/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.18790617]

Honestly im just here to vent, its mostly kitchen related, a quick rundown will be provided at the end for the instant coffee lovers out there.
Backstory:
>be me, 27, married with wife and daughter (5 y/o (important later))
>Brother in law (28) lives with us, nice setup, neet, autistic about the Last of us, and has the basement for himself, wife and i have upstairs and main floor.
>I cook, love to cook, and am full autismo about the process.
>Brother moved here a year ago from Venezuela (wife is from there too) and things have been going great till two weeks ago.
>Brother in law starting seeing a single mom (39) a month before his visa was accepted, they've had a long distance relationship since.
arrival of the witch:
>Christmas his gf decides to come over and her daddy pays for it, she arrives on the 26th.
>the day she arrives find out she doesn't speak any English, so im using my poor Spanish and wife to communicate, doesn't matter she completely ignores me and only talks to wife and brother.
>get home, being a leaf i prepared her "traditional" smash burgers and poutine
>immediately starts complaining about it to wife and brother thinking i cant understand.
>"the sauce is gross", "why are the burgers so small", meanwhile my daughter is in the back wolfing the shit down and asking for more. doesnt finish her plate, its fine.
1/?

[Anonymous No.18790623]

Basic fucking common sense:
>next day, finally talks to me, only to ask where the coffee machine is, show her my cheap B&D, she asks me how to use it, i explain you literally add water, filter, coffee, and press on.
>says "OK" then doesnt do it, starts digging and finds my mocha pot. idgaf maybe she prefers that.
>walk into the Kitchen later, see mocha pot SITTING in sink full of dish soap, casually ask "what the actual fuck are you doing?".
>she explains it was "stained" and she was trying to clean it.
>later that day, she says she wants to cook.
>"ok sure, i had pork belly defrosting and already told you i was cooking but sure"
>grabs wood cutting board
>starts butterflying chicken
>almost have a shit-hemorrhage but say nothing and go to the living room.
>15 mins later calls me into the kitchen, "anon, what temperature should i cook the chicken at?"
>Lord jesus, "350 for 25-30 mins"
>"ok, and how do i turn on the oven?"
>*show her how to turn on the oven*
>45 fucking minutes later she calls us for supper
>burned chicken stuffed with literal wedges of onion, and my daughers kraft singles slices (we have blocks of mozza and parm in the fridge too) all beautifully stuck to the bottom of a pan with no parchment paper, and no side dish
>had to make daughter taquitos cause she didnt want to eat.
>nigh comes and she has a drink in her hand
>"whats that?"
>"oh, i was looking at your bar and made myself a drink, hope you dont mind"
>the drink she decided to make? "Hines Rare VSOP & coke" i couldn't fucking breathe and just muttered "j-just make sure you ask before you use the bar next time"
>she mixed a 110$ fucking Cognac with coke
>immediately talk to brother and ask him to tell her not to touch the bar again.
>she keeps sneaking drinks, half of my bourbon, AND amaretto disappears in the span of a week.
>im a small drink a day guy and mostly have fun collecting and tasting different alcohols. it takes time to make a dent in any of my bottles.
2/?

[Anonymous No.18790628]

>>18790617
Not cooking or food. Not your blog. Fuck off.

[Anonymous No.18790629]

Miss picky:
>been cooking all week, i work 4-10s so on work days i make fried chicken, hamburgers, wraps, etc, or just let wife cook, fun and easy foods. no issues with her then.
>started open air aging steaks with thyme and garlic a day before last work day. friday rolls around and i make sou-vide pan seared steaks. garlic, thyme, salt & pepper. lots of butter in the pan, all medium rare.
>again she starts bitching that "theirs too much blood, i dont like the spices he used" and again, daughter in the background wolfing the shit down laughing about how shes a vampire eating blood.
>say nothing, keep eating while talking to wife in english.
>next day cook braised pork belly and she complains its too soft
>third day make ribs & fries, daughters face is covered in sauce, meanwhile witch is arguing with me about wanting a knife and fork, keep explaining that "you're eating with your hands or not at all", showing her the bones literally pull out with zero effort.
>another week of work rolls by and a day before my last day i age a roast with cut out pockets stuffed with garlic and rosemary. next day, slow cook that bitch all day in bullseye, with onions, potatos, carrots, garlic, and thyme. she doesnt even eat, makes herself Eggos and goddamn Taquitos. at this point im about to have a goddamn meltdown.
3/4

[Anonymous No.18790635]

>>18790623
Why did you get mad about butterflying chicken?

[Anonymous No.18790636]

Hidden truths:
>go to bed with wife, finally vent a bit about her not even eating.
>turns out thats the tip of the iceberg.
>shes been comparing me to Bro in law, bitching him out daily about not being good at cooking.
>literally shitting on him, havent seen him this down ever.
>forcing him not to wear condoms
>degrading him and making him spend his next to minimum wage earnings on restaurants almost nightly now.
>saying she wants to move here from Venezuela but still doesn't know any english.
>told my wife that shes never living in this house so long as im here, wife agrees.
>explain to wife all the things that've been giving me mini-strokes
>wife gives brother ultimatum, break up, or move out.
>witch shows up late at night with brother in law, he gives me the drinking hand wave and hear them argue all night downstairs.
>next day she buys me a bottle of Jack Daniels as a sorry. 350ml. didnt even cover the cognac she drank. says she'll pay 40 dollars for all the food she ate.
im not accepting this half-assed apology, shes only got two days left here and i dont know what to do, i think im just gonna ignore her till shes gone, its so fucking awkward, im at home alone with her right now and shes just sitting in the kitchen, refusing to go downstairs.

quick rundown:
>brother in laws gf shits on all my cooking and steals
>lying and manipulative
>what do?
4/4

[Anonymous No.18790641]

>>18790628
go eat poop
>>18790635
she used our wood cutting board, had to scrub the shit out of it later that day

[Anonymous No.18790661]

>>18790641
Oh I see. Wood is fine for meat, you can just clean it normally. It's actually better than worn plastic cutting boards, brand new ones with no cut marks do well though. There's papers about this you can find on sci-hub. The wood actually grew less bacteria than plastic boards and hard to remove biofilms formed on used plastic boards making them less safe.

[Anonymous No.18790673]

>In laws from shit third world country
>In law relations with vagrant woman too
>Surprised when they don't know how to operate shit and starts making your house theirs

Why are you so suprised?

Also tell your bro in law to drop that worthless hag

Literally toxic as fuck. Nobody needs that shit

Fuck you can even kill her desu cause Venezuelans are trash people so nobody will care when she disappears lol

[Anonymous No.18790679]

>>18790617
>>18790629
>>18790636
All of you have to drop that piece of shit bitch.

[Anonymous No.18790692]

>>18790629
Stopped reading when you insisted someone can't use cutlery. Should have stopped sooner.

[Anonymous No.18790696]

>>18790661
didn't know that, i tend to just rinse my board cause dishsoap transfers into the vegetables i cut.
>>18790673
>>18790679
bro in law already broke up with her, but on the literal same night they hopped in the shower together, which also pisses me off cause try explaining that to a 5y/o that just asked "why did uncle go into the shower with his gf"

[Anonymous No.18790704]

>>18790696
ehhh kids seeing senpai in weird situations is kinda normal part of growing up. Good for bro in law

Set him up with some hot single not shit tier ladies and you'll have a blood brother for life

[Anonymous No.18790709]

>>18790673
this but unredditly

[Anonymous No.18790727]

You sound like a neurotic asshole, anon. Get over it. Having in-law houseguests from another culture is weird, but you need to grow up. So she doesn’t know how to work your stove, improperly stored your Mika pot and made a drink for herself? This all sound like honest mistakes.

[Anonymous No.18790740]

>>18790727
yea i get being friendly to house guests but helping yourself to other peoples stuff and complaining about food is kinda a no-no in 99% of cultures, my wife is even getting fed up with her. also Venezuela isnt a third world country, they have stoves and coffee machines, she knows how to use the TV and shower, the reason she doesnt know how to use an oven is because shes never used them, her ex-husband and parents cooked for her.