/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.4565183]

>eat a triple dose of metamucil, have a 5 sandwiches over the day
>early the next morning busting for a shit, drinking a huge red bull
>mfw doing the largest shit ever, it actually crests above the waterline like some enormous mountain emerging from the deep ocean floor

[Anonymous No.4565314]

B-Booker chan...

[Anonymous No.4565361]

you fucking nerds. A big shit is the highlight of your month. Kill me now.

[Anonymous No.4565524]

> babbys 1st event horizon

[Anonymous No.4565759]

>>4565183
In my family that sorta shit is referred to as an excalibur.

[Anonymous No.4565789]

I laid a big log like that in a toilet at my local tavern. After I did it I was quite proud, I wanted everyone else to see it and admire it so I didn't flush it and waddled along to the next cubicle to wipe my ass.

[Anonymous No.4566151]

Oatmeal has been helping me lately. I might try out metamucil.

[Anonymous No.4566154]

>>4565183
are you me?

[Anonymous No.4566200]

>start drinking loads more water because summer and working outside
>all shit comes out in one long turd
>looks like someone cut length of thick cord, folded it, and placed it in the bowl

I didn't know water had that much of an effect.

[Anonymous No.4566212]

>>4566200
Yep, your body needs water to function properly.
Working outside probably means more physical activity so that will get things moving too.

[Anonymous No.4566612]

>walk into bathroom some time after my brother was over for sportsball watching
>absolutely mammoth piece of shit sitting in the bowl
>it rests vertically in the toilet with half of it rising above the low water line
>try to flush it
>nothing happens
>try again
>it rattles around in the bowl, but nothing is accomplished
>break out the plunger and topple the shit tower
>toilet makes horrifying noise as it takes the rubble away

Turns out a diet of french fries and chips for 3 days straight isn't all that good for your digestive system

[Anonymous No.4566665]

Shit stories? Sure, why not
>Be 8 years old
>eat nothing but kraft dinner (mac and cheese)
>don't poop for a few days
>mention this to mom
>takes me to dr
>gives me weird milky medicine
>take medicine
>ohshitgottapoop.jpeg
>working on the biggest shit of my life to this day at age 8
>actually hurts so much
>pray to god to kill me
>notevenkidding.jpeg
>god won't kill me
>I finally pass a shit the size of a softball out of a 8 year old anus
>actually pass out
>wake up the next day an atheist because any god that loved me would of provided me with a mercy killing in my time of need.

tldr: I'm mad God would not strike me down mid shit at the age of 8

[Anonymous No.4566681]

>>4566665

Clearly God still doesn't love you

[Anonymous No.4566683]

[Anonymous No.4566691]

>>4566665
made me lel

[Anonymous No.4566712]

>eat a dish with sweet corn in it
>some time later, go and take a shit
>start wiping
>feel something solid
>it's a perfectly intact piece of corn, swollen up with my colon juices
>feel a bit sick
>finish wiping
>wash hands
>go out of bathroom to my girlfriend
>see her eating a salad with sweet corn
>nearly gag and go outside a bit

[Anonymous No.4566748]

>>4566712
Lrn2chew faget.

[Anonymous No.4566815]

>be at work
>boss' birthday was that day, someone brought cupcakes
>I grab one with the deepest green frosting you'd ever seen
>scarf it down and get back to things
>get home, nature's calling
>do my thing and out of curiousity look into the bowl
>it's fucking St Patrick's Day in there
>Olive Green turds swimming in Chartreuse Green water
>mfw

[Anonymous No.4566819]

I've literally never been constipated in my entire life, is that a bad thing?

[Anonymous No.4566833]

>>4566819
It's not a good thing

[Anonymous No.4566853]

>>4566819
The constipation itself is terrible, but the feeling after passing a small universe out of your anus feels amazing.

[Anonymous No.4566867]

>>4566853
I get that feeling without that bad constipation feeling, apparently

I am loved by the gods

[Anonymous No.4566931]

>>4566683
Funniest thing I've ever read. Something about poo stories always gets me into tears of laughter.

[Anonymous No.4566951]

>>4565759
>He who pulls the turd from the bowls shall be crowned king of England!

[Anonymous No.4566966]

>be alcoholic
>massive diarrhea of all colors every few hours
>bathroom attached to bedroom
>mfw my boyfriend hears me having explosive shits

[Anonymous No.4566979]

I suppose this is good a place as any to ask about poop-related stuff.

Over the past year I've found that I have to shit immediately after finishing a meal, and I do mean immediately. Doesn't matter what I ate, grain/vegetable/meat/dairy/fruit, greasy or healthy, organic or processed, small portions or large. Normally I'd think of this as a sign of a healthy colon, but it's accompanied by a lot of gas pain and the poops are never solid. It's getting kind of annoying to have to rush to the bathroom right after a meal at a nice restaurant or at a friend's house too.

Is there something wrong with me? Or am I getting paranoid over nothing?

[Anonymous No.4567015]

>eat a whole pack of spinach for dinner with some bell pepper and lemon for vit C
>enjoy the blackest shit you'll ever have

[Anonymous No.4567038]

>>4566966
You don't deserve love.

[Anonymous No.4567040]

>>4566665
medium lel

[Anonymous No.4567053]

>>4566683
I've read so many MRE shit stories, but this one tops them all.

[Anonymous No.4567065]

>>4566979
You might be allergic to gluten. That happens to my mom when she eats bread and whatnot.
She can eat some, but a decent sized sammich will give her the shits.

[Anonymous No.4567094]

>tfw most of your shits are so enormous that you can't even flush them down the toilet properly
>tfw you literally have to break your own shit into pieces and flush every individual piece down the toilet separately
>tfw you have to keep a pair of disposable gloves by the toilet

it's not just my toilet either, i have to carry a pair in my back pocket whenever i go out just in case

nobody will ever know this feel

[Anonymous No.4567114]

>>4567065
See I thought that too for a while, but it happens regardless of what I eat (and I don't eat products containing gluten with every single meal).

[Anonymous No.4567118]

>>4567114
Then I'd go to a doctor. I wouldn't put off anything having to do with the digestive system.

[Anonymous No.4567136]

>>4566665
0/canadian

[Anonymous No.4567183]

>>4566979
You might have crohns disease bro. I have it, and your story sounds like my typical day. Get to the doctor man

[Anonymous No.4567187]

>>4567094

were you buttraped as a kid? some social worker chick told me that a little kid she worked with was cornholed so bad that they had to break his poops up. Real sad shit.

[Anonymous No.4567190]

>>4567187
no

what the fuck

[Anonymous No.4567191]

>>4567094
I've been there. Worst situation was at a hotel when that happened and thank God I packed disposable gloves.

[Anonymous No.4567238]

>>4567190
Are you sure? something that traumatic has a good possibility of heavy psychological damage. Maybe you're repressing the memory. It's ok; you're among friends here. You can let it out, and let the healing begin.

[Anonymous No.4567305]

>>4567114
I have IBS and my days sometimes sound similar to yours, but not remotely as bad. I'm going to second that you need to see a doctor because it could be something worse than IBS.

[Anonymous No.4567325]

>>4567238
i kek'd

XD