/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.4376831]

so after years of being a filthy bastard i'm pretty sure I've finally contracted food poisoning. any way to assuage this?
food poisoning stories also welcome.

[Anonymous No.4376838]

drink lots of water, it will go away

[Anonymous No.4376839]

I got food poisoning once. It changed me forever.

[Anonymous No.4376846]

>>4376839
Don't I know it, bro
http://youtu.be/vaAbgpmbDZM

[Anonymous No.4376853]

>>4376838
Not sure if you're giving sound advice but that's my current plan anyways. CAN'T QUITE KEEP IT DOWN YET but I'm drinkin' past the pain.

>>4376846
the greatest adventure is so far involving projectile vomiting and urgent pangs of diarrhea warning

[Anonymous No.4376855]

>>4376831
Dear god, I would never wish that upon anybody. Not only is it suffering but humiliating as well. Drink lots of water and brothy soups. No way can your body handle solids right now.

[Anonymous No.4376859]

>School camping trip
>Dinner
>Chicken fillets were served to everyone.
>Looked dodgy so I just ate vegetables.
>Everyone at the table gave me shit for doing so.
>Everyone who ate the chicken got food poisoning.

I was the only one that didn't get sick.
Hope you get better soon, OP. wish I had advice to share.

[Anonymous No.4376861]

treat it as an opportunity to lose weight piggy

[Anonymous No.4376868]

>>4376831
I got food poisoning as well, I literally shit my pants yesterday when I tried to fart. It's passing now, and I'm so fucking hungry for some solid food.

[Anonymous No.4376872]

>>4376831
>any way to sausage this?

[Anonymous No.4376881]

>>4376861
it's all going to be water weight and depending on how long i'm laid out maybe some muscle, but thank you for the very sane advice. Your concern for me surpasses my own.

[Anonymous No.4376887]

>Last December
>be at a friends house with homies
>get drunk and decide its my time to leave
>get munchies for Qdoba
>go to certain Qdoba in town that has a reputation for not so fresh beef
>fuck it
>get steak anyways
>a day later fart while on my couch
>wet undies
>headaches start later that night
>try to sleep it off
>wake up at 3am and continuously get up to shit water every 30 minutes until 10am
Worst Christmas weekend ever.

[Anonymous No.4376895]

>been seeing girl for about 2 weeks
>Haven't hit it yet
>At her apartment for first time
>Order Chinese
>Foreplay leading to the bone zone
>Massive onset of shits and vomiting
>Destroy bathroom for an hour
>Too fucked up to fuck
>3am, 30 degrees and windy, go downstairs to car
>Some nig broke in, nothing to steal
>drive home and shit/puke some more

Best Day Ever

[Anonymous No.4376912]

>>4376887
>>4376895
kinda hope this is the same guy

[Anonymous No.4376916]

>>4376895
WUT WAS FILE

[Anonymous No.4376920]

>Get off of work at 1 AM
>Arrive home to see friend chilling in my room
>Kick him off of my bed, shamble into it and hope to sleep for a good few hours before work again
>Woken up not twenty minutes later by a rumbly in my tumbly
>Try to will it away so I can go back to sleep
>Critical Mission Failure
>End up having to step over the guy sleeping on my floor while desperately holding Mt Vesuvius in my anus
>Reach toilet, shit water for a good hour
>Crawl back into bed, exhausted and wondering where life went wrong

[Anonymous No.4376923]

I ate some bad fried fish once. I had fishy smelling, liquid shits for a week.

[Anonymous No.4376940]

>>4376916
nothing special. just a pic from google images of a vomit covered turlet. I'll try to repost it

[Anonymous No.4376954]

>>4376912
Lol it's not the same guy. I posted this >>4376895

Didn't even read this guys post >>4376887 till after I posted.

I think I should have food poisioning more often, given my diet and the places I choose to eat. But I don't.
>God tier GI tract
>MTW (my toilet when)

[Anonymous No.4376955]

>>4376940
ah. not nearly as exciting as expected
thanks though

[Anonymous No.4376964]

>skipped class to wander around downtown (college)
>got tired after awhile and decided to try this asian restaurant
>ordered the spicy seafood pho like I normally do
>notices the place is owned by a drag queen
>food comes; tastes pretty bad
>went home and threw up/diarrhea all day

[Anonymous No.4376971]

>Helping relative move out in Colorado
>doing a lot of heavy lifting
>breakfast at Hotel, massive cinnamon rolls
>Eat like, 3 huge cinnamon rolls for breakfast
>skip lunch, but we stop by a bakery at one point, end up eating 2 more huge cinamon rolls
>go to dinner at a country restaurant, have the country fried steak
>for desert I figure, screw it, order the cinamon roll
>Go swimming in the Puda river, might of drank some of the river water
>Bring out truly gargantuate square cinamon roll, without exageration, litterally over a square foot
>eat the whole thing
>midnight
>I feel something shift in my stomache
>projectile vomit tan-sparkly mush constantly for the next 18 hour period
>Get to stay at hotel and watch Cartoon Network all day
>KND marathon, don't even like that show

And then I didn't eat Cinnamon rolls for 5 years.

[Wumplord No.4376974]

>>4376964
The best tacos I've ever had in my life were from a transvestites street cart in Mexico.
Thats all.

[Anonymous No.4376985]

I don't know if this was from the flu or food poisoning, but it was awful.

[Anonymous No.4376994]

>>4376955
Sorry to disappoint. Here's my dinner tonight. Holiday Inn $10 dinner buffet in Austin, TX.

>Chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes
>cup of gravy and carrot cake.
>Bottled water because fuck hotel water.
>Has been sitting under a napkin for a few hours
>Hopefully the copious amounts of Jack I have consumed will kill the food poisioning

I know, more disappoint

[Anonymous No.4377004]

>>4376974
similarly, i can't stand expensive indian food, the filthier the restaurant the better. Best indian food i've ever had was leaking water OVER THEIR BUFFET. still ate it, gave no fucks. it was divine.

[Anonymous No.4377013]

>>4377004
I live in the American south on the coast, and the same thing's true.

If you want good seafood, go to the shabby-ist, most tastelessly decorated shack you can find.

If you want good southern' cookin, go to the dingy-ist, most "just a trailer with an oven and some tables" restaurant with the fattest, blackest cook you can find.

Don't expect an even remotely healthy meal though.

[Anonymous No.4377014]

>>4376994
That looks delicious. I ate a chicken parm sub from a cumberland farms for dinner, because I only brought ten dollars for my double shift there

[Anonymous No.4377019]

>>4376994
thats one nasty ass looking carrot cake

[Anonymous No.4377021]

>>4377013
aint too fancy but it SHO IS CHEAP

http://youtu.be/kBJQOX_V4o8

[Anonymous No.4377023]

> eat sushi
> wake up in the middle of the night spewing shit from my asshole
> severe dehydration
> hospital
> never again with the sushi

[Anonymous No.4377035]

>>4377019
The carrot cake was actually great 8.5/10.

But thanks for prompting me to take a picture and actually bring something to /ck/ rather than your non-contributing ass, dumbfuck.

[Anonymous No.4377036]

>>4377035
if i were not firing shotgun blasts of water from every orifice i would eat the hell out of that blessed morsel.

[Anonymous No.4377043]

>>4377013

Where do you live? In Alabama?

Because I know the best fucking Southern restaurant. It's literally a shack in the middle of nowhere. At least 30 minutes from the nearest town.

Popular as all hell though.

[Anonymous No.4377045]

>>4377043
North Carolina.

[Anonymous No.4377046]

>>4377045

Oooh. Well, at least here in Alabama the best restaurants are dilapitated shacks in the middle of nowhere. I know a good one down in Louisiana that's in the middle of the swamp. You can sit out on the deck above the alligator pit and watch them.

[Anonymous No.4377084]

>Dec. 23/Christmas Eve morning 2011
>Get done having a few drinks with a couple of buddies
>Do our usual after drinks Mexican food run
>Get my usual Cheese Enchiladas
>We eat and go our separate ways
>Go to sleep
>Couple hours later
>Eruptly jolt awake
>Run to bathroom
>Vomit and diarrhea for about 30 Minutes straight
>Just when I think my body has emptied out
>Go lay down again
>The urge returns
>Do this about 6 more times for on and off for 3 hours.

It used to be my favorite Mexican place too. Haven't gone back since...

[Anonymous No.4377093]

>>4376838
This. Lots and lots of water.
Also, lots of bed rest. Don't exert yourself.
Let your body rest and fight and do its thing.

Drinking lots of fluids not only helps you purge whatever shit is in your system faster, but it also gives you something to vomit when you do throw it up.
Which you will.
Don't fight it. Just puke your fucking guts up. Its your bodies way of getting that shit outta you as quickly as you can.

I had a bad encounter with some really angry, bad mayonnaise last year. Fucked me up something awful.
You'll feel better in 48 hours.

Good luck.

[Anonymous No.4377463]

>12 years old, Boy Scout rock climbing trip
>no, I wasn't molested by Scout Leader Badtouch
>we brought our own food, someone brought a giant pack of frozen sausage patties
>smell them cooking, fucking delicious
>get offered some to cook for myself and take two
>cook them up over nice hot coals
>fucking delicious
>two-three hours later, start feeling pretty bad, stomach aches
>"Hurry up anon! It's our time to go rock climbing!"
>let loose massive watery shit in the outhouse
>still feel bad
>put on rock climbing harness, not helping
>tough it out because fuck yeah, manstrong!
>before I start climbing, urge to violently shit comes again
>rip off harness and run away to the shitter
>this time, vomit as well, all over the outhouse
>underwear full of watery shit
>repeat three times before I decide it's time to go
>get driven home, leave my tent full of shit and vomit stained clothes
>start feeling a little better until dad picks me up
>cold day, he has the heater in the car on high and one vent is blowing in my face
>oh god, here it comes again
>dad pulls over and I barely wrench the door open in time to heave my guts
>spend next two days in bed at home
>two weeks later, go back to scout meeting to retrieve camping gear
>they washed my clothes and packed everything neatly
>can't look anyone in the eye, spaghetti pockets my way out and leave the scouts

Took me 20 years to eat sausage again.

[Anonymous No.4377657]

>>4377093
how do you people manage to eat bad food?
I mean, to anyone with a healthy palate, it's pretty obvious what is stale, rotten, or off to the point of not being healthy to eat.

Obvious exception: drinking the tap-water anywhere else than your homeland WILL get you sick because the new E Coli somehow isn't ever friendly and subdued like the old E Coli you had at home

[Anonymous No.4379778]

>spent entire week sleeping on hard dorm floor with no heat (in december)
>come home tired and find mom made stuffed clams, salmon, rice and peas
>imokaywiththis.jpg
>go out drinking with buds because shit week
>all of a sudden...bubble guts
>very drunk by this time so tell friends to drive me home
>make it to bathroom sweating. kneel down and begin vomiting when... OMG i need to take my pants off now
>stop vomiting long enough to sit on toilet and spray brown water from my bowels
>oh god need to vomit again
>turn around and vomit into vomity shit water
>repeat process till im out of fluids

im only glad i drank enough to not remember the stench that must have filled that bathroom

[Anonymous No.4379787]

That feel when food poisoning gets you out of that constipation rut you've been in for the last 3 years.

[Anonymous No.4379803]

>mfw I have Crohn's disease and its like having food poisoning all day everyday

[Anonymous No.4379816]

>>4379778
sit and spins

try that on a 10 hour flight on Air Tahiti after eating some questionable poisson cru from an airport vendor.

was so bad, the air marshal had to check things out, he rofllao, left me alone, fortunately was only passenger in business class, totally trashed the plane.

had a wheelchair waiting for me at LAX and a box of butt wipes.courtesy of TSA.

[Anonymous No.4379818]

>>4379803
Used to work with a lady that had crohn's, sometimes had the misfortune of hitting the john after she laid ruin. Bitch could wreck some shit. mfw i smell that ass

[Anonymous No.4379853]

>>4376940
Chicken noodle soup, or pot pie?

[Anonymous No.4379899]

>Be out late grocery shopping with mom
>I'm like 10 and it's a weekday so she buys some deli fried chicken for dinner
>go home and eat it
>go to bed
>feel sort of hot
>start dreaming
>there are like 2 booger guys, one on a step stool and the other on the ground
>There is a wheel with numbers 0-10 on it
>they both spin the wheel
>It lands on a number
>the number it lands on represents the pain I feel from my stomach and throat
>this dream continues for what feels like 30 minutes
>Suddenly wake up crying to screaming
>I'm fucking covered in puke, running a fever, and feel pain all around my body
>My grabs me and throws me in the bathtub and starts running cold water
I wonder if I played video games those 3 days I had off from school

[Anonymous No.4379997]

I had food poisoning once. I was a young teenager, not sure exactly how old, but still young. Family ordered take out from this local seafood restaurant that I'd never had before at that point in my life. I decide to be adventurous and order something called sesame encrusted wasabi tuna.

The taste was meh, but over the course of the next 48 hours I remember, like much of this thread, vomiting and shitting relentlessly. Only difference is I was blacked out for most of the time. It took me a long time before I'd bother eating non-canned tuna again, but even today I'm not fond of it.

[Anonymous No.4380019]

>>4379816
>>4379778

i lol'd heartily

[Anonymous No.4380037]

Got food poisoning from a Wendy's hamburger several months ago, haven't been able to stomach any kind of fast food "meat" item since. Usually just go to Taco Bell for a couple bean burritos when I get that junk food craving.

[Anonymous No.4380137]

Leftover KFC ruined me when I was 12. Couldn't even look at the sign while driving by.

[Anonymous No.4380151]

>>4379899

>I wonder if I played video games those 3 days I had off from school

you probably fucked your own ass

[Anonymous No.4380154]

>>4380151
Nah, I'm pretty sure I played majora's mask.

[Anonymous No.4380178]

>be 5 weeks ago
>carbohydrate loading before Army Physical Running Event.
>Pasta is overcooked, slightly mushy
>whatever, hungry as fuck, eat it anyways
>wake up in morning, do 6 mile run, good time etc etc
>Start walking home, get the chills, feeling lightheaded
>get home, shivering and cold as fuck, nothing I do gets me warm
>stomach in serious pain now
>feel like im going to pass out and throw up
>CONSTANT copious amounts of odorless gas
>stomach is bloating to all fuck
>standard diarreah, whatevs
>Throughout the day cant do anything, eat, sleep etc
>Later that night, try to get some food down
>make one serving of white rice
>eat rice
>1 hour later EXPLOSIVE diarrhea for hours
>dark brown/black motor oil consistency shit that smells like rice should smell
>bloating goes all out
>can not move, stomach and lower intestine feels like it is going to burst
>2AM laying butt-naked on the floor sweating bullets trying to fart and let gas escape
>FINALLY after eternity let out rapid bouts of shitty gas
>moaning with each fart
>fuck my life, worst pain I have EVER been in.
>wanted to call 911 the entire time, i thought i was going to explode

Havent eaten rice since. In addition, for a while the mere thought of overcooked pasta made me gag.

[Anonymous No.4380226]

>Late cram session
>Stomach reminds me around 2 AM that I did not ate for 10 hours
>Remember grocery shopping from the day before
>Open a sausage package and eat 2
>Around 1h30 later, feel really bad and leap to the bathroom
>No time to reach the toilets
>Yank the shower curtains open
>Puke all over the shower for 3 straight minutes
>Puke in waves for half an hour after

It was awful and my puke was pink. Whenever I pass the brand when I shop, I just vamoose.

[Anonymous No.4380242]

>eat some shrimp that were raw in the middle
>nothing
>eat a hamburger that was out overnight
>nothing
>eat raw bacon
>nothing
>drink cup of expired orange juice
>tummy ache, younger brother puked guts out
>eating chicken strips at college cafeteria
>after a few notice they are pink in the middle
>nothing
I have the gi of a Greek God.


Although one time I had a stomach virus and I had the nastiest, pure liquid, sour smelling diarrhea. I felt a squirt coming on, so I ran downstairs to the bathroom because the upstairs bathroom is being renovated, Once I reach the bottom few steps I slip backwards, land on my ass and shit myself.

[Anonymous No.4380261]

>>4376895

reminds me of this time I'm about to get down with my ex girlfriend

>making out and dry humping on her bed
>suddenly need to take horrible shit
>spend literally 30 minutes having explosive shit in her toilet
>go back to her room
>she says "poor baby I hope you feel better"
>we proceed to bang it out
>mfw

[Anonymous No.4380279]

>>4380261
that reminds me of how when my girlfriend wanted to try anal, she suggested we sit in the bathroom with each other when we poop so that I could overcome my fear of poop

it actually worked

[Anonymous No.4380280]

>5 years old
>get the shits and vomit
>live literally 2 blocks from hospital
>run there with parents, barely making it before having to run straight to the toilet for more shits
>food poisoning from eating a tomato
>end up on IV for 3 days
>in a two bed room with a guy with liver problems
>he's hilarious, calling his liver a fucking bitch when talking to my mother
>wants to offer me chocolate but nurses forbid him
>end up moving to bigger room with people with all sorts of diseases
>spend one day scared I'm going to catch some weird shit from them

Never had food poisoning ever again. By now I think my stomach handles everything because I've eaten some unusual shit and never gotten more than the basic of runs that don't even last long.

[Anonymous No.4380287]

I got two stories.

>night before Thanksgiving
>hungry so have some of my grandma's left over scalloped potatoes and ham
>few hours later start feeling sick
>violently sick all night and all the next day
>everyone's downstairs eating like a king while I'm up in bed smelling it all and barfing
Sucked so bad, that's like one of the worst days to get food poisoning. I think the leftovers had been left over for longer than expected.

>get Pei Wei to go
>get home and eat some rice
>rice tastes funny
>an hour later get extremely sick
>start barfing up un-digested rice
That was horrible. Imagine just feeling all these grains of rice moving its way up your throat.

[Anonymous No.4380297]

>>4376831
Also OP I've used that same cup you posted ever since I was a kid. I love it, mostly because of sentimental reasons, and the expression of the racoon about to fall over a giant waterfall.

[Anonymous No.4380300]

< Eat at mcdonnalds for the first time in years
< Go home not feeling to hot
< Wake up next day with horrible gas
< Constantly burping a very sulfurous taste and smell
< 2 days of water spraying out of my ass uncontrollably
< Go to doctor having to spray by the road on the trip in
< All the while belching sulfur
< Doctors say its foodpoisoning, get some sleep and fluids
Was kinda hoping for at least some antibiotic it was definately the worst ive ever been sick in my life, all cause I wanted some food quickly and let my guard down.

[Anonymous No.4380330]

>>4376994
I haven't had chicken fried steak in years

[Anonymous No.4380381]

>>4380280
> going to the hospital because you threw up
You and your parents are retarded.

[Anonymous No.4380385]

>>4380381
pediatric dehydration can definitely warrant hospitalization... OP's scenario kills hundreds of thousands of kids every year in the world's darker corners.
did you read on past that line where he said he was on an IV for three days?

[Anonymous No.4380386]

>>4380385
> waa waa I can't lie on the sofa for like two days and drink water

[Anonymous No.4380394]

>>4380330
obviously its time for some then, get a thin ribeye cut and have the butcher needle it, seasoned flour, buttermilk + egg + hotsauce of your choice, seasoned flour, deep/pan fry til deliciously brown

[Anonymous No.4380398]

>>4379899
God, sick dreams. Usually when i dreamt about a pastry factory, either cakes or pies, it would wake up with vomit or the very least nausea.

[Anonymous No.4380410]

>make chicken wings for family
>have unexpected guests turn up half way through cooking dinner
>add more wings to the fryer half way through
>when one is done, assume the rest are also done
>remove them all and serve them
>accidentally feed my family half cooked chicken wings
>tell them not to eat them and that I will
>feel sick shortly after
>puke dinner
>drink water
>puke water
>drink water
>puke water
>drink water
>puke water
>drink water
>puke water
>drink water
>puke water
>drink water
>puke water
>drink water
>puke water
>drink water
>puke water
>drink water
>puke water

[Anonymous No.4380437]

>tfw you shit and wipe so much your ass is sore for 2 days

[Anonymous No.4380605]

>>4380261
>>4380279

You two found yourselves keepers, yo.

[Anonymous No.4380621]

ff/emt of 9 years here.

>working a 24 hr shift.
>11pm.
>get a run for a car fire.
>we get done with that and go to a local greasy spoon
>I order a cheeseburger and tots.
>tastes so delicious.

fast forward

>5am
>wake up and go to a house fire.
>my stomach is rumbling all the way.
>finally put it out and go into salvage mode.
>can't hold it anymore.
>go take a nasty diarrhea shit in the toilet of the house we just put out.
>we cut the power so I'm in there with only my helmet and jacket flashlights.
>felt so much better afterwards.
>the commode was apparently broken because it wouldn't flush at all.
>left without saying a word.