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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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File: 126 KB, 875x1094, Smash-Burger_YT_001-WEB.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18833425 No.18833425 [Reply] [Original]

How to tell somebody doesn't know how to cook
>bro don't press the patties!
>you never, EVER press a burger bro

Where did this meme that a burger has to be an inch thick monstrosity you have to unhinge your jaw to bite into in order to be good come from?

>> No.18833433

>>18833425
I mean, they typically suck, but smash burgers are a thing.

>> No.18833434

You have misunderstood both how smash burgers are made and what the people trying to help you were saying

>> No.18833438

>>18833425
>How to tell somebody doesn't know how
They start a burger thread.

>> No.18833441

>>18833425
>How to tell somebody doesn't know how to cook
american """""cheese"""""
raw onions, ever
So everything in that image.

>> No.18833446

>>18833441
Hey everybody, look at the pissbaby

>> No.18833447

>>18833425
You know how when you press a patty all that juice comes spraying out? That's literally the flavor of your burger vanishing into the atmosphere ya fucking retard. If you want a smaller burger use a smaller patty, don't ruin it by pressing it.

>> No.18833450

>>18833425
You press the patties before you cook them you fucking stooge. You flatten patties, THEN you cook them. If you flatten them as they're already cooking you're squeezing out all of the juices and making a dry husk of a burger.

>>18833441
This person is an idiot. Exactly the same kind of child who objects to pineapple on pizza because that's a "personality quirk" they've adopted and unironically believes chicken nuggets aren't made out of chicken.

>> No.18833451

>>18833447
>t. I eat like a mongoloid with grease dribbling down my chin

>> No.18833457

>>18833441
hey, look at this fag

>> No.18833466

>>18833450
Uh, no. You press a smash burger after it's on the heat. If you end up with a dry patty, you overworked the ground beef. They are not meant to be as dense as a typical burger.

>> No.18833470

>>18833450
>Exactly the same kind of child who objects to pineapple on pizza because that's a "personality quirk" they've adopted
I fucking can't stand that performative nonsense

I used to have a friend who thought it was funny to pretend to overreact whenever a spider entered the room. One time she screamed and threw a plate of spaghetti in the air because she saw a spider crawling next to her on the couch. We're not friends anymore.

>> No.18833473

>>18833450
>Exactly the same kind of child who objects to pineapple on pizza
Not the same at all, pineapple and pizza sauce is weird, american cheese is the only kind I like on my smashburg

>> No.18833475

>>18833466
right, you smash it onto the surface hard and flat. the meat is still cool so the fat isn't rendering yet. he's correct that you shouldn't fuck with it as it's cooking, but you can't just form a smashburger before putting it on heat.

>> No.18833819

bump

>> No.18833990

>>18833447
i don't give a shit. whatever it takes to not have to deal with a wet, 4 story tall nightmare in my sandwich.

>> No.18834029

Looked a little over seasoned to me in this scene, but a good sear over two patties is vastly superior to one huge one.
https://youtu.be/4bjDrg5q7ZY

>> No.18834043

>>18833473

How is it wierd anon.

>> No.18834054

>smash burgers are the best thing ever broski
>you take your patty and smash it with a big flat press while it's on the grill
>NOOO DON'T PRESS ON IT WITH A SPATULA YOU'LL SQUEEZE OUT ALL THE JUICES

>> No.18834065
File: 156 KB, 780x1040, 20221225_090350.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18834065

Burgs are too easy and really the only way to fuck them up is by overcomplicating it.

>> No.18834071

>>18834029
>that scene
is voldemort on ketamine making a cheeseburger?

>a good sear over two patties is vastly superior to one huge one
based and true

>> No.18834098

>>18834065
where did you get the buns, i can never find good ones

>> No.18834160

>>18834065
nice sear

>> No.18834865

>>18833425
>how to tell somebody doesn't know how to cook
They say shit like, "a well-done burger can be perfectly juicy; you just don't know how to cook". They also regurgitate fotm food fads like smash burgers as though they were ever good.

>> No.18834869

>>18834065
Nice

>> No.18834874

>>18834865
0/10
low effort trolling nobody gives a shit

>> No.18836064

The impetus for this thread btw was this Jack Scalfani video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7aCKJ_31M4

You have these idiots who think they're expert cooks that undercook meat on purpose because >MUH JUICES and I've had to cut off friendships because of it.

>> No.18836078

>>18833425
>How to tell somebody doesn't know how to cook
They don't ask you how you want your hamburger or steak done and just do it their way, then they get mad when you don't like it.

>> No.18836080

>>18833470
She wanted you to rescue her then carry her to the boudoir for some private attention.

>> No.18837686

>>18834054
There's a big difference

>> No.18837752

>>18834874
He cast the line with the first sentence then just decided to throw the rod in kek

>> No.18838028

>>18833425
its a burger and u are making up a fake scenario in your head that never happened lol

>> No.18838040

>>18838028
Don't gaslight me, you're probably Jack himself

>> No.18838041

why do Americans eat their burgers raw but then shiver in their boots at a runny yolk and yet they're always shitting themselves

>> No.18838044
File: 82 KB, 1200x800, Griddle-vs-grill-1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18838044

>>18833425
I want you to look at these two cooking surfaces and then put the puzzle together in your mind.

>> No.18838048

>>18838041
yeah sweety google eggslut and sit down

>> No.18838756

>>18838044
The problem is that too many people hear good, but context-specific, advice like "don't press on a cooking burger" and parrot it without understanding that context in order to appear knowledgeable.

>> No.18838814
File: 160 KB, 630x700, 1673479438264454.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18838814

>>18833470
>I used to have a friend who thought it was funny to pretend to overreact whenever a spider entered the room. One time she screamed and threw a plate of spaghetti in the air because she saw a spider crawling next to her on the couch. We're not friends anymore.
The following happened to me about a decade back.
>friend invites a new coworker out to our usual bar hangout spot.
>she's cute and quickly becomes a member of our social circle due to her personality.
>she and I slowly start to flirt with one another, leading to becoming fuck buddies/semi-dating by going to each others' family holiday gatherings within a year.
>whenever she saw a spider, roach, moth, wasp, or anything that was an insect. She would overreact in the worst possible manner.
>we were in bed at her place, coming down after having sex. This was also after spending all day in the park enjoying a picnic when a 5-inch-long cricket landed right between our bodies. Probably came from the blanket that we used outside and was in her living room on the floor.
>I catch it and throw it outside. Not a big deal, right?
>nope, it's midnight and we have to entirely strip and wash the bed now. Along with vacuuming the entire bedroom, moving furniture around, etc. No bugs are allowed in her place whatsoever.
>we get into a massive fight since I'm not doing which leads to me eventually leaving.
>we would talk occasionally afterward but the damage had been done.
Did I fuck up a good thing? Possibly?
She would overreact to that degree regardless of whether we were out in public or at someone's house. That shit gets on your nerves after a while.

>> No.18838907

>>18833425
people who smash patties are:
idiots
in a hurry don't know how to cook.
watch too much tik tok
or just don;'

>> No.18838912

>>18833451
you eat like a homo dabbing cheese oil off a pizza.

>> No.18838922

>>18838907
such lazy bait they gave up before they finished typing

>> No.18838993

>they think mayonnaise being heated will somehow ruin it and make them sick

>> No.18839001

Kenji has everything you wanted to know about smash burgers:
https://www.seriouseats.com/ultra-smashed-cheeseburger-recipe-food-lab
For a quicker breakdown, or if you don't like Kenji (fair enough -- yt, tiktok, and the internet ruins everybody -- I like him better as a writer):
https://www.ourmodernkitchen.com/the-art-of-the-smashburger/

>> No.18839015

>>18833425
I like my burgers well done, not raw.

>> No.18839092

>>18833441
Raw onions are delicious. We eat them with raw herring on white bread over here. And raw onion with fries too.

>> No.18839096

>>18833473
I like a swiss cheese and onions burger myself.

But then, I am a massive racist.

>> No.18839161

>>18833447
Oh then you’re going to have a fucking aneurysm when I rest my cooked burgers on a paper towel to soak up all the extra grease. I mean Jesus you cook just about any burger or ground beef without cleaning the pan afterwards, the solidified fat looks like a pound of fucking candle wax, don’t tell me you eat all that

>> No.18839173

>>18838041
I slonk raw eggs for breakfast, faggot! I like my burgers cooked, you little bitch boy! And I like my tequila STRAIGHT, unlike you, CUNT!

>> No.18839181

>>18839161
In your experience, what's the best tampon for someone with a heavy flow?

>> No.18839191

>>18839181
Your mom's tongue.

>> No.18839194

>>18833447
Or you can just press them as soon as they're on the grill before any of the fat has started melting. Kinda what loads of people normally do with burgers ya know?

>> No.18839201

>>18839092
Maatjes are cured, not raw. You eat them with the tiniest bit of raw shallots, neutral aged jenever ("klare") and sourdough bread (not the supermarket garbage, the kind that comes from a windmill). Learn to eat properly, you're halfway there already.

>> No.18839211

>>18839201
Kanker op maat. Hollandse nieuwe is just served on white bread with mayo. Where the fuck are you getting jenever at a viskraam. Zure bom, ja. Geen sjalotten en jenever.

>> No.18839233

>>18838814
>Did I fuck up a good thing?
No, because she likely had a mental illness

>> No.18839271

>>18833425
It creates a bit more carcinogens, that's the only negative and it's non culinary so it dosen't matter.

>> No.18839301

>>18834065
If it had lettuce it would be a krabby patty, good lookin burg tho

>> No.18839332

>>18833447
>>18838912
>>18839181
these posts typed with a dialing wand

>> No.18839388

>>18839181
A hyuk hyuk. Seriously though you must have leaner beef than I do because frying just two patties in the pan absolutely covers it in fat

>> No.18839830

>>18838814
>Did I fuck up a good thing? Possibly?
No. This kind of ingrained behavior can rarely be corrected. That way of coercing you into giving her attention would absolutely have carried over into a long-term cohabitation or marriage.

>> No.18839857

>>18839092
Eurobros why do hate yourselves? I have to eat shit because im an american, you dont but yet you choose to.

>> No.18840181

>>18839201
>neutral aged jenever
I'm sad today. The very few shops in my state that imported aged genever are all out of stock, and there's almost no genever imported or made in the U.S. to begin with (and my state does not allow direct-to-consumer spirit shipping, though they changed the laws recently so wine and beer are ok I guess because they're sophistiicated now, idk? Rich people make laws, and now rich Americans like their afternoon wine more than ingrained Puritanical tradition.)

I'm honestly thinking of making a strategic trip to visit relatives out of state or overseas just to stock up on rare liquors at good prices.

>> No.18840199
File: 248 KB, 1440x1440, not a smash burger.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18840199

>> No.18841477

bump

>> No.18841580

>>18833990
>hmm I want a thinner patty
>intentionally puts a wet, 4 story tall nightmare on the grill
>lets it cook
>what the fuck why is it so thick
>squeezes all the juices out by pressing it
>its only marginally thinner from loss of moisture/fat, otherwise its crumbled apart
>now thats a burger
either you misunderstood what people mean by dont press the burgers, or the above is accurate to your situation

>> No.18841583

>>18839194
thats not what people are referring to when they say not to press the burgers

>> No.18841586

>>18834043
imo, good pizza sauce is raw. So we got bread, raw tomato (with spices), pineapple, and cheese. That's a kinda weird combo

>> No.18841625

>>18838814
shut the fuck up normalfaggot no one gives a shit about your blog

>> No.18842147

>>18839173
then you are my brother.