/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.19147789]

I'm a Pizza Delivery Guy

Ask me Anything

[Anonymous No.19147792]

>>19147789
Have you ever delivered a pizza?

[Anonymous No.19147793]

>>19147789
what was your first experience like of smelling a woman's rear end (her poophoolio)

[Anonymous No.19147800]

>>19147792
Yes

>>19147793
Smells like shit and sweat, like any other anus
you zoomers are weird for wanting to eat and sniff ass

[Anonymous No.19147801]

Let me think....

Nope. Your life is not interesting to me. Sorry.

[Anonymous No.19147802]

First of all, how dare you? :DDD

[Anonymous No.19147805]

>>19147801
You don't tip

[Anonymous No.19147825]

>>19147789
Do you have a job? If so, what is it?

[Anonymous No.19147830]

What is Pizza and why do you deliver it?

[Anonymous No.19147860]

>>19147789
Did you bring the soda

[Anonymous No.19147865]

Hey pizza fren
Do you like your job

[Anonymous No.19147866]

>>19147789
What do you do if they dont tip

[Anonymous No.19147870]

>>19147789
how much for a 10" big sausage pizza

[Anonymous No.19147873]

>>19147789
My friends sister decided she wanted to fuck the pizza delivery driver, but when she got him back to her room she found out he was uncircumcised and no longer wished to make the sex with him. Was that pizza delivery drive you?

[Anonymous No.19147878]

>>19147789
if I lost my wallet, is there any other way I could pay for my pizza?? urgent pls

[Anonymous No.19147883]

how many times have you been in this situation?

[Anonymous No.19147884]

>>19147789
do the pizzas have a seatbelt for the car? when i have to drive a pizza shit burns my lap but idk how else to hold it securely

[Anonymous No.19147890]

how fix me

[Anonymous No.19147900]

>>19147878
Bank app on your phone?

[Anonymous No.19147916]

I’ve never had a pizza delivered by an African American.

[Anonymous No.19147932]

>>19147789
How much money you make in a shift plus tips

[Anonymous No.19147939]

>>19147805
Do deliverymen talk to each other about people who don't tip?
>Ah, that guy... Do you know he never tips?
>Yeah, what a weird and uncool guy. Imagine never tipping
>I don't like that guy. He doesn't tip. Also I hate his shoes.

Guess what buddy - still not tipping

[Anonymous No.19147941]

>>19147789
Have you ever delivered pizza to a naked woman?

[Anonymous No.19147942]

>>19147789
What's your favorite piece of Half Life lore?

[Anonymous No.19147946]

>>19147900
I'm sorry I lost my phone and laptop too....

[Anonymous No.19147947]

>>19147789
spell 'pizza'

[Anonymous No.19147978]

Answer some question then you faggoy pizza diliveret? Hello?

[Anonymous No.19148080]

>>19147789
What was the biggest stack of pies you've ever delivered?

[Anonymous No.19148083]

>>19147873
This is why I will never fuck a roastie
Im a solid 10/10 and they fuck literal pigs and dogs

[Anonymous No.19148092]

>>19147978
fr bro answered 2 questions then dipped
im still waiting on my answer to >>19147884

[Anonymous No.19148102]

>>19147789
have you ever cum on a 'za before delivering it?

[Anonymous No.19148126]

>>19147939
if they do talk, thats how you get your pizza spat on. buddy.

[Anonymous No.19148127]

>>19147789
Do you listen to this while cruising the lonely delivery streets at 2:00am?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iypuEbVCcc8

[Anonymous No.19148140]

>>19147789
>>19148127
Also, do you ever put on a cyberpunk soundtrack and pretend that you're Hiro from Snow Crash?

[Anonymous No.19148155]

i used to be a pizza guy in a rich town. people would order two pizzas at regular menu price and tip 5 bucks. i'd get back to the store and spring a BOGO coupon on my boss, "hey they had a buy one get one free" and then i'd get like another 18 bucks.

[Anonymous No.19148161]

>>19148155
Lying thief.

[Anonymous No.19148164]

>>19147789
does every delivery feel like an eternity?

[Anonymous No.19148166]

>>19148161
>t. devout wagie
The purpose of having a job is to make as much money as possible for as little work as possible. Methods such as his are fundamental to survival in shit jobs.

[Anonymous No.19148182]

>>19147825
I'm actually a stock analyst, pizza delivery is just a hobby for me.
>>19147830
Pizza is like a giant wet, salty Italian cookie. I deliver it because they just keep making them and if the pile gets too big then it might fall over and kill someone.
>>19147860
Did you order the soda
>>19147865
No but I'm on parole.
>>19147866
Big sad, sometimes I sit in my car crying for hours
>>19147873
No, I maintain a strong aura of BO as a roastie repellant
>>19147878
Let me siphon gas from your car
>>19147884
Car? I ride a bicycle with a child's wagon tied to the back as a trailer. (I just wanted the gas for huffing.)
>>19147916
This isn't Jeopardy
>>19147939
Yes, after the shift ends we all meet up at the local Pizza Delivery bar for catty gossip and appletinis.
>>19147941
No, but I once delivered a naked woman to the Sicilian mafia (long story)
>>19148080
The union specifies we can 2 pies at a time maximum
>>19148102
I don't even have enough energy to spit anymore
>>19148127
>>19148140
No I'm more of a Linda Ronstadt guy. But I do always say "Pizza time" because 1/10 times the customer is a Redditor who gets the meme and invites me inside for a bong hit and a round of Mario Party, shit's so cash. (They don't tip in cash though, my trunk has SO many dupe Funkopops.)

[Anonymous No.19148217]

>>19148164
Imagine getting out of your car and already hearing the sounds of domestic violence. Who's going to answer the door? Will it be a sweaty shirtless man with tattoos and a Natty Light? Or will it be a crying woman with a black eye, trying to count out stripper singles with shaking hands? Maybe even a child, forced to order himself dinner once again with money he makes from Runescape scams, eyes wise beyond his years with suffering? That's a long walk indeed.

[Anonymous No.19148246]

>>19148182
>Let me siphon gas from your car
oh I see, you like to be on the receiving end

[Anonymous No.19148320]

>>19148217
>Your pain fuels the furnace of my ambition- Norm Macdonald

[Anonymous No.19148396]

>>19148182
>(long story)
go on

[Anonymous No.19148419]

Have you ever seen a lady's boobs on a delivery and was it cool

[Anonymous No.19148440]

>>19148217
why would this scare u?

[Anonymous No.19148550]

>>19147789
has anyone offered to suck your dick in return? would that person get in trouble for offering it? nit saying i want to do so but just to make sure haha

[Anonymous No.19148625]

>>19147939
Have you never had a job? Every profession talks about everything including customers. I doubt even 1% of them fuck with your food, but what else are you gonna talk about? The fun shit you did on your day off or whatever runs dry pretty fucking quick. We mechanics largely talk about the ridiculous demands people have like "my differential is making noise but I'm going on a trip tomorrow so I can't bring it in can you wave your magic wand and fix it?" and the hot chicks that come in. Btw, to the hot chicks almost definitely not itt who are also noticers, yes we park your car in a place so that you walk passed the garage doors so we can watch pretty dam often and no, we don't care if it's obvious.
Anyway op, do you find people like me annoying? People like me are the guys that offer you a beer on top of the tipkek>>19148182
>No, but I once delivered a naked woman to the Sicilian mafia (long story)
Wait, another question as I read thread even though I'm pretty sure you're not op, I'm enjoying the role play. Is this why you're on probation or does it have something to do with it?

[Anonymous No.19148628]

>>19147789
have you ever considered getting an education?

[Anonymous No.19148660]

I made pizzas for dominos in college, yeah people talked mad shit about non tippers but they would never mess with food. Everyone wanted to deal with customers as little as possivle even if they’re pricks so it’s always easier to just give them what they want instead of being petty and messing things up/giving them bad product. And no one was gross enough to spit on food or anything else

And if you have to give someone a whole new pizza it makes almost no difference to the store because those cheap fucking pizzas get sold at a 900% markup. A large cheese costs a little over $1 of materials to make and gets sold for around $10

[Anonymous No.19148729]

>>19148625
>Wait, another question as I read thread even though I'm pretty sure you're not op, I'm enjoying the role play. Is this why you're on probation or does it have something to do with it?
OK, ya got me. I'm actually an intern with the Finnish Intelligence Service (Alkuperäinen Juliste On Homo), just doing my compulsory national service. Most of my day consists of posting Niko Avocado Coinslots to any /ck/ thread that might be construed as detrimental to Finnish national interests.
>Russian food
Post a Coinslot
>Swedish meatballs
Post a high-res Coinslot.
>Meatballs from the Moscow Ikea, AKA Mordor
Post a Coinslot webm, with audio if possible.

It's a humble but honest living. But sometimes it gets boring, so I daydream of the exciting life of an American Pizza Delivery Driver, dodging bullets and bombs to deliver a fancy Domino Pizza to President John L. Trump at the top of the Empire State Building in New York. Now that we are in NATO, I hope to travel to your magical country, and perhaps enjoy a slice of the Pepperoni Pie with Michael Jordon!

[Anonymous No.19148733]

>>19147789
what do you think of pizza delivery boy porn movies?

[Anonymous No.19148736]

>>19147873
why are women so hung up on circumcision. that is very jewish of them.

[Anonymous No.19148742]

>>19147789
How do you feel about furry porn that involves pizza delivery scenarios? How does it make you feel?

[Anonymous No.19148745]

>>19147873
>she found out he was uncircumcised and no longer wished to make the sex with him
Jewesses are strange

[Anonymous No.19148788]

>>19148396
Worked at Pizza Hut in high school and it was the most traumatic experience of my life.
>rats, mice, roaches they'd fall into the pizza ovens and our manager/owner would tell us to scoop em out and toss em
>dough wasn't replaced often, maybe once a month
>moldy pepperoni
>one of the senior cooks was a developmentally disabled guy; cool dude but prone to violent outbursts, racial epithets, self-harm, threats, with a grade school education
>no idea who took care of him or how he even got to work, he was just there when I'd arrive and he always stayed late
>he'd also grope the female employees (all of whom quit because I'd tell them it wasn't safe for them)
>was also at the outskirts of town and there was a cleaner, better one near the city center so no excuse to even go to ours
>but we had regulars and I just kept my head down, tried to keep things clean, avoided the retarded cook as much as I could, and never ate there
>go to work one day after school
>lights are on, can see the ovens are on, but the doors are locked and nobody is answering my knocks or the phone inside
>manager's has a regular window, decide to see if I can open it from the outside
>the ovens were going, place could burn down
>get to the window, see my manager playing Hungry Hippos with the retard on the floor of his office
>get spooked, but in my hurry I kicked up some gravel and shit

Decided to go back an hour later. It's really tense. Get through my shift and I'm helping the retard close. He's turning off the ovens, I walk by him to start counting off the register and he just dunks his head right into a pot of molten liquid cheese. His skin slid right off his face and neck and the worst part is he doesn't even scream, he just making this god awful gargling sound like he's swallowed two lungs of water. Called 9/11. I never went back. Never asked for my last paycheck. Took me a year to even tell somebody else what happened and I still smell and hear the moment.

[Anonymous No.19148798]

>>19147789
do you even make more than minimum wage when you factor in the cost of gas, extra insurance, and wear and tear on your vehicle?

[Maybe one day I will not be so lonely No.19148833]

>>19147789
>Ask me Anything
Did you ever just open the lid and take a deep whiff and then just think about the sexy girls that will be eating this delicious pizza you bring them and that they will be smelling the same delicious smell?

[Anonymous No.19148862]

>>19148788
Checked and holy fuck what an ending to the story. 10/10 would read again.

[Anonymous No.19148897]

>>19147793
I laughed way, way to much at this. Le gf is getting suspicious of my 4chan threads

[Anonymous No.19148910]

>>19148440
not scary, just hate it. I hate it because I hate poor people. I hate them xus they make bad decisions all the time

[Anonymous No.19148912]

>>19148788
>>get to the window, see my manager playing Hungry Hippos with the retard on the floor of his office

Whats traumatic about that? That's a good game?

[Anonymous No.19148922]

>>19148788
He was just sick of living

[Anonymous No.19149525]

ever cut a glory hole in the center of pizza and box?

[Anonymous No.19149567]

>>19148788
I was in that thread you’re not getting by me I know how the real story goes. Good thread, that

[Anonymous No.19149568]

delivery bubs get paid way too much compared to the hustle instores put in

[Anonymous No.19149649]

>>19147789
Since you don't make the pizza, your existence is useless to me.

[Anonymous No.19149652]

>>19149649
Then how tf would you even get the pizza then you absolute dolphin of a man

[Anonymous No.19149660]

>>19147789
Are blacks bad tippers?

[Anonymous No.19149661]

>>19149652
NTA but I have a car.

How much of your tip covers your wage? Is it like waitstaff where if you don't get a certain amount of time, the owner pays the difference? Since you have to spend money to fill up on gas, I'd expect you to be compensated for that at least.

[Anonymous No.19149663]

>>19149652

[Anonymous No.19149679]

Sorry, I was exhausted and assumed nobody would be intersted so I passed out. I will now answer questions.
Might skip some if they're redundant or clearly rhetorical.

>>19147860
That was the first mistake I made. Never forgot the soda again. The woman was very upset to be without her Pepsi.
>>19147865
Yeah actually I do. The best part about it is that the day goes by fast being on the road. Get to listen to the radio and mostly just do your own thing.
>>19147866
Just deliver it like usual. But if I'm running a double order, I'm delivering to the person who tipped first.
>>19147873
It was not, but I am uncircumcised. Got my meat fully intact.
>>19147878
Nah, we have to take it back to the store. Sorry, I wish we could just give it to you anyway but that's coming out of my pocket and that's just not happening.
>>19147884
They stay in the warming boxes on the seat just fine. I'm a good driver and never have to brake hard. Skill issue.
>>19147916
Yes, interestingly there are no blacks or women at this place. The Pizza Game is a white man's job apparently.
>>19147939
Oh yeah, we talk about that stuff when we have downtime between orders. We all know the dreaded addresses that you don't want to see pop up. Especially specific apartments that are nightmares to navigate and full of people who never tip.
>>19147941
Not yet, but there was one woman who clearly wasn't expecting me to be there that early and was in some kind of spandex top and bottom getup that was basically skin-colored. I thought she was naked for a second. Total smoke show.
>>19148080
10 at once, just 2 full warmer boxes. Not really that difficult, went to some office, a pizza party for the wagies who sit above me on the totem pole in their suits and chairs.
>>19148127
>>19148140
Honestly I listen to mostly talk radio because it makes me completely zone out. Back at the store they're always listening to Reggae and shit for some reason though.

[Anonymous No.19149684]

>>19149660
yes

[Anonymous No.19149695]

>>19148164
The exact opposite. Time goes by so fast it's unreal. I'll look at the clock and realize half my shift is over and feel like I've barely started. That's the best part of the job, you are never just standing there twittling your thumbs you just pump out deliveries and you're going home before you know it.
>>19148182
This guy is not me, but I appreciate his humor.
>>19148217
I don't even think about it. I put on a smile and just deliver the pizza no matter what I see or hear. "Have a good evening" and I'm outta there, like a robot.
>>19148419
Not yet. We all secretly yearn for the time that happens.
>>19148550
Similar answer to the above, except I don't really yearn for that. How do I know where that mouth of yours has been, huh? You think I'm gonna get herpes and lose time just for that? You better make me a more compelling offer.
>>19148628
That option is long behind me. And at this point, getting some kind of degree would only what, let me manage the place instead and make a little bit more per hour for all the extra responsibility? No thanks. I drive.
>>19148733
Never cared for them and still don't. I like amateur stuff. Now if you can point me in the direction of some real secret-camera shit of a delivery guy actually getting to fuck a lady, I'm all ears.
>>19148798
Yes. Also I'm lucky that I have a basically new car that will last me until the sun explodes so I don't sweat that stuff at all. We get reimbursed a bit for mileage. You're basically just playing the lottery on tips though, some days you come up shorter some days you make fat stacks.
>>19149568
Sometimes we do, but like I said it's all dependant on tips that day. In-stores have the benefit of being able to reliably know what they'll be paid. I would never work in-store though, seems like a nightmare. Love those guys though.
>>19149649
I'm sorry you feel that way. Here is your order have a great evening.
>>19149660
Yes

[Anonymous No.19149826]

>>19147789
why didn't you read my delivery instructions?

[Anonymous No.19149837]

>>19149826
I always do. But be aware that there are some things we're simply not allowed to do if you try to get really weird with your instructions.

[Anonymous No.19149859]

>>19147789
Do you get tips often?
Worst interaction with a customer? Best interaction?
How long have you been doing it, and how long are you gonna keep doing it?
Most crazy story?

[Anonymous No.19149860]

What do you do when someone orders extra sausage?
Have you ever been offered the devil's lettuce while on the job?

[Anonymous No.19149866]

>>19147789
If I order 2 or more pizzas for myself and then when you hand them to me I turn around and yell “pizza’s here” do you know the truth?

[Anonymous No.19149869]

>>19149859
>Do you get tips often?
Yeah, most people are pretty good about it. Since most orders are of a pretty normal size, I'd say the average tip is $4-6. Not bad at all, always happy to just see a straight $5 on the receipt.
>Worst interaction with a customer? Best interaction?
The worst was this one guy who could barely speak english. I rang the doorbell, knocked, waited, rang and knocked again, repeat. Finally I call him. He sounds like he's blackout drunk and says he's standing at the door right now. I tell him no, he isn't, because I'm standing at the door right now and he's not there. He starts yelling at me in some language I can't recognize, and I'm just like "Sir, I don't know what to tell you, I am at the correct address and standing right at your door and there's nobody here". He just continued yelling incoherently, and never appeared at the door. But I could fucking hear him in his house, yelling at me, on the phone, right there at his door. I eventually just took the pizza back to the store because he was supposed to pay in cash. He ended up calling the store and trying to yell at my manager about it, and after I explained what had happened my manager said to me "Fuck that guy, I think he's on drugs or something".
Most people are very nice though, worst case they're just tired or a little grouchy but I don't mind.

Best interaction was this very wholesome lady who straight up handed me a $20 for a pretty small order. Nothing special but it really made my day, and I could hear in the background a bunch of kids yelling "YAY! PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA!" which made me think back to memories of being an excited kid waiting for the pizza guy.
And the lady who looked like she was naked. Man was she ever fit.

[Anonymous No.19149873]

>>19149859
>How long have you been doing it, and how long are you gonna keep doing it?
Just a year, but it's been a good year. I plan to keep doing it as long as I can honestly. Like I said my car is practically new and it's the kind of model that should last for ages with proper maintenance. If something better comes along that pays more I'll take it, but I'm cool where I am right now honestly. I live a pretty simple cheap lifestyle so it's more than enough money.
>Most crazy story?
I honestly can't even think of one worth telling. Most people are, honestly, just completely normal. Probably just the story about the weird drunk psycho.
>>19149866
I know, but I wouldn't judge you for it. I used to do the same thing.

[Anonymous No.19149930]

>>19148182
Im either dead tired or you are pretty funny.
Thank you for putting a smile on my face.

[Anonymous No.19149941]

>>19147789
What's your pizza delivery policy?

[Anonymous No.19149967]

>>19149941
The policy is to deliver the pizza you ordered to the address that you specified.

[Anonymous No.19149989]

>>19148788
Based pasta (pizza) poster

[Anonymous No.19149992]

>>19148897
Reddit faggot

[Anonymous No.19149999]

>>19149860
>What do you do when someone orders extra sausage?
That's all on the cooks. Yes I got the joke though.
>Have you ever been offered the devil's lettuce while on the job?
No, but as you might expect there's always a decent chance that you're gonna smell weed when you get there. People get high and order a pizza. It's the way of the world.

[Anonymous No.19150006]

>>19149967
Damn

[Anonymous No.19150012]

>>19148182
oh
damn

[Anonymous No.19150017]

Also I'd like to just add on my own that COVID made everything so much better. Almost everybody just pays ahead of time with a card and requests No Contact delivery, so you don't have to fuck around with cash or even interacting with the person at all.
In fact this attitude is so prevalent that some people are surprised or even pissed off when they open the door and I'm standing there to physically hand them the pizzas. In those cases I always make sure to tell them that we offer No Contact deliveries, because if I had things my way they would all be no contact and paid ahead of time with a card. Much faster and much easier for everybody involved.