Biggest Food Fuck Ups

[Anonymous No.18855578]

What is your biggest food fuck up? Pics appreciated.

[Anonymous No.18855581]

>>18855578
>want to make cake
>look for recipes for ages
>discover Sans Reval cake
>recipes say it's rich, smooth and mildly sweet
>sounds like my jam
>see that it uses 10 sticks of butter
>I'm sure it'll be fine
>making the cake
>almost finished, give it a taste
>it's literally just butter
>not gonna eat this, give up
>put near the trash bin (planning to take trash out in the morning)
>find my cat dead the next morning
>he ate half of the cake and dropped dead on top of the remains
>his little fuzzy body is covered in butter
Never making cake again

[Anonymous No.18855590]

>>18855581
I hope it was worth it little buddy

[Anonymous No.18855604]

One time I tried "marinating" a turkey burger patty in a combination that sounded ok.
>worcestershire sauce
>olive oil
>balsamic vinegar
>maple syrup
>tabasco
Left it in that for a while and then fried it.
It was disgusting, inedible, I spat out the first bite and tossed it.
Probably the result of the maple syrup being a poor choice, or the patty being old and freezer burned, or both

[Anonymous No.18855605]

>>18855578
I can only assume that must be in Asia and I can't understand why anyone who regularly gets takeout that's just straight up in the bag wouldn't invest in a rubber laundry bin. You can use it regularly most of the time then stick a dowel through the top to keep a bag upright if you're using it to protect your car from food.

Anyways, is renting a room to a retard and having him fuck up everything in my kitchen thread related?

[Anonymous No.18855620]

>>18855578
This technically wasn't my fuck up but once I ordered a "Texas" sized (20 inch) pizza from a local pizza place. The guy delivering it caught the corner of the retardedly huge box on the bag when pulling it out and just completely lost control of it, I'm talking Looney Tunes style. After juggling it for what seemed like an eternity he firmly slammed it vertically against the side of my house, both hands pressed against the top of the box, just staring at me like a deer in headlights and I thought he might cry. It took everything I had not to burst out laughing but but I was just like "Let's take a peek at the damage and see what we're working with." Turns out the pizza was relatively fine so I told him it was no big deal, paid, then cried laughing after I got inside. Pic related is the pizza.

[Anonymous No.18855623]

>>18855581
;_;

[Anonymous No.18855675]

>>18855581
thats what you get for having a trash tier pe(s)t

[Anonymous No.18855685]

>>18855578
a 2 year old retarded brain did this

[Anonymous No.18855686]

Just now. Bought 6lbs of disgusting chicken meat because it was on sale. Now I have a bunch of awful smelling chicken thighs and nothing to do with them.

[Anonymous No.18855707]

>>18855581
you couldn't fridge 2.5lb of butter in your shitty failed cake to save for other purposes?
sorry your cat had to fatally indulge in your stupidity

[Anonymous No.18855855]

>>18855686
coat them in rat poison and chuck them over the fence of the nearest house with a pitbull (in minecraft ofc)

[Anonymous No.18855857]

>>18855686
i saw that thread

[Anonymous No.18855878]

>>18855686
toss the thighs in a blender with vinnegar and fresh garlic then dab spoonfuls of that onto a plate and microwave for 30 seconds then dare people to try it if you're bored

[Anonymous No.18855902]

>>18855620
You're a good man.

[Anonymous No.18855964]

>>18855578
I dropped a ripe homegrown tom on my floor.

[Anonymous No.18855970]

Worst one recently was when I made a fuckhuge batch of pizza dough and didn't think nothing was wrong until I made the first pizza and instantly remembered I forgot to put salt in it.

[Anonymous No.18855974]

>>18855581
That cake looks delicious. Thanks for telling me about it. How big of cake were you making i looked at a recipe and it only took 1.5 cups of butter

[Anonymous No.18856007]

>>18855964
I mourn your loss.

My biggest culinary fuck-up was definitely going to /ck/. I will never recover.

[Anonymous No.18856022]

I burnt the fuck out of my right arm once on a hot oven, that scared up but also healed up within a few months. I showed a manager of mine that because I wasn't wearing the proper suit and tie and he understood, that was nasty looking. No scar was left at all.

[Anonymous No.18856024]

>>18855578
Trying to brew troonshine.

[Anonymous No.18856028]

i want this specific exact individual pizza that was made, and eaten, november 20th , 2020. https://i.4cdn.org/ck/1674681354623835.jpg

it got smashed against a wall in the box accidentally
i want this pizza and i don't want any other pizzas
even though it was made and eaten 3 years ago and it was jacked up even at the time
even if i doxxed this pizza i couldn't get the same pizza from the same place because things have changed probably and people come and go
all i have is a picture of it and imagining what it tastes like, but the pizza was gone years before i even knew it existed
it looks pretty similar to most pizzas
but actually, it's one of a kind, it's unique even though it's still just a pepperoni pizza, and between all the pizzas that people in the world have made in the last three years
three years after this pizza was made and eaten, i saw a picture of it, and it became more than just one pizza in the world to me

it became a pizza to the exclusion of other pizzas
for no real reason in particular
the ghost of this pepperoni pizza travelled across time to fixate my hunger long after it's own death, through no effort of its own, on the part of no special intention on the account of anyone involved in this pizzas brief existence
and in such a way... we are more alike than different

rest in pepperonis, pizza that will always could have been, to me, too late, seperated by too wide a gulf of fortune

but you know what? if this pizza had shown up at my doorstep by some careless turn of blind fate... i'd have probably taken it for granted

if god turned the rubicks cube of time and accident and three years ago that pizza had shown up at my door instead of someone elses, i might not have even been hungry that day
that pizza wouldn't have been special to me
so not only is this pizza 3 years since eaten unique to me because of some alignment of the stars, it could have only become the object of desire in this way, and in no other way

[Anonymous No.18856035]

>>18856024
WTF?

[Anonymous No.18856036]

>>18856028
are you OK?

[Anonymous No.18856039]

>>18855620
what an odd thing to think
to think the particular waves of fate that made this pizza so special to me, also made it physically unattainable
but if i had had this very pizza, it would have been just another pizza

there's six pizza places near me but none of them have this pizza. this pizza was gone 3 years ago. i could take a picture of this pizza to somewhere and ask them to make me one just like it, and give them a hundred dollar bill to make it happen

and it still wouldn't be THIS pizza it'd just be an imitation

it's just a pizza that once was. and it's pretty much like most any other pizza. but thats the pizza i want. i heard a story about this pizza

someone said that the pizzaman showed up and fumbled getting it out of the bag, and he tried to stop it from falling for like 10 agonizing seconds, and then kind of caught the box by slapping it against the wall, and he was quite distraught at having ruined the customers pizza but the customer isn't a wound up neurotic wreck, so he just said, well lets look at the damage.

checked it out, and it wasn't that bad. he laughed and said, i'll take it, and paid the price of the pizza to the man. so the pizza i see, the story that brought it to my attention, and the image that caught my attention, it's the product of an accident and a reaction of people far away from me. if the pizza hadn't been fucked up a bit and slammed against a wall, it wouldn't have had a story to tell about it that i'd hear one day

they wouldn't have taken a picture of it when they brought it in, that i'd see one day. and so without the mistake, the fumble, the damage, the story, the accidents, and three years of floating around the back of other peoples minds, i wouldn't be hungry for this pizza in the way that makes me not hungry for other pizzas.

and now, someone's told a second story about this pizza. maybe this will be the last time anyone mentions it, ever.

[Anonymous No.18856040]

>>18856024
Not mental illness.

[Anonymous No.18856041]

>>18856024
You're gonna get shot or get an arrow in your back for that kind of shit on the prairie, maybe then some tumbeweeds will go over you.

[Anonymous No.18856051]

>>18856028
pepperoni could be crispier but maybe it's just the lighting

[Anonymous No.18856072]

>>18856051

everything could be something else, and what are you gonna do when perfect isn't good enough for you?

[Anonymous No.18856075]

For me its the pupperoni

[Anonymous No.18856179]

>>18855604
Combining vinegar and tobasco sounds like overkill

[Anonymous No.18856189]

>>18856024
This proves they aren't mentally ill

[Anonymous No.18856195]

>>18856189
>aren't mentally ill
excuse you?

[Anonymous No.18856197]

>>18855578
I once made a dough for a cake so thick (too much flour) that my mixer unironically exploded

[Anonymous No.18856202]

over salted a lamb stew because I thought someone was picking up cabbage but no one did

[Anonymous No.18856209]

>>18855974
I went back and looked at the recipe and it called for 10 tablespoons of butter, I mis-read as 10 sticks

[Anonymous No.18856215]

I tripped on carpet floor spilling my pot of my famous chili in the office once.

[Anonymous No.18856224]

>>18855581
This story could only be more American if you got shot by a 6 year old.

[Anonymous No.18856225]

>>18855578

>my turn to cook for the apartment
>decide to get bold and try making beef stroganoff
>start the process, reading the recipe from small font on my phone
>rather than zooming in like a smart person would, I just glance at the instructions
>start adding flour
>one cup of flour
>seems like a lot but that's what the recipe says
>add another cup
>alright that's definitely too much
>re-read the instructions
>right amount, wrong ingredient
>try to salvage what flour I can
>realize the dish is ruined

That's how I ended up buying pizza for the night

[Anonymous No.18856295]

>>18856225
>2nd cup of flour ruined a roux fpr multiple peoples worth of beef stroganoff
anon it was almost definitely fine

[Anonymous No.18856301]

>>18856028
>>18856039

[Anonymous No.18856487]

>>18856024
>>18856035
>>18856040
>>18856189
>believing this

[Anonymous No.18856490]

>>18856487
ywnbaw

[Anonymous No.18856504]

>>18856490
Not trying to be, but the photo on the left is fucking rice you imbecile

[Anonymous No.18856543]

>>18855578
>dehydrating tobasco peppers for the first time last year
>using bare hands like an idiot
>go to take a piss
>oh shit that burns
>bottom of dick on fire
>go to bathroom sink and use wet paper towel to try to wipe off dick
>all it does is spread the oil to my ballsack
>EXTREME PAIN
>go to kitchen sink
>spend the next few minutes blasting my junk with cold water from the spray hose
>still not working
>get an idea
>grab milk from fridge, pour it in coffee mug and dip everything in there
>relief
>spend the next 15 minutes with my balls and dick in a coffee mug full of milk, contemplating my life choices
those pepper flakes are the best though, already ran out of them and will do it again this year. With gloves this time.

[Anonymous No.18856564]

>>18856543
I eat extremely spicy food and after a particularly spicy ramen My body changed so whenever I eat extremely spicy food I piss out the spicy. It's very uncomfortable.

[Anonymous No.18856587]

>>18856490
>if something is funny, i will believe it

i get it, but this is still a terribly mindset

[Anonymous No.18856705]

>>18855578
>I was 12 or 13 years old.
>Mom buys vanilla ice cream and some fruits because she likes to make some fruit salad for herself or even eat the ice cream alone.
>She tells me and my dad that we can eat from the box as well.
>One afternoon I decide to make banana split with some of it and some chocolate syrup from the kitchen.
>Can't find the bananas, but eventually see one peeking out at the top of the fridge.
>Mom arrives from work while I'm sitting in the living room eating it.
>I tell her that the ice cream is good, but the bananas are a bit plain and hard to chew for some reason.
>She asks me about the place I picked it from.
>The bananas were on the kitchen counter, but I didn't see them because a pot was in front of them.
>It turns out I picked one of the unripe plantains she deep-fries for dinner or chops for stews.
>I didn't care that the peel was a bit green and tough to take off.
>Fifteen years later she still makes fun of me for that.

[Anonymous No.18856734]

>>18855620
that's pretty funny. good job being a nice decent person as well.

[Anonymous No.18856739]

>>18855964
:(

[Anonymous No.18856782]

>>18856705
haha that’s silly

[Anonymous No.18856841]

>>18856007
fuck off reddit fag, there is nothing wrong with /ck/

[Anonymous No.18856860]

>>18855578
I remember going to China in like 2004 and seeing take out food like noodle soup being poured into bags seemed really weird to me and something like this was what I'd expect

[Anonymous No.18856862]

>>18855578
I made a carrot cake yesterday. Used a recipe id followed before, but i bought a new circular pan to cook it in.
What went wrong is that the pan fucking leaked. All of the batter dripped out, leaving behind a bunch of softened carrots and pecans lightly coated in sugar and vanilla.
It was a springform pan, which i havent used before, and it must not have been fully tightened shut.
At least the carrot mixture is edible.

[Anonymous No.18856907]

Worst fuckup happened when I stumbled home from the bar piss drunk at around 11 PM. I was hungry as fuck and had some chicken thighs, so I put them in the oven with some BBQ sauce and sat down on the couch to watch some TV while I waited for them to cook.
I fell asleep instantly and woke up around 0530 the next morning to a horrible burning chicken smell. They were black and shriveled up and dry and hard as a rock. Worst part was I was so hungry and hung over I ate them anyway.

[Anonymous No.18856914]

Not a fuckup but I have nowhere else to post this. What're you think you're looking at in this picture? Who's not retarded. Let's see

[Anonymous No.18856926]

I spilled an entire Panang curry in my old car, it smelt horrible and i had to dismantle my interior. Seat carpet and all, I had a lovely penicillin experiment underneath the carpet.

[Anonymouse No.18856936]

>>18855578
Colinflower soup.

[Anonymous No.18856950]

>>18856862
You're supposed to line springform pans with parchment paper

[Anonymous No.18857026]

>>18855605
> is renting a room to a retard and having him fuck up everything in my kitchen thread related?

Please tell me the story, anon

[Anonymous No.18857046]

>>18856914
No idea. Looks like tightly wrapped chicken breasts. Did you individually wrap a bunch of Chicken Kiev or something?

[Anonymous No.18857049]

I don't know why I tried making whole wheat garlic biscuits but they were terrible.

[Anonymous No.18857060]

>>18856907
Done this before but with chicken drums, honestly not the worst thing I've ever eaten.

[Anonymous No.18857077]

>>18856564
You have diabetes

[Anonymous No.18857078]

>>18856039
Honestly yeah, kind of strange. It was:

Luigi's Pizza
2243 Suite A, Lowes Dr West,
Clarksville, TN 37040

If you happen to be in the area. I don't live there anymore but their pizza was honestly great, this pizza included.

[Anonymous No.18857086]

>>18856487
>tranime
stay in denial about it, just like you do with your made-up gender.

[Anonymous No.18857094]

>>18857086
sir that character is from a videogame, please remember where you are.

[Anonymous No.18857101]

>>18856504
Yes, they cook the rice in the bag to infuse it with the estrogenic properties of the bag. Some troon ate that whole pot.

[Anonymous No.18857110]

>>18857094
troonhu is still anime

captcha: You Will 2roon AcK

[Anonymous No.18857117]

>>18857110
By definition no? But please keep being retarded.

[Anonymous No.18857122]

>>18857101
Now theyre even speedrunning cancer any%?

[Anonymous No.18857132]

Not mine, but saw it.
> work at a bustling sports bar
> make ranch dressing by the fucking bucketload
> just finished making 3 gal of that awful shit in a big lexan bucket
>coworker takes it to stow in the walk in
> hands slip,drops the 3 gallon bucket of ranch dressing on the floor
> some kind of strange harmonic reaction between the plastic bucket and the gooey liquid it contained took place
> the moment the bucket hits the floor to turned into a ranch dressing cannon.
> coworker is hunched over, trying to catch it when the high velocity torrent of ranch is released.
> Ranch splattered on the fucking ceiling. Coworker looks like a fucking ghost made of dressing. It's fucking everywhere.
> if you like ranch dressing fuck you

[Anonymous No.18857135]

>>18856039
this got me
life is pretty weird isn't it

[Anonymous No.18857138]

>>18857132
it bounced lol

[Anonymous No.18857144]

>>18855581
My cat ate the tip off of a door stopper. Got stuck in her lower intestines and she had to have and inch of that tract removed. She's alive and well, worth it too, but you definitely saved yourself some money on a cat like that. Pic super related

[Anonymous No.18857150]

One time I had four eggs sitting on the counter about to cook them and one of them somehow rolled off of the counter onto the floor and I started screaming really loudly and punching myself in the head and my neighbor called the police to come check on me

[Anonymous No.18857179]

>>18857150
You have a good neighbor, hope he saves up enough to move soon.

[Anonymous No.18857180]

>>18855581
Please don't have any more pets

[Anonymous No.18857231]

>>18857150
Makes me feel better that my self-punching conniptions are over more than just dropping eggs.

Worst fuckup was putting my instant ramen in the microwavable square ramen cooker dish, then sleep-deprived me wanted it extra tender so I set it to seven minutes on high. I eventually smelled smoke and ran to the kitchen, realizing I forgot to add the water.
It was just a smoldering brick of black noode and plastic, the kitchen and microwave reeked for a long while after.

Another "fuckup" my friend won't stop giving me shit for is when I added rotel to my spaghetti sauce, I don't get the big deal.

[Anonymous No.18857259]

>>18856209
Incompetence killed the cat

[Anonymous No.18857261]

>>18855581
Do you mind post the recipe?
There are few stray cats I want to get rid of

[Anonymous No.18857283]

>>18855581
Did the cat choke on the butter or something?

[Anonymous No.18857287]

>>18856209
Jesus christ anon, surely by the 5th stick your common sense must have told you something was amiss, right?
mfer went through 2 1/2 boxes of butter without raising an eyebrow.

[Anonymous No.18857296]

>>18857077
No I dont, you goofball. 6 foot 150lbs. I eat the fuck out of ramen and white rice, and haven't passed out from it once!

[Anonymous No.18857297]

>>18857144
my cat looks just like that except shorter
they're retarded as fuck

[Anonymous No.18857312]

>>18857287
It's obviously not a real story.

[Anonymous No.18857339]

>>18857283
It's an American cat and so likely already had diabetes and clogged arteries. The butter was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

[Anonymous No.18857341]

>>18857312
>>18857287
See
>>18856209

[Anonymous No.18857360]

>>18857312
It's the funniest way for a cat to tragically die, not involving clowns.
There are definitely people out there that incompetent with cooking, and animals are dumb as hell with eating things that kill them that I think it's plausible.

[Anonymous No.18857376]

>>18855604
>Probably the result of the maple syrup being a poor choice
The balsamic vinegar and tabasco (vinegar + chilis) is where you fucked up. Vinegars are great for marinating for like 15 minutes. More than that and the proteins start to break down in the literal acid bath. That marinade sounds great, although, as this anon said >>18856179 tabasco is overkill. Next time try your marinade for 15 minutes max. Also, a turkey burger patty sounds like it'd be ground turkey which has way more surface area and isn't as structurally sound as a regular cut: Meaning, 15 minutes may even be overkill too.

[Anonymous No.18857608]

>>18857144
Cute kitteh. Also checked.

[Anonymous No.18857673]

>>18855581
How much sugar was there in addition to the butter? How heavy was the cat? Need to scale it up up for my own suicide.

[Anonymous No.18857683]

>>18856487
Trannyyyyyyy
Remember, dilation is forever! Just like a real woman huh

[Anonymous No.18857709]

>>18856209
Holy fuck

[Anonymous No.18857732]

>>18855581
No :(

[Anonymous No.18857749]

>>18856022
Someone call for help, this anon is having a stroke

[Anonymous No.18857753]

Fucked up a sourdough panbread, shit wouldn't rise in time.
I "saved" it by mixing store yeast with water and adding it to the dough, mixing it in. Sure enough, it started to rise after like an hour.
Tasted an awful lot like yeast.

[Anonymous No.18857755]

>>18856024
>troonshine

[Anonymous No.18857765]

>>18855620
I'd devour that whole pizza

[Anonymous No.18857888]

>>18855581
Your cat was too stupid to live.

[Anonymous No.18858210]

>>18855581
Animals are retarded. Nature wed it out.

[Anonymous No.18858236]

>>18855964
Purely tragic

[Anonymous No.18858260]

>>18858210
>we'd it out

[Anonymous No.18858367]

>>18856209
>I went back and looked at the recipe and it called for 10 tablespoons of butter, I mis-read as 10 sticks
I've done something similar - I microwaved a frozen burrito for 11m 20s instead of 1 1/2m.

[Anonymous No.18858376]

>>18855581
Pics or it didn't happen

[Anonymous No.18858410]

>>18856914
Homemade pussies

[Anonymous No.18858555]

>>18855578

>In a dark place during wedding preparation
>Decide to make French Onion Soup
>Make a double batch because it's such a pain in the dick to make
>Like 10 LBs of onions
>Buy a 4 pack of 16 oz beers to make it more fun
>Drink 3 beers by the time the onions are cut and caramelizing in the dutch oven
>Have a 1 hour period of carmelizing ahead of me
>Decide to take a puff of my marijuana vape pen and watch tv while stirring every 10 minutes
>Hit the pen
>OHGOD.JPG
>Immediate cold sweats
>The Spins TM
>Run to bathroom
>Brain is spinning, so uncomfortable
>Fiance calls me
>I explain the situation, we talk about her day at work
>Realize I have no idea how much time has passed
>Can't get off the bathroom floor
>Use all my willpower to stand up and stumble to the kitchen to stir the onions
>Thick sheet of burnt onions on the bottom of the pan
>Scrape up and remove as much as I can
>Final soup still has acrid burnt taste

[Anonymous No.18858580]

>>18858555
pussy.

[Anonymous No.18858587]

>>18858555
deserved
hope you die

[Anonymous No.18858601]

>>18856209

[Anonymous No.18858602]

i dont even know what i did wrong, i had used that glass tray dozens of times

[Anonymous No.18858607]

[Anonymous No.18858611]

>>18858602
>>18858607
Wtf anon, you're cursed or something.
If you're marriageable then please just let the mrs take over from now on.

[Anonymous No.18858619]

>>18857132
I take literal drinks of Hidden Valley ranch dressing in between bites of Tyson chicken strips.

[Anonymous No.18858625]

>>18858602
was it straight out of the fridge or freezer?

[Anonymous No.18858643]

>>18856024
They could just stole tampons and dring the blood.

[Anonymous No.18858644]

>>18858625
potatoes were frozen, ham refridgerated, tray came from the cupboard

[Anonymous No.18858647]

>>18855578
I was making beef wellington according to J Kenji Lopez-Alt's recipe from Serious Eats.
https://www.seriouseats.com/the-ultimate-beef-wellington-recipe
Where he tells you to wrap it in phyllo dough before putting on the puff pastry.
I misread it and instead used phyllo dough instead of puff pastry. No butter or anything on it.
The result was just a dry and flavorless crust that tasted like flour. Had to cut it all off.

The other was making panzarotti.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lR2GKuKqPQ
Where my filling was too wet, and I probably put too much in. Turning the pizza into just a slush of soggy raw dough and filling that I couldn't fry if I tried. Absolute mess to work with. Just threw it into a pan and baked it instead.

[Anonymous No.18858654]

>>18855964
Boo, you stink!

[Anonymous No.18858675]

>>18858602
I never use those glass trays.

When I was kid one exploted in the oven, and other exploted in my mom's hands after she put it out the oven, burning ther arms with the food pretty bad.

[Anonymous No.18858688]

>>18858607
I see many tops fliying and breaking the roof, but never see the pan going down and destroying the stove

[Anonymous No.18858812]

>>18857122
Yes since cancer is an effective way of dying.

[Anonymous No.18858881]

>cook a steak that's been laying in the freezer for a long time
>it's a bigger steak than what I usually got from the store, expensive shit, good thing I didn't pay a dime for it
>put it on grill for the same time I usually cook the smaller steaks
>it's charred and inedible somehow

[Anonymous No.18858978]

>camping in Yellowstone campground
>making pancakes for breakfast
>add water to Bisquick shake n pour
>its not mixing very well so I'm shaking the hell out of it for several minutes
>air builds up and cap suddenly explodes
>batter all over the campsite
>try best to clean up but its not enough
>next morning wake up to a grizzly bear sniffing around the firepit
>starts doing fake charges at my friend who is freaking out
>large crowd of people gathered around our campsite taking photos of the bear
>im still in my tent wearing nothing but longjohns with a massive morning wood boner and holding a piss
>tent to small to stand up so putting on pants takes a few minutes
the bear eventually wandered off somewhere else, but the whole time I was worried the bear was going to tear down my tent and a bunch of people would film me getting mauled to death with a hardon

[Anonymous No.18858984]

>>18855578
>finally get to cook for myself
>but a piece of fish to cook so I can get used to my new kitchen
>let it set in the fridge like the instructions say
>bake it the next evening
>it picks up a slight hint of old refrigerator flavor
>but tastes fine with tartar sauce
>get fucking wasted in my new house
>give myself alcohol poisoning
>dry heave so hard it embeds that fucking fish and refrigerator smell into my genome
>stink like fish skin for about a fucking week

[Anonymous No.18859137]

>>18858881
the fat probably defrosted and rendered too quickly

[Anonymous No.18859187]

>>18855620
That brand of beans (to the right of the pizza) is my favorite

[Anonymous No.18859197]

Made pig tripe soup and didn't wash it properly. It tasted extremely bitter. Inedible.
Cooked pig intestines. There was still bits of shit in them. They stunk terribly as I washed them in vinegar, wine, water, flour water, etc. Couldn't get the smell out of my hands after. Couldn't enjoy the result either. Kept thinking about the smell.
Forgot to take the meat out of the freezer the first (and only) time I did Christmas dinner for my family.
At university I ate an absolute shitload of microwave baked potatoes. I had always been taught to pierce the skin beforehand, but once I forgot and the potato cooked a lot faster. Thereafter I chose not to pierce the skin, to speed the cooking process, like in a pressure cooker. One day a potato exploded, the microwave exploded and set on fire. The fire went out quickly but the house was full of poisonous smelling smoke.

[Anonymous No.18859287]

>>18858675
I hope your mom is dead

[Anonymous No.18859305]

>>18858675
I hope your mom is fine
give her my regards

[Anonymous No.18859324]

one time I made food and my family liked it so much they started to eat it weekly
this is the part of the post where I am duty-bound to explain that the meal I showed them was a student poverty meal of processor meat, tomato sauce, spaghetti, sweet bell pepper and essentially nothing else

[Anonymous No.18859326]

>>18855578
i had a great idea to cook oatmeal in coffee so i could drink my coffee and eat my oatmeal at the same time. I figured it would taste smooth like coffee ice cream. It tasted like pure dogshit, bitter burnt coffee. Couldn't eat it, even if I was starving.

[Anonymous No.18859372]

>>18856024
Wtf no lol they don't

[Anonymous No.18859373]

>>18858978
>a bunch of people would film me getting mauled to death with a hardon
you will never be a woman

[Anonymous No.18859378]

>>18856543
about once a month i'll forget to properly scrub my hands after handling chillis and rub my eyes
that's always fun

[Anonymous No.18859380]

>>18856209
Didn't have some doubts when you fucking bought 10 sticks of butters for one goddamn cake? Are you retarded?

[Anonymous No.18859391]

>>18858555
>Drink alcohol
>Hit marijiuany pen
>Get wasted
Oh gee I wonder how that happened

[Anonymous No.18859423]

>>18856295
I'm sure it was fine, but his fuckup wasn't food related, it was living in an apartment with roommates.

[Anonymous No.18859428]

>>18855581

[Anonymous No.18859430]

>>18857179
>hope he saves up enough to move soon.
This is the most hilarious insult I've heard in the last hour.

[Anonymous No.18859435]

>>18858602
Is that real pyrex or was it dollar store pireks?

[Anonymous No.18859439]

>>18858978
It's fine. The first bite of a major blood vessel would have plummeted your blood pressure, and you'd have gone flaccid. Moral of the story is: Die quickly!

[Anonymous No.18859903]

>>18856224
top kek

[Anonymous No.18859911]

>>18855578
hot soup eaten straight from a halfway melted plastic bag is one of life's simple pleasures

[Anonymous No.18859927]

>>18855581
Interesting. Does this work on pits?

[Anonymous No.18859942]

>>18855581

>>18855590 >>18855623 >>18855675 >>18855707 >>18855974 >>18856224 >>18857144 >>18857180 >>18857261 >>18857283 >>18857673 >>18857732 >>18857888 >>18858210 >>18858376 >>18859428 >>18859927
it's a copypasta >>/ck/?task=search&ghost=&search_text=+fuzzy+body+is+covered+in+butter

[Anonymous No.18859946]

>>18855578
While at university each dorm building did a group Thanksgiving thing where everyone who wasn't headed home piled into the communal kitchen/eating area to make food and share with each other. We're talking 2 and a half large kitchens (one per floor but only a few people used the 3rd floor kitchen) each with room for 30+ people along with several dozen people out on the green using the shitty park style charcoal grills.
Deciding I want to do something special, I buy a large deep fryer from Walmart and make turkey tempura, various vegetable tempura, chicken tempura, steak tempura, french fries, corn dogs, and anything else anyone brought over to me to deep fry, I deep fry for them.
Yes, I brought a large ass deep fryer to a location with 100+ college age students milling about, with at least half of them drunk.
>"Dude! You can't deep fry turkey! It'll like, explode into a fireball and stuff. I saw it on the tv."
>"That's frozen turkey. And it's the ice and water that does it, not the turkey. This turkey is fully thawed."
>"Ice?"
>"Yes, ice."
>"Dude, that doesn't make sense. How is ice going to make fire?"
>"Google it."
>"So you're saying if I dump this cup of ice, right here, into that deep fryer, it'll somehow make a fireball."
>"Yes."
>"This ice. The ice I have in this cup. Right now."
>"Ye- NO STOP!!!!"
And that's how deep fryers became banned at my university.

[Anonymous No.18859947]

>>18859942
womp womp faggot

[Anonymous No.18859954]

>>18857231
>I added rotel to my spaghetti sauce
omg you added tomatoes and chillies to your spaghetti

[Anonymous No.18859971]

>>18859946
Did they at least learn their lesson?

[Anonymous No.18860000]

>>18859971
Considering that they are women, the answer is no.

[Anonymous No.18860202]

>>18858555
Lightweight

[Anonymous No.18860207]

>>18859942
lol no shit, most of us already knew
why did you still give them (You)s?
my god when did "just don't feed the trolls" get lost as a method?

[Anonymous No.18860213]

>>18858881
tell me you didn't cook it from frozen
also the thicker it is that bitch should be a room temp so the middle heats faster and you don't have to scorch the outside
or bake in the oven til 10 degrees below final temp and then sear really hot and fast on both sides and rest it

[Anonymous No.18860218]

>>18859942
no shit sherlock what a way to admit you are new.
rule one: if you think it's a meme or copypasta just ignore it

[Anonymous No.18860246]

>>18857078
I have a friend moving there soon. He says Caprigo's Pizza is better than Luigi's. What's your opinion? Is he a lying a cunt?

[Anonymous No.18860253]

>>18859947
>>18860207
>>18860218
>"Y-yeah I knew that already!"

[Anonymous No.18860255]

>>18858978
as a woman, this story made me wet. i love the thought of men being humiliated by their natural bodily functions like i am

[Anonymous No.18860270]

>>18860253
yes

[Anonymous No.18860279]

>>18860218
idk i like responding to copypasta sometimes

[Anonymous No.18860306]

>>18855581
Please tell me the cat was orange.

[Anonymous No.18860350]

>>18858602
Did you notice an cracks on the tray before you used it?

[Anonymous No.18860406]

>>18858602
I have this fucking habit of cleaning and washing everything immediately after use when I don't need them anymore. So recently when I was boiling something in a pot with a glass lid on and when it was done I immediately started to rinse the lid and it exploded under the cold water (it was accidentally cold)

[Anonymous No.18860427]

>>18857026
>Chipping my knives by cutting frozen pizza directly on the cooking tray instead of moving it to a cutting board
>Filling up my fridge with bullshit like 2Ls of soda and bowls with 1 bite of food left in them
>Cramming my freezer so full of nonsense that it couldn't circulate air and stopped working which resulted in everything in there going bad
>Breaking the Pyrex I inherited from my mom
>Ruining several of my nonstick pans/pots by letting them cook dry and/or cooking at an unreasonable temp and/or cleaning them with steel wool and/or dropping them causing dents that made the lids not fit
>Leaving polymer cookware on hot pans resulting in it melting because he didn't understand that the heat remains when the flame is gone
>Cracking eggs on the counter and leaving the shells and residue there because he's used to mommy picking them up
>Broke all but like 5 of my glasses
>Somehow broke my microwave
>Rusted my cast iron griddle to hell & back
>Used all of my salt & butter & sugar without asking or even telling me that he'd finished it off
>Fucked up my mixer in the process of getting blue batter all over the kitchen, which of course he failed to clean
>When C19 panic first happened and I went to the grocery store to find the shelves empty I came home to find that he'd eaten my emergency supply of pasta/rice/lentils/SPAM/sardines/etc.
>Would singlehandedly fill up the trash bin because he mostly ate prepackaged garbage and drank gallons of soda every day but bitched that I treated him "like a slave" when I told him to take it out
>Ruined my oven mitts
>Filled my cabinets and every horizontal surface with dollar store spice mixes
>Used my rice to make dog food, when I demanded he replace it he did so with highly questionable Mexican market rice with what appeared to be mouse turds in it
That's just off the top of my head, I could probably think of more but I don't like to think about that dumbass.

[Anonymous No.18860472]

>>18860406
I used to be terrified of this glass electric kettle I had because I would pour out all the boiled water and then had to refill it right way to get it boiling again for something else. It never popped but I was scared.
I don't think cooking-grade glass explode even if you get it hot and then put it in cold water.

[Anonymous No.18860483]

>>18855581
I once tried to make a fudge, and it said to add like 4 cups of sugar plus the can of sweetened condensed milk. Thought it was a bit much, but made it anyways.

solid sugar

[Anonymous No.18860497]

>>18855620
I believe you lol

[Anonymous No.18860502]

>>18856543
>Ballsack in a mug with milk
Kek'd.

[Anonymous No.18860509]

>>18860472
that lid sure popped within like a fucking second under running water and I was left with holding the handle while everything except it and the metallic outer rim exploded in the sink (thankfully)

[Anonymous No.18860531]

>>18860427
the only things you are wrong on is for owning teflon coated cookware. Remember, manufacturers say never use it above medium or it will give you cancer. Also NCBI study shows boiling water in a teflon coated pot doubles the amount of fluoride in it after 10 mins. remember, it's Poly tetra FLUORO ethylene

[Anonymous No.18860532]

>>18856039
That's the beauty of life though, isn't it? Everything is but a passing moment, an actor on a stage that is our conscious. Perhaps nothing is real but our moment to moment experiences.

Nothing has significance until we place significance on it, and you are correct in your assessment that without that story that pizza would've been just another pizza. But now it is an interesting story, now that moment lives on as a written experience for others to imagine. Perhaps that truly is all life is.

[Anonymous No.18860570]

>>18858367
There is no way, even a legitimately retarded person would have to be beyond low functioning like to the point of being nonverbal to be this stupid. How could you look at what I’m imagining is a medium sized microwaveable burrito and think to yourself “yeah, 11 minutes seems fine. It’s definitely not going to turn into a fucking IED.” Peak idiocy

[Anonymous No.18860577]

>>18858644
Ding ding ding, we have a winner: you’re stupid. Deserved

[Anonymous No.18860784]

>>18859326
Just make instant oats with coffee bro, why even take the time to make non-instant oats? Boggles the mind

[Anonymous No.18860790]

>>18860255
You should give men boners in public by acting really slutty and clingy and then make fun of them for it
Teenage boys would be even better

[Anonymous No.18860794]

>>18860790
This is terrible advice, I would clock you in the jaw and feel no remorse if you even fucking touched me that's sexual assault motherfucker no matter what gender you are.

[Anonymous No.18860839]

>>18856209
did the check out girl say anything when you rolled 4 lbs of butter down the belt?

[yet all along... No.18860842]

>>18860207
Thanks for feeding me bro :)

[Anonymous No.18860998]

>>18857144
that's a fine cat
>>18860839
4lbs butter is just another day at costco

[Anonymous No.18861210]

>>18859946
>>"Google it."
Do you really say this in real life? What a smug fuck you are, you deserved it.

[Anonymous No.18861330]

I'm sure there were some when I was younger but the most recent was making bread dough by weighing.
>add the flour and yeast and all the dries
>add the water
>mix
>why is this so fucking dry, there's nowhere near enough liquid for this to form
>shit's fucked, bad reciepe
>throw it away
>realize about 2 hours later I forgot to zero out the scale with the water pitcher by itself so it had like 1/3rd of the actual water it needed

[Anonymous No.18861337]

>>18856024
>troonshine
zozzle

[Anonymous No.18861491]

One time I referred to food as "goyslop" while on a date

[Anonymous No.18861515]

>>18861330
Tareable

[Anonymous No.18861531]

>>18861491
your food, or hers?

[Anonymous No.18861550]

>>18856914
looks like chicken kievs rolled and put in the freezer prior to breading?

[Anonymous No.18861572]

>>18858643
I do believe I remember reading about some troons doing that somewhere.

[Anonymous No.18861586]

>>18859946
Never give drunk spoiled rich children access to a deep fryer, lol

[Anonymous No.18861603]

>>18861531
>hers
I'm gay

[Anonymous No.18861604]

>>18861572
found it
>>18861586
or any part of a kitchen, really

[Anonymous No.18861619]

>>18855581
Diabetus

[Anonymous No.18861716]

>>18855578
I was making cookies and I put chilli powder inside instead of cinnamon.

I still ate it

[Anonymous No.18861750]

>>18860577
better watch out next time you eat frozen pizza boys! you fucking oven will explode

[Anonymous No.18861778]

>>18857150
>started screaming really loudly and punching myself in the head

[Anonymous No.18861909]

>>18856914
is it fwagra ?

[Anonymous No.18861927]

>>18861750
You bake your pizza in a glass tray?

[Anonymous No.18861950]

>>18856914
Chicken Ballantine?

[Anonymous No.18861988]

>>18858607
I don't fuck with pressure cookers.

[Anonymous No.18862082]

>>18861515

[Anonymous No.18862102]

>>18855578
I fucked around and found out.

[Anonymous No.18862141]

>>18861604
>[22,M]
Kek she probably got banned for that

[Anonymous No.18862277]

>>18856075
What did you do to it?

[Anonymous No.18862612]

>>18855578
Worst kitchen thing that's happened to me thus far is just a teeny tiny flame rising from the bottom of the oven after i let a cottage pie overflow and leak
Quickly quelled with baking soda but still scared me good

[Anonymous No.18862686]

>>18855581
at least he went out in a buttery bliss...

[Anonymous No.18862703]

>>18855581
RIP buttercat sleep tight kiki

[Anonymous No.18862706]

>>18857287
at that point you're too invested in your denial and just keep going knowing it's a mistake.

[Anonymous No.18862769]

>>18860213
It was thawed, of course.

[Anonymous No.18862782]

>>18860427
Sounds to me you're the retarded one here. You rented out to this guy and didn't evict him.

[Anonymous No.18862840]

>>18856543
>be me
>want to make my apartment something special
>prepare ingredients to make a roux
>turn around fumbling with the flour and homegrown tomato
>drop them both to clean up
>meanwhile my friend tries to open some tabasco and dips his balls in a mug of milk
>I come down the next morning and my cat had eaten one of his milky testicles and died
>mfw my friend says “let’s take a peek at the damage and see what we’re working with”

[Anonymous No.18862862]

Always have a taste. Was not really paying attention: potato flour vs powdered sugar.
Yeah, ruined the dish

[Anonymous No.18862867]

>>18861210
At the time I hadn't bothered to read the science behind it, I had just read a list of warning about using a deep fryer. Also the guy was annoying and I was trying to keep track of what was frying and for how long.

[Anonymous No.18863040]

>>18860427
>Ruining several of my nonstick pans/pots
He did you a favor.

[Anonymous No.18863771]

>>18857144
your cat is beautiful

[Anonymous No.18863838]

>>18856028
borges x /ck/ crossover post

[Anonymous No.18863853]

the other week i cooked some salmon from the foodbank for a weirdly long amount of time but it was still undercooked and just kind of...soft and slimy? grainy and stringy?

[Anonymous No.18863864]

>>18855620
i would of beat the fuck out of that little fagghot
>>18855855
this but any dog and cats to

[Anonymous No.18864243]

>>18859372
Troons are crazy, ofc they do.

[Anonymous No.18864390]

>>18856914
I'm guessing sous vide?

[Anonymous No.18864392]

>>18857296
>eat shit load of carbs
>thinks he doesn't have diabetes

[Anonymous No.18864416]

>>18858644
Yeah. Glass will shatter when going from drastic changes in temp.

[Anonymous No.18864445]

>>18855578
This recipe for a South African relish I made last night: https://recipesfromapantry.com/chakalaka/

I think there's both a big typo and a major UK (she's UK-based) vs US difference in some of the ingredients, because she seems to be a decent cook and recipe maker otherwise. But 5 large US carrots is a fucking shitload peeled -- I shredded 2 and it nearly overwhelmed the skillet and the dish, so she must have had a completely different carrot in mind. She doesn't define the peppers -- bell is assumed in other UK recipes so that's what I assume, but that's still a shitload of peppers compared to the onion. Then there's the curry powder, which is unspecified, and I don't know what "mild" means in the UK versus the generic single type in the US. And then the baked beans, hoo boy. She said she made homemade ones, and I had homemade Boston baked beans, and was skeptical so mixed little tastes at the end, and it did not work *at all*. Canned baked beans are quite different, but I don't see any way that would work either, and from her description of the relish it would seem most people just use regular beans, so I don't know what flavor profile she had in mind. Either way, the combination was a disaster. It was odd because normally the UK-US mistranslation is with liquid measurements in baking.

[Anonymous No.18864514]

>>18856024
you mutts will believe anything if it involves people you are utterly obsessed with

normal people don't think about trannies at all

[Anonymous No.18864799]

>>18856487
Hang yourself already

[Anonymous No.18864814]

>>18859971
Probably not. We both had to go before the head of housing and explain what happened, and Drunk guy volunteered to pay for the damages; turns out his family was rich as fuck and having the kitchen repainted was nothing to him.
Other than scorching the wall and damaging a ceiling tile the damage done was pretty light. Part of the warning list I'd read about deep fryers mentioned having a cookie sheet handy to cover the thing in an emergency so I got the fire put out quickly.

[Anonymous No.18864888]

>>18862782
I did evict him, however eviction can be a pain in the ass under normal circumstances and this was during C19 so I had to jump through extra hoops. I may not have actually been able to get rid of him if he hadn't gotten caught selling drugs when he was supposed to be at work. What a piece of shit.

[Anonymous No.18865298]

>>18862840
Reading this post gave me a migraine

[Anonymous No.18865447]

>>18862840
Perfection anon, just needs a little salt

[Anonymous No.18865493]

>>18855964

[Anonymous No.18865628]

>>18855581
You used too much butter in your cake, retard

[Anonymous No.18865664]

>>18865628
>8 eggwhites
>8 egg yolks
why not just list 8 eggs?

[Anonymous No.18865684]

>>18855578
https://youtu.be/JRxJty-z9rE

[Anonymous No.18865691]

>>18855686
Debone them and if they're deboned, fuck yeah bro toss that shit in a pyrex glass pan, marinate it in teriyaki sauce. Couple hours, then cook that bitch in the oven then ideally pan-fry at the end for a good char and sear. Sweet as fuck teriyaki chicken boom bang boom bing bong, and chicken thighs are actually the best for this.

[Anonymous No.18865714]

>>18865664
So retards don't crack them in advance without separating them, I guess.

[Anonymous No.18866423]

>>18860509
lol when I was a teenager this exact thing happened to me and fucked up the garbage disposal.
Same reasoning, too- for some reason I just HAVE to clean everything asap.

[Anonymous No.18866673]

>>18855578
>make a pot of spaghetti sauce
>forget to put in the fridge
>wake up to it slowly bubbling
>stove isn't even on

I guessed it would have given me botulism and I tossed it.

[Anonymous No.18866680]

>>18858555
weak in both sauces

[Anonymous No.18866722]

>>18857110
>>18857086
When did newfags get this fucking stupid?

[Anonymous No.18866759]

>>18866673
you witnessed the miracle of life and threw it away

[Anonymous No.18866826]

this happened last weekend
>went shopping and brought along some cans in a paper bag to recycle
>picked up ~$150 worth or groceries
>put everything in the paper bag since I brought it
>right outside the store one of the handles breaks off
>doesn't look to bad, dropped two punctured cans of beer in a nearby bin
>carry the slightly wet bag to the cat
>this isn't beer juices... broken eggs? no
>500ml of EVO is all over the bag
>for some reason I think it's fine to carry the bag up the stairs to my apartment but the oil drips more and more
>all the groceries, my pants, shoes, part of my trunk and the slightly oily stairs have to be washed/wiped off
I'm never using paper bags again. the plastic bag generally don't fit more than they can hold

[Anonymous No.18867137]

>>18855578
Thai problems

[Anonymous No.18867203]

>>18866826
I only use tote bags for this reason

[Anonymous No.18867216]

>>18856028
You gotta lock that shit down, anon.

[Anonymous No.18867429]

>>18856028
>>18856039
this is what a fine looking 'za will do to a man

[Anonymous No.18867475]

>>18862840

[Anonymous No.18867530]

>>18862102
this son of a bitch bites, took a chunk out of the finger i used for fingerprint logins on my phone

[Anonymous No.18867538]

>>18856914
Fresh juvenile garloids

[Anonymous No.18867567]

>>18862102
I remember vividly when I was young, my cousin knocked one of her fingers bad on a cheese grater and showed it to me. For whatever reason that memory really sticks out.
I do NOT ruck around with cheese graters now, always super conscious and aware of where my fingers are.

[Anonymous No.18867598]

>>18866826
>part of my trunk
This is why you keep a few cardboard boxes in your trunk lined with garbage bags. Keeps shit from rolling around as much and catches any accidents. I learned that lesson when I was 18 and a pack of sirloin steaks tipped over out of their bag and bleed all over the inside of my car.

[Anonymous No.18867607]

>>18855578
As a retard 16 year old kid in high school working at a delivery pizza place, I am pretty sure the pizza I made myself gave me food poisoning. I still wonder how many other people, if any, I gave food poisoning that night.

[Anonymous No.18867624]

>>18862840
kek

[Anonymous No.18867626]

>>18855620
This is what making america great again is really all about

[Anonymous No.18867686]

>have some friends over for D&D
>decide to make a pizza in a cast iron pan
>fumble activating the yeast
>dough never rises
>fuck it, I’m hungry
>make the pizza anyways
>the dough tasted like yeast
>after eating, I had yeast burps for hours
>felt like the bread was rising in my stomach
It was pretty uncomfortable and one of my worst pizza mishaps. At least I learned that the hot water out of my faucet is a lot hotter than the temperature that yeast needs.

[Anonymous No.18867724]

>>18857144
Looks like an imbecile kot, ngl.

[Anonymous No.18867801]

>>18855578
I tried to boil chicken wings in a pot and they fell apart.

[Anonymous No.18868499]

>>18855620
kek

[Anonymous No.18868578]

Some dumb mexican I know tried to hard boil eggs drunk but ended up passing out, all the water evaporated and then burn the eggs so badly one of them exploded

He then threw the pot in his sink, turned on the water and then passed out again kek

so he almost burnt down his apartment and then flooded it kek

[Anonymous No.18868639]

>>18861515
Fucking nice.

[Anonymous No.18868677]

>>18862840
but WHY did your sister not want to get in the tank??

[Anonymous No.18868722]

>>18855581
i laughed out loud, sorry for your loss bro

[Anonymous No.18868737]

>>18856907
i bet that shit was alright as fuck with a hangover

[Anonymous No.18869186]

>>18855581
Don't adopt another one,you clearly are not responsible or smart enough to have pets.

[Anonymous No.18869195]

I got my pan too hot earlier and accidentally cooked my steak Medium-Well

[Anonymous No.18869205]

>>18855964
I'm literally shaking rn

[Anonymous No.18869217]

>>18856209
Smartest /ck/ user:

[Anonymous No.18869225]

>>18855578
biggest fuck up was putting it in a plastic bag like its a goldfish

[Anonymous No.18869231]

>>18855578
>go to Whataburger
>they make my order long
>takes 20 minutes to get it
>get pissed off and try to speed off in anger while revving engine
>force from turning causes tea lid to come off and tea splashes all over the passenger seat and floor
>start screaming full volume for a solid minute
>end up punching middle console and break one of the buttons

[Anonymous No.18869240]

>>18869231
>*make my order wrong

[Anonymous No.18869248]

>>18856543

>spend the next 15 minutes with my balls and dick in a coffee mug full of milk, contemplating my life choices

This belongs to /lit/ + sinking the cock and balls into milk sounds like a weird fetish kek

[Anonymous No.18869249]

>>18860570
i don't have a microwave and don't know how they work (I only have a regular traditional oven like any civilized person): what's the issue is something is too micro-waved? it's just too hot or what?

[Anonymous No.18869257]

>>18855620
sincerely thanks for the laughs anon, it was well written and i'm literally crying fr

[Anonymous No.18869326]

>>18869249
Microwave ovens have a component called a magnetron that transforms electric energy into electromagnetic waves at a frequency that water molecules react to so they heat up and if the water heats up of course it turns to steam so if you zap something for too long and you have too much of it's water content turn to steam that's when you get that internal pressure builds up inside the food and sometimes it pops out and don't ever ask a retard to microwave distilled water or aluminum cans keep them away from it but telling them they can recharge an iphone with a microwave is fine.

[Anonymous No.18869381]

>>18862102
They'll humble you. One second you're telling yourself handguards are for pussies and the next you're yelling for your roommate or gf to bring you a towel and bandaids

[Anonymous No.18869573]

>>18868737
It was not. It was like eating burned leather. But sometimes there's just things a man's gotta do.

[Anonymous No.18869725]

>>18858602
This is why I don't cook in glass anymore. Even if you stay within the recommended temperature range they will sometimes explode anyway. Not worth fucking with when steel, cast iron and ceramic exist.

[Anonymous No.18869733]

>>18855578
i've fucked up roux 3/3 times for mac and cheese. good thing you can cook the shit out of the sauce and strain it.

[Anonymous No.18869741]

>>18869733
A roux can be easy to fuck up in some circumstances like if you're trying to impress some Cajun grandma but for mac and cheese? Come on man

[Anonymous No.18869887]

>>18858555
Sounds like you got a fent vape. Be wary of people passing around vapes.

[Anonymous No.18869933]

>>18855686
Cook it all of now, will last you another 2-3 days in the fridge when cooked.
Chuck it in fried rice, pastas, or pull it and cover it in a sauce, sandwiches anything where the meat isn't the star

[Anonymous No.18869996]

>>18861716
my mom did that except soy sauce instead of vanilla extract

>>18862102
my old roommate cut a huge slice of his finger with one of those and used CHILI POWDER to staunch the bleeding because he read it on the internet somewhere.

[Anonymous No.18870008]

>>18869996
>and used CHILI POWDER to staunch the bleeding because he read it on the internet somewhere.
whatever troll wrote that doesnt even know how successful he was

[Anonymous No.18870017]

>>18869231
Life is hard sometimes.

[Anonymous No.18870060]

>>18856024
Tried to look this up and the only source I could find was iFunny. More /pol/ddit schizo theory.

[Anonymous No.18870080]

>>18870060
It's fake for sure but it's a parody on how desperate trannies are and how weird they're getting to try and make DIY HRT.

[Anonymous No.18870094]

>>18856705
gay but wholesome

[Anonymous No.18870119]

>>18856907
isnt this how casey affleck killed his kids in manny by the sea

[Anonymous No.18870181]

>>18866722
>ummm ackshually touhou is not ani-
Not helping yourself here with this stereotypical tranny behavior

[Anonymous No.18870221]

>>18870181
so this is how far the brainrot has progressed. impressive

[Anonymous No.18870527]

Other than maybe slightly overcooking something or spilling things, I never had any bad fuck ups in the kitchen.Was helping my mother as a kid, so I was always handy.

[Anonymous No.18870566]

>>18858602
Material fatigue. It surely had thousands of micro fractures built up over time

[Anonymous No.18870662]

>>18870060
go back >>>/pol/

[Anonymous No.18870967]

>>18856028
>>18856039
>>18855620
wtf is this meme kek

[Anonymous No.18871419]

>>18861778
I do this when I'm having a bipolar episode on the extreme end, like I have all these emotions and I have to vent them and I don't want to hit my wife (somehow I'm married) or punch a wall so I hit myself in the head. It's followed by crippling sadness and suicidal thoughts. It goes on for a few days then goes away, then comes back every 1 or 2 months. Seriously considering suicide if this is going to happen 1-2 times monthly for the rest of my life.

[Anonymous No.18871430]

>>18856914
sosig

[Anonymous No.18871567]

when I was like 13 I tried baking bread after school. I don't know how I screwed up but I refused to let anyone see my errors and ate all 4k calories of the evidence before anyone else got home to prevent them from knowing.
>>18866673
botulism requires no oxygen and no acidity so you were safe from that particular bug. probably just yeast
>>18870080
any intelligent homebrewer uses raws for their bathtub hormones, since they 1. actually work and 2. are basically free (15 years worth for like 100 bucks last I checked). bioidentical hormones are some of the cheapest things to synthesize. of course the reality is that no one is intelligent, ever, about anything.

[Anonymous No.18871583]

Can't believe nobody posted this yet.

[Anonymous No.18871584]

>>18871583

[Anonymous No.18871590]

>>18861210
>Wow how could you be so smug as to tell someone to look it up when they don't believe you

[Anonymous No.18871671]

>>18869996
>my old roommate cut a huge slice of his finger with one of those and used CHILI POWDER to staunch the bleeding because he read it on the internet somewhere.
Oh my god.

[Anonymous No.18871683]

>>18858555
Lmao trying to salvage it

[Anonymous No.18871788]

>>18869249
Are you fucking amish

[Anonymous No.18871830]

>15
>playing MGS4
>parents are gone for the next two weeks
>making myself chicken
>first time cooking
>defrosted shit
>threw it on hot pan
>went back up stairs to play vidya
>gave myself internal clock of 5min of checking
>come back
>chicken has little flame on top of it
>all of a sudden becomes big flame
>realize it's grease fire
>grab pan like retard
>acrobat balance that shit
>throw my fucking pan outside in backyard that is desert stone shit setup
>shake for the next couple of hours, and scrub off soot from kitchen vent
nothing caught ON fire though couldn't immediately find flour or enough salt to stop it.

[Anonymous No.18872032]

>>18870080
its not hard to compound and its cheap as fuck
americans are so propagandized however that they'll suck big pharma cock at even the slightest sneeze towards body and healthy autonomy whilst going bankrupt and dying over preventable diseases

[Anonymous No.18872062]

>>18855581
RIP Buttercup

[Anonymous No.18872130]

>>18871830
That would have been even more fun if you threw flour on it.

[Anonymous No.18872139]

>>18871419
Get a sandbag you blithering retard.

[Anonymous No.18872188]

>>18855578
>be me cooking a big 5 person stew for family
>prepare everything and get it going in the oven (dutch oven)
>decide to break out my chicken stock from the freezer instead of using just water
>"oh no, this liquid from the freezer is frozen"
>smartly decide to just put the glass jar into the oven to let it thaw
>seems to be going well, after a few minutes it's half thawed
>see if i can dump all the liquid and remaining frozen stock into the stew
>glass jar shatters and sprays shards of glass into the stew
>./takeout.sh

[Anonymous No.18872294]

>>18861515
Toppest of keks. Underrated post

[Anonymous No.18872360]

>>18871584
??? only the bottom is bad, just scoop the rest wtf

[Anonymous No.18872668]

Last week I bought a jar of "seasoning con sazon" some kind of Mexican spice powder because I wanted to make Mexican flavored beef and cabbage. I just applied it heavily thinking it was mostly pepper powder and MSG, but turns out it was actually mostly salt and my shit tasted like a salt lick. It was painfully salty. But so as not to waste the food, I just ate it little by little mixed with large batches of rice over the next 2 days.

[Anonymous No.18872705]

>>18872139
That doesn't sate the same psychological need, punching shit is a self harm/destructive thing more than just excess energy

I've experienced that myself and also my longest term gf was a cutter, like bad, and I tried to tell her to exercise instead for endorphins and it was obvious there's something more complex involved

[Anonymous No.18872837]

>>18871419
maybe try meds

[Anonymous No.18872923]

>>18872705
Then punch it without gloves. That'll fuck up your hands just fine. Or find/buy a totalled car and go to town with a sledgehammer.

[Anonymous No.18872935]

Once made some tikka masala with fresh tomatoes in a cast iron skillet. Took until 1am to finish and was tired as hell so I just covered it in aluminum foil and jammed it in the fridge. Woke up the next morning to find the foil had a bunch of pinholes in it, basically turned the sauce into a battery. Had a strange metallic taste, still ate it tho.

[Anonymous No.18872952]

>>18872935
>tomatoes
>cast iron
4/10 - weak shitpost. Needs more effort.

[Anonymous No.18873003]

Botulinum poisoning. Restaraunt shut down for months.

[Anonymous No.18873210]

>>18871583
>Bitch! Wheres my dinner?! I said wheres my dinner? This shit again??!! Ive been working 12 hours to come to this shit??!! *throws pot*

[Anonymous No.18873598]

>>18865493
I love you

[Anonymous No.18873890]

>>18872952
Lol forgot about how people screech about the acid and cast iron bs. Have made simmer sauces about 20-30 times in mine and never had a problem.

[Anonymous No.18874164]

>>18858978
thanks for the kek Anon

[Anonymous No.18874195]

>>18860427
I feel you Anon thanks for sharing fren