/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.17240281]

what is the most exciting thing you have ever done in a kitchen?

[Anonymous No.17240288]

>>17240281
i peeled a pineapple while tripping on shrooms.

[Anonymous No.17240289]

>>17240281
is she ok?

[Anonymous No.17240299]

Licking sake off my fiancées toes in her cramped Japanese apartment kitchen while I was trying to prepare murrican-style poorfag tacos.

[Anonymous No.17240303]

>>17240289
shhh she is sleepy

[Anonymous No.17240306]

>>17240288
Sounds like a lifetime, I'll buy a pineapple specifically for this next time I trip

[Anonymous No.17240308]

>>17240281
doggy style
man this bitch smelled but she could make a mean lamb

[Anonymous No.17240310]

>>17240281
Nutted in my wife while she was doing the dishes. Prolly why she left me for chad. Also deep frying pizza rolls while coming down from 1g of mushrooms

[Anonymous No.17240331]

>>17240281
Jerking off to the Cholula hot sauce lady

[Anonymous No.17240338]

>>17240281
Jizz in a batch of brownies that I served at a /k/ meetup

[Anonymous No.17240406]

>>17240281
LSD experience

[Anonymous No.17240409]

>>17240310
>1g
WOW ONE WHOLE GRAM YOU MAD MAN

[Anonymous No.17240433]

>>17240331
>lady
Ummm, I've got some news for you...

[Anonymous No.17240447]

>>17240281
fucked ur wife.

[Anonymous No.17240647]

>>17240281
Managed to get through a whole fifth of beam before my wife escaped the beating and moved across the country.

[Anonymous No.17240677]

>>17240409
One gram of malabar coast

[Anonymous No.17240685]

pulled a kitchen knife on my brother and he got mad and grabbed it and started pushing it into his stomach until it drew blood
we were little kids

[Anonymous No.17240692]

>>17240281
Not burning myself frying foods always makes for exciting good times.

[Anonymous No.17240704]

>>17240281
last day of the season, almost all the back staff drank some shroom tea mixed with ground up poppies. no one complained.. was a nice mellow day on the beach..

[Anonymous No.17241538]

>>17240338
Boof would be proud

[Anonymous No.17241554]

>>17240409
was it a contest to see who could do the most?

[Anonymous No.17241559]

>>17241554
Yes, that's literally the purpose of life.

[Anonymous No.17241578]

chased and ran away from live blue crabs

[GODCOCK No.17242531]

>>17240281
>help, onee-san, i'm stuck in the oven

[Anonymous No.17242549]

>>17240281
Administered CPR to a patient from the neuro rehab ward.
It worked too.

[Anonymous No.17242561]

>>17241559
>life
>purpose

[Anonymous No.17242569]

jerked off to miss land o lakes. RIP my sweet squaw princess

[Anonymous No.17242634]

One time I was making a roux and I had to take a shit but I didn't want the roux to fuck up so I tried to hold my shit to finish the roux but I couldn't so I shit my pants but then I finished the roux and then as I was going to move the roux from a pot to a different one I slipped on my shit that fell through my pants and spilled the roux all over myself then my dad came in and sad what happened here.

[Anonymous No.17242680]

Niece

[Anonymous No.17242686]

>>17240288
I made mashed potatoes on a high dose of LSD and the act of peeling the potato's skin was to hardcore for me to handle

[Anonymous No.17242697]

learned to juggle knives

[Anonymous No.17242703]

I went to grab a beer out of the fridge one night and found my retard son rolling around on the kitchen floor in a mixture of poorly made roux and his own excrement

[Anonymous No.17242705]

>>17240288
damn bro, that actually sounds kina interesting

[Anonymous No.17242725]

>>17240281
I got a blowjob from my gf while her parents were in the other room

[Anonymous No.17242739]

>>17242725
Similar, fugged the gf at the time in a storage room adjacent to the kitchen (1x0.5m) while her brother was in the living room. Also did some tiddy+whip cream stuff, but another time when noone was at home.

pic not rel, she was a black haired chunky titcow

[Anonymous No.17242752]

>>17242703
What did you do after unzipping your dick?

[Anonymous No.17242759]

I bent my girlfriend over the kitchen counter and fucked her from behind, it was pretty cool but mostly just inconvenient. Sex is done in the bed for a reason.

[Anonymous No.17242765]

>>17240685
your brother is based

[Anonymous No.17242835]

>>17240310
Nah I guarantee it was the last sentence of your post

[Anonymous No.17242840]

>>17240281
cocaine and finger banging

[Anonymous No.17242911]

>>17240281
made love with a woman once, shit was cash

[Anonymous No.17242915]

>>17241554
1 gram of mushrooms isn't even a breakthrough dose. Its like saying one sip of beer.

[Anonymous No.17243019]

i use the kitchen tile for my bad dragon suction cup since i have carpets

[Anonymous No.17243047]

>>17242835
Kek

Also : had sex with a naked girl

[Anonymous No.17243065]

>>17240281
Your mom

[Anonymous No.17243130]

>>17242759
This. When you're young, you try all these crazy moves and try to fuck in a these crazy places because you saw it in movies and in pornos, but you learn that none of these flashy things even feel good, for either partner, they just sounded like a good idea at the time until you realize that holding up a 130lb human against a wall while you fuck her makes you go soft fast, because you're concentrating too much on just keeping her up. Shower sex being too inconvenient, and finally coming to terms with that, was the last death knell of my youth. The bedroom, or at least somewhere you can lie down comfortably, like a beach (which presents its own problems, what with the sand and all) is the best place for sexual intercourse.

[Anonymous No.17243138]

>>17242634
>Not shitting pre roux
>Not keeping a chamber pot in the kitchen for roux related emergencies
Ngmi

[Anonymous No.17243159]

>>17242739
Whipped cream and tiddy stuff, food play in general, is another thing that sounds good in theory, but just doesn't work out in practice. You always just make a mess and get sticky and then fuzz and hair sticks to your balls and the head of your cock and to her clit, and it all just kinda sucks and you have to put a pause on sex and take a shower, then you have a mess in the kitchen to clean up. But man, is this thread ever taking me back to my younger days, the crazy sex I had back then.
My wife woke me up with a handjob today, and then she hopped on top when I was getting close, and smothered me with her tits until I came inside her, probably only lasted twenty seconds, and that's the most exciting sex we've had since our honeymoon, which was exactly the last time I tried to fuck someone in the shower.

[Anonymous No.17243169]

>>17240281
me and my roommate touched dicks in front of people at a party we were throwing

[Anonymous No.17243267]

>>17243169
I do a similar power move, I welcome guests clothed but then come out of the kitchen naked apron

[Anonymous No.17243305]

Jerked off to the lady on the Newman's Own salad dressing

[Anonymous No.17243307]

>>17240281
For some reason this picture reminded me of a play from my country called "An Triail" where the women puts her baby inside of the oven and kills the baby with it.

[Anonymous No.17243327]

>>17243307

[Anonymous No.17243341]

>>17243305
paul newman?

[Anonymous No.17243409]

>>17240281
Is that Sylvia Plath?

[Anonymous No.17243429]

>>17243169
i could only ever do this if i had the larger dick
imagine how embarrasing it would be otherwise

[Anonymous No.17243489]

>>17240331
I laughed

[Anonymous No.17243506]

>>17243429
Small dicks are cool too. More versatile, more manoeuvrable, more scope for precision thrusts at surprising angles.

[Anonymous No.17243511]

>>17243506
you cant use a gloryhole tho

[Anonymous No.17243780]

Premarital sex is so cringe

[Anonymous No.17243819]

>>17240281
A cousin and I were making nachos once and he rubbed the chips on his dick and ball sack then served them, needless to say I didn't eat any of those and also didn't tattle.

[Anonymous No.17244081]

>>17242634

[Anonymous No.17245280]

>Majority of the thread is "I got high in a kitchen"
I thought I didn't have anything but apparently my experience of pushing a guy through a table in a kitchen is worth mentioning after all.

[Anonymous No.17245377]

>>17245280
I wasn’t gonna shitpost in this thread but you just reminded me of that time I got so stoned in my kitchen everything looked like it was made of slightly glowing glass. I’m guessing my pupils were very dilated.

[Anonymous No.17245392]

>>17242915
Who said I was looking to break through? And break through what? Wtf are you talking about?

[Anonymous No.17245402]

Thanks alot op. This thread triggered a memory of me and my cousin making a pocket pussy in his mom's kitchen

[Anonymous No.17245443]

>>17242634
>dad came in and sad what happened here

[Anonymous No.17245450]

>>17245402
kek who got to use it first?

[Anonymous No.17245491]

>>17243780
Based. Sometimes when I bring a girl to see my place I have to feign erectile disfunction to get her to back down. I don't understand why they're never satisfied with a bit of kissing and fondling until we're ready for marriage.

[Anonymous No.17245508]

>>17245450
I think he did

[Anonymous No.17245554]

>>17245508
nah they threw it out and sucked each other off

[Anonymous No.17245571]

>>17240281
Cocaine for a mate's going away party

[Anonymous No.17245582]

>>17245554
This really has me wondering if he was gay for me the entire time and I was too dumb to realize. Alot of my family has sexual issues

[Anonymous No.17245604]

>>17243130
>holding up a 130lb human against a wall while you fuck her makes you go soft fast, because you're concentrating too much on just keeping her up.
fuck Im 36 and I still do this with my wife, just to remind her I can, other wise what is the point of wasting 5 hours a week at the gym? But I agree that 90% of that shit is just a pointless show of foreplay that has to be cleaned up later, and I have a kid that already makes enough messes.

[Anonymous No.17245605]

>>17243019
Kys faggot

[Anonymous No.17246175]

>>17240677
>one gram of melba toast

[Anonymous No.17246178]

>>17240338
I bet they request it often

[Anonymous No.17246191]

>>17243130
Man I wish I was a young coomer again. I used to fuck girls in the most degenerate situations just for fun. Now I only want to passionately make out and creampie my girl but I can't because showing a hoe love is taken as a sign of weakness. Dumb broad actually prefers it when I talk shit, pull her hair, spot on her face, and choke the shit out of her and punch her. It's only a matter of time before I start pissing on her. This shit hurts my soul.

[Anonymous No.17246207]

>>17240281
I got blown once while making steak au poivre. Was interesting setting the cognac on fire while getting sucked off. I highly recommend busting a nut just before you eat with your lady, knowing the first thing she ate at dinner was your nut.

[Anonymous No.17246705]

>>17240281
Sex, check; drugs, check; chopped off the end of my thumb, check; eaten literal gold and drunk stupidly expensive wine, check; juggled knives; check....

most exciting though is honestly pumping out a busy service with a well-oiled team in a place doing food you're proud of. hospitality is shit but the rush can be amazing.

[Anonymous No.17246825]

>>17240281
i intentionally cut myself or set myself up for situations where it's extremely easy to hurt myself and use my blood as garnish/sauce, mix it into baked goods like brownies, sometimes with wine. I like plating with thumbprints.

I told my girlfriend I did that and wanted her to join me. She called me a psychopath and broke up with me.
Obviously I'm not a psychopath because I cared enough to share it with her. What a retard

[Anonymous No.17246858]

>>17246825
>Obviously I'm not a psychopath because I cared enough to share it with her. What a retard
True, a real psychopath would have hidden it forever until they finally crossed the line somehow.

[Anonymous No.17246881]

>>17246825
>Obviously I'm not a psychopath because I cared enough to share it with her. What a retard
this still sounds like a different type of crazy kek

[Anonymous No.17247100]

>>17243159
Noone talks about the heavy stomach that makes you wanna die if you overdo it with the whip cream.
>shower
Thats another thing that only looks good in the movies, half the time you are freezing, the other half all the juices get washed away. Did have a fantastic hotdogging one time, though, felt SO good I almost thought it accidentally slipped in, a powerful nut indeed.

[Anonymous No.17247139]

>>17240281
did a tranny I met on a tranny meet up facebook page and then stuck a cut in half jalapeno and her butt to give her a little surprise! she wasn't happy and left my trailer.

[Anonymous No.17247673]

>>17246825
i poured an entire kettle of boiling water on my hand

[Anonymous No.17247715]

>>17240281
Committed a murder in a suburb outside of St. Louis in June, 2004.

[Anonymous No.17247800]

>>17242569
When I was a kid a cousin and I would take one side of a land o lakes butter box and cut out the knees from one side, then the sort of make a flap on the other side where the boobies would be and tape the knees under the flap so it would like she was flashing her boobs if you opened the flap. We'd do that with xacto knifes.
I'm pretty sure that's impossible now because the packaging has been changed to plastic and the picture's been changed.

[Anonymous No.17247808]

>>17245392
Not that poster but I think it's from an old Doors song, Break on Through to the other side.

[Anonymous No.17247993]

>>17245280
>my experience of pushing a guy through a table in a kitchen is worth mentioning after all.
No. It wasn't worth mentioning. You're a faggot.

[Anonymous No.17248017]

>>17247100
Shower sex is definitely overrated. It was pretty hot when my girlfriend was sitting up against the corner of the tub tryin to finish me, but at that point everyone's tired and cold and all I wanted to do was fucking nut but couldn't.

[Anonymous No.17248036]

>>17247715
That is terrible, anon.
Nobody should ever have to be in St. Louis. I hope you got out.

[Anonymous No.17248067]

>>17247715
are we outside the statute of limitations for that

[Anonymous No.17248515]

>>17240281
pho by far
and
chef john's https://foodwishes.blogspot.com/2016/03/rigatoni-alla-genovese-maybe-best-meat.html

[Anonymous No.17248540]

I slapped my dick in the kitchen sink to the beat of some synthwave

[Anonymous No.17248558]

>>17248017
another issue is when the shower is uncomfortably small and non-ventilated, you're just gasping for air and wheezing like a dogs chewing toy while concentrating on the nut, after a while you start getting softer so you take it out and jerk yourself off on her ass while holding her so tight your arm is starting to cramp like shit and then you start fainting because you've spent 30m gasping for air in an ultra humid environment and your blood isnt oxygenated enough but she hasn't finished yet and so from your last piece of thin thread holding you alive fingerbang her so hard you've now completely lost the feeling in your other hand from holding her tight and alas, sex is done, I'm more exhausted and annoyed than I was before but hey, at least I'm not a virgin right

[Anonymous No.17248559]

>>17240281
I went down on my grandma while she made her secret sugar cookies

[Anonymous No.17248560]

>>17240281
Eating my gfs ass, unironically

[Anonymous No.17248578]

>>17248515
I could eat this for the next 2 or 3 years.

[Anonymous No.17248597]

gumbo I guess
the day hospital liked it

[Anonymous No.17248934]

>>17248017
>>17248558
You guys got off easy, the heat and humidity made me pass out and I hit my head on the tub hard enough to split open the my eyebrow. My wife (GF at the time) thought she killed me, had a real akward time with the paramedics and my downstairs neighbors who heard the whole thing after that.

[Anonymous No.17249780]

>>17248515
this looks like that stroke picture where everything looks vaguely familiar but you can't actually identify a single thing

[Anonymous No.17250017]

>>17241559
true

[Anonymous No.17250038]

>>17246191
Lmao I once fucked a girl by some dumpsters next to an apartment building.

[Anonymous No.17250096]

>>17249780
Fallafel, hummus, pita bread, tabule, Greek salad and a pleb who made this post

[Anonymous No.17251744]

>>17240281
Eating a whole Alaskan salmon with little white worms in it, and about 1lb of fish you aren't suppose to eat raw. Can't really remember what else happened that night.

[Anonymous No.17251912]

>>17240338
kino

[Anonymous No.17251938]

>>17246191
>This shit hurts my soul
just tell her you want to stop if you're uncomfortable with it. She should respect your choice, otherwise take it as a warning sign and get a new girl

[Anonymous No.17251947]

cocaine

[Anonymous No.17251968]

>>17247139

[Anonymous No.17252270]

>>17246175
Shit that one got me laughing good

[Anonymous No.17252286]

>>17240281
Delivered my son

Had a bowl of chili that was in the slow cooker after

[Anonymous No.17252339]

>>17242725
>>17242739
Fucked a single mom in her kitchen while her kid was eating cereal and watching TV like three meters away, door wasn't closed, we had to be quick and quiet, biggest nut I ever busted.

[Anonymous No.17252376]

>>17246191
>last gf was trad tier who liked small kinky shit to feel naughty. Most she ever did was let be blindfold her and lick champagne off her tits
>current gf wasnts me to rail her ass in a schoolgirl outfit while shes handcuffed and being choked with a tie while calling her a whore for screwing around

As for OPs question probably eating a girls ass while she was cooking curry for my family in the next room.

[Anonymous No.17252378]

>>17248560
how do you ironically eat ass

[Anonymous No.17252403]

>>17252376
>current gf wasnts me to rail her ass in a schoolgirl outfit while shes handcuffed and being choked with a tie while calling her a whore for screwing around
Gave me a boner, unironically

[Anonymous No.17252412]

>>17240281
I cooked a greek lemon chicken meal on mushrooms for a dinner party and ended up having a threesome with two ukrainian women.

[Anonymous No.17252446]

>>17252412
>ukranian
Comrad, I think you meant >russian

[Anonymous No.17252475]

>>17252446
even if Ukraine is part of Russia, that would be the name of their state

[Anonymous No.17252543]

>>17252378
"mmm, oh yeah"
"now fart baby"
"that's right, give me all your bacteria"
"I can feel the stomach aches already"
etc

[Anonymous No.17252641]

>>17240281
missionary on the kitchen bench with my gf. cleaned up and made hot chocolate for the both of us.

[Anonymous No.17252686]

fucked my wife

[Anonymous No.17252713]

>>17240308
yikes

[Anonymous No.17253079]

>>17242634
utterly saved
https://foodblogposts.blogspot.com/2022/01/food-blog-cxliii.html

[Anonymous No.17253092]

Separate events in no particular order
>fucked a stoner girl in her parents' kitchen back in high school
>tripped on acid and discussed pseudo intellectual shit with some dickhead in my college DnD group
>made enough gumbo to feed fifty people when my mom got too sick to do it anymore for family reunions

[Anonymous No.17253119]

My flatmate came home whilst our local college slut was sucking me off in the kitchen. She hid under the sink and I pretended to boil water for some tea. My flatmate and I had a quick chat and when he went back into his room she opened the door and continued sucking me off. I think it was one of my biggest loads I've ever busted. It even came out of her nose and messed up her blouse. We're married now cause we're both (monogamous) degenerates.

[Anonymous No.17253225]

>>17240331
Kek

[Anonymous No.17253243]

>>17240281
mdma

[Anonymous No.17253463]

>>17250038
How was prison, Brock?

[Anonymous No.17253589]

>>17243506
cope

[Anonymous No.17254187]

>>17248067
No, but it's fine because it actually wasn't in St. Louis.

[Anonymous No.17254331]

>>17240281
I had an oil fire while frying donuts.
That was the last time I deep fried using my cast iron dutch oven.

[Anonymous No.17254378]

I had sex and I nutted hard in the woman I was having sex with because of the sex

[Anonymous No.17254442]

I went 5 games undefeated in beer pong, scoring the game winners in 4/5 games.

[Anonymous No.17254567]

>>17254442
I had a friend who lived down the street from a bar we regulared. After last call a bunch of bartenders and waitresses would come over and among other fun we used to have a card game in the kitchen. It was similar to BS but everyone had a beer and the last draw card sat on a doubleshot, for the life of me I can't remember the rules, or even if we had set rules from night to night.

[Anonymous No.17254621]

>>17254567
I played something similar except, there's a can of beer in the middle of the table. And going in a circle, one person sticks a card under the tab. Whoever puts the card that pops the top has to chug it.

[Anonymous No.17254714]

>>17245392
1 gram is the starter dose. I think by breakthrough this anon means to actually start to trip and hallucinate

[Anonymous No.17255271]

>>17240281
looked at sonar pics of my firstborn on christmas eve.

[Anonymous No.17255524]

>>17247139
>She

[Anonymous No.17255533]

>>17252543
Have fun with c diff

[Anonymous No.17255548]

>>17255533
He asked how you would do it ironically.

[Anonymous No.17255564]

Someone really should wake her up . She’s been there for a long time .

[Anonymous No.17256507]

>>17240281
taking a flaming steak out of the oven