/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.4019998]

I just fucked up my personal recipe of fried red peppers. can we have a failed food thread?

[Anonymous No.4020008]

>try making brownies
>put electric mixer in bowl
>still using it
>pull it out while it's on
>brownies splatter everywhere
>mfw

[Anonymous No.4020076]

>try to make caramel to pour on peanuts
>heat pot
>pour in sour
>OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT
>Metal spoon stick in pot
>flipping the fuck out
>Pour hot water in pot in a panic
>Starts to dissolves slowly
>unclench my butthole
>Poo seeps out
>Pour a bowl of chex and never try this again

[Anonymous No.4020079]

>tired as fuck
>haven't eaten for days
>all I have home is some spaghetti, canned crushed tomatoes and onion
>get my ass up and make a huge batch enough for several meals
>took way too long
>finally done
>walk into room with all of it
>slip and drop everything all over my guitar amp
>food spoiled
>amp spoiled

I cried

[Anonymous No.4020099]

>creaming together butter and muscovado sugar
>thought the muscovado sugar seemed a bit too packed together while weighing it
>"oh well it'll separate once i mix it in"
>solid clumps of sugar jam my goddamn hand mixer
>try to disintegrate the lumps in the bowl with my fingers
>it doesn't work
>10 fruitless minutes later i am frustrated and standing in kitchen with my arms covered in melting butter and nasty hard sugar lumps
>turn around to go wash it off
>mixer unjams itself and splatters mixture all over the kitchen

[Anonymous No.4020103]

>>4020079

[Anonymous No.4020107]

this one time iwas trying to make pea soup and ended up making garlic soup instead. no matter how much broth, water, and peas i added i couldnt dilute the garlic from the mix. it was disappointing.

[Anonymous No.4020112]

>>4020107
properly prepared garlic soup is amazing though

[Anonymous No.4020118]

>>4020112
Yeah. Doesn't sound like he roasted that shit first. Which, you know, kind of changes things.

[Anonymous No.4020125]

>>4019998
I have too many stories. Here's one I remember hurting quite a bit:

>making chicken fried steak for the hundredth time
>having corn on the cob and mashed potatoes and gravy with it
>get the idea to add some chili powder to the flour
>goes into the oil
>minutes later the spices are causing it to burn
>the house stinks
>no delicious chicken fried steak OR gravy
>"fuck it, I'll eat vegetarian tonight"
>just finished squeezing potatoes through the ricer
>going to add some butter and cream
>potatoes are still too hot
>cream curdles immediately
>looks like vomit
>eat corn on the cob for dinner

[Anonymous No.4020126]

>make coconut prawns
>make batter
>roll prawns in batter
>roll better in coconut
>fry
>everything falls apart in the oil leaving black oil and fried prawn

okay.jpeg

>add more flour to help it stick together
>battered prawn patties inflate into ... balls?
>check label
>self-raising flour

I convinced the husband it was "ebiyaki".

[Anonymous No.4020135]

>making black bean soup in pressure cooker
>add all the meats and the beans
>close cooker and turn on high heat
>25 mins and no amazing smell yet
>remember I forgot to add water/stock

It looked exactly like tar, I kid you not

[Anonymous No.4020164]

something went horribly wrong with this batch of rice and ketchup

[Anonymous No.4020170]

>>4020164
instead of using ketchup try siracha sauce it's just as cheap and it makes rice taste fucking amazing. in case you don't know what it looks like here's a picture man.

[Anonymous No.4020174]

>>4020164
You need coleslaw.

[Anonymous No.4020175]

>>4020164
Something went boringly wrong with this repost of a repost.

[Anonymous No.4020178]

>>4020135
ohmysides.jpg

[Anonymous No.4020182]

>go to supermarket
>buy a thing of wings
>think they're already precooked
>ask guy and he tells me they are
>just start eating them without cooking them because i'm fucking starving
>next day i feel horrible
>find out i have salmonella
>mfw

[Anonymous No.4020202]

>>4020182
>cant tell the difference between cooked and uncooked meat

[Anonymous No.4020208]

>>4020202
there was no pink in it and it wasn't slimy. i literally check everything.

[Yakitori No.4020463]

> trying to make homemade buttercream frosting
> be dumbass; use granulated sugar instead of confectioner's sugar
> try to frost cake with what is essentially buttery, grainy sugar
> absolute failure

Another:

> making ranch mix chili because it is god-tier chili
> follow directions to the letter, feelin' good
> put all ingredients in pot, cover
> half an hour or maybe forty-five minutes later, smells like something is burning
> but thats unpossible
> check chili
> forgot to add additional water while beans were simmering; bottom is completely burnt, and nasty-smelling hellsmoke billows out every time I stir the beans

[Anonymous No.4020685]

>>4020208
Were they treated in any way? Battered or anything?

[Anonymous No.4021502]

bump

[Anonymous No.4022196]

>frying smelts
>dont let them sit long enough to crisp up
>they all completley fall apart when they get flipped
>flip the fuck out
>use it to make fish tacos
>hate myself for ruining those smelts

fuck i was mad i couldn't dip my crisp floured smelts fried in butter in seafood sauce....yeah yeah, seafood sauce, its a childhood thing i do

[Anonymous No.4022280]

Today, make sweet yeasted citrus rolls, dough is perfect, tastes of nothing because I didnt use eniugh sugar or lemon zest. Delicious, but needed more flava.

[Anonymous No.4022481]

>attempting to make apple cinnamon muffins
>apples not diced small enough
>"Batter's usually supposed to be lumpy, right?"
>layer in muffin tin and bake
>dry, lumpy as shit, all different sizes, look like cat vomit
They didn't taste bad at all, so I ate them, but my God were they fugly.

[Anonymous No.4022544]

>>4022280
>make sweet yeasted citrus rolls

Absurd that you can't get a good sweet roll, in this *skeeverhole* of a city.

[Anonymous No.4022556]

>decide to cook up huge batch of chilli
>using new cooker I bought
>have it on the 2nd lowest setting
>mfw it scorches the bottom layer almost immediately and when I unkowingly stir it black charcoal is then spread all throughout the rest of the still raw chilli
>pour carefully into new pot keeping burned stuff mostly out
>still ruined and bitter


that was like $60 worth of food right there, I went hungry that night.

[Anonymous No.4022605]

>melting sugar to spin it
>in a rush making other dishes
>have assortment of seasonings every where and tons of pots on stove
>go to add salt to one dish that needs it
>add it to the sugar
>taste the dish i thought i added salt to
>needs more salt
>add it to the sugar another 10 times
>spinning sugar
>taste some spun sugar
>oh god it's terrible

although this isn't the right thread i had burnt myself with the sugar
>put pot of hot sugar in sink
>drop knife in while it's still hot
>go to grab it out of suhar
>burn my hand like hell
>off work for 3 weeks

[Anonymous No.4022916]

>>4020079
Aww man, I can feel that. I was in a bad mood and made an omelette with bacon, was gonna flip that shit in the air like I used to do. Stand over the sink IN CASE, in the flip, the handle broke and everything went in the shitty sink. Screamed and hammered my fists on the counter.

[Anonymous No.4022923]

>>4022556
$60 for a pot of chili? Were you using filet mignon or something? Nothing in chili should cost that much.

[Anonymous No.4022931]

>>4022923
i often spend that much or more when i make a big ol pot of chili.

[Anonymous No.4022993]

>>4022931
You should definitely stop adding gold flakes to your chili, then.

[Anonymous No.4023010]

>decide to cook up huge batch of chilli

>>4022993
Maybe he is talking about really much chili?