/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.20334006]

jesus FUCKING christ i'm trying to make a quiche and i can not find a SINGLE GOD DAMNED MOTHERFUCKING RECIPE for a lard dough, i mean in fucking grams.

like 100g flour 70g water 50g lard 8g salt

something like that from a reputable source i'm not some fucking idiot measuring flour with cups and shit

like holy fuck why does every stupid ass god damned website start off with some fucking expositional novel about the recipe you piece of shit i HATE you i HATE you I HATE YOU

[Anonymous No.20334014]

>>20334006
Why do you need a recipe? Just wing it.

[Anonymous No.20334020]

>>20334006
>i can not find a SINGLE GOD DAMNED MOTHERFUCKING RECIPE for a lard dough
>like holy fuck why does every stupid ass god damned website
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZ6xRA9hX9g

[Anonymous No.20334029]

>>20334006
Don't search for a dough recipe, search for "shortcust pastry recipe +metric"

[Anonymous No.20334033]

>>20334006
If euros are so big-brained why can't you just convert from customary to metric?

[Anonymous No.20334044]

>>20334014
because dough is a formula, not a recipe. there's a given formula to create a given product and i don't feel like wasting lard and flour trying to find out what the correct numbers are.

>>20334029
ok i'll try that

>>20334033
hey, you fat fucking virgin idiot, units of volume don't convert to units of weight.

[Anonymous No.20334050]

>>20334029
>shortcust pastry recipe +metric
https://www.daringgourmet.com/ultimate-pie-crust-recipe/

Get ready to make the BEST flavored and BEST textured pastry crust EVER! Buttery goodness meets perfect flakiness in this homemade lard pie crust recipe that takes less than 5 minutes to make and is sure to become your go-to from now on!

I think the original Goldilocks and the Three Bears must have been about pie crust instead of porridge because let’s face it, it’s really hard to find the perfect pie crust – Goldilocks’ pickiness would have been perfectly justified. And after sampling a lineup of them and being frustrated, I can’t blame Goldilocks for wanting to go lie down in pie-crust-tasting exhaustion. So for our pie crust and fairy-tale lovers alike, we present the ultimate pie crust recipe that even Goldilocks herself would approve!

>What is Pie Crust?
That might be obvious to many of us but this kind of pastry dough is known by different names in the English speaking world (see below). Pie crust is a pastry dough that calls for a minimum of half the amount of fat as flour by weight. Butter, lard, shortening or margarine are rubbed into plain flour and the mixture is then bound with a small amount of ice water to create a pastry dough that is rolled out to be used for both sweet and savory baked goods (e.g., fruit pies, meat pies, quiche, tarts, and hand-held pastries).
AHHHHHHHH I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL SOMEONE I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL SOMEONE I'M GOING TO DUMP .308 INTO A FUCKING RECIPE WEBSITE MAKER I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

[Anonymous No.20334069]

>>20334044
You can't figure that out, either?

[Anonymous No.20334071]

>>20334044
You know that you can Google "weight of 1 cup/1 liter of X in grams"? I convert all my recipes to weight from volume, pretty easy if you're not a fucking moron.

[Anonymous No.20334113]

>>20334071
>>20334069

no, you can't. converting volume to weight is not accurate. different flours, different fats, have different weights. it's pretty easy if you don't give a fuck about getting it right. if i wanted to experiment i'd be doing that instead of looking for the CORRECT formula.

what i'm looking for should be instantly accessible and the first result.

you stupid piece of shit i'll fucking kill you

[Anonymous No.20334115]

>>20334006
>i mean in fucking grams.
>something like that from a reputable source i'm not some fucking idiot measuring flour with cups and shit


learn to bake, idiot. you should know by look and feel whether your dough turned out right.

[Anonymous No.20334124]

>>20334115
you do not know how to bake. if you don't weigh everything in grams, on a scale, you do. not. know. how. to. bake.

your shit will come out different every time because you are too stupid and lazy to perform the first simple task of competence in baking. you fucking slug. you ignorant fucking piece of shit.

[Anonymous No.20334127]

>>20334113
Different flours also have different weights depending on humidity
So going by weight won't give you a precise measure for flours, either
Or, hear me out
Use the side of your measuring cup that's in customary

[Anonymous No.20334131]

>>20334124
You don't know how to bake, period, and I'm done helping you

[Anonymous No.20334134]

>>20334124
your shit will come out different every time anyway because you are not baking in a labratory environment.
your air pressure is not controlled. your ambient moisture is not controlled. your rinky dink home oven is heating unevenly.

your ancestors maked for thousands of years by sight and by feel! stop fetishizing and start baking, asshole.

[Anonymous No.20334138]

>>20334131
I KNOW how to bake. i'm a fucking amazing baker. I'm a killer baker. YOU do not know how to bake. YOU don't even have a recipe for lard crust.

>>20334127
i'm not looking for some STUPID BITCH tier recipe that works for incompetent fucking soccer moms half assed attempts. i'm looking for the STANDARD NOTATION french formula for a BASIC LARD CRUST.

>>20334134
you piece of shit. "oh i can't control atmospheric pressure might as not weigh my ingredients." get fucked. die. you're bad at it. AND NO, MY ANCESTORS HAD FUCKING SCALES AND USED THEM.

[Anonymous No.20334145]

>>20334006
Quiche doesn’t use dough retard. It’s an egg pie.

[Anonymous No.20334149]

>>20334138
>YOU don't even have a recipe for lard crust.
i make lard crust all the time, by volume. it's fantastic for meat pies.
if it feels wrong, i adjust as necessary. because i know how to bake.

you do not know how to bake. stop being an argumentative little bitch on the internet and go learn how to bake.

[Anonymous No.20334150]

>>20334124
>your shit will come out different every time
So? Are you cooking for clients or something? If you use the same ingredients between attempts, then any differences will be negligible abd unnoticable unless you're autistic about quiches.

[Anonymous No.20334167]

>>20334138
I could give you Escoffier's recipe but alas, it's in avoirdupois

[Anonymous No.20334175]

>>20334149
your lard crust FUCKING sucks.

>>20334150
I WANT THE FUCKING FORMULA IN GRAMS. and i have a *right* to this. i have a right for google to show me the fucking formula in grams, rather than FUCKING

https://pinchandswirl.com/lard-pie-crust/

>Once I discovered that a Lard Pie Crust is the flakiest, most flavorful crust there is, I’ve never looked back. A blend of rendered pork lard and high fat butter unite to create a rich, flavorful crust that accentuates both savory and sweet pies.

>When I say ‘lard,’ I don’t mean the highly processed, hydrogenated lard you’ll find lurking on grocery store shelves. Fortunately, excellent quality rendered leaf lard is available online and likely from your local butcher and/or farmers market or specialty grocery store. It’s worth seeking out to make this fluffy, flaky, delicately porky and delectable pie crust.

>Leaf lard is the highest grade of lard rendered from visceral fat surrounding pig kidneys. It has a very neutral flavor (very little pork flavor) which makes it ideal for pie crusts and baking in general as it makes a great non-hydrogenated alternative to shortening.

>The method for making pie crust or shortcrust pastry involves “cutting” the fat and flour into each other versus mixing them together. There’s a good reason for this technique and in order for it to work properly it’s imperative that the ingredients are very cold. The ingredients are kept cold so that the fat doesn’t melt too soon – instead the fat molecules remain intact in the pastry crust so that as the pastry heats during baking the fat slowly melts, creating airy “pockets” in the crust, making it nice and flaky.

I HATE YOU

>>20334167

DON'T WANT IT

[Anonymous No.20334265]

>>20334175
>https://pinchandswirl.com/lard-pie-crust/
that recipe lists everything in grams you stupid faggot

[Anonymous No.20334268]

>>20334006
It's 2024
We have AI, translators, Google, Perplexity, YouTube, Copilot even has a dedicated chatbot for cooking and fucking zoomers are on here whining they can't get information

[Anonymous No.20334297]

>>20334265
kek

[Anonymous No.20334334]

>>20334265
>>20334297

>https://pinchandswirl.com/lard-pie-crust/
holy shit are there bots on /ck/ that exist solely to piss me off?

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
▢1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
▢5 tablespoons lard ideally leaf lard (recipe note #1), chilled
▢4 tablespoons unsalted butter ideally high-fat, European style butter, chilled and cut into 1/2-inch cubes
▢4 tablespoons ice water or up to 5 tablespoons

you dumb fucking bitch, i will shove a duct knife down your fucking throat.

also not even the right fucking recipe

>>20334268

none of them work you fucking faggot. 10 years ago google would pull it right up.

[Anonymous No.20334346]

https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/recipes/tender-pie-crust-recipe

[Anonymous No.20334356]

>>20334346
>https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/recipes/tender-pie-crust-recipe


holy shit there might REALLY BE CHATBOTS ON CK SENT BY THE GOVERNMENT TO JUST MAKE ME MAD

>2 cups (213g) King Arthur Pastry Flour
1/2 to 1 teaspoon table salt
2 teaspoons granulated sugar, optional
3/4 cup (170g) lard, cold*
4 to 7 tablespoons (57g to 99g) ice water

does that look like a fucking formula to you, you stupid piece of shit? no. a proper recipe for any baking is in GRAMS. or OUNCES. or in fucking GRAINS. or in fucking DRAMS but it's in WEIGHT.

[Anonymous No.20334361]

You just keep rubbing more fat in until the consistency feels right.

[Anonymous No.20334369]

>i need a good recipe in grams for pie dough
>sure, here you go
>FUCK YOU
what did he mean by this?

[Anonymous No.20334385]

>>20334334
press the metric button you triple nigger

[Anonymous No.20334418]

>>20334369
ITS NOT IN GRAMS YOU STUPID FUCK

>>20334385
THERE'S NOT A CONVERSION FOR VOLUME TO WEIGHT YOU IGNORANT FUCKING RETARD

[Anonymous No.20334425]

>>20334418
sounds like a skill issue

[Anonymous No.20334427]

This is the one I use
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/234976/classic-lard-two-crust-pie-pastry/

[Anonymous No.20334432]

>>20334425
NO, I HAVE TONS OF SKILL

WHAT I DON'T HAVE IS A SEARCH ENGINE THAT CAN USE THE INTERNET TO FIND SIMPLE INFORMATION LIKE 'BASIC LARD CRUST RECIPE' EXPRESSED IN PROFESSIONAL TERMS.

>>20334427
>2 cups all-purpose flour

>1 teaspoon salt

>⅔ cup lard

>5 tablespoons ice water, or as needed

NOT A PROFESSIONAL FUCKING RECIPE

[Anonymous No.20334445]

>>20334432
It worked for me first try

[Anonymous No.20334482]

>>20334445
BET IT WAS SHIT

what part of this do you scrubs not understand. i'm looking for a PROFESSIONAL REFERENCE.

your bullshit faggot recipes for soccer moms obviously will produce a dough, that's not the point, that's not what i need, YOU STUPID NIGGERS ARE SO CLUELESS THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN COMPREHEND THE NEED FOR A GLOBAL WEIGHT BASED REFERENCE FOR A BAKER BUT APPARENTLY I NEED TO BE SUBSCRIBED TO A 900 DOLLAR A YEAR UNIVERSITY RESEARCH JOURNAL TO ACCESS THIS INFORMATION SINCE THE INTERNET HAS BEEN MADE USELESS BY FUCKING JEWS

[Anonymous No.20334487]

try this one, sorry the other anons aren't being helpful:
https://www.browneyedbaker.com/the-best-pie-crust-recipe/

[Anonymous No.20334499]

>>20334006
>100g flour
>70g water
>50g lard
>8g salt
Heres a good recipe my family has passed down for years anon.

[Anonymous No.20334521]

>>20334482
>>20334432
>>20334418
>>20334356
>>20334334
>>20334175
>>20334138
>>20334124
>>20334113
>>20334044
>>20334006
Kill yourself

[Anonymous No.20334594]

>>20334499
thank you, it looks good, pic related, just made it (doubled). but i used raw milk instead of water. making a feta-kalamata olive-spinach quiche.

>>20334521
EAT SHIT AND DIE FAGGOT

[Anonymous No.20334596]

>>20334594
Holy shit how drunk is you is

[Anonymous No.20334599]

>>20334499
>>20334594
ftr i mandolined frozen lard and used a kitchenaid mixer to get that fat-manifold linearity in the dough matrix

>>20334596
i'm actually smoking crack cocaine

[Anonymous No.20334600]

>>20334006
>make a quiche
Seek mental help ASAP anon. Quiche is an abominable food, no one should make that shit. Wanting to make quiche is an early side of suicidal tendencies.

[Anonymous No.20334617]

since i'm a REAL FUCKIN PRO i'm properly cheeseclothing the blanched 'inach.

>>20334600
dude fuck off, scrambled eggs in pie crust with cheese is a genius food-form

[Anonymous No.20334628]

minced frozen kerrigold - will it float? or will it have to go on top of the spinach?

[Anonymous No.20334641]

>>20334617
If you add cheese in the eggs it's called something else, I forget what, it's a tarte something
Quiche apart from quiche IIRC vosgienne only uses cheese as a topping

[Anonymous No.20334645]

>>20334641
really? i didn't know that. I just had a jar of seasoned feta and olives and figured i'd chop that up in eggs and it'd be pretty good. maybe it's a tarte, i dunno.

folded the edges in cuz it sounds cool

[Anonymous No.20334658]

>>20334594
Holy shit you said you were excellent at baking and that looks terrible

[Anonymous No.20334659]

>>20334645
Well you're making something and it's OC so all is forgiven
For now

[Anonymous No.20334664]

>>20334658
i AM excellent at baking, and you have no fucking idea what looks good and what looks bad, because you're an ignorant goofball. you wouldn't even know what to look for, you piece of shit. i was flipping bricks for mansa musa before you were shitting in diapers.

[Anonymous No.20334667]

>>20334006
the greatest nation on earth (u.s.a.) uses cups and tbsp and tsp. if you cant handle that you're a bad cook and should go back to eating mushy peas on toast.

[Anonymous No.20334674]

>>20334594
could you make a more uneven crust?
(no)

[Anonymous No.20334678]

>>20334667
no bakers in america use fucking cups and tsp. no chefs in america use cups and tsp.

you're such a stupid retard moron that you don't even know why pros use weight and amateurs use shit like cups or tsp.

i'll fucking kill you nigger

>>20334674

what are you? a major flaming lala homo nancy boy? it's a fuckin quiche who gives a shit, i aint serving it to any women. i just want to eat god damned eggs and crust.

[Anonymous No.20334692]

>>20334645
What the absolute fuck is that thing?

[Anonymous No.20334694]

>>20334678
im a chef at a Michelin star restaurant and i use cups every day.

[Anonymous No.20334713]

>>20334694
yeah, to hold the jizz you drink lol

>>20334692
a mandolin. its the second most dangerous thing i own, after that canister of tungsten hexafluoride from the 1940s i found in a storage unit full of shit stolen from an army base.

[Anonymous No.20334714]

>>20334678
cup my balls loser lol

[Anonymous No.20334717]

>>20334006
zoomer detected.

[Anonymous No.20334720]

>>20334645
Did you add any dijon mustard? I recommend some greek yogurt or olive tapenade as a topping with maybe some mild green onions.

[Anonymous No.20334729]

>>20334714
yeah you'd love that wouldn't you, you flaming queer


>>20334720
i almost did. then i remembered the jar of dijon i have is mixed with honey and horseradish. that was almost a disaster. i don't really have anything in my fridge except for butter, lard, raw milk, and eggs. i got the jar of olives and feta for 1 dollar in the discount bin at the liquor store yesterday.

[Anonymous No.20334732]

>this fucking fat spaz flipping out on everybody and posting pics of his gun.

[Anonymous No.20334737]

>>20334720
btw, honey horseradish dijon is the best sandwhich spread in the world for sandwhiches, and it's my own invention. never been done before.

>>20334732
well i'm not going to post pictures of a bomb (because i don't have one)

[Anonymous No.20334741]

its in the oven, it's going to be a minute. chill out you teenage emo niggers, go listen to some green day and cut your wrists for a bit.

[Anonymous No.20334749]

jesus it's cooking

[Anonymous No.20334751]

>>20334499
TRIPLE DUBBLES NIGGER
>>20334594
So what was the verdict on the recipe you used for your dough. Did you just use this recipe from >>20334499

[Anonymous No.20334755]

>>20334749
Looks like shit faggot lol

[Anonymous No.20334768]

>>20334751
well, as you can see, it's baking.
>>20334749

we'll know soon enough. yes, i used his recipe, doubled, with raw milk instead of water.

to be fair a lot of the quality of a pie crust like this is going to be in how well you control the temperature of the ingredients, and how you mechanically incorporate the fat. i mandolined 2mm slices of shelf stable lard, dusted it, froze it, and then minced it, and then pulsed it in the stand mixer until it was shaggy, then pressed it out by hand. the christ had a good manifold of fat lumps in the dough, so at least the proportions were sane enough.

>>20334755

bitch you wouldn't know a quiche if i melted the skin off your face with one.

[Anonymous No.20334775]

mmmm yummy yummy in your tummy tummy anon :3 looks delish ^___^ great job!

[Anonymous No.20334776]

>>20334775
uwu thanks

[Anonymous No.20334777]

>>20334334
press the metric button homo
>also not even the right fucking recipe
if you know the right recipe why are you throwing a tantrum on the internet retard?

[Anonymous No.20334780]

>>20334418
yes there is moron:
204 g all-purpose flour
▢1 1/2 g kosher salt
▢64 g lard ideally leaf lard (recipe note #1), chilled
▢56 g unsalted butter ideally high-fat, European style butter, chilled and cut into 1/2-inch cubes
▢60 g ice water or up to 5 tablespoons

[Anonymous No.20334784]

>>20334482

[Anonymous No.20334785]

>>20334678
put dad's .22 back in the cabinet

[Anonymous No.20334786]

>>20334050
That website seems frustrating, so here's a recipe for you OP

[Anonymous No.20334795]

>>20334777
listen here you ignorant little shit

there's no metric button. that doesn't exist you basic bitch walmart grade nonchef. you can't convert volume to weight accurately, not without experimentation based on a given stockpile. how many times do i HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS YOU IDIOT.

>>20334780
fucking fake. thats not even close to the right amount of salt. you'd put more salt into fucking wheat bread., and thats not even a real recipe for lard crust. someone in this thread already posted a formula they assured me was a traditional standard.

i think the government is sending bots to do nothing more than annoy me. this must be AI gangstalking chat algorithms that exist to irritate for no reason other than some CIA directors twisted amusement.

>>20334785
i will slop your brains into the fuckin cabinet, PUNK

[Anonymous No.20334797]

>>20334786
this isn't funny, stop gaslighting me

[Anonymous No.20334798]

>>20334795
put that gun in your mouth and stop posting. your fake temper tantrums are retarded.

[Anonymous No.20334803]

>>20334795
>ham hand

[Anonymous No.20334809]

damn, this quiche is bubbling.

>>20334798
or what you impoverished peon? you gonna cryyyyy about it wike a wittle baby?

[Anonymous No.20334819]

>>20334594
uhh that looks sticky... lard crust dough isn't normally sticky. Did you add yeast?

[Anonymous No.20334823]

>>20334729
If you got any onions you can fry some onions until crispy and use as a topping. I think quiches are great with sauces and toppings. I usually get some bacon in the beginning, cook those guys until crispy and save the fat for the dough.

[Anonymous No.20334826]

>>20334645
G3 or PTR? let me guess Cemetery arms. I'm still jealous

[Anonymous No.20334829]

>>20334795
>there's no metric button

[Anonymous No.20334832]

>>20334819
it looks sticky because i rolled it with my hands so it was shaped like an amoeba instead of a rectangle and so when i gently laid it in the pan i had to use the back of a knife to crimp off the extra and redistribute it to the parts that weren't tall enough to wrap over the edges of my tarte.

my last house burnt down (not my fault) and i just moved into this place and don't have a pie pan.

>>20334823

you're right, and i would, but i'm too wasted to drive. this is just an idea i had to use what i have in my sparse pantry

>>20334826
ptr, i wouldn't give century a dime, those faggoted monkeys got caught red handed headspacing g3's by grinding the back of the locking lug, which is borderline criminally negligent

[Anonymous No.20334833]

>>20334795
do this

[Anonymous No.20334834]

>>20334645
i'm not sure that thing will feed soft points reliably and normally they are a little too hot compared to nato 7.62 which is weak as fuck for some reason.

[Anonymous No.20334843]

>>20334006
>>20334113
>>20334124
>>20334138
>>20334175
>>20334334
>>20334356
>>20334418
>>20334432
>>20334482
>>20334795
seathe and dilate (((tranny)))

[Anonymous No.20334847]

aaand it's out

>>20334834
PTR's are calibrated to eat off the shelf hunting cartridges, which just means 3 more degrees of angle in the forcing wedge compared to softer shooting, thicker cased nato 7.62, similar to how PSG-1 was set up for hand loaded .308.

it feeds flawlessly. these are cartridges i made with starline brass, 150 grain flat bottom lead tips thin jacket, and 44 grains of IMR 4064, which is a slightly compressed charge. it's hot and hits 2925 on average. but it's never failed to cycle properly. and i've ran it as fast as my finger can go during driven shoots on pigs.

>>20334843
maybe you should seek therapy for the trauma i've caused you, i suggest seeing dr. based, he's a specialist in cringe behavioral disorders.

[Anonymous No.20334853]

>>20334847
i don't particularly enjoy the way you've conducted yourself in your thread, and suspect i would also dislike you in general, but i do like how the quiche turned out

[Anonymous No.20334857]

>>20334847
cope

[Anonymous No.20334859]

>>20334853
thanks

[Anonymous No.20334861]

>>20334847
looks like shit KYS

[Anonymous No.20334863]

>>20334847
not the anon you replied to but how is the g3 against pig? i hunted them once with a century arms FAL sometimes if they are got into groups.

[Anonymous No.20334868]

>>20334847
>all that bitching and it looks like shit
lmao you stupid fat cunt

[Anonymous No.20334873]

>>20334847
honestly op this looks pretty bad.

[Anonymous No.20334876]

>>20334861
>>20334868
>>20334873


god fuckin damn am i GOOD. look at this glorious savory tart. all you niggers saying you think it looks bad are just lying because you're neet incels that are offended by my abrasive personality.

the anon who gave me the secret traditional lard crust formula: badass dude thank you, i wrote it down in my cookbook.


>>20334863
well, it slings 150 grains at 2800-2900fps, at under 1moa despite being a 1950 design (the nitride barrels on PTR are more accurate than the chromed barrels on NATO stock) and the diopter sight allows you to collimate-aim with the front sight post, and it runs like a sewing machine, one of the most reliable auto-loading rifles ever made...

but it's a big brutal gun and it's brutal to operate. if you're not 6 feet tall you might have a rough time wielding it. it's not light and the ergonomics are definitely designed for people who are about to die in the irradiated hellscape of conventional warfare on the scorched remains of eastern europe.

i just vibe with the doom rifle aspect of it. and ruggedness/reliability is my primary criteria in firearms.

[Anonymous No.20334887]

>>20334876
>but it's a big brutal gun and it's brutal to operate. if you're not 6 feet tall you might have a rough time wielding it.
maybe you'd have an easier time with it if your fat ass laid off the shitty quiches and got some cardio

[Anonymous No.20334893]

>>20334876
Try cooking the crust through on the bottom next time. Looks way too thick.

[Anonymous No.20334896]

dude... this shit is soo flaky, crispy, crunchy, and the filling is so savory and custardy. amazing... amazing. whoever posted that lard crust recipe was legit.

>>20334893
dude, look at the bottom. it's golden brown and crunchy. what are you talking about there's like a thin layer of egg and veg at all on top, the rest is just puffy crunchy pastry.

[Anonymous No.20334903]

>>20334876
KEK you never even realized the "secret traditional lard crust formula" was literally the exact same measurements you posted as an estimation in the OP.

[Anonymous No.20334907]

>>20334903
Of course he did dummy

[Anonymous No.20334908]

>>20334903

[Anonymous No.20334912]

look at how flaky and layered this simple, rough rolled, shaggy pie dough came out. perfect.

>>20334887
buddy, i'm a motherfucking slayer. i've killed over a hundred animals. some of them with scissors. i've put two men into the emergency room with my hands. one of them was my stepfather. when i was 11 my drunken abusive stepfather made me shoot 3 alpacas in the head at 5am during a blizzard (that side of the family was ruined by the alpaca pyramid scheme) i can run a 7 minute mile at 260lbs, and i can pick up a transmission off the ground at work and put it on a work table. without wearing gloves. i shot a 60 year old drunk guy to death in the hallway of the family farm i lived on until i got rich. well, he died a day later because it was just a bunch of .22lr, but i still hear the sounds he made in nightmares sometimes. when my LTR gf cheated on me i fucked her best friend one week later. then i fucked the 50 year old woman that hooked us up in the first place. i walked 2500 miles across the USA with a 70lb ruck, sleeping in ditches by the highway, no tent, even in the rain. i manufactured nearly a kilogram of NN-DMT when i lived in syracuse NY and once, i smoked it while i was driving a car on the highway. that'd kill an average man, but i managed to stay conscious. i could pop your fucking head off and it'd make a sound like a can of spray paint.

>>20334903
no, i used >>20334499 , but yes, it was the same as my estimations. that's how i knew it was right.

[Anonymous No.20334918]

>>20334903
wait fuck, i think i just got played. but im a survivor and the quiche is bomb

[Anonymous No.20334924]

>>20334863
.308 is a great hog round, IMHO its on the stronger side of whats necessary with 30-30 being the norm around my area then again my neighbor shoots groundhogs with a 7mm mag so what do i know.

[Anonymous No.20334929]

>>20334006
>why does every stupid ass god damned website start off with some fucking expositional novel about the recipe
advertising, dumbass. if you have to scroll down five times to get to the actual recipe, the site will load five times as many adverts and thus generate more money for the site owner. it sucks but it is what it is. bbc doesn't advertise so generally bbc food is a better way to find recipes

[Anonymous No.20334937]

>>20334924
yeah I usually hunt them with my bolt action rifle in 7.62x39 which almost has the same ballistics of 30-30. the fal is just like what you said. a rugged ass gun that kicks like a fuck and is heavier than a bag of bricks. but 7.62x39 it such a fun and cheap round to smash hogs with. i know a lot of guys are using ars in .300 blackout.

[Anonymous No.20334938]

>>20334924
it is, but around here there's guys way more serious than me about killing hogs and yotes in as great of numbers as humanly possible, and they run the cheapest 5.56 they can find in 5000 round boxes just because ultimately it's a lower price per kill. they're also using 5000 dollar thermals and NV and shit though. so for casual seasonal hunters, like me and most others, who just want a pig and a deer or two a year, .308 is perfect because of how deadly, accurate, and flat shooting it is, but serious hunters that are killing ungodly amounts of animals, .308 is a bit too expensive. those guys are just unloading entire pallets of cheap AK and AR bullets into the wildlife. for me if stuff just sits down and i don't have to look for it and they don't suffer much, i'm happy, and i don't think there's a better all-around cartridge on earth than .308 winchester. i mean what the fuck can't it do?

>>20334929
well it's unacceptable.

[Anonymous No.20334939]

>>20334912
buddy, i'm a motherfucking slayer.
a slayer of pies lmao

[Anonymous No.20334946]

Alright, good thread guys, quiche came out great, thank you for all your help. if there's nothing else i can do for you, i'll take questions, and then i've got to go lean up against the wall and beat off to my chrome hearts boots, and splooge all over my 170 year old 17,000 dollar rug.

[Anonymous No.20334957]

>>20334946
where do you usually get all your recipes for doughs?

[Anonymous No.20334968]

>>20334957
i perform a satanic ritual that involves harvesting the loosh of weaker men in imageboards by instigating them to aggro against the image of strength, which opens them up to demonic interference.

then i just clear my mind until it becomes as still and calm as a lake on a windless day, and my heart becomes like the reflection of the sky on that lake. in that moment of timeless openness, i reach out into the pregnant void with my query , involving ratios of material foodstuffs, and kind of just numbers float into my head.

it's basically like training your intrusive thoughts to be actually useful information. i think the mechanism is basically massively parallel processing that occurs at the layer of flesh where your nervous system goes from living tissue to inorganic molecules, basically where consciousness meshes with matter. since everything has meaning, and everything effects everything else, at an unconscious level, every sentient soul actually possesses all possible knowledge.

in the same way that you can see some nigger walking down the street and based on a thousand minor variables that mean little or nothing on their own, and which you can't consciously, logically process, the back of your mind, the instinct or gut, comes up with an instantaneous answer to the threat level he does or does not pose, and communicates that to you through physical sensations clustered around your vagus nerve bundle. like i always say - thoughts are literally just the sounds that emotions make.

i mean, the quiche did come out perfect despite being frustrated in finding the exact knowledge i wanted and that feeling of anger i had was converted into a dead guess that turned into the exact correct answer of 4 numbers, so probably all that shit i just said is actually true.

[Anonymous No.20334985]

>>20334006
HEE HEE
SHAMONA
AYWOULKI

[Anonymous No.20334986]

>>20334006
you are a dumb unresourceful nigger, there are plenty of websites for conversions of recipes
fucking stupid fucking nigger, ask me how i know youre ass at cooking
youre too fucking dumb to google shit no way your food is good retard
low iq brain rotted tard shit

[Anonymous No.20334990]

>>20334986
ask me how i just made something better than anything you've ever made in your entire fuckin life lol i fuckin clown on your goofy ass

[Anonymous No.20335003]

>>20334946
What is your opinion on the jews

[Anonymous No.20335006]

>>20334795
why did you wrap a ball of dough around your pistol?

[Anonymous No.20335007]

>>20335003
most of them are good people and i like the ones that aren't weak little worms. but all of them must be destroyed. nothin personal just how it is

[Anonymous No.20335009]

>>20335006
so i'd have something to snack on after blowing your stupid fuckin brains out on the margielas in my benz truck

[Anonymous No.20335016]

>>20335009
do you have to ride in the bed cause you cant fit in the front?

[Anonymous No.20335017]

>>20335016
yeah, when i'm in your moms asshole thats exactly what its like lol

[Anonymous No.20335025]

>>20335017
>pussy available
>goes directly for the asshole
confirmed gay homo detected

[Anonymous No.20335027]

>>20335025
it's just that my cock won't fit in your moms little cunt. believe me I tried. she spread it and let me take a deep snip of that Mahi Mahi. I gave that pussy a raspberry, still couldn't squeeze it in.

[Anonymous No.20335034]

>>20334113
>>20334968
First time in /ck/ and your schizos are incredible.

[Anonymous No.20335036]

>>20335034
i ball so hard they thought i was a fuckin nutsack

https://youtu.be/uBjNDd6tOM8

[Anonymous No.20335139]

>>20334006
>why does every stupid ass god damned website start off with some fucking expositional novel about the recipe you piece of shit
Because they're written by women.

[Anonymous No.20335936]

>>20335034
i am not insane. im not crazy.

[Anonymous No.20335942]

It's just shortcrust pastry my dude.

[Anonymous No.20336129]

>>20335942
everything is 'just' something, my dude

[Anonymous No.20336135]

>>20334044
>DoUgH iS a FoRmUlA!
>food sucks anyway
god I hate redditor midwits

[Anonymous No.20336140]

>>20336135
yeah, except it was fucking killer, and you could NEVER, in your entire fucking LIFE, make a crust like me. you'll NEVER EVER get it as crispy and flaky as me because you SUCK at making food, because you're STUPID and can't THINK GOOD

BITCH

[Anonymous No.20336143]

>>20336135
i have killed a man before, you are a virgin

[Anonymous No.20336159]

>>20334617
>feminine wrists
ngmi

[Anonymous No.20336169]

>>20336159
those wrists have put men into the emergency room. i dominate you.

[Anonymous No.20336172]

>>20336169
>bragging about fisting your gay partner wrong and sending him to the hospital

[Anonymous No.20336175]

>>20334020
I aint tryna read no goddamn book, I just wanna make a damn quiche

[Anonymous No.20336177]

>>20336172
i'm talking about beating your face and slamming your head against the ground until you're injured enough to require medical intervention, which i can do to you, because i am stronger than you, and i am smarter than you, and i am crueler than you. my testicles are larger than yours. you are a weak, soft little guy. you're not a man like i am.

[Anonymous No.20336201]

>>20336177
Brother I will shove your shitty quiche lard dough, your quiche lard dough that sucks because you tried to follow a FORMULA but you're such a fucking 110 IQ midwit that you can't even do simple math like proportions and you used way too much of your artisan Canadian germ flour and wasted $14 USD on a shitty dry dough but your ego is too fragile to admit that you suck balls and are too stupid to cook, I will take that quiche and shove it so far up your prolapsed anus that you will have a Ratatouille flashback to your boarding school days. I am going to skullfuck you with your shitty quiche, I will shove it in one of your gay feminine ears and pull it out the other, and the dough will break and crumble easily because you suck at cooking, leaving dry dough crumbles in your skull cavity for the rest of your miserable life as a reminder to your failures. I am going to take your quiche pan, use the removable bottom as a Frisbee and pretend I'm Oddjob when I bash your nose in with it, then I'll take the sides and shove it down your fat head and it will be a crown. You will be Princess Quiche, graceful monarch of the gay redditor midwits who can't cook for shit even though they buy all the meme ingredients and got a fucking kitchen scale like a gaywad.

[Anonymous No.20336210]

>>20336201
didn't read lol

[Anonymous No.20336229]

>>20334006
>uses American word for pastry
>gets upset at American results

many such cases

[Anonymous No.20336255]

>>20334006
With butter (which the normal, human way of doing a quiche) it's half the amount of flour

[Anonymous No.20336258]

>>20334006
>uses American word for pastry
>gets upset at American results

many such cases

[Anonymous No.20336262]

>>20334847
Suddenly I don't feel so bad about my own cooking

[Anonymous No.20336268]

>>20336255
>butter crust

disturbingly stupid. butter melts too easy and makes crusts that are soft and not flaky. you might as well make bread because you're not going to make a crispy shortcrust with butter.

which is why you use lard or tallow, which is cheaper and much higher performance. what are you, clueless?

[Anonymous No.20336273]

>>20336262
yeah, you should you sad little neet. because your cooking sucks and you can't cook. but i can. i can cook really good, because i'm smart, which you are not. it's really easy, why can't you do it as good as me?

[Anonymous No.20336275]

>>20336255
also no it isn't lol? you'd get half as much dough dumbass

[Anonymous No.20336300]

>>20336172
kek

[Anonymous No.20336309]

>>20336300
>"kek"
you've never had sex with a woman

[Anonymous No.20336344]

>>20334903
This is just fucking awesome. At least OP (says he) made a good quiche despite the fuckers happening here.

[Anonymous No.20336358]

>>20336344
you tell me.

>>20334896
does this look crispy, crunch, and flaky? hell yeah it does because it is

[Anonymous No.20336363]

ok, i have to go drive 40 miles to buy two gallons of raw milk, this is my sunday routine. i maintain a speed over 100mph for 15 minutes because there's no speed limits on two lane highways in westminster texas

[Anonymous No.20336367]

>>20336268
>>20336275
You are the epitome of Dunning Kruger.

[Anonymous No.20336370]

>>20334896
Next time use chopsticks so we don't have to see your disgusting fingers.

[Anonymous No.20336385]

>>20336370
you'll see these fingers when i pluck your fucking eyes out with them, bitch.

>>20336367
anyone who has ever used the term 'dunning kruger' is a fucking weakling. the ONLY people who ever use it are people who CAN NOT PHYSICALLY DEFEND THEMSELVES and so they try really hard to be good little boys and believe their teachers!

[Anonymous No.20336387]

>>20336367
hey lets see your shitty fucking food i want to laugh, you probably don't even have the courage to leave your room and use mommies kitchen lol

[Anonymous No.20336556]

>>20334847
Man, you don't know much about guns, either
Although yes of course PTR is better than Century

[Anonymous No.20336571]

>>20334903
Champion

[Anonymous No.20336596]

>>20336556
you dumb motherfucker. i know more about guns than you, you stupid piece of shit.

[Anonymous No.20336602]

>>20336596
I know you should use one on yourself.

[Anonymous No.20336605]

>>20336602
you hate me because i'm better than you, and that's why i'll always be better than you, because i only hate people that i'm better than, and never hate anyone that's better than me.

[Anonymous No.20336615]

>>20336596
I'm literally a former baker who works in the gun industry
I'm sure IRL we'd have a good chat and a hearty laugh

[Anonymous No.20337587]

>Hoppette posting has spread beyond /k/
Please no

[Anonymous No.20337622]

>>20334876
>neet incels
so you're a roastie who cant cook unless a man instructs you on a website but we're the incels because you needed our help to make some fucking stiff crust.

You realize you have such problems with recipes because you are incompetent right? that all our NERD INCEL TIME has led us to be ablle to navigate a website without ads or other bullshit or skim past it in search results while you click every goyslop network ad and drive it's traffic to the top like the train of rubberless cocks you service in an effort to seem liberated and a girlboss?

I can think of like 20 channels and 5 websites I would trust to find the recipe you asked for but you're so stupid you couldn't find the answer without screaming at co/ck/s while simultaneously blaming us for you hitting the wall.

[Anonymous No.20337715]

>>20334044
>dough is a formula
You are not a cook.

[Anonymous No.20338845]

>>20337715
Yeah I would say there is not such thing as an absolutely true formula for all dough. Usually doughs are made by trial and error to get the one you absolutely love. But I think OP just wanted a typical, hand proven lard crust recipe because he didnt want to waste his ingredients on experimenting with shit.

[Anonymous No.20338935]

>>20334006
Is that hop?

[Anonymous No.20339520]

>>20337587
>>20338935
Did he finally troon out? I figured it was only a matter of time.

[Anonymous No.20340803]

>>20334912
>LTR gf
loser tranny retard gf?
sounds about right

[Anonymous No.20341620]

>>20336255
Butter in a savory crust like a Quiche? Thats fucking ultra downy retard thinking right there. You dont use butter for these things because butter will melt quicker and make your crust soft and not as crispy. Not to mention it will be harder to work into the dough becuase of its low melting point. Always use shortening or neutral rendered animal fats for savory (or even sweet crusts) if you want a crispy flakey texture instead of a shitty soggy soft mess of shit.

[Anonymous No.20341738]

>>20334044
>i don't feel like wasting lard and flour trying to find out what the correct numbers are.
ie I DON'T LIKE HAVING FUN

[Anonymous No.20341769]

Holy shit what a fucking sperg. I bet all europeans are like this autist.