/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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Once again /ck/ is wrong Anonymous Mon Dec 27 01:09:59 2021 No.17184515 [Reply] [Original]

You losers once again have ruined another product with your poison irony. I got this as a gift for Christmas and had to suppress a scoff. This site has ruined me. Worst part? It's one of the best hot sauces I've ever had.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 01:14:22 2021 No.17184528 File: 190 KB, 989x839, varkin.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>17184515 nice bro. welcome to the club

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 01:15:13 2021 No.17184531 >>17184528 Based.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 01:17:24 2021 No.17184539 >>17184515 You know what I realized about this bullshit? They're bottling SALSA and calling it hot sauce and charging 4x the price for 1/4 the amount of salsa you would get in a fucking tub from the supermarket.

Anonymous Mon Dec 27 01:18:38 2021 No.17184543
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>>17184515

You are like little babby. Just add another layer of irony and enjoy it DESPITE the memes.

After all, no one can tell you how to do "adulting" as you play Nintendo Switch and watch Rich & Marty while smoking weed scrolling Reddit and eating Secret Memevark on your avocado toast.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 01:20:12 2021 No.17184551 >>17184543 WOAH Keanu is Varkpilled???

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 01:23:52 2021 No.17184560 >>17184551 Of course. Only Secret Aardvark contains enough soy to provoke Keanu to pick up the phone when the Wachoski Brothers called again.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 01:30:13 2021 No.17184578 >>17184560 *Sisters

Anonymous Mon Dec 27 01:30:20 2021 No.17184580
File: 49 KB, 400x490, vark-life.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>17184515

Ignore all the haters, OP. You are about to enter an elite brotherhood. Allow me to paint you a picture of a day in the 'Vark Life:

>go to fancy restaurant
>order expensive food & wine
>survey available condiments
>sigh loudly, snap fingers to summon waiter
>Excuse me, boy, may I see your hot-sauce menu?
>"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have one."
>Well, I already know what I want anyway. Fetch the Secret Aardvark, chop-chop.
>"The what, sir?"
>Se-cret Aard-vark? You know, the world's premier sauce?
>"Pardon me, sir, but I don't think we have that."
>Ah, so you ran out. That does tend to be a problem. You should inform your sauce-melier immediately. But fortunately... (wink & smile, reach inside jacket)... I always carry my own.

It's important to have this conversation loud enough for all patrons to hear.

Leave the bottle on the table with the logo facing outward. Before each bite, make a big show of opening the bottle, extracting a single drop of "red gold", and closing the bottle with a loud snap. Also frequently exclaim (to no one in particular) "Mmmm mmmm! That's my 'Vark!"

If anyone looks over, be sure to smile, wink, and hold up the bottle, in case they want to take a picture for social media. Of course you'll also want to get your own photo showing the bottle next to your meal and yourself leaning in, mouth agape at the zesty spice. (Don't forget to tag #varklife! One lucky winner this month will get a limited-edition Secret Aardvark® Nintendo Switch!™)

Last but not least, when paying the bill, on the "tip" line, write:

>'Vark goes great on 'za! :^)

In the #varklife, we call that a Coup d'Vark. #AlwaysVarkin

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 01:31:50 2021 No.17184584 >>17184580 I feel so welcomed. Thanks bro. I'm going to make sure I bring it from now on.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 01:37:37 2021 No.17184596 File: 821 KB, 1080x2220, Screenshot_20211227-013642_Gallery.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>17184515

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 05:24:27 2021 No.17184943 >>17184528 Rule 1: Always be varkin’ Rule 2: Never not be varkin’

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 05:34:17 2021 No.17184958 >>17184515 >and had to suppress a scoff. This site has ruined me. Get a grip.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 06:14:23 2021 No.17185003 File: 176 KB, 500x375, lQRBppGah6AtUCvi4BRLLyGG88jZdKV6rW2fqG7oXxE.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>17184580 Well this was an absolute joy to read. Thanks anon! #varklife #varkafterdark

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 06:20:26 2021 No.17185013 Older the packagin looks at hotsauce better it taste. Found this one via Hotones.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 06:47:00 2021 No.17185043 >>17184515 >This site has ruined me Maybe you should stop being underage.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 10:00:16 2021 No.17185515 >>17184528 Cringe.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 12:24:19 2021 No.17185893 >>17184515 The green one is better

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 17:23:15 2021 No.17186812 >>17184580 This is just like those rednecks who carry hot sauce on their belts... but with extra steps. Regardless, this is a brilliant advertising campaign.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 22:59:49 2021 No.17188135 >>17184515 >>17184539 >>17186812 https://livingstingy.blogspot.com/2014/08/brand-names.html

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 27 23:02:41 2021 No.17188143 >>17184515 actually just make your own hot sauce, it takes very little time and is much tastier and healthier

Anonymous Tue Dec 28 04:01:53 2021 No.17188918

>>17184958
>>17185043
You are soulless retards.
A couple of days ago I laughed so hard that I ended up crying at work, because some retard on /tv/ said he's going to scream "pizza time" in the kinoplex when Tugboat Maguire appears on screen. I had to pretend that I remembered a joke in my native language so my colleagues would fuck off.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 28 04:09:07 2021 No.17188938 File: 28 KB, 200x430, montgomery_inn_bbq_18.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>17184515 Seekay was right about this sauce, too

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 28 05:30:28 2021 No.17189116 >>17184515 As an Australian who was able to try this, this stuff absolutely blew my mind and has inspired me to try and make my own hot-sauce salsas

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 28 06:15:18 2021 No.17189193 >>17188918 >A couple of days ago I laughed so hard that I ended up crying at work That is hilarious! I think you need to rethink some stuff, like whether you have autism.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 28 06:34:35 2021 No.17189214 All I taste is capsicum, that metallic taste and smell. Very shit sauce.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 28 06:39:01 2021 No.17189220 >>17184515 HOLY FRICKENSTEIN'S MONSTER, IS THAT SOME SECRET AARDVARK?

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 28 06:42:05 2021 No.17189224 >>17189193 What unhappiness in life is making you want to put down others for harmlessly enjoying themselves

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 28 07:44:08 2021 No.17189332 >>17189224 Who said I am putting them down? It's fucking hilarious when someone starts crying at work and then autistically claiming >I had to pretend that I remembered a joke in my native language so my colleagues would fuck off.

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 28 11:23:50 2021 No.17189794 File: 7 KB, 225x225, big_brain.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>17184580 This content is why I continue to come to this shithole

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 28 13:31:17 2021 No.17190156 File: 143 KB, 309x227, vark_life.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >Vark! The herald angels sing >Glory to the hot sauce king >Place on za and avocado >Taste and heat reconciled >Joyful, all ye varkers, rise >Join the savior of the pies

>>	Anonymous Tue Dec 28 14:03:21 2021 No.17190288 >>17184515 I bought a green one after seeing it here for so long. I thought it was pretty good but I was underwhelmed at the ratio of price to size.

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