/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.19432726]

ITT: we discuss ranch on pizza and other horrifying food amalgations from flyover state Anglo Americans. Why do they do this? Originally from New Jersey, and moved to Kentucky years ago. It seems here and in surrounding states, people have no sense of “food culture” or finesse whatsoever, and their daily cuisine is just a hodgepodge of random sauces and ingredients that just don’t meld well together.

[Anonymous No.19432732]

Have to bulk up to survive the cold winters

[Anonymous No.19432787]

>>19432726
What's wrong with pizza ranch? Here pizza always comes with free ranch. We love our garlic ranches on kebabs and pizza.

[Anonymous No.19432813]

>>19432726
the muttified, short, swarthoid jersey trash-criatura fears the 100% nordic aryan midwestern KING and his ranch dunked pizza of the gods.

even better if said pizza is topped with fried cheese curds and bacon. eastcoastlets could NEVER.

[Anonymous No.19432826]

>>19432726
I stopped dipping my pizza in ranch after one particular incident
>long time coworker died unexpectedly
>office held a pizza party funeral for him at one of the local pizza parlors
>resident office autismo shows up
>sits across from me and my friend uninvited
>fails to read the room and starts drinking IPAs quickly getting tipsy and having a great time
>fills his plate with no less than six slices of pepperoni pizza
>fills every surface of the plate not taken up by pizza with ranch, probably close to a pint
>proceeds to mow down on the pizza while my friend and I watch in disgust
>ranch and marinara smeared all over his face and hands and floating in his beer, the glass clearly covered in greasy fingerprints
>after gorging himself he continued to get drunk and keeps weirdly messing with his jacket
>finally ask him what he's doing
>proceeds to pull his holster and gun out of his jacket pocket to show us getting grease and ranch all over it until I tell him to put it away because we're at a fucking funeral
I know it sounds made up but I swear to god it's all true. Since then the thought of ranch on pizza just makes me think of that beer glass with little chunks of ranchy pizza floating in it. Can't do it.

[Anonymous No.19432828]

>>19432813
based as hell

[Anonymous No.19432863]

>>19432813
You have no culture, your women also love black men. Whiter than you John Smith.

[Anonymous No.19432870]

Flyover state tastelettes and third worlders exposing themselves big time in this thread.

[Anonymous No.19432877]

>>19432870
Not sure if you mean ranch on pizza is good or bad.

[Anonymous No.19432882]

>>19432863
pic related is your "culture," "white" man.

there aren't any niggers in my state for our women to pursue, and they wouldn't anyway, since it's perfectly acceptable to be racist here.

you know nothing of our glorious and comfy scandi-midwestern culture, and you will die alone and unloved.

[Anonymous No.19432886]

>>19432882
Seriously, kill all Italians.

[Anonymous No.19432893]

>>19432882
t. his ancestors were literally Roman subjects

[Anonymous No.19432895]

>>19432726
Good hooch in Kentucky

[Anonymous No.19432896]

most american pizza is really bad so who cares what goes on top. ranch is nice for shitty frozen pizzas.

[Anonymous No.19432902]

>>19432893
i think not

[Anonymous No.19432925]

>>19432902
Think again

[Anonymous No.19432948]

>ranch on pizza thread
>it’s actually meds vs. nords thread #6,106,532
you guys need new material

[Anonymous No.19432958]

>>19432826
You sound like a homosexual.

[Anonymous No.19432988]

>>19432948
This wasn’t my intention, I just wanted to dab on midwestern and Anglo Saxon American food abominations sir.

[Anonymous No.19433122]

>>19432726
It's the go-to for dipping cheap shitty pizza into as a lazy snack. That shit is tasty but drunk-tier, you don't use ranch on decent pizza if you have any taste the same way you don't use steak sauce on a decent steak if you have any taste. But retards are everywhere and infest every corner of this world, even if you like to think your corner is safe.

[Anonymous No.19433215]

>>19433122
get the stick out of your ass, if it tastes good with shitty food why shouldnt it taste good with quality food, what is the sin in it

[Anonymous No.19433222]

So pizza ranch enjoyers, when did your family doctor diagnose you with autism?

[Anonymous No.19433239]

>>19433215
It does more to help one-note shitty food than it does to help higher-quality food with more varied tastes and textures. If you're eating a little caesar's pizza that is advertised as having salty pepperoni heaped on like wall-to-wall carpeting, every bite will be the same thing and ranch helps cut that and vary the flavor. It's going to be salty and greasy and the crust will be highly processed without much flavor itself beyond more salt. Ranch cuts the saltiness of shitty low-quality pizza and provides another element of taste and texture.
If you go to a nice local pizza place that serves you a pizza with ricotta, spinach, tomatoes, other nice things on the pizza, and has a crust that has a developed flavor from being proofed and risen slowly after being made fresh, you're going to want to taste all of those individual components, and they're all going to be presumably very flavorful for you if you wanted them on your pizza in the first place.
I love low-quality pizza for what it is so I'm not even really looking down on it, but I know that ranch has its place there and should not to cover up good high-quality ingredients when I pay to have them on my pizza.

[Anonymous No.19433267]

>>19432726
It's because pizza is better with white sauce instead of tomato but they haven't realized it yet

[Anonymous No.19433283]

>>19432726
t. brownie wop
Iowa man reporting in, I dislike ranch, but respect it as a Midwestern institution. Even our Italians are Whiter here. The air of the Midwest has long been too pure for a coastaloid, and every man is White who breathes it.

[Anonymous No.19433288]

>>19433283
Said it well, anon.

[Anonymous No.19433289]

>>19432925
German Americans immigrated before any of the voodoo hoodoo German Aryan occultism of the 19th and 20th century. We're Americans first, and America achieved more in 100 years than Germans achieved in 2000.
Subtracting points for your reddit meme as well.

[Anonymous No.19433293]

>>19432726
Ranch and buffalo sauce please, wagie. Forgot to bring either and that's an immediate 10% off the tip. And oh ya, grab me some peppers and parm too. You didn't bring any? Sorry that's 0-for-2 guess that's 0 tip now wagie.

[Anonymous No.19433299]

When I moved to Idaho which has a lot of red neck types, they would put ranch on their lasagna and put ranch on their spaghetti.

[Anonymous No.19433340]

>>19433293
Servers will usually just do the bare minimum for your table to not get their manager on their ass and write you off as a lost cause for free extra money if you give off that vibe. While you're sitting there thinking "oh ho ho, this server will be getting not a single red cent of mine extra today," they are getting napkins or other easy shit for tables that they scope out are likely to tip 20% baseline or extra if they think the server gives a shit(they don't).
>and how do they know I won't tip?
These entitled cunts spend all day treating customers like walking piggybanks, anon. Literally the only thing they care about is zeroing in on people who tip well, aren't overly demanding/entitled, or ideally both.

[Anonymous No.19433377]

If it's a good pizza I don't need to dip it in Ranch. If it's shitty (in a good way) pizza like Little Caesar's you bet your faggot ass I'm going to dip that shit.

[Anonymous No.19433401]

>>19432813
I'm actually nordic and we sure as hell don't use salad dressing on a pizza.

[Anonymous No.19433409]

>>19433401
He's referring to the fact that Midwestern America is primarily populated by Germans and Scandinavians :)
As a result of this, as well as other factors, the Midwest has quaint, down to earth, food habits that many others find unappetizing, not unlike Scandinavia's position in Europe, prompting us to draw comparisons.

[Anonymous No.19433413]

>>19433401
your type do much worse things to cuisine than salad dressing on pizza tbqh

[Anonymous No.19433433]

>>19433409
>fatty dressing on carbs and fat
>quaint, down to earth
Amerimutts will never cease to amaze me

[Anonymous No.19433453]

>>19433433
>cheap, widely available dressing on cheap, widely available food
>not quaint and down to earth
You can call it shitty and disgusting but anon is right there on it being down to earth.

[Anonymous No.19433458]

>>19432726
French dressing is the best on the za

[Anonymous No.19433495]

>>19433433
If it is not down to earth (humble) and quaint (unusual), then what is it? I know it will sound blasphemously strange, and probably from a European perspective, even wrong to even call it a food tradition, but put plainly, a lot of the simple thrown together dishes and weird food combinations go back a few generations by now. Some of them even go back to first generation immigrants who truly did have almost nothing to work with and threw together whatever was around, follow those casseroles and hodge podge meals down the line through history and you get basically modern Midwestern food.
It is a culinary tradition like any other. You guys don't kick Central Europeans for their plain and oftentimes sloppy dishes, so why do you sit and make fun of us? I agree that there is a certain problem with the mass produced fast food culture, because it puts you out of control of what goes into the food you are eating, but I'm a big proponent of the homecooking movement in America, I cook a majority of my meals myself. (It doesn't hurt that I work in a restaurant, so I have access to ingredients, and can prepare my own food almost every night)
I'm all for discretion in what we eat, but the actual dishes themselves, so long as it isn't something that CANNOT be prepared in a healthy or nutritious way, like fried chicken, pancakes, waffles, processed snack foods, etc, should not be the point of criticism. If we are to criticize people based on their people's culinary traditions, then you can split hairs as much as you want. If you don't like hot or excessively seasoned food, you could call Indian and Mexican food pungent mongrel mincemeat disasters slapped together by ancient people to prevent their shit from spoiling (Should've been born in the North baka) or you could call Mongolian food bland animal entrails choked down with fermented goat milk. (holy shit learn to season your food guys)
In truth, it is all subjective. Just make sure your food is edible and nutritious.

[Anonymous No.19433498]

>>19433453
If you wanted to eat down to earth you'd eat your local root veggies, your neighbors pork belly leftovers and corn bread from corn just outside town.
There's nothing down to earth about produce that travelled thousands of miles cumulatively to end up on your table, no matter how cheap or accessible.

>>19433495
I have places to be and don't have time to read that. Catch you later.

[Anonymous No.19433513]

>>19433498
>your neighbors pork belly leftovers
anon, I...

[Anonymous No.19433554]

>>19432726
Based as hell. Unless it's greasy enough to turn the fucking walls transparent, I'm not eating it.
Simple as

[Anonymous No.19433585]

I went to Princeton IE I spent 4 years in NJ. You "people" do that shit, too. Don't pretend otherwise.

[Anonymous No.19433593]

>>19433585
I went to Rutgers and the only people I see that did this were foreigners, people from out of state, and autists.

[Anonymous No.19433641]

>>19432726
i dont care for ranch on pizza but im addicted to putting parmesan and the pepper flakes on every slice.

[Anonymous No.19433659]

>>19433498
>there's nothing down to earth about cheap produce that you and people in your community eat and share recipes for, it doesn't count if a truck brought it
Motor vehicles exist, refrigeration exists, these things have existed for some time retard. You're romanticizing things,. What makes food quaint and down to earth is not putting on airs and making due with what is cheap and accessible. If your local famer's market has good deals then that would be down to earth too. If the prices are inflated because stupid fucks like yourself are willing to pay more to feel better than other people then you've ruined it. People like you turned oxtail from a cheap ingredient to a hipster trend because it's clear that you're at least partly motivated in eating and cooking by feeling better than people. You're welcome to cope and deny it but it's pretty clear from your posts that that's the case.
Here's a tip: if you think you're better than people you consider beneath you because they eat something, then that something probably fits the bill better than you know.

[Anonymous No.19433685]

>>19432826
USPS pizza party funeral story never gets old

[None !j8OtIup/EI No.19433725]

>>19433401
smorgastarta looking ass combining fruit salad with mayonnaise and fish paste

[Anonymous No.19433756]

>>19432726
>ITT: we discuss ranch on pizza and other horrifying food amalgations from flyover state Anglo Americans
you mean someone put creamy savory herbaceous sauce on their cheesy bread? wtf bros how could the flyovers do this???
>Originally from New Jersey
yeah somehow I could tell

[Anonymous No.19433773]

>>19432787
That’s… the problem. Why is a disgusting ranch combination the substitute for tzatziki/hummus/other foods that are meant to be eaten with something like a kebab.

[Anonymous No.19433784]

>>19433593
>fellow fat sandwich consoomer

Fancy seeing you here.

[Anonymous No.19433804]

>>19432813
That's a lot of words to say you guzzle down Dominoes slop with ranch flavored soybean oil. Stay seething that east coast pizza mogs any garbage you Midwesterners shit out. Imagine bragging that your pizza is so bad you need more sauces to put on it kek

[Anonymous No.19433806]

>>19432958
>t. Fat fuck in the story

[Anonymous No.19433807]

>>19433122
>>19433239
Based take from an anime poster on a non anime board. Now that's something I thought I would never see.

[Anonymous No.19433812]

>>19433283
>Our Latino and black people in the midwest are white because they breathe the same air white people do
Goddamn you fuckers are retarded out there in the Midwest. Maybe stop dumping chemical waste into your rivers and drinking exclusively light beers.

[Anonymous No.19433870]

>Move from 2/5 star school that was at least trying to get to 3/5 in CA to ghetto 0/5 high school in PA
>Ranch, ketchup, mustard dispensers in cafeteria
>Guess out of those I'll grab ranch to dip the crust
>Crust plus ranch was better than the barely sauced, cardboard tasting ass, cold, cheese dry and plasticy as fuck like it's been sitting next to a fan for 6+ hours "pizza". Shit didn't even have pepperoni.
>Next week, fuck it, just dip the pizza in the ranch
How anyone would try that shit with decent pizza, I don't get. But stale, cold, prison food style pizza I understand. Also, fuck pierogi pizza.

[Anonymous No.19433892]

>>19433293
>already tipping more than 10%
>tipping at all for default service
Americans are dumb.

[Anonymous No.19433914]

is ranch the most based dressing?
>heartland america
>good ilon everything (especially mixed with Buffalo sauce, another god-tier sauce)
>makes euros seethe because they can't ever get it

[Anonymous No.19433944]

>>19433914
I'm Euro, live in the US and had ranch for the first time a few years ago. I may have told the story already, but we had a block party, one of the neighbours brought ranch, I tried it and it was fucking delicious. Some time later, I bought a bottle and it was disgusting.
Asked the neighbour about it and she said it has to be Hidden Valley cuz the others aren't as good so I bought HV and it was still poopshits.
Then, she told me it has to be the packet/sachet dry mix and not the pre-made bottle stuff and she was right.
I very much enjoy ranch, but it's a bit sus that only that one specific dry powder mix is any good.
Haven't had it on pizza because the gross Lawrenceville townies while I was at Uni (I'm >>19433585) did it and they were gross, but since that shit seems to be good on everything else (onion rings, holy fucknuggets), I'm sure it's good on pizza, too.

So yeah. Pretty "based," despite it not making me seethe at all.

>>19433593
Hasn't been my experience, but whatevs.

>>19433773
>tzatziki
Fucking HATE everyone else's. Mine and my gran's is the only one I fucks with. Even my dad fucks that shit up. AND my grandmother wouldn't even eat it cuz she inexplicably hated raw garlic despite being a Medshit.

[Anonymous No.19433966]

>>19432826
What the fuck

[Anonymous No.19433986]

>>19433944
you aren't seething because you've had it and can speak from experience when Americans talk about how good it is
the seethe comes from americans having something good that they dont

[Anonymous No.19434022]

>>19432726
>ranch on pizza
not my thing, I tried it, not bad.

>>19432826
>I swear to god it's all true
doubt

>>19432896
>most american pizza is really bad
says the guy who tried pizza hut one time.

>>19433293
force that meme

>>19433433
eurtotards put ketchup or mayo on pizza.

[Anonymous No.19434046]

>>19432726
I like ranch for the "pizza bread stick" once you've eaten all the cheese and sauce covered portion, but ranch on top of cheese on top of sauce seems gross

[Anonymous No.19434058]

>>19432813
>Midwestern
>Nordic
NGMI

[Anonymous No.19434071]

>>19434022
>eurtotards put ketchup or mayo on pizza
Which? Scandies, I would suspect. I like mayo on/with things that Americans find disgusting. Example: at the same block party I mentioned in >>19433944, there was also fried fish and fried chicken. I dipped both in mayo as I ate them because that's what we use mayo for where I'm from: dipping fried food into (and for sandwiches). A few neighbours thought it was the weirdest, most disgusting foreigner shit, ever until I pointed out that every fast food fried chicken/fish sandwich in the country has mayonnaise on it as standard
You should try it. Get some Popeyes and dip that shit in mayonnaise (or samurai sauce IE mayo mixed with Indonesian chilli paste). It's good af.

>>19433986
Guess that's it.

[Anonymous No.19434364]

>Adding cream of mushroom soup to recipes
>Smothered anything
>Gravy + anything
>"Chicken fried" steak or pork

[Anonymous No.19434726]

>>19432726
bue cheese ranch works wonders on pizza