, rather than food, but I don't know that for a fact.
I shat out the world. Everything that it seems that I ever ate, ever consumed, shot out my ass at a blinding force. Coupled with blinding cramps and vomiting bouts, I thought I would be okay after a day or two.
Three days later, when I began passing blood, I decided to see doctor.
Batch of anti-biotics, a full seven days of misery, and after I've never been the same. My gut has been permanently changed after that experience. My bowel movements are different, my stomach reacts to different things. I've been forced to eat mostly vegetarian, I can't have large meals, and bread throws me off.
The other time was when I literally got botulism. Ended up in the local paper and everything. It was from a can of beans, it was slightly pressurized inside the can, but tasted and looked fine. The experience was just awful. It felt like a dream, the whole time. I couldn't move my limbs like I wanted, it felt like I was going to suffocate...
The doctors put me on benzo's to stop my anxiety that I was going to die, so I don't really remember the whole ordeal, but it wasn't as bad as the campylobacter.

>> No.4603014

I live in Brazil. Upper class area, but I always ventured into the not so good places of this country. I've always had the following:

>absurd amounts of acerola, pitanga and guava, straight from the tree
>leafy greens and milk when visiting rural areas
>sketchy food from downtown restaurants
>lunch from a chinese place that later closed due to raising free range crabs in the kitchen
>snacks from street vendors
>street bbq meat of unknown precedence

And I shit you not, the only serious food poisoning I ever got was from a goddamned Outback Steakhouse. I had the usual, Bloomin' Onions, ribs, etc. On the walk home, I started sweating and a couple hours later, I felt like I was knocking on the doors of Hell myself.

Even had mild hallucinations as I shat on the toilet and hurled on the bidet simultaneously, it was one of my lowest moments.

>> No.4603025
File: 31 KB, 453x604, 2774_71950136614_5562168_n.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4603025

>>4603014
I feel you.
Nothing like things exiting your body from both ends. You get extra points if you can get your shit in one receptacle, and your vomit in another without spills.

>> No.4603030

>>4601985
Why does everyone in a country that is not the U.S. run to the doctor every time they get a papercut?

Mild food poisoning or the stomach flu hardly needs a doctor visit unless it has been non-stop for almost a day and there's obvious signs of dehydration.

>> No.4603032

>>4602010
This is not food poisoning. Cauiflower can just cause gas.

>> No.4603035
File: 67 KB, 312x312, 1349372268581.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4603035

>staying with gf
>her parents bing home chinese food
>I'm asleep so they save me some
>they leave it out for 2 hours
>get up and eat it not knowing that
>soon have the urge to vomit
>puke up everything I ate that day
>think everything is fine and leave for work
>drink a Rockstar on the way
>get to work and need to puke again
>now puking every 10 minutes
>completely empty my stomach of anything solid
>now puking water
>boss sends me home
>still puking every five minutes, had to pull over at a gas station
>start puking bile
>some blood
>have to get a ride home, too disoriented to drive
>get home and puke every 20 minutes for the next 18 hours
>diet for the next few day consists of graham crackers and Gatoraid
>mfw all of this shit

>> No.4603037

>>4602014

>Ate a random mushroom I found

You know those can kill you deader than dead if you eat the wrong one, right? People go out into the woods with a mushroom identification book thinking they're a foraging master, eat a poisonous lookalike and are already seriously poisoned before any symptoms show up 48 hours later. Don't be a dumbass eating random shrooms.

>> No.4603040

>>4603025
So many times have I spent hours sitting on the toilet, and twisting my spine around so I can throw up into the sink at the same time.

>> No.4603041

>>4602713
It wasn't the cafeteria food
food poisoning onset isn't nearly that quick, atleast 4 hours.

>> No.4603045

>>4603030
>hardly needs a doctor visit unless it has been non-stop for almost a day
Wow.
So, you can't get dehydratated in a few hours of constant shitting and puking
Guess i'll have to call myself back in time and tell me to man up, it's not that bad that i can hardly walk to the cab and nearly pass out on the 10 min ride to the infirmary

>> No.4603047

>>4603030
probably because the US has a retarded healthcare system. I've seen dozens of threads on 4chan from people asking for "home cures" for disgusting diseases and it's always because of "muh health insurance".

I do agree that a lot of people are fucking pussies though. They behave as if you have to go to the doctor whenever you get a cold or a bruise is a normal thing. Annoying as hell.

Now that I think about it, I'm 20 years old and I've literally never been to the doctor for any reason other than vaccinations. Huh.

>> No.4603050

>>4603030
I'm from NZ, and I can probably speak for many Australians, we never see the doc.
A sign of weakness you see. You only go if you are forced, or are in serious personal belief that you are dying.

>> No.4603051

>>4603045
> hurrrrr how do I drink water?

>> No.4603057

>>4602977
>DO NOT EAT ANY STREET ICE CREAM THAT'S NOT IN SOME FORM OF COMMERCIAL PACKAGING IN SHITTY COUNTRIES!
still, if they are in a package and are really cheap they are bad too, i know of someone that almost died because some cheap packaged ice cream

>> No.4603052

>>4603051
Not that easy if you throw up everything you intake. It's a serious problem if you have food poisoning.

>> No.4603059

>>4603051
Couldn't reach any water giving apparatuss
You know
I was shitting myself dead

>> No.4603063

>>4603059
ok, next time move into a house which has a sink in the bathroom.

>> No.4603065

>>4603063
It did.
Read my post

>> No.4603074

>>4602014
That's not bacterial food poisoning as is being discussed in the thread.
You ate a poisonous mushroom.
You're lucky you didn't die horribly from liver or renal failure.

>> No.4603079

>>4603065
ok, now learn how to turn taps on, and then finally how to drink from a tap.

>> No.4603081

>>4603047
>>4603050

Brazilfag again. Speaking from what I've seen here, it's a miracle we're still alive in this country.
Most brazillians only go to the hospital if they're either bleeding to death or feeling so much pain they can't function properly. Emergency rooms over here always look like warzones because of this, it's just people in serious danger.
Which is pretty good, if you ask me. I hate people who act like they never had a flu and go to the hospital "just to be sure".

In the private healthcare area, unlike the public one, everyone goes to the hospital for nothing. The expensive hospitals here look like fucking hotels, so no wonder they think it's nice to spend a day there whenever feeling slightly sick. A month ago I had the beginning symptoms of appendicitis and was almost on the floor of the waiting room in pain while a bunch of woman chit-chattered about how they were feeling faint today.

>> No.4603366

>ate bad lychee
>furious liquid explosions from every hole every ten minutes for a day
It's hard choosing which side to point to the toilet when you know both will go off at once

>> No.4603395

>>4602282

MMMMMmmmmmmmmm......... Sixty four slices of american cheese.........

>> No.4603405

>high school
>getting over the flu
>still can't taste for shit
>get a school chicken sandwich
>get hardcore food poisoning
>have to go to hospital because dehydration
>fifty other people in the school get food poisoning the exact same time frame
>school blames it on everything but them

>> No.4603406

Three days of pain, hallucinations and explosive egestion. It was like I was shitting vulcanized rubber at one point, the smell only increased my vomiting. I'm certainly glad my bathroom is laid out so that I can swivel over and puke in the sink while I blitz the bowl.

It was the hallucinations that were the fun part though. I started seeing scrolling text and numbers and began to believe that I was a malfunctioning robot, in between trying to control a Tetris-like game with the notion that it would somehow expel the evil from within me if I won.

>> No.4603419 [DELETED] 
File: 549 KB, 202x153, shit.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4603419

>MAW bad college food

>> No.4603427

>drinking all weekend
>swim in a lake
>finish the night with a kebab
>two weeks straight of orange, liquid shits you could squirt through the eye of a needle

Don't know which one that did it. The worst part about it is I'm in Germany, and they have what's known as an 'inspection shelf' in your toilet.

Nothing like filling the shelf with an inch of orange slime every two hours to make you appreciate life.

>> No.4603444
File: 27 KB, 455x334, 1316643307166.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4603444

>>4603427
>Mfw i googled inspection shelf.

>> No.4603465

the worst food related things that have happened to me were from a a square half cm of chicken and a bad ham sandwich. Both gave me an infection in my intestines. Fever borderlining on death and blood coming out of my ass every 10 minutes combined with enough pain to have me incapacitated.
My grandma, the well of wisdom, told me NOT to tell the hospital that I had a fever combined with severe abdominal pain.
>They will just say that you have to go to the hospital immediately

My grandmother does not have alzheimers. Anyways, one of the times I just got some antibiotic and it got better after a few hours. The second time they refused, I had to stay in the hospital for a week like this. worst of all was the rectal exam.

>A doctor I haven't met yet enters the room in silence.
>I nod, fully understanding what is about to happen.
>we say nothing.
>I can see in his eyes that he knows, that I know.
>I know that He knows, That I knows, that he knows.
>He continues in silence, slowly putting the latex glove on his hand.
>He gently lubes his finger
>He gestures for me to lay on the side
>I roll to the side, in silence.
>I give the wall a hard stare as I feel this man enter my sore anus.
>he probes around in my violated innards.
>he pulls out
>"I can't find anything wrong"
>Before I can say anything he is gone.

Captcha: Contains entieks

>> No.4603466

I had one time that rivaled this, but here's this one:
>be at babysitter's house
>I liked being there but she rarely makes me real food
>Usually depending on how long i was staying there it was poptarts or some sort of sufary cereal for breakfast, then macaroni and cheese or something microwavable for lunch (though she did make pigs in a blanket occasionally which were godly)
>one day be having lunch there like usual
>hot pocket
>her microwave is too high up for me to reach at the time so I think she did it
>be eating hot pocket
>wasn't really microwaved enough, middle of it was kinda cold but I didn't care
>later her daughter and I go to see a movie
>we sneak in some dollar candy from the store right next to the movie theatre
>watch movie and eat cheap-ass candy
>go back to their house
>somewhere around here my stomach starts to feel funny
>mom picks me up after getting out of work
>stomach is in intense pain for hours at home
>she leaves to go get me some medicine or soup or something
>Throws up like 6 times
>splatters everywhere on house floors as I try to run to the bathroom
>Food comes up of course, but ho the fuck was I holding this much stomach fluids

I think mother was almost actually happy that I did at the time though... she was in the process of divorcing from my ex-stepfather (I forget what happened, but he wasn't home at the time or maybe was legally kicked out for a while?). She had to take pictures of the vomit before cleaning it up though for legal evidence incase he said something about the stains, which he did (he thought she spilled oil on his floors).

>> No.4603467

>>4601984
>>4602048
>>4602099
>>4602232
>>4602282
>>4602293
>>4602918
>>4603014
made me l o l

>>4602727
>>4603405
>>4603035
>>4602700
these make me never want to eat food again

>> No.4603478
File: 296 KB, 201x228, 1364687898827.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4603478

>>4603427
>inspection shelf.

>> No.4603479

Jesus Christ what is wrong with you people? Do you eat off the floor or something? I've had slight food poisoning perhaps once or twice but never this severely.

>> No.4603556
File: 14 KB, 232x198, bill2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4603556

>>4603427
>The worst part about it is I'm in Germany, and they have what's known as an 'inspection shelf' in your toilet.

Every stereotype about Germans is true.

Every.
Single.
One.

>> No.4603586

>>4603427
>visit ex's hometown in rural Bavaria
>first encounter with the inspection shelf
>oh god did this monstrous thing emerge from my ass
>there is a small plastic scoop and brush thing next to the toilet, presumably for cleaning up stubborn turds
>thank god the water is strong enough to flush my business away cleanly

>> No.4603600

>>4603035
> food going bad after two hours
do you gf's parents live in a heated abattoir or something?

>> No.4603604

>>4602700

god damn haiti is such a shithole. Seriously needs to be wiped out and started all over again

>> No.4603610

>>4602700
I can only imagine what the conversation was.

>"I'm fucking dieing, man."
>"Here take this."
>"What is it?"
>"It's a shove-it-up your own ass pill."

>> No.4603615

>>4603001

Marijuana, not even once.

>> No.4603620
File: 18 KB, 289x323, chad.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4603620

>>4603610

THANKS DOC WARDEN

>> No.4603622

my whole family got a norovirus fo ra few days. it's the only time ive ever heard my dad puke.

>> No.4603623

>>4603620
This guy.

>> No.4603624

I threw up bile once it was pretty bad but all it took was some medicine through an IV and I was out of the hospital in less than 6 hours.

I don't even think it was anything wrong with the food, I just went nuts with the crushed garlic sauce they give you at those Mediterranean chicken places, I've never used garlic sauce like that again.

>> No.4603645

>>4603624
fucking hell what a pussy you are
> I threw up bile once
holy shit, I've thrown up bile nearly every time I've had a stomach bug. It's fucking normal when you vomit.

> I went to the hospital and got an IV because I'm a gigantic, turbocharged nitrous gayboy
people like you need to be shot dead.

>> No.4603648

>>4601905
Once I ate an entire jar of sauerkraut in one day and a few days later my ass turned into a liquid shit cannon.

Obviously not food poisoning, but funny.

>> No.4603657

Actually food poisoning takes 12 hours to set in.

Anything else isn't poisoning so much as it is upset stomach or some sort of digestion complication. If you feel bad 3 hours after eating something then its just upset stomach/intestines, like having an allergic reaction to trying to digest something your body isn't able to handle well.

True food poisoning is long lasting and doesn't hit you within a few hours, much less a few minutes. Most of these posts aren't food poisoning, just digestive mal-adjustment.

>> No.4603682

>>4603645

calm down nancy

>> No.4603695

>>4603682
shot. dead.

>> No.4603698
File: 388 KB, 628x428, 1665472935.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4603698

>>4603645
>doesn't realize that food poisoning of that magnitude causes dehydration and an inability to rehydrate through regular means

I wasn't aware being suicidal makes you manly. You live and you learn.

>> No.4603702

>>4603695

sure thing sweetheart

is your daddy gonna let you borrow his gun and car?

>> No.4603704

>>4603698
> food poisoning
> throwing up to the point you produce bile

only one of these is worth mentioning to your doctor.

>> No.4603711

>>4603698
>>4603704
I was unable to keep down fluid at all, when I wasn't throwing up bile I was throwing up any water I had just tried to hydrate myself with

>> No.4603712

>>4603702
You're fucking dead.

>> No.4603718
File: 223 KB, 1280x960, 1362247129496.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4603718

This thing probably gave /ck/ food poisoning if anything did.

>> No.4603754

>>4603040
get a bucket, seriously. Putting a bucket in your lap and leaning on it with crossed arms is the most comfortable you can get while you wait for the next wave of puking/shitting

>> No.4603777

>>4603712

ok babes

>> No.4603962

>>4603718
Are those fucking mini marshmallows.

>> No.4604030

>>4603718
Marijuana: not even once

>> No.4604044

(can't green text on phone)
>Last summer I went to visit a friend from uni in Malaysia (Penang).
>All guides - "don't have ice! Don't drink the water!"
>go to street vendor near temple
>see rats in the open drain nearby
>"anon you have to try Ais Kacang"
>it's a pile of shaved ice with jellies and syrup all over it
>meh fuck it, it was delicious
>was totally fine, ate a ton of food from other shady places as well like pork bone soup in a shack on the seafront

Iron stomach fuck yeah

>> No.4604045

>>4604044
Ok maybe I can green text then...

>> No.4604062

I couldn't eat my giant shrimp egg roll at dinner, and my mom would eat Chinese later after it's been sitting on the counter, so I didn't think anything of it. Well, I took it to school the next day after it staying on the counter all night, sat in my hot locker all day, and I ate the entire thing for lunch.

>tfw constantly puking for two weeks

>> No.4604097

>>4603035
Chinese food being left out for two hours wouldn't have made you sick, unless it was already contaminated. Two hours isn't long enough.

>> No.4604117
File: 7 KB, 225x224, keanu.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4604117

When I graduated college, I moved home for a little bit to save up some money. Usually on the weekends all of my friends and I would go to BW3 to get drunk and eat wings (best bar in the area, which isn't really saying much).

>Drinking and bs'ing
>Decide I'm hungry, for some reason got a chicken sandwich instead of wings. Two other people order the same sandwich.
>Get a ride home, pass out because I have to work at noon the next day
>Wake up at 8, feel like I have to shit
>Sit down, dis gun be gud
>Without warning, projectile vomit everywhere
>Turbocharged ass piss starts ejecting out of my anus
>Whenever I think I'm done with one end, the other starts firing, this goes on for like 20 minutes
>Crawl back to bed, the vomit/shit process goes on throughout the day, if I even drink water it comes back up
>call boss tell him I'm dying and won't be in ever because my soul is now gone from this pain

Parents were pretty pissy about it at first, they thought I had just been really hungover. The two guys that ordered the same sandwich both got just as sick. Haven't eaten anything from a BW3 since.

>> No.4604126

>>4604097
stfu chinaman

>> No.4604163
File: 499 KB, 400x300, 1367507582559.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4604163

>>4603718
>mfw people actually remember that shit I did

>> No.4604604
File: 229 KB, 460x360, f3fb5ae138ed436a020c65570168072b.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4604604

>>4604117
>call boss tell him I'm dying and won't be in ever because my soul is now gone from this pain

>> No.4604616

>salmonella
>pooping every 5 minutes
>blood in poop
>shit my underwear during school
>mucus like poop very smelly
>3 poop samples for doctor
>

>> No.4604623

Shellfish toxins off a piece of scallop sushi.
I ain't ever wanna feel pain like that again. It's non stop pain for three days. You don't puke. You don't shit. You don't ANYTHING. The lower GI is paralyzed and the most awful thing is you can feel that like your guts are dead.

I'm surprised nobody has found a way to torture motherfuckers with it.

>> No.4604658

>>4602899
What are bacterial toxins

>> No.4604718

>>4602858
Go back to reddit, then, derpina.

>> No.4604722

>>4602713
>get sick
>try to sue the school
Why didn't anyone else get sick? Fuck off, you litigious retard.

>> No.4604758

>>4602713
>Derpina

gb2/reddit

>> No.4604767

why don't you people who recognize all the reddit memes to the point where you get worked up over it just return to reddit?
we don't care about your drama here, it's getting really tiresome.

>> No.4604768

>>4604722
>find bandaid in pepperoni roll at school lunch
>no one else had a bandaid in their pepperoni roll

Shit happens.

>> No.4604771

>>4604623
The problem with shellfish toxins is that it doesn't matter if you cook the shellfish or not, if it's in there and you eat it you're gonna get sick. If you get sick from shellfish toxins you need to let the restaurant know so that they know to use a different supplier. If they blow you off then you should tell everyone you know that they use bad seafood, shit like that isn't a joke.

>> No.4604777

>>4602899
Shiga toxins from E.Coli don't give a fuck about microwave radiation.

>> No.4604800

I was sick for a week when I was about 7 or 8 from a 2 foot long icey pop I got at the corner store. Than my sister got the same thing after me.

>> No.4605157
File: 38 KB, 484x641, nongshim.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4605157

>School's professors' union goes on strike.
>Spend day running errands, stop by market and buy pic among other things.
>That evening, news is strike resolved, but classes cancelled for next day.
>Go to bathroom feeling odd. HGLAUUURRRGHH.
>Weird. that came out of nowhere.
>Shortly later. HFLRUUUUGHHH.
>Spend rest of night going to that bathroom every 20 minutes. If it's not coming out one end, it's the other.
>Free day from class is spent passed out in bed.

On the up side, I think I lost 8 pounds that night.

>> No.4605276

>>4601905
Salmonella from bad "Chinese" food.
Fucked me over for 2 weeks.

>> No.4605285
File: 80 KB, 294x295, 1353227626268.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4605285

>Be 9 months ago.
>Had a gastric bypass
>Came home after a week
>Some how I got dumping syndrome
>End up compulsively throwing up for 6 hours in the night
>Couldn't fall asleep
>Continued for three days.
>Had morning sickness for three months.

>> No.4605481

apparently the salmon was not good anymore, proceed to shit and puke simultaneously for days. eating fish was never the same after that incident

>> No.4605485

>>4605285
and that is your punishment for being fat

>> No.4605488

I'm not sure what did it to me, I was in high school when it happened.
I remember stumbling down the hallway crying for my mom when I collapsed, then I crawled to the toilet to puke and shit.
I crapped myself the next morning.

>> No.4605491

>>4605285
i only get dumping syndrome if i take in too much sugar too fast. then it just makes me feel like i'm going to faint.
i hate that al roker perpetuated the myth that dumping syndrome means you take a huge dump. fucking retard.
it means the contents of your puch go into your small instestine too fast.

>> No.4605498

I have only had it once, made me ill for a few hours. Was in an American restaurant.

>> No.4605650

>>4602216

I wonder if you would have seen everything in 3D had you been wearing those glasses.

>> No.4605654

>>4602839

I don't see a problem there. When I cook, I eat only half of it and leave the other half in the pan/pot outside and just cover it with a lid. I also don't reheat it.

>> No.4605659
File: 14 KB, 300x449, 300px-Toilet_in_german_theater_munich[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4605659

>>4603427

Those are mostly found at either really old places or ones where old people live. A regular German toilet looks more like this.

>> No.4605666

Got it from something, don't remember what, when I was 8. Some fast food joint.

Spent the next 24 hours curled up on top of a blanket nest right next to the bathroom vomiting regularly and watching a fever movie in the crack between the floor and the door.

>> No.4605679

>wake up one day after eating some chicken and chillies
>get ready for college
>leave to drive to college
>stomach feels weird
>20 minutes later
>stuck in traffic
>stomach is killing me
>3 minutes later
>feel a sudden rush of shit trying to escape
>it burns my ass
>tighten my ring as hard as possible
>takes me a further 5 minutes to turn the car out of the traffic to head home
>rushing home, worst pain I have ever felt in my life
>stomach feels like its being stabbed
>decide I won't make it
>turn into the nearest mcdonalds
>just as I pull in my anus relaxes
>spew about 3 liters of liquid shit down the back of my jeans
>it literally raises me about 2 inches higher on my chair
>the smell is horrific
>its burning the back of my legs (cuz chilli)
>get home and hose myself down in the garden

>> No.4605683

>>4605679

I lol'd

>> No.4605688

Don't think that those are food poisoning stories but oh well.

>class trip to Italy
>on the first day, take shower
>smells like I'm in a swimming pool
>we're hungry in the evening so we make some soup with the tap water
>that night, wake up to horrible stomach aches
>go to toilet
>throw up
>sit down
>diarrhea splashing out of my ass
>dude comes up and asks what I'm doing in there because it smells so bad
>go to bed
>only thing I can do the next day is sit down and suffer
Oh well, a day later everybody got fucked by all the chlorine in the water, only I was feeling stellar because I kept away from it. People just didn't listen to me.

>10 years old or so
>eat a whole can of pizza-flavoured Pringles
>eat some raw pasta
>jump on bed, have loads of fun
>go to sleep
>wake up, sit up
>throw up all over my blanket
>go to bathroom
>throw up again
>wake my mom
>throw up again
>throw up 7 or 8 times that night
>literally throwing up spaghtti all night

Fuck Pizza Pringles.

>> No.4605690

>>4601946
Did you sue them?

>> No.4605697

>>4605690

MURICA

>> No.4605706

>>4605697
>buy easy to eat food for your child
>child almost dies because unexpected bones
>next day he is food poisoned
I'm not american but I would sue the shit out of them.

>> No.4605735
File: 2.85 MB, 5000x5000, 1365049826665.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4605735

>be 6 or 7
>dad says "Look, I'm going to make you a baked potato!"
>be excited
>baked potatoes were rare in my house
>microwavable potato in a plastic bag
>inhaled it in
>satisfied
>stomach hurts in the middle of the night
>run to bathroom
>puke non-stop for 2 hours
>cramps everywhere
>fever
>miss school the next day
>diarrhea every 10 minutes
>followed by puking
>extremely dehydrated
>dad says "Oh, I wonder what could have caused this?"
>tfw I knew it was the microwavable potato

>> No.4605755

>eat at Mcdonalds once
>tasted like shit
>get food poisoned for two days
>never eat fast food again

>> No.4605795

>>4605690
American detected

>> No.4605796

Probably not food poisoning, just stomach flu.

>Age 16
>After school, mom goes to get hair cut, I sit in the parking lot waiting and listening to TSOAF
>wait, something doesn't feel right

>45 minutes later
>she comes back, I can finally discern that my stomach pains may be alleviated by shitting, after she starts the car
>say nothing
>rumbling intensifies
>ask mom to take me straight home and drive fast
>Friday night traffic in a big city. Nope. and what about the pizza we ordered, Anon?
>say nothing and try to sleep

>1 hour later
>still in car, waiting for the pizza
>using all my energy to my sphincter sealed
>The Prince of Demons and the Deciever, disguised as a fart, tempts me to loosen my death grip
>Nope. I hold my buttcheeks together with my hands

>15 minutes later
>make it in the house
>start running up the stairs to the bathroom
>something seizes my legs
>my vision blurs, the world starts spinning
>don't even want to go to bathroom anymore, but I force myself
>I slowly crawl up the stairs and into the bathroom
>release the floodgates, fill toilet

>stupidly eat pizza and drink pop afterward
>itkeepshappening.gif
>vomit every hour after that for two days

>> No.4605813

>>4603586
Wait, so americans don't need a toilet brush?
How does this even work.

>> No.4605824

>>4605755
I've had a similar, non-trolling experience.

>be 5
>move to america from italy because half american dad got a job in dc
>uncomfortable flight
>smell of stagnant, stale air. feeling sick
>land at night time (not sure what time, but it was dark)
>dad wants me to be a "real american"
>wants to pick me up a happy meal
>eat
>play with little moon man toy thing a little while parents and brother set up bedrooms
>go to bed
>wake up, middle of the night, violently ill, vomiting everywhere
>no more mcdonald's

>dad's work transfers him to jakarta
>stay behind in murrca until mum gets fed up and moves us back to italy
>italy for 2 years
>fun fun good food
>dad gets transferred to manila
>8 years old now
>mum moves us to manila
>dad picks us up at airport with a happy meal for me
>ithinkimgonnabesick.png
>be sick

On both accounts, though, I assume the plane ride was what got me ill. Nonetheless, that's all the operant conditioning I needed to imprint McDonald's avoidance on my prepubescent psyche.

>> No.4605844

>>4601953
jesus christ, were you TRYING to puke?

>> No.4605850
File: 109 KB, 800x599, stalls.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4605850

>>4605813
US toilets look like this. Poop goes in, sinks to the bottom or floats on top, but always stays in the water. Sometimes the toilet paper clogs the drain or if you unleash a theater rope sized motherfucker that may clog it aswell. In either case, a plunger is used to unclog. Generally, we don't use toilet brushes unless cleaning the inside of the bowl.

>> No.4605856

>>4605850
Interesting.
Why is there a gap in your toilet seats?

>> No.4605858

>beginning of 9th grade.
>go to bjs wholesale with dad
>he buys us those personal pizza hut pizza,
>eat it
>later in that night, throw up
>miss school, it was literally the first week going back
>throw up all monday
>not thrilled at missing school cause throwing up
>my mom decides that i shouldnt go to school the next day
>wake up, feel ok
>turn on the tv,
>a fucking plane crashes into the WTC
>giggle saying what idiot pilot crashes into a building
>see the 2nd plane hit
>holy shit
>family from cali starts to call us wondering if we are ok

we live an hour by train from the city, but yeah, dont eat from BJ's cause terrorist attacks will happen.

>> No.4605864

>>4605856

Makes for an easier and more pleasant experience for those of us with penises.

>> No.4605865
File: 10 KB, 180x218, 124141389796.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4605865

>be 11
>going on long vacation to new zealand with family (had relatives living there)
>stop in Hong Kong.
>sleepy and hungry as fuck
>everywhere is crowded as fuck
>i just want to eat dangit!
>find this little restaurant hidden behind a stairwell
>NOBODY sitting there
>11 year old me: fuck yeah! seats!
>parents go with but dont eat anything
>get a hotdog
>disgusting ass hotdog
>fucking mustard everywhere
>was huge
>tasted like death
>eat as much as i can anyway becuz hungry and airplane food is even worse
>get on next flight
11 hours to go
>sleep
>bitch of an air-attendant wakes me up for food
>flying with shit tier cheap chinese airplane company (we weren't especially rich, and a trip to new zealand is EXPENSIVE
>Asks me if i want food
>as soon as she does, i smell the scent of horror, which should never be smellt by mortal noses.
>holy fuck i feel sick
>go to airplane toilet as fast as i can
>puke the most disgusting puke i have ever had
>tell them i dont want no food, aint hungry no more
>get back to sleep
>finally arrive
>family waiting for us, going out dinner tonight
>i couldnt come, just lying in the hotel that night because GODDAMNIT IM SICK

>mfw i realized the next day we still had a 6-hour cartrip to go.

>> No.4605866

>>4605856
For our massive genitalia.


Really, I don't know. It's mostly public toilets that are like that, every toilet I've been on in a house or apartment is a closed loop.

>> No.4605867

>>4605824
>dad wants me to be a real american
>buys me a happy meal
I laughed.

>> No.4605884

>>4603444
suddenly certain types of german porn make sense

>> No.4605885

>>4605866
>>4605856
Found this:

>Why are public toilet seats always "U" shaped?
>March 2, 1990

>Dear Cecil:

>Why are residential toilet seats always round, and public toilet seats always "U" shaped? Who started this practice?

>— R.G., Jacksonville, Florida

>Cecil replies:

>Three times readers have sent me this question in the space of four months. You people really have to start getting out of the house.

>Public toilets are designed the way they are for the obvious reason: men are pigs. In particular, they splash, and when they're out of the house and away from the restraining influence of their families, they splash even more — and they don't wipe up. The relevant male apparatus being in the front, this makes the front of the toilet seat (particularly the underside) pretty gross — or rather, it would make it gross, if toilet-seat makers hadn't been shrewd enough to head the problem off at the pass.

>Who the unsung genius was who started this practice we may never know, but it's now embodied in industry standards. Cecil was chatting with Shabbir Rawalpindiwala, chairman of the toilet-seat committee for the American National Standards Institute, and he told me that after months of solemn deliberation, he and his fellow intellectuals had definitively set the design of public (and private) toilet seats for all time, ensuring that our grandchildren will have U-shaped public potty seats too. (Actually, Shabbir heads the Committee on Synthetic Organic Materials in Plumbing Fixtures, but it'll always be the toilet-seat committee to me.) One small step for a man, another giant leap for mankind.

>— Cecil Adams

>> No.4605893

>>4605885
Another reason to never get on a public toilet.

>> No.4605904

>>4605885

The women's toilet at the movie theater yesterday was pretty nasty, but I suspect that's because the lazy teenage shitfaces who work there haven't cleaned it in months.

>> No.4605912

>>4605885
without going into detail i will say that this is extremely relevant for women's toilets too...

>> No.4605965

>>4602048
Wow, that last bit is completely unreasonable, he sounds like a prick.

>> No.4605975

>>4605912
My boyfriend laughs at me because I always manage getting pee on the underside of the seat. It was worse when I had a uti and was on a lot of pills and my urine was stained red and it looked like blood whenever he lifted the seat to use the toilet.

>> No.4605979

>last week
>get super drunk and high
>eat massive ammounts of chilli
>wake up dehydrated, blocked nose and worst heartburn i have ever had
>grab cup from cupboard, grab milk from fridge
>pour myself a glass
>skol down half the cup and go up for some air
>get a tiny wiff and taste of off milk
>look at bottle
>2 weeks out of date
>3 seconds go by as it sinks in
>spew up all over the kitchen
>keep spewing until my stomach is empty
>still sick since then

>> No.4606040

>>4605975

How does that even happen? Or is this caused by this high water level in American toilets?

>> No.4606051

>first time in America
>looking for a Taco Bell
>can't find one
>"Hey, look, there's a White Castle!"
>-"You sure about this?"
>"Yeah! People in movies go there ALL the time. It MUST be great!"
>get in there
>be greeted by the smell of urine
>order a menu with 6 sliders (that's what they're called, right?) each
>sit down somewhere where it doesn't smell like somebody peed on the floor
>take first burger out
>fat drips off of it
>smells like old cooking oil
>take a bite
>tastes like stale fat and old cooking oil
>hungry, so we force it down
>during the meal, two homeless people came in and asked for change
>get out
>our stomachs start to hurt
>take subway to some place
>start feeling sick in the subway
>get out, go into a mall and search for toilets
>sit down in a stall and shit
>feel much better

Fucking White Castle, this really wasn't as good as I expected.

>> No.4606070

>>4606040
I have no idea. I think it's backsplash from peeing on the porcelain

>> No.4606159

>>4606051
I always try to warn foreigners about that place. They're called sliders for a reason anon

>> No.4606165

>>4602014
You're either a troll or a miracle retard. What kind of a moron eats a random mushroom without knowing anything about it?

>> No.4606169

Food poisoning is 90% of the time from meat. What does this tell us? Human body is not meant to consume meat.

>> No.4606172

>>4606169
>inb4 100 replies of pointless flaming

>> No.4606177

>>4606169
If body is vegans then who was incisor?

>> No.4606192

>>4606169
That people need to stop leaving meat out too long.

>> No.4606220

>>4606169
tearing with your teeth at raw meat from something you just killed is pretty damn safe. Cooking that meat over a fire is also safe. Leaving that dead animal there for a day and then eating its meat is less safe.

>> No.4606224

>>4606169
Is broken English a turn on for anyone else?

>> No.4606225

>>4606177
You mean the canine?
Squirrels and beavers have big incisors.

>> No.4606230

>>4606225
We don't chew trees ya twat

>> No.4606243

>>4606225
Many herbivores also have canines.

>> No.4606250
File: 23 KB, 320x240, 1342466420005.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4606250

>>4606169

>Dat logic

>> No.4606253

>>4606169
did you pull that fact out of your own ass or someone else s?

>> No.4606257

I drank chocolate milk that had been sitting out all day when I was a little kid. Tasted fine enough at the time but then I was wrecked for a whole week. Vomited about every 20 minutes.
Strangely enough I couldn't eat peanut butter for a long time after that even though it didn't contribute to me being sick.

>> No.4606292

>>4605679
What happened with your car?

>> No.4606302

Expired caramel ice cream topping. It smelled and tasted fine when I ate it, but around 3am until the following day it was coming out both ends with a vengeance.

>> No.4606311

>>4605824
I wasn't trolling. I haven't eaten fast-food since. It was about 3-4 years ago. I had only done so a few times before.

>> No.4606326

~5years old, badly refrigerated ice cream put me in a Spanish hospital for over a week (of a 2 week holiday) on nill by mouth for the most part. I couldn't even sit up I was so weak, anything I did eat came straight back up.

>> No.4606521

>>4602713

> Derpina
> anything.jpg
> pictures of water
> lies
> more lies
> Too stupid to know that food poisoning isn't instantaneous

Get fucked

>> No.4606610

>>4606521
> Too stupid to know that food poisoning isn't instantaneous
You don't read well do you? She said there were hours between eating and getting sick. Later, at the hospital, sick FROM THAT INCIDENT, she was puking from drinking water.

>>4602713
>Hours later projectile vomit in the bathroom

>> No.4606652

i got really bad food poisoning from wagamamas, actually
i threw up rice, mushroom and prawns into a friends bathtub for like 4 hours

they gave me a voucher for £60 of wagamamas
i never used it

>> No.4606659

I have a severe pork intolerance/allergy/digestion aversion

and several people in my life have tried to convince me it's "not real"
i have been hospitalised about 9 times with my throat swelling/projectile vomiting/violent fevers/violent chill and dry mouth/whatever

one time a friends dad forgot i was the friend coming over for dinner
and hed roasted a chicken wrapped in parma ham
he just unwrapped it and pretended it was ordinary

he apologised when the paramedics were putting me on the stretcher

I've had a lot of problems eating at british chains of Pizza Hut. as well, but I don't know why. Usually even if I just get a salad or a garlic bread I get stomach cramps and cold sweats. Pepperoni is something very oily that they use a lot so I guess its residual stuff?

Also the last time I ate mcdonalds it lasted 10 minutes in my belly before it came straight back up, but i think that was just my body being fussy.

>> No.4606724

>>4605867
Those are the words he used, exactly, and in English at that. While we lived in America, dad enforced speaking English and wasn't pleased that the rest of us spoke either Italian, Greek or German with one another (or often a mishmash between two or all of them).

During my time in the US back then, dad tried hard to make me into a real american kid. Baseball and handegg were peddled to me under the pretense that they were fun. I was five/six years old and found both baseball and handegg to have too many rules to be fun. They bored me and still do today. Football/soccer only, thanks.
Then he tried more with food. There was bubblegum flavoured soda and green Kool Aid. Because I actually liked them, dad bought both in excess then grew upset when I didn't drink them all that much. As a child and onward into the present, I liked sweet things, but not every day!
He also bought these disgusting "fruit" pies that tasted nothing of fruit. They were filled with an unholy goop that resembled drainage from Satan's carbuncles. Horrid pastries that they are. The neighbourhood kids liked them, though, so I traded them for social inclusion. It's difficult for a kid who doesn't yet speak the common language used where he lives to make friends without some sort of bribe system.

I live in the US again. I speak far better English now than I did then. Huzzah! I like it here.