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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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4278564 No.4278564 [Reply] [Original]

How do I make a jalapeno? I've tried the premade stuff but it's just not the same as what you get at a restaurateur like Chili's. I'm trying to figure it out, but the dough always comes out really dry without having that vague sweet taste behind the hotness. I can't find any guides for it online and I'm feeling sort of stupid. How do I make them?

>> No.4278568

What the fuck are you trying to ask exactly?

You make jalapenos by planting the seed an nurturing it into a plant.

>> No.4278578

>>4278568
I know how to get the hot bits, but how do I make a whole jalapeno? The hardest part has been the glaze. I've made it out of verde spanish sauce. It always soaks the crust and it never ends up shiny.

>> No.4278583
File: 24 KB, 640x480, 957.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4278583

>> No.4278582

>>4278578
Dude, are you trying to make jalapeno poppers? A jalapeno is a plant, what you put in your pic IS the whole jalapeno.

>> No.4278587

>>4278582
Is that the technical term? That would explain why my google searches have failed. All of the pictures are the brown kind. I'm trying to make a green jalapeno.

>> No.4278593

What the fuck even.

>> No.4278595

>>4278587
...dude

That's like trying to ask, "How do I make a tomato?"

Are you looking for stuffed jalapenos? pickled? poppers? corn bread?

Seriously...

>> No.4278599

>>4278564
You need to add avocado to your mix in order to get the green glossy look. A small amount of sugar and a lot of green hot sauce is what gives it the flavor. You will have to buy the seeds separately unless you plan on spending weeks on curing them, and getting the seeds in it can really be a problem. That's why you have to use the plant technique.

>> No.4278603

this is one of the dumbest conversations i've ever seen

>> No.4278605

Whatever you do, DO NOT PUT IT ON CHICKEN.

You will make deadly sarin gas if you do this.

>> No.4278611

>>4278595
Just normal jalapenos. I don't need to make a tomato, that would be absurd, it's a freaking tomato.

>> No.4278613

>>4278599
Fuck you, avocado will turn to brown unless you add a fuckton of acid. Use a puree of a seeded tomatillo mixed with some corn starch for the gloss. That's where the jalapeno gets it's fruitiness.

>> No.4278616

Usually I just cut up some bell peppers and turn those into jalapenos

>> No.4278615

>>4278564
10/10 post.

>> No.4278622

>>4278613

This.

>using avocado to make your jalapenos
Jesus

>> No.4278620

>>4278611
How much acid have you taken, anon?

>> No.4278619
File: 85 KB, 400x342, 889.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4278619

>>4278599

>> No.4278625

I can get everything but the stem.

I've tried everything from green beans to rolled up baby spinach, I just can't get it.

>> No.4278628
File: 87 KB, 600x400, 10805_pickled_jalapenos_600.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4278628

>>4278582
>>4278568
He is talking about pickled jalapenos.

>glaze
its just wet.

>> No.4278629
File: 81 KB, 500x329, shitpost.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4278629

>>4278605
>huehuehue i'm forcing this meeemeee and no one can stop me!

>> No.4278630

>>4278622
>using avocado to make a jalapeno

Are you a fucking taco bell worker or something? Do you know how much acid you have to use to keep an avocado jalapeno green? No flavor at all.

>> No.4278636

>>4278630

That's what I was saying, learn to reading comprehension.

>> No.4278637

If you're gonna use the planting method, there's a secret most people won't tell you to get them nice and juicy. You need to dig a hole down a few inches, drop the seed in, then whip your dick out and fuck the hole. Now this is where it gets tricky, you have to cum. The seed needs to be fertilized properly, and human fertilization yields the best results. Trust me, OP, I'm a jalapenologist. I've spent my life fucking the dirt to get the best jalapenos.

>> No.4278639

>>4278564

What for? That shit taste like taste.

>> No.4278640
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4278640

I...

What the fuck?

>> No.4278644

aaaand it's time for bed

>> No.4278647
File: 18 KB, 300x300, american simulator.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4278647

>>4278637

>> No.4278649
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4278649

>making the stem
FUUUUUUUUUUU
IT TOOK ME AN HOUR TO MAKE ONE. HOW DO THEY DO IT SO QUICKLY AAAARGFUU

>> No.4278656

>>4278613
>>4278622
>>4278630

you toast the avocado first to denature the enzyme that browns it

>> No.4278665
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4278665

>>4278656

>> No.4278670

hahaha oh shit. It's too hard that you make me laugh /ck/

>> No.4278681

Everybody in this thread is insane. Obviously a daddy jalapeno puts his thing in a mommy jalapeno and a few months later boom! A new jalapeno is made.

>> No.4278693
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4278693

>>4278647
oh lord, that file name!

>> No.4279955

you have to use some mustards

>> No.4279959
File: 57 KB, 313x293, american_beer_gourmet.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4279959

just get a jalapeno mix at walmart, they taste exactly like the home made stuff

>> No.4279975

>this fucking thread
I can't wait for 3d printers

>> No.4281075

my head hurts so damn much right now....

>> No.4281077
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4281077

>>4278693
that dog winked at me

>> No.4281096
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4281096

I... What?

>> No.4281105 [DELETED] 
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4281105

+ fuckin 1 for this thread.

>> No.4281108
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4281108

hahhaa is this the birth of an EPIC NEW MEME? xD

>> No.4281351

>>4278649
source on that gif?

>> No.4281751
File: 49 KB, 613x533, what-the-fuck-am-I-reading1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4281751

What the fuck is going on in this thread?

>> No.4281800

>>4278564
make sure you ferment the seeds and let the dough rise before you add the avocado. a dash of lime added before you bake it really enhances the flavor, like better than what they can cook at most restaurants. and DO NOT add the glaze til after it's fully cooked. that gives it that nice sheen.

hope this helps.
my dad is mexican so i know what im talking about btw

>> No.4281804
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4281804

>>4281800
second this. Pic related, these came out perfect.

>> No.4281823

>>4281804
did you grow those cigarettes? or did they develop naturally?

>> No.4281828
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4281828

>>4281804

>> No.4281834

>>4281804
>cereals with jalapeno
way to waste a nice homemade jalapeno, pleb

>> No.4281844

>>4281804
Does this recipe work with untipped cigarettes?

>> No.4281891

>>4279975
To print jalapenos?

>> No.4284423

You must first invent the universe.

>> No.4284473

>>4278647
>american simulator
lol'd.