/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.17109535]

>have date with girl
>boasted about being a really good cook
>mediocre cook at best

What are some easy to make, yet fancy and tasty dishes to impress her? The harder it is to fuck up the better.

[Anonymous No.17109550]

>>17109535
this will show her you're a man of culture and sophistication

[Anonymous No.17109551]

>>17109535
Feed her pickles, Dr. Pepper, mac and cheese, midrare filet with blue cheese on top, caesar salad, maybe asparagus, sour patch kids, and a healthy interest in treating her like a fucktoy. Own that pussy. That's all I've got, but it works. Winning formula, take it or leave it, Champ.

[Anonymous No.17109563]

>>17109535
Do a pork loin roulade.
Super easy and people thinks it's fancy when it's really just a meat cinnamon roll.
Goes well with roasted veggies and homemade mashed potatoes.
Pair it with some mid-shelf red wine for bonus points.

These days most people are so abysmally shit at cooking that even a basic meal made at home is impressive to them.
Unless the chick is a chef or some shit she'll let you berry.

[Anonymous No.17109566]

>>17109563
Based. Thanks, anon.

[Anonymous No.17109602]

This is quick, easy, no clean up. Just buy a nice piece of salmon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fau2TqMkVuE

[Anonymous No.17109619]

>>17109602
Nope. The vagina secretes smells from food that is ingested. Girls know this. You should too. No crab, shrimp, or fish until she's comfy enough to leave the bathroom door open and have a conversation while shitting.

[Anonymous No.17109668]

>>17109619
Yeah whatever you do no oysters or caviar. Avoid Champagne at all costs, those grapes grow where there once used to be sea. Chicks hate that shit.

[Anonymous No.17109706]

>>17109668
If I find a chick who likes oysters AND caviar I'll ditch the bitch I got and go with the new model. Chicks who dig oysters are rare though. I'm just saying that chicks like to get laid just as much as guys do and they often worry about the state of their undercarriage when they inevitably (at least with me) poke that ass sky high for some lovin. Some girls don't think about it though and heat rises, so just turn your head and be glad she's face down in a pillow and can't see you wincing and trying to breathe through your mouth.

[Anonymous No.17109723]

>>17109706
Based lmao everyone gets some good but stank pussy now and again

[Anonymous No.17109757]

>>17109619
Girl shits are fucking nasty smelling. Probably the vagina juices mixing with their shit. It sounds retarded, but girl shits are exceptionally more dank.

Like a guy shits up the bathroom and it's just like "Haha dude! Gross, man!" A woman shits up the bathroom and it makes me want to keel over and die. Then they just walk out like nothing and don't even flip the fan on.

[Anonymous No.17109769]

>>17109535
>What are some easy to make, yet fancy and tasty dishes to impress her? The harder it is to fuck up the better.
Make her something hearty and filling ad delicious. Make some shepherd's pie, make it with a tea biscuit crust on top.

[Anonymous No.17109804]

>>17109619
A girl should nevef feel comfortable enough to lleave the door open and have a conversation while she shits. My wife and I have seperate bathrooms. I dont want to know anything about it.

OP you should make fettucini alfredo with some grilled chicken. Ive never met a girl that didnt love homemade alfredo sauce

[Anonymous No.17109828]

Oldfag here. Way back when I was a small runt of a boy, livin in an even smaller runt little town with my step-dad outside of wotonga, ok, there was this black guy everyone called skeetee peete. For some reason, he was the local wisdom man and no matter the question if there wasn't a simple answer everyone told you to go visit to skeetees busted up shack. I remember one day I wanted my turn on the local town muscogee slut and my old man didn't have shit advice to tell me besides how he planned on killing my mothers sister if he ever saw her again and that chunky peanut butter puerto rican who was pimping her out back home in ocala, fl. I walked a lot back then, there wasn't shit else to do for entertainment in those days besides walk everywhere and stare at everything and hope maybe you'd hear some loud fucking from someones home. At some point I found myself by skeetees shack and made my way over. I knocked on the door a bunch but no answer until I heard a bunch of glass bottles go clanking everywhere and skeetee yell out for me to come the fuck in already dumb bitch. It smelled like hot piss and stale beer, I was used to it already because it's the scent of a broken man or an abusive father in my case. Skeetee started screaming at me saying I owed him money and he wasn't going to pay me back ever because I cheated him, but after 10 minutes he calmed down and got off floor mattress and told me to come outback with him. We both sat down on some log and he passed me a beer then took it back because I was underage and he said he didn't need that shit on him but I think he secretly wanted it for himself. He told me to stop starring off and look at him and to spit out whatever I was wanting to ask already, so I told him about the local native girl I wanted to have my turn on and what was the easiest and cheapest way possible to do it. Skeetee starting laughing so hard beer was leaking out of his mouth and running down his black and grey beard.

[Anonymous No.17109849]

>>17109828
based

[Anonymous No.17109859]

>>17109828
So what did Skeetee have to say?

[Anonymous No.17109917]

>>17109828
Then he gave me a warm pat on the back and with a big smile he told me his secret. Marshmallows and Applesauce, he said with more confidence than I ever heard from my own father or any other man I could remember at that time since I never really had one of those male role models it's so important for every kid to have today. I would have laughed but his tone and face told me all I needed to know, so I thanked him and used all my savings from the loose change my pops forgot about around the house. Some people would call it stealing, but I wouldn't since that man stole my childhood but that's another story. Long story short, skeete peete was right and I easily bagged my first reservation slut and of many more to come too. I ended up asking one of them why those two items made them spread easier than liquor and cheap smokes like the rest of the interstate truckers used and she told me it's an indian thing and to hurry up and finish already. After I was done I hanged around and peaked through the trailer window. That's when it all made sense to me and I almost gave myself away by laughing like a head beaten coyote, those dumb bitches were cooking the marshmallows and applesauce then rubbing it all over themselves. It's their trailer trash native way of making soap!

So that's my advice kid, marshmallows and applesauce. You'll thank me later, just don't go laughing like a dumb ass and fuck it up.

[Anonymous No.17109935]

>>17109828
>>17109917

[Anonymous No.17109952]

>>17109917
based god king

ill try that marshmallow and applesauce trick, in honor of sketee

[Anonymous No.17109976]

this shit may not be literally the fanciest but will impress some chick more than just spaghetti: risotto/risotto balls, lasagna, stuffed shells, just a really damn tasty steak like make a really good marinade, asparagus stuffed chicken breasts, bitches love fettucine alfredo, eggplant parmesan, and anything salmon

[Anonymous No.17110013]

>>17109602
what the hell this bitch spends half the fucking video talking about herself

good recipe though, except salmon is already really fatty, is it really necessary to add all that butter and oil? I’d be afraid it would turn into an oily mess.

[Anonymous No.17110020]

>>17109535
steak diane
she'll be impressed that someone can flambee something, and you'll have a good steak

[Anonymous No.17110023]

>>17109828
what does being an oldfag have to do with your fake story

[Anonymous No.17110028]

>>17109828
>>17109917
based skeetee peetee

[Anonymous No.17110035]

>>17109804
I made this, marinated a nice organic chicken breast overnight and everything, she didn't finish it.
tasted good though

[Anonymous No.17111139]

>>17109535
za

[Anonymous No.17111149]

Steak, Rice and some Vegetables

[Anonymous No.17111161]

>>17109535
If she's interested in you to the point that she's willing to come inside your house for a meal, she's looking for any excuse to fuck. As long as the meal isn't terrible she will be happy that you went through the effort to cook for her.