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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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4066631 No.4066631 [Reply] [Original]

ITT: Recipes that you got from the interwebs that turned out to be horrible

>> No.4066632

EVERY. SINGLE. SALSA. RECIPE.

I have tried dozens, they're all shit.

>> No.4066636
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4066636

It was incredibly salty, had no little texture and just very little taste at all. Honestly you're better off just going in dry.

>> No.4066637
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4066637

Why are people so against just using a frying pan? I mean for fucks sake, are you so scared of cooking like a man that you'll use dumbass inventions to make terrible food?

>> No.4066641

I've never got a good recipe from the internet to be completely honest. I don't know if I'm going to the wrong places but everything is either bland health food garbage or butter-laden, oily, salty "Southern" shit. Nothing rides that middle line.

>> No.4066645
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4066645

Got a speghetti recipe from some mommy website. It was fucking gross. Tasted pedestrian as fuck.

>> No.4066646
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4066646

>>4066645
>getting spaghetti recipe from the internet

What is wrong with you?

>> No.4066650

i've gotten recipes from the internet that i didn't look up. however it wasn't from one of these images. the idea behind the recipe i found: make a pocket in chicken breasts and fill it with cream cheese. was tasty.

>> No.4066656

>>4066645
I dont understand how people cannot tell if a recipe is going to be good or bad by reading it

sorry 4 da double negatives but basically,
I understand how people tell if a recipe is going to be good or bad by reading it

>> No.4066668

>>4066656
What, you can tell how something is going to taste just by reading the recipe? Are you some kind of autistic chef savant?

Also more than half of the time people don't follow the recipe exaclty. If you look at the comments it's always, "Turned out poorly, I used Greek yoghurt instead of lard though" or some shit like that

>> No.4066673

>>4066637
See, we'd toast it, put the cheese on, and then melt it in the microwave.
I recall it being very soggy compared to the real thing.

>> No.4066676

>>4066637
Lazyfags who learned how to use the toaster really young and don't want to put in the effort to learn how to use a proper frypan.

>> No.4066679

>>4066656
There are always those telltale signs.

>puts great emphasis on a specific brand being the special ingredient (e.g. "You must use Hunt's tomato sauce")
>calls for ingredients not typically found in that food (e.g. American cheese in a lasagna)
>uses incredibly small or large measurements (e.g. 1/8 tsp. of cumin in a pot of chili or 2 cups of brown sugar in a recipe that yields 3 cups of barbecue sauce total)
>the recipe is on foodnetwork.com, allrecipes.com, cooks.com, etc.
>is written by Sandra Lee, Rachael Ray, etc.
>recipe has a name in the title "Oprah's Peanut Butter Cookies"
>recipe is condescending and begins by telling you that "You've been doing it wrong" (get bent, CHOW.com)
>recipe is for raw meat and says to salt to taste (obviously if it were meatballs this is possible by frying one, but I'm talking about roasting a whole pork shoulder. the rule is generally 1 tsp. per pound of boneless meat. if the recipe doesn't employ the rule, then it's bust)

I could go on and on.

>> No.4066723

>>4066679
I've made a few things off allrecipes.com, and I'll agree.. They are all shit. HOLY. FUCK. Some of those disasters I was able to save luckily.

NEVER AGAIN.

>> No.4066728

>>4066637
This is stupid to begin with, toasters have racks that slide in from the sides to hold the toast in place, it would smush down into the cheese and you'd get burnt cheese everywhere in your toaster and start a fire.

>> No.4066749

I've tried that Peanut butter/egg/sugar cookie recipe and while it doesn't make fire, the cookies are nothing to write home about.

I tried a brandy-soaked chocolate coated cranberries recipe that did a LOT of really dumb things (the fact that it was from Oprah's site should have tipped me off). They tell you to steep whole cranberries in a syrup/lemon-juice mixture, but only for a minute (cranberries are watertight, that won't do shit), then completely toss out the syrup. Fucking stupid.

Most of the food network recipes are crap. Alton Brown's aren't terrible but they're still hit or miss, and they're transcribed wrong a lot.

>> No.4066750

>>4066723
Really?

You can pretty much have a good idea of how something will turn out just by reading the recipe first. You should never be that surprised.

I followed one recipe against my better judgement and it turned out shit... and it was by that Food Network guy. What's his name, restaurant impossible or whatever.

>> No.4066787

That oreo inside a cookie recipe. Mine just sunk.

>> No.4066808
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4066808

I've never gotten a bad recipe from the internet. You just have to keep an eye out for the good and bad ones, and the bad ones are easily avoidable.

If you're on places like allrecipes or foodnetwork, just look for five-star recipes and avoid anything that doesn't have reviews. It's not hard.

>> No.4066814

>>4066808
So, you HAVE gotten bad ones, you just weren't enough of an idiot to actually make them.

>> No.4066825

Alton Brown's ribs came out waay too chewy, despite using a cooking thermometer and a lot of sauce.

An allrecipes stuffed chicken breast recipe turned out pretty meh. Against my better judgement I just baked them like it said instead of pan frying.


It seems that my best dishes so far have come from me winging it or getting the recipes from /ck/.

>> No.4066830

>>4066679
>>the recipe is on foodnetwork.com, allrecipes.com, cooks.com, etc.

no need to be a recipe hipster. I've had a lot of luck with Alton Brown's recipes on foodnetwork.com and have found they've been good "starting points" to start tweaking and coming up with my own stuff

>> No.4066837

>>4066814
Well, when I say "gotten" I meant recipes I printed out and made, so yes.

>> No.4066847

>>4066825
>It seems that my best dishes so far have come from me winging it
Exactly. Recipes are guidelines. You have to apply some common sense and knowledge as well. Ingredients vary, so there's no way you'll produce identical results.

Going by all your senses will usually lead to success unless it's something technical like baking. I'd like to add to the list above:

>baking recipe uses volume instead of weight

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope...

I made a chili a few months ago. Spices went in at small increments, and I kept a tally of how many times I used them. I totaled them up, converted them to more convenient measurements (3 tsp. became 1 Tbsp.), tidied it up, and printed it out. I now have a chili recipe that I know works using the ingredients that I have reliable access to. I'll never have to repeat this process as long as the ingredients don't change.

THAT is a real recipe.

>> No.4066850

>>4066830
>good "starting points" to start tweaking
So what you're saying is that they're no good.

Gotcha.