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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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18058454 No.18058454 [Reply] [Original]

>Coffee
>Cigarettes
You may now have a bowel movement.

>> No.18058456

It felt so good when I would finish my cuppa coffee and pop a dip in. I would run to the terlet and shit my brains out bros

>> No.18058468

>>18058454
Me too, for about three years now I cannot shit in the morning unless I have the blörö breakfast

>> No.18058485

>>18058456
I have to shit at exactly 6 am every day
If I even manage to wait for coffee to brew I throw ice in it so I can chug it and by then I'm prairie dogging
then I run back to the bedroom and throw a dip in and just barely make it to the toilet
I hate mornings.

>> No.18058502

During the couple years when I quit it never felt like I was getting a complete shit out. That was one of the main reasons I started smoking again.
Honestly being able to have proper bowel movements is worth any lung cancer I end up with in exchange.

>> No.18058762

>do a bump of coke
>spend next fifteen minutes rage shitting

>> No.18058769

>>18058502
Imagine needing chemical help to take a fucking shit

>> No.18058775

>>18058454
That's so retro!
We have to go back to the 80s, bro!

>> No.18058802

Why don't you anons just eat fermented foods regularly, some spinach, and maybe supplement some magnesium? My diet has changed since, but when I used to eat miso every day, my digestive and bowel function were excellent. No coffee/cigs needed. I do drink tea sometimes, but that hasn't ever influenced my defecation cycle noticeably. I miss when I use to eat all that stuff.

>> No.18058818

>>18058802
Can confirm that scarfing a bag of spinach turns your asshole into a mass driver

>> No.18058825

>>18058454
God I miss it
Why did God make cigarettes so bad for you

>> No.18058881

>>18058825
I mean aren't cigarettes basically kind of fine for most people? They shave a few years off and 5% of smokers come down with some horrific shit like lung cancer or COPD but for most people it's not that bad

>> No.18058883

>>18058881
Lol

>> No.18058884

>>18058883
Where's the lie

>> No.18058887

>>18058825
>Why did God make cigarettes so bad for you
Don't worry. Joe Biden is going to fix all of God's mistakes.

>> No.18058890

>>18058884
Have a nice life

>> No.18058910

>>18058890
I don't even smoke

>> No.18058948

nothin like some cope snuff and pipin hot coffee

>> No.18058969

>>18058769
>Imagine needing chemical help to take a fucking shit
i.e. Imagine being literally anyone over the age of 30.

>> No.18058980

>>18058802
>Why don't you anons just eat fermented foods regularly, some spinach, and maybe supplement some magnesium?
Why don't you anons just drink coffee and smoke?

>> No.18059006

>>18058769
>chemical
Tobacco and coffee aren't any more "chemical" than anything else people consume. Both are plants.

>> No.18059019

>>18059006
nicotine and caffeine, which most people would refer to as chemicals

>> No.18059020

>>18058881
That's pretty much how it works, yeah. You always hear the relative risk of lung cancer where smoking makes you 30 times more likely to get it. But the baseline absolute risk of lung cancer for nonsmokers is only 0.1% to begin with, meaning the actual absolute risk for smokers is 3% with 97% not getting it.

>> No.18059023

>>18059019
There are chemicals in food too is the point. Tobacco and coffee aren't any more "chemical" than anything else you consume.

>> No.18059053

>>18058454
reminder to never drink coffee if you're anorexic (if you do less than 150mg of caffeine), it gives you a killer stomach ache

>> No.18059089

>>18059053
I have horrible GI problems from ulcerative colitis including long periods of time where I stop being able to eat solid food yet weirdly coffee has never given me trouble that I can remember.

>> No.18059108

>>18058456
Nothing beats a cup of coffee followed by a fat wad of Levi Garrett chew.

>> No.18059122

>>18058454
do cigarettes make you smarter? ive found some evidence it does but most of what i can find is just propaganda

>> No.18059130

>>18059122
Stimulants are the only class of drugs anyone's ever found a reliable cognitive improvement effect for, so yeah. People perform better with problem solving tasks under the influence of stimulants and nicotine is a stimulant.

>> No.18059140

Stimulants don't make you smarter, but they make it easier to focus. If you're trying to study or learn something, better and longer focus is practically a superpower.

>> No.18059144

>>18059130
ok thanks, does it (or any stimulant) have impact long term after its left your system? good or bad?

>> No.18059184

>>18059144
For caffeine, probably just mild withdrawals / headaches / gastrointestinal distress for a few days.

>> No.18059234

>>18058502
You probably need to make some diet changes if you have trouble pooping properly. Usually just more whole grains, fruit, vegetables, and beans, less processed food and refined grains. And maybe drinking more water.

>> No.18059264

>>18058969
I'm 39 and still don't need to take chemicals to poop. But beans are a fave food of mine so that's likely why.

>> No.18059452
File: 224 KB, 1502x1502, 07b69912-b60d-428e-8f14-618fdd38c12b.132402013f6763cc2bc32ba2a5fc76b6.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18059452

>>18058454
bro just fiber up and literally never get constipated in your life ever again, learn to enjoy pooping again

>> No.18060807

>>18059452
I tried that and it makes GI problems even worse.
Cigarettes and coffee are the only things I've ever seen work well for giving you complete bowel movements.

>> No.18060817

>>18059020
Think of sweet granny asshole

>> No.18060865

>>18060817
Are you seriously still falling for the "secondhand smoke" meme?

>> No.18060866

>>18058454
I quit smoking 3 years ago and have never taken a shit since :[

>> No.18060872

>>18058454
jokes on you i lay in bed til my stomach hurts then drop a cow patty diarrhea in the toilet at 2-4 AM then stay up and have coffee with the sunrise

every
fucking
morning

>> No.18060901

>>18060872
Crohns?

>> No.18061037
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18061037

>>18058769
>imagine needing a machine to breathe for you at night
>8Million+ Burgers currently need one
Alas, this is the world we live in.
Coffee, right hand; Cigarette, left--sitting down for the morning soil-toil.

>> No.18061045

>>18060865
No, he clearly wants you to think of sweet sweet GMILFs and their saggy asscheeks

>> No.18061049
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18061049

>>18058881
Funny thing, that; You used to ALWAYS see those 100Year old guys on the today show--many of them said their "Secret" was a shot of whiskey and a cigar, daily.
humans have lived around smoke and fire for 180K+ years...
I think we can handle it. Hell, our brains have even adapted receptors explicitly for nicotine and other natural chems.

>> No.18061056
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18061056

>>18058969
KEK! 40's going to interesting for that guy.
>WTF! Some of my parts are broken, and some aren't working right AT ALL.

>> No.18061084

>>18060865
It was a reference to covid stats but lowkey also this: >>18061045

>> No.18061086

Use to have my niece astroglide finger my ass and I thought that would help.

>> No.18061089

>>18061056
I don't know why young people aren't more aware of how badly your body breaks down with age. It's like some weird surprise for them even though it happens to almost everyone and has been that way since the beginning of human history.

>> No.18061090

>>18061086
Did she use her cock?

>> No.18061094

>>18061090
At the time kim possible sticker fingernails if I recall.

>> No.18061098

>>18061089
I gotta be honest, I didn't believe it either--But when I swung my feet off the bed on my 40th B-day, the first words out of my mouth were:"OUCH!!WTF??"

>> No.18061102

>>18061098
I will be there in september but I am not sure about that yet. Maybe just if you've been hard on yourself?

>> No.18061107

>>18059264
Y2k grad like me.

>> No.18061109

>>18061102
>Maybe just if you've been hard on yourself?
That too.
I Work hard/Play hard, but still, it was a shock.

>> No.18061124

>>18061109
I've done plenty of coke and nothing yet. Haven't been sick since the 90s with mono. Probably need to get out more.

>> No.18061137

So back 10 years ago everyone was saying I would become a wizard at 30, but what happens at 40? What happened with that meme? Did we all become wizards?

>> No.18061198

Smoke a fag for me willya?

>> No.18061222

>>18061198
*kill

>> No.18061243

>>18061049
Cigars are very different because they're typically not inhaled, the smoke is only held in the mouth. It's easier to clean out your mouth compared to inhaling cigarette smoke and your lungs having to constantly clean themselves out. It could also be due to the frequency of use, I'm not sure how many people were constantly smoking cigars all day but there are plenty of people chainsmoking cigarettes. And how the tobacco is treated seems to play a part as well, people who use snus don't seem to have any increased risk of cancer but people who use dip do.

>> No.18062297

>>18058769
Stop gate keeping dude this isn't /v/.

>> No.18062367

>>18059019
so are the (((antioxidants))) in your tea and green "juice"

>> No.18062375

>>18062297
>/v/
>gate keeping
It's just shitposting.

>> No.18062376

>>18061243
this is the gayest shit i've ever read, and i didn't even have to finish the post

>> No.18062382

>>18062375
Dude if you don't knock it off now I will have you dealt with. Final warning.

>> No.18062386

>>18062376
Drop the homophobia this isn't /v/.

>> No.18062418

>>18062386
I'd love to drop you homo

>> No.18062582

>>18058456
Coffee and copenhagen. Now that's a breakfast

>> No.18063071

>>18058769
this
a normal person can just take 30sec MMO shits on command

>> No.18063100

>>18058454
I like to down my cup o' joe, black and no sugar, and then smoke on the toilet while dropping a nice turd

>> No.18064610

>>18063100
don't forget a shot of whisky too

>> No.18064768

>>18063071
>a normal person
75% of the population drinks coffee. You're the exception, not the norm.

>> No.18064784

i wish i needed to poop only once per morning but it's a minimum of 2 times for me, sometimes three.
coffee just makes it worse and take longer to force everything out

>> No.18064807

>>18058454
A bottle of wine a cigarette, you may now sleep.

>> No.18066096

>>18059452
I mix psyllium husk powder in with my protein shakes. Works like a charm.

>> No.18067697

>>18058502
Have you tried vaping? I had the same issue and picked up vaping a little and it definitely helps
without all the coughing