huge problem with toilet

[Anonymous No.18631721]

Hi, we have this stupid ass toilet that has a platform which i dokt know maybe lets you examine you shit or take a sample to the doctor. Its a common design in my country for some reason. My problem is that I usually take humongous dumps and the shit hits the platform but it's other end is still in my anus so it gets stuck. Pic related. How do I take a shit properly? Sometimes I lift myself up with my hands so im further away from the button/plaform but that the shit breaks in half and than wiping takes an eternity.

[Anonymous No.18631725]

>>18631721
eat slower

[Anonymous No.18631728]

>>18631721
Just pinch it halfway

[Anonymous No.18631737]

>>18631721
Slav country? Slav squat.
Stand on top of your porcelain throne and your cheeki breeki will stay clean.

[Anonymous No.18631739]

>>18631728
shitting in the toilet with a really massive poo

[Anonymous No.18631741]

>>18631725
but i only take a shit like 3 times a week, sometimes just twice, it will be no matter how fast im eating

[Anonymous No.18631748]

>>18631741
shit faster

[Anonymous No.18631759]

>>18631721
It's Germany so your probably not allow d to without some sort of license but installing toilets is pretty easy and cheap Just get a new one

[Anonymous No.18631762]

>>18631721
>wiping takes an eternity
i strongly suggest a fiber supplement, i recommend psyllium husk

[Anonymous No.18631784]

Bro just keep a pair of scissors or hedge clippers next to the toilet. Snip snip and you've cut down your log into nice and manageable lumber.

[Anonymous No.18631785]

>>18631721
>Sometimes I lift myself up with my hands so im further away from the button/plaform but that the shit breaks in half and than wiping takes an eternity.

kek

[Anonymous No.18631790]

>>18631721
/b/ called. They want you back. Dummarsch.

[Anonymous No.18631792]

>>18631721
loool

[Anonymous No.18631804]

You're going to want to go for something like number 3 or 5. That should solve your problem

[Anonymous No.18631806]

>>18631762
How does fiber help with wiping my shit? Thanks for the advice!!!

[Anonymous No.18631810]

[Anonymous No.18631811]

>>18631804
for me, it is 1

[Anonymous No.18631823]

>>18631721
Come to my house OP I have a special toilet you can use with my help

[Anonymous No.18631828]

>>18631721
sit further forward

[Anonymous No.18631851]

>>18631806
when i started taking psyllium husk fiber pills every shit comes out like perfect and enveloped in a thin layer of mucous

i literally could wipe with a single square of toilet paper

[Anonymous No.18631865]

>>18631851
How often do you take these pills? Every day? Have you experienced some negative effects?

[Anonymous No.18631872]

>>18631865
>How often do you take these pills? Every day?
yes
>Have you experienced some negative effects?nope

also psyllium husk is the main ingredient in metamucil

[Anonymous No.18631876]

Do Germans really?

[Anonymous No.18631910]

>>18631823
I dated him

[Anonymous No.18631916]

>>18631823
*record scratch* you might be wondering how i got here well one day i was horny so

[Anonymous No.18631935]

>>18631721
You should tell your workplace to put a toilet brush or plunger in the restrooms so people can clean up after themselves. Or just try to make sure no one figures out it's you leaving big sloppy shits in the toilet

[Anonymous No.18631945]

>/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.18631948]

>>18631721
My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you. Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"? I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife. Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife. "My what?" Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please. "Wtf is a poop knife?" Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it. He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML. I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes. She will be getting her own utility knife now.

[Anonymous No.18631970]

>>18631872
Thanks! Just ordered 150 mg of Psyllium Husk, hope it works. Have a nice day anon!

[Anonymous No.18632002]

>>18631721
Sit on it facing the cistern and poop right down the water hole.

[Anonymous No.18632017]

There are other boards more suited to your question.
The kitchen and the bathroom are separate rooms for a very good reason. Don't post about your bowel movements on a cooking board.