/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.19560873]

'Every adult male should know, or at the very least endeavor to learn, how to make a very fine burger. And, with all due respect to the late documentarian, Chef Anthony Bourdain, "In-and-Out" isn't even close in that regard.'

- Chef Julian Slowik

[Anonymous No.19560910]

>le burger is so epicly manly
I'd rather a man know how to perfectly sear a salmon filet or be really good at pastries. No one besides beard-oil wearing millennials cares about how well you can cook a burger.

[Anonymous No.19560916]

>>19560873
with all due respect to the late documentarian, Chef Anthony Bourdain, "In-and-Out" didn't get cucked and kill themselves

[Anonymous No.19560927]

'If the though of a tomato even enters your mind when preparing bolognese then you are not a chef, you are not even a cook, you are scum.'

- Chef Julian Slowik

[Anonymous No.19560931]

>>19560916
I did some stuff with his ex wife, nothing major just dry humping over the clothes and some foot stuff

[Anonymous No.19560937]

>>19560873
i still like bourdain,apart from his last 8 years of life

[Anonymous No.19560944]

'In all my years of cheffing I have never one met the Burger King, and that is because he does not exist.'

- Chef Julian Slowik

[Anonymous No.19560948]

>>19560931
my man

[Anonymous No.19560951]

>>19560944
kek

[Anonymous No.19560985]

>>19560927
You put a bit of tomato paste in a bolognese sauce though

[Anonymous No.19560996]

>>19560985
a bolognese "sauce"?

[Anonymous No.19561001]

There is no God but Allah and Mohammed is His Prophet.

- Chef Julian Slowik

[Anonymous No.19561009]

"of course pineapple on pizza is fine, there is no recipe for pizza"
- Chef Julian Slowik

[Anonymous No.19561019]

>>19561009
thats true though. its your pizza get what you want
get fucking toenails and woodlice on it for all i care

[Anonymous No.19561025]

I wipe my bottom with my bare hands for cultural reasons.
- Chef Julian Slowik

[Anonymous No.19561030]

its your pizza get what you want
get fucking toenails and woodlice on it for all i care

- Chef Julian Slowik

[Anonymous No.19561034]

"For me, it's the McChicken. The best fast food sandwich. I even ask for extra McChicken sauce packets and the staff is so friendly and more than willing to oblige.

One time I asked for McChicken sauce packets and they gave me three. I said, "Wow, three for free!" and the nice friendly McDonald's worker laughed and said, "I'm going to call you 3-for-free!".Now the staff greets me with "hey it's 3-for-free!" and ALWAYS give me three packets.

It's such a fun and cool atmosphere at my local McDonald's restaurant, I go there at least 3 times a week for lunch and a large iced coffee with milk instead of cream, 1-2 times for breakfast on the weekend, and maybe once for dinner when I'm in a rush but want a great meal that is affordable, fast, and can match my daily nutritional needs.

I even dip my fries in McChicken sauce, it's delicious! What a great restaurant."

- Chef Julian "3-for-free" Slowik

[Anonymous No.19561089]

>>19561034
too far. you go too far sir.

Chef Slowik demands seppuku

[Anonymous No.19561112]

>>19561089
thank you chef i will do the needful

[Anonymous No.19561118]

>>19560996
Didn't ask + Your food is shit + L + Ratio

[Anonymous No.19561150]

And that's why I salt my cutting board and not my steak.

- Chef Julian Slowik

[Anonymous No.19561155]

>>19560910
poofta take there lad

[Anonymous No.19561160]

>>19561034
I chuckled

[Anonymous No.19561543]

>>19561150
holy shit... I actually do this.

[Anonymous No.19561547]

>>19561160
I didn't.

[Anonymous No.19561559]

I've Never Murdered Anyone In My Life. The Decisions Were Up To Them.

- Chef Julian Slowik

[Anonymous No.19561566]

never really understood the appeal of a burger
how i met your mother popularized the idea of a burger so much that stands to this day
what a retarded show

[Anonymous No.19561603]

>>19560873
Bourdain was a piece of shit and I'm glad he's dead.

[Anonymous No.19561679]

>>19561603
Tony felt the same as you, actually.

[Anonymous No.19562572]

>>19561566
This post is the exact reason why I hate this board and refuse to believe anyone posting is genuine.
This stupid motherfucker actually thinks a mid 2000s show is the reason why burgers are popular when they’ve been slung in kitchens for 150+ years. Stupid dipshit.

[Anonymous No.19562591]

>>19561679
>>19561603

Yep. If you read his books, especially Medium Raw which he wrote when he was already kind of a star, it's clear he was a self-destructive being who hated his fans and to a certain extent hated himself. He hated American food culture, he hated the way Americans ""travel,"" and he was very correct in those views. He was in a position moderate cultural influence yet also powerless to change the things he wanted to, while battling his own demons at the same time. There's not a lot of mystery about his suicide once you dig a little deeper.

[Anonymous No.19562602]

>>19562591
>he hated the way Americans ""travel,""
How Americans travel though?

[Anonymous No.19562604]

>>19562572
...
You do realise that
1) not everyone is American
2) just how retarded popular HIMYM was internationally and
3) hamburgers aren't popular everywhere

While it's unlikely, it's not impossible that the site influenced the popularity of hamburgers wherever Anon lives

[Anonymous No.19562620]

>>19562602
Nobody knows but rumors say they really do

America america America America America america America

[Anonymous No.19562622]

In N Out is cheap, fresh, delicious, and consistent
They pay their workers competitive wages and offer opportunities to advance within the company which can lead to making a good living, even as a burger manager
They love and appreciate the holiness of Christ and God and the white man

What exactly is there to even hate? It always just comes off as jealousy because there isn't one where you live.

[Anonymous No.19562844]

>>19560927
What would he think about adding carrot?

[Anonymous No.19562941]

Yesterday was the worst dinner I have ever had. I make a rule of not socializing with coworkers, and I should not have broken it. This may take 2 posts, it was THAT bad.

6 coworkers met at someone's house yesterday under the pretense of "Irish stew". I grudgingly accepted the invitation and arrived at 2 pm (when I was told to come). I brought traditional soda bread that had to be baked first. The host made a bit of a stink about using the oven when he had other things in there, but I told him I wanted it fresh.

The stew was still cooking and the host was already drinking alcohol at this time. In the middle of a conversation with a member of the opposite sex, the host tells me, "Please, no talk about politics. PLEASE not today". I said if more people talked about politics we would be in a better country, and he got very argumentative so I just dropped it.

I was drinking apple juice that I brought over and the host kept trying to get me to have a beer. He was obviously intoxicated and starting saying how maybe I would be relaxed and "cooler" if I had some alcohol. It was pathetic, like peer pressure from a high school TV show.

Anyway, at that point I became withdrawn and went for a walk. I came back right before dinner, and that is when the fun started.

He made "Irish stew" with beef, carrots, Worcestershire sauce, black pepper, hot sauce, oregano, tomato, and various ingredients. I started telling others that proper Irish stew should only contain mutton, potato, onion, and water, and that beef, tomato, black pepper, hot sauce, and other ingredients would not be available then and therefore it was a modern stew, not Irish stew.

We started eating and someone asked me about what I had said about real Irish stew. The host looked annoyed so I told him. He turned red and told me if I didn't like it I could "get the fuck out and take my apple juice with me".

- Chef Julian Slowik

[Anonymous No.19562950]

>>19560910
this millenial reddit cross poster is a tremendous faggot

[Anonymous No.19562983]

I was shocked and speechless. He left the room and his girlfriend (they are unmarried but live together) apologized. Eventually, people started talking more comfortably and he came back and was brooding and drinking more.

The stew was okay, but not authentic. I asked him if he knew that mutton was on sale at a local store and he flew into a tirade, bringing up any small error or faux pas I have ever committed at work. People were trying to calm him down, and I simply responded to him in a quiet and calm voice, and said that I appreciated his invitation and his "take" on Irish stew, but it would have been nicer if the company had been more warm.

He got up and pulled me out of the chair, stretching my sweater at the neck. He was literally screaming in my face and had his fist up in a threatening manner.

I told him I would call the cops if he hit me. He then told me to get out and take my "fucking juice and shit bread" with him. A second loaf was still in the oven with 7 minutes left, and I said I wasn't leaving until it was cooked and I could take it.

He shouted at me to leave or he would call the cops ON ME (imagine) and then threw the bread out of the oven on the ground. I was shaking with emotions and told the group that I enjoyed my time with them but I couldn't say the same about the host.

It was a horrible affair, but I decided to make authentic Irish stew today, because I was let down yesterday and had a hankering for it. It is simmering on the stove and I plan on bringing it to lunch tomorrow, one bowl for me and some for the host. It will be a subtle form of revenge as well as a way to show him that I am a better cook and am the more mature, forgiving person.

Any other stories of hosts from hell? People who cannot act respectful towards others in their own home should not have dinner parties.

- Chef Julian Slowik

[Anonymous No.19562995]

>>19562941
>>19562983
You don't attribute mid-way through a story just because it takes up multiple posts. Didn't they teach Chef Julian Slowik anything in school? It's like if a letter spans two pages.

[Anonymous No.19563005]

>>19560873
'For me, it's always been Secret Aardvark™ hot sauce.'
- Chef Julian Slowik

[Anonymous No.19563016]

>>19560910
this nigga making PASTRIES

[Anonymous No.19563017]

>>19560873
I kinda enjoyed this movie.
I like cooking and like a good meal. Half the “foodies” out there have no idea how to cook and/or will spend hundreds on a fancy dinner and not remember anything the next day.
Also most chefs are insufferable millennial redditors with mustache and bacon tattoos covering their forearms

[Anonymous No.19563056]

>>19562620
Can you believe America, even Americans?

[Anonymous No.19563062]

>>19562622
20% people over-hyping them, 80% hatred for popular+Californian.
Worth it so long as people keep hating California.

[Anonymous No.19563087]

>>19563005
Ok, people! This is not how the meme is supposed to work... you are supposed to think of something Slowik might actually say, in character!

[Anonymous No.19563108]

>>19563017
I liked most of it except the ending

[Anonymous No.19563139]

>>19560873
i made some veggie burgers without a recipe and they were good. can i go now? you're boring and annoying.

[Anonymous No.19563706]

>>19560948
>Fieri, October 2012: “Everybody’s been asking me, ‘What on earth are you going to say at Bourdain’s roast? He’s been shit-talking your name everywhere.’ And I’ve been saying, ‘Don’t you worry about me. I won’t touch him with a 10-pole, because smack-talking Bourdain would be like hitting a piñata full of shit.’ Real messy. I want everyone to understand that I’m going to be the bigger man. I’m going to take the high road. I wouldn’t dare come up here and call Anthony Bourdain any of these things that people have called him: No-good, loud mouth, jerkoff, wannabe authority, pseudo rebel, nerd, shit-talking, blow hard, celebrity-seeking, Eric-Ripert coattail, Mario Batali ass-kissing hate monger... Jose Canseco of the food world, snaggle tooth, Lurch-looking motherfucker. No, I’m here to take the high road.”

>Fieri, October 2012: "Anthony, I gotta ask a question, why do you hate me so much brother? ... Is it because you went to a fancy culinary school and I didn’t? I hear you’re the only one in class who did most of his cooking with a spoon and a Bic lighter."

[Anonymous No.19564025]

>>19563706
what a dick. fat fuck. joker, shit show too, obvious to anyone who's seen it.

[Anonymous No.19564172]

Sometimes I buy the cheapest patties and buns because the preservatives and chemicals just hit a certain way fresh beef and buns dont

[Anonymous No.19564179]

>>19564025
Yeah but he's Republican and supports Trump. What do you think now?

[Anonymous No.19564213]

>>19560873
this movie was lame and had a really dumb premise

[Anonymous No.19564689]

>>19564179
>Yeah but he's Republican and supports Trump. What do you think now?
good man, actually. non-tranny or gay.

[Anonymous No.19564700]

>>19560873
>"In-and-Out" isn't even close in that regard.'

Yeah I mean when you pump out burgers on an industrial scale and quantity I doubt each and every one will be a work of culinary art Lol

"feeding the masses" usually includes that food being average to some degree. average to acceptably tasty.

[Anonymous No.19564707]

>>19560873
Burgers don't require any skill or taste.

[Anonymous No.19565029]

"You cut your fresh pasta to the exact length that pleases you yet when I snap my spaghetti, you act a fool. Do Americans really?"

- Chef Julian Slowik

[Anonymous No.19565044]

2 minutes is the optimal time to cook noodles

- Chef Julian Slowik

[Anonymous No.19565052]

Dont trust anyone who calls the savory profile "Umami"

- Chef Julian Slowik

[Anonymous No.19565064]

op is a fag

- Chef Julian Slowik

[Anonymous No.19565326]

There is no chili if beans are added, not here not anywhere

-Chef Julian T. Slowik

[Anonymous No.19565340]

>>19561019
No it isn't. Pineapple on pizza should be a capital offense, it's fucking gross, and I've written people off entirely just for saying they like it. No, it's not good on a """hawaiian" with ham either. It's objectively the worst thing you can put on a pizza other than actual human shit, piss, or cum.

[Anonymous No.19565342]

>>19565340
-Chef Julian T. Slowik

[Anonymous No.19565344]

Regular reminder that Bourdain was a spoiled rotten rich kid who decided to sabotage his own life in order to spite his parents for giving him everything he ever wanted apart from letting him smoke weed in his bedroom like his cool school friends, so he saw a nigger deliberately burn his hand to prove a retarded point and though "I could be that nigger". His tough guy, all black, yeah I said fuck whatcha gonna do about it persona is there to mask a VERY privileged upbringing and expensive education, but even then he still had to go begging to mommy and daddy to get into the CIA and to get Kitchen Confidential published after noone gave the slightest shit about his novel about a super edgy chef who is also a detective. And to cap off his role as a piece of shit, not content with ruining his own life he decided to utterly fuck over his daughter as well by necking himself over his latest whore cucking him with a teenage boy.

[Anonymous No.19565345]

"In-n-out is a fine burger chain and I only said that it wasn't because some dipshit writer thought it sounded edgy, my only real complaint is their small portion sizes for the price compared to other establishments."
- Chef Julian Slowik

[Anonymous No.19565357]

>>19561118
Really is crazy that we have a generation of people who can only speak like this. This dork would stutter and forget his string of words if he tried to recite this to somebody off the internet.

[Anonymous No.19565361]

>>19565357

>T..thanks, y...you too!

[Anonymous No.19565380]

>>19560873
LOL! JUST COOK WAGESLAVE

[Anonymous No.19565387]

>>19560910
>erm ACKHUALLY making bread is-

gay. you are gay.

[Anonymous No.19565394]

>>19565387
Knowing how to cook bread isn't gay. Being a pastry chef is definitely gay tho.

[Anonymous No.19565477]

>>19565340
reddit moment

[Anonymous No.19565485]

>>19565477
Go to italy and say you want pineapple on pizza and see if they don't call you a faggot

[Anonymous No.19565489]

>>19561155
Working class people can't even cook burgers

[Anonymous No.19565497]

>>19565485
nobody is impressed with your attempt at pretention.

[Anonymous No.19565501]

>>19565485

They'll put pineapple on the pizza. Actual businesses don't give a shit about your epic internet battle.

[Anonymous No.19565508]

>>19565497
nobody is impressed by pineapple on pizza and if they say they are they have no soul
>>19565501
I'd shit in your mouth and smash your balls with a cinderblock if you paid me enough and I'd still call you a weird faggot for having asked

[Anonymous No.19565519]

>>19565508

Your feigned outrage over something the internet told you to be outraged about makes you look VERY cool.

[Anonymous No.19565521]

>>19562604
>hamburgers aren't popular everywhere
theres burger places in iran and North Korea bro