/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.3856419]

Cooking full retard moments

Can be from yourself or other people

>Starting university
>Going to kitchens to make myself some dinner
>These two rich kids are cooking something, probably their first time
>"Hey anon can you tell us why our pasta keeps on burning?"
>They were trying to cook it without water
>mfw

[Anonymous No.3856492]

>eat spaghetti
>get a brilliant idea
>start shoveling it into a toaster
>mom comes back from the phone
>hfw
To be fair I was like 4

[Anonymous No.3856560]

Let me start off by saying that my family eats its meat well done, so every meal is full retard by /ck/ standards but I've got no chance of changing that fact. Anyway
>Cooking something on the grill
>Prepare to take it off
>"No Anon, I don't want raw meat!"
>cut open a piece to show that it is quite clearly cooked all the fucking way through.
>"Leave it on for a little longer anyway"
>sigh, do so, then serve meal 5-10 minutes later
>"This meat is dry..."

This same shit happens every time I cook with someone in the house so I generally keep everyone the hell out of the kitchen while I'm using it. I don't tell you how to cook, so please let me do my thing.

[RF360 !!s1shuD45usb No.3856574]

Late night, a little sleepy

>I like lassi - yogurt and milk. Simple and comforting.
>I also like microwaving my milk - warms it up, releases those wonderful tannins, and next thing I know I'm snoring

>maybe microwave lassi?

Ahahahahaha.
I had to clean that up. Guess what separated.

[Anonymous No.3856577]

Not really a retard moment but someone I know was frying steak and he literally had the entire pan stuffed full. The steak just boiled. No caramelisation or anything. It killed me inside.

[Anonymous No.3856600]

>>3856560
I grew up inna house exactly like this

[Anonymous No.3856635]

>boil some eggs
>leave cooked eggs in pot with cold water
>for unknown reasons put pot in freezer
>looking for eggs later
>think housemate got to the damn pot
>look in freezer for unrelated item
>face palm

Had a solid block of ice with 5 eggs in them, took a solid day to get them out but the texture was weird so I threw them out.

[Anonymous No.3856643]

>>3856635
Oh fuck you. Now I want to try once frozen eggs.

[Anonymous No.3856857]

I hate how much sauce my brother uses in pasta. He never really cooks but whenever he does it always really simple shit, but anyway.

>Cook myself some pasta after a long day at work, just want to shovel in some food and sleep
>He sees I made some, asks me to make him some
>"Sorry bro, I'm super tired can you do it yourself?"
>He agrees too
>Puts the pasta and the water in the pot at the same time
>Cooks the noodles for like 25mins
>When he thinks they're really he puts about 1/2 the fucking jar (maybe more) all over it
>Puts about 1/4 the container of parm. cheese on it as well

I felt fucking disgusted watching him eat it, it practically made me stop eating my own meal.

[Anonymous No.3856868]

>>3856857
>Puts the pasta and the water in the pot at the same time
There is no way that means what I think it means. Right? RIGHT?!

[Anonymous No.3856870]

>>3856857
how old is your brother?
I could fucking make homemade pasta when i was eight
be a better big bro and pass on some smarts

[Anonymous No.3856928]

>Mom and dad invite my brother and I over for dinner
>Arrive on time
>Dad started drinking beer a little too early
>Kinda drunk
>Forgot to take the steaks out of the freezer
>Says, "BAH don't worry about it"
>Tosses a stack of frozen steaks on the grill
>"I'll put the heat on low so they thaw out"
>"Leave it to me"
>Whatever - the ball game is on
>Watch the game
>Hmm, haven't seen dad in about an hour
>Go outside to check on him
>He's asleep
>Steaks are burnt to a crisp
>Well, where do you want to go for dinner?
>Giant crab claw comes crashing through the ceiling
>We all go to Joe's Crab Shack

[Anonymous No.3856946]

After reading this thread I'm really glad my mom taught me to cook. I thought it was the norm until I went to uni.

[Anonymous No.3856950]

>>3856946
Bet you're glad she taught you to do the laundry too. Seriously, what's up with people not knowing how to do basic things like that?

[Anonymous No.3856957]

>>3856928

[Anonymous No.3856991]

>>3856950
It's the McDonalds generation.

[Anonymous No.3857004]

>Make myself a nice omelet on morning
>Leave spatula in pan
>Eat omelet, delicious as fuck
>Go back to kitchen
>Walk by stove top
>"Hmm, one side of me suddenly got warm."
>Look at pan
>Realized I left the stove top on
>Plastic spatula is melted, completely unusable.

Christ I can be such a retard.

[Anonymous No.3857008]

>starts grill and immediately plonks steaks on it
>no preheating
ughhhh

>puts frozen pizza in oven
>no preheating
>always forgets to remove the cardboard from under it

i get nervous watching my friends cook

[Anonymous No.3857009]

>>3856950
I've never been to a laundrette in my life. I dread the day I'm going to have to because it's gonna be embarassing as fuck.

[Anonymous No.3857013]

>>3857009
>laundrette
You mean a laundromat? It's like a vending machine for clothes, anyone with half a brain should be able to figure it out by looking at the machine and around the shop. I'm talking about not knowing to separate whites from colors or washing colors in hot water and the like.

[Anonymous No.3857031]

>decide to try smoked salmon for first time ever
>no idea how people prepare it or what is supposed to be done
>buy some and bring it home to cook. (hang in there)
>heat up a skillet and lay the fish on there
>salt it. liberally. with large crystals because I saw Gordon Ramsay do it
>no idea it's already salted
>derp derp derp
>Plate and take a bite
>mfw
>mfw
>mfw

Ate all of it while drinking a FUCKTON of water.
Still traumatized.

[Anonymous No.3857036]

>>3857031
>cooking smoked salmon

[Anonymous No.3857084]

>dumb roommate making tuna helper
>watch as he tries to make it better by adding extra ingredients
>adds can of black olives
>adds can of mushrooms
>adds can of corn
>adds several tablespoons of minced garlic
>adds worchestire
>adds raw onions
>adds probly 12 slices of american cheese, lets them melt in
>skillet is now almost overflowing
>eats a little
>fills several tupperwares with remainder, never touches it
>mfw

[Anonymous No.3857092]

>>3857031
The idea with smoked salmon is that its so good that you inhale it and devour it all before you can even think about applying heat to it.

[Anonymous No.3857096]

This is probably the worst I've done

>wake up, groggy
>there's pizza in a box in the fridge from last night
>put carboard pizza box on top of stove, putt two slices or something on a pan and turn the oven on
>leave the room
>smoke alarms
>my brother is dealing with a fire in the sink
>I turned the burner on top of the oven on, not the oven

[Anonymous No.3857108]

>cooking fried rice for the first time, following a recipe
>it calls for chilled rice, so I put a bag of rice in the fridge for a while
>fry rice for half an hour, frustrated it stays crunchy instead of cooking
>recipe never mentioned I needed to cook the rice before I chill it

I still think the recipe should have been more clear.

[Anonymous No.3857131]

>>3857108

[Anonymous No.3857135]

In college, babby's first time in the kitchen. I'm about 10 beers in and start to get drunk munchie.I decided out of all of my prepackaged shit-tier stuff that I wanted some tuna helper. I start making it according to directions, until I have to put in the milk. I look in the fridge, and there's only chocolate milk. "Hmm.... what harm could one measly cup do?"

You can see how this one ends...
(I still finished half of it. It was... interesting)

[Anonymous No.3857137]

>>3857108
I don't even... That's like using uncooked pasta for salad.

[Anonymous No.3857143]

>College room-mate was a vegetarian
>So, obviously, she did not know how to kitchen
>Caught her trying to slice a whole loaf of bread with a butter knife
>"Oh sweet jesus, bless ya heart. That's never going to work."
>Go to my own utensil drawer
>"This is what a bread knife looks like. Saw along the curved angle of the loaf."
>We start making jokes about how she's kitchen dumb
>Soon she becomes inspired to be of better use, in the kitchen
>By 4th year, she could bake, make crockpot dishes, and knew how to buy in bulk
>feelsgoodman.jpg

[Anonymous No.3857250]

>>3857036
>>3857092
Yes, I found out the next day with a little research that it doesn't need to be cooked.

[Anonymous No.3857260]

>>3857143

You're a good man, Charlie Brown

[OP IS A !FAG..jIhak No.3857262]

>>3856635

[Anonymous No.3857274]

>>3857084
>tuna helper
what the fuck is that shit?! cat food?
>mfw

[Anonymous No.3857408]

>>3856560
>dat gif

[Anonymous No.3857425]

>wake up wanting cookies
>start making dough, everything going swimmingly
>go to put dough in oven
>set timer for 20 minutes from read wrong instructions
>go to take out cookies
>realize my mistake
>I forgot the chocolate chips
They ended up being burned discs of shit

[Anonymous No.3857433]

>Make cookies for school
>Tightly pack a bunch of round shapes onto the baking sheet
>put in oven
>proceed to take out one 18" by 13" by 1" cookie

[Anonymous No.3857440]

>>Making yorkshire pudding,
>>have a shit ton of bacon grease and oil
>>Add some like the directions say and cook it for 30 minutes in the oven till it's just barely smoking
>>it smokes in like 7 minutes and and smokes up the kitchen before i notice it.
>>pull it out and dump in the yorkshire pudding,
>>comes out okay but I'm coughing and hacking because the smoke.

Can't think of another time my cooking messes where extravagant, usually it's just burning something or adding too much of an ingredient.

[Anonymous No.3857443]

The sad thing about over half of these stories is it's basic or pre-made stuff (like prepackaged pizza) - it has the instructions printed on it!! :(

It's why I can't understand in most cases, how people can fuck up their laundry. Stop and read a tag before washing. If you aren't sure, use cold water, gentle cycle, and hang it to dry (don't put it in the dryer). If it says "dry clean only" don't buy it in the first place, or if you do, don't be a cheap-ass and try to put it in a washing machine.

[Anonymous No.3857653]

>>3857408
Now you know how I feel every time that happens.

[Anonymous No.3857686]

>>Making Smothered Chicken, homemade mac & cheese, and green beans
>>Pasta boiling, veg for chicken prepped, beans in pressure cooker, white sauce ready for cheese
>>get out cheese to shred for sauce - mold everywhere
>>using pepper jack for chicken... fuck...
>>the store is only two blocks away, turn down everything (I think) and make a run for it
>>line overly long and store and I am panicking as I race home
>>throw open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur

[Anonymous No.3857723]

>staying the night at a friend's place in another city
>tired so i buy myself a frozen beef n tortellini skillet meal from the grocery store
>using someone else's kitchen, i set up my skillet
>the olive oil is in the dispenser next to me, its yellow and cheap looking
>the consistency is weird and when i drop my meal into it, it foams up
>it was yellow dish soap. shit was SO dawn

[Anonymous No.3857726]

>making enchiladas
>calls for taco sauce to be poured over top
>no taco sauce, but taco bell taco powder!
>combine it with the leftover juices from making the enchilada filling
>not really a sauce, mostly water
>HOW TO THICKEN SAUCE
>can't think of anything
>completely slipped mind to just turn up the heat
>pour a whole bunch of cheese in to thicken
>everything went better than expected

Still, went full retard with the thickening. My mind was a complete blank.

[Anonymous No.3857728]

>Be home super sleepy
>Holy thing I have left are some eggs and bread
>Decide to make that recipy wich name in english I forgot (you know the one with a hole in the bread)
>Time passes slowly in my head
>I took the eggs and decide to watch some television before going to sleep
>Egg was not well done
>Took the first bite
>Yolk all over the table
>MFW

[Anonymous No.3857828]

>make lemon meringue pie from scratch
>first time baking anything
>doesnt have rolling pin
>ask neighbors, and granddad to borrow a rolling pin
>no luck
>"use the bottom of a bowl"
>crust doesnt get as thin as i want
>ohwell.jpg
>put in pie filling
>let cool on stove
>cut a piece, crust is all thick and buttery
>"meh, it's ok but the crust is soggy"

After some refridgeration the crust became more firm, like actual pie crust.

and I almost forgot, I used regular sugar in the meringue instead of casters sugar and it didnt dissolve all the way, nor could I get the top of the meringue to brown
the filling could've used more lemon juice/zest as well

[Anonymous No.3857848]

>>3857726
>HOW TO THICKEN SAUCE
>can't think of anything
>completely slipped mind to just turn up the heat

Corn starch would've been my first port of call. But don't add it to a boiling sauce.

[Anonymous No.3857866]

>>3857135

My dad once accidentally poured iced coffee into mashed potatoes. Was only a splash but you could still taste it.

I also remember when I was like 5, trying to make my own sandwich for the first time. Didn't have any supervision. Grabbed the biggest, sharpest fuck-off knife I could find to cut it with. Cut my finger, cried like a bitch.

[Anonymous No.3857889]

>>3857848

flour

[Anonymous No.3857904]

>making peanut butter pie
>first don't get enough cornstarch in my pudding so its too loose, so when i cut into the pie its just this sopping mess
>then i somehow manage to not get my peanut butter crumble to the right crumblyness, looked like bits of uncooked peanut butter cookie.

Was a sad night :(

Also i can't figure out this crumb, can anybody help? its just peanut butter, vanilla and confectioners sugar(powdered)

[Anonymous No.3857925]

>roommate is cooking for once
>"Hey, anon, do you do anything special for boiling water?"
>Man what
>"I mean, is there a recipe or anything?"

mfw

[Anonymous No.3857930]

>>3857828
>Not using a graham cracker crust

[Anonymous No.3857944]

>Roommate wants mac&cheese
>he puts pot on burner
>he puts 5 cups of water in pot
>he puts noodles in pot
>he puts cheese sauce in pot
>he puts stick of butter in pot
>he puts cup of milk in pot
>he turns on burner
>......

[Anonymous No.3857975]

>making cookies
>no butter, only margarine
>"what's the worst that could happen"
>dinner plate sized cookies
>not so bad really

[Anonymous No.3858025]

not so much a retard moment as in bad cooking.
my dad is a great cook so whenever id go to his house he'd make me some good shit. one day he made me burgers and i took a huge bite. suddenly my mouth area was covered in burning cheese. turns out he made a burger that had melted cheese inside and when i bit into it it shot out all over me. he laughed when it happened. it was a good burger though

[claesix !!w8P3ZOlfjjB No.3858038]

a juicy lucy. nice.
>>3858025

[Anonymous No.3858057]

>Be shitfaced at home
>Decide to make pasta salad
>"This needs more thyme"
>Add half the container of thyme and mix
>Tastes okay.jpg
>Wake up next morning on floor
>Eat some pasta salad
>Wretch everywhere

I guess not so much full retard as drunk, but oh well.

[Anonymous No.3858085]

>make chicken noodle soup
>pour some in a deep plate
>go about eating it in the living room
>come back to the kitchen half an hour later
>completely in smoke
>all the liquid in the soup pot vaporized and the noodles and stuff burned and turned into an asphalt like block on the bottom of the pot
>mfw having to clean that shit
Also another time I accidentally left a wooden cutting board on a stove and forgot to turn it off and an hour later it was burned black and almost caught flames. Had to extinguish the board with a bucket of water, and it took hours to vent all the smoke out of the kitchen.

[Sythe !!66E8vxZ1xpB No.3858106]

>Near to the beginning of my career
>prep drone
>bad day, fucked a couple things up, chef is unimpressed
>Asks me to make hollandaise, while also fixing the things I fucked up
>letsdothis.jpg
>Other items are cooking away
>whisk yolks and such to a lovely hard ribbon
>grab melted butter from top of stock pot
>check stock
>throw sifted flour into other melted butter off heat for bech later
>dump melted butter in hand into holly bowl
>taste and adjust soup
>wait...
>look at holly bowl, swimming in butter
>haaaaaaaa
>kill me

Thank god for immersion blenders.

[Anonymous No.3858119]

Did a very deep stabbing of my own thigh once.
Was bad. Very, very bad. Lots of blood.
That's what I get for cooking drunk, pissed off and stressed out.

[Anonymous No.3858132]

>making cornbread
>open door to preheated oven
>FOR SOME REASON I flip the cake pan upside down when putting it in
>cornbread batter everywhere, starts to cook on oven, etc.
I just turned the oven off and walked away. I couldn't even. My bf cleaned it, bless his heart.

[Anonymous No.3858171]

>Friend is lactose intolerant
>She wants to make instant mashed potatoes
>Calls for milk
>She only has almond milk
>She actually uses the almond milk

Motherofgodwhy.jpg

She said it tasted horribly. I was not surprised.

[Anonymous No.3858192]

>live in worcester, uk
>home of the original lea & perrins factory, it's still active
>bunking with a bunch of americans
>mfw after about three years they still can't pronounce worcester correctly
It is not 'worchester'. Do you see a 'ch' in the town's spelling? Goddamn.

[Anonymous No.3858196]

>tried to make eggplant parmigiana for my mother on mother's day
>forgot to precook the eggplant
>had to throw away a very large casserole worth of tomato sauce, fresh eggplant, and cheeses as a result

It really bruised my ego because I made her such a badass dinner the year before.

[Anonymous No.3858202]

>>3858192
I'm an American and that drives me insane.
It irritates me to no end that people can't take the time to learn correct pronunciations.

[Anonymous No.3858204]

>>3858202
Autism everywhere

[Anonymous No.3858208]

>>3858204
Please. You're just a lazy slob. Educated people know the importance of being able to speak correctly.

[Anonymous No.3858210]

>>3858208
They also realize that not everyone knows how to pronounce words they have little experience with and would politely correct the mistake instead of getting anal pained like you. You're still an autistic NEET.

[Anonymous No.3858215]

>>3858210
Nice low self esteem there. Did you not read the post? The people had lived there for THREE YEARS. If you can't learn to pronounce the name of the city you live in within the three years you live there, you are either functionally retarded or just a lazy slob of a human. I'd say you are a lazy slob, since you can't even be bothered to read an entire post so you can get your information correct.

[Anonymous No.3858218]

>>3858215

[Anonymous No.3858220]

Would you two faggots take your little e-argument to fucking YouTube or something?

How fucking retarded do you have to be to get into an argument on the fucking Internet? Holy shit.

[Anonymous No.3858224]

>>3858220
Is this your first time here or something?

[Anonymous No.3858225]

>>3858218
Nice response. Enjoy your mediocrity.

[Anonymous No.3858236]

>>3858225
If someone hasn't changed their pronunciation of a word after a length of time they don't care. Then if you still care you are mad. Therefore you're autistic.

[Anonymous No.3858266]

>about 14 at the time
>Dad buys a feast of quality beef, namely T-bones and beef tenderloin, for a bbq at his girlfriend's place.
>He lets her grill it for some reason.
>T-bones end up dry and rubbery, tenderloins taste like cardboard.
>Reinforces the "women can't grill for shit stereotype"
>was so pissed off at the waste of my dad's money that I remember it to this day.

Full retard on my dad's part, I guess.

[Anonymous No.3858274]

>want to make chicken corn potato chowder
>have potatoes but nothing else, decide fuck it and cut them up anyway
>not sure when I can go to the store so stick the potato slices into the freezer
>a day or so later I get the stuff to make the chowder
>hmm the potatoes look a bit odd, oh well
>add everything and make delicious chowder
>take a bite of one of the oddly colored potatoes
>throw up everywhere

That's the day I learned to not freeze potatoes

[Anonymous No.3858288]

>Alcoholic
>Hungry
>Put a pan on start cooking hotogs.
>Fall into drunken sleep
>Wake up to fire alarm smoke everywhere
>Housemates freaking out wondering what the fuck I had done now

[Anonymous No.3858297]

this thread...

who doesn't know you need to cook pasta/rice?

who doesn't know you can thicken ANYTHING with flour?

[Anonymous No.3858315]

>BF wants to cook chicken wok for me
>seen his dad use curry paste to spice the chicken
>proceeds to spoon out the whole jar of it and stirr it in with the chicken.
> serves
> meal begins
> OHSHITWHATISTHIS?!

we had pasta that evening..

I mean.... DAMN!

[Anonymous No.3858321]

>roommate is fucktard, somehow gets hired in a kitchen
>cooking, while listening to him bitch about minor prep work
>says jamabalaya uses a roux

Maybe its just because I'm a Lousianafag, but this was like, are you fucking kidding me?

[Anonymous No.3858340]

>>3858236
>Doesn't know what autism actually is.

Laughinggirls.jpeg

[Anonymous No.3858363]

>>3858340
>Doesn't understand how its used in this context

[Anonymous No.3858370]

>just learning how to cook
>browning ground beef
>seasoned with marjoram and oregano

my i have come a long way.

[Anonymous No.3858387]

This is my only really bad incident that comes to mind.

>Get home from work, hungry as fuck
>Look and see we have pork buns ready for steaming
>throw a little bit of water at the bottom of the pan, put in the rack so the buns could sit down
>bowl water, toss in buns and cover the top
>proceed to go downstairs in my room to play vidya
>Buns only supposed to be on for 12 minutes, realize 40 has passed
>dash upstairs see kitchen covered with smoke
>oh fuck oh fuck
>rip pan off, take off top look at once white buns that are now looking more like spherical dome shaped coal, black as the night
>pans super fucked up on the bottom (was sauce pan) dude to heat
>end night with bowl of cereal
>cry self to sleep

[Anonymous No.3858391]

>>3858370

what is wrong with browning ground beef and seasoning it with spices?

[Anonymous No.3858408]

>>3858363
>Doesn't realize how stupid he sounds.

[Anonymous No.3858425]

>>3858408
>>3858363
>>3858340
>>3858236
>>3858225
>>3858224
>>3858218
>>3858215
>>3858210
>>3858208
>>3858204

Can we all just agree that you're both autistic?

[Anonymous No.3858478]

>>3858425
Nope, because no matter how chan-speak it is to throw around the word "autism", when you use it so incorrectly and stupidly, you just sound like an idiot. According to people around here, 90% of internet users are autistic. That's not how that works.

[Anonymous No.3858489]

>>3856560
I feel for you anon, I'm the only one in my immediate family who eats food rare or raw.

[Anonymous No.3858524]

>>3858192

>live in worcester, massachusettes, us
>woo-stuh woo-stuh woo-stuh
>west coast cousins
>worstest-er

fuck

[Anonymous No.3858533]

>>3858524

fuck's sake I misspelled my own state's name.

[Anonymous No.3858560]

>making pizza
>roll it out on the counter, flipping it every now and again
>tomato sauce
>pepperoni
>various vegetables
>cheese
>tada! (I thought)

turns out it's difficult to move a finished, uncooked pizza from the counter to the plate that you put in the oven.

> it fell on the floor
>nope.jpg
>BF helps clean

[Anonymous No.3858638]

>>3857889
Don't just toss flour in sauce! Make a roux (toast some flour to remove the raw taste, then add an equal quantity butter and stir while it's melting) and then add some of your sauce to that to equalize the temperature, making sure to whisk to remove any lumps, then when you have a slurry of roux and sauce, whisk it into the sauce.

[Anonymous No.3858640]

>Sauteing vegetables
>See bottle of southern comfort
>White wine works, that's probably good too

...oops.

[Anonymous No.3858645]

>>3858478
autism.bmp

[Anonymous No.3858649]

>>3858533
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzBT00LXElU

[Anonymous No.3858665]

the other day i managed to ruin some rice. it all stuck to the pan. literally none of it was usable

first time i'd ever tried to cook rice apart from boil in the bag stuff. shit is difficult

[Anonymous No.3858668]

>camping in holland with friends
>toked out of our minds
>extremely hungry and tried cooking some rice
>managed to make the WORST rice possible IN THE UNIVERSE
>completely hard on the inside, still crunchy basically
>softer than a wet paper towel on the outside
>still ate it

I honestly have never in my life managed such perfection on the negative scale since

[Anonymous No.3858679]

more stories

I'm new to cooking so practically everything I make has a retard moment

[Anonymous No.3858681]

>>3858679
tell one then!

[Anonymous No.3858683]

how do you fail at cooking rice? It's literally 4 steps.
1: rinse your rice until the water runs clear
2: while rinsing rice, bring twice as much water (by volume) as dry rice to a boil
3: add rice to water
4: reduce heat to medium-low. 3.5/10 if you have a numerical stove

That's it.

[Anonymous No.3858684]

>>3857135
God damn it. Now I want to try this one for myself.

[Anonymous No.3858685]

>>3858266
>"women can't grill for shit stereotype"
>stereotype

[Anonymous No.3858688]

>>3858683
I retraced my steps, it was basically the weed. We were SO slow that we let the rice soak in cold water for what felt right, but in reality was like.. an hour or so?

then we cooked it for a few minutes (too short because munchies), so the inside stayed hard

basically the PERFECT way to the worst possible rice

[Anonymous No.3858697]

>>3858688
that is an accomplishment. Seriously, good job.

[Anonymous No.3858702]

>>3858683

do you cover the pot though? i did and the water kept coming over the top

also i didn't rinse rice, how do you do that

[Anonymous No.3858709]

>>3858697
Indeed, we were quite proud in a toked out way

that holiday had tome culinary WTFs all around

we managed to find a soft drink that we couldn't drink when toked out completely, because it was too sweet

too sweet

to drink

while high

imagine that shit

it was called "taksi tropical blue"

[Anonymous No.3858712]

>>3858702
yes, cover the pot, and make sure your pot is bigger than what you're putting in it.

to rinse rice, you run water over it.

just like rinsing anything else

a fine mesh strainer helps

[Anonymous No.3858714]

>>3858712

ah yes, a strainer. this is what i meant how to rinse it. thx

[Anonymous No.3858718]

>get home from late shift at work
>decide I want pasta because I can't possibly screw this up
>put pot of water on stove
>dump in pasta

Not as bad as soon of these but damn that was annoying.

[Anonymous No.3858720]

>10 years old
>Home alone
>Decide to make Kraft mac and cheese
>boil the macaroni
>don't drain out the water
>put the cheese in
>look at the pot
>read the box
"What step am I even on?"
>give up and make a sandwich

[Anonymous No.3858749]

>>3858718

I don't get it, what went wrong?

[Anonymous No.3858759]

>>3858749
You don't add pasta to cold water...

[Anonymous No.3858776]

>>3858759

One of my housemates does this why shouldn't you?

[Anonymous No.3858785]

>>3858776
hahahaahahhahahaha
pasta gets soggy as shit if you do that

[Anonymous No.3858811]

>>3858785

Should salt be added to pasta btw?

[Anonymous No.3858813]

>>3858811
always add salt to the water. for some reason it makes it taste better.

it was believed that it had something to do with lowering the boiling point, but that has recently been proven wrong since the lowering is wayyy to small to do really anything

[Anonymous No.3858816]

>>3858813

thx brah

anything else you should know about pasta or is it this simple?

[Anonymous No.3858817]

>>3858816
It's as simple as bringing water to a boil, adding salt, then cooking the pasta for 7-10 minutes depending on the type of pasta.

[Anonymous No.3858820]

>>3858817

do you cook at the highest setting?

[Anonymous No.3858822]

>>3858192
>pronounce "ham" as "um"
>don't pronounce h's
>get buttmad when people can't pronounce your towns

[Anonymous No.3858824]

>>3858822

>pronounce arkansas as arkansaw

Just because it doesn't make sense doesn't mean you should be stupid about it

[Anonymous No.3858825]

>>3858816
uhm..

1. Add salt to water
2. Boil water
3. Add pasta
4. Cooking time depends on pasta thickness, should be written on the packaging, if not you can find it on wikipedia
5. Taste a few noodles a minute or two before the alloted time. Pasta is NOT supposed to be soft and soggy, you need to be able to "chew" it a bit, which is called "al dente" in italian.
6. Will seem hard at first, but is easy. For example, if the time for spaghetti says

"cook 10 minutes"

start tasting at 8 minutes and stay with them.

then put them in a strainer and pour some water over them (some say cold, some hot, no idea..) so they don't become sticky.

If you want some more info, the wikipedia page on pasta has information on what pasta fits best to what type of pasta sauce, depending on the consistency of the sauce

[Anonymous No.3858828]

>>3858820
nah, will overflow probably. I usually cook at 4/6
the water needs to boil, but it doesn't need to be a sea in hell

[Anonymous No.3858830]

Thanks for the learnings, lads.

I probably seem retarded to you but I've moved into a student house and it's the first time I've had to cook for myself

[Anonymous No.3858831]

>>3858830
Making pasta al dente is a small step, but awesome as hell.
my mom used to make soggy spaghetti, and I hated them as a kid.

when I made my first spaghetti al dente...

taste bud explosion

[Anonymous No.3858837]

>>3858830
and learning pasta is important for a student :P
one of the easiest ways to a cheap AND tasty meal

look at spaghetti aglio & olio

spaghetti, oil, garlic, chili peppers, done

[Anonymous No.3858843]

>>3858825

One does not rinse pasta, unless it's going to end up eaten cold, such as in a salad.

Various Asian noodles are traditionally rinsed.

[Anonymous No.3858875]

>Back when I was like 12, older brother 17
>After school watching TV
>Parents working late, they tell my older brother to make dinner.
>He's trying to make boxed pasta
>"Hey, can you help me? How do I make this stuff?"
>Get up and walk over to him, take box and read instructions.
>Tell him to follow the instructions, they are simple as shit.
>"Yeah, but what does simmer mean?"
>Explain while he looks at me like I have 3 heads
>"I don't get it."
>Make him the pasta, because I know he'd fuck it up.

>Last year
>Boyfriend comes over
>Work together to make chicken soup
>Give him vegetables to clean and cut while I cut the chicken
>Finish cutting the chicken
>Look over at boyfriend
>Hasn't even finished peeling one potato

>Mom decided to visit us (Parents divorced obviously)
>Talks about my step brother
>She cooked home made stew the night before for him, which is pretty fucking great
>Complains he wanted a quesadilla
>Asks mom to make him one, she says no
>Complains because he can't make a quesadilla
>This guy is 17 and rejected amazing stew for a quesadilla which he isn't even capable of making.

It amazes me how useless my stepbrother is. Can't do laundry or cook for himself, which is all something I learned by the time I like 9.

[Anonymous No.3858878]

>>3858816

I use an oxo cube (or any stock cube) instead of salt; the cube's salty enough, and it adds a really nice flavour to the pasta. Throw on a small amount of butter afterwards.

[Anonymous No.3858887]

>>3858878
eh, depends on the dish

but yes, I use vegeta sometimes
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vegeta_(food)

[Anonymous No.3858888]

>make koolaid
>with 1 cup of salt

[Anonymous No.3858905]

>making lemon squares
>need to put powdered sugar on at the end
>had to borrow a bag from my neighbor
>cover in powdered sugar
>it was flower
>fuck

[RoseBot !!EAVp3wibgC6 No.3858912]

There was a bake sale in my second grade class.
Poorfag, but still wanted to contribute.
made plain sugar cookies, shaped like cats.
Unfortunately, my dad just finished using all of the cooking oil for frying fish.
they tasted strongly of crappie.

[Anonymous No.3858916]

>>3858905
>> flower

[Instrumental Enthusiast No.3858958]

>>3858905
Lemon Bars is what you meant right? And you probably made them too sweet anyway, so it was destiny that you failed.

[Anonymous No.3858970]

>>3858888
I did something similar myself.
>making apple pie
> add a cup of sugar
> it wasn't sugar. . .

[Anonymous No.3858978]

accidentally adding sugar instead of salt or vice versa is not full retard

it can happen, it sucks, but it's a simple brainfart, not a fully retarded thing

[Anonymous No.3859036]

>>3858875

We all learn at our own rate, although I gotta say the ingratitude would really get on my nerves after a while.

Make him rely on himself for food for a while - he'll either figure something out, or starve.

[Anonymous No.3859060]

Age 6, sitting on counter
>mom is making me macaroni & cheese, always watched her cook (or 'cook' as it were)
>she takes the boiling water & noodles across the kitchen to the sink, stumbles and spills it all over me

Age 12
>taking steaks out of packaging to put in marinade
>mom says "son, please wash those first, meat is contaminated and must be rinsed well before cooking"
>that doesn't sound right
>it wasn't right

Three years ago
>about to cook some marinated pork tenderloin in a cast iron pan
>a little iron-pan-kung-fu first
>wake up an hour later with a lump and a scar over my eyebrow and no dinner

Today
>making homemade pizza for mom, every Friday is homemade pizza day, she asks for canned mushrooms and olives, okay
>son please wash them first

Always
>dirty slut in pic is my dog
>make her these 'sheba patties' every week from ground-at-home chicken thighs, beef, roasted sweet potatoes, and peas; every night, serve her one with boiled barley and steamed broccoli. She gets half of a Sheba patty and an egg for breakfast
>her face when she eats better than me

[Anonymous No.3859106]

>18 year old me
>just moved out of my parents house
>diet consists mainly of take out or food from the restaurant i work at
>have roommate who is into cooking
>i am trying to learn some stuff
>boxed mac and cheese
>boil noodles for probably 15 minutes or more
>drain pasta add cheese powder and mix
>serve
>oops lol forgot the milk
>horrible dry cheese dust and soggy noodles it was just awful
>end up ordering a pizza

[Anonymous No.3859476]

>>3859106
you know you still could have added milk .

[MOMO !!A8BrPmZzO+j No.3859482]

>>3858912
>sugar cookies
>oil

I'm sorry but what? Is this another recipe or something?

[Anonymous No.3859493]

>>3856857
>>3856857

>1/2 the fucking jar
>Jar

Pomodoro is crushed tomatoes, garlic, salt, and olive oil. why the fuck do you need to buy a jar.

you want sugar
you are pig-fucking disgusting.

[Anonymous No.3859532]

>tfw I can't cook
Yeah I can't make scrambled eggs. Always comes out like dried shit.

[Anonymous No.3859543]

>>3858391
marjoram and oregano are almost exactly the same

[Anonymous No.3859555]

>need to thicken pan sauce for chicken marsala
>add flour
>it was powdered sugar

To be fair? Chicken flavored caramel was pretty tasty!

[Anonymous No.3859568]

>make enchiladas
>suck rommate's dick
>swallow his cum
>no more appetite
>he falls asleep, no one eats anything
>throw it away in the morning

[Anonymous No.3859575]

>at home
>decide I'm hungry, go to kitchen
>pasta time, yeah!
>put water in pan, put pan on stove, go back to room to fuck around on 4chan
>an hour later
>decide I'm hungry, go to kitchen
>AW SHIT

[Anonymous No.3859648]

>>3859060
your mom was right about the mushrooms, they taste like shit if you don't rinse the can taste off.

[Anonymous No.3859655]

>First time cooking with rosemary
>Making oven-roasted potatoes
>Open rosemary
>Huh, it smells pretty strong
>Whatever, just sprinkle that shit on there
>potatoes are done
>pop one in my mouth
>UREDGFHDKLFGJGIKDFGKRJHGIRKJGODWHYLIFEISHORRIBLE

And ever since that day, I've had a healthy respect for herbs, rosemary in particular. Thems be powerful juju.

[Anonymous No.3859664]

>>3858978
>>3858978
>>3858978

reminds me of the time I had a bad cough and my mother brought me a heaped tablespoon full of sugar with cough drops sprinkled over it to make the medicine sweeter. drops still taste horribly bitter, mom sees my face and says dont be a such a sissy eat it already!

I force it down ... right after realize she had accidentally brought me a heaped tablespoon full of salt.

And forced me to eat it
I threw up five minutes after.

As soon as she is old enough she is going into the cheaapest nursing home I can find.

[Anonymous No.3859679]

>mother makes me make pastry from scratch
>I ask if she needs any help
>she says no what kind of woman doesn't know how to cook
>5 mins later she screaming my name
>I can smell burning
>mfw it turns out she attempted to deep fry sausage rolls

[lol i trol u !!8m+H51rfpNO No.3859683]

>>3857262

how dose a polar bear know what apples is

[Anonymous No.3859689]

>>3858825
>then put them in a strainer and pour some water over them (some say cold, some hot, no idea..) so they don't become sticky.

Do not listen to this man unless you enjoy pasta with the nutritive value of cardboard.

[Anonymous No.3859690]

>>3858524
Oh god, Worcester, MA.
>3rd shit hole of Massachusetts
>only to Southbridge and Sturbridge

[Anonymous No.3859692]

>>3859689
That's the majority of pasta American's eat, and the water goes on it to stop the cooking process, not simply to keep it from sticking.

You obviously know the difference between homemade and boxed pastas so instead of being a faggot why don't you give information instead of wanking onto your screen over how cool you are.

[Anonymous No.3859700]

>>3859692
>That's the majority of pasta American's eat
First, it's "Americans". Second, using boxed pasta is fine if it's something simple. I go between fresh and boxed all the time. Nothing wrong with it.

>the water goes on it to stop the cooking process
...or you could just undercook it a little, which is what most people with a brain would do...

[Anonymous No.3859789]

>>3859060
can you give me more info on the recipe you give your dog?

[Anonymous No.3859825]

>>3859060
wait did you hit yourself in the head with the pan?

[Anonymous No.3859840]

>>3859700
>>3859700
>>3859700

this anon is right, never douse pasta wth cold water. Alfons Schubeck himself condems the practice in the strongest words and that guy has had a few Michelin stars since like forever.

[Anonymous No.3859847]

>baking shit for my mother's cafe because that was the alternative to working there
>doing shit so often that I just forget basic shit
>baking anzac biscuits
>forget to add several wet ingredients
>complained about the dough being a pain in the ass to prepare
>annoyed that they're brick hard when they come out
>only remember what I forgot afterwards

>about 10, cooking pre-packaged profiteroles
>mix the chocolate chips with the water instead of letting them melt inside the bag in the water
>end up with creamed pastries

>people always chide me for leaving in and drinking the broth of 2 minute noodles, I still do because I got used to it

[Anonymous No.3859850]

>>3858560
>not pre-cooking your base
Absolutely disgusting and completely deserved result.

[Anonymous No.3859852]

[Anonymous No.3859859]

>4 years old
>ribs for dinner
>BBQ sauce time (used to cook it separately to the ribs, worked a charm honestly)
>mom asks whether I want the sauce on the ribs or on the side
>I say on the ribs
>she puts it on the ribs
>I say 'no, I wanted it on the side'
>she smashes my face onto the plate
>everything on the table jumps
>I'm instantly bawling my eyes out
>face is covered in BBQ sauce
>just lie there, crying, on the plate for a while
Only realized years later that she must have had a hard day.

[Anonymous No.3859868]

>>3859859
That's funny but wow... That's terrible.

[Anonymous No.3859874]

>>3859868
Yeah...I was asking for it though.

[Anonymous No.3859881]

>be in amsterdam
>see where this is going?
>get high as fuck
>go back to hostel
>have frozen pizzas
>no oven
>try to cook one in a frying pan
>friend stops me, we cook it in the microwave
>it was awesome.

[Anonymous No.3859885]

>>3859840
What about warm/hot water? I used it only on boxed pasta so far

[Anonymous No.3859915]

>>3858978
>>3858970
My sugar is brown (I mean in colour; raw) and my salt is pink and flakey (naturally), so I don't know this feel.

[Anonymous No.3859933]

>>3859885
I'm not anyone that's been involved with this thread so far, but I do not understand why anyone would rinse their pasta. The only reason your pasta will stick to itself is if you leave it to drain forever, so make your sauce FIRST, or simultaneously if it's not going to take that long. Your pasta should spend no more than a minute not being tended to out of a pot or pan. Some sauces even cook with the pasta, for example I well under cook my pasta for carbonara and finish it off in the pan I cooked the mushrooms and pancetta in, having tempered the sauce with some of the pasta of course (due to the egg content).

[Anonymous No.3859945]

>>3859933
The only time you would want to rinse pasta is for a cold application, such as pasta salad. This stops the cooking of the pasta, and makes it easier to chill.

[Anonymous No.3859951]

>>3857013
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-service_laundry

[Anonymous No.3859971]

>>3858560

Flour the back of a cookie sheet and make the pizza on that you stupid cunt. Or any large, flat pan with no lip. Then slide it onto your (hot) pizza stone/tiles/whatever.

If you can't figure out something that simple why are you even here?

Yes, I mad. You wasted a bunch of perfectly good food and then bitched about trying to fix it.

[Anonymous No.3859995]

>>3857143
You are a good person.

[Anonymous No.3860139]

>>3859789
Sheba Patties
*Cube several pounds of lowest-cost chicken thighs and beef, put through meat grinder
*Roast two sweet potatoes, combine with meat
*Combine about 16oz fresh or canned peas or green beans
*Shape into square patties with a square mold and flip onto foil (packing into a square helps them hold together)
*Place foil-side down onto grill over low flame until partially cooked, flip and remove foil, cook through, wrap and serve cold or warm as needed

[Anonymous No.3860306]

>>3860139
Not Seba Patty maker, but I used to cook for my pet parrot, and thought /ck/ might be interested in it.

>Whatever fruits we had on hand (pears, mango, apples, you know, hard fruits), cut up, not too small
>tomahto juice or whatever something similiar that birds aren't allergic to, carrot juice, whatever other kinds of veggie juice there are, god just leave me alone
>a fuckton of chili pepper, birds love spicy shit, no other herbs or spices though cause birds are allergic to lots of shit

Added it all together and mixed it periodically until the juice was mostly dry.

[Anonymous No.3860309]

>>3859971
>Cooking full retard moments

What the fuck do you expect?

[Anonymous No.3860391]

>First time I made chicken wings
I put them in the oven with the sauce on them... no starch. Holy fuck did that turn out bad. Just greasy as shit.
>2nd time I made wings
I tried to fry them, but the grease was too fucking hot... so dumbass me thought they were finished based on how they looked.
Went to bite into one... completely fucking raw on the inside.

>mfw.

[Anonymous No.3860410]

>Having early dinner, pasta with bolognese sauce
>Water is just starting to boil, decide to toss in pasta
>Decide we want fresh bread from store like 3 minutes away that just brought out their evening loaves
>Ask little bro to watch the pasta while me and roommate run to the store (brother lives with me due to familial issues)
>Bro agrees
>Come home to sticky, cooked to bottom of the pan pasta with the kid trying to stir the noodles which have clumped together
Apparently the kid didn't know you were supposed to turn the heat down off the boil to a simmer, that the water shouldn't have boiled away or that you needed to strain pasta....
We ended up eating half of the stuff, the parts that weren't cooked to a starchy mess on the bottom of the pan.
But my god have I had to step up the kid's education in the kitchen.

[Anonymous No.3860457]

>Friend tells me to come over to play video games and have dinner
>Play GTA3 for 2 hours
>The smell of cumin and tomato sauce coming from the kitchen
>Dinner is ready anon!
>sit down at table
>in front of me is a bowl of chili, bowl of white rice, saltines, fruit punch, sliced pineapple, and caesar salad
>hungry as fuck, though chili smells different
>take first bite
>bitch didn't drain/rinse beans from the can
>bitch used chopped chicken thigh
>bitch microwaved the rice, not cooked
>bitch put salt and lemon on pineapple
>bitch served us stale saltines
>bitch microwaved caeser salad to melt the cheese
>fruit punch is crystal light
>I ate everything and asked for seconds
>told bitch it was delicious
>go home and throw up
>mom is friends with my friends mom, knew exactly what would go down
>my mom saved me some beef bourguignon, greek salad, and apple pie
>never go back to friends house

[Anonymous No.3860497]

>hit up china town
>buy ingredients to make cantonese chow mein
>cook everything and arrange on plate neatly
>also bought stuff to make coconut bubble tea
>tell roommate foods ready
>roommate grabs plate, picks out shrimp, chicken, pork, and noodles avoiding vegetables
>goes to fridge, grabs Kraft BBQ sauce
>puts what looks like 3 tablespoons of bbq sauce ontop of chow mein
>goes back to fridge, grabs bottle of chocolate milk
>walks off to room
>eat the rest of the food even without any meat is was delicious
>roommate comes back downstairs
>cracks open a beer and tells me how it tasted greasey
>chugs his beer and ees me making coconut bubble tea
>he asks for some
>prepare a glass and hand it to him
>roommate sucks on straw
>swallows tapioca balls
>finishes drink
>needs booze and more coconut
>roommate walks off
>realize i live with a manchild feel bad for his gf

[Anonymous No.3860610]

The pretentiousness in this thread is off the meter.

[Anonymous No.3860796]

>be 17
>cooking hamburger helper
>didn't know you had to drain hamburger grease
>eat grease stew for dinner
>heart attack that night
>die
>prom is tomorrow

Why have you foresaken me, oh lord

[Anonymous No.3861669]

>>3860457

[Anonymous No.3861897]

>>3860610
stop spamming screencaps from batsu games and calling everything pretentious. theres no originality to any of those posts

[Anonymous No.3861998]

>grandmother is from Nam
>lived most of her life in extreme poverty.
>comes to Mercia.
>doesn't get rid of any food
>ever.
>ends up buying several refrigerators to house all this stuff
>look inside them.
>literally filled to the brim with old, frozen meat.
>look at the date on the receipt on one of them near the bottom
>1987
>mfw the meat is older than me.
Tl;dr grandma has 4 large refrigerators filled with 30 year old meat. Completely. Filled.

[Anonymous No.3862022]

>buy some delicious flat bread
>have half, store rest in pantry wrapped up nice and tight
>come home drunk next night
>eat lots of bread with vegemite
>tastes funny, face is kind of itchy
>turn lights on to discover it is more green/black than bread coloured
>there are also ants on it

[Anonymous No.3862029]

>no food in house except rice and some other shit I don't like
>decide to make rice, haven't done it on my own before
>try to measure precise rice:water ratio from memory
>into pot it goes, cooking
>remember mom saying something about adding oil before rice and water
>add an unmeasured amount of oil while rice is cooking, laugh at my stupidity
>undercooked, crunchy rice ensues

then brother told me that the oil is for fried rice, feel like a retard.

[Muri/k/an No.3862030]

>super early in the morn on weekend
>half asleep still
>go inna kitchen
>take milk from fridge
>pour milk into glass
>put glass on shelf
>but milk in fridge
>go back to bed
>wonder why there is a glass of milk on the shelf when i got up the second time.
>mfw i remember

[Anonymous No.3862036]

for some reason parmesan is in freezer
.all clumpy
.go to shake container
.top blows over, fine mist of parmesan explodes adn coats every imaginable surface in the kitchen
>mfw when wiping down the ENTIRE kithcen

[Anonymous No.3862042]

>>3861998
I 24 pack of coke plus a vfew bottles in my grandmas bar fridge that expired in 1995, this was a couple of years ago. needless to say a tried drinking it. tasted weird, sort of flat and...thinner than normal coke, it's hard to describe.

[Anonymous No.3862053]

>Be five years ago, in high school
>Family is poorfags
>At play rehearsals all afternoon, get home at 10-ish after not eating anything all day
>Exhausted and hungry, a bad combination
>Okay, what is there to eat...?
>Decide on oatmeal because it's pretty much the only food in the house not "claimed" by other members of the family
>Start making what I'm convinced is going to be the BEST OATMEAL EVER
>A little sugar, a lot of cinnamon, some margarine (may as well make it calorie-dense 'caujse it's all I'm eating)
>Totally doing all this on autopilot without reading labels
>Later, take a bite of oatmeal
>HOLY HELL WHAT MONSTROSITY HAVE I CREATED NOPE.JPG.EXE.PNG.GIF.BMP
>Realize that I managed to grab the salt instead of the sugar, chilli powder instead of cinnamon, and cream cheese instead of margarine
>Go to bed hungry and disappointed

[Anonymous No.3862064]

>>making funnel cake (first time deep frying everything ever)
>>the batter is basically pancakes, nothing to fuck up there
>>the matrix is basically olive oil, easy right?
>>fill pan with olive oil and start drizzling batter into pan. goingwellsofar.jpg
>>decide to Gordon Ramsay some shit and move the pan full of like 12oz of boiling-hot olive oil like a retard
>>boiling hot olive oil all over my bare feet
>>ohgodthepain

I'm very weary of deep fryers now.

[Anonymous No.3862108]

>>3859847
Wait, wait, back the fun bus the fuck up.

People DON'T leave the broth in and guzzle it's deliciousness in it's entirety?

How do they live?

[Anonymous No.3862115]

I made 2 pies with salt. Yeah, I wish I was joking.

[Anonymous No.3862116]

>>3862115
I mean, salt instead of sugar.

[Anonymous No.3862143]

>>3860306
>a fuckton of chili pepper, birds love spicy shit

but birds aren't sensitive to Capsaicin.

[Anonymous No.3862213]

>be 10
>home from school
>decide i'd like some delicious campbell's tomato soup
>get can out of cupboard
>pull on ring-pull, it breaks off
>FUCK
>can't figure out how to use crappy electric can opener from the 60s
>can't find a normal can opener anywhere but probably wouldn't know how to use one anyway
>have idea
>get knife
>begin stabbing the fuck out of the lid to make a hole
>*tap.... tap.... tap........BOOM*
>tomato soup explosion
>wall of kitchen is splattered red with a comical silhouette of myself left dry in the center

thats the day i learned about vacuum sealed containers and air pressure. and why tiled walls in kitchens are such a good idea.

[Anonymous No.3862225]

From when I was much younger:
>Egg in microwave
>KABOOM

>Get in late
>Mum: "I left your dinner out, you'll have to reheat it"
>Take plate of food and put on gas hob
>Turn gas up to full
>Sit at dining table and wait for food to reheat
>BANG
>Plate exploded

And more recently:
>Friend puts frozen pizza in oven for us to share
>Some time later
>Crust is charcoal
>Middle is ice

[Anonymous No.3862228]

>At Mum's while she's away on holiday
>Preheat oven for frozen pizza
>Open oven door to put pizza in
>Pan with plastic handle was in there
>Melted plastic everywhere

[Anonymous No.3862230]

i once tried to make mashed potatoes as my first real cooked meal because i liked me some mashed potatoes. following directions exactly from cook book. they are "boil potatoes. mash potatoes. serve." somehow i wind up with like 5 differrent pots and pans dirty a mess everywhere burnt hand from handling bioled potatoes and i didn't even wind up eating any mashed potatoes.

>potato

[Anonymous No.3862240]

>Home Economics in school
>Making pizza
>Recipe needs x ounces of flour
>Measure flour for pizza base in fluid ounces
>Bake and wrap pizza
>Proudly bring pizza home for family dinner
>Flour flavoured pizza

This is how I learn.

[Anonymous No.3862263]

>be 10
>want to cook frozen pizza in oven
>never lit the stove before but seen my dad do it
>turn oven on high
>keep trying to light with match and failing
>4 minutes later still trying
>BOOM
>fly back and land on my ass
>eyebrows and hair slightly burnt

Yeah. It didn't dawn on me that the whole time while I was failing to light the stove it was filling with propane. I refused to try to bake anything in that oven for a few years after that.

>months later decide to cook box of Mac'N Cheese
>Fill pot with water
>put noodles in pot
>turn burner on high and walk away
>indeterminate time later start smelling smoke
>noodles have burned to the bottom of the pot

and that was the day that I learned that just because something was in water didn't me that it couldn't burn. I think that pot still has black marks in the shape of the macaroni noodles.

[Ms. Bert No.3862396]

>>3859700
>>3859692
>>3859689
>>3858825

Oh god, I don't know ANYONE that rinses their pasta with cold water afterwards. I think I did it once as a tween and my mother yelled at me.

[Anonymous No.3862420]

>>3862228
Oh god, my grandparents used to keep boxes of cereal in the oven. Once when they came to visit at my parents' house, they had cereal and put the box in the oven.

Hilarity ensued when my mom pre-heated the oven to make dinner that night and we ended up with a fiery inferno in the oven.

Taught me to always check in the oven first before I heat it up.

[Anonymous No.3862421]

I was around 3or 4 and I snuck some ice cream from the freezer. I decided that there wasn't enough sugar in the ice cream so I decided to add some. Well, I grabbed a shaker off the table that I thought was sugar but was actually salt. Worst taste ever and it is one of my earliest memories.

[Anonymous No.3862444]

>>3858132
bitch

[Anonymous No.3862451]

>Be in Home Ec in High School.
>"Okay class, Thursday, we're going to make cookies and cupcakes!"
>Thursday comes
>"I will form a group of four based on draws. Let reminder that what you get is what you have to work with. No second chances or extra ingredients."
>Group members are me, a girl, the know-it-all hotshot and his girlfriend
>We decide to pair up, two will do the cupcakes, two will do the cookies.
>We split the recipe and gather the ingredients
>I end up with the quiet girl
>"Alright guys, recipe says to.."
>Hotshot in the class tries to showoff
>"Pfft, we don't need a recipe"
>Dumps all the ingredients in a large bowl
>"What are you doing!? No!"
>"Relax, I got this under control"
>Everything explodes on our counter because he turned the hand mixer to max.
>He asks me for some flour
>"No, we need these for the cookies."
>"Fuck off man, it's just a bit of flour. Give me some!"
>Look him in the eye
>"Look fuckface, you already ruined the cupcakes by overmixing it while somehow retaining lumps of flour in the batter. I'm not going to let you ruin the cookies and further run our grades into the ground."
>Stares at me, then makes fun of me
>I ask the quiet girl for help, and she follows my instructions carefully
>Our cookies turned out pretty good.
>Cupcakes were a D because it tasted like bread, cookies were A, would've been A+ if it wasn't a tad overcooked
>Our average was a C+
>Hotshot insults me by calling it luck because I'm a fatty who watches Martha Stewart all day
>Ask him about his dad's wedding anniversary party
>Asks me how I found out about it
>Tell him that my family's bakery supplied the cakes and baked goods
>Gets told hard that he doesn't talk for the rest of the day

[Anonymous No.3862474]

My food tech partner in year 10 and 11 was completely stupid.

>Cooking fajitas
>Everything is ready all we need to do is to heat the tortillas
>go to heat them up in the microwave
>partner tells me to put them in a plastic carrier bag

>For part of our food tech coursework we had to modify one aspect of our meals and make four different versions (eg four pizzas each with a different cheese etc)
>my partners meal is chicken and something else
>he's modifying the seasonings
>he uses chicken wings but orders me to chop them up before cooking them
>I attempt to do this nearly impossible task and end up with as little chicken as possible
>Wanna know what his seasonings were?
>The only ones I remember were Chicken with lemon juice and Chicken with Salt and Pepper

How the guy ended up going to bakery college is beyond me.

[Anonymous No.3862490]

>>3862143
That's why they like it. Peppers have a flavor beyond the heat, and its usually a nice flavor at that.

[Anonymous No.3862521]

>Want a fried egg
>Get pan, turn on high
>crack egg in pan
>egg doesn't start cooking
>why isnt it cooking
>stare at it for like 3 minutes
>remember that I didn't add oil to the pan before adding the egg

[Anonymous No.3862540]

>>3862451
good story

[Ms. Bert No.3862545]

>>3862451
Hahaha, that's awesome.
*clap clap*

[Anonymous No.3862549]

>>3862451
you make me proud to be on /ck/

[Anonymous No.3862554]

>First tine home alone
>Crave baked goods
>Find a Shake N' Bake Brownies in the cupboard
>Put a bit too much water in the dough
>It doesn't fit totally in the shitty paper "pan", which it is supposed to be cooked in, that came with the box
>Fill it to the top
>Wobly as fuck
>Start spilling
>Think I better get this fucker in the oven asap
>Drop it on the oven door and into the oven
>Mom comes home
>Break down and cry
>We clean it up and she makes me home made brownies
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg

[Anonymous No.3862564]

>>3862554
Go hug your mom.

[Anonymous No.3862618]

>wake up at 3am
>be starving
>decide to make homemade pizza after i have some 2 minute noodles
>making dough
>oh fuck oh fuck what goes in here again
>forget quanties and everthing add what i remeber flour and butter
>its not right add water
>looks alright
>30 minutes later rolling it out
>oh fuck its not working
>throw it away and cry myself to sleep
has family coming over and they saw the dough in the garbage bin and laughed heartidly at me, i am the best bread, dough maker etc in the family and i felt dissapointed for not being able to make a simple pizza dough
ever since then i have a small book that i have that tells me recipes for things so when i wake up or am having a blank its there for me to read

[Anonymous No.3862693]

>>3857433
Fucking this.

[Anonymous No.3862719]

My family insists on cooking pasta for 16+ minutes. It's disgusting.

[Anonymous No.3862744]

>>3858321
Lol'd. Grandparents lived through the Depression. Remember finding the exact same thing.

[Anonymous No.3862860]

>>3857084
>worchestire
*Worcestershire
Pronounced wus-ter-shire