/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.18019689]

WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO NOW?

[Anonymous No.18019692]

>>18019689
Can opener you stupid sexy tranny

[Anonymous No.18019693]

Email the chef, they'll probably give you a free coupon

[Anonymous No.18019694]

>>18019692
I don't have a can opener. I have scissors if that helps

[Anonymous No.18019706]

>>18019694
dont use scissors.
give up on the boiardi for now

[Anonymous No.18019709]

>>18019694
I'd use those scissors to cut your losses and order a big retarded pizza you silly goose

[Anonymous No.18019710]

>>18019689
hammer lid

[Anonymous No.18019712]

>>18019694
Use the scissors to give yourself SRS

[Anonymous No.18019716]

Use a can opener if you have one. If not, get a knife and hammer it in where the clip would have pushed and then pry it open.

[Anonymous No.18019718]

Swiss army knife can opener.

[Anonymous No.18019721]

>>18019716
>pushed
*pulled

[Anonymous No.18019724]

>>18019694
step one - hold can firmly
step 2 - lightly butter the outside of the can
step # 3 - cram cram cram!
.3a ) quickly tighten the sphincter popping of the top of the can
5 - release

bon apaptit

[Anonymous No.18019725]

>>18019724
>quickly tighten the sphincter
name one of the many sphincters within your body you can voluntarily control

[Anonymous No.18019753]

>>18019725
my ravioli holi

[Anonymous No.18019781]

>>18019689
push a piece in with butter knife and then lever it off

[Anonymous No.18019783]

>>18019709
Kek

[Anonymous No.18019784]

Heat the can in a pot on the stove, it will open

[Anonymous No.18019790]

>>18019689
This once happened to me with a tin of tomatos.
I was hungry and had no patience for this bullshit so I chimped out and smashed the lid in with the handle of a knife. The tomato exploded out of the can all over my kitchen, it was on the walls, in the ceiling all over the windows, everywhere.
I don't recommend trying to smash it in.

[Anonymous No.18019792]

>>18019689
>>18019694
How the fuck do you not have a can opener? I don't think I've ever been without at least 3 can openers. Somehow they just accumulate.

[Anonymous No.18019819]

>>18019689
Have you tried glueing the tab back on?

[Anonymous No.18019828]

>>18019689
suffer

[Anonymous No.18019842]

Just microwave it retard lol

[Anonymous No.18019862]

>>18019689
This made me laugh harder than it should have. I've been making like 40 orders of braised veal shanks at work, have everything ready, and then the fucking can opener breaks when I'm trying to open a little can of tomato paste. At that point you literally grab anything you have, even if it's a rusty cleaver and a fucking mallet. Just mash the top of the can into the corner of your faux granite counter top and then caveman it the rest of the way. Seriously, how could you possibly look at the op imagine and think, "yeah, I guess I'll just starve now"?

[Anonymous No.18019867]

the can opener was invented almost 50 years after the can

[Anonymous No.18019878]

>>18019692
It's a pre-cut tab can. You can just bash it with a small blunt object and it will open.

[Anonymous No.18019881]

>>18019862
>I've been making like 40 orders of braised veal shanks at work, have everything ready, and then the fucking can opener breaks when I'm trying to open a little can of tomato paste
MacDonald's? Not sure what other restaurant uses canned tomato paste for braised veal...

[Anonymous No.18019897]

>>18019881
YES! How did you know? We caramelize the tomato paste after sweating the onions and celery before adding a little flour and deglazing with some white wine and marsala. I can't legally tell you what we do next, but those are the first few steps in making the secret sauce that goes on the big macs.

[Anonymous No.18019916]

>>18019881
>retard doesnt even know what tomato paste is

[Anonymous No.18019937]

>>18019897
BIG

MAC

[Anonymous No.18020001]

>>18019725
>he can't control his sphincters
ngmi.

[Anonymous No.18020006]

>>18019689
>heavy object
>tap lid until it pops in
>use dinner knife to pry the rest of that bitch open

[Anonymous No.18020014]

>>18019689
For the last three days, this is all I've done:

>slept for the first two days
>went to wal-mart
>downloaded video games and played them for five minutes before stopping
>applied for a job
>read harry potter fanfiction
>had 5 or 6 baths
>boiled some nectarines
>my dad called, he's doing alright

[Anonymous No.18020041]

put in microwave on high for 15 seconds

[Anonymous No.18020173]

>>18019878
fpbp

[Anonymous No.18020205]

>>18019689
Call the 1-800 number on the label and demand satisfaction. They'll send you some coupons.

[Anonymous No.18020233]

>>18019689
throw it away and get real food manbaby

[Anonymous No.18020239]

>>18020014
decadent

[Anonymous No.18020372]

>>18019781
This, but instead of the knife, go with the screwdriver, then fucking stab it into the lid.

Go hard or go home, but try to not sever your finger off.

[Anonymous No.18020374]

Time to watch this once more
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGwW5oH8dz4

[Anonymous No.18020407]

>>18020374
Based cobro, TMDWU.

[Anonymous No.18020410]

>>18019689
bang it with rock on lid
lid should cave in

[Anonymous No.18020416]

>>18019689
it's over

[Anonymous No.18020419]

i had no idea what i was doing when i first moved out from my parent's house, when i realized i had no can opener i just used a knife
>>18020374
the dude has always been ugly, but man looking at his earlier vids is clear to see alcoholism has made him even UGLIER

[Anonymous No.18020539]

>>18019693
This. Box it up and ship it to them next-day with a polite note and they'll send you a new one.

[Anonymous No.18020556]

open
eat from can
none of that microwave shit

[Anonymous No.18020567]

>>18019842
Much better to use a conventional oven. One hour at 450 should do the trick.

[Anonymous No.18021011]

>>18019689
defeated by a can...the absolute state

[Anonymous No.18021054]

>>18019689
Sorry bud there’s nothing you can do, probably have to throw it away. Unless you live somewhere where there are bears or gators. They may have enough bite force to open that can with their teeth. If so, just toss the can into your backyard and hopefully one will come along and eat the ravioli and then it won’t go to waste. You’re welcome

[Anonymous No.18021066]

>>18019878
This, this is monkey tier

[Anonymous No.18021116]

>>18019689
My daddy opened fish cans using just a knife.

[Anonymous No.18021128]

>>18019689
CRUSH IT IN YOUR HANDS THE TIN IS WEAK YOU ARE STRONG

[Anonymous No.18021151]

>>18019689

[Anonymous No.18021159]

>>18021151
based and tinker-pilled

[Anonymous No.18021189]

>>18019689
just here to let you know this retarded thread made front page

[Anonymous No.18021295]

>>18019694
Take a spon and grind it with great force against a small area of just under a centimeter. Eventually, you’ll pop a hole in the can. Shove a knife or something in there and rip off the lid

[Anonymous No.18021758]

>>18019689
Just buy a gun and shoot it. The supreme court made that legal nationwide today. Reddit seething

[Anonymous No.18021907]

>>18019694
>I don't have a can opener.
NGMI

[Anonymous No.18022178]

People say canned pasta is disgusting but desu I enjoy from time to time. It's definitely not something you should eat every day but as a quick easy lunch? It's perfect.

[Anonymous No.18022208]

>>18019689
Your mistake was not buying beefaroni

[Anonymous No.18022237]

>>18019689
>zoomers too stupid to open a can
>run to 4chan
You can do this shit with a spoon. There are youtube guides. So many survivalists have found a fuckton of ways.

[Anonymous No.18022430]

>>18019689
Put it on a heat source like a stove. It will slowly open itself

[Anonymous No.18022630]

>>18019689
an hero, faggot

[Anonymous No.18022639]

>>18019689
Why does CK like to flirt with trans women?

[Anonymous No.18022726]

Put it in the oven. The heat will force the lid open

[Anonymous No.18023067]

>>18022726
The heat of the oven opens the lid

[Anonymous No.18023094]

>>18019689
die I guess

[Anonymous No.18023112]

>>18019716
just chuck the can in a lathe and cut the cans top off 1mm below the lid

[Anonymous No.18023143]

>>18019689
if only there was some kind of opener for cans... A "can opener" if you will.


don't say you don't have one. everyone on the planet has a can opener.

[Anonymous No.18023225]

>>18019689
Starve

[Anonymous No.18023246]

>>18020014
what Harry Potter fanfictions did you read

[Anonymous No.18023537]

>>18019694
Rub thr top against concrete. It sands it down for you

[Anonymous No.18023577]

>>18023143
I ain't got fancy devices nigga, check yo privelege fr

[Anonymous No.18023607]

>>18019689
idk didn't expect you to make it this far

[Anonymous No.18024344]

>>18023246
well a new chapter of prince of slytherin came out which is always exciting, we're almost to the part where Lily Potter goes on trial for murdering Vernon Dursley(obviously harry is going to pay for her legal defence, even if he's not fond of his mom, he's honourable enough to step in since the vengeance murder was on his behalf).

and you can't go wrong with re-reading DPASW.

[Anonymous No.18024348]

>>18020014
wife material

[Anonymous No.18024349]

>>18019689
Put the can on medium heat. The steam will open the can.

[Anonymous No.18024458]

>>18024349

[Anonymous No.18024460]

>>18019689
Get angry. Oh wait you got that covered already. Have a cry?

[Anonymous No.18024461]

>>18019689
Tie a rope around ur neck and hang urself u degenerate faggot.

[Anonymous No.18024470]

>>18021151
Looked a little like a blade of chainsaw on the thunbnail. The end.

[Anonymous No.18025627]

>>18019694
stomp on it with the power of frenship