/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.16802805]

Planning to host Thanksgiving this year and using it as an opportunity to show how much I hate what my stupid boomer/boomer-indoctrinated family's idea of a traditional Thanksgiving dinner among other things. I already have the turkey picked out as being those Festive/Jeannie-O loafs because unlike a "real turkey," loafs are universally juicy and flavorful instead of bland and dry crap. Same with needing to figure out how to make mashed potatoes and gravy actually taste good and not dry shit that barely mixes with even a 3:1 gravy/potato ratio.

What other ways can I fuck with them? They also hate MSG and artificial sweeteners, while they love bullshit homeopathy placebos, so I'm going to mix extremely high doses of some of the latter (like when James Randi downed entire bottles of homeopathic sleep pills to prove they don't work) in with dishes benefitting from artificial sweeteners and and MSG just so I can spring it on them all how retarded they are about what good food tastes like and what is actual medicine.

[Anonymous No.16802811]

You are a weird person.
Anyways, I recommend you just bake the potatos instead of mashing 'em.

[Anonymous No.16802825]

>>16802805
You seem completely insufferable. There is no doubt your family is dreading this Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous No.16802827]

>>16802805
Have you been tested for autism? What kinda subhuman garbage poisons family with artificial chemicals and turkey logs?

[Anonymous No.16802841]

Oh canada. you are such an annoying little brother.

[Anonymous No.16802870]

>>16802805
>"plant based butter"
>stuffing using gluten free bread, but don't chop it up, just put sage and shit on the full slices and fry them in "plant based butter"

Also, fucking cranberries. My sister was doing keto one year and brought cranberries made with stevia and some kind of liquid sweetener that had a name that sounded like it could be used as fuel for a small engine. Anyways, some of the worst shit I ever tried. Do that.

[Anonymous No.16802882]

>>16802827
>artificial chemicals
MSG occurs naturally in tomatoes and these people are dumbasses who would love aspartame-sweetened pudding if I tell them I "sweetened it with amino acids naturally found in asparagus and most animal proteins."

Because they're retarded and dont actually know what anything or care to question

[Anonymous No.16802906]

>>16802870
>sounded like it could be used as fuel for a small engine.
Likely a sugar alcohol. Fun fact, they are neither sugar or alcohol despite the name

[Anonymous No.16802928]

>>16802882
Nice dodge on the autism question.

[Anonymous No.16802937]

>>16802906
>sugar alcohol
I had the worst farts from those.

[Anonymous No.16802944]

>>16802805
Imagine inviting your family over to dinner and your only motive is to piss them off

[Anonymous No.16802953]

>>16802805
Please don’t ruin the holiday for your family by coming out as trans. It isn’t all about you, you know. You can wait until afterwards.

[Anonymous No.16802956]

>>16802906
they're not good either.

[Anonymous No.16802976]

>>16802805
You sound like a douche and a half.

With that said, I've often clashed with my mommy over her boomer non-cooking. I'd stick to turkey (not loaf) as main course w/ pan gravy, 3 sides (mashed tater casserole, sweet potato apple bake, and something green) and two deserts (apple cobbler and buttermilk pie.) It's all shockingly easy.

If mom wants to contribute then she can make stuffing.

[Anonymous No.16802981]

>>16802944
not op but I did this a few weeks back, not to piss them off but because tricking them into eating stuff they didn't want to eat is still giving me the giggles. Fucking awesome, and I did such a good job fooling them they want to come back.

[Anonymous No.16802999]

>>16802805
I hope they all deadname you.

[Anonymous No.16803124]

>>16802928
Okay, diagnosed on the spectrum. What of it?
>>16802953
>>16802999
I'm not a tranny. Besides, this is culinary spite against their complacency and lack of culinary taste in general. There's plenty of things I like in a traditional Thanksgiving dinner, and plenty of things I consider disgusting garbage because it's always prepared horribly and easily is better in any other format. And then you have those disgusting fucking fruit salads with marshmallows, whipped cream and mixes fruit chunks. Really this is just payback for a childhood of awful cooking and bullshit justification for why I'm not allowed to have particular taste in food but everyone else is.
>inb4 picky eater autism
Lol no. Everything has a place in my diet to some degree, then and now. However, that just means I have personal preference and foods I don't like, so do they. And there's things I like that they think is gross despite it not being that way (oh you don't want to eat this acorn squash that's so sweet it tastes like candy but you'd want to eat tinky gross durian???).

Besides, if I mix something that I find palatable together and they don't like one aspect of it because "that's not supposed to be in this dish," they can just pick it out or eat around it like they told me to do for so many years and see why I hated that BS line.

[Anonymous No.16803133]

>>16803124
that "salad" is called ambrosia andnit commonly has mushrooms too

[Anonymous No.16803138]

>>16803124
>>16803133
I mean marshmallows

[Anonymous No.16803144]

>>16803124
Offer to make thanksgiving dinner and do it in a generous way. Main course, three sides, and two desserts.

[Anonymous No.16803145]

>>16803124
Wow. This is going to be a great family together time. Please record your epic meltdown, and post webms of it here.

[Anonymous No.16803152]

>>16803124
You’ll never be a woman in a few years, guaranteed.

[Anonymous No.16803172]

>>16803124
You have issues beyond autism anon. I was never even allowed to pick out the stuff I didn't like. Which, granted, was very few things. But, because of that, I learned to like all those things as I got older. You're trying to get payback on your family for feeding you. Think on that for a minute.

[Anonymous No.16803192]

>>16803172
>thinking
>thinking
>I know how to get revenge on my republishit boomer family
>I’ll cut my dick off and become a true and honest woman

[Anonymous No.16803208]

>>16802805
Salisbury steak without sauce, mashed cauliflower seasoned with Alum, lutefisk stuffing, edamame pods, unsweetened cranberry sauce, Under-baked pumpkin husk, salty gravy, undercooked over mixed over wet baking soda biscuits, nearly expired buttermilk for drinks. No butter or salt pepper on the table

[Anonymous No.16803220]

>>16803192
It's inevitable at this point.
>Thanksgiving 2022
>Anons family begrudgingly invite him to dinner. Despite the gigantic meltdown he had last year when they asked him why he didn't buy a real turkey.
>Anon answers the door in a dress and full makeup.
>Mother looks at him, exasperated. "Ok, let's get this over with."

[Anonymous No.16803279]

>>16802976
>I'd stick to turkey (not loaf)
Tough, it's gonna be a loaf for the consistent moisture and flavor. I'm not going to bother with a dry flavorless bird and weeks of leftovers I don't want just for the Norman Rockwell wholesomness larp.
>3 sides (mashed tater casserole, sweet potato apple bake, and something green)
All casseroles are boomer BS like pic related and I can't believe no one realizes it, same with potato and fruit salad. Sweet potatoes were always a bit too sweet for my liking and I'm not adding even more sweet to them like my boomer mom would, they're only good as kettle chips and French fries thanks to the salty crunch balancing it all out.
As for something green, no idea there. Most of my ideas for how to put green into something are savory stir-fries or just cold assorted vegetables.
>and two deserts (apple cobbler and buttermilk pie.) It's all shockingly easy.
I have never heard of a butter milk pie and I do not bake apples. Closest I get to an apple cobblers and pies would be finding a way to make the filling straight up thickened apple sauce so it's more like basically any other pie. Or maybe making a cobbler out of a fruit that's not supposed to be in baked dessert like honeydew because I like honeydew and boomer culinary rules are often arbitrary and stupid.
>If mom wants to contribute then she can make stuffing.
She's not gonna like it because I'll make sure it's the most "bland and tasteless is tasteless stuffing" ever because despite ending with all the same flavors (celery, onion, garlic, assorted herbs) she expects, I will more sensibly accomplish this without having to throw in a bunch of chunks of random crap because we have seasoning salts for those flavors. Because apparently only she's allowed to have personal preferences when it comes to how a flavor is achieved in food

[Anonymous No.16803285]

>>16803279
This man is gonna kill his family over some turkey stuffing.

[Anonymous No.16803371]

>>16803133
>>16803138
Yeah, and I've never liked it and I never will like it. I might enjoy everything in it, but I don't want everything in it all at once any more than I want kohlrabi, deli ham and butterscotch sundae topping all at once.
>>16803144
Effectively that's what'll happen, I'm just going to justify every change I make as being to suit my idea of good flavorful food versus theirs in ways that aren't inedible, but certainly unorthodox for what boomers expect from their gluttonous Rockwell larp. Like the turkey loaf.
>>16803145
Lol, I'm not going to have a meltdown, I'm going to cheerfully smile while passive aggressively returning common lines they've said in the past back to them. Don't like that I made something that has a bunch of tiny chunks of stuff you don't think should be in there despite me personally thinking it doesn't affect the taste? Just pick them out! If they catch on I'll just politely deny it and say that I have no idea what they're talking about as I go back to eating my turkey loaf.
>>16803172
I've learned to like plenty of things, And even then I wasn't that picky of a kid, I still just don't like to have the crap they've ever cooked. Is it really being picky if you just don't like when somebody randomly throws pinto beans and horseradish into to absolutely everything regardless if it even needs to be there? Fine with both, does not in a damn pasta.
>>16803152
>>16803192
>>16803220
I'm not a fucking tranny. If I wanted to make my family freak out like that, I would just go get a fucking flu shot instead. Same result

[Anonymous No.16803375]

>>16803285
Because I'd rather have stuffing that's just lightly seasoned bread rather than a half cruncy/half chewy mess in the name of "traditional?"

[Anonymous No.16803376]

>>16803285
>man
Please don’t intentionally misgender people. It’s rude.

[Anonymous No.16804167]

>>16802805
you can make really good mushroom gravy swith no animal products. that should fuck with their heads

[Anonymous No.16804230]

why don't you just order chinese

[Anonymous No.16804245]

what an odd way to waste your time

[Anonymous No.16804276]

>>16802805
you're going to have a lot of left overs and a strained relationship with your family anon, is this the hill you wish to die upon?

[Anonymous No.16804300]

>>16802841
stop whining, pussy

[Anonymous No.16804403]

>>16802805
Sounds like you don't know how to cook turkey and neither do your parents if it comes out dry

[Anonymous No.16804411]

>>16804403
90% of turkeys come out dry. That's why it's served with gravy.

[Anonymous No.16804459]

Well for anon to have turned out this way his family is probably awful and deserves this anyway. Have fun poisoning them or whatever

[Anonymous No.16804461]

>>16802882
>Because they're retarded and dont actually know what anything
that apple didn't fall far from the tree

[Anonymous No.16804468]

>>16804411
Incredibly wrong and that guy's right, it sounds like you don't know how to cook turkey.

Anyway OP, it's weird that you take the approach of cooking shit food because you grew up eating shit food? Why not cook a delicious meal properly to show your family what good food actually is? You're just giving in to what they want, you should be rebelling by cooking the best meal they've ever eaten

[Anonymous No.16804490]

OP take your meds
the rest of you keep obsessing over trannies

[Anonymous No.16804497]

>>16804468
I'm not wrong and you know it. It's literally a cultural meme in the US.

[Anonymous No.16804662]

>>16804497
There is no such thing as american culture. You're shit at cooking turkey, the gravy is for the mashed potatoes

[Anonymous No.16804667]

>>16802825
kek this

[Anonymous No.16804685]

>>16804662
You're posting in a thread about American culture.

[Anonymous No.16804696]

>>16802805
>indoctrinated
I detect another casualty of constant facebook news reading

[Anonymous No.16804924]

>>16804685
No I'm not, is american thanksgiving this weekend? No, Canadian thanksgiving is dumbass

[Anonymous No.16804927]

>>16804924
>admit to being canadian
>calls others a dumbass
fucking kek

[Anonymous No.16804934]

>>16804924
Oh holy fuck. I forgot Canada has so little culture they had to steal American holidays. God damn that's pathetic.

[Anonymous No.16804936]

>>16802805
>Planning to host Thanksgiving this year and using it as an opportunity to show how much I hate what my stupid boomer/boomer-indoctrinated family's idea of a traditional Thanksgiving dinner among other things. I already have the turkey picked out as being those Festive/Jeannie-O loafs because unlike a "real turkey," loafs are universally juicy and flavorful instead of bland and dry crap. Same with needing to figure out how to make mashed potatoes and gravy actually taste good and not dry shit that barely mixes with even a 3:1 gravy/potato ratio.
Cringe
>What other ways can I fuck with them? They also hate MSG and artificial sweeteners, while they love bullshit homeopathy placebos, so I'm going to mix extremely high doses of some of the latter (like when James Randi downed entire bottles of homeopathic sleep pills to prove they don't work) in with dishes benefitting from artificial sweeteners and and MSG just so I can spring it on them all how retarded they are about what good food tastes like and what is actual medicine.
Based

[Anonymous No.16804952]

>>16804934
Canada is just a big state

[Anonymous No.16804960]

>>16803371
>If I wanted to make my family freak out like that, I would just go get a fucking flu shot instead. Same result
I wish you luck anon, they deserve suffering.

[Anonymous No.16804981]

>>16802805
I make good mashed potatoes. Russet potatoes, boil until softening don't overcook, bowl with lots of real butter seasonings little milk, mash until slightly lumpy, don't overmash.. If you do it right you don't need much gravy..

[Anonymous No.16804997]

>>16804403
>Sounds like you don't know how to cook turkey and neither do your parents if it comes out dry
Which is why I'm not bothering with a real bird. I don't know how to make it come out juicy so I'll go with the guaranteed juicy option of a loaf

[Anonymous No.16805002]

>>16804468
>Why not cook a delicious meal properly to show your family what good food actually is?
That's what I was doing

[Anonymous No.16805006]

>>16804662
>the gravy is for the mashed potatoes
Also shit, mashed potatoes and gravy never mix, the gravy just pours off and leaves tasteless white slop underneath

[Anonymous No.16805014]

>>16802805
>I’m gonna host thanksgiving
>to show my family how much I hate them
Something tells me your family already considers you an insufferable piece of shit, and likely a disappointment of a manchild; they would mostly be coming to your dinner in hopes of “anon is trying to host thanksgiving like a grownup so maybe he’s bettered himself”.

[Anonymous No.16805097]

>>16803371
you seem pretty committed on this disgusting loaf idea. thanksgiving is 50% presentation btw, hope you have a plan to make it look presentable. personally, I couldn't imagine something so barbaric.

[Anonymous No.16805209]

>>16805097
>thanksgiving is 50% presentation btw
Who the fuck cares about presentation?

[Anonymous No.16805213]

>>16802805
uhhh.. hello? there's like a pandemic going on in america? have you been living under a rock? lol?

[Anonymous No.16805256]

>>16805209
literally anyone hosting a party should. People don't come over to eat your "delicious" grey cube meat.

[Anonymous No.16805420]

you sound sick. you should locked up, fucking psychopath

[Anonymous No.16805555]

>>16805420
this. anyone who wants to spend time with their family is obviously deranged.

[Anonymous No.16805672]

>>16805209
Non-autists

[Anonymous No.16805799]

Turkey is so good when done right. I hate that I have to go to my girlfriends moms. She always fucks it up.

Im in charge of Yorkshire Puddings because no one else apparently can figure it out.

[Anonymous No.16805929]

>>16802805
nothing says thanksgiving like a revenge dinner cooked with a spiteful heart and a dash of yikes lmao

[Anonymous No.16805949]

>>16802805
remember to wear 2 masks and stand at least 12 feet apart from other people to prevent the spread of coronavirus

[Anonymous No.16806579]

>>16805213
whenever I hear pandemic I think about your mom's legs