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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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4312483 No.4312483 [Reply] [Original]

>Volunteer to make family dinner
>See Gordon Ramsey's "Sticky Lemon Chicken" video
>"Hey, that looks good! I'll make that!"
>No written recipe
>Blackened pans
>Barely edible chicken
>Champ is basically wallpaper paste
>Embarrassment

I can't be alone, di/ck/s. Share your kitchen shame stories.

>> No.4312489

>No written recipe

GJ buddy guy

>> No.4312495

I've tried that same recipe twice and didn't have any luck.

>> No.4312516

OP here. To be honest, I really fucked up the champ, as the potato-to-liquid ratio was way too low. It was basically soup, as I just tried to use what potatoes Mom had on hand (which wasn't as much as I wanted.)

>> No.4312519

Some shit just doesn't work out. Don't fret it.

>> No.4312526

>>4312519
The funny thing is, Mom actually added mozzarella and cornstarch to the champ, pan fried it, and made into something semi-edible. Good on her!

>> No.4312542

Also, I could have sworn I said, "SHARE YOUR KITCHEN SHAME STORIES." I know y'all ain't Julia Child. Own up, fu/ck/ers!

>> No.4312560

I tried making curry once. I added way to much cayenne pepper by accident and it ended up being completely inedible. I was so excited to make it and then a fucked it up :(

>> No.4312562

Attempted lemon chicken recipe, some random site I don't usually use. Noticed it used some strange ingredients including chicken noodle soup and thought it was strange, recipe picture looked like a lemon syrup. I'm a very competent cook usually and followed steps perfectly. However..
long story short poisoned myself, my brother and my mother with disgusting chicken that tasted like off milk and dishwashing detergent. We were sick for the rest of the day throwing up.

>> No.4312662

I can't make cookies
Like, I physically am cookie disabled
I can bake cakes, cupcakes, and cookie shaped cakes

>> No.4312679

>>4312662
I share this with you anon

>> No.4312685

>>4312679
>>4312662
me three.
I'm pretty decent at cooking, but baking is my nemesis. My little sister makes cakes and cookies look so easy, but everytime I try I don't even get the dough right.

>> No.4312871

>>4312562
i'm going to need more information because that sounds fucking retarded

>> No.4312882

>>4312662
Same here, I tried to make spice cookies and ended up making gingerbread (I guess they were like pfeffernusse without the icing) but it was a happy accident because I prefer gingerbread anyway. Cookies hurt my teeth.

>> No.4312899

I am very skilled at most everything cooking wise, besides cooking rice. I have no idea why besides the fact that I don't enjoy rice as most people.

My rice either always comes out hard or way too soft/moist. Doesn't help my (also white) smarterthanu shit cook friend always tells me "the perfect ratio" everytime I share this with him.

>> No.4313055
File: 16 KB, 362x344, 1270469833504.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4313055

>Be in highschool cooking class
>Taught how to make spagetti bolognaise
>"I'm going to make this for mum tonight"
>Get home and check ingredients
>We have everything I need
>Later that night, cook fantastic pasta and sauce
>Start grating cheese into a dish
>Down to last little piece
> Accidentally grate skin off knuckles into bowl
>Can't throw it out because we don't have any cheese left.
>mfw someone ate my skin

>> No.4313071
File: 13 KB, 400x400, 1363039320113.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4313071

>try to make cream cheese stuffed jalapenos wrapped in baacon
>spend almost an hour slicing and prepping peppers and cheese
>wrap those mofos in bacon
>skewer with toothpicks
>start up grill
>start grilling peppers
>walk away for a few minutes
>come back
>open grill
>entire surface of grill is on fire
>singe hairs off my arms opening lid
>peppers are turned to charcoal

>> No.4313074

>>4312662
Use the recipe on the Butter Flavored Crisco package
Bake 8-10 minutes

>> No.4313076

I overcooked rice in a pot ;_;

>> No.4313091

>Try to make chili rellenos
>Grill poblanos
>Skin them
>SO FAR SO GOOD
>Cut them open and seed them through slit
>Okay I can do this
>Cut
>Attempt to scrape seeds out
>Seeds everywhere
>Fuck up
>Chilis have tears everywhere
>Attempt to put some cheese in
>Chilis are now falling apart
>Give up
>Cut into parts, throw cheese on top and throw in oven
>It was still pretty tasty

>> No.4313093

>bake Our Lady of Drowning Sorrows cake (has 9 candy bars melted into the batter) for family gathering
>comes out perfectly, family talks about it for weeks
>bake sale fundraiser for local kid with cancer
>aunt suggests I bake the cake for the auction, it's sure to sell well
>prepare it in exactly the same way, same pan even
>comes out black and heavy as a brick, hasn't risen at all
>double check i added all the ingredients
>sure did, don't have enough material to make a second cake

I felt awful that I couldn't contribute and to this day have no idea what went wrong

>> No.4313096

>>4313093

FYI it's Our Lady of Drown Your Sorrows, not Drowning.

Also written as Our Lady of (Drown Your) Sorrows.

>> No.4313105

When I got promoted to prep cook at my first restaurant job, my chef told me to make beer cheese soup. He explained what it was to me and how to make it. I got it right until I threw an entire three pound block of cheese in without grating it first. I just figured it would melt. I stand there for 10 minutes trying to break it up with a spoon, it's not working. Let it cook some more, pull it out with tongs and throw it on a cutting board splashing soup everywhere, frantically trying to cut it into smaller pieces before anybody noticed what I was doing. threw it back in and turned up the heat. Ended up burning it and the cheese never all melted. It all got thrown away.

>> No.4313117

>Volunteer to make family dinner
>I'm going to make broiled salmon!
>Holy shit wait what kind of salmon do I buy?
>Do I want a fillet or steaks or what?
>Holy shit fillets are big, how do I cook this?
>Man I don't know how to prepare these ingredients for this recipe.
>I've never used a broiled before, I don't even know what broiling is.
>Oh fuck I put the glaze on before broiling it!
>Turns out just fine.

Everything went better than expected.

>Oh fuck I should make a side dish.
>Somehow manage to ruin mashed potatoes.

Fuck.

>> No.4313129

>oven preheated
>open it
>derp
>all the food is now spread over the oven door
>cry
>turn off oven and go to Wendy's

>> No.4313148

>be 14
>pissed at parents for some puberty-related argument
>feel all ashamed like i didn't get my fair say
>moms stirring mashed potatoes
>dad's pan frying pork loin
>spit my chewing gum into the mashed potatoes in adolescent protest
>nobodynotices.avi
>the dinner turned out fine

everybody at the table:

"did you put mint in your potatoes?"
and, "gotta give me that recipe for those potatoes!"
ect,

>> No.4313161

I don't know what I did wrong, but the last time I made chili it caused me severe GI upset and stomach pain. I used the same recipe I've used plenty of times before, only difference was I didn't soak the beans as long as I normally do. I ended up throwing the whole pot out.

>> No.4313162

>Inviting a friend to have lunch with me
>Decide to cook for her
>She asks me if I need help
>"No I'm fine, don't worry"
>Ready lunch
>Dog suddendly tries to have sex with my leg
>Food fall from my hands
>Dog leaves my leg and goes to eat the fallen food
>"Well, shit. What are we going to cook now?"
>She laughs out of loud
Well, shit. Yes, she already friendzoned me, but that's another story.

>> No.4313164

>>4312483

I believe that, like most people, I thought champ was short for champion, most often used sarcastically.

>> No.4313169

>>4313162

You're fucking pathetic.

>> No.4313170

>'that special someone' wants to come to my apartment to talk and shit
>want to make some cool ass rice
>leave it on the stove
>close eyes for 2 minutes
>3 hours passes
>shit's fucked up
>try to clean
>order from chinese restaurant
>pretend that I cooked
>she comes
>"anon, this is pretty good! you made it?"
;_;

>> No.4313172

>>4312899
>I used to cook perfect rice all the time in just a saucepan
>then I got a rice cooker and it was just as good
>then my rice cooker broke down
>I went back to the saucepan
>I went full retard
>I went to the store and bought a new rice cooker

>> No.4313199

>>4313162
>2013
>not turning the tables on the dog by humping it while maintaining eye contact with "friend" to prove how alpha you are and fuck her finally
>shiggy diggy doo da day

>> No.4313202
File: 6 KB, 409x259, 1360290200769.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4313202

>>4313148
You fucking deepshit!

>> No.4313203

>>4312899
Same. I can't cook rice for shit and my mother is always telling me how it should be done. I KNOW HOW IT SHOULD BE DONE IT JUST DOESNT EVER WORK FOR ME OK!

>> No.4313221

>make vanilla ice cream with expensive polynesian vanilla
>best ice cream of my life
>yesterday, decide to make a slightly bigger batch
>trying to remember how much salt to use
>remember wrong, add 1tsp instead of 1/4tsp
>ice cream is salty and inedible
>wasted really expensive vanilla
>no ice cream until new vanilla arrives

>> No.4313223

>>4313221
Could you not have saved it and just made a larger batch with what you already have?

>> No.4313229

>>4313223
Ice cream machine isn't big enough for that, and I have no more vanilla, and I'm almost out of cream and eggs so yeah. I still have the mixture though and I might try to salvage it but I'm pretty sure the milk/cream/sugar/salt mix has already bonded with the eggs when the custard was heated and that it won't make a lick of difference how much I dilute it now.

>> No.4313243

>>4313071
wow babbys first grill

grill to hot? dont touch it
grill to cold? make hot

easy fucker you suck enjoy burnt food.

bet you put a gallon of starter fluid on those 'american BBQ coals' or even worse, TESLA GAS GRILL

>> No.4313248

>>4313071
you will learn, young faggot. or not plz die

>> No.4313327

>>4313243
>>4313248
this kid. sooooo mad.

>> No.4313329

Thing is OP, I never prepare a dish for people without testing it on myself and a bro or two. Never go wildcard.

>> No.4313335

>>4313071
Let me guess, you put them in the center

>> No.4313340

>>4312662
>first time making cookies
>too much heat
>too much sodium bicarbonate
>comes out as a dark, eggy, 2 feet long cookie

>> No.4313341

I put a rice cooker into the oven once.

>> No.4313342

>>4313162
lol nerd

>> No.4313345

>Right at this very second
>Want to make some pancakes since I just found out how to make them without eggs
>Go downstairs
>I can't see a single square inch of countertop
>Can't even see the sink
>Can see just a touch of the oven between the burners
>Fucking room mates

Not exactly shame but I needed to bitch about it somewhere.

>> No.4313356

>>4312685
Cooking is art, but baking is science.
I tried making a New York Cheesecake.
In the end it was some kind of liquid that tasted like fish.

>> No.4313362

>>4313356
>Cooking is art, but baking is science.

Yes, because measuring things to the nearest tsp or so is really scientific.

>> No.4313363
File: 479 KB, 2448x2115, snerr.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4313363

>wake up extremelly hung over
>left over pancake mix
>decide to try something different
>coat slices of bread in pancake mix
>oil in pan
>try to fry them and cook the pancake mix on the outside of the bread
>turned out half cooked, soggy and barely edible
>wasted perfectly good pancake mix and bread

>> No.4313368

>>4313362
It is quite scientific if you compare it to cooking.

>> No.4313386

>>4313362
Making noodles is science. Measure to the gram (if it says 2 grams, you use 2.0 grams), mix flours till you have the correct protein content. Do it wrong and you don't have noodles.

>> No.4313387

Overcooked rice which needed redoing. Then whilst redoing that I overcooked the prawns in thai fish curry. Could hardly look my guests in their eyes.

>> No.4313392

>>4313363
In your defense that seems like it would totally work

>> No.4313489

>>4313329
That's very good advice. Duly noted.

>> No.4313525

>Making pancakes from those "just add water" mixes
>misread "3/4 cup water" as "3-4 cups"
>What is this watery shit?

>> No.4313549

fucked up my rice last night. was so mad all night fuck. crunchy as all fuck just terrible

was thinking of salvaging it by making fried rice and beef but i have no soy sauce.

help me /ck/

>> No.4313558

Had my parents over for dinner. My dad is a chef.

Fucked up the risotto, undercooked it. dad explained to me exactly where i went wrong, how the recipe was shit anyway an if i'd like to wait with my mother he'd re-do the dish asap.
it was delicious :(

>> No.4313568

>>4312483
Fucking Gordon Ramsey

>makin a steak
>get my pan super hot
>add oil
>BURST INTO FLAMES
>put out fire with extinguisher, broiled tomatoes and gravy all chilllin on the stove is ruined
>fakin sheet

>> No.4313569

>>4313558
I would have walked in the kitchen with him to learn how to make it properly.

>> No.4313656

>>4313362
i know you think youre being clever.........but youre not

>> No.4313728

>>4313335
No, too much heat and I made the mistake of not paying attention.
Tried them again a couple weeks later, low heat and watched them vigilantly, came out perfect.

>> No.4313791

>drunk last night, feel like a salad
>I know, let's make salad dressing for first time ever
>who needs recipes, right?
>
>extra virgin olive oil (lots)
>red wine vinegar (that looks about the right amount)
>garlic (can never have too much garlic)
>onion (chopped as fine as possible)
>coriander and basil (the only fresh herbs I have)
>a green chili (chopped fine)
>lime juice
>honey
>white pepper
>stir like crazy
>dip spinach leaf in it to taste
>okay internet, where did I go wrong...
>...
>what the fuck is this 3 to 1 ratio bullshit?

I just added a load more oil and it was kind of okay though.

>> No.4313831
File: 67 KB, 400x268, burned-cookies.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4313831

I was drinking one night,and had the wonderful idea to bake cookies.I cant bake....even while sober.My partner and learned to live with burnt baked goods.So i mix up a batch of cookies put them on the pan, put them in the oven.When it came time to take them out of the oven,being as shitfaced as i was didn't think i needed oven mits.So i tried to pull out the oven rack with my bare hands.I ended up with a massive burn on my hand, and a pile of burnt cookies that tasted like butter,salt and self pity.Fml.

>> No.4314383

>>4313568
>get my pan super hot
>add oil

There's your problem. Put cold oil in a cold pan and heat them together. Once you see it shimmering, it's ready.

>> No.4314385

>>4314383
That is the traditional advice for a saute, but it's not sufficient for properly browning a steak.

OP probably either spilled/splattered oil or had the pan far too hot before putting the food in.

>> No.4314895
File: 32 KB, 449x449, 1337428820790.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4314895

>Trying to make marshmallow fondant
>Recipe says it won't be too sticky
>This shit is stickier than super glue
>Try my hardest to get it off
>Just gets stickier
>Both of my hands are now stuck into the fondant
>Get knife stuck
>Get food coloring stuck
>Fat ass cat waiting for me to move so he can get to his food
>Get cat stuck to fondant
>Finally just give up and wash it off

Felt like I was in a fucking Katamari game.

>> No.4314947

>>4314895
i just about shit myself, this made me laugh so hard.
i love you

>> No.4314996

>>4312483
How the fuck do you mess up champ. It's basically just mashed potatoes with some spring onions added in.

>> No.4315001
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4315001

>Attempt to make potato soup for the first time
>Burn the fuck out of the roux
>Don't realize it
>Finish making soup
>It all tastes like fucking carbon
>Pot is completely destroyed
>MFW

>> No.4315006

>>4312516
This is why you always add the liquid in increments anon. That was you can stop yourself before you go past the point of no return. Next time eh?

>> No.4315019

>>4313055

Yessss...I'm inside of you now Mom...