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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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19556598 No.19556598 [Reply] [Original]

A Cooking Story

This shit looks like what I'll need.

>> No.19556600

>>19556598
delete this thread and kys

>> No.19556601
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19556601

>>19556598
Forget looking something up online, the dough comes with some basic instructions. I'll just go off that more or less.

>> No.19556605

>>19556598
damn. even when I was 15 I had more dignity than this guy

>> No.19556606
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19556606

>>19556601
Grease the pan with olive oil.

>> No.19556607

>>19556598
you are on the right path my friend

>> No.19556609

you had me with the honey

>> No.19556610
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19556610

>>19556606
Grease the rest of the dough cause fuck it, why not?

>> No.19556612

>>19556607
don't encourage this behavior even as a joke. OP should be ashamed of himself.

>> No.19556615

>honey

....but why? You already have enough sugar from the sauce

>> No.19556618
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19556618

>>19556610
Bake it for 400 in my top oven.

>> No.19556619

>>19556615
For drizzling on the finished pizza, are you retarded?

>> No.19556621

>>19556609
>>19556615
duality

>> No.19556625
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19556625

>>19556618
Looks fine so far.

>> No.19556626

>>19556619
>>19556621
Trogdolittes

>> No.19556627

>>19556619
only literal faggots do that

>> No.19556629

>>19556615
The sauce has sugar? Asking because I don't have that kind here. I usually just add some herbs and spices to passata

>> No.19556630

>>19556598
>premade dough
>pregrated cheese
>canned sauce
i'd feel like a failure of a parent if i saw my son make this

>> No.19556634
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19556634

>>19556625
Grease the top again

>> No.19556635

>>19556629
it has a ton of sugar. it's garbage sauce for trailer park trash.

>> No.19556636

>>19556629
Unless you make pasta sauce at home, American pasta sauce has a ton of added sugar

>> No.19556638

>>19556619
that's so much worse than i thought it would be

>> No.19556639
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19556639

>>19556634
And flip the dough. I'll be finishing up on the bottom.

>> No.19556640

>>19556630
those feelings would be valid

>> No.19556642
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19556642

>>19556639
Add a wall of garlic and onion powder around the edges where there will be less toppings.

>> No.19556644

>>19556635
>>19556636
Huh, I just checked one sauce I had in my cupboard for when I feel really lazy and sugar is listed below chili which is specified at 0.8%

>> No.19556647
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19556647

>>19556642
Drench the top in olive oil to finish greasing the pizza.

>> No.19556650

>>19556642
I bet this guy has down syndrome.

>> No.19556653
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19556653

>>19556647
Now for the sauce. Obviously I start with a layer of sriracha.

>> No.19556654

>>19556644
>when I feel really lazy
so just a typical day, fatty boombalatty

>> No.19556656
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19556656

>>19556653
Then dump on a generous helping of honey.

>> No.19556659

I hate everything about this thread so far. keep going. it's like watching a train wreck.

>> No.19556661

>>19556653
>>19556656
this guy is a real piece of work

>> No.19556666
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19556666

>>19556656
Add mozzarella. Just one 8 oz bag's enough.

>> No.19556670
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19556670

>>19556666
Lay out the pepperonis.

>> No.19556674
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19556674

>>19556656

>> No.19556678
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19556678

>>19556670
Then a half jar of chunky tomato, garlic, and onion ragu.in tracts for the tomato sauce.

>> No.19556679

The ragu and kraft parmesan don't make any sense at all. You know you can choose not to be trailer park trash, right?

>> No.19556682
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19556682

>>19556678
Drizzle on some shedded parm

>> No.19556684

>>19556679
see? most Americans know jar sauce is for trailer park trash.

>> No.19556686

>>19556654
It's been sitting there for over two years

>> No.19556688

>>19556678
Oh. You're from the midwest. Explains your horrible taste.

>> No.19556691
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19556691

>>19556682
Bake for 10 minutes

>> No.19556692

>>19556682
you can't drizzle cheese unless it's a sauce. you sprinkle it. this guy gets dumber every post.

>> No.19556694

>>19556684
Nah, it's just that Ragu is objectively horrible. It tastes wrong.

>> No.19556697

>>19556686
sure, Jan.

>> No.19556698
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19556698

>>19556691
Top with powdered parm and some red pepper

>> No.19556700

>>19556679
>ragu and kraft parmesan
I'd argue that canned dough and dried plastic mozzarella is even worse

>> No.19556702

>>19556698
if he folds it like a taco and eats the whole thing I'm going to lose my mind

>> No.19556703
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19556703

>>19556698
And voila. I've made sandwiches.

>> No.19556705

>>19556698
Grim, is this the power of Detroit style pizza?

>> No.19556707

>>19556700
it's all bad. every bit of it is horrible.

>> No.19556710

>>19556702
>if he folds it like a taco and eats the whole thing I'm going to lose my mind
>>19556703
>And voila. I've made sandwiches.
Close enough

>> No.19556712

>>19556702
>>19556703
The prophecy has been fulfilled

>> No.19556713

>>19556702
fucking called it

>> No.19556720

I'm at a loss for words how this thread got exponentially worse OP should be arrested and never allowed to see the light of day again.

>> No.19556741
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19556741

>>19556598
looks good friend

>> No.19556745

>>19556598
Jack Scalfani is that you?

>> No.19556766

>>19556741
you're trying too hard. it comes off as desperate not funny.

>> No.19556786

>>19556598
If you're gonna buy a bunch of shit ingredients, just go to Domino's or Little Caesars.

>> No.19556797

>>19556786
But Dominos/Little Ceasars tastes significantly worse than this.

>> No.19556801

>>19556797
that's impossible

>> No.19556826

>>19556801
It's not. I used a little too much sriracha this time because I was having to use a different brand and it pours different, but this is my go to pizza recipe. I prefer it over delivery.

Also, when I fuck up my recipe it's "slightly too much or too little x". When Dominos fucks up my order, they use the wrong crust type or forget a topping or burn it to shit or there's like no sauce on the thing, or it's the wrong sauce, or it's a sea of grease. I don't particularly like to eat pizza that's dripping.

>> No.19556838

>>19556826
Why can't you make your own tomato sauce? It would be a million times better than soyslop ragu

>> No.19556847

>>19556826
originally you say that literally have no idea what you're doing. now you say it's your go to pizza recipe. you are truly a top tier cringy loser. I don't normally feel bad for anyone on this board but you are so irredeemably pitiful that I can't it. I hope you have a moment of clarity and get your life together.

>> No.19556873

>>19556826
Seriously, Dominos has fucked up 4 of my last 5 orders. I'm so damn sick of it. Fucking wish Pizza Hut delivered here, but across the street's the end of their delivery network.

>>19556838
First of all, it takes long enough to make pizza as is. Second of all, as demonstrated I like sweet sauces anyway, so the ragu serves me fine. Third of all, I can't be around food processers due to a medical condition. Certain sounds give me pseudoseizures.

>>19556847
>originally you say that literally have no idea what you're doing. now you say it's your go to pizza recipe.
The "I have no idea what I'm doing" was narrative framing for the thread. But it's not exactly a lie either. I've repeated the steps before, but it's not like anyone taught me to do any of this shit. If people had criticisms beyond "you suck" I might actually be open to taking them. Except removing the honey. Fuck all y'all. You don't know what you're missing.

>> No.19556880

>>19556873
>you suck
it's true and you should ask yourself why everyone tells you that and work on fixing yourself.

>> No.19556881

>>19556873
You could make tomato sauce in 5 minutes that is better than ragu

>> No.19556891

>>19556881
he isn't smart. he's happy being a stupid fat shit eating loser.

>> No.19556897

>>19556601
Pre-bake the dough? What is this bullshit, it ain't pizza that's for sure

>> No.19556901

>>19556897
it's a flat biscuit smothered in trailer park toppings

>> No.19556911

>>19556873
you suck

>> No.19556910

>>19556670
autism confirmed

>> No.19556916

>>19556702
how did you know?

>> No.19556925

>>19556881
>You could make tomato sauce in 5 minutes that is better than ragu
I can't even peel and chop an onion in 5 minutes, so I doubt that. I have fucked up motor control and can't use several kitchen tools due to the sounds. The ragu is the easy option.

>> No.19556952

>>19556925
good isn't made with precooked sauce. the easiest way is to crush a few canned whole tomatoes. add a pinch of salt, minced garlic, and fresh basil. end of story. less than 5 minutes and infinitely better in every way to that absolute garbage you used. stop being such a fat faggot and put some effort into your life.

>> No.19556956

>>19556598
>ragu

bruh

you can make a decent, cheap pizza sauce without having to make it from "scratch" scratch. Just mix crushed tomatoes (or whole peeled san marzanos that you crush yourself if you're feeling fancy), salt to taste, minced garlic, basil (dried will do if you're too cheap for fresh and don't have a garden), and maybe a tiny bit of sugar. you don't even need to cook it since it will cook with the rest of the pizza.

>> No.19557462

I'd eat it. Grew on my throughout the thread.

>> No.19557510
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19557510

>OP making the worst fucking pizza the world has ever seen

>> No.19558564

>>19556661
Let's unpack this, shall we?

>> No.19558572

>>19556598
I'm not sure you have enough cheese.

>> No.19559111

>>19556691
That's not pizza. Pizza is a circle.

>> No.19559628
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19559628

>> No.19559631

>>19556702
I can't tell if it's better if you're just another anon and guessed this, or if OP is crazy enough to put honey on pizza AND talk to himself on 4chin. Either way this post is an easy 10/10

>> No.19559640

>>19559631
the post times are too close to be OP samefagging

>> No.19559646

>>19556925
>I have fucked up motor control and can't use several kitchen tools due to the sounds.
Just when I thought this thread hit it's apex....Keep going OP, at this point you're based no matter what.

>> No.19559743

>>19556656
You had me until here

>> No.19559805

>>19558572
>I'm not sure you have enough cheese.
I did. Always make sure to have an 8 ounce bag of mozzarella ready before I start after the time I had to chop up a bunch of string cheese midcook. 8 ounces is a perfect amount for one of those Pillsbury crusts. Pizza's fine without the parm, but it needs mozzarella.