/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.17483234]

What's the best way to bastardize Italian food in front of Italians?

[Anonymous No.17483287]

sharting

[Anonymous No.17483293]

breaking spaghetti

[Anonymous No.17483296]

>>17483234
Mixing pasta and chicken.

[Anonymous No.17483307]

use digestive biscuits in tiramisu instead of ladyfingers

[Anonymous No.17483308]

>>17483234
Get your sunday gravy from a jar

[Anonymous No.17483311]

>>17483293
This, and insisting on using ketchup instead of pasta sauce.

[Anonymous No.17483315]

>>17483234
broken spaghetti, sea food with cheese and ketchup on top

[Anonymous No.17483329]

>>17483234
When making lasagna, don t do layers.
Just make a big mess.. and use macaroni.

[Anonymous No.17483335]

>>17483234
literally just make anything, you could be personally taught from a wop chef and they'll still complain

[Anonymous No.17483374]

>>17483234
Makes pasta sauce with ketchup. Take that Italy.

[Anonymous No.17483753]

[Anonymous No.17483798]

>>17483293
/thread

[Anonymous No.17484046]

>>17483234
whats wrong with shrimp on pasta

[Anonymous No.17484052]

>>17484046
kys newfag

[Anonymous No.17484228]

>>17483296
what about gnocchi?

[Anonymous No.17484243]

>>17484046
Nothing (if the shells have been taken off, which they never have)

[Anonymous No.17484272]

>>17484243
i fucking hate that shit, they do it in soups and leave the tail on like i want deal with that.

[Anonymous No.17484298]

>>17484046
The problem is seafood and cream in the same dish.

[Anonymous No.17484418]

>>17484298
i can work well but rarely does

[Anonymous No.17484529]

>>17483234
>Be me
>Want to make carbonara
>Go shopping
>They have guanciale
>Get bacon anyway

[Anonymous No.17485311]

“Oh man, this shit is GREAT, Is this french??” While eating sloppy and loud as fuck

[Anonymous No.17485344]

>>17483234
spaghetti bolognese
peas and cream in carbonara

[Anonymous No.17485379]

>>17483234
Just cook something, you mutt will surely fuck up something in the dish

[Anonymous No.17485970]

cooking anything, italian or not, while not being italian
trust me, they'll find a reason to complain

[Anonymous No.17486296]

Just take them to olive garden and compliment the dishes to the wait staff every time they appear. Try and involve your guests in the conversation. A lot.

[Anonymous No.17486302]

>>17483293
Calm down, Rin-chan

[Anonymous No.17486709]

>>17483234
fazolis already does this. their breadsticks are damn good though

[Anonymous No.17487045]

>>17483234
Add bacon

[Anonymous No.17487622]

>>17483329
When I told my neighboor that I'm making lasagna she unironically told me that her recipe is minced meat, no tomato, loose pasta, cheese and corn mixed in a big pot.

[Anonymous No.17487691]

>>17487622
it sounds edible. I would not be proud of making it.

[Anonymous No.17488032]

>>17484243
>>17484272
some people eat them apparently
i have no idea why

[Anonymous No.17488073]

don't forget the ketchup, boys

[Anonymous No.17488082]

>>17483234
Massively overload it with garlic, dagoes hate that shit
They claim it isn't authentic Italian to use a lot of garlic but it really is
Adding garlic is traditional poorfag dago cuisine
They used garlic to mask the flavor of old meat that had started to turn or give flavor to cheap bland ingredients
Garlic is authentic ghetto Italian and they fucking hate to be reminded of it

[Anonymous No.17488087]

>>17487691
no paasta without andy kind of sauce doesen't sound edible you disgusting fuck

[Anonymous No.17488187]

>>17488082
>Garlic is authentic ghetto Italian and they fucking hate to be reminded of it
euro getto foods are usually the tasties and comfiest.

[Anonymous No.17488210]

>>17483234

[Anonymous No.17488214]

>>17484046
seafood and cheese is a nono according to Nonno lmao

[Anonymous No.17488233]

>>17488210
do you have more guides like this for other countries?

[Anonymous No.17488250]

>>17488233
no but this is from the same article

[Anonymous No.17488287]

>>17488032
It puts hairs on your chest, princess. Eat your fuckin tails bitch.

[Anonymous No.17488288]

>>17488250
makes sense that old farts being uppity about their nonsense.

[Anonymous No.17488300]

We call them 'wogs' in Australia, and I still think that's the funniest pejorative term for greasy Italian dagoes that I've ever heard. The same term also applies to the sister-fucking Greeks.

Another funny name we use is 'spags' - as in "I hate spags."

Best way to trigger them is to tell them their food and culture is shit, while eating pizza from Dominos. Kill all wogs.

[Anonymous No.17488320]

>>17488288
did you catch the last bit where young people are more uppity about putting oil in pasta water? maybe the youtube chefs are saying it's bad so they think it's bad idk

[Anonymous No.17488349]

>>17488320
yeah, because it does nothing, it's literally a bullshit nonsense just like not having risotto as a side or appetiser.

[Anonymous No.17488361]

>>17488250
zoomerfaggots at it again

[Anonymous No.17488366]

>>17488300
>'spags' - as in "I hate spags."
Kek, I wouldn't have understood it without you using it in an example sentence

[Anonymous No.17488507]

>>17488233
mom, botulism, just the way great great grand dad used to make it

[Anonymous No.17488526]

put oil in pasta water

[Anonymous No.17488529]

>>17484298
>>17484418
you never heard of clam chowder?

[Anonymous No.17488532]

>>17488187
your image makes me want to drive to my parents, get my gulyas kettle from the basement, dig a hole in the yard and get some gulyas going.

[Anonymous No.17488536]

>>17483234
who cares? why would you want to? you need professional help.

[Anonymous No.17489114]

>>17488087
no? aglio e olio doesn't have much in the ways of sauce either.

[Anonymous No.17489669]

>>17488210
I like how literally everyone except dagos and chinks thinks its okay to put cream in carbonara

[Anonymous No.17489729]

>>17483234
Egg noodles and ketchup shove up your dick hole

[Anonymous No.17489732]

>>17483234
just way too much cheese

[Anonymous No.17489740]

>>17488250
What the fuck does that graph mean?
plus minus net respect to what?

[Anonymous No.17489753]

>>17488082
> They claim it isn't authentic Italian to use a lot of garlic but it really is
No it's not, that's more a korean/asian thing

> They used garlic to mask the flavor of old meat that had started to turn
have you ever tried putting garlic over off meat?
Garlic in meat is disgusting even if it isn't spoiled retard

[Anonymous No.17489761]

>>17483753
Why do they have two pictures of American pizza?

[Anonymous No.17489765]

>>17483308
>Sunday gravy
Italians in Italy don’t know what this is. Italian-Americans are Americans masquerading as Italians. They are “pretend Italians” not real ones.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X-eHk4RiIso

[Anonymous No.17489766]

>>17483293
Only time I’ve ever beaten my wife

[Anonymous No.17489778]

>>17483753
They both look like shit and I can safely guess the the lest one is a "italian" pizza not made in italy

[Anonymous No.17489786]

>>17489765
I’m third gen Italian-American from jersey and I’ve never heard the phrase sunday gravy in my life.

[Anonymous No.17489827]

>>17489761
>>17489778
Looks like we're on the right track to piss em off

[Anonymous No.17489870]

>>17489786
thats because its a real italian thing, mutts in america will never understand

[Anonymous No.17489885]

>>17489786
He saw the Sopranos

[Anonymous No.17489901]

>>17489827
>we
take your meds

[Anonymous No.17489975]

>>17488210
Wtf, if an italian saw me cooking pasta would kill me on sight. The first thing I do is to add oil to the water

[Anonymous No.17490057]

>>17489901
Yup, definitely on the right track. Chicken parm is also better than eggplant. How's that make ya feel?

[Anonymous No.17490175]

Pineapple everywhere

[Anonymous No.17490262]

>>17490057
> How's that make ya feel?
cringe, for you.
Don't forget you meds, schizo

[Anonymous No.17491032]

>>17488529
like i said, it rarely works well

[Anonymous No.17491041]

>>17491032
I don't understand. New England style clam chowder is delicious. Especially with saltine crackers.
Florida anons, explain.

[Anonymous No.17491049]

>>17491041
that stuff out of a can is lousy, the tiny shredded bits of clam are like rubber and that's only if you eat clams.
I'm not from florida though

[Anonymous No.17491051]

>>17489753
>Garlic in meat is disgusting even if it isn't spoiled retard
Hahahahahahahahaha
What are you a 4 year old female?

[Anonymous No.17491055]

>>17490057
>Chicken parm is also better than eggplant.
Eggplant rollitini makes a great contended though.

[Anonymous No.17491061]

>>17491051
I like tasting meat and not garlic. If you don't like the taste of meat don't eat it
The meat-garlic combination is putrid, eat your meat without and eat the garlic raw you fucking fruit

[Anonymous No.17491062]

>>17491041
Most of us live on the coast so we have no reason to touch sea food unless it's fresh and year old clams in a can invokes gag

[Anonymous No.17491083]

>>17483234
Just be american and use industrialized ingredients you don't even have to try

[Anonymous No.17491282]

>>17489885
>No reservations, Italy episode
checkmate

[Anonymous No.17491291]

>>17483234
Putting anything other than oil on a pizza. If it tastes better than a roti, you've dishonored their heritage. Basically just be from a first world country and you're probably already dishonoring traditional Italian poverty food (turned fake haute cuisine through mafia money laundering) at least once a week.

[Anonymous No.17491301]

>>17491282
you need to call check before you can call checkmate
>Rook to B-8

[Anonymous No.17491421]

>>17488187
Can I get a recipe for a good hungarian gulasz? Asking for a friend.
t. a polack

[Anonymous No.17491474]

>>17484046
Shrimp in my pasta Jamaica da don don

[Anonymous No.17491476]

>>17489753
ay yo Tony, we got a love one over heeya!

[Anonymous No.17491479]

>>17488210
I will always eat spaghetti with a knife. Fuck spoons why man

[Anonymous No.17491480]

>>17491061
confirmed for tastelet
garlic is, after s&p, the most common spice in the world.

[Anonymous No.17491534]

>>17483234
Make carbonara, overcook the egg, add cream and random vegetables, claim it’s authentic

[Anonymous No.17491748]

>>17488210
What's wrong with having garlic bread with pasta?

[Anonymous No.17491756]

Make a proper rich and robust marinara sauce. Tell people you added a cup of ketchup. Don't add ketchup.

[Anonymous No.17491762]

>>17489740
acceptable vs unacceptable food behavior

[Anonymous No.17491833]

>>17489669
The dagos are right, actually adding milk or (unfermented) cream to any savoury dish makes it taste dull or even sweet. Acidity and spice get dulled out. It's done in a lot of authentic french sauces but it's a mistake

[Anonymous No.17492432]

>>17491301
>you need to call check before you can call checkmate
do you even know how to play chess?

[Anonymous No.17492444]

>>17483293
I feel like an autist having to explain this to people but it completely changes the texture of the food altogether. Some chinese buffets do this with their rice noodles and holy shit it makes me wanna go turbo autist. Asked a waiter friend of mine why they'd do that and he said it mixes better when they throw in the fresher noodles.

[Anonymous No.17492459]

>>17489765
I do know this feeling. I have family that live in lebanon and they say that I am not really lebanese. Its a weird feeling not knowing anything about your mother tongue or country but people still assume you must.

[Anonymous No.17492634]

>>17492432
>t. can't into castling
yes i know how to play chess

[Anonymous No.17492647]

>>17488210
>42% of Italians say no meatballs with spaghetti
What the fuck do they eat them with then?

[Anonymous No.17492656]

>>17488300
That's weird, in Britain a wog is a towelhead

[Anonymous No.17492694]

>>17492647
in soup

[Anonymous No.17492715]

>>17491480
>confirmed for tastelet
>enjoy meat with garlic
you can't make this shit up. Again if you don't like meat taste just go vegetarian faggot

[Anonymous No.17492806]

>>17492634
no it doesn't seem like you do and i was quoting your first fucking retarded statement

[Anonymous No.17492838]

>>17483234
Mozarella, velveeta, crab, smoked oysters, pineapple, hot peppers and salmon on a yolkshire pudding crust, and butter chicken sauce. With a suffed crust too.

[Anonymous No.17492846]

>>17484298
Have you heard of clam chowder, dipshit?

[Anonymous No.17492869]

>>17483234
Using a spoon for anything other than plating spaghetti. Keep that shit out of my bowl you filthy guinea.

[Anonymous No.17493247]

>>17489669
it's the lazy-man's way to make carbonara without fucking it up and turning it into scrambled egg pasta

[Anonymous No.17493250]

>>17489740
You can make up statistics about anything and 90% of people will believe it.
Like 72% of people know that.

[Anonymous No.17493386]

>>17493250
well it's made for both zoomers and boomers so it doesn't have to make sense

[Anonymous No.17493387]

>>17492806
well i'm no grand master but there are very few ways to checkmate somebody without putting them in check first, the only way i know of is foolsmate

[Anonymous No.17493391]

>>17493387
>but there are very few ways to checkmate somebody without putting them in check first but anon said you can't checkmate without check first which is not true whatsoever.

[Anonymous No.17493393]

>>17493387
>but there are very few ways to checkmate somebody without putting them in check first
anon said you can't checkmate without check first which is not true whatsoever.

[Anonymous No.17493402]

>>17483311
G*rmans continue to disgust the world.

[Anonymous No.17493408]

>>17492656
wogs are Indians as far as i know

[Anonymous No.17493415]

>>17483234
Shoot a canoli's mother

[Anonymous No.17493476]

>>17488300
Australians are the most sheltered hateful fucks in the world. They relish in their cruelty. They were a thorn in m00ts side for how inflammatory and retarded they act.

[Anonymous No.17493495]

>>17493393
well technically a shark could actually get sucked up into a waterspout then the water could come onto land as a tornado so theoretically a sharknado is possible
BUT IT'S SO FUCKING STUPID so for all intensive purposes it's basically impossible unless you're playing a retarded 5yo

[Anonymous No.17493593]

>>17493495
shut the fuck up faggot stop moving goalposts you silly dipshit

[Anonymous No.17493695]

>>17493593
go back to the original post, it's hardly a checkmate which was my point

[Anonymous No.17493744]

>>17489765
if it's an American thing it's a really small part of America. I didn't hear the term until I was in my late 30s

[Anonymous No.17493766]

>>17491041
Canned clam chowder is worse than anything I could make myself even without clams
Canned soups in general suck dick.

[Anonymous No.17493868]

>>17493695
>it's hardly a checkmate which was my point
LOL you're such a fucking pussy. checkmate bitch.

[Anonymous No.17493913]

>>17489765
>>17489786
You do realize there are different regions in Italy that vary greatly in culture? I'm also a 3rd gen Italian-American from Philly and i have heard my mother call it gravy and also red sauce.

[Anonymous No.17493917]

>>17493868
>t. checkers player

[Anonymous No.17493924]

>>17493744
>it's a really small part of America.
yea just the north east

[Anonymous No.17493982]

>>17493917
i'm not playing either im playing stick the king sideways up your ass. checkmake faggot.

[George Floyd No.17493995]

Cook carbonara with Babbish's recipe. There's a reaction video of Italian chefs roasting the fuck out of his recipe.

[Anonymous No.17494004]

>>17489765
Retarded Northerner spotted. Ask anyone in the South about sugo della domenica.

[Anonymous No.17494226]

>>17493982
right to butt stuff, closeted homo for sure
>>>/lgbt/
this board is more your speed

[Anonymous No.17494237]

>>17494226
if i stick something painfully up your ass how am i the homo? checkmate faggot.

[Anonymous No.17494397]

>>17494237
because you're the one deriving pleasure from male on male anal play. CHECK

[Anonymous No.17494409]

>>17483234
why are italians in particular so autistic about this kind of thing

[Anonymous No.17494432]

>>17494397
you cum before me while i thrust my fat cock against your prostate. can't win this one. checkmate.

[Anonymous No.17494460]

>>17494409
Because it’s all they have dude, they are the shitskins of the whites and they know it so they act autistic about their food so they feel superior about something.

[Anonymous No.17494483]

italian dressing looking for a good mix...as of now i got
two part EVO two part Red wine vinegar
half teaspoon of dry spices
parsley
oregano
thyme
sweet basil
grinded sea salt and black pepper....
what am i missing portion wise? im not getting that lipsmacking flavor my local over priced italian
restraunt is getting, any advice???fuck paying for food out anymore its time to learn on your own.

[Anonymous No.17494510]

>>17494432
like i said you're way to into this to not be a closeted homo

[Anonymous No.17494614]

Empty a can of Hunt's tomato ``sauce'' into a pot
Add a stick of butter
Serve over spaghetti, top with pre-shredded cheddar and serve with microwaved dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets

[Anonymous No.17494674]

>>17484529
did you, like me, not know what guanciale was until you saw it in an italia squisita video?

[Anonymous No.17494827]

>>17494510
who said i was closeted? i'm talking about you faggot

[Anonymous No.17494891]

>>17494483
less oil/more vinegar and more salt

[Anonymous No.17494942]

>>17483234
Ketchup and mayo on a pizza

[Anonymous No.17495650]

>>17483315
Sardines and hard Parmesan on toast drizzled with olive is amazing though

[Anonymous No.17495719]

>>17483753
Well the reason is simple americans most of the times used dried Mozzarella that has a yellow colour even here in italy but most of the time is because is even made with inferior milk. While in Italy we use real mozzarella that has been removed of liquid by squeezing it with your hands or well it already come like that, most pizzeria has that kind of that is humid on the touch but not dry no need to squeeze.
For me american pizza looks good I tried a domino pizza outside of Italy, wasn't great wasn't good, tasted like one of our 1/1.5€ frozen pizza.

[Anonymous No.17495728]

>>17483234
Putting cheese on fish dishes, eating spaghetti with the assistence of a spoon, make the salt fall on the table (bad luck), don't say "Buon appettito" when you start eating, put lemon on stuff that doesn't need lemon, making carbonara with cream instead of pure egg yolk.

[Anonymous No.17495779]

this place is a fucking rabbit hole
>https://www.yelp.ca/biz/steveston-pizza-company-richmond

[Anonymous No.17495878]

>>17489778
real, genuine Margherita is probably the best dish in the world

[Anonymous No.17495952]

>>17488210
What the fuck, who eats spaghetti with their hands?

[Anonymous No.17495981]

>>17495952
india obviously

[Anonymous No.17496389]

>>17491534
yeah, this will do the trick

[Anonymous No.17496424]

>>17495779
i live near richmond it's literally 95 percent chinese

[Anonymous No.17496449]

>>17486709
I got sent a nude of a girl with the most delicious, fat knockers while having lunch at Fazoli's with my grandmother when I was 18. Fazoli's will always have a soft spot in my heart for that.

[Anonymous No.17496457]

Make "Carbonara" use bacon and heavy cream.
Throw out the pasta water.

[Anonymous No.17496459]

>>17491748
>here's your carbs with a side of carbs!

[Anonymous No.17496746]

>>17494483
better vinegar?

[Anonymous No.17498102]

>>17483234
Easiest way:
Where a recipe says tomato sauce, use ketchup or some cheap can of tomato soup.
Fucking medigans.

[Anonymous No.17498863]

>>17495952
you mean pizza surely